EvolvingIntrovert

[evolvingintrovert]

Follow Up

I posted not long ago about my stay in the hospital. I went for a follow up last Friday. The doctor didn’t offer any new information. Basically, the only other result the doctors are waiting for is the heart monitor one. I still have to wear the monitor for a few days and then send it out. Then, there is another week of waiting for the result to come in. The doctors so far have not been able to find anything physically wrong with me. Which is a good and bad thing. They have asked if I feel stressed and anxious. The answer of course is yes. (Who isn’t?) This lead to them concluding that maybe what I need is something to help with the stress. This was very frustrating to me because I feel like my issues are a little more complex than that. It was more so bothersome because I had recently read an article on Marie Claire about women’s health. The short version of the article is that women’s health issues are not taken as seriously and the most common recommendation is for women to relax. (That’s not as easy as it sounds). With that being said, the doctor at my follow-up suggested I should take pills that help with stress and anxiety. I turned that idea down very quickly. Personally, I don’t like the idea of taking medication, especially when it comes to things like stress and anxiety. I know it works for some people bur I’ve also seen it not work for others and I don’t want to take that risk. The other suggestion made by the doctor was counseling (therapy). I’m okay with that. It has helped me in the past and see no harm in it. The good thing about the follow-up is at the end when we were leaving the office we saw an informational video on psychogenic non epileptic seizures (PNES). The symptoms described sound like what I have been feeling. It’s safe to say we will be looking into that and see if we can talk to the doctors about it. In the meantime, we just have to patiently wait and see what happens.

[evolvingintrovert]

Chester Bennington's Loss

Last Thursday, the world found out that Chester Bennington was gone. This is hard to imagine for me. I grew up listening to Linkin Park. Their music helped through a lot of things over the years. The loss of my brother, high school disappointments, general feelings when I felt blue. Chester Bennington had a voice that could make you feel the music. It sounded so genuine that it all clicked. He made the music have a soul. There has always been at least one song in each of their albums that spoke to me personally. When I lost my oldest brother, it was Leave Out All The Rest. That song means so much to my mother, brother, and me. It helped us through the pain of our loss. There are many songs I could choose for my high school years. The one that is personal to me in their latest album is One More Light. There was always something I could connect with and I feel that he made it possible. It is sad to think that we will no longer hear his voice. My husband and I had planned to see them in concert this August. They were scheduled to play in Chicago. It’s a little bit of a trip for us but we would have made it happen. That’s no longer happening. I couldn’t believe it when I first found out he had died. I thought my coworker was messing with me. I looked it up, and sure enough the truth was soon staring me in the face. What saddened me the most was knowing how he died. I couldn’t believe it. I had always thought that if any band wouldn’t have a band member die like that, it would be Linkin Park. There songs are so much about breaking through the darkness and blue that it wouldn’t be tolerable for any of them to do that. It hurt me on a personal level. I lost my brother that way. And there’s not a single day that I don’t miss him. It’s never easy. My brother had his reasons. Chester Bennington had his. All that is left for the rest of us is to keep fighting. We all have our demons. Some are easier to overcome than others. It’s a struggle, I know. I’ve been fighting mine for so long that sometimes giving up seems like the better option. It’s not. They have both left voids that will never be filled. It is for us to keep marching on.

If they say Who cares if one more light goes out? In a sky of a million stars It flickers, flickers Who cares when someone’s time runs out? If a moment is all we are We’re quicker, quicker Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do

[evolvingintrovert]

Hospital Stay

Last week, I was in the hospital for a few days. My family and I hoped that in that time, the doctors would have a diagnosis for what I go through. It’s difficult to describe what my “condition” is. I go through moments where I completely freeze up. It’s almost like a state of paralysis. My body is unwilling to move and I can’t speak. I’m aware of what’s going on around me, but I can’t react to it. Last Tuesday, I had one of those “episodes” only this time, my unresponsiveness was more than a few minutes. My husband called 911 and next thing I know, I’m being transferred to the hospital. I’ve gone through these moments for less than a year and I don’t particularly like them. The hospital visit was, in my opinion, supposed to finally give me an answer to what I go through. It didn’t. Doctors were no closer to giving me an answer on the day I was discharged than the day I was admitted. I had tests taken and blood drawn and it was all for nothing. My tests (CT Scans, MRI, blood, EKGs, EEGs) all came back showing that everything was fine. In a sense, that’s a good thing. It means that my health seems to be on the right track. On the other hand, it still leaves me back at square one. I wish I knew what I had (if I have anything) and what I can do to prevent my episodes from happening (or becoming worse). It’s a very frustrating feeling. I have a follow-up on Friday and I’m hoping that the doctors will be able to give me some helpful next steps to take. I’ll post an update at some point. ‘Til next time.

[evolvingintrovert]

Indy Popcon

Hey everyone! I’m super excited to talk about Indy Popcon. This is my third year attending this con and it’s always a great experience. There are always a lot of booths that have a great selection of merchandise and collectibles to look at and buy. I am always on the hunt for anything that is related to Christopher Eccleston as the Ninth Doctor and I am happy to report that I found something this year (See photo #4). There were also some great art displays. My husband and I were really blow away by the Star Wars lego display (Photo #1). There were also some really great special guest. A few of the guest were: Greg Grunberg, Troy Baker, Matt Ryan, Caitlin Glass, Phil Lamar, Jess Harnell, and Richard Horvitz. I’m super excited that Troy Baker was able to autograph my Batman: Arkham Origins game. (Plus, I had my picture taken with him too!) This year’s panel we attended was Twisted Toonz in which Richard Horvitz, Troy Baker, Phil Lamar, and Jess Harnell read scenes from the Princess Bride. (Photo #2) They changed characters and voices for each scene. It was an interesting and entertaining experience. We also experienced something new for the both of us this year. It was the first year ever that we attended an after party. It wasn’t quite what we expected but it wasn’t terrible either. The band playing was Five Year Mission and they sing songs related to Star Trek. I’m not a big Star Trek fan, okay, I don’t think I can call myself a fan. I have seen bits and pieces of the show but not enough to have a conversation about it. Anyway, I may not watch the show but I did enjoy their music. My husband even ordered one of their albums from the library for future listening. I cannot wait for next year’s PopCon! I know it’ll be amazing as always. Til next time!

[evolvingintrovert]

Beauty Files

Today is a quick post. I just wanted to do a beauty post. I don’t think I’ve ever done one on here before. I bought this eyeshadow (and a couple more) last week and I just received it in the mail this week. Let me just say that I love this eyeshadow! It is so bright and glittery. It doesn’t create a lot of fallout which I like. This eyeshadow is from COLOURPOP and the shade is called fantasy. I heard about this brand from my favorite you tuber and I had to try it out. I have three more eyeshadows to try out from this brand and I’m hoping they are as good as this one. I will let you guys know how that goes. Til next time!

[evolvingintrovert]

Long Hiatus

Where do I begin? It's been months since I last posted something. In those months a lot has happened. I got married!!! I had hoped to write about it as the planning progressed but it came to a point where I couldn't. I didn't have the time and honestly, I was stating to lose steam over this blog. The planning was stressful but it's all over now. I moved in with my husband. That has been interesting. It's my first time moving out from my parents so I'm still adjusting to that. I still have the same job. Which is nice. I'm still not sure if I want to keep posting on this blog. I don't know if I can keep doing it on a consistent basis. That has always been my struggle. I can never keep up with my dreams and passions. There is more I'd like to say. I just recently experienced a hard moment in my life but I don't think I can share that at the moment. I apologize for drifting from thing to thing. Normally, I write it all down and then type it but not today. It's just flowing from my mind and heart. I hope you are all doing well. Good night.

[evolvingintrovert]

"Don't be lasagna"

Twelfth Doctor

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New Job!!!

Oh my word! Last week was super busy and it looks like this week is going to be busy as well. Which is a good thing. In the past few weeks I’ve had a lot of downtime (thanks to my old job). And with a lack of a license, there is never much to do, which gets boring after a while. Plus, it can give me the blues sometimes. Hopefully, that won’t be the case anymore! I started my new job last Wednesday! And last Saturday was my last day at my old job! It is super exciting to start a new job that’s related to what I majored in (Criminal Justice). In theory, my job is simple but in practice, its a lot tougher than I thought. I’m a visual security officer for a department store. My job is to radio in any suspicious activity and let loss prevention take it from there. It’s difficult at times because so many people pass through my area that I feel like I lose focus. Also, standing around all shift is a bit of a pain. I have back problems and sometimes they come to the surface during work. I’m hopeful that this job opportunity will be my stepping stone into my criminal justice career!

[evolvingintrovert]

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Sometimes, you have to take it one day at a time

[evolvingintrovert]

Personal Moment

In the past few weeks, I have posted maybe once. There has been a lot going on in my life recently and I’m still trying to process all of it. My grandmother (the one in Mexico) passed away in September. I spent a week in Mexico accompanying my mother. It was very emotional. In less than a year I have lost three of my grandparents. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around it. It has taken an emotional toll on me. I know I have to stay strong despite this. Not for myself but for my parents. They have lost so much and yet they are strong. Yet, even in their strength they have those moments of feeling the loss of their parents. In those moments I need to be stronger. I wish my grandparents could still be with us but I know God had a reason for taking them home. And one day, I will see them again.

[evolvingintrovert]

Untitled

So much to write about and yet not enough time.

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I love my baby!

[evolvingintrovert]

Diary: Life Anxiety

Hello there! So, my internship ended and now I’m not sure what to do next. I have my job, sure, but its not where I want to stay for the rest of my life. I’ve graduated college so I can’t say there will be classes to focus on this year. This is giving me stress and anxiety. For the first time, I’m not sure what to do. My life followed a very simple routine of having classes, then being on summer break, and then having classes again. It wasn’t always easy but I knew what I had to do. Now, as I plan my wedding and look for jobs, life feels uncertain. My questions range from what if I fail the whole marriage thing to what if I never find a job I love? Will my life be passing me by? Is my life passing me by? Sometimes the answers to those questions are reassuring, other times they are filled with negativity. It’s difficult but I’m working on it. This is not the time to feel defeated. There is too much to lose. I’ll update on this issue when the time is right. Until next time.

[evolvingintrovert]

[evolvingintrovert]

Pondering

Sometimes we just need to stop, smile, and enjoy life!

[evolvingintrovert]

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Galatians 6:9

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Diary: Wedding Planning

Wedding planning is both exciting and stressful. In theory, it's simple but in practice it's much harder. My fiancé and I have our minds set on getting married next May and the planning isn't exactly on track. We have yet to pick well....everything. There are ideas of where to have our wedding and which vendors to choose but there is nothing concrete. Partly because weddings are expensive (mostly). It depends on what you do exactly. The good thing is there are many options available when it comes to weddings. The bad part is the stress that comes with so many options. The point is, we are still looking and trying to figure it all out as we go through this process. I will post updates as things progress.