when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after.
notes. important announcement ! as you all know, this series has always had an extensive approach into detailing the events in its side stories (ie. sera x sukuna x naoya, yuuji x megumi, maki x yuuta x miwa, etc), but while writing the chapters, the word count and the plot building had become too exhausting for me to produce consistently, esp with the amount of scenes and side stories i was introducing to the story, so i've decided it's best for me to stick to the main characters, reader & gojo, and will only add side stories as necessary. this really hurts me knowing that i can't achieve the level of comprehensive writing and world building that i did for sincerely not, but i really want to finish sy as soon as possible and removing a chunk of side stories would be some of the things that'd help me achieve that 😭 i hope you guys understand. hopefully i'll figure out a way to write those side stories instead of completely abandoning them mid-way in this series. but as always, thanks for ur continued support <3
series masterlist -> episode eleven
“It’s a little weird.”
What was supposed to be her bed time had turned into a moment of reflection for Sera who, instead of being fast asleep at this time of the night, had unconsciously brought herself inside Sukuna’s home office to join the up-and-coming tech mogul in his late-night programming.
She wore her silk pajamas, pacing back and forth in her boyfriend’s office as her mind flew back to the recent encounter she had with her ex-boyfriend. Who knew that Satoru’s kid would look just like a carbon copy of him? No, actually, the question should be: who knew it would be a different woman by his side acting as the mother of his child? Sera had to laugh at herself, shaking her head as she realized how truly and undeniably ridiculous her ex was. It was clear that day that he wasn’t really as loyal of a partner as he claimed himself to be.
Did he really just go through all those crazy things with you, only to look like a whore-hopping fool now?
If he was bound to end up with someone else other than you, then why did he have to make Sera’s life miserable in the first place?
She may have done terrible things before as a selfish and materialistic lover of his, but that wouldn’t change the fact that Satoru also contributed to her role as the side-piece in his marital relationship. He allowed her to cling to him like a mistress. Being his side-piece wasn’t even something that she had forced upon him. It was his promise, an idea that he planted on Sera’s head, saying that she would need to stay by his side and that he would marry her guaranteed that he had already secured the merger and divorced you. He swore like a fool that he would divorce you. But guess what? The jerk ended up falling in love with his wife and suddenly had no use of Sera. Suddenly, he was such a good husband who couldn’t be more loyal. Suddenly, he was a lovestruck man who had always been in love with his childhood friend. If he had downright dumped Sera the moment his engagement was announced, if he had not been prideful and ambitious since the beginning of his marriage, he probably would have had better luck at having that healthy relationship he yearned from you.
But how come the blame of being the third-party was all on Sera when her only mistake then was loving the person who promised her all the good things in life?
Now, you see, this was all just bitterness brewing at the back of her head. She knew what she did was still wrong and that she wasn’t innocent. Sera swore to herself that she would never look back on those awful days ever again, but seeing how Satoru was running around freely with a different woman just reminded Sera of his days as a spiteful, two-timing man. Somehow, it felt like he had changed and yet didn’t at all.
Ha ha ha. How ridiculous was that?
“What’s funny?” asked Sukuna, her present boyfriend and thankfully so. He was Sera’s blessing, because she never would have thought that a man like him could still exist in a world full of Satoru’s and Naoya’s. “You look cute smiling to yourself, though.”
“I know,” she responded to the compliment, shifting to settle herself on his lap, though his attention remained fixed on his laptop screen. “It's just strange to me,” she continued, her voice thoughtful, “how Gojou appears his usual self, yet there's something off about him.”
The question clouded Sukuna’s eyes in confusion, tilting his head to the side as he tried to comprehend her description. “You mean dude got uglier?”
I wish, Sera thought. “No, he’s… he’s different. The vibes are different. For a second, he even looked like he was dissociating the whole time he was with that girl,” she said, referring to Satoru’s new girl as though she was your cheap alternative, “But then again, why is he with her in the first place if he looks absent-minded the whole time, you know what I mean?”
“Was he like that with you before?”
“At times, but it’s not like the way he’s acting right now… I don’t know, I can’t explain it. The energy is off. That’s just not how he acts when he’s really, really into someone.”
To be honest, Sukuna didn’t give a damn about Satoru Gojou’s life and any normal boyfriend wouldn’t really like hearing their girlfriend talking about another man, especially her ex at that, but he knew Sera found joy in old money gossip and he was aware of the demoralizing past she has had by associating herself with them. Sukuna was acting all engaged in their conversation because he wanted to make her feel heard and that he shared her simple joys in life. Besides, it was through her that he learned so many inside scoops about the people that ran the country’s biggest conglomerates. It was like watching one heck of a messy episode of Dynasty.
“Didn’t he get into a car accident?” he recalled, remembering the headlines on the news that day, “Then, we saw him at the expo and he couldn’t really remember you. The guy’s probably got his head all messed up.”
Sera was bitter at the time thinking that Satoru was toying with her when he asked who she was, when the truth was, he was actually diagnosed with amnesia. It was such a shock to her, truthfully, because having amnesia felt like something you would only see on a movie’s screen. Well, in that case, she could also say karma’s a bitch. The director might be onto something here.
“He’s probably not mentally fine, but still…” she thought carefully and played the scene in her head again. What was it about the Gojou that she saw the other day that was different? “He just has a different vibe to him that it feels uncomfortable. It’s like he’s rude, but not so rude? He doesn’t have much of a personality anymore. Like a complete stranger.”
“Maybe it’s the new girl rubbing off on him.” Sukuna was back to typing on his laptop as he said that. Frankly, he was just saying anything at this point.
Sera shook her head in response. “Well, I don’t know about that girl he’s seeing and I don’t really care, but it’s common knowledge to the filthy rich that she’s Y/N’s best friend. That’s why I recognized her right away, and that’s why it disgusted me,” she pressed on, “Tell me, would you—and be honest about this—would you fuck your best friend’s ex?”
The humor on her boyfriend’s face came right as she asked that. “Babe, you fucked a married man. It’s worse than fucking somebody’s ex.”
“Shut up.” Rolling her eyes, she got up from his lap and sighed, but Sukuna wasted no time in pulling her back onto his lap. His chuckle was mingling with the gentle kiss he had planted on her cheek, unaware that his actions made Sera’s heart flutter. “Forget it. I shouldn’t even be talking about Satoru with you.”
The man stretched his arms and finally closed his laptop, patting Sera’s thigh afterwards. “On that note, I do have another ‘dude from your past’ that I gotta meet tomorrow.”
Her reaction alone was a response for him. “Naoya?” she protested, face contorting with disgust. “What for? I told you not to take on that project.”
“Yeah, I considered it, and you know, the partnership could really benefit CleaveTech,” Sukuna reasoned, leaning back as he outlined the situation to her from a business standpoint. Given her own background working for the Gojou Group before, he expected her to grasp the significance of this partnership and set aside any personal grievances or emotional attachments. “The Zen'in Group is a major client. It’s all pros and no cons here.”
“The contra is the guy you’re gonna work with,” she highlighted with a hint of annoyance rising from her throat, “Naoya is nothing but an opportunistic motherfucker. Mind you, he’s a stupid elitist, too.”
He held back a laugh, not even threatened by a man who had a terrible history with his girlfriend. “Nah, I’ll deal with him. Just trust me on this.”
As much as Sera wanted to object, she knew Sukuna had a point and that she really shouldn’t hinder his company from being partnered with such a large conglomerate. She just didn’t like the thought of her boyfriend being around a man who manipulated and humiliated her to the point where she had been blacklisted by multiple companies, leaving her to resort to being somewhat of a prostitute just to make ends meet.
The world was harsh for the not-so-rich, and all Sera wanted was to give those upper class people a taste of their own medicine. But seeing as her desire for revenge would clash with her boyfriend’s chance at company growth, she had to set aside her personal grudge and support him on this one.
Still, there was nothing wrong with being curious. “Is there any other reason you agreed to this partnership?”
Sukuna smirked as if he expected that question from her. “Blame it on my little brother, he’s been bugging me ‘bout it.”
“Yuuji?” Sera asked, clearly confused.
To which her boyfriend quickly answered, “Yeah. He said it’ll give him an opportunity to work with his best friend. You know that kid, Fushiguro, right?”
Ahh. Toji’s kid aka the heir to the Zen’in business empire. Sera had met Megumi before, and while that other brat Mai used to be unreasonably rude to her, the younger boy was always civil and respectful at least. He never even once treated Sera like dirt when she was spending time with Naoya at their mansion. Perhaps their upbringing really differed because he was raised by Toji and the other Zen’ins were raised by demons.
Nevertheless, with a connection now established between Sukuna and Naoya through Yuuji and Megumi, Sera couldn’t help but feel that her peaceful days as a nouveau riche were about to become far more intriguing. Depending on the cards she would choose to play, they could even turn into a living nightmare.
— —
You weren’t exactly abandoning your company; you were merely taking a break, a necessary pause given your current mental state after the whole break-up with Toji and the Osaka thing. Your mind was just too overwhelmingly occupied to even properly function. Each day, mustering the energy to show up at Hearte's head office became increasingly challenging, especially when faced with individuals who relied on you for major decisions and creative direction.
To make matters worse, Akemi’s sudden resignation hit hard.
You received her decision by a simple letter, a mere piece of paper, without even having the guts and decency to meet with you in person. Was she scared? Or was this her way of rubbing salt on the wound, shoving it in your face that she was now taking things to the next level with your ex-husband?
She did cite in her resignation letter that her reason for resigning from the role was due to conflict of interest. You wanted to laugh when you read that part. No, you wanted to choke in your fit of laughter after reading through her asinine reasons. She could have been upfront and mentioned that the so-called ‘conflict’ was the very man her best friend had previously married.
Obviously, everyone in the office felt sad knowing that a core member of the company left without at least a 30-day notice, but they were all also aware that her resignation was due to personal albeit controversial reasons. Did Akemi not care about her image at all? The same colleagues she had trained, managed, and collaborated with would now likely gossip about her behind her back. She would become a hot topic of disrespect among the people that once heavily respected her. Did she also not care about the company you two created together anymore? This was the same company you two had passionately dreamed of during your late-night conversations on a New York rooftop. She was the one who wanted to build a fashion house together with you.
Yet, it seemed she was willing to throw it all away for a man already entangled in complicated familial dynamics. Her immediate resignation and refusal to speak to you in person just further confirmed it to you that Akemi was willing to forsake your friendship by choosing a man who already had a child with someone else.
Since she chose that path, you couldn’t help but interpret Akemi’s actions as a deliberate slight against your friendship. It seemed clear that she no longer viewed you as a friend and was essentially cutting ties with you. Otherwise, why would she take such a step? Akemi wasn’t the type to be vindictive; she likely believed she was sparing you further pain by severing your connection. However, regardless of her intentions, her actions felt deeply disrespectful and hurtful.
If this was what she wanted, then kudos to her and her unbelievable confidence to choose a man like Satoru Gojou. Besides, it didn’t even take you a week to find another replacement. Your family connections were powerful after all. You readily had a pool of potential candidates for the role of the Head of Sales, Retail, and Merchandising—all from prestigious backgrounds and unparalleled expertise. While the competition was tough, you selected the person you deemed was the most qualified to be your second-in-command. This was someone you had esteemed since college, a person who excelled in both business acumen and creative vision.
Yuki Tsukumo. She was influential in every sense, and you trusted that she would be able to manage the high pressure environment of a start-up fashion house and transform it into an iconic brand, a household name that would one day rival Chanel and Miu Miu.
You may have succeeded in replacing Akemi. You may have shown her that her position in the workforce was easily replaceable, but her role as your friend still left a lingering, repugnant mark that proved far more difficult to erase. This underlying sentiment could explain the unreasonable anger festering in your heart—a visceral reaction born from feelings of backstabbing betrayal.
It was hard enough for you to travel all the way to Osaka with a broken heart, but it became much more agonizing to watch your own son run up to Akemi like she was his mother. It was a goddamn slap to your face, indeed, to see that your ex-husband had already chosen a woman to have his happy, little family with. That he wanted to be a good man and be everything you wished for in a husband for her.
As they say, nothing hurts more than building a man for another woman.
And honestly? You cried so much on the way home that you became numb. Now, you were just trying to get over it. You were trying to bury the searing pain in order to forget the betrayal you felt. It was all too much for a person to handle and it wasn’t like you hadn’t gone through the same old shit before. Wasn’t it worse before with Satoru actually cheating and all? He technically wasn’t crossing any lines here, so it shouldn’t hurt you. It shouldn’t. You had been here before. If you had managed to get through such an awful time as his previous wife, his relationship with Akemi shouldn’t be too hard to accept. No, you weren’t trying to lowball your pain, but it was better to be an optimist in this situation than be a suicidal, self-destructive person. You had a business to run and a child to raise. You had to be strong.
Or at least, that was what you told yourself. That was what you had been telling yourself over and over, each time you got up from bed forcing yourself to have a false positive mindset. In fact, that was also why you had to take this extended break because you had to have your peace of mind. You had to have some form of release to remember why you needed to stay alive and keep yourself going.
Not just for Sachiro’s sake, but also for your own.
Your safe haven for now was at the horse ranch, where the tranquility of riding and the beauty of nature provided the perfect ambiance for reflection. How long has it been since your last visit to Willow? Your father had been joking that you shouldn’t be leaving a beautiful, white Friesian horse unattended for years, especially not for the expensive price he paid her for. True enough, because the moment you saw the mare again, you almost forgot how majestic she was for her breed. Willow was a completely docile and graceful horse, so alike to you in many ways. However, one thing that was unlike you, was that she lived in peace, existing solely for herself and not for anyone else.
If only you could be like her.
As you reached out to stroke your rare-breed horse, a new and unfamiliar stallion in the stable caught your eye. To think of it, your family shared this equestrian estate with the Gojou family. This realization meant that the strikingly elegant and tall gray horse in the adjacent stall belonged to none other than Satoru.
“It’s a Thoroughbred,” the equine caretaker informed while guiding your horse out of the stable, “Mr. Satoru got him recently and named him Six.”
A gray Thoroughbred, renowned as the most expensive horse breeds out there. It could fetch a price as high as $70 million, and of course, Satoru was the perfect owner for such a prestigious horse. The stallion embodied his essence completely—its color, its build, its rarity. On the other hand, you couldn’t help but find his naming convention by number a bit odd. His previous black stallion was named Eight. This time around, it was Six. Couldn’t he be more imaginative?
“He’s beautiful,” you mumbled, nonetheless, in awe with the regality of the horse.
“He’s a good boy, too,” added the enthusiastic horsekeeper in a thick country accent, “Mr. Satoru was here yesterday and played polo while riding him. They were perfectly in sync even if it was his first time riding him.”
Of course, he would play polo. That was one of his favorite recreational sports. The burning question at hand was, who was with him during his visit? Because if the caretaker mentioned Akemi, you would certainly lose it. This was your private space with him. This estate was a place that none of his other women had access to, not even Sera. This was a location filled with memories from your childhood. For him to bring another woman here would be crossing the damn line.
“Did he bring anyone with him?” you asked, trying to sound casual as you dusted off your boots.
The caretaker denied. “No, he was alone. He just came to play polo and check the horses he recently bought.”
Oh… “He bought more than one?”
Did he seriously get Akemi her own horse? Your heart was racing at the thought, but the caretaker led you to the stable near the exit to show you the other horse than your ex-husband had purchased. It was a brown Shetland pony.
“He got a fully trained Shetland for your son,” the horsekeeper proudly declared, showcasing the pony as if he had been instructed to do so in anticipation of your visit. It was obvious that Gojou had already briefed him on introducing Sachiro’s new pony to you because he knew you would be asking about it. “His name is Elmo. He is kid-safe and very friendly.”
Frankly, you wanted to sigh in relief, but at the same time, it warmed your heart to know that Satoru got his son his own horse at such a young age. You could already sense him planning to make Sachiro take equestrian classes when he gets older, and probably join him on his horseback riding sessions, too. You could imagine just how perfect it would be to see the father and son bonding here, racing together, playing polo together… yet it would not be you who would be watching them on the side.
This future he was setting up with his son would be an experience he would share with Akemi.
There was no you in that vision anymore.
The caretaker likely questioned your sanity when he noticed the bitter smile on your face as you mounted your mare. He might have even doubted whether you were sane enough to ride alone, without a guide, particularly through the woods since Willow had not been ridden for some time now. However, you had done it countless times before and were quite familiar with the trail, and so you dismissed his offer to lead you and assured him confidently that you knew your way back.
You needed this solitude. You craved this moment of peace, alone with your thoughts and surrounded by nature, to reflect on the ceaseless torture of your life. It was just never-ending, squeezing every drop of happiness out of your system to make sure that you would only live to suffer. You really thought you had your happy ending with someone else? You actually believed you had found the perfect man to be your actual husband?
Well, unfortunately for you, Toji was not the one.
At first, your mind flew to Toji as you went on to the trail, allowing the mare to continue trotting as you held the reins to control her. You remembered Toji’s text that morning, asking you for the hundredth time if he could meet with you. He likely wanted to apologize in person, but you doubted he would change his mind and take back the things he said. Because they were true. He could never fill the void left by his deceased wife by being with another empty soul. It was painfully, unmistakably true. You were better off dead if that was the case, because even if you did end up marrying him, you would never be regarded as the person he loved the most. After all, your role in this world seemed to always be the second option. You were never the first in other people’s books. Not with your ex-husband. Not even with your family, especially with Gen around. You were meant to be a bystander, watching others live their perfect lives while you were forced to be in your misery. Someone like Toji would not have a guaranteed blissful marriage with you and you had to spare him from that. You had to draw the line and step back from this charade that you were playing with him, knowing that you were never the right person to be with him, so at some point, you had to accept his drunken words. They came from a place of truth, and that truth would set the both of you free.
Even it hurt. Even if it fucking hurt to hear his words. You couldn’t deny them.
You could easily forgive him, but his words might take a while for you to forget because even thinking about it now was bringing a wave of pain into your chest. You didn’t even notice that you were losing control on Willow’s reins by the time you entered further into the woods, bouncing on the saddle as you galloped along the challenging path. With the speed you were riding right now, inexperienced riders would certainly find it unsafe and scary. But for you? It was just what you needed. The breeze of fresh air, the thrill of riding alone, the peaceful sound of nature—you could die there and be at your happiest.
Maybe that was where you had to be; to disappear and leave them all behind. Wouldn’t that be best for everyone? If you were to vanish, they could finally be free. Your presence, even from the beginning, was a burden for everyone—for your dad, Gen, Satoru, Toji, and even Akemi. The people you trusted the most would be the same people who would secretly celebrate your demise. So, what else was hindering you from taking matters into your own hands and ending it all yourself?
“Giddy up!”
Was it Sachiro? Definitely. But now he had his father, and he was likely starting to see Akemi as a mother figure as well. Your role as his beloved mama could be easily replaced if you were to leave him now. It wouldn’t hurt him as much that way. Three years with Sachiro seemed sufficient enough, and he was at an age where he could grow up alongside his father. In this short span, he would have lasting memories with you, yet not enough to deeply grieve your absence. He was a young child, surrounded by people who would offer the whole world to him. At least, for that, you were eternally grateful. It brought you comfort knowing that your son would have support after you were gone, and that he would find a mother figure in Akemi. Given the brief time he spent with you and the rest of his life with her as his stepmother, Sachiro would likely come to love and accept Akemi as his own mother. This was the best outcome you could hope for.
My child, my son, my baby… please don’t get mad at mommy.
Tears were gushing out of your eyes and you hadn’t even realized it until they started blurring your vision. You were far too lost in your own thoughts, unaware that you were now in an unfamiliar and seemingly dangerous part of the trail. The path was getting a little bit too steep and poor Willow was clearly stressed at your inconsiderate handling. There were multiple obstacles on your rocky terrain and you weren’t as steady and controlled as you wanted to be because the horse wasn’t comfortable navigating such a difficult path with the pace you were forcing her to.
“Ah!”
Your attempt to balance was interrupted by Willow’s loud neigh, signaling her distress before she bolted into a full rampage. She was sprinting at an estimated speed of 20 miles per hour. Not even a skilled rider like Satoru himself would be cantering that fast on unfamiliar terrain and an unfit horse. But you, you clearly had a death wish, because instead of fearing for your own life, you were far more concerned at the thought of how dreamy Satoru and Akemi’s wedding would look like after your demise. They would definitely make Sachiro their ringbearer. Suguru would be the best man. Shoko, the maid of honor. People on the internet would praise them for being an attractive couple. They would anticipate their beautiful kids together, living in the same mansion he bought as a gift to you. He would kiss her good night, tell her loves her, and offer the whole world to her. They would exchange vows and promise themselves a lifelong commitment to be by each other’s side through sickness and in health, and only in death would they part.
“Willow!”
You let out a shriek as the reins slipped from your grasp, causing you to tumble off the saddle and crash onto the ground. The impact was first felt in your elbow, and a sharp, searing pain then radiated through your body. There you lay, sprawled on the dirt, helplessly watching Willow galloping out of control up the mountain, and then tragically plummeting off a cliff.
“Nooo! Willow, no!”
Utter hysteria overtook you. You sobbed uncontrollably, unable to determine which pain was more agonizing—the clearly broken elbow, the loss of the horse you had inadvertently led to its death, or the heart-wrenching reality of Satoru starting a family with someone else.
You were pathetic. You were such a pathetic excuse of a human being and this was why you deserve hell.
“Willow!”
Toji couldn’t love you. Your own son didn’t want to be around you. Satoru had gotten over you. And now, you drove a poor innocent horse to its demise because of your recklessness!
You were crying hysterically as you held your pained elbow, crawling by the cliff’s edge as you screamed for your horse’s name, but in the end, there was nothing you could do. You could only apologize to poor Willow for having such an irresponsible owner, and now she was dead because of you. 16 years of her life, she was able to live in peace until you came and ruined it all for her. It should have been you. You were the one who should have jumped off a cliff. You should atone for your sins and follow her, but you were too weak, far to overcome by the excruciating pain on your hip and your broken elbow to move or do anything at all.
That was, until your mind had completely shut down, leaving you as a mere body to be discarded alone in the darkness of the woods. You hoped that no one else would find you soon.
— —
“A-Angina?” Satoru’s eyes went wide. His whole world stopped before him.
“Yes. She was diagnosed with stable angina,” Dr. Mori confirmed, much to your husband’s horror. “But there is another factor that requires her to have more rest. You need to take good care of your wife, Mr. Gojou. Her body needs a lot of nutrients so she can carry safely.”
He could barely process the whole thing in his head because the news kept coming one after another, leaving him in a befuddled state with a flood of unanswered questions running through his mind. “What do you mean…?”
“Your wife is seven weeks pregnant.”
…
…
“Y/N?”
“Y/N!”
“Are you out of your mind?!”
You could barely pry your eyes open, but when you finally managed to, you were met with the concerned expression on Gen’s face. The harsh glare of fluorescent lights and the antiseptic scent confirmed to you that you were in the ER, likely an hour or two after the incident in the woods. The memory of the trail quickly flooded your thoughts, and a pang of sorrow gripped your heart as you recalled Willow's final moments before she fell off the cliff. The poor horse had lost her life, while the one responsible for her tragic death remained alive, save for the bandage wrapped around your arm.
“Why did you ride into the woods alone?” Gen persisted with her barrage of questions, standing by your bed as you attempted to sit up. “Are you suicidal or what? Riding your horse in a dangerous trail like that—”
“You know what, maybe I should have just died back there!” you snapped, wincing from the pain in your elbow. Her choice of words struck a nerve in you. “Maybe I’d prefer that over sitting here, listening to your sanctimonious lecture like you're so perfect yourself! How obnoxious.”
“Then, maybe you shouldn’t be riding so recklessly and causing alarm to everyone else!”
“Did I literally ask you to come save me?!”
The atmosphere around you two just became even more uninviting, with discomfiting silence seeping through as you and Gen were engaged in a sharp glaring contest. Your father stood behind her, clearing his throat to cut the tension.
“That’s enough, Gen.” Your dad placed a hand on her shoulder, and although she wanted to protest, she knew better not to keep stirring the pot after receiving his strict gaze. “Let’s just be thankful your sister is safe. There’s no need to be so overwhelming.”
You rolled your eyes, drawing in a deep breath before you looked away from them. None of them would ever understand your pain unless they were in your position. They didn’t carry the same baggage as you, so they would never fully comprehend the weight of your suffering. You had already dealt with similar pain on your own before and that was why you didn’t need any of them to come to your aid, meddling with your life like they knew exactly what you were going through. “Just leave me alone, you guys. I wanna rest.”
Since when did your relationship with your sister start to get rough? It wasn’t really like this before, but ever since she started to become too overprotective over you and your choices in life, particularly choices linked to Satoru, Gen had started to become insufferable in your eyes. She was acting too much like a mother; controlling your decisions, lecturing you about your personal relationships, being too involved with your private life. There, ever since that, you started to distance yourself from her, and she didn’t like that. Her stubbornness wouldn’t allow her to cease acting like this mature, picture perfect big sister to you.
With that said, Gen would have normally gotten annoyed when you asked them to leave you alone, but this time around, she seemed to have reflected on her insensitivity a lot better with your father around. “I’m sorry, okay?” she said, her tone still tinged with stubbornness, “I just got worried. I don’t know what’s gotten into you to put yourself in danger like that, but… please, Y/N. If you’re going through something, you can always speak to us. Dad and I, we’re here for you.”
To be fair, if you had to put yourself in their shoes, it really would have been alarming to know that your sister almost died. This wasn’t the first time you were at death’s door either, so they were probably scared shitless when they were informed of your situation. Your absolutely reckless situation. You didn’t mean to cause a scene, neither did you intend to bother them on their already busy schedules. You just had so many things in your mind while you were horseback riding, too engulfed by your own sorrow that you didn’t realize the repercussions after the incident had already taken place.
“I’m sorry, too.” Your voice softened with humility. “I didn’t mean to worry you guys. It was just really an accident.”
Of course, Gen suspected it was more than just an accident. Your dad did, too. It was obvious on their forlorn faces that they were worried for your mental and emotional well-being, but none of them dared address the elephant in the room. It seemed they didn’t need to, anyway, since one of the many reasons that contributed to your earlier breakdown took a peek from behind the curtains, clearing his throat and sending you a look of sympathy.
“Y/N?” Toji looked at your father and your sister for approval before stepping further inside your space in the ER. “Can I talk to you?”
There was no escaping Toji’s presence anymore. No more hiding, no more avoiding. You knew you had to have this talk with him no matter how many times you ignored his flood of texts and calls. While this may have struck as an opportune moment for him to speak to you in person, facing the painful truth of your situation weighed heavily on you. Besides, hadn’t the irony presented itself right there? If Satoru were the one trying to speak to you, even if he was the father of your child, Gen would have been quick to lash out at him. Yet with Toji, even with the general knowledge of what had transpired between you two, your sister still showed no hostility towards him, allowing him to approach you freely and without interference.
But then again, Toji was far from being a cheating, manipulative scumbag who not only caused you suffering but also sought to selfishly acquire your family’s company. Therefore, he wasn’t considered a threat.
Alright, then. Since Toji genuinely wasn’t a threat to your current emotional state, you agreed to talk with him. It was the first time you had seen the not-so-confident side of Toji Zen’in. He was typically a man of virtue, often holding his chin high, offering the best advice, and having insightful perspectives on life. However, it seemed you had shattered that confidence in him. You could sense his cautiousness around you as he stood by your side in the ER, assisting you with your needs, and eventually agreeing to your request to walk you to the rooftop garden.
“I don’t really think there’s anything else we should talk about.” It was you who first broke the silence, staring at the cityscape while sitting on a wheelchair. The calm breeze allowed your mind to seize the moment with a peaceful mind. “I already heard what you had to say.”
Toji found it better to kneel down in front of you to meet your eyes as he spoke to you in a sincere and earnest voice. “Y/N, I was drunk when I said all that shit back there. I didn’t mean them. I didn’t mean to hurt you with my callous words, and I feel awful that you had to hear them from me. You trusted me. You sought comfort from me. I wasn’t thinking like a normal person when those things came out of my mouth.”
“That doesn’t mean they weren’t true,” you replied with quiet resignation. It was the acceptance in your face that seemed to have caused Toji’s heartbroken gaze. “It’s okay, Toji. I think, when you said all those things, it actually made me realize some aspects of our relationship that had to be addressed. It made me more self-aware and it opened my eyes on the bigger picture.” You touched his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze as you mustered the courage to speak your next words. “It’s for the best that we part ways. It’s not fair to me to become a placeholder for your wife the same way it isn’t fair to you to have to deal with my ex-husband always being present in my life. Our unresolved feelings won’t really be resolved by being together.”
“Y/N…” Toji’s voice hinted at his vulnerable emotions, though he restrained himself from showing it fully. And you didn’t miss the apologetic look he had presented to you. “Despite all that, I hope you know that I’d been true to you. I do love you and will always love you. I’ll always be someone you can rely on, someone you can seek comfort from, someone you can turn to when you need help…”
Damn it. Why did he have to make it sound like an actual break up? Now, it tugged at your heartstrings and hit you in a place it shouldn’t have. You weren’t good at these things and it certainly was your first time dealing with such a mature and mutual separation, but wasn’t that a good thing? No further drama was to happen, leaving a stark comparison to your separation with Satoru. While this one didn’t hurt as much, it still brought a hollow feeling in your chest.
“Same for me,” you agreed, displaying a weak smile. “You’ll always have a spot in my heart, Toji. I’ll always be grateful that I met you.”
Sometimes, two people didn’t need to be together to love each other. Friendships could still thrive between ex-lovers, and that was why closure was so important. It not only closed a certain chapter of your life in a healthy way, but also allowed you to heal and open yourselves to a new beginning without any bitterness left behind.
It shouldn’t be considered bad to remain friends with an ex. It also shouldn’t be bad to give a parting kiss from said ex, right?
You weren’t the one who initiated it, after all. It was Toji’s hand that gently stroked your cheek. It was him, who leaned forward and pressed his lips onto yours. It wasn’t forceful, but neither was it passionate. It was simply a tender kiss of goodbye, feeling the warmth of each other’s lips for one last time before you two would transition from being lovers to friends. What you didn’t understand from this supposedly bittersweet moment was the faint tears that somehow managed to escape your eyes, perhaps because you knew that once Toji left, you would be alone again.
You had no one by your side to love you, cherish you, choose you, and offer their entire world for you. You were meant to live this cruel world all by yourself.
As he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours. “Please learn to love yourself before anyone else, Y/N. It’s what you need and what you deserve.”
That night, while you were getting your MRI, your mind kept flying to the possibilities of a future without having anyone by your side. Any normal person would tell you to focus on loving yourself first, as Toji did recently, focusing on what matters most, and ridding yourself of the toxic things that hinder you from moving forward with your life. Things weren’t as easy as they sounded. Besides, it was different being on the receiving end of the said advice. How could you do those things when the primary cause of your pain was someone whose life would always be linked to yours forever?
Based on the result of your MRI scans, your doctor recommended that you undergo elbow arthroscopy. It was just a minimally invasive procedure compared to open surgeries, but considering how much of an overthinker your dad was when it came to your health, he insisted on your confinement at the hospital until you had been completely cleared of any other issues. He really placed a big deal on your condition and emphasized to the doctors that they make sure nothing was missed. It could have been worse; you could have had a broken hip or a fractured leg, but at least you only had a dislocated elbow. Nothing that couldn’t be easily corrected by surgery and physical therapy.
The decision was for you to stay there for two days, and on your first night, a crying Sachiro ran inside your private room because his ‘mama has a boo boo’. Gen said he was picked up from daycare and dropped off at the hospital because the poor kid was looking for you. She didn’t mention who dropped your son off to you, but you could tell it was Satoru. You could sense it by the glances she exchanged with Ian after you asked how Sachiro came to the hospital.
So, in that case, Satoru must have found out about your little incident and didn’t care enough to see you. Did he not even have an ounce of care anymore? Or was it Gen who stopped him from seeing you?
“Did you ask him to leave?” you confronted Gen in a mellow voice, rubbing Sachiro’s back as he snuggled into you on the hospital bed.
Your sister knew exactly which man you were referring to, and she denied having done such. “No, I didn’t even talk to him. He took Sachi here and left.”
You didn’t know why you looked at Ian to confirm the truth of his wife’s words, but hurt yourself upon seeing his bowed head. It was an apologetic expression that did signify your ex-husband’s blatant act of ignoring you. To hear about your near-death experience and simply leave without even checking on you should be your wake-up call. He didn’t care anymore. No, why should he care? He had Akemi. His only responsibility with you was to be a supportive father to your son.
Why did the pain in your heart feel far more agonizing than the discomfort on your dislocated elbow?
If anything, you wanted to ask for the strongest anesthetic they could offer to numb your pain. You were desperate to have anything even if they had to put you into an eternal sleep. That would have been much easier to deal with than feeling disregarded by a person you supposedly had moved on from. Satoru did nothing wrong here. It was you who had that expectation, only to disappoint yourself when things didn’t happen as you imagined.
And just when you thought things would get better as long as you ignore your torturous thoughts, it didn’t help that being in the hospital kept giving you flashbacks of the time you were in this exact room, hearing Satoru crying helplessly from outside and begging for you not to terminate his child. What comes around certainly goes back around. Or worse.
Such depressive thoughts had you occupied throughout your stay there, and your unusual placidness alarmed the nurses instead of being assured that you were doing well. You heard your doctors telling your father and sister to always keep a close eye on you as the incident may not seem serious, but the trauma would undoubtedly be present somewhere and somehow. Were they aware? Of your intrusive thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself?
The elbow arthroscopy was successful and by the second day, you were free to go home. You were placed on certain medications to help with the swelling and the pain, and while you were walking around the hospital with a listless mind, you happened to pass by the Obstetrics and Gynecology Department. What a deja vu it was, remembering the time you had seen Satoru there waiting outside for Sera. Back then, it was one of the climactic events in your life that led to a domino effect on the downfall of your marriage. Not that you were reminiscing, but it did remind you that Shoko was probably there in her consultation room and it would be nice to talk to a friend who had witnessed the wild history of your marriage.
You asked Gen to wait for you in the car while you headed to Ieiri’s consultation room, assuring your visibly worried sister that everything was fine and that you wouldn’t take too long. You had to give Gen some slack, because despite the strains in your relationship as sisters, she was still always there for you. At the end of the day, she was family.
Shoko, on the other hand, was the next closest thing you had for a sister. She welcomed you inside her room in a very worried embrace, telling you that if she had known about the incident, she would have gone straight to your hospital room on your first day, but you told her not to worry about it and understood that being in the medical field already had her schedule tight.
“Well, I guess it’s perfect that you’re here, too.” Shoko smiled warmly, sitting behind her desk. She had exciting news to offer, it seemed. “I just wanna say that… of course, I’ll still be sending you a formal invitation and everything. I actually have a few gifts along with it.”
You shared her enthusiasm. “Hmm… is it what I think it is?”
The wedding. The most eventful day of her life would be arriving soon and you were the first one to hear it.
“Yes!” she answered, with the utmost joy coruscating from her eyes. “I want you to be my maid-of-honor, Y/N. I’d be extremely happy if you could make it. I know you just got into an accident, but it won’t be until two months, so—”
“Hey, it’s okay.” You eased her worries by chuckling. “I’m completely fine, of course I’ll be there. I can’t miss it.”
Shoko was grateful to hear your answer, relieved even, because by asking you to be her maid-of-honor, you should already understand who Suguru’s best man would be. That was a touchy subject for you and she was keenly aware of it, but you didn’t want her to worry. You didn’t want your relationship with your ex-husband to have a negative impact on the relationship of all the other people surrounding the both of you. It was already bad enough that Shoko and Suguru almost called off their engagement after they fought over their morals as you and Satoru’s friends, and you were glad that they somehow made things work. They somehow set aside their disagreements and ultimately chose their love over anything else.
Their love was beautiful, and while that wasn’t something you could easily have, it was something you deeply admired.
“Where are you guys planning to hold your wedding?” you asked, steering the conversation away from any mention of your ex-husband. “Here or overseas?”
She delighted you with her answer, sounding as if this was the perfect wedding she had always dreamed of. “It’s an intimate wedding on the lakeside. Suguru chose the location, actually, since he wanted our wedding to have the view of Mount Fuji.”
“That’s perfect,” you said with wide eyes. “Lake Kawaguchiko?”
“Yep. That’s exactly where it’d be.” She smiled with her eyes. “You know this resort… Hoshinoya Fuji? We already booked the place, and we have a luxury cabin for friends and families to stay at.”
You had been there before, but you were too young to remember. All you knew was that it was a high-end resort that had the best panoramic views of Lake Kawaguchiko and Mount Fuji. The hotel owner was also a close friend of the Gojou family, so that was probably why they were able to rent the entire place for the wedding, especially at a peak season for tourists.
Since the fall season was arriving, you could only imagine the stunning views of the autumn foliage there. It offered the perfect weather, too. It wouldn’t be as hot as summer, nor as freezing as winter. Surely, it would be nice to do some nature walks and stargazing, maybe ride a boat or bathe in a hot spring. You looked forward to it, except for the fact that your ex-husband would also be there.
And just what a perfect timing it was, because as Shoko sorted through her patients' medical records above her desk, a file slipped from the pile, revealing the name of your very friend, Akemi.
“Oh,” Shoko murmured apologetically as she retrieved the record, not wanting to ruin the mood of your conversation. “She, uh, came by a few days ago... with Gojou.”
You didn’t need to ask. You didn’t need to hear any further detail. Akemi’s visit likely revolved around her desire to conceive, as she wouldn’t have visited Shoko otherwise. Why? If it were simply to monitor her polycystic ovary, why did she choose Shoko instead of her own gynecologist? Thinking of how your ex-husband and best friend were attempting to start a family together left your heart shattered in unimaginable pieces, stirring up painful memories of your pathetic marriage with Satoru and reopening old wounds you thought had already healed from. Wasn’t it ironic that a couple of years ago, you were crying over the same situation with Sera?
You couldn’t stand this feeling anymore. You thought you had already freed yourself from the pain of loving him, yet here you were suffering from the same heartbreak over and over and over again. Tears threatened to spill, but you held them back, the ache in your chest too raw to confront just yet.
“It’s funny.” Although you displayed an outward smile, the sadness in your voice reflected your otherwise inward thoughts. You didn’t know why you said that. You were just too… too emotional. Almost like you couldn’t breathe. “He was never this passionate with me. They seem so in love.”
Ieiri’s eyes carried sisterly concern in them. “Y/N, it’s not really what you think.”
Was it? You weren’t sure what to feel anymore. You certainly weren't there to hear it anymore, either. Satoru chose her, just like what you wanted for him to do. Just like what you asked him to do. He had moved on, he had found someone who would love him for who he was, he had chosen the woman he would share the rest of his future with. Call yourself ridiculous for even feeling hurt about it, because you had no right to be and you definitely chose this. Either you own up to it, or you cry about it for the rest of your life.
Both choices had no happy endings.
— —
When Satoru learned about your incident in the woods, he thought he was going to lose his mind.
Was it out of love that he swiftly left the office in the middle of a meeting just to get to where you were?
He still had to pick up Sachiro from daycare, and he felt bad telling his son on the way to the hospital that his mother was hurt. It actually gave Satoru a hard time explaining to the 3-year old that they had to go to the hospital because his mommy was there and that she had an unfortunate encounter while riding a horse.
“Dada, is… is mama okay?” Sachiro pouted with wide, tearful eyes as he clung to his father’s hand. “Sachi wants to go to mama!”
“She’ll be okay, Sachi.” Gojou carried his son and soothed him as they went inside the hospital, searching for you. “Mommy’s strong, remember?”
Was it out of love that he wanted to be the person that brought your son to you when you most needed him?
According to the nurse, your room was on the seventh floor, but when he got there, your room was empty. It was Ian who told him that you went up the rooftop garden to get some fresh air, insisting that if Satoru wanted to go and talk to you, that it was best to leave Sachiro with them.
And so he did. He ran hastily, almost out of breath, until he reached the rooftop, scanning every face within the vicinity until his tired blue eyes finally landed on you.
Satoru laughed in disbelief. He scoffed bitterly, with each breath full of disgust. The tips of his fingers felt cold, while his breathing grew thin and ragged. He could feel his stomach clenching at the humiliation of seeing you engaged in an intimate make-out session with Toji Zen’in.
How sickeningly sweet.
At that point, he was laughing at his own expense, ignoring the elderly lady who looked at him like he was a crazy person. He stood there frozen for a few minutes, watching you kiss another man before it finally woke him up from reality.
It was out of love that he let you go.
You see? This was where his attachment to you would lead him. It was pure and unreasonable selfishness, but he would gain nothing at all from even seeing you. He didn’t need to care for you at all, no. You had Toji. You seemed to be goddamn happy with your life with Toji. And what a romantic fucking moment that was, too.
Satoru couldn’t think straight when he hurriedly left the hospital and got inside his car. He desperately wanted to forget the painful image of you locking lips with somebody else. How? How would he? Fuck! He was mad, mad at himself for choosing to come to your aid like he still had any role in your life. He was disgusted at himself for ignoring Akemi’s calls after promising her a movie date after work. He couldn’t believe he had her waiting all by herself in that cinema, waiting for him to come while he was stupidly running around the hospital to see his ex-wife.
You chose Toji, then you better be happy. Satoru hoped you were happy, and that wish came from a place of genuineness. He genuinely hoped the best for you. Because for him, it was time to fully let go and stop himself from trying to be the superhero whenever you were in danger. You weren’t his wife anymore.
So, was it out of love that he headed straight to Akemi’s apartment that night with a bouquet of red roses?
She didn’t know what happened nor was she given the full detail as to why he unintentionally stood her up on their date night. He had just briefly explained that he had to drop Sachiro off to you at a hospital because you got into a small accident. Akemi, being your friend, got immediately worried upon hearing the situation and asked if Satoru was able to check on you.
He said no. He said Toji was there. He said he left as soon as dropped Sachiro off.
And in an effort to apologize for not paying attention to the current woman in his life, Satoru pulled Akemi in a tight embrace. He held her in her arms, drunk from the sweet and citrusy notes of her perfume, before pulling away to kiss her. He kissed her with the same passion as you did with Toji. Perhaps even more, even better. He completely devoured her lips, with a hand on her cheek and the other on her waist. The taste of her tongue was sweet like strawberries, while her lips were red like cherries.
This woman was all he needed.
But was this love? He didn’t know. It was too soon to tell, too early to answer, too hasty to even consider.
— —
The current situation you were in reminded you of your younger self after your mother had died. It was the same before; you never left the house, often locking yourself in your room, shutting yourself off from the world, and drowning yourself with the pain and loneliness of losing somebody important.
Sure, no one really died for you to be acting this way right now, but the feeling was still the same. Was this really a comeuppance to all of your wrongdoings before? But just how terrible were you of a person to be hit by this unbelievable truckload of sorrow? You might as well spur on the physical pains of your angina again if this torment continued. Otherwise, how else do you avoid it?
You were being a terrible mother, too. You were too engrossed by your own misery that you couldn’t even properly take care of Sachiro. He didn’t deserve to have an incompetent and irresponsible mother like you. He deserves someone better, someone like Akemi, who not only has all the motherly traits a woman should have, but also the physical and mental capacity of being a true, strong woman.
Sachiro was bound to have that, anyway. Now that his father was planning his lifelong journey with another woman, and now that he was trying to build a happy family with her, you were no longer needed in the picture. There was no need for you.
How many more times would you tell that you have accepted it?
Because, god be damned, you knew you couldn’t. You knew you were lying to yourself when you said everything was fine, lying to Satoru when you told him you didn’t need him in your life anymore, lying to Toji for telling him that you wanted to marry him, lying to Akemi that you didn’t care if she was seeing your ex-husband, and lying to Sachiro when you promised to him that you would never leave his side. You were a liar. A terrible liar. A pitiful, terrible liar.
How would you tell the universe that you couldn’t take it anymore? That, for once, you wanted to be showered by happiness and all the good things in life?
Sera was right. Not everyone could have it all. There were people of lesser fortune who weren’t blessed to live a lavish life like you, yet still work hard to achieve what they want. Why couldn't you achieve your own happiness without blaming it on the universe? If this was simply a lesson, then weren’t you the top student at this rate?
God. God, help me. You really didn’t know how to deal with this life anymore. You weren’t sure how to proceed. You couldn’t rely on anything other than the bottle of alcohol on your hand—what was once full was now half empty after you took another swig. This was your second bottle already, wasn’t it? Or third?
You got up from the floor and failed to walk in a straight line as you made your way towards the balcony. Your steps were unsteady, wavering like a leaf caught in a gentle breeze. With each attempt to move forward, your body swayed from side to side, struggling to maintain balance. You almost lost grip of the bottle you were holding. No, it did, in fact, slip from your hand and ended up crashing into the floor. Shards of glass lay across the ground, ready to pierce the soles of your feet to mirror the same physical pain your heart was experiencing.
“Stop,” you muttered under your breath, begging for your chest to stop hurting. But it only worsened, and your antidote to that was to wash it down with even more liquor. No matter how expensive it was, you didn’t even like the taste of alcohol. You hated the sting on your throat whenever you drank it. You despised the bitterness it left on your tongue. However, it did great at numbing your emotions.
It just felt wrong in many ways that you were seeing Satoru’s face whenever you closed your eyes. You could see his smile, his loving eyes, his beautiful lips. You missed his embrace, his kiss, his touch. You missed hearing his I love you’s. Him. You missed him. You yearned for him. Three goddamn years, and you were still undeniably in love with him.
“Satoru…” you cried, sitting on the floor. Each breath made it harder and harder for you to catch as tears continued to stream down your face. You were tired of pretending, denying that you no longer had feelings for him when you knew deep down that you would always choose him. “S-Satoru… come back to me, please.”
Was it him coming inside your room? Or was it your vision making a fool out of you?
“Baby, what are you doing?” Satoru’s expression was engulfed in immense worry as he knelt down and reached out to you, touching your cheek and looking at your eyes somberly. “Don’t do this yourself, Y/N.”
Your head hung low, your gaze unfocused and glazed, as you fought to keep your eyes on the path ahead. You had to reach him. You wanted to touch him, hug him. And despite your best efforts, your movements were disjointed and erratic, betraying the effects of the alcohol coursing through your veins.
“Y/N, that’s enough.” Gen had to use force just to be able to snatch the bottle away from you, forcing you to wake up to the reality where Satoru no longer existed to be there for you. It was her who came rushing inside your room in the middle of the night. The bottle of liquor was now spilled all over the floor. The same could be described with your emotions. “Get it together. You haven’t been acting like yourself lately!”
You couldn’t, even if you wanted to. You were in delirium after having dealt with all the terrible things the world had thrown at you. If you couldn’t drown yourself in alcohol, how else would you have been able to numb the pain? How else would you have been able to… forget?
As much as your sister tried to hide the obvious sympathy in her voice, even your drunken mind could recognize it. “We all know you’re going down the depression lane again, but never to this extent.” Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence, cradling you into her arms as a tear fell down her face. The Gen who would usually lecture you, was now holding you in her arms as her only baby sister. “Stop this, Y/N, please. Don’t ruin your life the second time. I-It’s hurting me. It’s hurting Dad. Do you… do you realize what Sachiro’s gonna think of you when he sees you like this?”
“Gen…” Muffled sobs unwillingly came out of you, leaving you with such excruciating pain in the chest, so much so that it didn’t even feel like you had done surgery to fix your (quite literally) broken heart. “I w-want him back,” you continued to cry, “I want my husband back. I want to be with h-him, Gen.”
“Y/N.”
“Where’s S-Satoru…? D-Did he leave? Please take me to him—”
“Y/N, listen to me.” She gently cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look at her pained eyes. “You’re intoxicated. He was never here, and he’d never come for you. You have to let it go.”
“But—”
“He’s not good for you. He never will be.”
— —
It had been two weeks since Satoru last heard about you. Miwa was the one who updated him that you had already returned to your family’s mansion, letting him know that you were okay and that you were recovering well. Frankly, Satoru was starting to get annoyed at the fact that his secretary was still giving him updates about you. What did he care? He wasn’t your husband anymore.
Besides, Toji was probably visiting you every day, so why did he have to worry about you? If there was anyone he should be worried about, it was Akemi. She had been experiencing terrible pelvic cramps lately, which needed to be given serious attention, but you would never see her being dramatic about it. The only thing she needed was for Gojou to accompany her visits to the OB-GYN, and even then, she never showered herself in self-pity. She carried herself like an independent woman, and that was exactly what Satoru needed in his life right now.
He had a son to raise. He had a company to run. It wasn’t the perfect time to commit himself to someone lawfully. Heck, he didn’t even believe in marriage anymore. He realized that two people could still love each other without getting married. As long as Akemi didn’t pressure him about such things, he was fine with having her around. She didn’t ask for anything much, anyway.
As for you, well…
“What are you planning with that mansion you gifted Y/N?” asked Nanami, seated on the couch inside Satoru’s office, casually reading a newspaper. “Do you even remember that?”
He certainly did. “What about it?” he questioned, idly toying with a pen on his desk. “It’s her property now. She can sell it if she wants.”
Better yet, you should let Sachiro inherit the property someday. His son was already set for a life of privilege having wealthy parents on both sides, but wouldn’t the mansion be a substantial addition to his assets in the future? Satoru couldn’t help but envision the kind of man his son would grow up into. He hoped Sachiro would not inherit his father's immaturity and pettiness but would embody the kindness and altruism of his mother. From a business perspective, however, Satoru planned to groom his son to be a leader, as he was the sole heir to the Gojou Group. Additionally, he would also inherit half of Creston and the entirety of Hearte. No wonder Sachiro was recently listed as the wealthiest kid by Forbes Japan. He even beat Megumi Zen’in from the list even though the teenager was the heir of the Zen’in business empire.
These were the thoughts that should consume Satoru—the future, not the past. His kid, not you. And he was right about doing so, because when he came home to his penthouse, he was told that he had a visitor.
A visitor on a Wednesday afternoon?
Your brother-in-law, the esteemed prosecutor who sent his evil stepmother to jail, appeared on his front door, carrying Sachiro in his arms. It was hard to tell what type of emotions were visible on the man’s face, but he definitely didn’t bring any good news.
“Ian?” Satoru promptly made way for the man to come in, ushering him into the penthouse and allowing him to set Sachiro down. The young boy was quick to dart off to his playroom, leaving the two men in an uncomfortable silence. “What’s going on? Weekends are usually my schedule with Sachi.”
Ian cleared his throat, a hand on his pocket. “Do you mind looking after Sachiro for the time being?”
By saying ‘for the time being’, it seemed like Ian wanted to actually say ‘until further notice.’ But that confused Satoru even more, because what was happening for the man to come here and ask him to let Sachiro stay beyond the agreed schedule with his father? He couldn’t read through Ian’s expression and it was making him uneasy.
“I can, but… why so suddenly?” Gojou asked, glancing at his oblivious son.
“It’s Y/N’s idea, Gen doesn’t know about it.” Ian released an awkward chuckle. “You know how my wife is.”
Gen would absolutely hate it, Satoru was aware for sure. Though the questions lingered in his mind. “Why would Y/N want Sachi to stay with me? Where’s she?”
Was it him or was Ian having a hard time explaining the situation? It felt like he was walking on eggshells, deciding between what had to be said and what shouldn’t. He was careful with his words when he spoke again, “Y/N flew to Monaco this morning and will be back when she’s ready. She says Sachiro should spend all of his time with you while she’s gone.”
Monaco? Why would you be there?
Confusion bathed Satoru’s eyes. “Is it for a fashion event or something?”
“No, she’s just…” Ian struggled heavily. “Well, to sum it up, she has to go there to sort some things out. It’s a personal thing, but she really needs this time for herself and we think it’s the best for her right now. I don’t know how long she’s gonna stay there or when she’ll be back, but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say here.”
No, he didn’t. Satoru found it difficult to fathom his ex-brother-in-law’s words, seeing as he had no general idea of what was truly going on. But if you were flying to Monaco, surely Toji wouldn’t allow you to go there all by yourself?
Ahh. It made sense now. I see what’s happening here.
Satoru’s lips curled into sarcasm. You would be vacationing with the love of your life. Is that what it was? Planning your halted wedding? Choosing wedding gowns? Looking for venues? There was no way you would be flying to Monaco alone, especially without Sachiro around when you two had been inseparable since his birth.
“What kinda mother is she?” Satoru muttered in disgust, unaware that Ian had overheard him. But Ian had heard loud and clear. How could you leave your son behind like this? Couldn’t you face your ex-husband to discuss it, instead of just dropping Sachiro off as if he were some unwanted toy?
“Hold it right there,” Ian interjected, becoming defensive at the accusation. “You have no idea what she’s going through.”
How would he know? No one was telling him shit. No one was giving him details, so did they expect him to understand things and accept them as they were? Did they do the same thing to Satoru when he was at the verge of losing his sanity asking everyone for forgiveness over and over?
“I've never taken sides between you two, Satoru, you know that,” Ian continued, trying to maintain a calm demeanor and speak with clear judgment, “But one thing I’m not gonna let you do is call Y/N a bad mother.”
Satoru’s chest tightened at Ian's words, a mixture of guilt and frustration bubbling up inside him. He knew he shouldn’t have spoken out of turn, but the pain and resentment were too raw to contain. It felt like you were abandoning him and your child, like you were off to a new chapter in your life again, and leaving everything behind. Perhaps this was his trauma from the New York thing crawling back at him, but it definitely reminded him of the day you had abandoned him. For three fucking years. How long would it take you to return now?
Why do you keep doing this? He was sick of it. You kept running away instead of talking to him. He gets it, people change, circumstances change, but couldn’t you at least have the decency to talk to him about it? Was it wrong for him to wish you’d handled this differently? To wish that you’d talked to him, involved him in the decision-making process, instead of just making this unilateral decision and leaving him to pick up the pieces?
Satoru took a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. “It’s fine, I’ll take care of Sachi,” he reassured, “I’ll take some time off work and have ‘Kemi help me out.”
He looked back at Ian, his eyes pleading for further details, for answers, for some semblance of clarity in the midst of this emotional turmoil.
Yet none of it was given.
And so, would it still be wrong to assume that he could now completely forget about you? That this opportunity to be with Sachiro would allow him a chance to share it with someone else? If you spent three years of your life playing house in New York with Toji, would it still be unfair for Satoru to do the same with Akemi?
fuck ur instincts — SUNA X READER & ATSUMU X READER
you and suna are just fooling around—so why does he care so much when you start falling in love with someone else?
previous — masterlist — next
word count! 1.6k — content! swearing, just a bunch of fluff
“I don’t get it,” Osamu says, face pulled into a frown. “Ya haven’t slept with ‘er yet?”
Atsumu kicks his brother in the stomach, eyes trained on the screen as he pulls the lead in Mario Kart. “Fuck yeah!” he cheers. “And, yeah, ya pig. Not everythin’s about sex y’know.”
“Ya fuckin’ cheated! That doesn’t count!”
“Yer just a sore loser.” It’s Atsumu’s turn to receive an elbow to the ribs. “Asshole!” he hisses, throwing the controller to the side when he still somehow finishes first. “Serves ya right.”
The twins both lean back into the couch, the adrenaline washing away. Atsumu adds another notch under his name on the tally they’ve been keeping of their wins and losses. The score so far is 3-12 in Osamu’s favor (but Atsumu swears he’ll beat him over the summer).
“Ya serious ‘bout the girl?”
Atsumu groans. His brother has been trying to know more about you for whatever nosy reason and he finds it nothing short of annoying. “What does it matter to ya, scrub?”
“Just wanna know if I’m gonna have t’make more food at Christmas, s’all,” Osamu says in faux innocence. “So? Is it serious?”
The golden-haired twin wrinkles his nose, the face he always makes when he’s in deep thought. “It’s not serious,” he says eventually, then adds, “But it’s not not serious.”
“Oh?”
“It’s… nice. She’s nice.”
Osamu snickers at the look on his brother’s face. He’s clearly more interested in this “nice” girl than he lets on. He already figured as much when his brother started being all quiet about it, because if there’s one thing he knows about Atsumu, it’s that he’s never quiet. So there’s bound to be something going on.
“When am I gonna get to meet her?”
“Fuck off.”
“You look nice,” Kiyoko says, leaning against the door of your room. A smile plays on her lips as she watches you fix your hair in the mirror. “That dress in particular is really pretty. Where’d you get it?”
You give her a sheepish look, glancing down at the green ensemble that is definitely not yours. You wonder if she’s noticed the shoes yet. “All my clothes are dirty.”
She rolls her eyes fondly and makes her way over to her dresser. Opening a drawer, she produces a pair of earrings with a dainty flower motif and hands it to you. “Here,” she says. “It goes with the dress. And the shoes.”
You take the earrings and launch yourself at her, wrapping her in a tight embrace. “Thank you, thank you, I love you!”
“Sure, sure, whatever.” She chuckles. “Where’s your laundry? I can throw it in with mine.”
“I will marry you and have your children and serve you every day of my life.”
She ponders for a moment then says, “I’ll settle for cake.”
You nod earnestly, holding her hands in yours. “Whatever you say, my lord and savior.”
Your roommate helps you finish getting ready. She does your hair when you get stuck not knowing whether to put it up or down and tries to clear some of the mess you’ve made in your room. You swear she’s a saint. Why else would she be this great?
“What’s with all the date jitters?” she asks eventually as the two of you sort through the pile of clothes on her bed. At this point, you can barely tell who owns what.
“What do you mean?”
She gestures at you, drawing your attention to your appearance. “You never put this much effort into dates.”
Your mouth drops into an “O” as you shrug. “I don’t know,” you say. “‘Tsumu said he had something fun planned and to dress a little fancy. So here we are.”
“‘Tsumu, huh?” Kiyoko gives you a teasing look. “That’s been going on for a while.”
“Just three weeks,” you say. “Not even a month yet.”
“Yeah, but that’s like a lifetime for you,” she points out. “When was the last time you dated someone for that long?”
You frown. “I’ve been with Rin for like a year now.”
“That’s different though, isn’t it?”
You never thought about it really. You never thought of Suna as anything like a boyfriend, but you knew he wasn’t exactly just a friend either. It wasn’t even that you fooled around with him. There was always something more there, something deeper. A genuine care for one another at the very least.
You wonder if he thinks that too.
“Text,” Kiyoko says, passing your phone to you when it buzzes.
tsumu: am outside :D
“He’s here,” you tell her, putting your phone in your purse. You stand up and strike a ridiculous pose, one hand on the back of your head and the other on your hip, lips pouting. “How do I look?”
“So fuckable.”
“Thanks.” You grin, opening the door. “Love you! See you later!”
You find Atsumu at the entrance and he… looks nice. He’s ditched his usual clothes for a crisp white button-up and nice pants. Even his hair is styled a little better. Not that you ever thought that he looked bad, but he clearly made an effort today.
You realize you’ve been staring at him for so long that you haven’t even noticed that he’s been looking at you too. His eyes are wide as he gapes at your figure.
“Ya look…” He let out a little chuckle. “Yer beautiful.”
You feel your cheeks heat up as you look down at Kiyoko’s stolen shoes, unable to look him straight in the eye. Something inside you erupts. Well, that’s new, you think to yourself. What even is that?
“Thank you.” You smile at him. “You look great too, you know.”
Now it’s his turn to get all embarrassed. “Thanks.” He takes your hand in his and gently leads you closer to him. “Ready to go?”
You squeeze his hand. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
The two of you make your way through the courtyard. It’s a nice summer day and people are out and about, talk and laughter filling the air around you. Some students have gone home to visit their families so it isn’t as crowded as usual, but more than a few of you are still on campus for the summer semester. Everything is warm and bright and perfect, like it can stay this way forever.
Atsumu leads you past the benches and the trees, taking a turn before you reach the parking lot.
“Where are we going?” you ask, expecting him to lead you to his car like he usually does and wondering why you went the other way.
He turns to you with a grin. “It’s a surprise.”
You end up walking into one of the buildings near your residence hall, the science building. It’s empty save for a few members of the maintenance staff mopping the floors and airing out the rooms. They don’t even look your way as Atsumu leads you up the stairs, all the way to the top of the building on the third floor.
Your brows furrow as he lets go of your hand and goes to push the door to the rooftop open. It’s usually locked (you know this because you and Oikawa once tried to sneak up there when you were wasted), but this time, it opens and Atsumu nods his head for you to step outside.
When you walk through the door, you’re met with the vast concrete expanse of the rooftop. Except it isn’t as empty as you expected it to be. In the middle of it, there’s a screen and a projector and a blanket and a bunch of pillows. You notice a basket lying nearby beside a cooler that looks like it’s been through a lot.
“What is this?” you ask, eyes fixed on the scene before you.
Atsumu shrugs, that boyish charm of his seeping through. “I wanted to do something nice.”
You peel your gaze away from the little theater on the rooftop and turn to look at him. “Something nice?”
His eyes go big, panic taking over him. Is it too much? Do you not like it? This probably wasn’t what you expected at all. He should’ve just taken you to a nice restaurant. He didn’t have to do all of this.
“Fuck, I’m sorry I didn’t tell ya ‘bout it. If ya don’t like it, we can just—”
Before he even realizes it, your lips are on his. He’s still gawking when you kiss him softly, deeply. It takes him a moment, but soon he’s kissing you back, his hands going to your waist and yours wrapping around his neck.
You pull back and he finds you smiling at him, all toothy and giddy like a kid in a candy store.
“I love it,” you tell him, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you.”
He leans down and kisses you again. “Don’t even mention it.”
When you separate, you’re still clinging to his hand as he shows you the whole set-up. In the basket, he reveals pizza from the place you kept telling him about, some popcorn, and a bunch of sweets. There’s a few cans of your favorite soda in the cooler and a tiny tub of ice cream (he tells you that he was supposed to get wine but his brother blew through their allowance for the week). You sit down on the blankets while you pick which food to eat first while he goes to set up the movie: Pulp Fiction, because you once swore he had to see it.
He sits down beside you and you give him that smile again, curling into his side. You turn to watch the movie as the sun sets around you, and Atsumu finds he can’t look away from your face. He notices the curve of your nose, the shape of your lips, the way your hair falls just right. He decides he could look at you forever and he’d never get bored, he’d always find something new and beautiful about you.
It’s not serious, he tells himself. But it’s not not serious either.
fuck ur instincts — SUNA X READER & ATSUMU X READER
you and suna are just fooling around—so why does he care so much when you start falling in love with someone else?
masterlist — next
word count! 1.9k — content! sexual imagery, implied fwb, swearing
Suna knows he’s being greedy.
When he has you in his bed every night, gets you to say his name in that breathy whimper of yours, gets to touch you like nobody else can—he knows he isn’t being fair. To him, you’re perfection, and he’s never been the kind to settle for any less. He wants you all to himself and he’s not afraid of getting what he wants.
And when he refuses to let anyone else know that he has you? When he’s decided to keep you a secret? Well, he knows that he’s the greediest fucker there is.
In public, you barely acknowledge each other. You run in different circles, you go to different classes. There’s the occasional overlap in your friends and his, but no one would ever call you two close. You’re friendly at most.
No one suspects a thing.
Everyone sees you as the golden girl, the one who everybody wants. You’re the captain of the cheer team who somehow manages to work through her degree in chemistry while still going to all the parties that matter. People have decided that you’re interested in relationships but you haven’t been in any serious ones. You already have too much of a life going on anyway.
Suna, on the other hand, is seen as the star athlete fuckboy. Apparently, he’s gone through half of the female population on campus and he’s still going on a roll. He lives in a completely different world from yours, one of debauchery and mess, where he floats above it all.
The two of you aren’t exactly as everyone says you are, what with you being the occasional nervous wreck and Suna being too lazy to hook up with people most of the time, but you like how people perceive you. It’s fun to live the life of a persona, it makes you feel like you’re actually living.
No one knows that the two of you are always at each other’s sides when everyone else isn’t looking. And it’s not just sex, no, when Suna has all of you, it means he has all of you. He gets to curl up with you on the couch and watch Ghibli movies on Friday nights. He gets to have coffee with you in the morning and eat the pancakes that you made together. He gets to drive you to your parents’ house when you go visit them and he gets to pick you up and take you out after.
He gets all the best parts of you that you have to offer and he has no intentions of letting any of that go. He just doesn’t want anyone else to know, that’s all. He has a reputation to uphold, and you just so happen to be a complication in all of that.
“Morning,” you say, rolling over to your side and finding Suna looking at you. “You sleep okay?”
He hums and wraps an arm around your waist. “‘Course. You’re here.”
You let out a light chuckle before pressing your lips to his. The kiss is sweet and tender, like it means everything in the world to the two of you. When you pull back, a smile graces your lips, your hand coming up to push a strand of hair from Suna’s face.
“I gotta get going,” you tell him, sitting up. “Iwa’s helping me study today.”
His grip on you tightens. “You can make him wait.”
You stick your tongue out. “Such a bad influence.” You lean down and press a quick kiss to his forehead before getting up and gathering your clothes from the floor. “Am I seeing you tonight?”
“Not tonight,” he tells you, eyes on your body as you pull your underwear on. “I have a date.”
You nod. “Alright,” you say. “Just text me whenever.”
He watches as you put your clothes back on and check yourself in the mirror to see if you look okay, completely used to this routine you’ve built for yourself. As much as he likes that you’re not bothered by him seeing other women, he can’t help the nagging feeling that you’re equally unbothered by the reverse. That you think it’s fine for you to go and see other men.
You never have, not in a way that matters at least. You’ve hooked up with a few people, but you always told Suna about it afterwards and it always happened just because he wasn’t around to keep you company. He likes the idea that he’s the only one that really matters to you. He likes that idea more than he probably should.
He refuses to consider what would happen if you actually met someone you liked. He tries his best not to think about it. Besides, it’s not like you’re going to find anyone anytime soon.
“You got plans tonight?” Iwaizumi asks, passing you your coffee and following you to a table. “Oikawa’s asking.”
You shake your head. “After my midterm later, I’m pretty much free.”
“And the guy? No plans with him?”
“What guy?” you ask coyly as the two of you take your seats. “There’s no guy.”
He totally knows that there’s a guy. There’s no way he doesn’t. He thinks that it started almost a year ago, when you were being secretive about your plans all of a sudden. You never turned down the chance to go out with him and the boys though, so they couldn’t exactly complain that the mystery guy was getting in the way of your friendship with anyone. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder why you were keeping it a secret for so long.
“Yeah?” Iwaizumi says with a knowing smirk. “So you wouldn’t mind if we whisk you away on a surprise week-long camping trip?
Your face falls a little at that. “Uh, I don’t know, man. I’d have to think about it.”
He laughs. “Whatever you say, Y/N.”
The two of you start talking about your friends, places you want to visit before the next semester starts, plans for the future, the occasional existential crisis. When you realize that you’ve been at it for two hours, you begrudgingly decide to pull out your notes and review for your exam.
After quizzing each other on the last two topics, you decide to get some snacks before going through everything again.
“Nope,” you say as you stand up and Iwaizumi tries to give you some cash. You hold your wallet up for him to see. “I’m paying this time.”
“Y/N,” he whines. “But I’m the man.”
You tut at him. “Don’t bring the patriarchy into this.”
Ignoring his protests, you make your way over to the counter to order your food. You’re pretty sure he’ll sneak the money into your bag while you’re gone anyway, but it’s the thought that counts.
“Here you go,” the cashier says, handing you your change and sliding over the tray of cookies and brownies. “Enjoy your food.”
You thank her with a smile, picking the tray up, and turning to walk back to your table.
“Hey, Y/N, right?”
You look over your shoulder and find a boy you recognize from campus. Atsumu. You met him at a party where he somehow ended up singing “Gotta Go My Own Way” with Hanamaki. You’re pretty sure the guy throwing the party regretted serving so much booze after that.
“That’s me,” you say. “Atsumu, right? I remember you from Haru’s thing.”
He rubs the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly. “Yeah,” he says, “I went sober for a whole month after that.”
You laugh. “It wasn’t that bad.”
He shrugs, then looks down at the tray you’re holding. “Lemme help ya with that.”
Before you can even say no, he’s already taking it from you and asking you to lead the way back to your table. When you get there, Iwaizumi nods at Atsumu in greeting.
“Hey, man,” he says. “Nice seeing you here.”
“Yeah, small world,” Atsumu replies, placing your tray down on the table. He looks at you. “Iwaizumi and I are in the same health science class.”
He smiles and you can’t help but notice how sweet it looks. You never really got to look at him before—what with him being on the verge of blacking out and you not exactly doing too well yourself back then—but now that you see him properly, you can’t help but think that he’s actually cute.
And hot. Definitely hot.
“Thanks for the help,” you say, “You really didn’t have to.”
He waves it off. “I don’t mind,” he tells you, adjusting his backpack strap. “Well, I gotta get goin’. It was nice seein’ ya again.”
You watch as he turns around to leave and, before you can even stop yourself, the word comes tumbling out of your mouth. “Wait.”
He looks back with a raised brow. “Yeah?”
“I wanna pay you back. For… being so nice.”
He shakes his head, the sweet smile still on his lips. “Ya really don’t have to—”
“No seriously,” you say. “Maybe I can give you my number. Let me know when you’re free, I’ll get you a coffee or something. To pay you back. For being nice.”
His eyes widen in realization. Then he smirks. “Sure,” he says, pulling out his phone and handing it to you.
You type your number in and pass his phone back to him. You smile. “See you around, Atsumu.”
“See ya around, Y/N.”
When he’s gone, you turn back to Iwaizumi who has an amused look on his face.
“So?” he asks. “Care explain what that was just now?”
You groan, already knowing that he’s going to tease you about this for years to come. “Shut up and eat,” you say, pushing a cookie into his mouth. He tries to speak as he chews and you throw a balled up tissue at him. “You got food on your face.”
Your phone pings on the table and you pick it up to check.
number unknown: this is tsumu. u up for dinner tonight?
Trying to ignore the snickers coming from Iwaizumi, you text back.
you: sure thing
tsumu: 8 sound good to you? i’ll pick u up
you: sounds great, i’ll send my address
You put your phone away and try to bite back the growing grin on your face as Iwaizumi watches you with a smug smile.
“That him?” he asks.
You shrug and take a sip of your coffee. “Maybe.”
“You’re so bad at hiding shit.”
You give him the finger. Then, you hear your phone ping again.
rin: date tonight bailed, wanna hang?
you: sorry i got plans :(
rin: it’s fine. u going out with ur friends?
you: nah i have a date
rin: oh cool
rin: have fun
“Is he still texting you?” Iwaizumi groans. “You have like one conversation with the guy and he’s already in love with you.”
You roll your eyes at him and aim another wad of tissue at his head. “I told you to shut and eat,” you say. “But if you must know… We’re going out tonight.”
At that, Iwaizumi guffaws. “I want details,” he demands, stuffing his face with more food. “I pretty much got you two together.”
“By sitting there and doing nothing?”
“Exactly.”
You grin at his antics and lean over the table to take a bite of his brownie, much to his dismay. You barely hear his whining though. You’re too busy wondering how you’re going to get through your midterm later, head already swimming with questions about what you’re going to wear to your date tonight.
notes! AAAAA SO IT’S BEEN A WHILE but i’m backkk baby! my stories tend to reflect how i approach love and relationships, so while my past works might have been more romantic and sweet, this one’s gonna be a bit more messy and angsty and sexy ;) so strap in loves, we’re in for a ride <3
You meet Kita Shinsuke on a rainy summer day, with a sea of hydrangeas swirling at your feet. You know him instantly, as only a soulmate can. He seems like a good man. Like a good soulmate.
But it's your wedding day.
minors and ageless blogs do not interact.
pairings: kita shinsuke x f!reader, oc x f!reader
notes: this fic has been a long time coming—it's basically my baby at this point. i'm so excited to finally get to share part one with you! i am so thankful for everyone who has sat thru me yelling about this to them. and a million thank yous to my beta, between your enthusiasm for this fic and all your help with it—i don't know if it could have been done without you!
title and part title are from hozier's "be" and "nfwmb"
tags for this part: soulmate au (first words), this is a very reader-centric story, very significant reader x oc, slow burn, hurt/comfort, pining, alcohol consumption, anxiety.
see main fic tags here.
wc: 13k
The hydrangeas are in full bloom.
You can see them through the window: the sea in each blossom, the radiant blue of them veined through with white, ocean and foam detailed in petals. They nod with the rain, weighed down by the fat droplets.
There are two men that keep passing through the sea of hydrangeas like ships, leaving little eddies of blooms in their wake. They must be vendors considering they’re weighted down by boxes, though neither seems bothered by their load.
You watch them for a moment. They’re both efficient, unbothered by the slow, steady drizzle. You rest your chin on your cupped palm, eyes drawn to the shorter man. There’s a few strands of hair peeking out from beneath his hat, the hazy gray of it—black-tipped like thunderclouds—an odd contrast to his lean, toned body.
He makes his way through the courtyard, and you lean forward to keep him in sight, your nose almost pressed against the foggy window pane. He steps carefully around a drooping hydrangea bloom, his calm face visible for the first time, and something threads through you for a breath unraveling too quickly for you to place.
He ducks beneath the eaves and out of your sight.
Just in time, too. The rain picks up drumming gently against the ground, carrying a few loosened petals with it. The other man—broader and taller but no less graceful for it—spits out a curse. He hurries forward until he too is gone from view.
“Told you it would rain,” Abe says from behind you, making you yelp. She presses in next to you. Her breath billows over the window pane blooming hazy against it, a marine fog.
“You did,” you say with a laugh. “So did the weather channel. Almost a full week before you did.”
She scoffs. “Yes, but that’s their job. Mine was sheer instinct.”
“And listening to the weather channel?”
“Must you slander me?”
“Yes,” you say, smiling, but your gaze returns to the courtyard where the hydrangeas are bleeding petals under the rain’s heavy cut.
“Are you nervous?”
You meet Abe’s gaze in the reflection of the window pane. Her dark eyes are warm and soft, and maybe a little bit sad.
“Should I be?” you ask.
She wraps a small hand around yours and you realize you’ve been tapping your nail against your water glass, a crystalline symphony.
“No,” she says firmly. “You shouldn’t.”
Warmth blooms in your chest, sprouts like flowers between the cracks in the concrete. You lean into her. She sighs, long and put-upon, but she tilts towards you, opens her body to you. It’s an invitation you know well. You rest your head in the crook of her shoulder and stare out the window.
“Yeah,” you say. “You’re right.”
“Always am.”
“That’s debatable, Natsu.”
She grumbles but starts to pull away without comment when the kimono stylist calls out for her. She pauses for a moment. She leans in and adjusts your shiromuku carefully, her fingers deft. Then she squeezes your hand softly, familiar and warm, like a song you’ll always know. You squeeze back.
You watch her reflection in the window until it blurs at the edges. She’s already bickering with Yoshikawa by the time it fades entirely from the foggy windowpane, their voices carrying. You’re sure that they’re curled together over Yoshikawa’s phone, flicking through the itinerary you’ve already forgotten most of.
There’s movement beyond the window and you perk up as the man from before walks by. He’s kept under the eaves by the increased rain, and you can see the way it’s dampened his hair to something closer to slate.
There’s a gleam of amber above the boxes he’s carrying; the briefest flash of his eyes, bright and keen. He sweeps by the window almost close enough to touch, and you press your fingertips against the cool pane without thinking.
It’s this closeness that lets you see his phone—a flip phone, of all things, with a little charm you can’t quite make out dangling from it—slip from his pocket. You wince as it drops out of view.
He keeps going though, utterly unfazed. The rain has overshadowed the noise you realize, and you’re darting outside before you even know it, the shoji rattling slightly from your force. The summer humidity rolls over you, so stark against your aircon-chilled skin that you shiver with it.
“You dropped your phone!” you call out after the man, hurrying along the engawa to scoop it up, careful of your shiromuku’s hem. The tiny charm is a stylized stalk of rice, you realize, the little panicles at the top colored with shimmering golden paint. It’s cute. A little at odds with his utilitarian flip phone, but cute nonetheless.
Ahead of you, the man goes still.
He’s turning around when his name unfurls inside of you.
The movies hadn’t said it was anything like this.
There’s no passion ripping through you like forest fire, no lightning strike sizzling his name into your very bones. It’s slow and soft, like slipping into bathwater after a long, hard day, the heated kiss of it a balm against all of your bruises. Like the bloom of the first crocuses, a promise of spring after the long winter.
“Oh, Shinsuke,” you breathe, and you think you’ve never known a name so well, that each curve of it was made to fit upon your tongue.
The man—Shinsuke—stares at you. And then his lips tilt into a faint smile, tender like the oncoming dawn; a watercolor sky burgeoning with sunlight, a world coming awake. You think you could build a home in the way he looks at you.
“There you are,” he says softly. “I’ve been waiting.”
You know.
You’ve known for years that he’s been waiting for you; it’s been scrawled on your skin this whole time. He has always, always been waiting for you.
Your soulmark pulses faintly. For a breath, you think you can see it glow despite the heavy layers you have on.
“Shinsuke,” you say again. It’s a helpless little sound, the edges of it catching in your throat like burrs. You need to say something else. You know you do. You know what you have to tell him, but he’s looking at you so softly that the words keep getting lost.
Your grip on his phone tightens until the little rice charm is cutting into your skin.
His smile starts to fade. It curls in on itself, wilting at the edges, like the last of the summer flowers.
He’s been looking at only you, you realize. Just you. Your face, most likely, but it feels like something more—as if he’s seeing down to your marrow, as if he’s flayed you open beneath his tender gaze. He’s only been looking at you. Nothing else.
He’s been looking at you, but you think he’s seeing the rest now. Your careful makeup. Your pristine hair.
Your lavish shiromuku—carefully embroidered with the elegant sweep of cranes’ wings and with delicate petals unfolding into bountiful chrysanthemums—that fits you perfectly, the heavy silk of it as white as driven snow.
You couldn’t find the words for it, caught up in the gentle sun of his joy as it pooled golden around you, but he’s finally seeing what you couldn’t say.
It’s your wedding day.
***
Your soulmark appears when you’re twelve, all without you even noticing.
Summer is in full bloom in Toyooka; the wet lick of a heatwave has settled oppressive over the countryside. It’s relentless. Even the rice fields seem to feel it, the verdant green ripple of them becoming a honey-slow shiver under the wind’s gentle touch.
In the heat the cicadas’ call goes lazy; the storks only come out in the earliest parts of morning. They wade carefully through the still waters of the rice paddies, their beaks flashing in the weak sunlight as they needle down into the murk.
The rental house is tucked carefully between two farms, a lone house amid the rippling rice plants. It’s old but well-maintained, a perfect little hideaway for your mother to finish her study. In the heat, she keeps the shoji doors open wide to let in the dancing, citronella-scented breeze. The first day you wander around the house to weigh the papers down with a mish-mash of items: the fruit bowl, pilfered from the kitchen counter under your father’s nose; encyclopedias long outdated; a pair of petal-flecked garden shears.
It helps it feel like home.
Abe and her mother have come to Toyooka too; your mothers spend their days bent close together, talking in a language you know by heart but still can’t understand. Caught up in their research, they leave you to your own devices.
Away from all of your other friends and the bustle of the city, you and Abe roam free like a pair of stray cats. You spend the days without chores wandering through town, your arm hooked through hers, both your tongues stained sky blue from the Gari-Gari Kun popsicles from the conbini. The grannies wave at you as you pass by them; the two of you wave back with sticky fingers.
You flit in and out of the rice paddies, scooping up tadpoles from the murky water. The farmers grow used to your presence quickly; they greet you cheerfully, accepting the onigiri you bring with little nods.
After you splash through a paddy to coo over them, Watanabe lets you feed his ducks. He pours the feed from his hands into your smaller ones with a grunt. His hands are strong but aged, the dark skin on the back of his hands papery in the sunlight, wrinkled like old parchment. He teaches you both how to sprinkle the feed into the water just right so the ducks go arrowing across the water, little ships without sails.
The days are long and short in the same breath.
At night, Abe’s flashlight flickers in her window like a firefly, long after you are both meant to be in bed. You flash your own message back, little secrets wrapped up in ribbons of light, never mentioned after dawn. The two of you are woven together as only childhood friends can be.
And it’s Abe that sees your soulmark first.
It’s midday and the clouds are rolling in across the clear blue sky hanging heavy and low, a gray promise of afternoon thunder. The two of you trace shapes in the clouds, shaded under a massive camphor tree, bumping into each other’s arms as you go.
There’s a rabbit in your cloud, the puffy edges of it extending into fluffy gray ears that wisp and sway with the growing breeze. You’ve just traced along the little curve of its nose when Abe—who has been burbling away like a spring brook, her chatter weaving a spell around the two of you—goes silent.
Then she shrieks and grabs your arm.
“When did it come in?” she asks breathlessly. She’s shaking you too hard for you to see what she’s talking about, but there’s only one thing that tone could mean.
You freeze, your heart pounding in your ears. For a moment, you consider closing your eyes, as if that will keep it from being real. As if that will rewrite your fate.
You think of all the quotes you’ve scrawled in your notebooks late at night, and hope for all of them and none of them.
Abe gives you another little shake. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! It’s so early! How long have you had it? Has anyone said it yet? What do you—”
“I don’t know!” you say, shaking her off and scooting backwards, pulling your arm towards your chest.
She scowls. “How do you not know?”
“I didn’t notice it.”
You hadn’t. Maybe it was the sleepy haze of summer days running together.
Maybe you hadn’t wanted to see it.
Now that you know, it’s easy to see your mark. It’s already settled into your skin, the kanji tucked carefully into the tender flesh of the crook of your elbow. The characters are neat, precise little things, delicate at the edges. It shimmers silvery in the sunlight. A winter moon’s glow inked into your skin.
Abe plants her hands on her hips. “You didn’t notice your soulmark?”
You shake your head. “You know I would tell you!!”
She huffs. “I guess. You really didn’t know?”
You yank on a tuft of grass. “Nope.”
“Idiot,” she says, but it’s fond. She nudges closer to you despite the heat. “Who doesn’t realize their mark was written?”
“Me, I guess.”
“Guess so. Lemme see,” she says, making grabby hands at your arm; you let her yank it close with a sigh. She peers down at your mark with heavy concentration.
“You look like Granny Takada right now.”
She pouts. “Do not!”
“You do,” you tell her. “You’re all squinty.”
“Do you want me to read it to you or not?”
You take a second too long to answer, the words caught in your throat, tangled on your tongue. Abe glances up. Something passes over her face; it’s too quick to know, a fleeting summer storm. She drops your arm with a sigh.
“The kanji are complicated,” she complains. “Too hard to read. Leave it to you to have a soulmate like that.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask, wrinkling your nose even as you relax, your muscles uncoiling.
She snorts. “Nothing, nothing,” she coos, smacking your hand away when you swat at her. “Let’s go, it’s gonna rain. We can’t track mud inside again.”
“That was you, not me.”
Abe ignores you, popping up to her feet and rocking back on her heels. She takes off before you can stand her braids streaming behind her like kite ribbons, and you yelp out a protest as you scramble to your feet.
“Nat-chan!”
“Keep up!” she shouts, halfway to the rice paddy that edges the little meadow, and you take off after her.
The skies open on the two of you when you’re almost back to the rental, the rain relentless and heavy as only a summer storm can be. You both shriek but the water is warm, and you giggle at the way Abe’s bangs are plastered to her forehead even as you keep running.
You tumble into the genkan just as the first lightning strike splits the sky. You’re practically tripping over each other. Abe knocks into the getabako, jarring a pair of your father’s shoes, their well-worn soles rolling upwards like the barnacled hull of a capsized boat. She grunts with the impact.
“Quiet,” you hiss.
“I’m being quiet,” she hisses back, just as your mother rounds the corner and fixes the two of you with an unimpressed raised brow.
Abe’s mother peeks around the corner too, her lips thinning as she sees the water dripping from the two of you. “You’re soaked,” she says. “And you’re making a mess of the genkan, Natsumi.”
“Sorry,” she mutters.
Her mother sighs. “Weren’t you supposed to be back earlier? Before the rain?”
“We got distracted because her soulmark came in!” Abe says, pointing to you with no remorse.
You gape at her.
“What?” she says. “It’s in a pretty obvious spot.”
“Natsumi,” her mother says, exasperated. “You’re always jumping in feet first.”
Abe grumbles, but goes quiet when her mother eyes her.
“Chieko,” your mother says. “Do you need umbrellas for the walk home?”
“If it’s not an inconvenience.”
“Of course not.”
You and Abe engage in a rapid-fire round of mouthing things to each other as your mothers search for umbrellas, too close to risk actual words. Abe speaks fast, even in exaggerated slow motion, and after you think she says something about snails, you decide it’s too incomprehensible to keep trying. You wave her off with a quick tilt of your head. She scowls but stops, crossing her arms with a soggy squish.
The scowl disappears from her face as soon as her mother steps up beside her, handing her one of your umbrellas. She traces a finger over the nearest little cat design, petting lightly at its fabric ears.
“Let’s go before you catch a cold,” Chieko says. “Say goodbye.”
“Bye,” Abe says, her voice stilted.
“Bye,” you parrot.
“Alright then,” Chieko says after a moment. She looks at you, considering. You bite the inside of your cheek, running the tip of your tongue against the pinched flesh.
She sighs. “You’ll figure it out,” she says softly.
You should have known that she wouldn’t offer congratulations. The relief spreads over you like a balm, soothing the scrape you hadn’t even known was there.
You nod.
“See you tomorrow,” your mother tells her.
She and Abe disappear out the front door and into the downpour; Abe throws you one last look before the door closes behind them. You look away.
Your mother is quiet for a moment. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
“I—I don’t think so.”
She considers you. “Alright,” she says. “I’ll get you a towel and then you need to go change before you get sick.”
“Okay.”
She disappears down the hallway without another word.
You look down to your soulmark. At the thin kanji of it, the gleam of them like spiderwebs caught in a moonbeam, an ethereal silver. When you touch it, tracing a fingertip carefully against the crook of your elbow, it just feels like skin. As if it’s always been there. As if it’s always been a part of you.
Upside down, the kanji are difficult to parse. You run your fingers over them once more, and then your mother is there with a towel. You yank your fingers away as if burned. She doesn’t react, just handing you the towel and corralling you upstairs to dry yourself off.
Dinner is quiet that night and you go up to bed early, tired from the ups and downs of the day.
You’ve just finished brushing your teeth when the flickering catches your attention. You spit out the last bit of foam and rinse out your mouth before padding over to your window.
A little light bobs up and down across the way; at moments, you can make out the vague outline of Abe’s face when she brings the flashlight up with a sharp jerk that almost hits her chin. She’s cycling through the attention-getting code you’d made up a few years back.
You consider pulling your shade down entirely.
Instead, you pad over to your dresser drawer and pull out your own flashlight. You settle into bed with it heavy on your lap. You pull at the edge of the faded sticker slapped below the switch, tearing a little piece of it off. You flick it on for a second. Just enough to let Abe know you’re there.
It’s not your normal greeting, and Abe’s window stays dark for a long, long moment.
Mad at me? she finally flashes, little pulses of starlight in the dark.
You are. Soulmates are different for the two of you. You’ve grown up hearing all of the jargon for your mother’s study, and you know that she has too. You know the low rate of soulmates meeting, and you know the distant look in your father’s eyes as he wraps tender fingers around his blackened mark.
It’s different, and you thought she knew that.
Sorry, her flashlight blinks out. I am.
You think of how she complained about the kanji of your mark despite being the most proficient in your classroom.
Mad at me?
You wonder how you would have told your parents that you’d received your mark when you can barely acknowledge it yourself.
You raise your flashlight.
No, you send off. Not anymore.
Good, she immediately sends.
You talk until your eyelids are drooping and your jaw is cracking with non-stop yawning. It’s easy to say goodnight, knowing you’ll see each other in the morning. You pull down your shade and climb into bed.
You fall asleep with your hand cupped over your soulmark.
***
It takes you three days to finally ask what your mark says.
Evening is coming to life, the sky darkening into plum, the faintest hint of cotton-candy pink lingering on the horizon. As your father sets the table, you’re unable to resist the quiet call of what fate has scraped into your skin.
He blinks, trading a look with your mother, but then he smiles softly.
“After dinner,” he tells you. “Okay?”
You nod.
It’s your mother who reads it to you later, the two of you whispering together on the engawa surrounded by the flicker of the summer fireflies. You curl tight into her side, a rib returned.
“There you are,” she reads softly, stroking a thumb gently over the kanji. “I’ve been waiting.”
Her voice is a honeyed drip, sweet and steady, and though she is smiling, you think she sounds sad. She shifts to press a hand tight over her stomach as if it’s the only thing holding her together, as if she’s suddenly too big for her body. You know her mark is there. The kanji has gone sour and black, an eclipsed moon.
“I don’t know if I want them to wait for me,” you whisper to her.
She presses a kiss to your hairline. “You don’t have to know, tadpole.”
You bite the inside of your cheek.
She shifts beside you. “You don’t have to wait for them, you know,” she tells you.
“Really?”
“Really,” she says.
“Do you think I’ll meet them?” you ask, kicking your feet and looking out into the night. A firefly flares bright, and you consider running to catch it. You’ve always been quick enough. The fireflies have always been trusting enough.
She nudges a knuckle against your cheek. “The chances are low,” she admits, because she has never lied to you about soulmates. “And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
“Why?”
She sighs. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
She still has her hand pressed hard against her ribcage.
You bite your lip and don’t ask anything else.
The two of you stay curled together under the stars, watching the trucks trundle down the road as the late-working farmers return from the paddies. Eventually, she ushers you inside, and when she thinks you aren’t looking she knots her fingers in your father’s shirt. The fabric winds tight around her fingers, cutting into the softness of her skin. Her shoulders are trembling. Your father cups the back of her head and brushes a kiss to her hairline.
You go up to your bedroom without a word because even this young, you know there are things you aren’t meant to see.
Not long after that night your mother and Abe’s mother publish the study. It’s a culmination of years of grueling research on soulmates, of half-written notes on napkins when you go out to restaurants, of simmering arguments between her and Abe’s mother, of death threats and poisonous words.
It covers the concept of soulmates like kudzu, winding over the romance of it and smothering it beneath statistics and a dissection of societal impact alike.
It gets a nickname soon after publication, and your mother’s smile is a melon rind curve, bitter at the edges.
They call it the Heartbreak Study.
***
Summer comes to an end.
You leave Toyooka on a rainy afternoon, the light drizzle sending water droplets racing down the train window. The storks huddle together in the paddies, their wet feathers gleaming like the moon. Abe is warm at your side curled into you, already half-asleep from the underlying hum of the train. It picks up speed and the rolling green of the countryside blurs like a watercolor, smearing across the horizon as you head back to the city.
It feels like you’re leaving more than the countryside behind.
Still, the city is a comfort, the bustle of it a familiar song, and you’d missed the neon lights that dot the streets like little flowers. With the return of school just around the corner it’s nice to settle back into the rhythm of city life, so different from the steady, unyielding heartbeat of Toyooka.
You unpack your clothes and yourself too, slotting everything back into your city life, trying to fit back into it like a well-worn pair of shoes.
“Oh,” Yoshikawa says lazily the next day, when you and Abe find her sprawled out on a bench by the conbini, sucking on a popsicle. She peers up at you, her long hair flowing around her shoulders like weeds in the current, softly swaying with each little movement. “You’re back.”
“She got her soulmark!” Abe says, dragging you forward by your wrist to display your mark.
“Natsu,” you groan, ignoring the way she tugs at your wrist to pull you even more into Yoshikawa’s space. “Really?”
“What, you weren’t going to tell her?”
“Yeah,” Yoshikawa drawls, her dark eyes sly. “Were you not gonna tell me?”
“Shut up, Yocchan,” you say. “You know I was going to tell you.”
“You sure?” she asks, propping herself up on her elbows. “Doesn’t quite sound like it.”
“Yocchan.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll stop teasing. Can I see?”
You hesitate for a breath.
“You don’t gotta,” Yoshikawa says, biting into her popsicle with a loud crunch. Her lips are blue with it, the same color as the mid-morning sky. It drips down her elegant fingers, catches on the small scars littered across them. She licks at them absently, but her gaze is keen.
“It’s fine,” you say. “I’m just…still getting used to it.”
She hums.
“Great,” Abe says, using her grip on your wrist to tug you forward again. “Look, look, look!”
Yoshikawa pushes herself the rest of the way up slowly, tucking her popsicle between her teeth as she reaches for your arm. Her fingers are sticky against your skin. She’s quiet as she reads your mark, her brow slightly furrowed.
She lets you go after a minute, and you try not to fidget.
“Romantic,” she says. She lays back down on the bench.
Abe makes a strangled noise. “That’s all?”
Yoshikawa blinks slowly, but there’s a smug curve to her lips. “Is there something else to say?”
Abe stamps her foot. “There’s so much to say! She got her mark! The first of us! The first in our year!”
“Nah, Sasaki got his right before the break.”
“He did?”
“He did?” you echo. Relief blooms in you, rooting in the cracks of you, and you let out a tight breath you didn’t know you were holding.
“Yeah,” Yoshikawa says. She closes her eyes and raises her face to the sun. It bathes her, turns her golden, an offering at the ending summer’s altar. “Our moms are friends. Heard them talking about it.”
“Oh,” Abe says, pursing her lips. She glances at you, and you don’t know what she sees in your face, but her eyes go soft. “I guess it’s better that way. It won’t be as big of a deal. It’ll be fine.”
“You think so?” you ask. It comes out smaller than you meant it to.
She nudges you with her hip. “Yeah,” she says, her voice gentle. There’s a promise in it. “I do.”
Yoshikawa hums her agreement as she bites off the last of her popsicle, ignoring Abe’s wince. She sucks the stick clean and glances at it. “Oh,” she says mildly. “I won.”
“What?” Abe cries out, practically clambering on top of her to grab the stick. “How do you always win?”
Yoshikawa grunts under her sudden burden, stretching out one long arm to keep Abe from grabbing the stick. “S’not my fault you have bad luck.”
“C’mon, you already had a popsicle today!”
You watch them struggle, Abe doing her best to blanket Yoshikawa’s lanky frame with her tiny one. The laughter bubbles out of you, spills from you like an overflowing urn, loud and unrestrained.
They turn to you in unison, brows raised.
“Let’s go to the park,” you say, laughter still sweet on your tongue. “Don’t want to waste the day.”
They eye you for a moment. They look at each other and shrug.
“Conbini first,” Abe says. “I want something.”
“You can’t have my popsicle,” Yoshikawa says.
“I don’t want your stupid free popsicle!”
“You were just trying to grab it!”
“Well I don’t want it anymore! I want mochi instead!”
This time you swallow down your laugh, let it spread warm through you like bottled sunshine. You follow the bickering pair into the conbini. They wait for you at the door, and you link pinkies with them both so they can drag you down the snack aisle.
For the first time since getting your mark, it feels like everything is going to be okay.
***
School starts up again.
It’s still warm, the last dregs of summer lingering in the air as you walk languidly to school with your friends. Abe flits ahead, her dark hair shimmering under the morning sun, and you think of a little darting fish on a reef, a quicksilver flash of scales. She greets other classmates easily. They always have a smile for her, and she falls into step beside them for a moment, chattering away.
But in the end she always turns around and waits for you and Yoshikawa.
She’s off in the distance when Yoshikawa glances down at the silver peeking out of the crook of your elbow, exposed by the summer uniform’s short sleeves.
“No wrap?” she asks.
“No wrap,” you say.
You’d thought about it, but wearing a wrap screams that you’ve gotten your mark. With yours tucked tender into the crook of your elbow, you might be able to get away with it. At least you hope so. You know how many eyes will be on you when people realize, and you shift on the balls of your feet, pressing closer to Yoshikawa.
She hums. “Alright.”
You know that tone.
“Do not cause any problems,” you warn her.
She blinks slowly, like a smug cat with a patch of sunshine all to itself. “I would never. Do you want some toast?”
“Do I what—”
She pulls a handkerchief filled with toast out from her bag, little oily spots of butter bleeding through the hand-embroidered cloth. “Toast,” she says, holding it out.
“Don’t try to distract me,” you say irritably, but when she nudges the toast in your direction you slip a piece free of the handkerchief. You’ve eaten breakfast but no one makes bread like Yoshikawa’s mother, a hobby she’d picked up in her year abroad as a teen. Any of her loaves crackle perfectly under the bread knife, each slice thick and hearty, woven through with herbs and spices.
“I would never.”
“Liar,” you mutter, sinking your teeth into the toast.
“So mean,” she says, but she’s smiling.
“Hurry up!” Abe shouts back to you both, her hands cupped over her mouth to unnecessarily amplify herself.
Yoshikawa ignores her, sauntering along as your fellow students pour past you both. She moves like a river current, languid and flowing, and immoveable from her path.
“You’re the worst,” Abe tells her a few minutes later, when you’ve finally caught up to her.
“Uh huh.”
“Don’t ignore me, Yocchan!”
“I’m not,” Yoshikawa says, holding out the toast again. She always brings enough for all three of you. “You just say it so much that it’s lost all meaning.”
Abe grumbles, but she snags a piece of toast. It crunches beneath her teeth, a crackling symphony. “This is bribery, you know,” she says through her mouthful, scrunching up her nose.
Yoshikawa shrugs.
“C’mon,” you say, poking at them both. “We’re gonna be late.”
Abe links arms with you. Your mark flashes bright with the movement, glimmering like snow in the moonlight, all prismatic ice.
She hums, shifting her arm just enough that your elbows are interlocked, hiding your mark as she tugs you towards the school gates. “Let’s go then,” she says.
Yoshikawa falls into step on your other side. She leans over and softly bonks her head against yours, her long hair a veil for you both. You press together for a breath, then she pulls back and links her arm through your other arm as you enter the school grounds.
You make it two whole periods before someone notices.
It’s Hasegawa, of course, her deep brown eyes going wide as you reach into your bag for your textbook. She says something to her seatmate, and Honda’s eyes snap to you.
You keep arranging your supplies. You set your pencil down next to your notebook and line them up as precisely as you can, nudging it back and forth until it’s perfectly aligned as they whisper to each other. They keep glancing at you until Yoshikawa leans back in her seat and flashes them a razor-edged smile. Honda squeaks, and they both go quiet after that.
But there’s no escaping it. You can feel eyes on you all day, and murmurs follow you everywhere. You barely eat at lunch, pushing the pieces of your bento around as Abe and Yoshikawa crowd you on either side.
You almost make it to the end of the school day, but then Ueda and Nakajima stop you in the hallway. You bow to your seniors as they look you up and down.
“We heard you got your soulmark,” Nakajima says, swaying in place just slightly, like kelp caught in a current. “Is it true?”
“Yes,” you say, trying not to fidget with your sleeve.
“When?” Ueda asks, frowning.
“Over the break.”
“Early to be getting your mark,” she muses. She doesn’t have hers yet, you think. Only a handful of people in her year do.
“They say the earlier the mark manifests, the stronger the soul bond,” Nakajima says.
It’s a common belief, one of the oldest wives tales there is, but you’ve spent too long listening to your mother. You know better. Still, your stomach twists.
“What does yours say?” Ueda asks.
You bite your tongue; the pain flashes through you like lightning, bright and sharp and bitter. The bitterness lingers, fills your mouth until you have to swallow it down. It stings the whole way.
Ueda waits.
When you tell her, it feels like each word is being torn from you, as if they’d rooted into your very flesh.
(You suppose they have.)
For a breath, Ueda’s face twists. You think of the first hint of rot in ripe fruit, when the scent goes too sweet, a promise of decay. It isn’t the first time you’ve seen jealousy over a mark, but it’s odd to have it directed at you.
I didn’t ask for this, you want to tell her. I don’t know if I even want this.
“Oh, how lovely,” Nakajima murmurs, moon-eyed. “You’re lucky to have such a devoted soulmate.”
You smile, but you think it’s a poor imitation of one, soured at the edges as it is. “Yeah,” you say, because she’s looking at you expectantly. “I am.”
“Well, congratulations. Right, Machi?”
“Yeah,” Ueda says, flashing you a tight smile. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” you say, the words ash on your tongue.
Nakajima tilts her head, bird-like, but Yoshikawa comes to your rescue, calling out your name from down the hall. You bid your seniors a quiet goodbye before hurrying to her.
She slings an arm around your shoulders, squeezing lightly.
“Okay?” she asks.
“Yeah,” you say. “I’m fine.”
She hums her disbelief but leaves you be.
With her by your side, smiling pleasantly and radiating danger, the day passes without anyone else approaching you. Abe joins you again, looking proud of herself in a way that means she caused a problem, and you wonder what you did to deserve both of them.
They come home with you when school ends, waving to your parents as you head up to your room. You collapse face-down on your bed and Yoshikawa laughs, low and deep and a little bit sad.
She and Abe curl up around you like cats. They talk about everything and nothing, filling up your room with their presence until you start to go lax against them. They shuffle closer as you do and they’re warm against you, like sunbaked stone. You sink into that warmth and breathe out deeply.
The next few weeks will be filled with questions, with murmurs behind your back, with everything that comes with getting your mark so early. You know that, but there’s one other thing that you know, too.
With them, you know you’ll make it through.
***
The school year blurs past in a watercolor of seasons. Fall gives way to winter, curling up under the biting cold; spring chases away winter in a riot of color, the sakura buds unfurling as your upperclassmen graduate, each bloom inset into the branches like a little jewel. As summer beckons, the days warming as the promise of rain hangs heavy in the humid air, Kimura gets her mark.
She’s only the third person in your year to get hers and she’s coy about it, wrapping it in a ribbon, the burgundy silk luscious against her skin. It’s as eye-catching as she meant it to be.
It’s elegant in its own way, though the ribbon wilts slightly as the day goes on, mostly from the way she keeps touching it. She strokes along the ribbon as she talks with her friends. You’re not sure she realizes it.
A few people glance your way, their eyes flickering to your elbow, but their attention is as fleeting as the first snow. Their gazes return to Kimura, to the bruised burgundy of her ribbon.
Something loosens in you, unravels from where it’s been knit tight around your ribs.
Honda gets hers next, and then Watanabe gets his.
Slowly, mark after mark comes into being, words unfurling across skin. As more of your classmates receive their marks, yours fades into the background. It becomes common and you sink into that commonality, having long waited for the spotlight on you to cease.
Your mark fades into the background, like a star just after dawn—known only to those who know where to look. You try not to think of it. Sometimes you even succeed.
In your second year of high school, there’s Takao.
He’s a quiet boy. Stoic, even, his face almost stony as he introduces himself as the new transfer student. But he has a dandelion tuft smile, downy soft and fleeting, carried off by the wind not long after it blooms across his lips.
You like it, his smile.
You watch Kimura—your class rep, a position she’s held since middle school—get to her feet. Takao is setting up his desk when she approaches, methodically laying out his supplies. He keeps them in neat rows and you can’t help but smile when you see that his eraser is a battered little Keroppi, its round eyes almost flattened into a straight line on one side.
The class’s chatter softens, a few people glancing towards Kimura and Takao. You can’t see her face, but her fingers are trembling, just a bit. He looks unbothered. There’s not a trace of nerves in him, until you realize that the tips of his ears have gone faintly pink.
Kimura’s voice doesn’t carry when she greets him so you don’t hear what she says, but you see the tension bleed from her after Takao speaks.
Not soulmates, then.
She relaxes, and from the way her hands are moving she’s starting to outline the classroom expectations. You shift in your seat, starting to turn away, when a flash of movement from Takao catches your eye.
He looks at you from beneath the fan of his eyelashes from across the classroom. He has a small spray of fading freckles, you realize, speckled over the bridge of his nose like a cluster of stars. He gives you that smile again. It takes a moment to realize you’re staring, and you look away, your cheeks hot.
“You’ve got a crush,” Abe sing-songs at lunch a few days later, jabbing her chopsticks into your bento and stealing a piece of pickled daikon.
“I don’t,” you say, moving your bento away as she tries to steal another piece.
Yoshikawa snorts. She’s sprawled out on the grass next to you and Abe, her long skirt caught up around her calves. There’s grass caught in her black hair, the verdant blades swaying as she moves, as if floating in the whirling eddies of the darkened sea.
“If you’re gonna lie,” she says, turning over onto her stomach, “at least do it well.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Liar.”
“Such a liar,” Abe agrees. “You stare at him all the time.”
“No I don’t!”
Abe’s grin goes sly. “I didn’t say who,” she tells you.
“I—it doesn’t matter who, I don’t stare at anyone!”
Yoshikawa raises an eyebrow. “So you don’t stare at Takao.”
You scowl down at the ground, ripping up a small chunk of grass. You rub the blades between your fingers until they’re a fine pulp, and the scent of a freshly mowed lawn permeates the air.
“See?” Abe says. “Told you.”
“Are you going to talk to him?” Yoshikawa asks, peering up at you. She’s sly-eyed, her gaze keen despite the way she yawns.
“Not yet,” you say. It takes you a moment to realize that you’re cupping a hand over your mark, rubbing your thumb over the thin skin just above it.
Yoshikawa smiles, warm and soft and knowing, and doesn’t say anything else. Instead she moves closer to you, curling around you like a crescent moon, her head padded on her discarded blazer. You settle into the cradle of her.
Abe is grinning wildly. “I knew that you had a crush,” she says, popping another bite of your rice into her mouth.
“Oh, like we haven’t seen the way you moon over Takeda!” you say.
She shrugs. “She’s cute.”
You huff and reach over to steal some of her tamagoyaki. She yelps, scrambling to pull her bento away as you snatch at the last piece. “Mean!” she says, watching as you eat it, the fluffy egg practically melting on your tongue. “I want the rest of your daikon!”
“Get your own!”
She reaches for your bento and you swat at her. The two of you bicker for the rest of lunch, only ceasing when you return to the classroom and take your seats.
Out of the corner of your eye, there’s a flicker of movement. When you glance over, Takao is already watching you. There’s a smile tucked sweet into the corner of his mouth, a sliver of a thing.
It’s you who looks away first.
You’ll talk to him eventually, you think, cupping a hand over your soulmark once again.
Just not yet.
***
Not yet lasts longer than you thought.
You and Takao trade glances across the classroom for one week, then another, and then another still. Each look is a fleeting thing, like a shooting star streaking across the sky.
But you don’t speak to each other.
You learn the sound of his voice through others when he speaks to your classmates and teachers. It’s quiet, steady, with a warm rasp to it that makes you think of billowing smoke. He blushes to the tips of his ears when it cracks. It’s cute in a way that makes you ache.
You learn the sound of him, but never for yourself.
Still, you gravitate towards each other. He offers you a tangerine one morning, his smile small, soft, and earnest. When you nod he uses his fingernail to split open the peel, unfurling it in a smooth motion. The peel curls bright around his hand. He separates out a segment and gives it to you, his fingertips damp with sticky juice. They leave shy little imprints across your palm.
The fruit bursts across your tongue like sunshine, golden and warm. Takao is watching you with hopeful eyes. You grin, and hold your hand out for another.
He sits down next to you to share it. The classroom is full of chatter, but the two of you are quiet, wrapped up in your own world. Suddenly, it’s not so much that you’re scared of speaking, but that maybe you don’t quite need it. Not yet.
It would be nice, you suppose, but as time passes, you and Takao find ways to fit together without speaking. Instead, you learn the tilt of his mouth and the crinkle of his nose and the way his fingers run through his hair.
It works. It’s not quite enough, but it works.
And so not yet lasts just a little bit longer, the two of you steering away from the cliff’s edge looming in the distance.
Another month goes by.
You spend hours with Takao, the sight of you together a common thing to the point where your classmates ask you where he is when they’re looking for him. You can usually tell them. You’re incredibly aware of each other, caught in each other’s gravitational pull.
Sometimes it feels like you’re destined to only orbit each other, to never truly touch.
But sometimes you almost speak.
It’s a golden afternoon, the wind rustling through the leaves like a lullaby, filling the space between you both. You’re tucked together on one of the benches in the school’s yard watching the flow of students as they head to their clubs.
Takao is sunstruck, haloed in gold, and it makes his dark eyes even deeper, an obsidian sheen. You’ve seen it before, but there’s still something about it that makes your stomach flip.
He shakes his head, trying to get his hair out of his eyes. It doesn’t work, and he does it again. You think of a wet dog and try to stifle your laugh.
When he does it for a third time, you reach out and brush your fingers through his hair, sweeping it back from his face. He turns into the touch, just slightly.
Someone shrieks out a laugh, and you look up to see one of the girls in the other classes batting lightly at her boyfriend. He murmurs something to her, and her smile grows wider.
Your stomach twists, coiling tight as you watch them banter with each other. The gaps between your ribs seem to grow, until the empty space is what you’re made of.
You want, you want, you want.
You wonder if you’ll ever have.
Takao senses your change in mood but you say nothing, and the two of you separate not long after.
Your father is watering the plants when you come home. They fill the windows of your home, the sun streaming through the verdant leaves, leaving emerald patches of light on the floor, nature’s stained glass.
He’s quietly humming to himself, each note off-key, but he stops as soon as he sees you. He eyes you for a moment.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Nothing,” you say.
“You were better at lying when you were little,” he tells you.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now what’s wrong?”
You tell him. It spills out of you like an oil slick, coating everything it touches. You tell him about Takao, about the silence, about it all. You hadn’t realized how much the quiet was eating away at your bones.
“So what is it, exactly, that you’re worrying about?” your father asks when you’ve finished. It’s a sharp question, razor-edged, but his eyes are soft.
“What if he’s not my soulmate?” you ask him.
He blinks. “Does that change how you feel about him?”
You take a moment to consider. You think of Takao’s smile, and the way his fingers linger against the palm of your hand when he hands you the erasers to clap; the way he lets you take pieces of his bento, all without a word.
“No,” you say. “I don’t think so.”
“There you go, then.”
“But if he’s not my soulmate—”
“You know the statistics as well as I do,” he says. “If Takao isn’t your soulmate, that doesn’t mean you can’t be with him.”
“They’re waiting,” you whisper.
“That doesn’t mean you have to,” he says gently. “You’re allowed to make your own choice.”
You’re not sure that you are.
“What if he is my soulmate?”
Your father puts down the watering can. You see a flash of his soulmark. It’s blackened, a charred smudge against his skin, and when you glance up at his face, there’s something old in his expression. For a breath, you don’t know him at all.
It’s gone as soon as it came, like a shadow beneath the summer sun. He smiles at you. “Then your mom and I will have to meet him, won’t we?”
You balk.
He laughs, a sound that shimmers in the air. “I’m joking, tadpole,” he says. “And if he is—you’ll figure it out. There’s no point in guessing before you even know.”
You fidget with your sleeve, rubbing your thumb over the fraying hem of it.
There are worse things than losing something you never had, you think.
“Okay,” you say. “Okay.”
But things are easier said than done.
It’s not easy, not with Takao. It’s hard to find the words when you’ve spent so much time living in the space between them.
You find yourself on the rooftop with him during lunch. It’s unseasonably warm, thick puffy clouds sitting high in a robin’s egg blue sky, and you’re sitting side-by-side, close enough to touch. Close enough, but not quite.
Takao hands you some anpan; you give him one of your onigiri, peeling the packaging open for him. He nudges against you, a silent thank you, and something in you breaks.
“This is stupid,” you blurt out, loud enough that a few heads turn your way.
You clap your hand over your mouth immediately.
He blinks, staring at you with his lips parted, and your cheeks start to heat. And then he laughs, the sound like woodfire smoke, billowing out of him in low, slow tones. It sweeps over you, settles on your skin, and though your cheeks heat more the sight of him sparks something in you.
He laughs freely and warmly, his eyes crinkling at the edges. It doesn’t stop; if anything, it flows more strongly, like a river to the ocean. You find yourself swept up in it, laughter bubbling up inside you.
When it spills out of you and joins his, it sounds like a song.
“I cannot believe that’s what you said,” he says, and oh, you’ve ached to hear his voice when it was meant for you. You drink it in, swallow it down, something for you alone. “Of all the things.”
He laughs again, short and sharp with delight, but your smile is wilting, going brittle at the edges.
You finally have Takao, only to lose him a moment later.
You’re not soulmates.
***
It changes things.
You don’t mean for it to happen, but it does. Suddenly, the language between the two of you is different. Too used to speaking without words, neither of you are prepared for actual speech. You stumble over conversation, the words caught in your mouths like pebbles in a wave, spinning over and over until they’re worn down to nothing.
“You’ll figure it out,” Abe says, lounging upside down on your bed, tapping away at her controller, her brow furrowed as she smashes at the buttons. “You just gotta adjust, that’s all.”
You sigh. It’s not something you can explain, really. How one space was filled and another emptied. It leaves something in you aching.
Yoshikawa hums from where she’s sprawled on your floor, barely paying attention to the tv as she hits combo after combo, much to Abe’s annoyance. “Soulmate stuff is weird,” she says. “But it’s up to you.”
“It’s up to him, too,” you remind her. “Not everyone wants to date someone who isn’t their soulmate.”
You throw a pillow at her face, relishing her little yelp as she tries to scramble out of the way and almost falls off your bed.
“Brat,” she says, tossing the pillow back. “He does, though. Like you.”
“I know,” you say, something vast filling you.
“Is this about the waiting thing?” Yoshikawa asks, putting down her controller and turning to face you. She hooks her chin over your knee, looking up at you with knowing eyes.
You bite at your bottom lip.
You know the rates better than anyone; you’ve spent your whole childhood hearing a language all its own. Percentages, probabilities, and all manners of complicated academic jargon, all focused on stripping away the whimsy of soulmates.
Your mother has only ever wanted to understand. But in that coveting, that hunger, she pressed understanding upon you as well, until you’re caught up in yourself, a tangled skein, so knotted that the beginning can barely be found.
“What if I do meet them?” you ask. “And they really have been waiting?”
Yoshikawa hums; it reverberates through you. “Dunno,” she says. “But what if you don’t meet them?”
You glare. “Thanks, that’s helpful.”
“Yeah, Yocchan,” Abe pipes up. “Super helpful.”
Yoshikawa tosses another pillow at her. “I don’t see you offering anything!”
“I already said it’ll be fine!”
“No you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did!”
You laugh, the sound light but loud. Your friends pause, looking incredibly pleased with themselves.
“Oh good,” Abe says. “You’re back.”
“What do you mean?” you ask.
“Nothing,” she says, but you think there’s a bit of sadness to her, in the waning moon of her smile. “Are you gonna play with us now?”
She shoves a controller at you and you take it with a huff. “Get ready to lose,” you tell her.
“What else is new?” Yoshikawa asks, moving away from you to grab her own controller again.
“Shut up, Yocchan,” Abe says, scowling. “You’re the worst.”
“Love you too.”
You ignore them both to pick your character, but you can’t help the smile that plays across your lips as they continue to argue with each other. Abe curls herself around you, sticking her tongue out at Yoshikawa. You shift to give her room and your mark catches the light, reflects it back like morning dew.
For a moment you stare down at the words that have already changed your life so much. Sometimes you wonder how much more they can take from you.
“It’s my choice,” you say. You freeze, not having meant to say it out loud, but Yoshikawa just hums, settling warm on your other side
“Yeah,” she says with a little hum. “It is.”
But it isn’t just your choice.
You can’t quite understand Takao’s smile anymore. The nuances are lost in the space between the two of you, a language half-forgotten. The structure is there, but you’ve lost some of the words.
You can’t quite understand his choice, either.
“I’m sorry,” he tells you, a scant few weeks after you realize you aren’t soulmates. The tips of his ears are pink, the color of the early dawn, and his eyes are glassy. “It’s just that—”
“We’re not soulmates,” you finish for him. Your heart is thrumming behind your ribs, a hummingbird battering against its cage. “Right?”
He winces. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t think it would matter.”
Maybe you should have known that it would.
He winces again; his hands tighten on the strap of his school bag. He stares at you, looking helpless, and you hate that you want to cradle his face in your hands. That you want to make it better for him.
“It—”
He cuts himself off. His lip trembles, wobbling like a spinning top, and it comes to you all at once. It’s written in the space between you, in a language you’ve both been speaking for months, one that’s all your own.
Takao’s lying.
“Tell me the truth,” you demand, clenching your fists.
He looks away. “We’re not soulmates,” he says. “That’s all there is to it.”
“Liar.”
“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he says. “Please.”
“Then tell me the truth.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“Fine,” you say. “Fine.”
When you walk away, he doesn’t come after you.
***
You hide yourself away among the hydrangea bushes that line the library, settling yourself in a sea of powder-blue petals. You curl up, pulling your knees up against your chest, and cry quietly until your uniform skirt is damp.
“Well, that’s not good,” Abe says.
You glance up to see her and Yoshikawa leaning over the hydrangea bushes, looking down at you with tender expressions. You immediately cry harder, starting to sob aloud.
“Oh shit,” Abe says, pushing through the puffball clusters of flowers and dropping to her knees beside you. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, it’s okay.”
“Takao?” Yoshikawa asks.
You nod.
She smiles, sharp and mean. “Abe, stay with her. I’ll be back.”
You shoot to your feet, grabbing her by her uniform sleeve before she can take off. “No!” you yelp. “No, Asako, don’t do anything!”
“Why not? He made you cry.”
“He just—it’s okay.”
“It’s not.”
“He doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t his soulmate,” you say softly. “That’s…he’s allowed to make that choice.”
She clicks her tongue. “He didn’t strike me as the type.”
“Me either,” you mumble. “I think he’s lying.”
“Why would he lie?” Abe asks, tilting her head.
“Don’t know,” you say. “But it just…it just seemed like he was. Please leave him alone.”
You don’t know how to explain it. You’re not sure you can. It’s a strange little language, the language that forms between two people who haven’t spoken to each other, and you’re not sure anyone who hasn’t created that language between themselves and another could even begin to understand the alphabet of it.
Yoshikawa hums; her sly eyes are narrowed, the deep brown of them darkened to almost black. “Fine. But if he makes you cry again, all bets are off.”
“Yeah,” Abe says, nudging you up to your feet. “And we know where you hide, so no point in trying to keep it from us!”
Your laugh is watery, but it’s light as it leaves your lips.
Abe loops her arm through yours. “Let’s go,” she says. “It’s lunchtime and Yoshikawa has a good bento today.”
“And it’s not for you,” Yoshikawa says lazily, stuffing her hands in her pocket as the three of you start to walk. “So don’t even try it.”
You laugh again and they bicker all the way to the classroom. You’re in the middle of grabbing your own bento when you feel eyes on you and when you look up, Takao startles, looking away quickly. You bite your lip as the tips of his ears go pink once more.
He glances at you again, and his eyes linger on your face. When his lips curl down into a small frown, you realize he knows you’ve been crying. He looks away as the twist of his lips goes pained.
Yoshikawa steps in front of you, blocking your view of him. “C’mon,” she says softly, chivving you towards her desk where Abe is already sitting. “Let’s go.”
You follow her after one last glance in Takao’s direction.
It develops into a routine over the next few weeks. You get used to the feeling of eyes on you all over again. Takao’s gaze feels silken against your skin, and though you shouldn’t, you bask in it. Maybe you’re too used to it; it reminds you of the beginning, when all you had was fleeting looks and quiet gazes.
But now he looks away every time you look up, though his ears always give him away.
Still, there’s a comfort to it. It doesn’t go away, even as you simply circle around each other, caught in each other’s orbit once more. This time, at least, you know that you’ll stay this way.
Except two months after you go your separate ways, you’re assigned to work on a project together.
Your hurt has waned; it’s a healing bruise, now, only flaring to life when you press on it. The hopeful look on Takao’s face barely even causes an ache. You stay in your seat, but he gets to his feet and comes to you as the teacher leaves.
“Hi,” Takao says, fidgeting with the strap of his school bag. “I’m—if you want to switch partners to someone else, I understand.”
“Do you want to switch partners?” you ask.
“Not really,” he blurts out, and this time, his blush is bright, the apples of his cheeks dusted in heated red. “I mean, no. I don’t.”
“Okay,” you say slowly. It feels nice, somehow, looking at him, at his small, timid smile and the way the sun catches golden on his skin. “I guess I’m fine with it.”
“Okay,” he says. “Okay, I’m—I’m glad.”
“Let’s talk after clubs,” you say. “We can figure out our topic then.”
He nods. He stands there for a moment; it’s only when you raise an eyebrow that he jolts and heads back to his desk. When you look over, he’s got his hands pressed against his face. You think you see him mutter “idiot” to himself.
The smile tugs on your lips without you even realizing it.
***
“I miss you,” Takao says, fifteen minutes into your third project session. “I miss you so much.”
You go stiff.
The project has gone well so far. You’ve found yourself falling into easy communication with Takao, but you’ve kept it strictly to the project, rarely going into your lives outside of school. Still, it’s easy in a way it hasn’t been in a while. You find yourself smiling, and sometimes he even makes you laugh.
“Okay,” you say, sounding wooden even to yourself. “I—I don’t know what you want me to say to that.”
He winces. “You don’t have to say anything,” he says.
You mean to say okay, but what you say instead is—
“I miss you too.”
Takao blinks. And then a smile is spreading across his lips, slow like the dawn and just as warm. “Really?” he asks.
Your cheeks heat, but you nod.
“Do you think we can be friends?” he asks, almost shy.
You bite your lip. “I think…I think we can try.”
“I’d like that,” he says softly. “I’d really like that.”
You smile at him, slow and sure. “Me too.”
He smiles back, and the two of you turn back to your project.
You find that it takes time to learn how to be friends with Takao. It’s not like Abe and Yoshikawa with the fluid ease of childhood friends, forged by years and years at each other’s sides, memory after memory built into a firm foundation. Nor is it like your other friends.
Takao seems to inhabit a space all his own. Maybe he always will. It seems right that he would; it doesn’t surprise you that he carved himself a place in your world without even trying.
It takes time. Eventually, even Abe and Yoshikawa warm up to him, until the four of you are spending summer nights together, popsicles melting down your fingers in the heat. You laugh through sticky lips and sit side-by-side despite the heat.
It feels good to have him back in your life, and high school goes by in a whirlwind of seasons, the years melting together until you graduate. He’s by your side when you do ,along with Yoshikawa and Abe, the four of you taking pictures on the school lawn surrounded by your peers.
The four of you spend as much time as you can together before you head off to college, just a few scant weeks after graduating.
It’s easy with Yoshikawa and Abe; the three of you are woven together, a tapestry of home. College is just another stitch, with the three of you attending the same one. You find a cute apartment just off campus, in a slightly worn building with wisteria dripping down the sides like honey. Yoshikawa and Abe like to hang laundry from the balcony; they says it comes back with a floral scent. The dishwasher is broken more often than not, the rooms are tiny, and you love it. So do they, and the three of you build a home together.
With Takao, it’s harder. You drift away from each other in college, pressed in on all sides by classes, studying, and local friends. It feels hard to find the time to breathe, let alone text Takao anything other than a fleeting check-in or a picture of something that reminded you of him.
Unlike before, it feels natural. It isn’t without its edges but they’re dulled, so that they press against your skin instead of cut. He simply fades from your everyday life until the ding of his text message is a surprise instead of a given.
When he walks back into your life in your third year of college, it’s like getting hit by a lightning bolt.
***
The izakaya is tucked away at the edge of the city, sandwiched between two small apartment buildings that have ivy spidering up the side of them. You watch as a sheet billows on a clothesline, rippling like water, the clothespins holding firm despite the strong breeze.
The fat tabby lazing on the edge of the izakaya steps doesn’t even lift its head to look at you. It’s sheltered under a verdant fern frond, part of the little forest of plants clustered around the entrance. Some of the plants are spilling out of their pots, sprawling out in great clusters of leaves, the tiny flowers dotted in them barely visible in the light of the nearby vending machine.
You crouch down by the cat unable to resist, and it blinks itself awake slowly, turning slate gray eyes your way. It sniffs at your knuckles when you reach out to it. It rubs its cheek against your hand once, and then gets to its feet, stretching mightily as your friends laugh from just inside the entrance. You try to pet it again but it pointedly turns away and curls up again under the frond, further in than before, a little forest deity hidden amid lush scenery.
You stare at it for a moment longer, looking at how its cheeks squish up against its paws.
“Pouting doesn’t affect Momo,” someone behind you says.
You look up, and then go still.
“Hi,” Takao says, warm like the early morning sun. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too,” you say, as if he hasn’t knocked the breath from you. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been good. You?”
“Are we really going to do this?” you ask, standing up from your awkward crouch.
He smiles, and you think he might be swallowing down a laugh. “Do what?”
You scowl at him. “You know what,” you say. “The small talk.”
“It’s polite.”
“Is that your main concern? Politeness?”
This time, he does laugh, low and sweet. “No,” he says, his eyes glittering. “You are.”
Your cheeks heat. “You can’t just say that.”
“Just did,” he says. “Are—are you here by yourself?”
“With friends.”
“Do you think I could steal you away for a drink?”
“Yeah,” you say softly. “I think you can.”
He smiles at you. “Good.”
He ushers you into the izakaya. It’s warm inside despite the open windows, and the scent of fried food lingers in the air. People’s chatter fills the room up to the rafters, little laughs peppered in like champagne sounds, little pops of joy. There’s another cat curled up on a barstool tucked away in a corner, a ball of white fluff that makes you think of dandelions.
Yoshikawa sees you first; when she sees Takao behind you, she raises a single elegant brow before turning back to your group of friends. She says something with a lazy roll of her shoulders, and suddenly, all of your friends are trying very hard to not look at the entrance.
“Oh my god,” you mutter.
Takao laughs, the huff of air stirring against your nape. “They’re pretty obvious,” he says. “Should we go say hi?”
“Later,” you say.
He follows you to the bar. He’s close, and under the scent of fried food you can make out the faintest hint of his woodsy cologne.
You sit side by side, close enough to feel each other’s warmth but without touching. The bartender brings you your beers, and you look to Takao as he taps the neck of his bottle against yours.
“It’s so good to see you,” he breathes, his dark eyes soft.
“Yeah,” you say. “It is.”
One drink turns into two until you’re both sliding closer to each other in your seat, pressing into each other’s sides. You barely keep yourself from curling into him. He leans in close when you’re speaking, so that his voice is rumbling low in your ear.
You share some takoyaki and then one of the biggest okonomiyaki you’ve ever seen, the pancake stuffed to the brim with filling and heavily topped. When the food arrives, so does the white cat, meowing quietly at your feet as it winds its way around the rungs of your barstool. Takao holds you steady when you lean down to pet it, his hand firm on your lower back.
By your third beer, Yoshikawa and the rest of your friend group leaves. She gives you a little wave on her way out the door.
“Sorry,” Takao says. “I didn’t mean to take up your whole night.”
“It’s okay,” you say. “It’s been…really nice.”
“Just nice?”
“Great,” you admit. “It’s been great.”
He smiles, and it’s that same dandelion fluff smile you remember, sweet and fleeting.
“Good,” he says, taking a sip from his beer. You watch the way his forearm flexes. “Listen, do you want to meet up again?”
“Yeah, I would.”
His eyes crinkle. “Great,” he says.
You bite down on your smile.
The two of you finish your beers between lazy chatter. It’s comfortable, as if you never fell out of touch.
When you leave, Takao waits as you pet the white cat once more, delicately bumping your knuckles against its cheek as it rumbles out a purr. It meows pitifully when you stop, opening its blue, blue eyes with a disgruntled look on its face, and you laugh to yourself, kneeling to give it a few more pets.
You look for the tabby as you exit the izakaya but it’s gone, likely curled up amid some of the planters further back. You and Takao both stop at the sidewalk, carefully making sure you’re out of the way of any pedestrians, and for a moment, you just look at each other.
“See you soon?” Takao asks.
“Yeah,” you say. “See you soon.”
“Good,” he breathes, with his eyes so soft that it makes your cheeks warm.
You say goodbye, and each of you heads home. When you glance back Takao is already looking back at you from the street corner. You give him a little wave, and he jolts before hurrying off.
You smile your whole way home.
***
“It’s so hot,” you complain, flopping down next to Takao on the park bench. “Can we go to the conbini?”
“Popsicles?” he asks.
“No, I want onigiri.”
He raises a brow. “How does that help with the heat?”
“It doesn’t,” you tell him. “The aircon does.”
He laughs. “Oh, of course.”
You head to the closest conbini, practically swimming through the humid summer air. The air is so thick that you could cut it; there’s rain on the horizon, promised in the encroaching gray-blue clouds hanging low in the sky.
Inside it’s blessedly cool, the aircon hard at work. The two of you scour the aisles, picking out varying snacks and pointing out new flavors to each other—you try to make him buy a cream stew Gari Gari Kun popsicle, but he refuses—before you head to the cashier.
You settle in at one of the tables, opening your drink as Takao unwraps one of your onigiri, handing it to you before he busies himself with his own food. He gives you a little swat when you reach out for his snacks, making you retract your hand with a laugh. As you pull back, you wonder when the two of you fell back into rhythm.
It’s close to the one you had in high school, but not the same. There’s something new twining through the rhythm, a swirl of notes that resonates through you. It’s an easy flow, a soft ebb and tide, like the calmest of seas.
“Hey,” Takao says gently.
“Hmm?”
“Where did you go, just then?”
You blink and take a sip of your peach tea. It lingers sweet on your tongue as you meet his stoic gaze. His mouth tilts, just slightly, something tucked up secret in the corner of his soft lips.
For a moment, you just look at him. He meets your gaze easily; he lets you look your fill, as patient as ever.
“Sorry,” you say. “Nowhere important.”
“Okay.”
You shake your head. “You’re so—” you break off.
“I’m so?”
You bite at your lip. “You,” you say. “You’re so you.”
His smile is small, but it grows, as steady and sure as the sun’s rise.
“I hope so,” he says, almost flippant, but there’s something soft in his gaze; it brushes over you like silk.
“Shut up,” you tell him.
He just laughs, quiet and low.
The two of you chat as you eat, talking about Yoshikawa’s upcoming art show at a trendy new gallery. You’ve been waiting patiently ever since the curator first picked her up as a featured artist. It’ll be nice to go with Takao, for the four of you to be side-by-side again, something that’s becoming as constant as it was in your high school days.
When you’re finished Takao takes all the wrappers and folds them up neatly, creasing them until they’re practically origami. You bite down on your smile.
The summer air rolls over you as you step back into it, licking across your skin as only wet heat can. You shudder with it.
Still you meander through the nearby park, ducking beneath low-hanging branches hanging heavy with fruit, the citrus of them permeating the air. It’s quiet, with just the distant shouts of the playground and the whisper of the leaves in the stirring breeze to accompany you both.
You find yourself at the koi pond without meaning to and Takao wordlessly heads to the food meter as you settle yourself on the rock wall that edges the pond. The surface ripples, orange and gold scales muted in the murky water like a sunset covered by clouds. You trail your fingertips over the surface, and giggle as they mouth at them.
Takao presses some feed into your palm when he comes back; the heat of him lingers there. Your mark glimmers in the light as you toss in the feed, a needlepoint flash of silver. You can feel Takao’s eyes on it. But then the koi come up in great, arcing splashes, the quiet pond roiling like the angry sea in their fervor, and you laugh as you dodge the worst of it.
Takao chuckles, and he settles down next to you to hand you the last of the feed.
You curl into him despite the heat, skin against skin, a slick slide of a touch before you fall still. The koi are still churning up the water, their gaping mouths breaking through the surface, and you give them what they want. Scales flicker by, a mesmerizing firework show caught beneath the surface, and so it catches you off guard when Takao suddenly says—
“I’m sorry.”
You go still.
“For what?”
He shifts beside you; when you glance at him, he’s staring into the distance, his dark eyes caught on something that only he can see.
“For high school.”
You breathe out through your nose. “So you’ve said.”
“I was scared.”
“So you’ve said,” you repeat.
He glances at you, then, and his eyes remind you of the vastness of the unending night sky, dark and glittering.
“I’m not scared anymore.”
You suck in a sharp breath. He waits, ever patient.
“Me neither,” you say, curling your pinky around his, twining around him like thread.
He cups your cheek, his touch almost reverent, and presses his forehead to yours. “Okay?” he asks.
“Okay,” you breathe.
He leans in and kisses you. It’s careful and sweet.
It feels like coming home.
He breaks the kiss when you’ve stolen each other’s breath away.
“Our soulmates—” he starts.
“It doesn’t matter,” you say breathlessly, kissing him again. He’s smiling against your lips. Warmth floods you. You love him, you love him, you love him. That’s all there is. That’s all you need.
“It doesn’t matter,” you say again.
He presses his forehead against yours. “You’re right,” he says. “It doesn’t.”
Until suddenly, it does.
***
You and your soulmate—Shinsuke, you think, still tasting the honey of it on your tongue, Shinsuke Shinsuke Shinsuke—watch each other.
The only sound is the steady fall of the rain.
It’s picked up again, sending the hydrangeas eddying, spinning in a lazy current as their puffball blossoms catch the droplets. More petals flutter to the ground. The blue of them is stark against the dirt, and you think of what a storm leaves in its wake.
Shinsuke lets out a deep, slow breath, and you wince. His amber eyes have dimmed and the last of his smile has washed away, leaving just the dregs of emotion behind, too faint for you to read.
You feel too small for your skin; your heart is fluttering, a hummingbird thing, trying to press through the gaps in your ribcage. You take in a shallow breath. It tastes of the earth, of drenched soil and summer heat. You choke on it.
Shinsuke’s brow furrows as you take in another breath, even shallower than the last, and your heart is thrumming, and his eyes are so sharp, so knowing, so kind. You’re caught in the amber of them, the resin of his gaze pouring over you.
Even the rain seems quiet now.
His lips part.
Your ribs start to crack; your heart thumps harder against them. Too strong, too fast, too loud.
Summary: sukuna was starting feel his his marriage becoming distant and not the life he wanted anymore. After running into you it sparked a new flame in his heart, you were the life he was wanting to have, the feelings he wants to experience. You are the love he wants.
Master list of stories
Sukuna took sips of his drink while sitting with the rest of the business men at the table for an after dinner party. His wife sitting next to him obviously flirting with all the other men in the room. He hears it and sees it every time he brings her to these things. The way she touches their arm and smiles while winking at them for their comments towards her beauty. They are all just boys wanting to play with a new toy, but he knows his wife will never leave him; she is wrapped around him for money.
No one has ever made a move on his wife because of sukuna. They all feared him for being one of the powerful leading businessmen in Japan. Some believe that he runs his own clan for the yukuza. He always thinks his wife would cheat on him in a heartbeat if she met the right man here but she never has, yet. Sukuna has thought about it in the back of his mind, just the way she acts. If someone with more money than him came in she would leave or possibly cheat.
It wasn't like he wanted to marry her out of love. It was arranged by both their families to have this marriage to merge the companies. His father was on his last line of life and needed his son to marry a wealthy woman to continue the family line. Why a rich woman? Sukuna never had a thought of being tied down with someone, but doing this will bring more money to him which he didn't mind.
She was not that wealthy and he had plenty of money he could spend and not have an issue since her family seemed to have an issue finalized. Five years later sukuna didn't feel like he was enjoying this anymore. Being at the age of 30 he was starting to feel like having a family was not so bad to have, since they married in their twenties, but she never liked the idea of kids. It frustrated him, they were not getting any younger and his ways of life were changing.
Now he has to sit through these parties watching his wife eye fuck other men while he is in the same room. In the beginning of the marriage he was young and felt like kids were not necessary and the sex was great, no baggage to worry about, he could spend his money on whatever he wanted, and go wherever. Now it just bored him. It was the same thing all the time. She did have her caring moments when they were alone but going out was a different story.
His wife liked to flaunt her wealth around when going out. Top designer bags, the most expensive jewelry that caught her eye and dresses that coast someone's entire month's savings. Sukuna had used his money all for her and himself. She never used any of her money on him, mainly it was sexy clothes to tease him with or buying something for herself.
Sukuna was starting to not feel loved in this marriage, it was all for money and merging companies for sukuna to own. Deep down he wanted to find a woman to fall in love with. He never got to experience those sappy romance moments. At least just one time he would like to have those with his wife but she states those are not worth her time. She would rather just have the sex, money and title.
After a long morning at the office, Sukuna wanted to take a walk before it got too stormy with the weather. Clouds were covering the blue sky and the air was getting cold. He put on his leather jacket and walked down the street in casual clothing. Heading into the shopping area he got a quick bite to eat of a chicken wrap from one of his favorite stands. Sukuna was savoring the food as he walked, closing his eyes for a moment tasting the orange cream sauce and breaded chicken.
Just as he walked he bumped right into someone. Hearing their yelps and things fall to the ground with thunder overhead. Sukuna had his mouth stuffed with chicken as he opened his eyes gazing at a woman in front of him.
You carried some books and stopped to get a cupcake from a vendor to eat when you got home. As you were saying goodbye and thanks to the person you ran into someone. Your things falling to the ground saying sorry then looked up to meet the man standing in front of you.
His striking blue eyes, pastel pink hair nicely groomed and his handsome face full of shock. The chicken wrap he bit into still in his mouth then took a swallow and crouched down to help you saying sorry. You heard his deep husky velvet smooth voice sending shivers through you. He noticed a cupcake box on the floor and picked it up to see the flipped over pastry with the frosting then been smashed.
"I am sorry about your books and cake. I was not looking." You smiled gazing at him picking up the things into your arms. "It's alright I was not looking either. The chicken wrap must be pretty good to not take your eyes off it." He chuckled at your comment. You can feel yourself swoon over his deep chuckle. How hot this man looked made your heart race.
The both of you stood up feeling the sprinkling of the rain start. You looked up and sighed not knowing where to go and you didn't want to just let this beautiful man leave out of your sight so soon. He looked over at you seeing his blue eyes trail over your body making you feel insecure about yourself. "You want to go over to the cafe across the street. Get a coffee while waiting out the rain. I owe you for the cupcake."
He asked you with a slight smirk to his lips making your legs feel limp. How dare you say no to this man. "Yes, that sounds great. I can go for something warm right now." You walked alongside him as he offered and helped to carry your books to the cafe. As he got close to a trash bin he tossed the trash from his wrap and held the door open for you, giving him a thank you with a smile and walked inside feeling warm. The both of you found a nice table off to the side in the corner of the cafe where no one would big the two of you.
"I am still sorry about making you drop your cake. My name is ryomen sukuna. Pleasure running into you." He held out his hand to you as you took it, telling him your name. He smirked and brought your knuckles to his face and pressed his soft lips to your skin. A blush filled your cheeks feeling the warmth and softness of his lips. How you wished to feel them on your neck and other parts of your body. A chuckle escaped him then let your hand go saying "what would you like, I got the payments." "Hot chocolate will do." You told him with a deep blush trying to look away from his gaze.
He smiled then went to order the drinks leaving you at the table a blushing mess for how charming he was already and soon he came back with the drinks. You took the cup from him as it warmed your hands and looked out the window seeing the rain start to pour, smelling the scent of coffee and your hot chocolate. Sukuna looked over you watching you watch the rain studying the features of your face, how pretty and cute you are just from this short encounter. Just a normal woman he dreamed to spend his time with.
You took a sip of the chocolate and looked over to him with a smile. Sukuna had a slight blush and sipped on his drink. He didn't know why he was so nervous to be around someone like you. With his status and looks to make any woman drop to their knees and beg for him to take them. A man like him can have any woman fall at his feet. Or was he feeling guilty for wanting to cheat on his wife? Maybe he should try to work things out with her? But he didn't want to reveal his true self to you just yet being worried about how you would change into a woman like all the others. That's when he noticed you smiling at him snapping his thoughts away.
He looked over at you, seeing you giggling and said "sukuna did you hear me?"
"Uhh no I am sorry. I was thinking." "It's ok I get lost in the rain too. I asked, how old are you?" He looked at his cup and said "I'm thirty, what about you?" You smiled and took a drink then said "I am 25."
Sukuna smirked and said "you have a man waiting for you at home?" You shook your head with a blush. "No, I am single. Have not found the right person I guess. Why, you have someone at home?" He looked away feeling the guilt and tried to find words to say. "It's been rough. With my love life. Just been lonely."
Your face frowned then beamed a smile to him trying to lighten the mood. You can tell it was a touchy subject for him. "I know how it feels you will find someone I am sure of it. You are a really good looking man. I am surprised you don't have someone."
A blush filled your cheeks while you talked as he looked at you with the smirk that sent butterflies through your stomach. "I can say the same to you. A pretty woman like you. Surprised you are not taken already."
Looking away from his stare with a deeper blush filling your cheeks and continuing to drink your hot chocolate trying to ignore the flips in your stomach. The both of you talked for a while longer just a few things about what you two did today until the rain stopped signaling to end this moment. "I should get back home before the rain starts again then we will be stuck here." Sukuna chuckled then said "I don't mind being stuck with you again. I can walk you home. If that is alright with you?"
You smiled wide letting him join you on your walk back home, he helped by carrying the books while you still had the box of the destroyed desert. "Again I feel bad about your cake." You laughed at him for apologizing so much even though you said it was no issue. "Sukuna, it's fine. I am not worried about the cake. I am just glad I didn't knock you over or something."
"Really a little thing like you knocking me over?" You shrugged saying "well you know what they say the bigger they are the harder they fall." Sukuna smiled playfully at you hearing your chuckles. You started to notice the flirting between the two of you but didn't care, there is a single hot man walking you home, you are allowed to flirt.
"So sukuna I wanted to ask. The tattoos on your wrist I noticed earlier. I just didn't say anything and didn't want to be rude."
He hummed and looked ahead of him saying "its not a rude thing to ask me,, they are just bands i have on my wirts something o got when I was younger." You looked at him walking curious about him. "So got any more?" He looked at you raising an eyebrow then gave you a playful smirk. "I do. Want to see them?"
You blushed at the thought of even wanting to see them. Just wanting to see what the rest of him looks like. "I don't know. Where are they located?" He chuckled still with that flirtatious look and said "I got them on my chest, abs, back." You hummed looking away not wanting this conversation to get too heated since you just met.
When you got home he saw the simple apartment's just right for someone like you. Someone that was so easy to talk to and not like the people he is always around. He walked you to your door and the two of you stood in front of it looking at eachother. He handed you the books carefully into your arms and looked at you.
"Thank you again sukuna for today. I guess it was nice bumping into you." Sukuna smiled softly enjoying the short time with you seeing your kind eyes and shy smile.
Though he didn't want to cut you from his life so soon. "Hey y/n. I know we have just met but I would really like to get to know you more. Want to go on a date this weekend? It can be somewhere a fancy restaurant or a simple one." You looked at him in shock, never thinking you had a shot with this man. You can not let him slip away so quickly so you answer too fast. "Yes!"
He was stunned a little to hear how quickly you answered"Oh well then where to?"
You looked around embarrassed for sounding so desperate. "Uhmm anywhere is fine really. We can even just go to the cafe again. If you like." Sukuna hummed then pulled out his phone making a contact for you. "Give me your number and we can talk later to arrange a date, time and place." You told him your number as he typed it into a very expensive looking phone. "Well, a very professional business like of you." You told him with a giggle as he looked at you worried you caught onto him but then relaxed seeing you smile.
Both of you said your goodbyes as you gave him a little wave. Sukuna got home seeing his wife in the kitchen cooking. He sighed thinking he should just not worry about you that much because there she was cooking dinner for the two of them. She turned around saying "hello love glad you came home. I missed you."
He watched her walk out from behind the counter dressed in see-through laced underwear. A sultry smirk on her face then bit her lip at him. "I missed you. Your little housewife is making you dinner."
Sukuna wasn't in the mood tonight, he just wanted to spend normal time with her. It was always just sex between them for most of the relationship. They would bang it out and go to sleep then wake up to go to work.
Sukuna gave it to her anyway that night after dinner. Pounding into her releasing his frustrations, hearing the way she barked his name with the same tone as always. When she found her release she was already done and he found it strange to why she wanted to end it so quickly. He didn't even get his release like always. He let her go away to the bathroom as he laid there and needed to pump his cock with a quick thought of you making him freeze a moment but then continued to finally get his release.
The next day you stayed at home reading one of the new books you bought when your phone began to ring with a number you didn't recognize, answering it to hear the voice of sukuna that brought a shiver through you. You smiled happily when he called you, hearing him talk.
"Hey so about the date. You free Saturday evening? We can go to the cafe."
"Yes, it sounds perfect. We can meet there." Sukuna said "good i will see you until then sweetheart." When he hung up you began to blush at the nickname he called you. You saved his number with his name with a pink heart next to it for his hair.
Throughout Friday you were texting sukuna asking about his day as he asked how you were. You were with your friends at the mall when they noticed your distraction on the phone seeing the slight smiles that appeared on your face. They began to bug you, wondering what you were doing since you were so invested in your phone. You made the mistake of telling them that you were talking to a guy you just met. Now they demanded a picture of him just to see how good he looked for you.
Letting out a sigh you asked sukuna for a picture of him and he delivered with no questions. You noticed the picture taken from his chest up seeing a dark suit he is wearing with a red tie and Hair nicely groomed with a toothy smirk he gave in the picture. Fuck he was so good looking. You asked him about the suit and he told you he was at work, you both never asked about work life, but you can save that for the date.
Showing your friends the picture they started to gawk and drool over him. "No way you met him." "He is hot and so delicious." "Look at the smile the hair those eyes oh please tell us you are fucking him." "If you don't want him I will take him." These were many ongoing comments from your friends. You knew it was a bad idea to say anything about sukuna. They so badly wanted you to be in bed with him just so you can tell them what he looks like under the sheets.
When Saturday came around you went through your closet to see what you were going to wear and the weather was in your favor so you went with a black skirt, a button up red shirt and did your hair nicely but not too fancy, it was just a cafe date nothing more.
Going into the cafe you sat at the same table where you guys first had a real talk. You gave him a text telling him you were there at the same table when waiting out the rain. Sukuna saw the message and smiled texting back 'our table'. Seeing the message you smiled wide then looked out the window hiding your blush from the world.
Hearing the bells chime you looked over feeling your heart beating fast and butterflies in your stomach. You gazed over sukuna seeing him dressed in his leather jacket, a dark red button dress shirt and black jeans with dark leather boots. He walked over your way with a smile making you blush. Both of you said hello and smiled shyly to each other.
"Did you order anything?" You shook your head no and said "not yet I was waiting for you." Sukuna smiled and got up to order a coffee for you and himself, a cold brew coffee the two of you both liked.
You looked at him and said "so I noticed you in a suit. What is your work?" He smirked and said "I uhh work for a big company doing email and stuff. Big office things." "Oh so working for the big boys then." You asked him with a giggle. He leaned over the table with a flirtatious smirk saying "What if I am the big boy?"
You chuckled and said "I would be very surprised and curious to know why a big business man would want to date someone like me, not rich and simple."
Sukuna smiled and said "there is nothing wrong with simple. I see the way the men act in the office. They get bored of the same thing and just want something normal in life after living a life of luxury. Sometimes they just want a normal thing in life. So what about you, what work do you do?"
You looked away from your drink, turning your attention to him and said "I work at a small book store near the mall. There is nothing exciting about it." Sukuna smiled and said "must be nice and stress free compared to where I am. People yelling getting frustrated for not getting emails or getting late responses."
You slightly bit your lip then let it go saying "well you look very good in a suit. I like it." He smiled wide and chuckled as you saw a light blush over his face. Fuck he is cute when he is shy. After drinking the coffee sukuna got up to the counter then came back with a cupcake from the cafe and shared it with you.
This whole date seemed like a sappy romance story you read from time to time. A mysterious hot man you just met, that could be rich and somehow interested in you. Or this could turn bad and be pulled into some illegal stuff. As the sun went down you were near the end of your date with sukuna and let out a sigh.
He was charming, sweet and so hot. You just needed a few more dates with sukuna just to see his personality. Again he walked you home before sunset But this time you gave him a hug to say your goodbye feeling the warmth that came from him and how built his body felt. Sukuna froze a little but then placed his arms around you in response to your hug. He forgot he was not in his business mode, not used to people hugging him, this was just two people out on a date.
After the date during the rest of the week the two of you texted each other all the time everyday or every night. You sent pictures of yourself cooking or sitting around the house, but mainly your bed. While he did the same but it was all him outside of a balcony or in an office, none of them were any of his home. You wondered why but you didn't question him, he probably liked his privacy.
You still always tell him how handsome he is in the suits and he always responds with a winking face or sending him a picture of himself winking at you. Still you can not believe how flirty the two of you have become. You just met him a few days ago and now it's like you can be normal around him. Shamelessly you started to save pictures of him he sent to you. Making one of the pictures of him winking as his contact photo, you ended up blushing everythime he called to say hello.
Sukuna began to notice his wife was coming home later than normal from her side of the company. He raised an eyebrow seeing her walk in quietly and fixed her shirt and fixed herself in the mirror by the door. "You alright dear?" Sukuna asked, startling her as if she was not expecting him to be home already or in the living room. She smiled and came to him, placing a kiss on his cheek telling him an i love you and walked away swaying her hips down the hall to the bedroom.
He noticed she was being more distant lately and not going after him for sex this week since she always does. It started to worry him that she was actually cheating on him now. He noticed she hadn't been on her period this month so she probably was about to start it. It was normal for her to act like this when about to start and to be irregular. She would be distant from him as if she didn't want him touching her. It hurts his heart to watch her push him away when all he does is want to make her feel better. All he wanted to do was comfort her to make her happy but he can not keep throwing himself to someone who won't accept him.
He was having a stressful morning trying to get people in order, running around the office figuring out meetings and responding to emails. His wife was ignoring him the whole morning, making him even more upset.
Sukuna watched his wife walk into his office and told him he was leaving for a while. He raised an eyebrow and said "where are you going?" She looked over at him and said "uhh I am just going out for a bit to the spa and relax. Why?" He leaned over his desk and said "because I worry about you. You are my wife. I am just wondering where you are going to make sure you are safe." She giggled and said "sukuna my love no need to worry I am a big girl I can handle myself." He watched her walk to him and place a kiss on his lips. He smiled and told her to be safe and watched her walk away.
Over the next few hours he texted his wife to see if she was alright and what she was doing but there was no response. He tried calling her then she answered with an annoyed voice. Why did she sound annoyed? "I was just calling to make sure you are alright, you are not answering my text." She scoffed at him over the phone and said "so needy sukuna I am trying to relax. Just leave me alone for a while please." He hung up with whatever and got ready to leave the office.
The whole drive he felt angry and wanted to go to the high in club to let off steam, maybe flirt with women but instead sukuna wanted to call you. Maybe you can calm him down well he knew you could. He parked his car near the outside shopping area then stripped off his suit coat, and tossed it in his car. Sukuna placed on his leather jacket hearing the phone ring for you hoping you will answer.
You suddenly answered with a smile and an excited "hello sukuna how are you today?" He sighed saying "not too well I had a stressful morning. What about you?"
You walked along the sidewalk with a book in your other arm saying "I was good today. I am actually out right now. Kinda been thinking about you." Sukuna smiled and closed his car door standing outside of it saying "where are you? I will meet up with you." "Where it was nice bumping into you." A playful smile pulled at your lips as he did the same. "I will be on my way sweetheart."
Sukuna walked to the same area where he ran into you as his eyes scanned the area to look for you till he heard his name being called out. His eyes locked onto you seeing the smile on your face waving at him and walking over to him with a chicken wrap in your hand. "Here I thought you might be hungry. I know it's your favorite." He chuckled with a bright smile and took the wrap saying thank you. You gave him a big smile feeling proud for making him feel better. Sukuna watched you pull out your own wrap and noticed the book in your arms as well.
"Another book?"
"Oh yes I saw this one and put a hold on it. It's about Japanese mythology. Though it's the smaller one, I have been wanting to get the bigger one with all the lore it comes with an art book of the creatures. But it's a little out of my pocket. And it has a beautiful cover box for the book." Sukuna unwrapped his food as you did the same taking bites of the wrap. You and him just walked alongside each other eating, not talking and found your way to a park to take a stroll around.
He enjoyed the time with you, hearing you laugh at his comments and the excitement of yours when you saw a dog coming your way. How you smiled at the little things and cared for the smallest of creatures. Pointing at birds that perched on trees taking pictures of butterflies and the setting sun. His wife never liked the thought of animals, calling them filthy and useless, some look better on a wall.
How much he changed as he got older and the new look on his life with his wife. He wanted everything to change.
The both of you heard the cries of a child as you looked over seeing a mother clean off the knee of a small boy who had fallen a foot away from you. She looked through her purse for a bandage but didn't have anything as she sighed and scoffed a damn it. You quickly pulled off your small backpack and dug through a small zipper bag shaped like a toad. Sukuna watched you curiously seeing you pull out a bandage from the bag.
He watched you walk over to the mother handing her the bandage to her as she thanked you and smiled. His wife would never do that because she thought kids were gross. You walked back to sukuna with a smile then continued your walk with him.
Sukuna was starting to have a deep crush on you and wanted to know you more on a personal level rather than your likes and dislikes.
"How do you feel about riches? What is your opinion on the rich life? Do you want to be rich?" You gave him a confused look and said "well that is a loaded question I have never been asked before." You looked down at the sidewalk in deep thought.
"Honestly I don't really mind money it's nice to have. But I am not set on needing to be rich. Extra money is nice to have to save up for later things in life, maybe better living. More books." You chuckled at the last part as he smiled and said "you like books don't you." "Is it not that obvious? Yes I love books. I want a big enough library in my home so I can just read, with a warm cup of tea, and a blanket. Possibly cuddling up against my man."
Sukuna smiled slightly and said "sounds wonderful." You smiled wide looking up at him and walked closer to him, noticing his pants looked like they were part of a suit and the dress shirt he was still wearing. "Did you just get off of work when you called?" He sighed and said "yes it was too much today." "You should take a vacation sometime. To a beach or a fancy getaway." You said as Sukuna chuckled looking at the sky saying "I wish but it probably involves me taking my work with me."
Feeling the wind chill over your exposed arms made you shiver and skin bump up. Sukuna noticed your discomfort and hugged yourself as he stopped making you look at him. He stripped off his jacket and handed it towards you offering you the clothing "Here." You took it slowly then traded his jacket for your small backpack.
"What is this some kind of sappy romance movie?" You said with a smile. He looked at you and said "I can just take it back."
Your arms went around the jacket and said "no it's warm." He smiled with a laugh and carried your bag. A smile formed on your face seeing such a handsome confident man like him carry a tiny backpack. For some reason you drifted closer to sukuna rubbing your arm against his feeling a heat rise to your cheeks. Smelling his scent from his jacket somewhat comforts you. The smell of natural soap, something of jasmine mixed with his man sent. Sukuna felt his hand graze yours as he looked to you from the corner of his eyes, seeing a blush on your cheeks while you took the wife of his jacket.
How you make his heart twist like a teenager again with a crush. He never got to be with someone like you. His whole life was nothing but forced to be with certain people for his rich status, to be with people for the photos and forced into a marriage. He took a step further with his beating heart and wrapped his hand around yours, intertwining his fingers through. A smile formed on your face feeling the warmth of his skin and strength of his hand without him squeezing it.
Sukuna looked at you to see if he made the right move and when he saw you smile and your fingers rub across his knuckles he knew he did the right thing. His thumb running over your knuckles comforting and easing your nerves.
"Hey sukuna what is your take on the life you want? Like what are your dreams?" It was your turn to ask life questions.
Sukuna took a glance at you and wanted to say, someone like you to be in his life. To say he hates the life he has now, that no one cares for what he wants, only doing it for the money.
"I don't really know, I guess I am just going with the flow of life. Wherever the river takes me. I mean it did throw you in my path. We would never know what holds in store for us later in life. Having someone to be there for me would be nice to have. But I can not complain about what I have now."
You stared at him listening to how knowledgeable his words are, while your answer would have just been a I don't know. He was right.
"Yea that is true but it's alright to feel frustrated from time to time. All we want in life is to be happy and to be a little greedy with something we want to make us happy. To take the pain away from the truth of life. Something to wash away your pain and forget the world."
Sukuna looked at you with a soft smile you hadn't seen on him before and it made your heart flutter. "Shall I take you home now." You would rather stay with him longer but you knew he had to go home, eat dinner and go to work in the morning. "I guess we should leave, I got to make dinner for myself." He chuckled then pulled your intertwined hand to his lips feeling them place a soft kiss to your knuckle. "If you like or want to, we can go on another date soon." You agreed with a smile and blush to your cheeks.
When you got to your place standing with your back to the door and facing sukuna with a smile as you stripped off his jacket trading it for your back pack. "Thank you for letting me use your jacket. Hope I kept it warm for you." Sukuna placed it on with a loud chuckle then smiled at you. You really didn't want him to go. He has been the best company you had in so long and life has been getting lonely.
You gaze trailed to his hand that was holding yours seeing the black nail polish on his finger nails that were not there when you went on the first date. "You painted your nails?" He lifted his hands to show you with a smile and said "I get bored at home sometimes so I paint them." You hummed then stepped closer to him feeling a little brave to wrap your arms around his torso and hug him. Sukuna froze then hugged you back as he leaned his head down and pressed his lips to your cheek.
The warmth of his lips on your cheek, made you blush and smile. Sukuna let you go and took a step back rubbing the back of his neck. "I will text you later." You nodded and said your goodbyes to him. As soon as you went inside your home you started to smile like an idiot and blush red trying to hide your face with your hands. You can not believe you ran into this man and now he is part of your life.
Over the week sukuna had been feeling really suspicious about his wife. She has not been home often and always comes home just before dinner or sometimes after. Sukuna didn't mind her being out with friends or having time to herself but it was the suspicious slow closing of the front door and fixing herself before she saw him. He does not want to interfere with her business but he is still worried. Then again why should he be? She is the one that wants nothing to do with him from time to time, and also flirts with any man at parties that she sees.
They had to attend a party after one of his meetings his wife dressed in a tight black low v neck dress with a slit open on the side to expose her leg. Sukuna dressed in one of his many suits a black cherry color suit with a maroon dress shirt and red bow tie. He wasn't much for wearing bows but somehow he wore it because he showed you a picture of him wearing a bow tie once. You thought he looked so cute and handsome in one. So he decided to wear one just with the thought of you.
He sent you a picture of himself tonight with a slight frown. You saw the picture he sent asking him what was wrong and he looked cute with a pout. He told you he had a meeting party tonight and doesn't really want to attend it.
Sukuna ran his hands through his hair and walked out with his wife hanging off his arm. He always thinks she looks amazing and sexy, he told her everything and it still pains his heart that she slowly stopped saying those to him. On the drive there his thoughts wondered, feeling guilty that he was even thinking of being with you instead. With his wife sitting next to him he placed a hand on her thigh giving it a squeeze.
She giggled and nuzzled against him, making him smile the first time in days that she actually touched him without laying down in bed. During the party like always his wife leaves his side to go walk around. So much for the cuddling in the car and the sweet soft romantic relationship. Sukuna stood drinking from his glass as he watched his wife from afar seeing her flirt with the many men that surrounded her. He scoffed and gave his glass to the bartender and went outside to get fresh air before he loses his mind.
His eyes gazed at a husband and wife sucking on eachothers faces making him turn away in disgust. How he wished he had that life with his wife now. Sukuna walked away from the party hearing the voices get lower then pulled out his phone to call you. He didn't know what he was doing exactly but he just needed to talk to you just to hear you. It felt like he just came her to drop off his wife to have fun.
"Hello sukuna!" He smiled hearing your voice excited to see him call you. "Hello sweetheart. Sorry if you were busy, the party here is a little boring." You smiled saying "no you didn't bug me I was just about to eat some ice cream." He smirked and said "going to save me some?" You giggled at his comment. "Nope sorry. This is all for me." You took a bite making a moaning sound "this is so good" you said teasing him.
Sukuna smirked with a chuckle, he liked hearing that sound from you. "Shouldn't be making those sounds darling." "Why? What are you going to do about it?" He licked his lower lip and said "might just have to go over there and show you why." You blushed and smirked, liking the way this conversation is heading. "Was that a promise or a threat?" "I don't know, maybe both." The both of you chuckled with smiles on your faces as he looked behind him thinking he should go back. "I need to go back now."
You pouted and said "aww I guess. Well goodbye sukuna. I will see you later." He said his goodbye to you then went back to the party and to his jealous saddened heart. He saw his wife dancing with another man. She never asked him if she wanted to dance. Sukuna walked his way over and cleared his throat with a deathly scowl to the man. The man looked to sukuna with a smirk and handed his wife over to him but not before kissing her knuckles.
It sent a flame of anger through his eyes, death glare at the man as he walked away. His wife giggled and leaned up to bite his ear lobe saying "I like the way you get angry." The night with all the sexual tension that sukuna had with thoughts of you he needed his release. So he let out the frustration out on his wife and she loved it. He pounded into her hearing her bark his name while she rode him digging her nails into his bicep. His fingers gripped her waist but he closed his eyes shamelessly thinking of you.
Wanting to feel himself deep inside you to hear your sweet moans, to hear you say his name. Again his wife released around him then stopped her movements. Sukuna looked at her with a growl and she slid off him giving him a pat on his stomach. "Why won't you let me cum in you?" He said with a frustrated tone and with a frown on his face. She only smiled to him and said "no kids sukuna I may be on the pill but those hardly are one hundred percent so sorry. You can fix it right."
She left him alone in the bed heading into the bathroom connected to their room. He sighed and put on his silk robe and went to the guest room bathroom. He decided a shower should be nice to wash off the things from today. But he still wanted his release as he went back to the room seeing his wife still in the bathroom.
Curious he silently walked up to the door staying quiet enough to hear her light moans through the door. He growled and took his phone then went back to the other bathroom then called you. He let the shower run, hearing the ring through his phone. He sighed thinking it might be too late to call you but to his surprise you picked up. "Hey sukuna." He smiled and said "hey you are still awake." You giggled and said "for now yes. I was actually getting bored. You alright?"
He hummed and then heard you say "are you in the shower?" "Kind of. I missed you." You smiled saying "it's only been an hour or two since you called. But I missed you too." He chuckled and said "how much did you miss me?" You laid down in your bed and said "a little too much i guess. Been thinking about what we should do for our next date." Sukuna hummed in response then said "you still curious about my tattoos, want to see them sweet heart?"
A blush filled your cheeks and hid yourself in your pillow saying "as a shameful woman yes." Hearing your phone go off with a text message you opened it still on the call with sukuna and saw the picture he sent you. Him shirtless in the shower with drops of water on his skin. The tattoos that trail over his chest and two lines across his stomach pointing to his v line just where the picture ended. You were speechless seeing his muscles and bare skin wishing to see more. There was no way this man is taking you on dates. As you saw the smirk on his face and wet hair in the picture it made you pool between your legs.
"Are you still with me darling?" Your thought was cut off by his voice through the phone and brought it back to your ear. "Uhh yes sorry. It's just. You look. Wow." He chuckled into a laugh and said "was it too much for you or do you want more of me to see?" Your face was red across your cheeks wanting to say yes just to see him all. "Just so you know darling you got me wanting you right now. I need a little help right now. If that is alright?"
Was he serious? He wanted you two to have phone sex. You never did that before but were you really going to turn down this sexy man. So you sent him something in return he got curious as to why you were not answering till his messages went off. He looked at it then a wide smirk filled his face. Seeing a picture of you slightly hiding your face away from the camera and breast bare out in the open for him to see. "That's a good girl. Don't be shy, you can play with yourself."
You whimpered and said "you better not be recording this weirdo." He chuckled and grabbed his cock with his free hand feeling his stiffness in his palm. "You got me hard darling twitching and aching to be inside of you." Hearing his words already made you wet, you could not believe you're doing this with a guy that you are not even intimate with yet. But you don't care, he is sexy, hot, sweet and handsome. You slipped your hand down between your legs and started to rub your aching nub feeling how much you dripped for him.
Moans of his name left your lips and bucked your hips. Sukuna pumped himself hearing you as he grunted squeezing around his shaft. "Yes sweetheart you like the thought of me pumping myself. You wish my cock was in you." Hearing his vulgar words made you moan. Yes you so badly want him here instead. "Yes sukuna I want you. I am so close already. You should see how wet I am for you."
He moaned fucking his hand hearing how sweet you sounded with the sounds his name from you. "Cum baby be a good girl for me yea." You moaned more and arched your back plunging your fingers inside of yourself and curling them to get enough of the sweet spot inside you. "Sukuna! Yes I am so close. Ah sukuna!" Feeling that knot break and creamed onto your own fingers. Sukuna groaned, throwing his head back squeezing his phone and his cock. He released a hard load on to the wall of the shower looking at the mess he made.
You heavily breathed into the phone then smiled and covered your face in shame. He let himself go saying "thank you darling I needed that. I will let you sleep now." You hummed and said "you owe me ice cream now." He laughed a little and said "I promise. Goodnight." "Sweet dreams sukuna." He felt his heart flutter when he hung up. He pressed his forehead to the wall of the shower and let out a heavy sigh. He didn't know what the hell he was doing.
You rolled up in your blanket after cleaning yourself, still a blush on your face as you laid there hoping you did well enough for him. Sukuna turned off the shower and dried himself off then placed his robe back on as he did his phone chimed. He looked over to it and saw a picture of you cuddled up in your bed with a text 'I wish you were here.' He smiled texting you a good night and walked back to his room to see his wife already asleep.
He forgot what happened a while ago so much for feeling like a marriage, so much for holding like she loves him.
The next day sukuna sat in his office checking emails and responding to things to expand his company. But he was not fully focused and had to keep retyping letters. His mind was full of guilt with thoughts of you. What the two of you shared last night was more than just people hanging out for comfort. He was starting to become lustful for you. He is a man who likes to break challenges and you are one of those, but he wanted you to break on him first and make the first move. If he can hide who he really is long enough for you to fall in love with him then just maybe he can leave this hell with his wife.
All of this was for money not for love she just saw him as a cash grab since her family was losing everything and he had to buy their company with a perk at the time of marrying their daughter. At first he thought it would be fun not to worry about dating anyone and fuck freely.
Now he didn't think that plan all the way through. He is older and smarter now wanting to experience those moments of falling in love. To raise a family and have kids to take over his company. With a loving wife at his side to comfort him on those bad days. Someone that can be just normal with him, not all about the business. A person like you.
Just as he was thinking about you he heard his phone chime. He looked at it, seeing a message from you. When he opened the message he saw a picture of you holding a chicken wrap with a bright smile on your face. Sukuna smirked and a quick short chuckle reading your next text. 'Thanks you got me hooked on these wraps'. He wished to be there with you.
After hours of being in his office he finally gets to go home and eat something. The drive home was boring and of course when he went inside his wife was nowhere. It's a habit she has been doing a lot, not that sukuna cares much anymore now. Sukuna stood in the kitchen making his food then went to sit in the living room with the TV on. Half way into his meal he heard the door open then looked over to see his wife. His eyes trailed her form waiting for her to say hello or I love you. His eyes trailed over her body then saw a red mark on her neck that she tried to cover with her coat when she walked inside. He cleared his throat, startling her as she looked over to him, slightly shocked to see him home.
He noticed her quickly covering her neck with her hand and smiled. "Hello dear, didn't know you were out here." Sukuna stood up with his brows furrowed and walked over to her. He grabbed her wrist as she looked up to him with worry then he pulled her hand away from her neck and the coat to the side off her shoulder.
His heart dropped; she was in fact cheating on him, seeing the red love bite on her skin. He let out a growl and dropped her hand saying "fuck this shit." Sukuna walked away from her as she chased after him into the room. "Why are you so upset? I was trying to get you a deal with someone that can help get us even more money. You should be proud of it." Sukuna grabbed a suitcase slamming it onto the bed and yelled "proud! You thought I would be proud of my wife cheating on me!"
She scowled at him and crossed her arms and said "oh like you have not been fucking other women behind my back." He looked at her hurt that she even thought that. "What are you talking about? I never once cheated on you. I have been loyal to you. Since we've been married. Now I find out you have been fucking men behind my back."
She rolled her eyes and looked away saying "I have not been fucking men I was only touching and flirting with them maybe a few kisses here and there but nothing more." He scoffed packing his suitcase and took it with him. "It's the same thing, just shut up and go back to wherever you came from. I am sure you like it better with him." He told her walking out of the bedroom to the living room.
"Sukuna, where are you going? It was just a hickey." He growled and said "leaving for a while I would rather be alone than to be here with a whore like you." She looked at dropping her jaw then scoffed with a snarl saying "sukuna really. Like you won't find anyone better than me."
Sukuna walked out his door and left in his car to the other housing he has that looked over the city. This is the house he wants to live in, one where he can raise his family. This house he bought during his marriage to think that he wants a life with her. He sighed and went to the bedroom in the home to hang up the suits and extra clothes he brought with him. Sukuna groaned, rubbing his face as he sat on the bed wanting then clenched his fist wanting to break things to let out his anger.
He checked his phone, seeing nothing from his wife. She really didn't care about what she had done. He growled standing up from the bed clenching his phone then slammed it into the floor breaking it into pieces. After calming down he saw what he did, letting a heavy breath from his nose. At least it was his phone and not the wall or a person.
He groaned and picked up the pieces of his phone off the floor then left his home to go get a new one. He would rather just not have a phone for the moment and try to calm down or even better just be with you. But he had a business to run so he needed to get a new phone. After getting one he drove through the city with the radio off and a elbow on the driver door resting his cheek on his knuckles bored out of his mind.
Sukuna heard the rain lightly patter on the car feeling his world coming apart. The thoughts of his wife still lingered on his mind as he scrunched his brows then slammed his palm against the steering wheel. "Fuck!" He can't take this he needs to see you rather you like it or not. He flipped a u turn at a light a drove off to your apartment parking outside looking at it debating his choices.
He shook his head taking his phone and jacket then made his way over to your front door standing in front of it and swallowed hard. Sukuna lifted his hand and knocked hard on your door. There was no answer so he checked the time on his phone seeing how late it was. He breathed out "shit."
Then he froze hearing your door unlock and open slightly seeing your face in shock. "Sukuna? What are you doing here?" He smiled slightly with a frustrated "hey." You noticed how drained he looked, his eyes looked hurt and his hair getting soaked from the rain going flat to his head. "Get in before you get a cold." He walked in when you opened the door, feeling the warmth of your home engulf his body.
He looked at your body seeing the oversized shirt you wore that barely covered your thighs. A smirk formed on his face, his mind running in dirty scenes. You looked at him and said "go sit on the couch I will be back." Sukuna nodded and took a seat looking around your living room, seeing a few plants, pictures of scenery, landscapes and a bookshelf by the tv. You came back with a hand towel then stood in front of him handing out the towel. "Here dry your hair."
Sukuna took it with a side smile saying "thanks." He began to dry his hair making it more of mess after he was done. A smile filled your face holding back a giggle seeing his pink hair stick up in different places. "Hey sukuna you alright? Why are you out so late?" He hung his head low and leaned his forearms on his thighs saying "it's not a good night. Some family life trouble. I just needed to see you before I lost my mind."
You frowned and said "do you want to talk about it?" He grunted not looking at you then he quickly reached out his hands grabbing you by the hips and pulled you to fall in his lap. Your legs straddled him, feeling his groin between your legs as your shirt started to rise up. The heat and blush filled your cheeks, trying to push away from sukuna. "Hey what are you doing?"
Sukuna groaned and wrapped his arms around your torso saying "stop squirming can I hold you please?" You froze feeling his hold on you, it made your heart flutter and your core ache for him being so close. He placed his face into your neck breathing in your scent feeling calm then felt your hand rub across his back.
"Sukuna, if you ever need to talk or need a place to be i am always here." You felt his lips press against the crook of your neck sending your skin a flame. He pulled away to look at you seeing your eyes and flushed face then leaned in closer to you. His lips hovered right over yours, noses brushed against his and you felt his warm breath on your skin.
There were no words exchanged as you both leaned into each other. Feeling his lips press against yours, so soft, warm and demanding when he leaned in harder against you. Lips moving in sync as you parted your mouth a little feeling his tongue lick your lower lip, you opened to let him. His tongue invaded your mouth giving your tongue a swirl and a seductive flick when he pulled away. You took a deep breath licking your lips tasting him then went in for more.
Tongues battle for dominance but you let him take over as you push your hips against his. Sukuna kept his eyes closed feeling you against him, the way your lips molded against his and the soft touches to his bigger frame. He needs you and wants you. He slowly slipped his fingers under your shirt and slid his hands fully under your shirt grasping your hips. You opened your eyes slightly to look at his face letting out a gasp from his touch. "Sukuna." You lightly moaned out his name making him groan against your lips.
Sukuna moved his face and hid it in your neck giving a light bite then put his lips to your ear. "May I have you tonight?" A bright blush filled your face, you want to go into bed with him but you also wanted to wait and not give into him so fast. "I am sorry if I am putting pressure on you. But you got me thinking about being between your legs ever since that night."
You could feel the warmth cream of your arousal pool out soaking your underwear. "S..sukuna let's go to my room." He let you go as he got a view of the underwear you're wearing, lacy thin and black. He smirked following you down a hall to your bedroom getting the more personal view of you.
Seeing two more book shelves filled with books and plush animals, some statues throughout it. The clothes are thrown on the floor in a corner, a few tea cans littering the tables. You held down the bottom of the shirt to cover yourself as he watched you clear off the bed tossing some things on the dresser including your laptop.
When you leaned over the bed to grab things, your shirt raised all the way passed your ass giving sukuna perfect view of you. The plump roundness fit into such small tight panties leaving so much of the bare skin to his view. He could feel the tightness in his pants when his cock twitched to be inside of you, imagining the feeling of the plumpness pressed against him as he fucks you from behind. His eyes roamed over your figure then went to your face seeing you looking straight back at him.
Sukuna dropped his smirk and looked away hearing you shifted around then say "alright the bed is ready." He looked back to you noticing how shy you were, and wondered if this was your first time. "I just want to know before we do anything, is this your first time?"
You blushed putting out your hands saying "no no its just been a while since I last had sex. And you are really intimidating." He heard the last part and laughed crossing his arms. "If I am really that scary will it be better if I get down on my knees let you have the higher ground."
You shook your head and walked over to him pressing your body to his. Sukuna looked down at you, releasing his arms, putting them around you watching and feeling your hands run over his chest. "I am just nervous to have my heart broken again. So I am scared to open my heart to someone. And you have been nothing but caring to me so I am just worried you will only want one thing."
Sukuna hummed, raising a hand to your face, carefully taking your chin between your fingers forcing you to stare at him. "Darling who ever said I was letting you go. Yes I do like sex in relationships but I give with a full heart."
You smiled brightly to him then stepped away from his frame enough to grab the bottom of your shirt and pull it over your head revealing your naked torso to sukuna. Your breast free to his eyes only in your lace panties making him groan out a little.
Sukuna followed you soon after peeling off his shirt and unbuckling his belt, letting his pants drop to the floor. You stood there stunned to see a full body. The muscles of his puffed chest and the rolls of his abs all covered with the tattoos, seeing it here in person. His thick arms you just wanted to be wrapped up in, eyes trailing down to his front view that you so wished to see from the shower picture. The strain tightens the fabric ready to release whatever beast it was holding back.
Sukuna did the same gazing over your natural curvy figure with some natural plump to your tummy and legs. Every woman he was with before his marriage was trying to be the model type. Skinny, big breasts and big ass with skimpy clothing. He questioned if most of them were even real and it disgusted him to even think he laid with them. Even his wife started to go on a diet to lose weight ignoring the compliments he told her all the time she is perfect the way she is.
Seeing you starting to get shy he acted fast moving to you and pulled you closer against him. His lips smashed to yours pushing you back till you hit the bed and laid onto it pulling him on top of you. Sukuna kissed you with so much passion slipping his legs between yours you just opened your legs for him. He chuckled against your lips then trailed his mouth across your jaw finding the spot on your neck that made you moan when he kissed it.
"Sukuna…" he hummed against your skin, feeling the vibration through your neck. He begin to roll his hips grinding his clothed erection on your clothed soaking folds. "Y/n. You're beautiful." Your heart fluttered, putting your hands into his fluffy hair still feeling the dampness from the rain.
Sukuna moved away from your body seeing you laying on your back face flushed pink, breast perky and nipple hard from the cool air. "Can I take these off?" He asked as he hooked his fingers into the side of the laced fabric. You nodded seeing the smirk on his face then pulled down your panties while you lifted your hips making it easier for him to take them off. He gazed at you fully bare and naturally it made his heart skip a beat, you are truly beautiful to him.
It was his turn as he stared at you while stripping down his underwear letting his hard shaft spring up. Your eyes widened seeing his full cock thick and bigger than average, his pink mushroom tip oozing with precum. He grabbed himself and started to pump his fist as you let out a gasp then looked to his eyes half lidded and full of lust.
"Do you have condoms?" You shook your head saying no as he sighed. "I will be alright with out one. That is if I can trust you." Sukuna smirked and leaned over your body saying "I am clean if that is what you are worried about and I will pull out when I am about to cum."
You shifted onto the bed letting sukuna climb onto the bed towering over you as you spread your legs. He smirked, kissed you hard, rubbing his erection across your folds making you moan into his mouth. He rested onto one forearm and used his other free hand to cup your breast then released your mouth to trail his lips down your neck. You knew where this was leading feeling hot hot breath along your skin teasing your breast then felt him lick your nipple.
A moan left your lips as you closed your eyes enjoying the warm swirl of his tongue on your breast then felt him move to the other while his hand massaged the other. When he pulled his mouth away a pucker sound came from it, feeling them get more hard from his saliva cooling on your skin. "Sweetheart let me feast on you?"
Your cheeks tinted with a blush but ignored his question as he stared at you with those lustful dark crimson eyes. He continued to make eye contact with you as he moved down your stomach giving light kisses across your stomach while he moved. He stopped between your legs hovering over your wet flesh seeing a proud smirk on his face then took a whiff of you. "You smell so sweet my dear."
You watched him lick his lips feeling embarrassed you covered your half of your face still watching him. Sukuna leaned down holding your legs apart spreading you wide and stuck out his tongue giving your lower lips a long lick. "Oh fuck. " you breathed out laying your head back hearing his chuckle and felt his lips around your clit swirling his tongue around your bud.
Your hands covered your face feeling the way he worked on you sucking and licking every part of your folds then you felt him move for just a moment to say "this pussy tastes great."
Sukuna moved a hand sliding two of his fingers across you slick heat lubricating them just before he slipped them into your wet cave. A moan fell from your mouth feeling his thick fingers curl against a good spot pumping them in and out of you while his tongue still swirled around your clit. "Damn sukuna..this feels great." You started to buck your hips wanting to feel his fingers deeper inside of you while the knot in your lower abdomen begin to build.
"Sukuna..ahh..I am getting closer.." Your hands gripped the blanket under you digger your fingers into it while sukuna took a quick look at your face seeing you in pure bliss. He though you had enough and pulled out his fingers from you and leaned up seeing you looked at him with a pout to your lips. It made him smile, to think his wife would flip out if he did that to her.
Sukuna made sure you watched him sink his cream coated fingers into his mouth, licking them clean. Your eyes widened and watched him grab his cock positioning himself between your legs rubbing his tip across your folds while pumping himself. You shamelessly whimpered to bucked your hips to him wanting him in you. "Sukuna please I want you in me."
He leaned over you pushing his tip through your entrance and slowly pushed himself forward, feeling how tight you are as he sunk into you inch by inch. Your eyes rolled back, closing them feeling his length stretch you open filling you up till he bottomed out. "Fuck you are so tight. Such a good girl taking in my cock." You moaned out to him then wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him down closer on top of you.
His lips pressed against yours starting to move slowly, pulling out and sinking back in hearing your desperate whimpers. "Sukuna move faster, please give it to me." Sukuna chuckled, pressing his lips to your neck saying "as you wish darling." He begins to pick up his pace, thrusting faster and harder into your soaking cunt. Feeling his thick cock slide through your every part inside you.
You were already close to breaking, letting out louder moans of his name as he leaned up on his hands looking down at you. "Scream my name, don't hold back. If you want to cum then cum hard." Your chest flutters and pussy tightens around him hearing those words but then he grabs your legs, lifting them higher to folds you. Sukuna was now above you pounding his cock into you at a new angle hitting that good spot inside you.
Sukuna could feel your gummy warm and wet wall clench around him making him groan a deep moan. Hearing this man lose himself to you put so much pride and lust through you. You latched around him digging your nails into his upper back feeling him about to lose himself thrusting hard and fast. The breathy pants and moans filled the room as the rain outside patterned on your window and the bed creaked with the rhythm of his thrusts.
You began to chant his name, feeling your knot build while sukuna gripped the blanket with your head hovering above you. You could see how much of a strain it was for him not to go full force and be rough with you. He opened his eyes to gaze at your face seeing your mouth hung slightly open, lustful eyes and flushed face. His chest began to throb with guilt and lust, the thoughts of his wife realizing that he was now in an affair. He should just stop and leave you for good but the reason he started this is because he was being cheated on. "Fuck."
He closed his eyes looking away as you whimpered. You can tell something was bugging him. His pace was getting out of rhythm so you reached out your hands to cup his face making him look at you. A smile formed on your swollen pink lips and said "sukuna fuck me. Hold me tight."
Sukuna groaned and started to rut his hips into you feeling how wet and tight your pussy became just for him. You pulled him down to you, feeling you about to snap. "Sukuna keeps going right there. Fuck don't stop."
It didn't take long til you squeezed around him and gushed your cream around his cock. "Sukuna! Fuck! Cum in me I want you to fill me up." He felt the way you twitched around him pussy pulsing against his cock he moved back and grabbed your hips tight. He started to pound into you slamming you against him by your hips. His eyes roamed over your face and saw your breasts bounce with each thrust. Sukuna groaned and closed his eyes with his head back letting out a deep moan as he released milky ropes of his cum and slowed down his pace to a halt.
Its been a while since he was able to cum inside of his wife and getting to do it with you made it all the better. You breathed heavily looking at anywhere else but him and after realizing what you told him to do.
Sukuna pulled out the feeling of you so tight it milked every last drop from him and saw the cream leaking from your hole. You felt it leak from you as you hid your face from him feeling the shame. You shouldn't have done this so soon but you loved it. Sukuna sat down on the edge of your bed looking at the floor and let out a sigh.
You sat up covering yourself with a blanket and looked at his back seeing the tattoos over his shoulder blades. "Was I that bad?" He looked to you quickly with a smirk and a chuckle saying "no darling you are amazing. Its just my head is getting clogged with useless thoughts. I am sorry for leading you into this." You smiled and crawled over to him pressing your chest to his back giving him a hug.
"Sukuna, why don't we lay down? It's really late and I am tired. You went pretty hard." You giggled as he let out a chuckle and turned to look, seeing your smile that made his stubborn heart swell. "You don't mind me staying here tonight?" He saw you give him a sweet smile watching you get up from the bed saying "get comfortable i am going to go into the bathroom real quick."
He watched you walk away still naked and disappeared into the bathroom. Sukuna took his chance to dig into his pants pocket pulling out his phone then crawled into your bed. He looked at the time and saw no messages from his wife as he let out a scoff then tossed the phone on your side table and laid his head back on your pillow. Part of him thinks he should just leave and go back home to deal with the problem with his wife but then looking at you emerge from the bathroom his face lit up.
Seeing the full view of your naked body makes him smirk and place his arms behind his head roaming his eyes over your body. You smiled getting to the bed and laid under the blanket looking at sukuna. He smirked, turning on his side, both of you looking at each other in silence. "You know you have a lot of books." You giggled and moved closer to him saying "guilty I love books and I want more. Do you like to cuddle?"
He saw how shy you were getting, causing a soft smile on his lips and wrapped a arm around you pulling against his body. "It's been a while since I had comfort with someone so come here and sleep." You nuzzled against his chest feeling safe in his arms and closed your eyes. Sukuna just stared at your face seeing you slowly fall asleep, how soft your cheeks are and you just looked peaceful. Sukuna wish he could be that calm. He just held you close placing a kiss to your forehead telling you a goodnight and fell asleep right after.
In the morning you opened your eyes and his your face into your pillow with a groan not wanting to get up. You moved around feeling the ache in your muscles then rolled into another body in the bed. You froze remembering what happened last night looking to see sukuna still asleep. Seeing his fluffy pink hair in a sleepy mess his face looked so relaxed and taking deep breaths. A smile formed on your face then softly ran a hand through his hair but the morning silence was interrupted by a phone ringing.
You quickly looked over at the noise seeing it was your phone that was going off but somehow it didn't disturb him. "Shut up phone." You sat up and took your phone off the table that laid next to his then saw it was your mother calling. Letting out a sigh you answered in a quiet tone. You looked back at sukuna and said "hey mom is everything alright?"
"Hey little one yes everything is fine I haven't checked on you in a while. Did you just wake up?" You pulled the phone away looking at the time seeing it was already eleven. "Yea I was pretty drained last night."
"Darling you had fun last night when you screamed my name telling me not to stop." You jumped slightly hearing sukuna then looked at him with a shocked expression saying "sukuna quiet I am on the phone with my mother."
Your mother heard you and said "who is sukuna? Where are you? Is that a man?" You put the phone back to your ear blushing and said "uhh yes that was a guy and I am at home." She laughed and said "is that your boyfriend? Did you find someone and is he nice?" You sighed rubbing your face saying "mom can I call you later. Please I got to go." As you hung up sukuna chuckled and sat up leaning his chest to your back then placed a kiss on your shoulder.
"So I am your boyfriend hmm." You smirked then pressed your lips to his cheek and said "that is if you want me as your girlfriend." He smirked and put his arms around your torso saying "well you took my cock in you. So I assume you belong to me now." You scoffed with a giggle and said "sukuna so vulgar. But I don't see your name on me." He gave you a seductive smirk then leaned his lips to your neck. "Well then that has to change. Why don't I give you a bite mark."
Sukuna opened his mouth and gave you a light bite, you could feel his teeth on your skin. That little motion he did ignite something in you, the chills that ran through you as you let out a breathy sigh. He let out a deep sexy chuckle and began to suck and lick that part of your neck. You moaned out and leaned back against him.
His arms snaked around you then trailed them up to your breast giving them a squeeze. You became so needy for him but you tried to squirm again from him. "Sukuna..not now. We just woke up." He hummed against your skin ignoring you still as he moved one hand down to between your legs grazing his fingers across your already soaked folds. You bit your lower lip but then let out a light moan and willingly opened your legs to him.
"That's a good girl." He is so vulgar and dominate it put your womb a flame. Sukuna sunk his fingers into you, curling them and slowly begin to pump while rubbing your clit with his thumb. More whimpers and light moans came from laying your head back giving him more access to you neck, feeling his lips suck on your neck but in a different spot. You wanted to tell him to stop but your body wants to keep going.
He leaned back a little and plunged his fingers deeper inside hearing your moans and squishing sounds of your witness against his hand. You moved a hand to grab his hand on your stomach intertwining your fingers through his and the other combing through the side of his hair. "Sukuna don't stop. Ahh I am so close." He pulled his lips away seeing the two reddish purple marks on your neck forming a proud smirk on his face. "Cum baby. Cream all over my fingers like a good girl yea."
He put you over the edge with just his words and voice, you snapped and yelled out his name releasing on his fingers. "That's my good girl." You felt him pull his finger you breathed hard then relaxed into his body and looked to him with a slight smile watching him lick his fingers clean. "I am going to shower you want to join me."
Sukuna gazed at his phone and sighed saying "I will let you take yours first. I have a little problem to get rid of." You moved away from him looking down to his groin seeing his harden shaft. A giggle escaped your lips and you quickly grabbed his cock with your hand. He sucked in a breath feeling you squeeze his shaft and pump your hand. "Just so you know I never done this before so give me a break if its not to your liking." He groaned and watched you with a smirk then saw you leaned down to put his tip in your mouth.
The feeling of your warm mouth and the swirl of your tongue around the mushroom head, he let out deep groans and gripped the blanket while bucking his hips slightly. You jerked the rest of him while trying to go down on him lower but your throat was not having it. When he bucked up a little too hard you gaged then pulled away coughing covering your mouth. He looked at you worried but then saw how embarrassed you were.
"Hey darling it alright. It was my fault I should have held back. Don't be embarrassed c'mere." He grabbed your arm and pulled you to him then smashed his lips to yours kissing you lovingly.
Sukuna decided he would take a shower with you, it was for him to not keep his hands off you. For the first time he was finally experiencing heart racing and normal dating, with a woman who actually cares for him. You both helped each other clean off, putting the strawberry scented soap in your hands then rubbed it against his chest. "Sorry for the girly soap but the scent will match your hair."
Sukuna laughed while washing the soap over you then placed a big kiss to your cheek and pulled you under the water with him to wash off. After the shower and getting dressed it was silent between the two of you and doubt began to set in your mind.
"So will I see you again or was this session just a one time thing." He looked at you and walked over cupping your face seeing the hurt in your eyes. "Why do you have that look? You think I am just going to drop you because i got sex." You shrugged and walked between his arms wrapping yours around his torso saying "I just want to finally have someone who loves me." Sukuna gulped realizing the situation he got himself into but he is ryomen sukuna he can do what he wants.
His wife is fucking someone behind his back why does he not do the same but he also doesn't want to hurt you. "Hey sweetheart I told you. You belong to me now. I got to go check in for work I will talk to you later. Don't be sad, cheer up doll face."
Sukuna squeezed your cheeks making you laugh telling him "alright I get it go on to work. Call me later. Be careful kuna." He looked at you raising a eyebrow repating "kuna?" "Yea kuna that is your nickname from me." Sukuna smirked and said "I like it. What about you book worm." You scoffed and said "no not that, give me a cute nickname. Think about on you way to work no go before you get in trouble."
He felt you push him slightly, telling him to go, making him chuckle as he walked to your front door. "Alright sweetheart I am going now, I will call you later." You waved bye to him then closed the door and got ready for the day.
During the drive sukuna had many thoughts running through his head making his mood back to his grumpy cold self. He should just go back home and patch things up with his wife for the company. But fuck them he wanted to do what he wants. It wasn't like his wife cared for him that much. Like she told him she was doing it for the money. Trying to sleep with men just to get them in his company.
He wouldn't mind if it worked both ways and he was allowed to sleep with other women. But she had already assumed he was sleeping around and went on ahead to do it herself. He doesn't feel too guilty about seeing you but deep down the thought hurts. Later that night sukuna did call you, both of you had talked for almost an hour on the phone. His wife never called, which upset him to know that she didn't worry if he was alright but you did, asking if he was alright and if he wanted to come back over. Sukuna wanted to but he had to stay away for the night to think about the upcoming in his life.
Ahh thank you so much for reading! likes and reblogs are much appreciated!
Sukuna just wants to have a real love life. He never knew he needed it till he got older now he has to hide his true self just to keep you in his arms. T-T
Pairing: Soulmate AU Muzan x Fem!Reader
Warning: Spoilers for Muzan's past
Prompt: Every so often you will get flashes of what your soulmate is seeing at the time, however your soulmate does not know when it happens.
Same. It was always the same.
Those baby blue clusters of hydrangeas paired with the white, wide-petaled gardenias that bloomed so beautifully around that vast yard during the spring and summer.
Those well-read pages of various medical books and constant views of the ceiling and intricately painted folding fans during the autumn and winter.
Always, they were viewed from the exact same spot: the futon set up in the middle of the room.
You would see those every year during every season without fail. At first, you didn’t understand.
Why?
Why was your soulmate always looking at the same things? Why was he always in bed, when he clearly yearned to walk under the sunlight that shone in the yard just beyond those open doors?
But slowly, as you grew and your knowledge of the world broadened, you began to understand. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to step out of his room. He just simply couldn’t.
The previous frustrations of having to see the same sights every time you were given the opportunity to view the world through your soulmate’s eyes now melted into sympathy.
You had gone to your father, asking him for advice on how to comfort an ill person. Yet, all he did was give you a gentle pat on the head, accompanied by a pitiful gaze. He knew whom you were asking about. He’d known about the sorrowful fate that awaited your soulmate ever since the first time you’d told your parents about what you saw from his eyes.
You then went to your mother, presenting the same question to her. And she, just like your father, looked at you with eyes full of nothing but pity.
“Oh, my dear.” She’d said as she hugged you tightly. You knew she was trying to comfort you, but you didn’t understand why. “My poor, poor daughter. To think that you may lose your soulmate before you even get a chance to meet him. Why must the gods be so cruel?”
You were puzzled by their behavior, but as far as your young self was concerned, if they weren’t going to answer your question, then you’d just try to figure it out yourself.
And that’s exactly what you did. After pondering over it throughout the week, you decided that if your soulmate couldn’t experience the many joys in life himself, then you would just help him experience it through your eyes.
Thus began your goal of gaining as many new and exciting experiences as possible. You began going out to explore the city and nearby forest, unlike your peers whom remained at home, learning the arts of poetry with hopes of entering the royal court in the future.
Your parents were well aware of your purpose behind your frequent outings, though perhaps out of pity for the pair of soulmates whom were fated to never meet, they did nothing to stop you. As a matter of fact, when you began requesting lessons on horseback riding, archery, and even swordsmanship, they obliged. Money was of no importance, as your family belonged to aristocracy. They turned a deaf ear to the rumors that began circulating about how they were trying to raise you as a son instead of a daughter. In their eyes, you would stop pursing these activities meant for men once your soulmate died, and they were quite certain his illness would claim his life at any moment now.
However, their predictions fell short when you reached fifteen years old and your soulmate persisted in his battle to live. Of course, you still studied the subjects that noble women were expected to learn, such as music, literature, calligraphy, as well as the art of dressing beautifully. At the same time, you continued to enrich yourself by continuing to pursue male-dominated pastimes and constantly sought out new experiences.
You were always busy, as you never knew when your soulmate may be viewing your life through your eyes, and you wanted him to be able to experience something fun whenever he did. Since you got to take a glimpse into his life at least once every month, you could only assume that it was the same for him.
At one point, one of your many tutors decided to make an offhanded remark on how your actions may only end up causing more harm than good for your soulmate. Perhaps he would not appreciate you learning all these things in his place, and instead, would be envious of how you were able to do the things that he was unable to. Maybe your tutor was right. As you had been young when you started all this, it never occurred to you that your actions could have come off as extremely insensitive. You ceased most of your activities after that and mainly focused on poetry, not wanting to cause any further distress to him.
But as it would turn out, you ended up being in for a surprise after that. When you found yourself viewing the world through your soulmate’s eyes, you had expected to see the same things that you always had. It was winter, so you'd predicted that he’d either be sitting up and reading a book, or simply laying in bed and staring at the ceiling.
Both guesses turned out to be wrong. Now seeing through his gaze, you watched as snow that slowly drifted down outside through a small gap between the sliding doors. You panicked, immediately worrying for his health. What was he thinking? What if he caught another cold?? The last time you ‘saw’ him suffering through one, he had been coughing practically none stop and a concerning amount of doctors had crowded around his bed – clearly, he too, came from nobility.
After a few seconds, he turned his gaze away from the door as he began coughing. Ah, see! You knew it! But no matter how worried you might have been, all you could do was watch in helpless frustration. When he raised a hand to cover his mouth, you could see how pale and frail it looked. As his small coughing fit began to subside, he lifted his head and that was when you noticed a scroll hanging on the wall across from him.
Why did you stop?
The odd question had been written in such neat and elegant strokes that you ended up taking a moment to admire it before finally wondering why it was even there. Was this some new trend going around that you weren’t aware of? Or… Could this possibly be a direct question meant for you?
Long after your short glimpse into his day had ended, the question on the scroll weighed on your mind. Perhaps you were over thinking things, but you decided to write a reply on a scroll of your own.
I thought that maybe doing all those things would bother you.
Hanging it at a very obvious spot in your room, you made it a habit to look at it as often as possible, hoping that your soulmate would at least be able to see it at least once.
The next time you found yourself looking through his eyes, the scroll on his wall had changed.
I actually rather enjoy it. Although, is it not too late for you to be asking, considering how you started doing all these things years ago?
A sheepish smile found its way onto your lips when you had read that. Even if your tutor had overstepped their boundaries, you had to thank them for bringing the potential issues in your actions to your attention. Even though your soulmate was fine with it, what if he hadn’t been? It was always better to ask, no matter how late it may be, rather than remain ignorant forever.
It certainly delighted you to hear that all your efforts of attempting to help him experience the many joys in life – even if they had only been a brief taste of the actual thing – had paid off. But what delighted you even more was the fact that the two of you had discovered a way to converse with each other. Albeit, neither of you could write very much on one scroll and it always took about a month to see each other’s response. And since you began to resume your adventurous activities, which meant you had less time to spend in your room, you started writing on slips of paper instead of scrolls, and would take them with you to read on the go.
Of course, on more than one occasion, one of you would end up missing the other’s reply and would have to wait another month to view it. It was extremely inconvenient, especially since the only way one of you could get a chance to read the message was if the other happened to be reading it at that exact same moment. But it was the best the two of you could do and it did work, to some degree at least. Over the course of your correspondence, you were able to learn quite a bit about him, and he about you.
You’d been shocked when he first told you his name, Muzan – meaning miserable, pitiful, or merciless. How could his parents have given him such a cruel name? It was like condemning him to a bleak future, where nothing but death by illness awaited him. Could they not have at least held some hope by bestowing him with a name that signified longevity or good health? You absolutely refused to call him that and instead wrote his name with the kanji 六参* – literally meaning six and three. Though the pronunciation was slightly off, it was much better than always calling him miserable or pitiful. He didn’t seem to mind either, even joking that he’d now live to sixty-three with his 'new' name.
Eager to meet him in person, you had asked him for the address to his residence. Naturally, since the two of you were soulmates, you were under the assumption that he also wished to meet with you in person. So imagine your surprise when Muzan refused. Even after you had asked him for the reason several times, he never elaborated and remained tightlipped. Perhaps he didn’t want for you to see him while he was ill? Left to wonder and guess, you stopped pestering him about it, instead sharing the address to your family’s household.
Only a week after you did so, a servant of the Kibutsuji family appeared on your family’s doorsteps, bearing a letter from Muzan. The relief you felt at finally being able to communicate with your soulmate in a much easier way was tremendous, to say the least. No longer did you have to read your own messages over and over, hoping that Muzan would see it too. You immediately began to pen a letter back, giving it to the servant when they returned a couple days later.
Even if you didn’t get to see him person, at least you could exchange letters now. It always made your day whenever you received a letter from him and you’d always stay up on those nights, busy writing back a reply. Often, Muzan would talk about his joy in being able to experience the world through your eyes and how much he appreciated everything you were doing for him. Though he rarely mentioned his illness, sometimes when he happened to be feeling extremely vulnerable and down, he would open up to you about it and how he greatly feared his impending death.
As the time passed and the two of you continued to converse fervently with each other, your feelings towards Muzan gradually began to shift from simple pity and concern, to constantly wishing to learn more about him and grow closer, to eventually developing into the flowering buds of love. You would subtly express your blossoming love through poems to him, and much to your elation, he would reciprocate your feelings through poems of his own.
During your eighteenth summer, you received a letter detailing how a doctor had begun treating Muzan with a new type of medicine and that there were high expectations for it. As it seemed his illness had been worsening in the recent two years, you were thrilled by the news and quickly wrote back. However, that ended up being the very last time you heard from him. No matter how long you patiently waited, you never received another letter from him. Your only source of comfort was your most recent view through his eyes, where he had been standing in his estate’s yard, gazing up at the moon. You couldn’t believe it at first. Muzan, whom had been bedridden for so long, standing outside and seemingly perfectly fine? Whatever medicine he had taken, it must have been a miracle cure, allowing him to move about in such a healthy way in a short period of time.
Now, you could only continue to wait and pray that you heard word from him again.
---
Your lungs burned with each breath you took, and even the action of doing so took great effort. Flames licked at the walls around you, smoke filling the air and muddling your mind. Collapsed in the hallway directly outside of your parents’ bedroom, you could see them through the broken down door. They laid motionless on the floor, their throats both slit. Though your eyes felt dry from the heat that surrounded you, tears still welled in them.
To think that just earlier during that night, the three of you had been happily chatting away over a harmonious meal. And now, the entire mansion was up in flames and you were close to joining your parents on the other side.
If only it hadn’t been for that damn government post your father recently obtained. He’d been well aware of the jealousy he’d receive along with the job, but he had underestimated the extent of how much jealousy could influence a person’s actions. A man from the Tachibana clan* had been vying for that very post, desperate to claw back up the ranks and help restore his clan’s former power. He’d been more than displeased when your father ended up taking it, and in an attempt to empty the position for himself, had sent assassins to your family’s home.
Though your father valiantly fought back, he ended up being outskilled and outnumbered. You did your best to fight back as well, your swordsmanship lessons finally being put into use for once. You most likely would have met the same fate as your parents, had it not been for the assassins fleeing due to the spreading fire, which they themselves had set.
While they may had left you with your life, they did not leave you unscathed. You could feel it, the amount of blood you were losing from the deep gash in your side. Now, it was only a matter of time before you either succumbed to smoke inhalation or blood loss. Neither sounded like a pleasant way to die, but you had long been sapped of the energy required to flee.
As you lay there, watching as the foundation of the house begin to slowly fail and collapse in on itself, you thought back on the life you had lived up to this point. It had been filled with so much fun and excitement, and you had Muzan to thank for that. Had you not decided to experience the world for him, you would have ended up like most noble women, staying hidden from the gaze of others and focusing solely on poetry, music, and fashion.
How ironic it was. Muzan, a man whom everyone had expected to die long ago, was now healthy and able to live the life he’d always wanted. And here you were, about to die after living a short but fulfilling life. Perhaps one thing you truly regretted was being unable to meet your soulmate at least once.
You could feel your consciousness slipping now, your eyelids unable to remain open anymore. You waited, hoping that death would come soon and release you from all this pain.
Suddenly, something cold touched your cheek and it provided the tiniest amount of relief from the smoldering heat around you. Forcing your eyes back open, you were met with the sight of a man kneeling in front of you.
Though he was incredibly pale – unnaturally so – he was absolutely stunning, like a work of art. He exuded an air of elegance and cruelty. His long curly hair had been let down and perfectly framed his face, making his eyes look appear like shining rubies against the curtain of a dark and starless night. He was donned in the luxurious garb of nobility, which oddly enough, remained unaffected by the fire around him.
You knew. The moment you laid eyes on him, you knew. This man in front of you was none other than your soulmate. Even though you had gone all these years without knowing what he looked like, something in you told you that this was, without a doubt, him.
Why was he here though? Were you hallucinating? Was he nothing more than something your mind had conjured in an attempt to comfort yourself during your last moments? Well, whatever it was, you certainly felt comforted. Seeing him distracted you from the pain that assaulted your body.
His eyebrows, which had been knitted together in worry, relaxed when he noticed you looking at him.
“You’re still alive. I worried that I may have been too late.”
Oh god, his voice was as beautiful as his appearance. Maybe this was God’s final mercy to you, allowing you to have such an ethereal being by your side before you died.
“Muzan…” Though it’s excruciating, you force yourself to speak. " I’ve been…waiting…"
While his eyes held a frigid coldness deep within, they softened at your words. He caressed your cheek and the gentleness of his touch nearly made you melt. “I apologize, my love. I know I’m late and I have every intention of making it up to you.”
How? You wanted to ask him that, but your vision began to cloud and your body refused to listen to you. He noticed and ever so carefully moved you into his lap, cradling you in his arms. “I’m afraid this is going to hurt, but I promise you, it will be over very quickly.” He whispers, resting his forehead against yours.
The next thing you know, his lips are pressed against yours. Though they're as cold as his hand, they filled you with a soothing warmth. As your eyes closed for the final time and you fell into the darkness that awaits you, you felt the vague sensation of something warm and coppery slide past your lips and flow down your throat.
“After this, we’ll have eternity to spend together.”
—————————————————————————————
*六参: Literally translates to 六 (six, pronounced 'mu' in this case) and 参 (three, pronounced 'san').
*The Tachibana clan was one of the four powerful families that existed during the Heian era. After a conflict with a particular court noble between the years 939-941, the Tachibana clan lost most of their power.
Warnings: work relationships situationships, mentions of anxiety, overthinking, mentions of alcohol, falling too quickly, lack of communication, “it’s not cheating if we’re not together”, breakup?, pls don’t make me spoil the end…
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou knew, from the second he first laid eyes on you. He knew that he loved you. That he could spend forever loving you. And that was terrifying.
My entry for @taintedsorrcw ‘s Somnum Exterri collab - Find the Masterlist Here!
18+ Only below the cut, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, I’m begging you, please. If your blog is ageless or under 18 do not interact with this.
“we who bear the burden of the crown do not need to love. you only need to stay here, with me, in power, in greed, in lust – in victory.”
IMPORTANT NOTE: the series has been rewritten and the new version is the one posted on december 2021. you may ask to be removed from the pervious taglist if the new plot is not your thing, just send me a dm/ask.
content / warnings. explicit smut, minors dni. fem! reader. fluff. modern royal au. drama. lovers to enemies. toxic characters. toxic relationships. angst. gaslighting. emotional manipulation. infidelity. not really centred on politics but there are some themes.
status. ongoing ; spontaneous updates
pairings. suna x reader (main pairing) kiyoomi x reader. (slight) oikawa x reader.
taglist. closed + ageless blogs interacting will be ignored / blocked.
one [ you are in love. ]
two [ tears of gold. ]
three [ gorgeous. ]
four [ déjà vu. ]
five [ how do you sleep. ]
six [ no peace ]
seven [ someday ]
eight + nine + ten + eleven + twelve + thirteen + fourteen + fifteen
thoughts on having threesome with suna and osamu, ( ONLY BC THIS MAKES ME SALIVATE WAY TOO MUCH )
best regards,
🌺 anon
babe i need you to know when you first sent me this ask it hit me like a SUCKER PUNCH!! this is close to what you asked about but it got away from me a bit lmao.
18+ MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT
osamu would have to be blind not to see the way that suna looks at you, considering how shameless he is about it.
it's been going on for as long as the two of you have been together, lingering gazes when you're close to him, his eyes following the sway of your body as you leave a room, peeking (less than subtly) down your top when the cut is low and you're reaching for something.
and osamu ignores it, for the most part. suna's always been a bit of a weirdo, but he's harmless. he's his friend. and osamu certainly can't blame him for the way he looks at you, considering if the situations were reversed he'd almost surely do the same.
but he’d have to be deaf to miss it when he asks:
“if you ever died, would you let me fuck your girlfriend?”
osamu’s had a lifetime of dealing with atsumu to prepare himself for hearing some of the most heinous, shocking garbage imaginable come out of another human being’s mouth. but he’s still not quite prepared for this.
“what the fuck kinda question is that?” osamu asks, but for some reason it’s not as angry as it could be, just bewildered.
suna shrugs, taking a sip of the beer he’s nursing at the onigiri miya counter.
“wouldn’t you want her to be well taken care of in the event of your untimely passing?”
“by you?” osamu asks, setting aside the rag he’d been using to wipe the countertop to stare his best friend down.
the restaurant is closed, the staff is gone, the music that usually plays overhead has been turned off.
suna leans back in his seat under osamu’s gaze, seemingly not ill-at-ease in the slightest in spite of the tightening in the baseball-capped man’s jaw. he quirks a brow.
“would you prefer atsumu?”
“i’d prefer neither of you scrubs ever put a hand anywhere near her,” osamu counters the preposterous suggestion. but then he pauses, and against his better judgement he considers it.
he doesn’t mean to, really, it’s entirely an instinctive reaction. he pictures his twin sleeping beside you at night in your bed at home—under the blankets that osamu helped pick out, that osamu helps you put out on the clothesline on sunny days, that osamu clenches into tight fists as he fucks you down into the mattress—and it makes his stomach turn.
his mind flickers next to suna. his best friend for more years than anyone has any business associating with someone so troublesome. he pictures you and suna in your bed, suna nestled in between your thighs on those same blankets in just the way you like, your knees looped over his broad, toned shoulders as he devours your sweet, sticky—
“you were totally just picturing it, weren’t you?”
god, osamu wants to throttle him.
“shut the fuck up.” he tosses his dirty rag at him instead.
suna laughs as he bats the cloth away. and then it’s quiet again.
osamu looks at rintarou's hands. his long, lithe fingers and the way they wrap around his can of beer.
he pictures them wrapped around your throat.
the hum of the refrigeration system, the faint sizzling of carbonation in suna's drink, and osamu's suddenly spiking pulse are the only sounds to be heard.
“i mean,” osamu sighs, his voice a little quiet, a little breathless, “better you than him i guess.”
suna blinks, a little shocked osamu gave him a straight answer.
“really?” he asks, his excitement not veiled in the slightest.
“if you keep askin’ about this i’ll put a clause in my will that bans you from ever comin’ within 10 metres of her.”
“alright, alright,” suna says, lifting his hands in concession, letting the matter rest.
there’s another one of those moments of quiet that osamu doesn’t quite like, because it gives him time to think. gives him free reign to picture you bouncing up and down on his best friend’s lap while you’re swallowing his own length down your throat.
that wasn’t even the question. he’s supposed to be dead in this hypothetical scenario—and he kind of wishes he were when he thinks about your sweet, tearstained face, begging him to let you cum on his best friend’s cock. when he picture’s rintarou’s fucked out expression when he desperately echoes your plea.
samu squeezes his eyes shut, ignoring the palpable twitch his cock gives under his apron.
“you feeling alright?” suna asks, seeming genuinely a little concerned.
“yeah, m’fine,” osamu replies dismissively, running his hand over his face in an attempt to hide the blush he can feel creeping into his cheeks.
suna shrugs, reaching for his nearly empty beer once more.
“seriously though, if you think you’re dying let me know. i’ll need time to prepare.”
four drink rule - suna rintarou/f!reader (1.6k)
sfwish, a bit silly, alcohol mention, enemies to something, samu dying a hero's death
atsumu slumps down into the banquette seating lining the wall of the club, exhausted.
there's a mysterious stain on the upholstery next to his thigh; the music is so loud it's rattling his teeth; and it's so hot in the crowded, rowdy space that the thin material of his dress shirt is sticking to him, even with the three top buttons undone.
this was supposed to be a night out with old friends.
this was supposed to be fun.
but now he just wants to go home.
"how many's she on?" his twin appears before atsumu, a drink in each hand. osamu mercifully hands the full one over to him.
atsumu accepts the drink gratefully, not a damn clue what it is, and takes a healthy swig. it burns a little on the way down, and does little to parch his actual thirst, but it's better than nothing. he swallows, panting lightly as he drags the back of his hand over his slick mouth.
"three—"
osamu nods, turning his head to scan the crowd of bodies.
"—what about suna?"
osamu takes a sip of his own drink, a less gluttonous one than his brother had. he turns back to his brother and gives him a pointed look as his adam's apple bobs.
he sighs, and the sound seems to come from deep within him. "three."
"who's watchin' him now?" atsumu asks.
"aran-kun."
atsumu's brow arches at his brother's response. "aran's supposed to be watchin' her."
they share a look. the beat in the song playing over the sound system drops. they're moving towards the thick of the crowd before they know it.
they find aran relatively quickly, near the bar where osamu had left him with suna, but he is horrifyingly alone.
"where is he?"
"where is she?”
the twins speak at the same time, tones equally accusatorial.
aran rolls his eyes lightly, shaking his head. "relax, they got into one of their spats and she stormed off a while ago, and he said he was gonna go see if he could steal a cig off someone outside while i got another drink."
both of the twins nod, slightly relieved.
osamu’s eyes sweep the surrounding area for a moment.
"aran-kun... where's your drink?"
aran looks over at the bar where he must have left his glass, but finds nothing there but a ring of condensation where his drink once sat.
he looks back to the twins to meet two identically wide pairs of eyes.
"god damn it.”
atsumu runs his hands through his peroxide blonde hair, gripping the strands roughly in frustration. “aran! the Four Drink Rule is in place fer a reason! it’s sacred!”
"yeah, yeah I know," aran sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezes his eyes closed.
atsumu stomps his foot—actually stomps it, like an overgrown child—and laments ”this never woulda happened if kita-san were here!"
“kita-san’d never be caught dead in a club, but at least they behave themselves when he’s around," his twin reminds him, more composed than his genetic counterpart. the more level-headed of the two evaluates his options momentarily. “tsumu, you go check outside and see if you can find that dickhead. i’ll look for her. aran why dontcha take a lap and see if you can find ‘em in any… dark corners.”
aran’s nose crinkles in disgust.
“why do i get the worst job?” he gripes.
“yer the one that lost track of ‘em,” osamu says sternly, and aran can’t refute his logic even if he hates it.
they part ways, and osamu approaches the bar—waiting for the bartender to turn her attention towards him as his fingertips tap the sticky surface of the bartop impatiently.
finally the woman approaches.
“sorry to ask ya this,” osamu sighs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “did a girl come through here recently? real feisty, probably ordered a lemon sour with no ice, about—“
he intimates your approximate height to the bartender.
“—yea high?”
the bartender actually laughs a little bit at how defeated osamu seems, nodding her head.
"yeah, I served her a lemon sour with no ice a couple minutes ago. maybe 10? only remember her because she told me i wasn't allowed to tell some big guy with bleached hair. she made me pinky promise and everything.”
osamu knocks his fist between his eyes. yeah, that was definitely you.
“everything okay?” the bartender asks warily, watching osamu cycle through all five stages of grief in the expressions on his face.
“oh yeah, we’re fine. thanks fer yer help though, miss, and ‘m sorry about the trouble.”
atsumu, aran, and osamu all meet up again where they’d left each other—a few minutes older and substantially more grim.
“couldn’t find ‘em.”
“he wasn’t outside.”
“she got a fourth drink.”
they all relay their findings one after the other, the bad news compounding.
osamu looks at atsumu. atsumu looks at aran. aran looks at osamu. then the order repeats itself in reverse.
“i’m not doin’ it,” atsumu is the first to speak up, staunch and adamant. “i’m tired of baby sittin’ those two brats every time we go out. if they wanna down four drinks and end up suckin' each other’s faces off and bumpin' uglies in a nasty ol’ bathroom that’s their problem!”
“but we’re the ones that have to deal with the fallout, ‘tsumu!” his brother argues. “suna’s gonna complain about her not replying to the stupid memes he sends like a lovesick idiot for the next two weeks, minimum. and she’s gonna blame us for not stopping her!”
“i agree with atsumu, we’ve been doing this for years. if they can’t admit they like each other that’s between them and god.” aran shrugs, equally exasperated with the foolishness. he’s been dealing with this for too damn long.
osamu tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling, watching the way the club lights flicker across the black tiles overhead.
“if you guys help me figure out where they are, i’ll be the one to break ‘em apart.”
“deal.”
“fine.”
it doesn’t take them long really, once ginjima informs the three of them that he spotted you and suna slipping into an out of order washroom near coat check not fifteen minutes prior. suna’s hand had been, according to akagi’s chipper contribution, so far up your shirt it looked like ‘that scene in alien when the alien pops clear outta their chests!’
osamu stares at the out of order sign on the bathroom door for longer than he cares to admit; mustering his resolve, saying a prayer, lamenting the day of his own birth, etc.
he casts a look down to the other end of the dimly lit hall (predominantly used by staff) to where atsumu, aran, and a few other of their friends are watching him like spectators standing on the dock to send ill fated soldiers off to war. atsumu waves him on encouragingly.
osamu sighs.
he pushes the door open.
“haa, please, rintar-MMPH!”
osamu fights back a gag as the door swings closed and the bathroom falls deathly silent.
he hears the drip of water from a leaking tap, the distant thrum of bass from the music outside.
“you two are gross, y’know that?”
osamu can see suna’s shoes under the door of the bathroom stall nearest to him. your shoes slowly appear on the ground just in front of suna’s, dropping down into view from above.
“i’m not leavin’ without the two of ya, so put yer junk away and get the hell out here,” osamu demands, crossing his arms over his chest.
“my junk’s not even out yet,” suna mutters sullenly from behind the door, and he hears a smack a moment later.
there’s a bit of shuffling that osamu doesn’t want to picture and the stall lock clicks open.
well, at least you two had the decency to lock one door.
the stall door opens a crack, only to slam closed again a moment later.
“hey!” osamu hears you complain.
“you know we don’t actually have to go out there, right? he’s not our boss.”
“get your grubby hands off of me,” you hiss, and there’s another audible scuffle. finally the door to the stall is wrenched open, and you step out.
your hair is a mess. your skirt is creased. your makeup is running. osamu doesn’t dwell too long on the way you’re walking like you’re weak-kneed in the interest of preserving his own sanity.
“god i can’t stand you,” you hiss over your shoulder towards the stall where suna is also emerging, looking equally dishevelled—though notably more smug than you do.
“i’ve got a seat i can offer if you’re looking for one,” suna says, a smirk tugging the corner of his swollen, rosy lips up. there's lipstick streaking across his mouth, jaw, and neck.
“i’m never doing this again,” you say adamantly, grabbing your purse off of the bathroom counter beside osamu, where you’d evidently hastily cast it aside, avoiding his judgemental gaze as you do so.
osamu wants to echo your statement.
you tug the strap of your bag up over your arm and stomp towards the door of the bathroom with your lipstick still smeared down your chin. osamu turns to look at his friend, his expression flat and unimpressed, but suna’s preoccupied watching you go, eyes glued to the doorway until the door swings shut behind you—the ignored OUT OF ORDER sign fluttering sadly.
it’s quiet again once you’re gone, and suna turns to look at osamu with a dopey, self-satisfied smile. he sighs happily.
WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE | HAITANI BROTHERS
haitani ran x fem!reader x haitani rindou
summary: being part of a stepfamily was difficult, but not for the reasons you had initially thought. the issues rose not in your stepmother, but in your new brothers instead.
warnings: fem!reader, dom!ran, mean!ran, dom!rindou, sub!reader, inexperienced!reader, stepcest, face fucking, ran’s a bit creepy at first ngl, corruption/kind of predator vs prey, kind of manipulative!ran, accidental noncon voyeurism, mentioned/taken prescribed sleeping pills, age gap (21/22 -> 30/31), humiliation, degradation, edging/orgasm denial, fingering, ran has an absolutely filthy mouth, pet names (doll, good girl, princess but only mockingly), dumbification, ran calls rindou a “sister-fucker” mockingly also brings up the fact that they’re siblings several times to taunt reader and rindou
wordcount: ... 16k don't let it flop :') pls
Notes: for tee’s stepcest collab and eris and abby's corruption collab @hanmas @kxeyas @munsonsins
“Mom got a new husband,” Ran announced as he walked into the vast lounge on the top floor of Bonten’s headquarters, stuffing his phone into the back pocket of his slacks and circling his glass, watching as the amber liquid sloshed to the top before settling back down. His feet dragged against the wood as he made his way toward where Rindou was reclined back on one of the dark couches, one arm thrown over the back as he tilted his head toward Ran, clicking his tongue sharply.
“Again?” Rindou asked, lips turned down and brows furrowed, just as displeased as Ran expected he would be. Rindou rolled his eyes when Ran nodded, downing the rest of his glass of whiskey before leaning forward and pouring himself another. “This is her third this year. You’d think she’d get sick of having to find a new wedding dress every couple months.”
Ran snorted, leaning against the wall next to the couch, taking a sip of his own drink, “I think that’s her favorite part,” he noted, sparing one last glance toward his younger brother as he laid back against the couch again, feet propped on the ebony table in front of the couch as he scrolled through his phone, lighting up another joint, unbothered by the news.
Ran drew his gaze from his brother toward the floor-to-ceiling windows looking over Roppongi. The sun was setting already, the building casting an eerie shadow over the streets, the cars were beginning to thin out on the busy roads as people returned to their homes after work for dinner. His thoughts ran amok as he considered his mother’s words, trying to figure out the best way of conveying them to Rindou before he finally decided to just come out with it.
“Mom wants us to meet him,” Ran said simply, ignoring how Rindou choked over the smoke he had inhaled, head snapping to the side to look at Ran. Ran only stared ahead, eyes following a plane headed west from the city.
“Meet him?” Rindou demanded, tone laced with disbelief, “She’s never made us meet any of them before. She’s run through like twelve different guys and never asked us to come meet them.”
Ran shrugged, head dropping to the side to meet Rindou’s wide-eyed gaze, “She says she really likes him, thinks we’ll get along.”
Rindou snorted loudly, “I doubt that,” he said but Ran could see from the way that Rindou’s jaw was tight and his nostrils were flared that he was unhappy with the sudden turn of events and Ran couldn’t say he blamed him. They did not have good experiences with the men that their mother brought into their lives--from their biological father right up until the last man that their mother had forced them to meet when they were in their early twenties.
Rindou let out a frustrated noise, inhaling another puff of smoke before tilting his head back and exhaling, letting his eyes slide shut, “When’s she want us to meet him?”
Ran bit down on his tongue for a moment, letting out a soft breath. “Now,” he said. Rindou’s eyes shot back open.
“You’re fuckin’ with me,” Rindou said unhappily but Ran only gave him a wry smile.
“I wish,” he said dryly, “She was insistent about it too. Says we haven’t even come to visit her in two months, the least we could do is come now.”
Rindou rolled his eyes so hard that Ran swore it must have hurt, “How mad will she be if we don’t show?” he muttered.
“On a scale of Fiji to Oslo?” Ran asked, tilting his head to rest against the wall. He noticed Rindou nod from the corner of his eye, “Definitely leaning Oslo. She already sounded pissed.”
“Fuckin’ bullshit,” Rindou put his glass back down onto the table, rising to his feet, looking back at Ran, “You’re driving.”
“And you’re changing,” Ran muttered, eyeing the bloodstained white button-up Rindou was wearing, “Go change out of that. I’ll go start up the car.”
---
There was a car in the driveway, your fingers twitched at your sides as you stood from your vanity, trying to get a better look out the window. You couldn’t tell who had shown up at the house--whoever it was must have come into the house while you were still getting dressed and drying your hair after your shower.
You took in a shaky breath, eyes darting down to your phone. There were no new messages from your father or your new step-mother telling you who had stopped by and you bit your bottom lip, glancing at the glass of water sat atop your nightstand.
You had to go to the kitchen to get your sleeping pills, your father didn’t let you keep them in your room--they were in the kitchen cabinet, past the sitting room, and if there really were guests over, you had no doubt that that’s exactly where they’d all be.
Anxiety ate at your stomach, your gaze flicked to the clock. It was getting late already and you had to be up for classes the next morning. You wouldn’t be able to sleep through the night if you didn’t take your pills, and if you took your pills any later, you’d sleep through your alarms.
You briefly shut your eyes, letting out a long exhale as you made your decision.
Fuck.
You grimaced as you stepped into your slippers, tugging down your silk shorts as you left your bedroom, arms wrapped around your torso. The halls were long and decorated with old, expensive paintings and antiques, the lights above were dim and flickering as a storm rattled the windows.
Mrs. Haitani was old money—your father was wealthy, yes, but the more you hung around with your new step-mother, the more you realized how vastly different her lifestyle was compared to the one you were used to. From spending habits right down to the way she talked and dressed, sometimes you genuinely believed Mrs. Haitani was from another world altogether despite technically being in similar class brackets.
And she was nice, you supposed, if not a bit pretentious. She doted on you like she would her own daughter, bringing you out to brunches, out shopping, gossiping with you over boys at your university.
She had always wanted a daughter, she would tell you but her first husband passed away before they could try again, and by the time she finally started dating around again, she was too old to have any more kids no matter how hard she tried.
She was older than your father—by a good twenty years, even if she didn’t look it—when he had first told you about her, you had been unhappy because it felt like he was trying to replace your mother. But you supposed that of all the women that your father could have remarried, Mrs. Haitani certainly wasn’t the worst pick.
You turned down another hallway. In the distance, you could hear voices talking—your father, Mrs. Haitani, and two unfamiliar male voices. You let out a shaky exhale, arms tightening around your torso.
In and out, walk through the room to the kitchen, get your pills, and leave.
You stepped into the large sitting room and immediately four gazes were on you. You felt sick, you had never been good with people, especially new people.
Mrs. Haitani smiled bright when she saw you, leaning against your father, curled up at his side. She called your name happily, “C’mere,” she said, “I want you to meet my sons.”
Your mouth was dry as your gaze flickered over to the two men sitting in one of the sofas—sharp lavender eyes, dark button-ups and slacks, sleeves rolled up above the forearms revealing matching tattoos on opposite sides.
The one with longer hair looked distinctly unimpressed, lounged back into the red cushions as he took one short look at you before returning to conversation with your father. The shorter-haired one, on the other hand, leaned forward, a sort of interest sparking in his eyes that had your hair on end.
“Haitani Ran,” he greeted smoothly, a warm smile tugging at his lips that would have lulled you into a sense of security had you not caught the calculating look in his eyes a second prior. He held his hand out to you and you hesitated before placing your hand in his, the cool metal of his rings sending a shiver down your spine. You prayed he didn’t notice how your fingers were trembling. From the way his smile widened and his grip on your hand tightened firmly, you knew your prayers went unanswered.
You swallowed thickly as you introduced yourself, pulling your hand away and letting it drop back at your side. Ran’s eyes glittered in amusement, teeth gleaming under the light of the room as he glanced at the longer-haired man, “Rindou, don’t be rude.”
Rindou rolled his eyes, tilting his head up and back to look at you again. You caught sight of the tattoo decorating his throat, a simple hanafuda design, “Rindou,” he introduced, eyeing you briefly from the corner of his eye as he turned back to your father.
Ran clicked his tongue in annoyance, eyes flashing cold for just a moment as looked down at Rindou before returning his attention to you. Your head tilted to the side in curiosity when you noticed that Ran had a matching tattoo on his throat.
“Why don’t you sit with us for a bit?” your father said, motioning to the armchair next to where he and Mrs. Haitani were sitting. “You guys should get to know each other, you’re family now, you know?”
The words didn’t not sit right with you. An uncomfortable feeling spreading throughout your chest at your father’s words, glancing back at Rindou and Ran once before shaking your head.
“No, dad,” you said quietly, “I only came down to get my pills. I have class in the morning.”
Your father opened his mouth to protest but before he could say anything, you turned your attention back toward Haitani Ran and Haitani Rindou. Rindou met your eyes for half a second before looking down at his phone while Ran kept his eyes on you. You shifted uncomfortably beneath his sharp gaze, “Nice meeting you,” you said half-heartedly, not entirely meaning it.
Rindou didn’t respond, Ran’s lips ticked up into a small, sly smile--one that you liked even less than the warm, artificial one. “Nice to meet you too,” he murmured.
You forced your gaze off him, a strange and unwelcome feeling stirring in you before you bid goodnight to your father and Mrs. Haitani, disappearing down into the kitchen, intent on grabbing your pills, returning to your room and going to sleep. You had a big day of presentations for your government class tomorrow, and the last thing you needed was for this to rattle you after you had been prepping all day.
It wasn’t like they’d be around often anyway, this was the first time you’d heard of them except for the pictures Mrs. Haitani had set up around the house from when they were younger. You were sure that they’d disappear again after tonight, so it was best to just push them from your mind.
Right?
---
“You’re a fuckin’ creep, y’know that?”
Ran raised his eyebrows, not even bothering to turn toward Rindou as he heard his brother approach from behind, eyes trained on you instead, watching as you shifted beneath your sheets, dead to the world.
“How you gonna explain this if she wakes up, hm?” Rindou continued, and Ran only rolled his eyes.
He turned his head over his shoulder from where he was leaning against the doorframe of your room, shooting his brother an annoyed, lazy look. With two fingers, he lifted the bottle of pills he had found in the kitchen cabinet prescribed to your name before flicking it over to Rindou. Rindou caught it easily, frowning as he read the prescription before scoffing, tossing it right back to Ran.
“She won’t be up for a while,” Ran grinned at Rindou before turning his attention back toward you, eyes lidded as he considered your sleeping form.
“I don’t get it,” Rindou shook his head, standing half-behind Ran as he eyed you for a moment before turning his attention back to Ran, waiting for him to explain. Ran ignored him. “Hello?” Rindou demanded, “I’m talking to you.”
“Yes, I know,” Ran said dryly, “I am ignoring you.”
Rindou gaped, face twisting in annoyance but Ran tuned him out as he spit a volley of irritated curses at Ran. Though Ran supposed he wasn’t ignoring him to be annoying, he didn’t really know the answer to his implied question. He wasn’t sure what it was about you that was drawing him in.
And it wasn’t like this happened often with Ran. If anything, it was always the opposite. Women were drawn to him and he took advantage of it--whether it was for trying to subtly gather information for Bonten or just for an easy fuck, Ran was never the one that was captivated by someone but…
He let out a breath, tilting his head to the side as he watched you shift in bed again, soft puffs of air escaping your lips, covers half-thrown off, strewn across the bed haphazardly. He could see your chest rising and falling with every breath in and out, the way your button-up pajamas had come half-undone in your sleep.
Sister, you were technically their sister now, weren’t you? he considered, unable to draw his eyes from you. Maybe that was why he couldn’t seem to get his mind off of you. Throughout all of their mother’s marriages, they never had a step-sibling before. It had always just been him and Rindou.
But even as the thought crossed through his mind, he knew it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t just interest because of the fact your father had married his mother. It was something else--but what?
Maybe it was your innocence? he thought as his eyes searched your sleeping form for an answer. His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, eyes darkening. He supposed there was just something about the way you came down your hall in silk pajamas, arms wrapped nervously around your stomach, eyes darting around like a cornered animal, that had his blood running hot.
You were younger than them--your father had mentioned that you were still in college, and his mother had implied that your father had kept you rather sheltered. Ran had not a single doubt about that, your eyes were still wide and bright, unlike most of the other women that Ran usually encountered around the clubs in Roppongi, who became jaded and empty-eyed over the years. It had been a long time since he’d come across someone who hasn’t been made dull and apathetic by the realities of the world and…
And Ran wanted to fucking ruin you.
“Don’t fuck this up for mom,” Rindou said sharply as if he could read Ran’s mind. Maybe he could, Ran considered as he forced his gaze from you back to him, frowning. “Don’t look at me like that, you saw her with the new guy. She really seems to like him. Don’t be fuckin’ gross and try to fuck with his daughter.”
“She always seems to like the new guys at first,” Ran dismissed and Rindou let out a frustrated breath at Ran’s blatant way of ignoring Rindou’s main point. “She’s pretty.”
It was an innocuous comment--a lot tamer than anything else Ran could have said watching your shirt ride up your stomach--but Rindou’s lips still twisted in disgust, “You’re disgusting,” he said, “Mom married her father, she’s technically our fuckin’ sister, Ran, c’mon.”
“Not by blood,” Ran grinned, winking at Rindou, who only looked even more disgusted at Ran’s words, “You’re gonna switch up,” Ran said firmly, ignoring how Rindou let out a ‘yeah, sure’, “and when you do, ‘m not gonna let you hear the end of it.”
“Fuck off,” Rindou said half-heartedly. “I’m going back to bed. Stop fucking staring at her, it’s creepy.”
“Whatever,” Ran said, waving his hand, sparing you one last look as you let out a soft hum in your sleep. His mouth went dry when he noticed that your blankets had slipped off your leg, revealing your skin all the way up to your thighs.
“Ran,” Rindou said sharply, and Ran rolled his eyes, finally ripping his eyes off of you to quietly shut the door behind him, “Don’t.”
Ran only smiled, “Relax,” he murmured, mind already whirring as plans bounced around his head, “I wouldn’t do anything she doesn’t want.”
---
You let out a frustrated breath as you looked down at the wires in your hand and then back up at the television, unable to figure out which cord you had plugged in wrong. You were exhausted, and your body was sore from working out, and you just wanted to lay down on the couch and binge the latest season of your favorite show. Why your father had decided to unplug the television before leaving for work was a mystery to you, you had heard him complaining about the picture being more static than usual and calling an electrician over to look at it after having fiddled with it for an hour and giving up.
He could have at least put it back the way it was before he fucked around with it, you thought to yourself. But knowing your father, he didn’t know how to put it back the way he had found it.
You grit your teeth as you looked between the wires and television again, going in for the fifth attempt. As you fiddled with the wires, you heard the shower water turn off in the distance. You frowned, instantly shooting a suspicious look in the direction of the bathroom.
The brothers had been around more often since the night they had shown up a few days ago—Ran, in particular. You didn’t know why—they had claimed to their mother that it was because they hadn’t seen her too often over the past year but you had a feeling that the excuse was not the real reason.
The number of times you had come home to Rindou smoking a joint by the pool or Ran wandering around shirtless after a shower, tattoos broad on display, was ridiculous, really. You hated how nervous the two of them made you, you hated how Rindou would barely spare you a glance even when you tried to say hi to him, and you hated how Ran was so touchy with you and you hated even more the part of you that couldn’t seem to get enough of it.
They had you on edge—both of them did, albeit for different reasons.
“Need help?” your eyes widened as you turned your head to the side, eyes catching sight of Ran leaning up against the wall next to the fireplace, towel hanging low on his waist and another towel draped around his shoulders. Your mouth was dry as your gaze darted down, just as it always did whenever you caught him walking around shirtless, dipping down and tracing his tattoos right to his v-line before you went hot, realizing what you were doing and looking back up. He raised his eyebrows, the smirk on his face very telling of the fact he knew exactly what you were looking at.
Your face heated up in humiliation, you tried to remember what he had asked.
Help, he had asked if you needed help.
Your eyes darted between him and the television that you just couldn’t seem to hook up correctly--you wondered how long he had been standing there watching you struggle with it before he finally spoke up. You weren’t sure how long you had been lost in thought. Silently, you cursed your father yet again for unplugging it before he left for work.
You didn’t want to ask him for help, there was something about Mrs. Haitani’s older son that really, really rubbed you the wrong way. He was always nice to you, too nice, even, and it should be putting you at ease…
But…
Your eyes met his lavender ones, they were sharp, calculating, and you had a strange, distinct feeling, one that you couldn’t quite place but you were sure it was reminiscent of how a deer might feel when it’s cornered by a predator with nowhere to run.
You swallowed thickly, “Yeah,” you said quietly, looking away from him. Ran peeled off the wall, walking closer to you and your fingers twitched at your sides when he finally stood in front of you. Silently, you held out the wires you were trying to hook up and your breath caught as Ran reached out to take them, fingers brushing yours.
You stood there for a moment, unmoving. Ran raised his eyebrows again and you frowned, unsure of what he wanted. His lips twitched up, a sort of mocking amusement dancing in his eyes, “Gotta get past you, doll,” he murmured.
Your face went hot again as you realized you were standing right in front of where he had to get to, and just as you were about to move out of the way, your eyes widened, Ran pressed his hand against the small of your back, sliding past you. And you felt dizzy, the scent of his body wash was overwhelming, the feeling of his body brushing against yours, you could feel his skin--you felt light-headed and you didn’t even know why.
As if he could sense how the brief contact had flustered you, he tossed you a wink. You stood there, stiff and nervous as he shifted the television on the wall mount so he could access the plugs better.
“C’mere,” he said, nodding his head to you, “I’ll show you so you know how to do it next time.”
You swore your heart was in your throat. The area behind the television was small, too small, you would be pushed up against him if he wanted you to come watch him plug it in. Just as you were about to shake your head and take a step back, Ran reached forward, tugging you a little closer.
Your breath caught as your back pressed against his chest. He let out a quiet apology, not having meant to pull you that hard--but a part of you didn’t believe him even as you told him it was okay. You took a step away so that your body wasn’t flush against his but it didn’t help.
You could barely focus on the way his long fingers fiddled with the wires, connecting them correctly. His voice was low in your ear, smooth like honey as he explained what you were fucking up with. It had your blood running hot and your hair standing up all at the same time.
His words went in one ear, out the other—you were more absorbed in the way you could feel how his skin was still hot from the shower he had taken, in the way you could smell his body wash so intensely, in the way you could hear each and every subtle fluctuation in his tone.
You prayed to god that he didn’t ask you to hook the television up yourself after he was done explaining to prove you understood what he was saying. On one hand, you knew damn well he already knew just how affected you were by his proximity and you were sure the satisfaction of that would be enough for him but on the other, you had a distinct feeling that Haitani Ran was the sort of man that got off on humiliation.
He was dangerous, you realized to yourself thickly. Your father kept you sheltered, but you were not naive. You knew of the rumors circulating Tokyo surrounding the people that bore the tattoo marring your stepbrothers’ throats, and you knew that the rumors were more than just rumors.
An unsteady feeling curled in your stomach as Ran finished explaining. You stepped away, still feeling hot and unwilling to look at him as you made your way to the couch, shooting him a quiet, stuttered thanks as your shaky hand lifted the remote.
He sat next to you.
Too close. You could feel his skin brushing yours, you could see the way his towel loosened from the corner of your eye.
“What’re you gonna watch?” Ran asked curiously.
“A show,” you responded tensely, trying to loosen the way your jaw had clenched tight at his proximity yet again.
He was waiting for you to elaborate, you realized and you let out a soft breath as you told him the name of the show, stupidly mentioning that it was your favorite.
“Mmm, hit play,” he hummed, “I’ll watch a few episodes with you, don’t think I’ve got anything else to do today anyway.”
With a figure that trembled just a bit too much to be solely from the way the air conditioning was blasting in the house, you pressed play on the remote—desperately trying to relax yourself against the cushions and ignore the way Ran’s toned arm was draped on the couch behind your head, ignore the way that if you looked out of the corner of your eye, your gaze could dip down below his towel from the way he was sitting.
Haitani Ran was dangerous, you noted again, hoping he missed the way you had instinctively rubbed your thighs together, especially if he could throw you off kilter like this so badly, if he could fluster you so intensely with minimal actions.
He was dangerous in more ways than one, you glanced at the tattoo branding his throat again and then went hot when he flashed you another smile. Very dangerous and you had always hated danger, no matter how appealing the form it came in was.
And that realization was all you needed to know to come to the conclusion that you would stay the fuck away from Haitani Ran and his charming smiles and captivating words no matter what the cost.
—
Haitani Rindou could not understand. It took a lot to boggle him like this but his older brother’s obsession with you was certainly more than enough to render him to such a state.
And it wasn’t like he didn’t try to understand. He did, he swore he did. Especially after Ran made that comment about how Rindou would switch up, and he only tried to understand because he wanted to avoid what might cause the switch up just so Ran couldn’t hold that ‘I told you so’ over his head.
But he could not understand. He did not know why Ran was so captivated by you, he did not know why Ran was so insistent that Rindou would switch up, and he certainly did not know why you kept trying to talk to him despite the fact he was cold and aloof with you.
Or, well, maybe he did know. Rindou’s lips pulled up around his cigarette as he made his way through the house toward the back door. You could not stand Ran, that much was apparent from how you had begun to actively avoid him. Whenever he walked into the room, you were moving in the opposite direction almost instantly. Maybe it wasn’t that you couldn’t stand him, he considered, more than it was Ran having come on to you too strong.
You were a lot like a deer, Rindou noted, inhaling a deep breath of smoke before tilting his head back and exhaling, letting it cloud around him. Hesitant, wary, ready to bolt at the first sign of danger, and evidently, you had deemed Ran as dangerous. Rindou would be insulted, really, that you didn’t seem to view him as dangerous but he found it way more amusing watching the frustration cross Ran’s face every time you drifted over toward Rindou or whenever you fled the room as soon as he showed up.
Rindou pushed open the back door, making his way out toward the pool, pausing mid step when he caught sight of you floating in the pool on one of the pink inflatable pool mats. You lowered your sunglasses when you heard the door open, tilting your head up to look at whoever had come outside. Your lips had been twisted down in suspicion until you seemed to recognize Rindou. Your lips turned up and you lifted your hand to wave at him.
Rindou ignored you, trying to hide the smile that nearly touched his lips when he realized you must have been suspicious over the fact that it might have been Ran that came outside. He debated on going back inside but decided against it--Ran was arguing on the phone with Kokonoi and Sanzu, and Rindou knew it was only a matter of time before the argument started getting loud and he did not particularly want to deal with that.
Holding the cigarette between his lips, he took off his tank top, pulling out his phone as he sat down on the pool chair next to the water. He scrolled through the groupchat he had with Mochi and Kakucho, snorting when he realized that the two of them must be in the same room as Kokonoi and Sanzu, listening as the argument drew on between them and Ran.
16:33 Kakucho: Sanzu won’t shut the fuck up, think Ran might actually lose it this time?
16:34 Mochi: Oh yeah, there he goes
As if on cue, a crash came from inside the house. Rindou snickered, shooting a message to them before a splash from the pool caught his attention. His gaze darted up above his phone right as he pressed send. He raised his eyebrows when he caught sight of you wading toward him, head bobbing above the water as you leaned up against the side of the pool.
“Hi,” you said, eyes happy as you looked up at him. He wondered what changed from the first night he had met you when you could barely look him in the eye. Or he supposed that he did know, you considered him the lesser of two evils now.
“Hey,” Rindou responded, meeting your eyes for half a second before letting his gaze drift back toward the house. Ran was at the window, phone pressed to his ear, eyes dark when he noticed that you were initiating conversation with Rindou.
Rindou, who had been very much intent on ignoring you after you exchanged your greetings, abruptly had a much better idea.
He sat up from where he was leaning back against the pool chair, putting his phone down, legs spread and feet pressed on the ground on either side of the chair, elbows resting on his thighs. Your eyes brightened over the fact that he wasn’t ignoring you, Rindou bit back a smirk when he noticed the vile, frustrated expression that crossed over Ran’s face when he noticed.
Not as fun when you’re not the first choice, hm? Rindou jabbed silently toward his older brother, having been in that exact position for the majority of his life. He knew that the only reason Ran had been so arrogant with his, ‘you’ll switch up,’ was because he was certain that you would prefer him over Rindou anyway, as most women have. And now that it was becoming apparent that that was not, in fact, the case…
Rindou was suddenly a whole lot more interested in you, even if it were for all the wrong reasons.
You propped your elbows up on the edge of the pool, resting your chin on one of your palms as you looked up at him.
“Whatcha guys hanging around so often for now anyway?” you asked, eyes lidded in a way that had his thoughts taking a rather filthy turn. He scolded himself silently, hating the way his blood jumped as you looked up at him through your lashes, eyes wide and curious.
He supposed he could see the attraction. He calculated you as he gave you a half-assed answer as to why he and Ran were suddenly all over their mother’s place again. You were a pretty little thing, that was for sure, and Ran had always enjoyed pretty little things like you. Rindou too, of course, but he had never seen it grow to this much of an obsession.
He watched as you babbled on about one of your classes--he wasn’t even quite sure how the conversation changed to this, but in his defense he hadn’t really been paying attention, too focused on trying to piece together the mystery you had thrown on him. He was grateful for the sudden change in your demeanor--this way he could focus on trying to figure this out while you distracted yourself with your conversation. You had been quiet the night that they had met you--quiet and timid and nervous. You were still that way whenever Ran was around, but Rindou thought he might prefer this side of you--the bright smile and brighter eyes that decorated your expression as you chatted animatedly about your interests. Interests that he genuinely couldn’t care less about but he still found himself listening fairly intently to as you went on and on about world politics.
You wanted to be a lawyer specializing in international law, he learned, eyes tracing your lips as you told him about a presentation you had on about the geopolitical risks of nuclear technology.
He asked you a question about your presentation, he watched as your eyes lit up, as you pushed yourself out of the pool just a little more, his breath caught as your breasts bounced at the subtle movement. Momentarily, Rindou’s gaze dropped down, watching as water droplets dripped down your collarbone and between your breasts.
He dragged his eyes back up to your face, gaze slowly tracing up the water droplets still dripping down your body up to your lips, spread wide across your face in a sort of smile that ignited something in him that he didn’t expect. His mouth felt dry, his eyes met yours again. You didn’t notice--he supposed he should be grateful for that. The last thing he needed was for you to start thinking he and Ran were the same.
Oh.
Realization hit him slowly--in a sort of way that had his skin crawling and heart stuttering in his chest. He spared one last glance to the window he had seen his brother in not ten minutes before, eyes wide and panic beginning to hit because…
… because Rindou had a distinct feeling that he just fucked himself.
---
Like his brother, Haitani Ran also could not understand. He was absolutely baffled as to how he had gone so horribly wrong with you. He had been nice, friendly, he went out of his way to try to help you and he made sure that he kept his temper in check whenever you were around even when Rindou was purposefully needling him. He had done all of that, and yet you still refused to talk to him--go near him, even.
But somehow you were perfectly comfortable with Rindou, and Ran just couldn’t understand why no matter how hard he tried.
His thin temper was on the verge of snapping, and it would not be pretty for anybody if, or more likely when, it did.
His jaw was tight as he stared down at his glass of wine, watching the red liquid slosh back and forth as he circled his hand.
He didn’t even know why this was bothering him so much. Or he supposed he did, Ran was pretty sure this was the first time ever that a woman had not chased after him. And likewise, it was the first time ever that he had chased after a woman.
And that was what had Ran so confused.
Why the fuck was he chasing after you?
Why was it not working?
Why was he continuing to chase when it was apparent that it wasn’t working?
Well, the last question was easy to answer--Ran had always had trouble accepting defeat and this was turning into one of the most frustrating games of his life.
His finger hovered above the call button on his cell phone.
Humiliating, this would be fucking humiliating. Mochi’s number was displayed bright on his screen, and he knew that calling his friend would result in a number of jokes at his expense but Ran wasn’t sure what else to do.
He could practically hear the comments already and it had his face heating up in anger and embarrassment.
How the fuck was he supposed to explain that he was trying and failing to seduce his new step-sister without sounding like an absolute fucking loser?
There was no way, he realized mournfully, locking his phone and shoving it back in his pocket, downing the rest of his drink. He would have to figure it out by himself.
He glanced over to the clock on the wall. It was late, obscenely so, he hadn’t realized how quickly the time had passed, and Ran felt dread pooling in him when he remembered that he had a meeting first thing in the morning.
He let out a long sigh, tipping his head back and downing the rest of his glass. Placing the glass back down on the counter, head fuzzy from the alcohol, Ran began to make his way back toward his room.
A part of him hated you, truly. He felt it deep in his chest, flowing throughout his body. He never tried for anyone, ever, not until you--and you, the first person he genuinely tried for, only brushed him off, avoided him.
It was fucking embarrassing. Humiliating. He knew that Rindou was laughing at him whenever he got the chance, and he knew that if the others found out, they would be doing the same exact thing.
The fact that he had even been considering going to Mochi about this, to ask his advice concerning how the fuck to approach you, was a mystery in itself. Mochi would have never let him live it down and you should not matter to him this much.
Why the fuck did he care so much about what you thought of him? Why was he so desperate to make you see him, want him? He had never been that way with other women, why you?
Even if he had been right a few nights ago when he decided the reason he wanted you was because he wanted to taint that purity that seemed to cling to you like a second skin, it didn’t explain why he was trying so fucking hard when it was obvious you had no interest.
It was exhausting. And he was certain it was driving him half-mad, watching you hang around his brother like an elementary school girl with a crush all the while avoiding him like the plague.
He let out a heavy sigh, sparing your ajar bedroom door a hateful glare as he made his way toward it so he could pass it to get to his own room further down the hall.
It was a waste of his time, he told himself, he was better off forgetting you and going back to women at the club. But even as the thought crossed his mind, the picture of your wide eyes and long lashes looking up at him as he helped you hook up the television flashed through his head, he recalled your soft voice and even softer skin as he sat just a bit too close to you and all he could think of was how your body would feel beneath his, how you would sound crying out his name, wide eyes glassy and tears spilling over your cheeks as you begged him for more and begged him to slow down all at the same time.
Ran let out a low groan, shutting his eyes and tilting his head back against the wall next to your door.
Fuck, he thought to himself, letting out a shaky, heavy breath as he tried to work himself up to continuing back to his room.
You were so close, he swallowed thickly. You were just behind the door and Ran could practically picture the way you were fast asleep in bed, blankets strewn all over, one bare leg visible, pajama shirt riding up your stomach. Your lips would be wet and parted, soft puffs of air escaping your lips as you slept soundly, unaware of his presence on the opposite side of the door and the vile, vile thoughts running through his head.
Another noise escaped his lips, his eyes screwed shut. What the fuck was wrong with him? he wanted to scream at himself, he wanted to pick his feet up to keep moving down the hall but he couldn’t.
Especially when he heard noise coming from inside your room.
His head fell to the side, eyes trained on your door as he listened intently. You should be asleep, fast asleep, really, he had been in the kitchen with you when you took your sleeping pills earlier. Was he imagining it?
No, he definitely wasn’t. A quiet whimper resounded from your room, one that he would have missed had he not been listening for it.
There were no sounds of movement from behind the door, Ran was so still that he was certain if someone passed by they would’ve mistaken him for a statue.
He waited a moment—another, he recognized, swallowing thickly as he glanced at the door, a hot feeling pooling in his lower abdomen. Maybe you were having a nightmare? he considered, trying to figure out what to do.
His palm pressed flat against the ajar door, hesitating only for a moment before pushing it open. He winced at the creak, and cursed his mother for never replacing the hinges on the older doors in the house. And just as Ran was about to take a step into the room, he froze, because the next noise that escaped your lips was not a whimper.
His eyes ripped up to where you were laying, mouth going dry as his gaze landed on you, covers strewn on top of you, just like he expected, quick, heavy pants escaping swollen lips, chest rising and falling rapidly. You were wearing different pajamas tonight—a tank top that was half-falling off of you and a pair of shorts that barely covered anything—and Ran could not take his eyes off of you, and he wouldn’t have wanted to even if he could.
Your eyes were squeezed shut tight, sweat beaded at your skin, body shifting and squirming underneath the thin sheet—you had tossed your comforter off some time during the night. Another soft moan escaped your lips, unmistakable this time, and Ran’s cock twitched at the thought.
Fuck, he thought, his feet were pressed hard against the ground. He tried to force himself to turn on his heel and walk away but he couldn’t.
It would be the right thing to do, Ran told himself but Haitani Ran had never been a good man, and a part of him wondered why the fuck he should start now.
But Rindou’s words circulated through his head—don’t ruin this for mom—and more selfishly, a part of him really was worried you would wake up, no matter how illogical the fear might be (he had seen you take the pills), and if you woke up and saw him, any chance he had would be thrown out the window.
With that thought in mind and a litany of curses running through his head, he took a step out of your room, closing the door behind him. Just as he was about to quietly shut it, another noise left your lips.
His name.
Ran stared ahead blankly, scared, if only for a second, that you had woken up and seen him. He glanced back over his shoulder, a million excuses on the tip of his tongue, but his lips only parted in shock when he realized you were still asleep.
Oh fuck.
God was testing him, he realized. His throat felt tight, his head felt dizzy. He took in a deep breath. Fuck.
And it took absolutely everything Ran had in him to step out of your room and close the door behind him. His eyes slid shut as he leaned back against the door, trying to control himself.
His hand twitched toward the buckle of his pants, cock straining against the tightness of his slacks, abdomen tense and breath shaky. The sight of you squirming in bed, the sound of your whimpers and moans playing on repeat through his head—his name.
You wanted him.
The thought was almost enough to push him over the edge after having heard you moan his name in your sleep. For all of your avoidance and excuses, you wanted him, and it set a new sort of fire running through his blood, igniting the determination that had slowly faded after two weeks of rejection.
You and your father and his mother were going on vacation next week, Ran remembered, head half-dizzy and legs all but trembling as he made his way back to his room.
He would figure out a game plan while you were gone, and once you were back, he swore to fucking god, he would do this right.
—
Something had changed.
You weren’t sure how, or what exactly it was, but something had changed and it had you on edge.
At first it was just Ran that had thrown you off kilter, unnerved by how familiar he acted with you and unhappy with the very unwelcome feelings he had brought upon you. But now it was Rindou too, and you hated it because he hadn’t been the one to change. He was still aloof with you, he was still distant, but now every time he accidentally (was it really accidentally?) brushed up against you, your head felt fuzzy and your body felt hot.
It had been easy to avoid Ran, because you would run to Rindou instead, but now Rindou wasn’t an option because he was making you feel those same, equally unwelcome feelings.
You shut your eyes. You hated it.
School. Studying. Clubs.
That was your life.
You wanted to do well in university. You wanted to get into the best law school. You wanted to make a name for yourself.
And now you wanted them.
You wanted them, and you hated it.
You wished you could go back to before you had met them, you wished you had stayed in your room and gotten a shitty night of sleep because now you couldn’t focus on anything but them.
Every time your professor droned on in class, your mind would wander to the way that Ran’s body had felt pressed up against yours that day he helped you with the television, your head would feel dizzy as you wondered how he would feel pressed up behind you in different scenarios—on his bed, over your desk, against the door to your parents’ bedroom. Your mind would wander to Rindou and his ever-apathetic expression, and you wondered what expression he would make if you were on your knees in front of him, if he was hovering above you with your legs hooked over his shoulders, and every time you realized just how far your mind had drifted, your face heated up and your eyes got teary.
You had never been like this before. You hadn’t. You weren’t totally inexperienced, you’d had a boyfriend before, but you had never been so dumb and obsessed over some guy’s cock before. You weren’t the type to just sit there and fantasize for hours on end but now you were and it was affecting your studies and it was their fault.
And it wasn’t just some guy, you wanted to cry, they were your brothers. Your brothers. Your father had married their mother. They were your brothers, maybe not by blood, but they were still your family, and all you could think about was them having their way with you in any and every possible position.
“You okay, hun?” you nearly flinched at the sound of Mrs. Haitani’s voice, and you wanted to cry even more when you noticed the genuine concern. She was worried about you as if you hadn’t just been having vile thoughts about her sons.
“Yeah,” your voice cracked, “I’m okay.”
She didn’t believe you, but for once she didn’t push and you were grateful.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” she sat on the couch next to you. Her suitcase was packed by the door next to your father’s, she was dressed fancy in a nice fur coat and hat. “It’ll only take a few minutes to pack, there should still be an extra seat in first class near us.”
“I’m sure,” you said softly, “I have an exam in two weeks, I really need to study.”
Mrs. Haitani sighed, but she nodded, rising to her feet. “If you say so,” she sounded disappointed, but you couldn’t really bring yourself to feel guilty.
With your father and Mrs. Haitani out of the house, and the brothers thinking you were with them, you would have plenty of time to study and get yourself under control, and you would be sure to take advantage of it.
—
He had fucked up. He had so awfully, terribly fucked up that he didn’t know if he would even be able to recover from it. Rindou gasped for breath as he frantically tried to turn his bike on, holding his wounded side and grimacing as he sat on the seat. As quick as possible, he pulled out of the warehouse.
He had stumbled right into a fucking trap, and he had no one to blame but himself but he wasn’t going to admit that to anyone--not even his brother. He was the one who had pushed for accepting the deal from their rivals, Sanzu had been vehemently against it--claiming that they were just trying to set Bonten up--and Rindou had been stubborn, too stubborn, once he realized Sanzu was disagreeing with him. It had turned into a battle of egos because there was no way he would ever let Sanzu win because he knew damn well Sanzu would never shut up about it--Sanzu had it out for them ever since the Kanto Manji days, and it had only gotten worse over time.
He had wanted to prove the fucker wrong and all he had done was give him more ammunition against Rindou and his brother. Rindou was not prepared for the slew of insults and accusations that were going to be thrown his way at the next meeting.
Assuming he survived the night.
He couldn’t worry about that yet.
First, he had to get out of enemy territory, and then he had to get his wound closed up before he fucking bled out.
The speedometer ticked upwards as he sped down the streets, trying to lose the cars chasing behind him. Each little movement had pain shooting through his body so intense that it had his vision going spotty.
He might die, he realized, a sick feeling in his stomach as he took a sharp turn down another street, gasping as the movement ripped the wound open more.
He turned down another street, and another, and another after that. His vision tunneled and blurred, once he was certain that he had at the very least lost the immediate tails on him, he fumbled to pull his phone from his pocket.
It was night time, and it was drizzling, and he supposed he should be more careful but he also supposed that being reckless was really his only option right now--his chances of survival were already slim anyway.
He pressed the first number that popped up on his screen--Ran.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ran picked up instantly, voice panicked, and Rindou could practically picture the expression on his face. Guilt ate at his stomach. “Rindou, wh-”
“Was a fuckin’ trap,” the words were bitter to admit out loud. “I got shot, I lost the people chasing me. I’m gonna head to mom’s place, it’s closer than the apartment.”
Rindou could hear Ran choke, “You got shot?” he demanded, “What about all the backup-”
“Dead,” Rindou grunted, swerving dangerously as his vision started going out again, “We don’t have time for this right now. Mom and the new guy are on vacation, right? I don’t want her to see me like this.”
“They are,” he heard Ran say over the line, his voice tense, laced with worry, and Rindou hated that it was because of him, “I’ll be there in twenty. Slow the bleeding, okay?”
“Yeah, I know,” Rindou muttered, hanging up the phone and stuffing it back into his pocket as he came to a hasty stop at the front of the house. He let out a slew of curses as his feet hit the ground, pain shooting up his side again.
He stumbled into the house, eyes frantic and breath quick. It fucking hurt, he grit his teeth hard as he looked around. He couldn’t remember where his mother had kept the bandages or needle and thread to stitch the wound up.
Fuck, he thought to himself, side on fire as his gaze darted around. The bathroom?
Just as he was about to make his way to the bathroom, a noise made him freeze. Inhaling sharply, he reached for the gun holstered at its side, flicking the safety off and holding it up, ignoring how his side screamed in pain at the movement.
The hallway was dark and it took all of Rindou’s self control not to get trigger-happy. No one should be here--his mom, your father, you, you guys were all on vacation. The house should have been empty. His finger twitched as a shadow appeared in the hallway, a hesitant figure making its way toward him.
“Who-”
“Rindou?”
The anxiety that had been building in his chest disappeared in an instant at the sight of you standing at the edge of the hallway, dressed in pale pink silk pajamas, similar to the ones you had been wearing that first night. He dropped the gun to his side, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Y/n,” he breathed out, “the fuck are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with mom and your dad in Santorini?”
You shook your head, “No, I stayed home,” you said quietly, stepping into the sitting room. Your eyes darted around suspiciously before they finally focused on him, widening when you saw the blood staining his shirt and dripping down the side of his body. “You’re hurt.”
No shit, he nearly said but he bit the snippy words as soon as they reached the tip of his tongue when you rushed toward him, “Come, your mom keeps the medical stuff in her bedroom’s bathroom.”
You wrapped an arm around Rindou’s waist, careful to not put pressure on the wound and Rindou let out a shaky breath as he leaned into you a bit, not wanting to throw his whole weight on top of you and topple the two of you over. He let his eyes slide shut as you guided him through the halls.
You were talking, but your voice was wavering and he could feel the way you were trembling against him. You were scared, and Rindou supposed a part of him felt guilty for it, but in his defense, you were not supposed to be here.
You turned on the light of the bathroom, ushering him to sit on the closed toilet seat. You didn’t say anything as you kneeled in front of the bathroom cabinet pulling out a bunch of different items before shuffling back over to him. Rindou’s eyes felt heavy as he looked down at you, watching as you knelt between his legs.
“I’m going to take off your shirt,” you said after a moment, looking up at him, “To see the wound.”
Rindou only let out a grunt in response, grimacing as he forced himself to sit up straight. You fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, fingers shaky. Rindou liked to blame it on the blood loss-induced haze, really, because when he looked down at you, watching your fingers trace his skin as you wiped away the blood with an antiseptic wipe, he couldn’t help the way his mind wandered.
And a part of him wanted to punch himself in the face because here he was, bleeding out in his childhood home, his new step-sister helping patch him up, and the only thing he could think about was how fucking pretty you look on your knees in front of him.
Get a hold of yourself, Rindou spat at himself, gritting his teeth and letting his head fall back as you pressed the needle into his skin. A hiss escaped his lips at the sting and you apologized softly under your breath.
Rindou’s eyes were lidded as looked down at you, kneeling between his legs, elbows propped on his side as you stitched up the wound in his lower abdomen.
“How do you know how to do this?” he asked, which was evidently a mistake because your gaze shifted up toward him, looking up at him through your lashes with wide eyes.
God was testing him, he decided, forcing his gaze away from you and looking back up at the ceiling.
“My ex got into fights a lot,” you finally said. He did not like the thought of you having an ‘ex’ but he couldn’t linger on it long as you continued, he could practically hear the amused smile twitching at your lips, “he didn’t often win.”
Rindou snorted, but the action made him wince.
“The bullet went through, so i’ll stitch the other side and you should be fine,” you said after a few moments of silence, “… you’ll still probably wanna get this checked out by an actual doctor though.”
“Yeah, I will tomorrow or something,” not an actual doctor though, just one of the one’s on Bonten’s payroll. Going to a hospital was not exactly an option for him, and from the way you didn’t even question why he didn’t go to one, he had a feeling you knew that.
The bathroom door slammed open. Rindou jumped, fumbling for his gun, you let out a surprised shriek, just as he had a firm grasp on the grip of the gun, he realized who exactly had entered the bathroom with them.
“Ran, what the fuck?” Rindou demanded, heart racing as he relaxed back on the seat, “I thought you said twenty minutes.”
Ran shot him an irritated look, out of breath and still significantly frazzled, “You got shot,” was all he said in response, and Rindou wondered just how fast Ran had driven to get to the house so fast. “You don’t know how to patch up your own wounds you could have bled out.”
Rindou looked away. Ran was right, of course, but he wasn’t going to admit that.
“I thought you were on vacation,” Ran said, having finally noticed who exactly was kneeling in front of Rindou, stitching him up.
“I didn’t go,” you said quietly. Ran let out a hum, moving around you to sit down on the side of the tub next to Rindou, watching intently as you finished stitching the entrance wound. You tapped his thigh and Rindou took it as a cue to turn, straddling the toilet seat, facing the tank as you began to start on the exit wound.
Rindou made the mistake of looking at Ran, who was watching the two of you curiously. Rindou did not like the look on his face.
You stood up after a few minutes of tense silence, looking awkwardly between the two of them, “I’m gonna head to bed,” you said, “the stitching is pretty sloppy but it gets it done for now.”
“Thanks,” Rindou said, voice rough, and he felt a little bad because he should have been nicer—you just saved his ass, after all—but all he could focus on was how Ran was watching him with that stupid, knowing look on his face.
As soon as you left the bathroom, Ran was running his mouth, “You switched up,” he said so matter-of-factly that there was no arguing against it.
Rindou looked away, “Fuck you.”
“Bet you wish you were fucking her,” Ran countered in response and Rindou scoffed.
“Fuck you,” he said even louder, glaring at Ran heatedly. Ran only grinned, eyes bright. “Shouldn’t you still be sulky over the fact she won’t even look at you?” Rindou spit out, voice vile.
Ran looked unbothered and the thought had Rindou’s skin crawling because just a few days ago Ran had been furious and distressed over it.
What had changed?
“Why would I be?” Ran’s voice was teasing, too light to be of comfort.
“The fuck you mean why would you be? You’ve been shitty over the fact she likes me more for weeks,” Rindou snapped.
Ran’s smile had Rindou nervous.
“Oh, does she?” Ran cooed, “I don’t think it was your name she was moaning in her sleep, little brother.”
Rindou’s expression dropped, he stared at Ran, “You’re lying,” he hissed but Rindou knew that he wasn’t.
“Mmm, it seems our new baby sister likes me a bit more than she lets on, Rindou.”
—
You’d been tossing and turning for two hours. You couldn’t get your mind off of the brothers.
Again.
You had never seen Ran like that before, so serious, so scared. He had been terrified when he first burst through the bathroom door, and you weren’t sure you could exactly blame him. When you had seen Rindou stumbling through the sitting room, blood soaked through his shirt and dripping onto the floor, you swore that your heart was in your throat.
You sighed as you sat up in bed, hands pressed against the mattress behind you, head tilted back as you looked up at the ceiling.
Your hands were still shaking, you noticed, swallowing thickly as you shifted to sit off the side of the bed, feet dangling for a moment before you forced yourself to stand up. You had classes again tomorrow, but you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep. You were stressed over Rindou’s wound, you were stressed over whatever caused the wound, and you were stressed over the fact that no matter what you did, you could not take your mind off of either of them.
This was not like you. A part of you was angry that they had showed up--this was supposed to be your week to relax, your week to finally get yourself under control, to focus back on school and studying and all of the upcoming exams you were going to have to suffer through.
Instead here they were, and here you were, once again up half of the night thinking about them.
You should have taken your pills, you realized, but you were thrown off so badly by Rindou’s appearance that you had totally forgotten about them, and if you took them now, you wouldn’t be able to wake up for your 8 AM class tomorrow.
You let out another irritated breath, rising to your feet. You might as well go make yourself some sort of tea to try to help you doze off.
Just as you were about to make your way to the door, you paused when you heard a rather harsh knock at your door, two familiar voices behind it.
“Rindou, c’mon,” you heard Ran mutter.
“Fuck off,” Rindou snapped right back.
You sighed, speak of the devils. Your feet dragged against the ground as you made your way to your door, pulling it open and looking up at Rindou and Ran. The question on your lips died when you saw just how furious Rindou looked as he pushed past you into your room.
“Um-” you began, turning to look at him but he cut you off.
“You like stringin’ both of us along?” Rindou demanded, taking a step closer to you.
Your jaw went slack, your face was on fire. You took a step back, stepping right into Ran’s chest. Ran shot you a smile unfitting for the situation, one hand on your hip as he made you take another step forward, back into the center of the room so he could follow Rindou into the room, shutting the door behind him.
“I asked you a question,” Rindou said sharply, reaching forward to grab your jaw, forcing you to look up at him. Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, a dark look circulated behind his eyes but you couldn’t pinpoint whether or not it was anger or… something else.
You bit your bottom lip, trying to look away, but his grip tightened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stuttered over the words, you were sure Rindou could feel how hot your face was beneath his fingers. “I don’t know-”
“No?” Ran cooed, coming right up behind you again, just like that day where he was helping you with the television. Your breath shook as you felt his body press up against your back, fingers grazing your hips as he held you in place lightly. “Are you calling my brother a liar, doll?”
“I-I didn’t say that,” you said, trying to shake your head and failing when Rindou didn’t let you move your face.”I did not say th-”
“So you’re saying there’s some truth behind it?” Ran interrupted you. He leaned down, you could feel his lips brush the shell of your ear, you hated how your body shivered directly in response to it, and you hated how you knew damn well that Ran noticed if the chuckle he let out was anything to say about it. He clicked his tongue mockingly. “How filthy, doll, have you been fantasizing about your big brothers?”
You blanched, fingers trembling, body hot--and you weren’t sure if it was from embarrassment or from the feeling of both of them so close.
“Y-you’re not my brothers,” you cried out, trying to push away from them but you couldn’t get yourself free. “You are not my brothers, don’t say that, that’s so-”
“Oh?” Ran murmured, and you had a feeling that you had walked right into whatever trap he had laid out for you, “So you have been fantasizing about us?”
Your heart was in your throat, “No, no, I did not say that either-” you tried to shake your head again but couldn’t. Rindou scoffed, you felt tears spring to your eyes. “I didn’t-”
“You haven’t?” Rindou’s voice was harsh, mean, you took in a wet, shaky breath, “So then why the fuck were you moaning Ran’s name in your sleep, huh?”
You swore your world went still, your ears were ringing, his words rang in your head over and over and over again.
Moaning Ran’s name in your sleep-
“There’s no-there’s no way,” you couldn’t breathe, “You must’ve heard wrong, there’s no-”
You were lying through your teeth, you had woken up many times over the past few weeks from less than pure dreams about one, or both, of the brothers. But there was no way they had overheard you--you don’t sleep talk, there was no way. You had never sleep talked before as far as you knew.
“Mm, but you did, princess,” Rindou’s tone was laced with malice, eyes heated as he stared down at you.
“I didn’t,” you tried again, “I didn’t, I don’t think of you guys that way, I don-”
“You haven’t?” Ran cooed, his lips were still close to your ear, you couldn’t help the way your eyes fluttered shut, “Well, if you don’t think of us that way, then I guess you don’t wanna hear all the dirty little fantasies I’ve had about you, do you?”
Your breath caught, your mouth went dry, “H-huh?” was all you could say, and you wished that Rindou’s grip on your face would loosen so you could look back at him but Rindou forced you to keep looking at him.
“I’ve thought about you a lot,” he murmured, and you trembled when you felt his lips brush your ear before dipping lower, ghosting across the skin of your neck, breath hot and dizzying against your skin, “Thought about that pretty face of yours, havin’ those pretty lips wrapped around my cock. You think you could handle my cock, doll? … I don’t think so, but I think you’d look real good chokin’ all over me.”
You bit back a whimper, lips parting when the fingers on your waist trailed lower, tracing light patterns on your hip bone, sliding even lower, too low. Your breath was quick, you could feel your body reacting to his touches, and you could feel the way his lips were pulling up in amusement.
“Thought about that pretty pussy of yours too, thought about ruinin’ it,” he breathed out, teeth grazing your skin. This time you couldn’t hold back the whimper. “Stuffin’ you so full of my cum that it’s leakin’ from your cunt for days.”
You shifted, accidentally brushing against Ran’s cock. A gasp ripped from your lips when he let out a low groan against your skin, “Thought about bending you over that desk you’re always doin’ your work on, takin’ you over the hood of your dad’s fancy car, splitting you open while you try to focus during one of those dumb Zoom meetings for your club.”
“S’not right,” you gasped as one of Ran’s hands flattened against your lower stomach, pressing you harder against him, “We can-”
Your eyes snapped back open when a hand wrapped tight around your throat, pulling you right from Ran’s grasp and backing you up into the bed. You gasped as the back of your knees hit the mattress, falling back flat, Rindou hovering on top of you, eyes dark and lips twisted down.
“Rin,” you gasped, “We shouldn’t, your wound and-and our parents and-“
“Fuck the wound and fuck them,” Rindou spat out and a soft keen left your lips when he let go of your neck, lips attaching to the spot beneath your jaw instantly. His mouth sucked hard at your neck, and you knew it would leave marks come morning but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, while his tongue drew pretty patterns against your skin, as if he was trying to soothe the area his lips and teeth were violating.
He drew back momentarily, knees straddling your waist as he looked you over, shaking his head, “You’re so fuckin’ pretty,” he murmured, pressing his lips back to the junction of your neck, voice muffled against your skin, “Never seen anything like it.”
One of his hands slipped beneath your silk pajama top, smoothing over your skin before sliding up your body, kneading one of your breasts firmly, thumb flicking over your nipple. You let out a shaky breath, eyes fluttering shut as your back arched up off the bed and into his touch instinctively.
You could feel him smile against your neck, “You’re so sensitive,” he breathed out, pulling back to look over you. You watched as curiosity sparked in his eyes. “Have you ever…”
You knew what he was asking without him having to finish it, and you could feel the way your face heated up in humiliation at the question, “Yes,” you interrupted before he could speak it out loud. “Yes,” you hesitated, “I have…”
You have, that was true, but your ex-boyfriend wasn’t exactly adept in making a girl feel good. He was always more focused on his own pleasure. This was foreign to you, and you were nervous.
Not to mention the fact that a part of you still was hesitant.
You wanted them, god, you fucking wanted them. You’d been thinking about it nonstop since you had met them--it was eating your brain away, consuming your every thought. You hoped that letting them have their way with you once, you would get it out of your system, you’d be able to go back to focusing on your studies and your future.
But… you couldn’t shake the thought out of your head--they were your brothers. Maybe not by blood, but they were your brothers. They were. Your father had married their mother, and both of them wanted the three of you to get along as siblings would. Mrs. Haitani was very vocal about it and even your father had made comments about how nice it would be for you to have brothers to look out for you now.
This was wrong, you told yourself over and over and over again but instead of pushing Rindou off and telling him to stop, you tilted your head back, giving him better access.
“Atta girl,” you heard Ran say, feeling the bed dip next to you and Rindou let out a low grunt of agreement against your skin, “Flip her over, Rindou.”
“Wh-” you began but you were cut off as Rindou immediately did what his brother asked, grabbing you by the hips and flipping the two of you over so that you were straddling his hips. Ran shifted behind you and Rindou sat up, pressing his lips to yours.
Whimpering softly against his lips, your hands rose to intertwine with his hair, holding him close. Ran chuckled as he pressed up against your back, lips pressed to the nape of your neck, trailing wet kisses down your neck toward your spine. His fingers worked at the buttons to your shirt as Rindou kept you distracted, tongue tracing along your bottom lip before pushing into your mouth, pressing down gently on your tongue as Ran slipped your top off of your shoulders.
They moved fast, and efficiently. You just couldn’t keep up. You swore you felt like their hands and lips were everywhere, and it had you dizzy and reeling, you couldn’t even hope to make full sense of what was happening, all you knew was that you felt good, so fucking good that it almost felt like an alcohol-induced hazed had swept over you.
Ran’s lips moved slowly down your spine, and your body trembled under his touch, his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your silk shorts and you gasped into Rindou’s mouth, giving the opportunity to deepen the kiss.
“Shhh,” Ran hushed and your hips jerked as you felt his fingers ghost over your panties, drawing a light circle over your clothed clit, “You weren’t kidding, she is sensitive,” he chuckled.
You pulled away from Rindou for only a moment, “Ran,” you panted, trying to look back but Rindou’s hand returned to your jaw, grip rough.
“Pay attention to me,” he said, voice low, dragging your face back toward him, to press his lips hard against yours again.
Ran’s fingers dipped lower and he laughed, lips pressed to your shoulder, “You’re fuckin’ drenched, doll, how many times have you imagined this happening… have you tried to get yourself off thinking about us?”
You shook your head quick--too quick--tears springing to your eyes once again because you had. It was only once, and as soon as you realized what you were doing, you stopped yourself, reminding yourself who they were to you, and how you couldn’t be thinking of them that way.
“Oh you have, haven’t you?” Ran gasped in mock disbelief, “Dirty girl, aren’t you? How would your father react if he knew you were finger fucking yourself and pretending it was your big brothers’ cocks?”
You forced yourself away from Rindou again, trying to ignore the way Ran’s long fingers dipped beneath your panties, body shuddering as his pointer finger glided between your folds, gathering up the slick before smearing it all over your clit.
“Y-You’re not my brothers, stop saying that,” you stuttered, trying to convince no one but yourself, and from the way Ran snorted he knew that as well.
“Hmm? Then why were you so worried about our parents before?” Ran questioned, biting down gently on your skin as he sunk a finger deep, deep into you. Your eyes half-rolled back at the feeling, hips jerking yet again in a desperate attempt for more. Ran groaned against your skin, “Fuck, doll, you’re so tight. How the fuck’re you supposed to fit us in there when you can barely fit a finger?”
His words went in one ear out the other, too lost in the feeling of their bodies already. Ran pumped his finger in and out of you steadily, thumb rubbing gentle circles on your clit while his free hand slid up your body to your neck, keeping a firm hold on it as he held you back against him. Rindou took the opportunity to trail his lips down your collarbone to your chest, hair brushing your skin as he captured one of your nipples into his mouth, tongue flicking over the bud as he sucked on it while his hand played with your other breast, pinching your nipple softly and massaging the soft flesh around it.
It was too much, they were too much. You couldn’t even think straight, much less pray to do anything. All you could do was lay between them and let them have their way with you, panting, gasping for air, body twitching and jerking with every touch.
Ran slipped another finger inside of you, stretching your walls around him and your vision went spotty and your head felt fuzzy. Your body felt hot, too hot, and far too quick.
“Oh god,” you whimpered, “Oh god, ‘s, ‘s so-“
You didn’t even really know what you were trying to say. Rindou’s teeth grazed your skin and the noise you let out was obscene, Ran picking up the pace of his fingers in time with Rindou’s increase of aggression.
It was overwhelming, so fucking overwhelming, you tried to hold yourself together. You tried so hard but it was just impossible with their hands and lips all over your body, and with the incessant filth spewing from Ran’s mouth.
“God, look at you,” Ran groaned, “Tried to play all fuckin’ coy and innocent avoiding me these past few weeks. If I’d known the only thing you wanted was to be stuffed with cock I would’ve given it to you, but you had to be difficult, didn’t you?”
No response left your lips other than another high pitch moan when his thumb pressed down hard on your clit at the same time as he tried to push another finger into you.
And that was all it took to send you spiraling, crying out their names so loud that you swore your neighbors would be able to hear as you came all over Ran’s fingers, body spasming between theirs and the grip Ran had on your throat tightened to hold you in place.
Your vision was blurry and your body was shaking but Rindou and Ran didn’t even give you a chance to recover. You were still fully out of it as they manhandled your body around positioning you on top of Rindou, straddling his waist.
“H-hold on,” you began, “I need a sec-“
Your jaw went slack when you felt the tip of Rindou’s cock nudge against your entrance before pushing in.
And it hurt, even with Ran having loosened you up with his fingers before, it was no comparison to how bad Rindou’s cock was stretching you out. The tears in your eyes spilled over, streaming down your cheek. It burned and it stung, your fingers, Ran’s fingers, your ex’s cock, nothing could have prepared you for the sensation of being split open on Haitani Rindou’s cock.
“S’too big, s’too big,” you sobbed, “‘m gonna die.”
Ran only cooed, reaching from behind you to cup your cheek, wiping away the tears, “How cute,” he murmured, “How’s she feel, Rindou?”
Rindou was breathing heavy, “Fuckin’ tight, you weren’t kidding, fuck,” he moaned, hips jerking up, the tip of his cock nudging so deep inside you that you swore he was up in your guts somehow.
Your eyes rolled back and the pain slowly, slowly began to shift into pleasure, the burn of the stretch becoming bearable as Rindou rolled his hips up into you, waiting for you to adjust to his side.
And it was in no time, really, you had your hand braced against his abdomen, nails digging into his tattoos, careful to avoid the stitchs, arms trembling and your thighs tense as you tried to move your hips with him. You could feel every inch of his cock molding against your walls, the in-and-out drag had drool pooling at the corner of your mouth, heavy pants and high-pitched moans spilling from your lips.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Ran said quietly, and your eyes fluttered up, you turned your head to meet his eyes, unfocused and blurry, your hips still moving to fuck yourself on Rindou’s cock. “Feels good being split open by your big brother, doesn’t it?”
And his words were only partly registering as you nodded frantically, “F-feels s’good, feels s’good, Ran,” you cried, eyes sliding back shut, “Feels-“
Two hands fell heavy on your hips, bruising, stopping your own movements and Rindou’s in one fell swoop. You sobbed, Rindou let out a string of vile curses.
You forced your eyes back open to look at Ran again, and distantly, you recognized the cruel, playful look in his eyes as he watched you, “I want you to tell me every little filthy fantasy you had about me and my brother.”
You shook your head, opening your mouth to refuse but Ran’s smile only widened, “Then stay here, I’ll hold you here cockwarming him all night if I have to,” he told you, and the expression on his face let you know that he had every intention of following through.
Your lips wobbled, your eyes blurred with tears again, one of Ran’s hands slid to rub soft circles on your clit while the other held you down on Rindou’s cock. He leaned in close over your shoulder, lips so close to yours they were nearly brushing. You could feel his breath mixing with yours, hot and dizzying.
“You feel how good he’s stretching you out,” Ran murmured, and between his words and the circles he was rubbing on your clit, your walls clenched down hard on Rindou’s cock, you could hear him let out a shameless moan behind you and you whimpered. “Imagine how much better it’ll feel when I let go and let him actually fuck you, doll.”
God, you could practically feel it. You could practically feel Rindou’s fingers digging into your hips as he brought you down hard on his cock over and over and over again, hips thrusting up to meet yours every time, cock so deep inside you that it had your mind going numb. You could practically hear the lewd sounds of skin on skin resounding through the room, the sloppy sound of his cock driving into your cunt.
You needed it.
And Ran knew it, if his smile had anything to say about it.
“Go on,” he urged, “tell us and I’ll let go.”
A humiliated sob bubbled at your lips, your body felt like it was on fire and you knew it wasn’t because of the way Rindou’s cock was lodged deep inside of you. You tried to move your hips despite Ran’s grip but he was stronger than you, and he only laughed when he noticed your attempt.
“S’not gonna work, doll,” he cooed, voice cruel and mocking. “Only way you’re getting what you want is if you give me what I want.”
The noise that escaped your lips was pathetic, your cheeks were wet from the tears that had spilled over, your body trembled violently beneath his grasp. Looking down, you noticed that Rindou’s eyes were screwed shut and his jaw was clenched, fingers wrapped tight around the bed sheets as he tried to control himself.
“I-I’ve thought about you,” you finally cried, and Ran hummed behind you, kissing your shoulder as he continued to trace light circles around your clit, “Th-the day you were helping with the TV-“
Ran tutted quietly and you stopped talking immediately.
“Tell me something new,” he said, “I could’ve guessed that one.”
Your lips wobbled again, taking in another ragged breath. He kissed back up to your ear, biting at the lobe gently.
“I want you to tell me all the filthy thoughts you had while you were stuffin’ your pussy full ‘n pretending it was us,” Ran breathed out, the hand on your hip sliding up your body to palm one of your breasts, rolling your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger.
And distantly, you noticed your hips were free to move again but now any sense of coherence was gone as his tongue returned to tracing patterns on your skin, as one of his fingers continued to tease your clit while the other gave your breasts some much needed attention.
“I-I thought about both of you,” you couldn’t even see straight. You were dizzy as Rindou’s cock twitched inside you, begging for the chance to finally fuck you right; and your eyes were blurry as the tears fell faster, your body hot as embarrassment spread through you. “I thought-I thought about suckin’ you off while Rindou fucks me. ‘n-n I thought about doin’ it while our parents are in the house n-n Rindou keepin me quiet while you go down on me. ‘n I thought about tryna take you both at the same time-“ another sob ripped from your lips, “please, please let him fuck me please-“
Ran laughed, a mean, spiteful laugh that had you crying even harder, “Hear that, Rindou? Our pretty lil step sister is nothin’ but a cock hungry whore, and here we were thinking she was all cute and innocent.” Rindou didn’t answer, his breath heavy and quick as he tried to hold himself still. “I don’t think you can fit us both this time but maybe next time, yeah?”
Next time?
You didn’t get the chance to linger on the thought because at once your world spun and now instead of facing Rindou, you were facing Ran, Rindou’s cock still lodged deep inside of you, the slight switch in angle pushing him even further inside of you. You nearly fell forward, hands falling forward to brace yourself on Rindou’s thighs.
You felt a hand intertwine with your hair and you winced as it yanked your head up and back rather harshly, your eyes met Ran’s amused ones.
“We can put that pretty mouth of yours to work though.”
Ran didn’t even give you a chance to process his words before he was pushing your head down hard, he tapped the tip of his cock against your lips twice impatiently, “Open up,” he said sharply and your body reacted on its own as your lips parted on instinct, “Good girl.”
He was not kind as he pressed your head down even further, pushing his cock between your lips and into your mouth. He was big, longer and thicker than anything you had seen before and you had very little experience with giving head. You choked around him, struggling to take him in but he didn’t seem to care, only letting out a huff of amusement and then a groan as your throat spasmed around him.
You couldn’t breathe, and you couldn’t think straight to try to take in deeper breaths through your nose, although that wouldn’t have even mattered considering Ran held your face flush to his pelvis, cock stretching out your throat so much that you swore there was a bulge there.
“The fuck you waiting for, Rindou?” Ran asked his brother, and that was seemingly all Rindou needed because at once his hands found your hips, bringing you down hard as he thrusted up into you.
You choked on Ran’s cock, moan muffled and eyes half-knocked back at the feeling of him bullying his cock deep into you. Your mind felt absolutely blank and numb as Rindou began fucking up into you at a steady pace, the sloppy sound of his cock fucking into your cunt, the breathy moans spilling from his lips, the sound of you choking on Ran’s cock—it was all too much for you to handle.
“Don’t think I-fuck-forgot about you, Rindou,” Ran warned, “Actin’ all fuckin holier-than-thou that first night. Look at you now, fuckin’ your sister like a bitch in heat.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Rindou groaned, each snap of his hips getting just a bit rougher at his words—but you couldn’t even really register what they were saying, more focused on trying not to pass out because of the combined lack of air and intense pleasure.
“Hm?” Ran laughed, “That’s what you were tryna call me, wasn’t it? Who’s the sister-fucker now, Rindou?”
The noise that Rindou let out was shameless, “Fuck you, Ran,” Rindou choked out as his grip on your hips tightened, as he brought you down so fast and so hard on his cock that it had your vision flashing white as your body shuddered and trembled, hips jerking and thighs tense as you came all over his cock.
“Fuck,” Rindou moaned loud as he felt you clench down on his cock, fingers bruising your skin as he fucked you through your high.
Neither he nor Ran give you a chance to recover. Rindou picked his pace back up almost immediately and Ran had never even faltered in his.
He let out a low whistle before his grip on your hair tightened when you went half-limp trying to recover from your orgasm, continuing to rock his hips against your face at a steady pace, “That’s it, doll, relax your throat,” he said, but his words went in one ear out the other.
His pace shifted into a rougher, faster one, moving your head in time with your hips and you felt your vision start to go spotty. You couldn't breathe through your nose between each snap of his hips and even if you could, any air that might’ve made it to your lungs was torn right from them as Rindou drove his cock deep into you.
It was too much.
You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t think except for a few garbled thoughts, you couldn’t move, you couldn’t do anything except lay there and take it—the overwhelming pleasure, the pain of your throat being stretched out, the sound of all of the filthy noises resounding through the room and god the taboo of it all. What would your father think if he walked in on you choking over step-brother’s cock while getting railed by your other? What would Mrs. Haitani think?
The tears streaming down your face fell faster but even as the shame began to hit you, you could feel the heat pooling in your stomach again—faster, more intense this time. The burn of your lungs, the burn of the stretch of your throat and cunt, it was pushing you right back over the edge again.
You gagged at one particularly harsh thrust of Ran’s hips, trying to pull off to get some air only for him to press your face right back down, nose flush to his pelvis, grinding his hips against you. Your vision went spotty again as you felt his cock drag roughly against your throat.
“Gunna fuckin’ cum,” Rindou gasped, and he was fucking you harder, faster, faster than you thought was possible. His hips snapping up at a pace that had you clawing at Ran’s thighs trying to keep yourself steady, moaning and choking as Rindou fucked you into your third high.
You should be embarrassed, you thought to yourself distantly as another muffled cry around Ran’s cock signaled you were cumming again. You could feel the sticky mixture of your drool and Ran’s precum dribbling down your chin, your tears staining your face, you were shaking and trembling and weak, you couldn’t even hold yourself up anymore, rendered to such a humiliating state and the worst part was you couldn’t even bring yourself to care, too caught up in how good they were making you feel.
You felt Rindou’s hips stutter against you, his grip tightening on your hips as he grinded you down on his cock, cumming deep inside you with a shameless moan of your name. You felt full, too full, and warm, you could feel Rindou’s cum leaking from around his cock, dripping down your thighs.
You were barely conscious, your third orgasm having knocked all thought and reason from your mind, the only sensations you could make sense of were the feelings of their hands sliding against your body and their cocks buried deep inside you.
Rindou hissed when Ran didn’t let him pull you off of his cock, the overstimulation evidently a bit too much as his hips jerked instinctively against yours, but Ran was more concentrated on keeping you in place so he could finish himself off.
You heard him let out a pretty moan, and that was the only warning you had before he was stuffing his cum right down your throat. You choked and spluttered, trying your best to swallow what you could but it was just too much.
Ran pulled out of you after shooting half a load down your throat, seemingly pleased with having you gagging over his cum, attempting and failing to swallow it all. He held you in place by the hair as he stroked his cock a few more times, head tilted back and a low groan escaping his lips as he painted your face and chest white, releasing the rest of his cum onto your body.
He let go of your hair and you lost the only support you had, falling limp on Rindou’s thighs, unable to gather the strength to move. You whimpered as Rindou pulled out of you, shifting you off from where you were still limp on top of him onto the bed next to them.
You felt hazy and exhausted, your body already felt sore and you were trembling on the blankets as Rindou and Ran talked over you but you couldn’t even make out what they were saying.
And while your mind wasn’t exactly functioning properly in the moment, you somehow had a distinct feeling that your “fuck them to get them out of your system” plan just wasn’t going to cut it.
Summary: Satoru Gojo’s life gets turned around when you declare you’ve never held any feelings for him, and an arrangement is formed so that you may leave the rest of your days in peace with each other. But your declaration something stirs inside Satoru.
Genre: Modern Au. Romance. Angst.
Inspired by “The Broken Ring” and “Maybe Meant To Be”
summary - you'd never imagined being best jeanists late night hero would be so tiring.
cws - healer reader, threesome, degradation, praise, light yandere overtones, possessive overtones, bakugou and shouto really don't wanna share reader. dom characters sub reader
a/n - ty to @killerdabi for the request follow them at @daddymaki minors dni
“Really,” you cross your arms. “I can’t pay any special attention to you because you did well in hero school.” You shrug. “I’m a healer and it’s my job to assist everyone equally,” you turn your back to the two boys who’d gotten into a skirmish well after Best Jeanist's working hours. “Give me just a second, alright, and I’ll take care of you.” You tap the spacebar on your laptop, waking it up so you can make a couple notes.
“We uh,” Bakugou says, his low rasp cutting effectively through the silence, well above the hum of the air conditioning unit. “We had a question for ya.” You look up, they’re both only mostly dressed, hero costumes shredded from the fight with the villain engineered bioweapon.
“Yes?”
“We want to know which one of us you like better.” Shouto says bluntly, stepping in front of the blonde. You blink at them in surprise.
“What?”
“You heard him.” Bakugou crosses his arms over his broad chest. “We wanna know if ya like me or half n’ half better.”
“I,” you scramble, none of your healing training had prepared you for this, “I’m not sure I have enough data to make a decision.”
“That,” Shouto considers, “That we could provide.”
______
“Shhhh,” Shouto breathes, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “So good, takin’ him so well.” You let out a strangled whimper, sitting in between the two pro heroes you’ve never felt smaller, sinking just a little lower on Bakugou’s cock and feeling like you’re being split in half. You’re straddling the blonde, he’s laying down on his bed, huge hands resting on your thighs.
“So close,” he growls, “Almost got me all the way,” he eyes Shouto angrily, “You gonna help her out or are ya just here to watch me fuck her brains out?” Todoroki rolls his eyes, reaching around your body and rubbing softly at your clit, watching your mouth drop open as you relax against his chest.
“I wouldn’t give me orders if I were you,” Shouto says coolly, kissing your shoulder as he makes eye contact with Bakugou, “I’d focus on making our sweet girl feel good,” he nips at your neck and you gasp with pain, clenching down hard on Bakugou, who swears violently. “That’s a good boy,” he coos, radiating condescension.
Bakugou scowls, and swats at him.
“I’m gonna move,” The blonde warns, and you whimper loudly as he rolls his hips against yours burying your face in Shouto’s neck.
“So good,” He repeats smoothly, still rubbing softly at your puffy clit, feeling the way your thighs are trembling, “Think she’ll be able to walk after this?” He asks, eyes closing in pleasure as he starts to massage your chest with his free hand. “Fuck, these are perfect.”
“Not if I can help it,” Bakugou grins, pressing down harder on your thighs as he fucks you, pinning you tightly against him. Shouto holds you upright, but your lips part, a hushed moan dropping from your lips as Bakugou bucks up into you, “C’mon,” he grunts, “Take it like ya said you could.”
“Talked a big game,” Shouto says in your ear, “So sure you could handle both of us, pretty girl, how’s that working out for you?”
“I,” you manage, hands on Bakugou’s abdomen, attempting to balance.
“You know what’s at stake here,” Shouto says, still playing with you, cool hand so gentle on the softest part of you, carefully rubbing your clit, “If you fall apart, we own you, sweetheart,”
“Wantcha to do everythin’ we say,” Bakugou grunts as your eyes start to roll, “No more of this competition shit, you’re ours, our fuckin’ healer, our sweet little set of holes.”
“Fuck,” you chirp, toes curling, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna,”
“We’re just getting started,” Shouto kisses your burning cheek again, groping at your chest as you feel his hard cock against your ass. “You said there was no way we could make a mess of you.”
“Oh,” you lean forward but he catches you, Bakugou smirks, thrusting up cruelly into you, watching you completely lose composure.
“From where I am, princess,” he spits the last word like it’s an insult, “Pretty sure you’re a fuckin’ mess.”
“Shhhh,” Shouto breathes in your ear, “Be a good girl and take it, and when we’re done, we’ll take care of you.” You warble something unintelligible. “And you’re gonna be a good girl for us,” he kisses your neck softly, mouth cool on your hot skin, “And you’ll cum on his cock, and then you’re gonna take mine, how does that sound pretty girl.”
“Don’t wanna hear shit about you from other fuckin’ pros,” Bakugou growls, “Don’t wanna hear you gave ‘em the fuckin’ time of day, you’re goddamn ours now.” You nod pitifully, barely able to stay conscious under their careful ministrations. “You wanna cum?” He snaps and you nod, whimpering. “Whaddya think, bastard, should she get to cum?”
“Hmmm,” Shouto sighs, slowing his attention to your clit. “Surely not until she’s pleased both of us.”
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