we are like young volcanos

--------------A girl with Kennedy taste and a Kerouac heart.-------------

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To Make Good on My Word

It's terrifying to be back here. I am seventeen again and there is an indecision that punctuates my every conversation. There is a perpetual eye roll that looms over all my relationships. Only I know that I am desperate. Only I know that there is a Want buried in my chest, one that stirs at night and finds her warmth in my dreams. Only I know that I am obsessed. I wanted to spend my rest of my life on that stage. I still do, But time is cruel, so I tucked The Want away and promised her with marble eyes that I would come back. I am twenty-one. And there is a man who believes that I am most beautiful when I am most myself- So I crawl into myself dig through my clutter to find The Want. She is asleep. I shake her awake and asked if she still believes. She smiles. I don't know that she ever stopped. I am twenty-one and remembering how there are things in this life worth waiting years for. I am remembering there are things worth trying twice. I am remembering feeling like my bones could burst. And I am thanking God- The Want waited. She knew I would be back. It's terrifying to be back here, I don't know why I ever left.

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