minhyuk is leaving ;
for reference: he left trc, and went back to study film a k-arts. still madly in love with seohyun. as always. happier being able to spend more time with her than being stuck in a music career he wasn’t certain he wanted.

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@ex-rkkmh
minhyuk is leaving ;
for reference: he left trc, and went back to study film a k-arts. still madly in love with seohyun. as always. happier being able to spend more time with her than being stuck in a music career he wasn’t certain he wanted.
MINHYUK’S POINTS CHART: 29/07
singing: 64 (20.3%) dancing: 3 (1.0%) rapping: 64 (20.3%) charisma: 24 (7.6%) creativity: 160 (50.8%)
debut: 35
* note: this is after submitted points posted
My brain has no heart, and my heart has no brain. That’s why when I speak my mind, I appear heartless and when I do what’s in my heart I seem thoughtless.
Unknown (via wordsnquotes)
[150725] cr. the blue
✖ ━━━ 「 TRC SOLO 」8:57PM ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none
As time drew closer to the end of break, Minhyuk didn’t want to hang up the phone on his father, instead he found himself hesitating and drawing out the moment where he would have to say that he had to go. His fingers messed through his hair as he saw another trainee return from their adventure out for food, and he bobbed his head in a shallow motion. His father currently discussing the ending of the latest drama he had watched and how he was disappointed in the couples. Minhyuk could only comment lightly, disagree with his father for the sake of hearing his father defend his position more strongly. The sigh exhaled from Minhyuk’s lips brought his fathers attention back, asking what was wrong and Minhyuk admitting that he had to go; more training.
“I love you, appa. Tell eomma too,” Minhyuk resigned into the phone, teeth bitten over his bottom lip as he shifted; turned to look over at the TRC building. His mind went back to the work out with the other trainee -- everyone goes through it. Doubts themselves. Minhyuk had once before, when he was doing classical music and left to pursue indie music. He was happier with indie. But his fathers voice cut through. “We love you too. We’re proud of you. Fighting Minhyuk-ah!” His fathers exuberant ending was tinged with some sadness. Even if Minhyuk managed to hum and nod in answer; filtering a goodbye through before he was hanging up the phone.
“Minhyuk, did you get anything to eat?” The voice of another trainee cut across, Minhyuk’s gaze darted to see the female trainee by the TRC entrance and lingering as she looked over at him. The twenty-one year old nodded his head, phone dug into his pocket as he moved towards her, jogged the last of the way and joined her to go inside. “Did you?” Minhyuk returned the question as they headed for the performance evaluations. A smile was drawn on her lips as she bobbed her head and he watched her stroke her stomach with a sense of pride. “We went out for bulgogi, you should come with us next time,” she whispered this as a secret, which seemed to delight her more and Minhyuk felt the tug of thought of get scolding if the coaches found out.
“Maybe,” Minhyuk responded lightly, a smile politely held on her lips as he rubbed the back of his neck.
They were soon met by other trainees. The energy from the break seemed to bubble through most of the trainees, leaving Minhyuk to linger on the edge. Did they have their doubts? Did they question their choices? They all looked determined to Minhyuk. TRC was filled with determined and hard-working trainees; Minhyuk should have felt at home. He didn’t understand why he didn’t.
✖ ━━━ 「 TRC SOLO 」8:12PM ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none
There was a certain kind of assuredness that came when dinner time rolled in, and that was that most of the trainee’s would be in the cafeteria or out looking for food. Minhyuk, on the other hand, found himself filling his stomach with a snack as he dialed in his fathers number and sought a quiet place just outside the TRC walls. Every second or third weekend, he still went to see them for a dinner, or to briefly catch up with them; he didn’t want to be the boy he was when he was younger. The one who hugged them for five seconds in the morning, and again five seconds at night as they helped him go to bed. Missing people was a condition that had little to do with physical distance, and Minhyuk felt it most with his parents and with Seohyun. That even if he could sit across from them, beside them, with them -- he wasn’t truly there anymore. His mind was wrapped up in what he would do tomorrow, and then he would be consumed by a need to sleep.
“Son, what’s wrong? Has something happened?” The urgent voice of his father was what greeted him, and that caused an uneasy laugh to come from Minhyuk’s lips as his shoulder pressed into the wall outside and he shook his head. The last visit he had with his parents, his mother wouldn’t let him leave until he ate everything and took the rest home with him; they even asked him to stay the night instead. They were worried and Minhyuk wanted to soothe their concern. He was okay -- or at least, he wanted to appear that way. “Nothing, appa. I’m at dinner. I wanted to call you,” Minhyuk reassured his father whose sigh into the phone weighed heavily on the trainee.
Were his parents that worried?
“Have you eaten? Did you eat plenty? Someone said they put all the trainees on diets and all they can eat are nuts,” his father’s concern trickled through more, and Minhyuk didn’t know whether to laugh at the image of his father thinking he lived on nuts, or to feel worse that his father believed it even though they saw one another. The last subsequent fact was that some companies did put their trainees on diets, and he’d seen them around TRC. “I’m healthy. Have you and eomma eaten? I’m supposed to be the one asking if you ate, appa. Don’t take away my job,” Minhyuk joked lightly, a light breath exhaled; he didn’t like hearing his father worry. His father was the one who usually wrestled him and told his mother that bumps and bruises were a badge of honor for true men.
Minhyuk’s brown orbs rose and fell as he heard his father answer that they’d both eaten; hearing the man sound less worried as the conversation drew on made Minhyuk feel at ease. His parents didn’t deserve a son who made them worry so much; he’d done that enough when he ran away. He didn’t want to do it anymore.
#nowplaying 유승우, 타린 (바닐라 어쿠스틱) - 너 그리고 너
* Yoo Seung-woo, Tarin (Vanilla Acoustic) - You and You
150724 Seohyun by hyunshine628
✖ ━━━ 「 TRC SOLO 」5:58PM ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none
Lulls were not something Minhyuk often dealt with; a tendency to overflow with creativity rather than lack, Minhyuk was once again going over the same song he had been working on for over a month now. Time had been sparse for him to truly sit down with it -- but he might have been getting picky over the lyrics and the arrangement from the continuous thrashing of the piece of work. That happened to Minhyuk when he held a song for too long; he began to diverge and twist it into something else. It was when there was a knock at the door, Minhyuk raised his gaze from the page that he was jotting down notes on and looked over at the fellow trainee. A smile on his lips in response to seeing them. Minhyuk had asked them to come sing the song; their voice suited it far better then his did. The notes were not safely in the range that Minhyuk liked to sing within and he knew TRC had better singers than he was.
“Minhyuk-ah. So where’s this song?” The trainee, Tae-soo, asked as he slipped into the room and Minhyuk found himself shifting through the pages to find the copy he had settled with last night; the edits he’d made today forgotten. The twenty-one year old soon handed over the sheet, nervousness bitten into his bottom lip. “Here. It’s pretty much done. That’s what the lyrics should be,” Minhyuk explained as he glanced over his own hand writing. All of his compositions were done by hand, written and written again; his name tagged in the corner with dates and signatures. A slight obsessiveness on his part, but he hoped no one would notice -- Tae-soo didn’t seem to. Instead Minhyuk was left studying the others expression as his eyes ran back and forth.
‘So what do you think’ -- was in the back of Minhyuk’s throat.
“This is good. Who’d you write it for?” Tae-soo’s sudden question threw Minhyuk, whose impulse was to say Seohyun and he had to swallow down the name as he shifted to catch himself before he blurted anything out. A hasty shake of his head, an anxious twist of the pencil around his fingers and he looked away then back. “No one. I just wrote it,” Minhyuk defended, trying to hide the guilt he felt with the denial. He didn’t want to pretend Seohyun wasn’t the reason for the song, for the lyrics; that she wasn’t his inspiration. “Really?” Tae-soo sounded doubtful.
“It’s just for a girl I like,” Minhyuk admitted in seconds and then shook his head; a girl he loved. His brows raised as he played with the sheets he was working on and refocused on what they were doing. “So do you think you want to sing it? I want to record it.”
✖ ━━━ 「 TRC SOLO 」3:05PM ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none
Every step was made with the usual uncertainty by Minhyuk; dance was still his worst skill. A fact that he continued to try and hide by picking a spot in the back of the class and fumble through his attempts to be better at it than he was. His body felt clunky and overextended as he tried to match what they were being learnt; his teeth sinking more than once in his bottom lip as he knew the steps and there was a disconnect between his brain and his feet. He thought one thing, and they produced something not even half the same as he imagined it to be. In his mind, he could be the best dancer; meet every movement and step with a vigor -- but the reality of the situation had his heart sinking a little lower. The sound of his name ricocheted a cold chill through his body. Minhyuk had realized hearing his name during dance class was hardly any good.
“--watch me. Minhyuk--” The hushed voice of the trainee next to him made Minhyuk’s gaze dart up from the usual concentration on the floor at his feet.
The younger trainee smiled brightly at him, slowly down the beats even more and mouthing the count through them. Panic tumbled through the male for seconds as he stared at the trainee who was easily better dancer than he was, the casualness in which they moved through the steps--even at a slowed pace--radiated a confidence that Minhyuk didn’t have. A second of consideration, before he was following the other trainee instead of the rest of the group. Each step was one with a hesitated participation by Minhyuk. He felt like one of those boys in school who would sit in the back of class and play around; the ones who never quite liked him that much. Scholarship kid. But they never did more than leave him to feel excluded. Minhyuk was the school’s pride.
“You’re getting it,” the hissed voice again, and Minhyuk’s features on crinkled in response.
He didn’t feel as if he was getting it; he didn’t feel as if he was any closer to being able to dance comfortably. Still, he persisted. The trainee next to him working him through the steps at a far slower pace and Minhyuk more than once flinching when he felt the coaches gaze on him. If TRC could give detentions or send a note home to his parents, Minhyuk was certain they would have. He’d never experienced either while he was at school; he was still certain he would have enjoyed neither.
✖ ━━━ 「 TRC SOLO 」10:23AM ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none
Trepidation filled Minhyuk when he heard himself go off-key, his whole body cringed in response to the mistake and he could feel everyone pause with an uneasiness at the truth of the fact. He didn’t know how much time he spent practicing, he was never going to reach that note -- but he couldn’t tell the vocal coach that. He’d already seen one of the other trainee’s get scolded for using excuses not to work hard, thinking they would get an easy ride, and that they should either practice until they get it. No matter how much Minhyuk improved his singing, he couldn’t help but feel as if he remained average in his vocals. Something about that left him unsettled; he didn’t know how to handle being average. He didn’t know what to expect when the vocal coach called him out on his error; he didn’t know how to resign himself in that place of imperfection in front of his peers.
“Minhyuk, have you been practicing?” The vocal coach began, the rhetorical question hung in the air as Minhyuk felt his hands sweat. Flashbacks from when he was six years old and made an error in his piece. Before he’d entered TRC, he thought classical musician teachers and tutors were the scariest people to face after he had not done something perfectly. But Minhyuk was beginning to find that even TRC had those few coaches who could make his heart tremble in his chest and his teeth sink into the inside of his cheek as he nodded his head in a meek response. “It doesn’t sound like you’ve been practicing at all. I told you to get that note -- but you sound worse than you did last week. You’d expect improvement if someone was practicing, wouldn’t you?”
Eyes squeezed shut, head lowered as he nodded again.
“Do you think if you keep failing that I’ll let it go? You can get that note -- I know your voice better than you. Get that note by next week,” the coach finished with a sharp determination and Minhyuk swallowed the wish to disagree. He wasn’t going to get that note, the vocal coach didn’t know his voice better then he did -- he practiced it every chance he could. His brown orbs lingered on the space of the ground before him, his fingers curled and rubbed together, his teeth chewing the inside of his cheek as he nodded his head again. There was nothing else he could do -- he wanted the coach to move on from him.
✖ ━━━ 「 TRC SOLO 」6:37am ◯ ( soundtrack ) ━ ♦ none
There was already a bead of sweat on Minhyuk, the male’s hands clasped on the edge of the surface as he continued to count his push-ups. Despite how some of the trainee’s felt, Minhyuk enjoyed the workout right after lunch. Usually during breakfast he was still half asleep, this woke him up and he was still quite determined to have a six pack by the end of the year. If there was any time to obtain it, it would be while he was a trainee. The twenty-one year old letting his body sink low, before pushing himself back away; arms straightened as he added another digit to his growing number. There was a certain pride that came to Minhyuk when he realized the growth in number from when he had first joined TRC. No matter how much he could pretend he was mature about this who situation, hearing one of the other males later talk about how they did more, made Minhyuk work harder.
He wasn’t competitive -- under usual circumstances.
Once he’d finished the push-ups, he was soon holding down the feet of one of his sunbae’s, the other trainee performing a number of crunches as Minhyuk he’d them in place. “So -- how -- are -- you -- finding -- TRC -- ?” The question came in greetings of the trainee’s face as they pulled themselves up and Minhyuk tightened his hold on their legs. Not many people asked that question, and the male would admit to himself he didn’t know; he couldn’t tell if he was happier being a trainee, or if he missed studying film. There was a certain pang of an ache when he saw Seohyun, when they talked about studying, when he woke up after falling asleep on her. They used to attend the same school every day, and now he was here, in a heated mental battle to get a six pack. There was a shallowness in there; as if he’d lost direction somewhere.
“I...” Minhyuk started after seconds of thought, glancing around for a distraction. “Don’t really have time to think about it.”
The other trainee paused, panting and looking at Minhyuk before there was a shrug. “Everyone goes through it--” Miinhyuk’s gaze darted to the other in a slight panic. “--not knowing if it’s worth it,” the trainee finished as he sunk back to continue the work out.
Minhyuk truly didn’t think that helped; it only left his mind filled with questions and distracted for the rest of the session. If it was what made him happy, he shouldn’t have questioned it; to him at least. This only made him doubt his decision a little more.
Minhyuk and Jungshin carrying one another for the wedding mission
The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.
Paulo Coelho (via wordsnquotes)
When the mc talked about Chanyoung and Bona…
late night suffering ; kmh & jea
Was he just trying to be nice or was he experiencing some vision problems? Eunae’s interpretation of Touch was horrible. There really was no other way to describe it. Or maybe Minhyuk thought she wasn’t so bad because he was having such a hard time himself. Which was both uplifting and sad, in a way. She really wanted to help him, and hopefully this would give her the little push she needed in the process. When he finall admitted what his real problem was, a wave of compassion passed through her. Just how much she understood him… unbelievable. But it was kind of impossible to think for even a second that a guy like Minhyuk couldn’t channel his sexy self. He always seemed very secretive, but as far as physical appearance played a role in this, he had this part right. Eunae had to admit that imagining him dancing to Touch with new found confidence was a funny thought, it just… wasn’t the image everyone had of him and it was alright. It was totally alright! He didn’t need to tear his shirt apart in order to be manly. And she certaintly didn’t need to move her butt around in order to be feminine… she had nothing against those who were skilled at those kind of things, but it simply wasn’t her thing.
He obviously looked uncomfortable with all of this and she could only agree. It was embarrassing to say the least. But the fact that both of them were more than uneasy made Eunae just a bit more confident in herself. “Yeah! If we can at least manage to get those parts right, we should look… decent.” She could only laugh it off. They were struggling, but the trainee had decided to just stop whining and feeling sorry for herself. They would succeed! With a little acting performance… with sudden determination, she turned to face the mirror and stood next to Minhyuk, staring at his reflection. “Ready?” inquired the girl, bouncing her feet just to warm up a little bit. “Come on, we can do this!” She raised her hand, waiting for the other guy to high five it. Or maybe not… he was probably not in the mood? “Uh… should we do it with or without music?”
There was relief when Eunae agreed to start at the chorus with him, and his reason for it -- anything to get past the awkwardness of confessing his fears. The fact was that he didn’t truly tell anyone about the concern over his appeal; but being around the TRC trainee’s, some of them simply had it and that only pressed in that he didn’t. It was an insecurity for Minhyuk, even in his relationship with Seohyun, he wondered if he was simply not masculine or sexy, and whether Seohyun liked that or not. He’d gotten plenty jealous over comments he made about other guys. He still had a daydream about showing off a six pack in front of Seohyun. But none of that was truly a problem when it came to Touch. A six pack was not going to help him here. “Yeah. Everyone will hopefully be looking at someone else and then we can... do very good.. aeygo?” Minhyuk offered his plan for the day, which was to hide during the dance and then win over with cuteness later on. He was far more comfortable with that.
Eunae’s energy and determination brought Minhyuk some of his own back. he almost flinched at her suddenly raising her hand, until it clicked that she was offering a high five. An awkward laugh as he brought his own up to return it, a little weakly due to his sheepishness. “Alright. Let’s do this,” Minhyuk tried to sound more energetic about it. Maybe the connection that shared in their struggle made him feel a little more at ease, or simply her energy did. “Let’s do it with music? It might help us?” Minhyuk suggested, but mostly he was thinking it would make him focus more on the dance and less on whether Eunae was watching him dance. He took steps away to go turn on the music, clicking the button, before he jogged back to his place next to Eunae and wore an uneasy smile on his lips for seconds as the first beat played on it. As soon as it clicked on, his gaze fell down to his feet and he took a deep breath. His hands wrung as he tried to shake the nervousness. “You count us in?” He asked as the song worked through the first verse and moved for the chorus.