Carpe The Fucking Diem

Native American✌/ Scientist🔬/ Hula Hooper/ Follows back/

[evolanid]

It's true ♡

[itsbarbiebiiittchhhhh]

[evolanid]

I probably just needed a hug. Instead, I'm going into an entirely new career (and tax bracket).

Love that for me. 💯🥰

[evolanid]

Well, I just got out of a very intense 1 month relationship with a guy I met on Tinder. He was such a gentle soul, and I wish we had met at a different time, but I'm sure it would have been the same outcome. I still have a thumb sized bruise on my thigh from us having sex on my birthday. It's faded enough that it's barely visible to the naked eye. And it doesn't hurt anymore. Actually, it just hurts to look at it. Because on my birthday he told me that he still had feelings for his ex and that he wouldn't be comfortable with calling me his girlfriend. I understood completely. It just kind of caught me off guard, I didn't even know how recent his last relationship was (Feb 2025). But I was more shocked that he told me all of this on MY birthday, a day when I wanted to feel special and happy.

I met him a whole 2 weeks after he last saw his ex-girlfriend of 3 years. We went from talking every day and seeing each other every possible minute we could. Cuddling for hours and talking. Our relationship was hardly sexual but, we kissed way more than I think I ever kissed Kunal on the mouth.

When he broke up with me, I texted Kunal 30 minutes later. Kunal responded in under a minute and hardly questioned why I'm interested again. So we used the tickets I bought to surprise Tinder guy. Kunal paid me for both tickets and paid for our 2 drink minimum. Called it a belated birthday celebration for me, which was nice in theory, but the night was specifically planned by me for Tinder guy. I didn't even know the comedians that night, I just did intense stalking and saw that Tinder guy liked one of this comedians post on social media.

My ego, if anything, is a little bruised. I introduced him to my friends, and they all really liked him initially. I'm not sure if I hid it well enough, but I was nervous as hell that he was going to embarrass me in some way. Or say something stupid. I didn't know that he didn't like Chinese food, to the point where he gags when he tries it. Homie paid $45 for a meal he gagged on.

He had a lot of really sweet aspects to him that no one else but me got to see. It's like how it was raining outside, just a little drizzle, and he called me to let me know he was picking me up in the alley. So I could go out my backdoor and not get too wet from the rain. How he opened every door for me and commented when I did the same for him. And how he bought me all my favorite snacks and wine for my first sleepover at his apartment.

I think what happened was real and it was special. I didn't expect to end up liking him as much as I did, and I think from his end, he didn't think he would end up liking me and my friends as much as he did. We were both supposed to be just fun for each other. There was never a chance for us to take things slower than this. Some people just blow out their own candle because they are scared of the intensity of the fire it creates.

[goldcoasthoney]

From the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron

[evolanid]

I met up with Arjun on Friday.

I've been having these awful nightmares about him. The first one I had, I was with a mutual friend and we were looking around an apartment when I open one of the closet doors and I just see Arjun hanging in there. By his neck.

Immediately, I pull him down and untie the noose, then check for a pulse. His eyes are completely open, but you can't see the white parts. It's all red like all of his blood has flooded his brain.

Our mutual friend is just standing there. She is not doing anything and not showing any emotions. While I'm screaming at her to please do something, call the police! Call an ambulance! Help me give him CPR!

She walks away like dismissing everything I'm saying and tells me, "he's gone."

I start sobbing trying to count the CPR compressions and tell Arjun, "I'm sorry. I should've checked on you sooner! You can't die! I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist!" I think at one point I tell him I love him still, I don't really remember.

Tell me why my brain has to traumatize me to this extent just to let me know that I'm over my ex. I've reached closure. Next time, just have Whitney Houston sing me a melody in that fairy godmother outfit from Cinderella.

Anyways, we met up for over an hour, and he is actually doing really great. He quit his job and is basically just traveling for this entire year. I'm proud of him for quitting. I remember during our therapy session, he told us (me and the therapist) that outside our relationship, all he had was work. And that he just planned to throw himself into work to get past our break up.

He stopped drinking coffee, and he's been taking sailing lessons with Alec and started taking Japanese and Spanish lessons twice a week. He's planning on taking a proficiency test at the end of the year.

He has lots of international traveling trips, and I felt compelled to keep most of my thoughts to myself about that. I remember I made a list on my Google maps of all the places he wanted to visit. I think I still have it. It's really great that he's prioritizing himself right now, and it's making me rethink how I'm going about my life at the moment. I am working a job I don't necessarily feel comfortable with anymore.

I was feeling really uncomfortable with the idea of having coffee with Arjun earlier this year. Now it feels like no big deal. It really was a nice time. I just wish I wasn't so awkward.

[evolanid]

6 years ago, I visited Chicago for the first time. I remember thinking about how much I loved it here after 36 hours. I don't miss Arjun anymore but, I do miss all the adventures we used to go on. This was one of them. I woke up excited and ready to explore. And 5 years ago I finally moved here. All on my own. It's still one of the best decisions I've ever made. I thank Arjun for helping me get to this place in my life.

[lizclimo]

[evolanid]

Last month, I went out to a karaoke birthday party with a group of mutual friends with my ex. Arjun showed up, too. I tried talking to him leading up to the event to make things less awkward. But, it was awkward, nonetheless. I realize it's his first time trying to be friends with an ex, so the niceness from him comes and goes very quickly.

I didn't want him to read into any of the songs I sang, but after the way he acted at dinner, I realized. Fuck it! Because there was a girl there that only chose ABBA songs at the beginning of the party, none of us really knew these songs, and you could see everyone growing bored. So, I chose to sing Scrubs by TLC. It was amazing! Everyone except Arjun sang along. And he made a point to not sing any songs with me, even though he knew the song. I felt as though he was trying too hard to make it seem like he wants nothing to do with me, as if him breaking up with me via text a week after a brain injury was not harsh enough.

Anyway, this was the 2nd time we hung out at the same party together. The first time was not quite as awkward, and I even gave him a hug before leaving.

If I'm being completely honest, I was taken aback by how different he looks. He has so much more white hair now than he did when we dated. And when we dated, I always picked out his outfits for him. He has so many cute T-shirts now because of me. But, now you can tell he dresses himself (if that makes sense). I'm going to cry if he threw out that Darth Vader/Leonardo DaVinci shirt I bought him. 😭

Interestingly enough, he's not the only ex I have been back in contact with. However, things went the complete opposite with Cesar. He surprised me for Thanksgiving. I'll make another post about that one.

[evolanid]

Every summer of my early twenties was spent at the local movie theater. I got so close to everyone there that we used to meet up at work just to hang out. I'm so saddened that I just found out one of my most favorite but least sociable coworkers passed away today from breast cancer. 💔 We hadn't talked in years, but I still feel so incredibly sad that she is no longer in this world.

[evolanid]

This summer is going to be the best summer I have ever had in Chicago. 😉

[relatablepicturesofhomersimpson]

[the-watcher-in-the-sky]

[evolanid]

Man. One thing I really miss are the days when I was somewhat closer to my cousins. Back in the day, when I moved home, I had them as my support system. We had fun going to the gym together and meeting up for sushi or coffee. They were my only friends when I had to move back in with my Dad for a few years.

I never truly appreciated how lucky I was to have them. The closeness of my family during that time in my life was the only reason I continued living.

And even when my time living with my Dad came to an end, every time I went home, it was always so nice to see them.

Now all of us are living in separate cities. One in TX, NM, and AR.

Now I'm going home to celebrate my baby niece's 4th birthday.

Time is so precious.

[soberscientistlife]

it NEEDS to be paid for accordingly.

[hismajestythebeggar]

Zooey Deschanel

[evolanid]

I think she's the reason all my girl crushes are named Zooey 😘🫠❤️

[livelovecaliforniadreams]