Even if his life shattered, Freddie wouldn’t scoop it up and cradle the pieces in his arms. He’d rework History, make it not his fault, and eliminate that who he pinned responsible as his excuse. He wouldn’t be where he was at now, on his knees that had split apart from falling so hard to the ground. When he crawled to her, he didn’t feel the pain because his heart had suddenly felt like it was being squeezed in a vice grip. The noises coming out of him spoke for the discomfort in his chest.
A red road appeared behind him as Freddie skidded across the cement to touch her. His right had reached her first, grabbing her inner thigh and then his left hand taking her shoulder. He whined loudly when she didn’t respond, remembering from every one of their previous intimate moments the anticipated jerk she made when they connected. It scared him deeply, so deeply he shook her. When she didn’t wake, he threw his leg over her and got on top. ‘Logan’, he called to her calmly like he would when gently waking his daughters. ‘Logan,’ he attempted again and then took her head in his hands.
Searching her motionless face, Freddie’s eyes magnified as they filled up with water. He was panting quietly, the air pushing through his crooked and bared teeth. He squeezed her face hard, her skin oozing between his fingers. After taking three long and large breaths, he tensed up and screamed her name. The tears were falling faster by this time and breaking on her face. He then thought of something hopeful, that maybe one of those tears were hers. But when the pessimistic side of him won over, it caused him to feel faint and he collapsed to the side, landing on his hip.
Freddie’s limbs slowly retracted like a dying spider and he gazed off looking into a blurry mess of a world through the large drops in his eyes. It was a reminder of where he was in his life these days - nothing was defined any more and blind at what for to reach. But there was one thing he knew, one person that took him on a course he’d never dreamed of being on. When he aimlessly extended his arms, he felt her again and pulled her close. He dragged her heavy body up his legs and to his chest. As he pressed her tightly against himself, he trembled and stared off angrily.
He was furious she didn’t put her arms around him. ‘That’s no way to treat your Uncle,’ he whispered harshly into her shirt that was bloodied and bunched up at her shoulder. He was making fists in her back and his knuckles were stabbing into her. As he crushed her even more in his arms, a whine began developing in his throat. And as the time went by without feeling any movement from her, it grew louder and louder and soon birthed into a turbulent cry. He was blubbering now, spit and snot exploding from his nose and mouth.
Life again was out for revenge for Freddie Jackson. Little by little the most important things in his life were being repossessed. He’d never admit to having deserved any of it - not a single cunting thing. And certainly not this pathetic way of taking the piss. Life was laughing plainly in his face and finally had caught up to all his antics. He wasn’t ready for change and sadly not even this would do it. Freddie would remain the same up until his very miserable, wretched last.
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