‘In spite of the fact that we don’t live in the same city and that we don’t see each other regularly like a “normal” couple, he’s the person I come to when I’m not in a good position – not necessarily sad or homesick – when I need someone, he’s there. I don’t really go to people. It’s weird. I’m being more human now, and that’s nice.’
You said you don’t see each other in the same regularity as a “normal couple”. Do you think you two aren’t a “normal couple”?
We aren’t. I take that as a fact, we both talked about it. (She laughs)
I feel lucky, kinda blessed about that. I was dating someone else when I came to France and he used to consume all my time and I just didn’t want to think about anyone else after that. What I find beautiful about me and Rodrigo is that we always find a way.
Do you feel that eventually you will have to find a “harder” way?
Not really, it’s just a matter of efforts. If I still feel the same and if I’m still convinced – and now I know as a matter of fact that I want him in my life for as long as possible – I won’t think it will be “harder” or “easier”, it just will be. I kinda like it the way it is. We talked about it. He’s got lots of things to do in Brazil when he goes back and so do I in Colombia. I think if I had a boyfriend in Colombia and I had to face a routine in university, it would be very stressful for me to try to find a time for everything at the same time. If Rodrigo does his life and I do mine and we eventually catch up at some point, it makes much more sense. Probably it won’t make sense for anyone else, but for us it does.
Are you confident that you can work this out together?
Yeah. I’ve always been really imaginative. I like to make myself believe that things will happen and then somehow life tends to let me down or whatever, but he gives me the confidence to think that this time it can work.
Did you expect to meet someone that would have the same effect that Rodrigo has in your life before coming?
I didn’t. This is stupid, but I really thought I would continue with the relationship I had – the one I wasn’t happy in - but I was actually sort of forcing myself to do that. It was a compromise with someone else other than me. I was doing it because I thought that if I kept going with that, eventually one day it would become the thing I wanted to be.
If you were to say something to Rodrigo right now, what would you say?
We've always been telling each other what's is going on, whether it's fear or hope or even any nonsense thing whatsoever, but I mean, if I were to tell him one thing it would be that he will probably never understand what it is that he represents in my life. I've never been good trying to express complex emotions or complex anything, really. But he's a person who I trust enough to do anything with, he's my best friend, and one of the people I've been completely open with. I mean, normally at some point I'm somehow always avoiding something or keeping my opinions about an specific thing because I'm just reserved in a way, or I just dont like to deal with their response, even more when you find yourself “dating” someone, you're always walking carefully so you don't mess up, or I don't know, that's how it seemed to be for me, all squared. What's awesome about him is that he still feels like a friend - isn't that how it's supposed to be, though? - I don't feel that I'm risking anything by being transparent and he knows that he can be it too, and that's how it works for us. So basically, he'll never really get what he means to me because I don't know how to say it, not even in Spanish, but I’ve got time and my ways for him to understand it. I really want to keep this going.
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