summary: having the twins come to see joe perform for tame impala meant the world to him, but sadly, it was at the price of a sleep-deprived mother and overwhelmed infants.
c/w: existing relationship, angsty w/ pure love like plz everything will be fine, dad!joe, husand! joe, the timeline of the tame impala & djo tour !!
pairing: joe keery x oc/reader
i kept wondering what went on in joe's head. this was such a big dream of his. from being kevin's biggest fan to going on tour with him. i was way past proud of him, i was ecstatic for him.
it had been 7 months since the twins were born. joe had been over the moon about the little boy and girl, he still couldn't believe they were his. that this was his life.
the moment that i had found out about the tour with kevin, i immediately wanted to be there for joe. i wanted the twins to see their dad in the spotlight, to see what he is. what he was passionate about. what i didn't fully realize was how hard touring would be with two 7-month-olds, and one fussier than the other. i genuinely think they went in turns, competing over who could be more fussy.
the dressing room door creaked open, and i was already on my feet before I even saw him.
a grin spread across my face as i crossed the room, wrapping my arms around his sweat-soaked frame without a second thought. he laughed, breathless, his chest still rising and falling from the adrenaline of the show.
"hey, baby," he murmured, pressing a quick kiss to the top of my head.
"you were incredible," i said, pulling back just enough to look at him. his curls were plastered to his forehead and the back of his neck, his cheeks still flushed from the stage lights. "the crowd was absolutely insane."
he let out a tired chuckle. "pittsburgh showed up tonight."
"they really did." i reached up, brushing a damp curl away from his face. "my phone is full of videos of you. i think every other person in the arena had the same idea."
joe rolled his eyes playfully. "hope they caught my good side."
i laughed. "you don't have a bad one."
his gaze drifted over my shoulder toward the baby carrier tucked into the corner of the room. celia and august were fast asleep, still wearing their oversized pink and orange noise-canceling earmuffs. their tiny chests rose and fell in perfect rhythm, exhausted after spending the evening swaying to the music from backstage.
joe's entire expression softened.
"they made it through the whole show?" he whispered, instinctively lowering his voice.
"barely. celia kept waving at the lights every time they flashed, and august danced with his little feet until he finally wore himself out." he walked over carefully, crouching beside them. with the gentlest touch, he slipped the earmuffs off celia first, then august, setting them beside the carrier. neither of them stirred. he gave them both kisses on their soft skin.
i was next, he stood up to kiss me, slow and lingering despite the sweat and exhaustion. "best part of every show is knowing you're waiting for me afterward."
i smiled against his lips. "you know," i murmured, "i think you're getting pretty good at this whole rockstar thing."
the hotel room was almost completely dark, save for the warm light above the kitchenette. joe stood in front of me, one hand resting lightly on my arm. "c'mere."
the moment i stepped into him, every ounce of energy i'd been pretending to have disappeared. i melted against his chest, my forehead pressing into his t-shirt as his arms wrapped around me. his embrace was warm and solid, grounding me after hours of noise, lights, and trying to keep two babies happy.
"you've been carrying us all day," he murmured, his hand slowly rubbing circles over my back.
i let out a shaky breath. his fingers slid gently into my hair, scratching lightly at my scalp in the way he knew always relaxed me.
"i saw you rubbing your eyes during the last few songs," he whispered. "you were falling asleep sitting up."
"i didn't want to miss the show."
"you wouldn't have." he leaned back just enough to look at me. "you could've gone back to the hotel. i would've understood."
"i wanted to be there for you."
his expression softened. "you always are."
for a moment, neither of us spoke. the only sounds were the quiet hum of the air conditioner and the faint little sighs coming from the bassinet across the room.
"this is harder for you now. the tour. being here."
i blinked at his words, my eyebrows furrowing. "it's… not harder. it's just…"
"just different," he finished gently, recognizing exactly what i meant. it's not that i didn't love being there; it's that the freedom is gone. instead of drinking and laughing with the guys, i was managing double bottles, soothing overstimulated babies. he smoothed an oversized sleep shirt over my head. "it's overwhelming, baby girl. i know."
joe glanced over at the twins, making sure they were still asleep before looking back at me.
"when was the last time you slept longer than…" he paused, thinking. "three hours?"
i laughed tiredly. "i genuinely don't remember."
"exactly." he frowned. "i watch you every day. you wake up before they do because you're worried they'll need something. you feed them, change them, pack everything before we leave, make sure they're comfortable during the show, and then you're the one trying not to fall asleep while I'm out there."
his voice cracked just slightly with guilt. "and somehow you still ask me if i need water after i come off stage."
a lump formed in my throat. "it's just…what moms do."
"i know." his hand cupped my cheek. "but you don't have to do everything by yourself."
i looked away, blinking back tired tears.
"listen, you're the reason this all works. you and the twins. if it's too much…if i'm too much…we'll go home. fuck the tour. you and the babies are more important."
i shook my head immediately, my bottom lip trembling as tears blurred my vision.
"n-no…" my voice cracked. "y-you can't just do that." i sit up, panic surfacing.
joe didn't hesitate. "i can," he said firmly. "and I would."
his hands stayed on either side of my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears as quickly as they fell. his grip tightened just enough to steady me, to make sure i was looking at him. "if this breaks you…" his own voice wavered. "if you're miserable… then none of it matters, baby. none of it."
he leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead.
"i won't watch you drown just to support my career."
a sob escaped before i could stop it. "but it's your dream."
he closed his eyes for a moment. "you know what my dream was?"
i looked at him through tear-filled eyes.
i shook my head again. "joe—"
"listen to me." his voice wasn't loud. it didn't need to be. "i love music. i love performing. i love being on that stage." he swallowed hard. "but when i walk off every night, the first people i look for are you three."
his eyes flicked toward the bassinet.
"if i had to choose between another sold-out arena…" he whispered, "…or making sure the mother of my children is okay…
fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. he wouldn't give up, he would willingly stop the tour now. “i think we should head home.” i whisper, gesturing to the twins and myself.
he freezed for a moment, his heart stopping in his chest. no more hotels, no more venues, no more late nights and early mornings. he turned me slowly in his arms, looking down at my exhausted face. "you want to leave the tour." it's not a question.
i looked at him with a guilty look. “i don’t want you to leave.” i couldn't have him leave his dream. this was everything he had wanted, i wanted him to stop being stubborn and just let him have this one thing. i would be fine.
his face fell. "you're offering to be home alone," he said flatly, his hands dropping from my waist. "just you and the babies while i tour. you want to stay behind and wait for me until i come back home." he stared at me, the implication clear. he could do it. he could finish the tour without me. but it would kill him; he hasn't gone on tour without me since…it's been years.
“it’s two months. two and a half months, the twins couldn’t possibly make it through this whole thing. i couldn’t.”
the logic hits him instantly. two and a half months. two seven-month-olds. that isn't just difficult; it's impossible. i physically cannot drag twin babies through arenas, hotels, buses, and schedules for months without crumbling. he nodded slowly, understanding exactly what i'm saying. i needed to go home. to stability. to normalcy. he cups my face gently.
"you need to go home," he whispered, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. "not just because you're overwhelmed. because the twins need routines. they need stability. they need… a whole fucking lot that i can't give them on the road." his voice broke slightly.
i wrapped my arms around his shoulders, nuzzling into his neck as my fingers find his hair.
"i know," he murmured immediately, leaning into my touch, eyes closing briefly. this conversation is heartbreaking him, splitting his world between the career he loved and the family he lived for. "two months, mama. you take the twins home. you settle. you get your sanity back. i finish the tour, and i come home." he kissed my forehead.
i rested my forehead on his, feeling tears fill my eyes. i was so sleep-deprived, but guilt weighed me down the most. we were supposed to be there to support him. i was supposed to be there. i let out a deep sigh and feel my lip tremble more.
he wrapped his arms tight around my shaking frame as the tears finally spilled over. he knows this feels like a failure, like giving up. "shh, i know," he murmured against my hair, rubbing my back. "i know, baby."
he held me firm, one hand anchored on the back of my head while the other rubbed firm, slow circles against my spine. he let me break, knowing i've been holding it together for weeks. "it's okay," he whispered against my hair, rocking me gently as i sob. "you're going home, mama. you're going to sleep. you're going to breathe."
"i'm sorry." i whispered against his skin.
"don't," he ordered immediately, squeezing me tighter. "absolutely not. you apologize for nothing." he kissed the top of my head firmly, knowing this guilt was eating me alive. i feel like i'm abandoning him, ruining the tour, failing somehow.
it was about six in the morning when we had to get back into the tour bus the next day. forest hill stadium was where the next show was to be, and about an hour from our house in new york.
the car engine hummed to life as i settled into the passenger seat. august and celia were still asleep in the back, two tiny sleeping bodies in their car seats. joe pulled away from the parking lot smoothly, hands tight on the steering wheel. the streetlights of new york were already flickering to life, casting a warm glow over the sidewalk.
i leaned against the window, exhausted. i sighed, "i hope i don't fall asleep when i get home. i need to keep a good sleep schedule.”
"you're gonna crash," he predicted softly with a soft smile, glancing over at me as he navigated the city traffic. "as soon as you walk through that door and realize you're comfortable? you're going down." he reached over, resting his hand heavily on my knee. "don't fight it, honey. get the twins down, order food, and go to bed. fix the schedule tomorrow."
the familiar streetlights flicker overhead, illuminating the sidewalk where our house sits, waiting.
he pulled into the driveway carefully, the engine cutting off. his lips brushed my hair, barely audible. with gentle hands, he carried me into the house. soft footsteps on the hardwood floor, the familiar scent of home-the faint lavender from when i last cleaned-the cool sheets beneath me as he lays me down.
i feel his weight on the edge of the bed, then his lips on my forehead, my temple, my cheek. "i love you," he whispers, his voice rough, close to my ear. i go to reach for him, but he was already gone to put the kids in their cribs. i heard him move my bags quietly into our room.
he moved quietly through the house, putting the twins down in their cribs with gentle efficiency.
he unloaded my bags into the closet, hanging up clothes, folding underwear, placing jewelry back into their boxes like he's done it a thousand times. his movements were silent, careful not to wake me.
"joe?" i whispered, rubbing my eyes, hearing rustling.
"i'm here, baby." his voice came from the doorway before he was beside me, sitting on the edge of the bed. his hands were warm on my face, thumbs wiping away the faint smudges of leftover mascara. "i'm just making sure everything's set before i go." he leaned down, pressing his forehead to mine. "the twins are down."
i nod, holding onto his wrists. i feel my lip tremble for the millionth time. i was exhausted and stressed, but mostly i felt guilty for leaving him. it felt harder when month after month, we both did nothing but be home with each other and caring for the twins.
"don't," he breathed, reading my expression instantly. his hands cupped my face, tilting my chin up. "this is what we decided." he kissed my temple, lingering there. "you did nothing wrong."
i can't help it. i let out a soft sob and rushed to wrap my arms around him. he caught me instantly, wrapping me tight against his chest, one hand cradling the back of my head while the other pressed firmly against my back.
he rocked me gently, shushing me softly as my body shakes with exhaustion and emotion. "i know, i know," he whispered into my hair, pressing kiss after kiss to my head. "you're okay."
joe leaned into my touch, eyes closing as my fingers thread through his hair. He held me there, breathing with me, waiting until my sobs quieted down. "hey," he murmured against my hair, "you gotta sleep, mama. you're running on empty." he pulled back slightly, thumb brushing away my tears. "i'II text you after the show."
i pull away slightly, nodding. i sniffled as his thumbs wipe the last of my tears away, smudging the dark trails under my eyes. he pressed one last lingering kiss to my lips, soft and slow. "i love you," he said against my mouth, voice rough.
"so much." he pulled back, his eyes lingering on my face like he's memorizing it. "get in the shower, you'll feel better."
i kissed him back, my grip tightening on his shoulders, nodding softly.
i deepened the kiss for just a second, pouring every bit of reassurance i had into it, before gently forcing myself to pull away. he carefully peeled my fingers from his shoulders, pressing a kiss to my knuckles.
"i love you too." i finally said.
his footsteps fade as he went downstairs, the front door opening and closing quietly. then the sound of his car pulling out of the driveway. the house had fallen silent. the twins were asleep. my bags were put away. the shower called, but our bed does more.
