you can forgive yourself now

rj / winter soldier.

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

“It seems like it will be fair, then, both of us have the same probability to win,” he grinned, when someone that didn’t play it a lot, played with someone that did it often, they certainly would lose, as the other person had more practice, but when you two people that were rusty played together, either one could win, “I guess I do know a bit about it, so I can take us there,” he smiled, he just recently got back to the city, but he probably still knew his way around.

“Which makes is more interesting.” RJ didn’t know how competitive he was exactly, but was looking forward to figuring it out. This was the chance to really be a normal kid, BOWLING was practically innocent. He walks alongside the older man as they go to find their way to where their fun would be taking place. “You live in the city long?” Small talk wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

Despite the fact that he didn’t have a lot of time to actually do fun things, he could think about a few options, because he had heard people talking about their experiences, maybe they would also like the same things that said people did? “I heard bowling is really fun, haven’t really done it, but it seems to be something nice,” he admitted, he always wanted to try it, but before being sent back to the Phantom Zone, he didn’t have a lot of time.

“I’ve never been bowling either so it can be new for the both of us.” Which is perfect for as the boy is concerned — only having heard about the activity in passing. OF COURSE he was never allowed to have actual fun. Now though everything was different, and he hopes his new friend has more of an idea of how to get to a bowling alley than he does. “After you then, I don’t know this area too well.”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

It was part of his nature to help people, and he knew the other was telling the truth, and that he wasn’t a bad person. He listened to his heartbeat, and it was how he knew when someone was being honest or not, “We can make it happen then,” he knew that the promise could be difficult to keep, but he would try his hardest, and he would do everything possible for him not to get hurt, and to protect him from whoever he talked about, “Sure, do you have anything in mind?”

The boy doesn’t want to put anyone else in danger as he knows what the organization is capable of, but having people in his life willing to put themselves on the line to protect him would make RJ some sort of emotional he will admit. “Unfortunately no, I was hoping you had ideas. I lack the life experience to know what’s typically considered FUN, just that I want to experience it, you know?”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

When you’re a kid, you usually listen to what your parents say that it was right, so maybe if Clark hadn’t found Chris, he really would do what his parents sent him to do, he would really infiltrate in Earth’s society, but thankfully, Clark found him, so he wouldn’t ever find out whether he would really do it or not. “I get that,” he nodded, he wouldn’t ever want to be evil either, “Me too, I’m glad that we will be friends, and I will really look out for you,” he would protect him if the person that raised him, tried to do anything to him.

It felt NICE having someone in his corner that doesn’t want anything happening to him. RJ doesn’t have many people in his life like that, and now he has a genuine friend. “I would really like that.” He grew up wondering why he wasn’t allowed to behave like other children — why he couldn’t play outside or attend public school. RJ knows better now though, and can make up for all the missed experiences. “We should go do something FUN.”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

People didn’t have to be what they were raised to be, what they were born to be. It was what he always thought, just because you were told that you were supposed to be bad, just because you were raised by a villain, that didn’t mean you actually had to be one. Unfortunately, sometimes, people like him, end up thinking differently, because they were taught that was the right thing, but fortunately, sometimes they found out that they were wrong, and were able to change, “I’m glad that you can see that now,” he smiled widely at him, “Thanks,” another smile, this time a more shy one, because of the compliment, “Yeah, I would really like that.”

It was difficult when you were raised by villains to think that you had to mimic their mindsets. RJ thought that he was supposed to do everything that Colt said, and when you’re six years old that doesn’t leave you with much of a choice. He got older and saw the other side  of things was BETTER, and now he was just trying to be a better person. “I’m glad too. I wouldn’t want to be like that anymore. I don’t have many friends so that sounds great. I’m glad. We can look out for each other.”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

The other seemed nice, and he knew that he wasn’t lying, one of the perks about being a walking lie detector. People couldn’t ever trick you, they could try, but he would find out, so people couldn’t ever fool him. He always listened to the person’s heartbeat when he just met them, it wasn’t anything personal, he just had a hard time to trust anything someone say when he didn’t know them, “Me too, you seem a nice person to have around,” he told him with a smile, he could be shy in some situations, but it was not that hard for him to make friends, “I would like that yeah,” one more friend to his list, didn’t have a bad side, in his opinion, “Nice meeting you, my name is Chris,” he held the other’s hand and shook it.

The boy wasn’t always this NICE, before getting a chance to escape from HYDRA there was a more violent attitude toward his actions. He never realized how wrong it was until too late, the control his handler held over his actions having been there for a while. RJ escapes though, REFUSING to hurt anyone else that was innocent. “Thank you — this is who I am underneath the brain washing THEY put me through. I LIKE BEING NICE. You are too.” He says with a smile, looking up at the boy, shaking his hand. “It seems like maybe we can be friends then, Chris. What do you think?”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

“No, no one should, but unfortunately, a lot of people do,” it wasn’t something that just people that weren’t humans like Chris, had to deal with, wasn’t an alien thing, a lot of humans also did similar things to their kid. It was sad to think that someone that should treat you well and love you unconditionally, can treat you so badly like their parents did, “Yeah, I get that,” his parents tried a lot to make him be like them, to make him be evil, but the boy had always had a soft and warm heart, “But you don’t need to hurt innocent people to be loved, and I’m glad that you know that now,” he smiled at him, “It’s fine, I don’t mind listening, people always say that I’m a good listener, so you can talk about your problems to me.”

It was a lot for RJ to deal with, the only parent he ever knew died when he was just five years old. He went through the foster system, and got unlucky. His foster parents gave him over to HYDRA and his life was over after that. His life didn’t belong to him anymore — the age six and being taught how to fight. He was happy to have broken free of his abusers, and that organization. Although he’s sure they’ll look for him eventually. “It’s nice to have a friend in you then. It’s unfortunate that so many go through this, but at least we can have each other? I’m RJ. No last name, just RJ. They took my last name from me.” He introduces with a hand extended out to shake. He doesn’t trust often so this was him trying.

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

Having abusive parents was not something that he liked to have in common with anyone, because he knew how it was, how painful it was, and he didn’t wish that on anyone, “I know how that is,” he was lucky enough to be adopted by the Kent family when he was on Earth, but he spent practically his whole childhood having to deal with that, “It takes time, they were wrong though, you deserve to be treated kindly, you’re not worthless.”

When you’re raised in such an abusive situation — manipulated in any way that his handler felt was right. All they had was a goal at the end of it all, and he was so young not realizing that what was happening wasn’t okay. Not until he was older than he is now. “I’m sorry that you know what the experience is like. No one should have to go through what we have.” He was afraid of someday possibly having to go back of Colt found him. “You think so? I was made to think to be loved you would have to hurt innocent people to be worth something, but I learned how wrong that was. He wasn’t my father — he was my guardian, raising me, but he never acted like a father should. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to unload on you.”

[expiatcs]

gclden-glider‌:

“Believe me I understand more than I usually admit to. Though in my case it was my father.” She pauses for a moment to gauge just how deep she wanted to be involved in this situation. Though she saw her reputation as her first line of defense, she knew what he must be feeling and she couldn’t turn her back on him. “If your anything like me you also haven’t really eaten or slept much within the past week right?”

”Yeah it sounds right. I have somewhere I can stay sometimes, but I try not to eat much. I usually only ate when I was told. I forget sometimes because I can just make that decision for myself. I’m sorry you know what that’s like though, no one should.” RJ admits with a frown as he pushes through the emotions. “He wasn’t my father, just a guardian — my handler more specifically.”

[expiatcs]

gcblins‌:

Glancing at the fabric that was temporarily stained, Harry shrugged. There was definitely a part of him that cared, at least a bit, that he was going to have to push his morning agenda back again to accommodate for the collision. But, the repercussions for being rude to the other would be far more of a risk than reward, especially since just hours prior, RJ had caught him stupidly lip-locked with his own assistant. Granted, she was more than just that, but no one else knew that… except them, and now, probably him, too. Still, being aware of the consequences seemed to override any impulsive response that could have crossed him. “Seriously. Don’t worry about it,” he reassured, swirling the small amount of leftover coffee that was in the cup for a moment, then quickly chugging the liquid. Gaze returning to the boy, Harry studied his expression for a moment as he spoke. If anything, Harry should be the one asking to do anything to make up for their previous encounter, to keep the secret between the three of them, so to hear him asking instead caught him by surprise. “Ruining my coffee fix makes up for it. I probably need to stop drinking that shit… get some actual rest.” That’s what everyone else seemed to keep preaching at him, anyway. “Plus, this gives me a chance to make sure I didn’t leave anything important behind this morning. Win-win situation.” Rarely did he actually forget anything work-related at his own penthouse, but he didn’t need to know that. Either way, he wasn’t prepared to let him feel any sort of guilt for a shirt that could easily be washed or replaced, at worst. 

The day just keeps getting more awkward — the two of them had met earlier when RJ walked in on Harry and Felicia kissing. He was a supportive friend, although it was just unexpected to stumble into. He doesn’t really know anything about relationships or how they work — having been raised that he wasn’t worth being loved so he never get it platonic or otherwise. Felicia was the first person who ever cared for him and showed him kindness so he was quite attached — seeing her like an older sister almost. It was an awkward way to meet Harry, and now he’s ruined his shirt. “You’re sure?” It was still amazing almost that he can make mistakes and not be punished for it. “I hear caffeine can be addictive.” RJ smiles slightly, trying to relax his shoulders. “Well that’s good. I’m glad it works out? I usually make better first impressions — I swear.”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

Chris thought about asking him why he was so sure that someone was after him, but decided not to do it, because he knew it could be something personal, and they just met. “I noticed… You really did seem pretty scared and on edge,” he admitted, if he wanted to tell him why, he could, and Chris would be willing to listen to him, “Yeah, of course, I have no reason not to be kind, you didn’t treat me badly, so I don’t see why I would treat you that way.”

How could he not be on edge? Scared was an emotion he didn’t like to feel, but he hopes that they truly weren’t coming after him yet. He didn’t even get to really do anything with his freedom yet! “I’m just — I was raised to believe I wasn’t worth anything. I had to earn being treated kind.” He wasn’t proud of admitting that, but that was his normal for so long. “I’m trying to shake it, but it’s hard when you were told that for many years.”

[expiatcs]

gcblins‌:

Occasionally, Harry would make his own coffee run before going into the office, and this just so happened to be one of those mornings. Clearly exhausted, he was starting to question his own decisions outside of the office, turning the corner. Bodies colliding, his eyes closed tightly as a huffed sigh escaped his lips, coffee soaking through the white shirt that clung to his torso. Excellent start. Without a second thought, Harry unbuttoned the shirt, sliding the material from his body to drape over his shoulder. “I’m fine.” There was a jolt of frustration running through him, but he couldn’t tell if it was due to the collision or the exhaustion. “Are you?” 

There was a feeling of guilt as he realizes that the man’s shirt was completely ruined. He doesn’t have the money to replace it, and he looks important — the fabric probably costs more than he would ever be worth. “You’re sure? I’m sorry about your shirt.” He says with a frown, looking at it then back to his face. “I’m okay.” He might just be paranoid, but he turns looking at the crowd making sure that MAN wasn’t there staring him down. “Is there something I can do to make up for what I did to your shirt? I don’t have any money, but I’ll do anything.”

[expiatcs]

ofnightwings‌:

Whenever someone bumped into him, he was always worried that they got hurt, because of his invulnerability. People described before that it was like bumping into a wall, his powers may not be as strong as normal Kryptonians’, but he was still pretty powerful, he was able to win in a fight before with one of them,  not to mention he had more powers than they did, for example the ones he got when he emerged with Nightwing entity. “I think no one is following you, I at least haven’t seen anyone,” he assured the other, “I’m okay, how about you?”

There’s a relief as he can relax his shoulders. He might have just been seeing things, as he could have sworn someone kept popping up everywhere. This made him worry that Colt was sending agents after him — too afraid to do it himself? He shakes the thought from his mind though. “I’m okay, thanks for asking. I’m just a little freaked out, but I’ll be okay. You were really kind about this so thank you for that too.”

[expiatcs]

gclden-glider‌:

“I’m fine, but you look like you need to take a few deep breaths.” She responds. Her tone calm and unaffected in hopes it would influence him to calm down as well. Lisa glances around him to survey the scene, not immediately spotting anyone suspicious. “Who did you think was after you anyway?”

”I don’t know, never learned everyone’s name.” RJ doesn’t know all of the agents that were with the organization, but he worries that maybe he was just paranoid. “I do need a few breaths. I could be seeing things, but there’s someone that used to be in my life that I’m trying to avoid. He has people at his disposal so I was worried one of them was after me.”

[expiatcs]

The boy is racing around the corner much too fast, the worry of someone following him. He doesn’t know if they’re really there, but a face looking too familiar everywhere he goes makes him a little nervous. His head turned behind him as RJ ran, only to nearly bump into someone once turning back to look where he’s going as he went around said corner. “I’m sorry! I thought someone was following me. Are you alright?”

[expiatcs]

ofspeedsters‌:

He swept his fingers through his hair looking the guy over, no apparent injuries, good. He peered intently at his facial expressions for any signs of distress. He could just verbalize his lingering concern and ask a ‘ you okay ? ‘ but he simply didn’t manage to do it nor did he delve into it. “We do make a great team, I mean, I did do most of the work though” he added with a playful show of haughtiness. Once he’s done wrapping up other crooks all prettily for the police – he so intended on making an anonymous call to the station – Tommy shrugged and gestured at both their outfits “ some food would be great but we better change real quick, ditch your weapons too, unless you wanna do a lil picnic under the moonlight? Then i could just make a quick trip and grab us some food. Actually, the picnic idea sounds lots better but I’m not the dictating type. So you tell me what’s on your mind and we’ll do that tonight.”

RJ rolls his eyes playfully as he was tying their wrists up. “Not all of us have super speed.” He was never given the serum to be turned into a super-soldier, wondering if that would have happened later on during his lessons. He doesn’t want to think about that possibility, okay with what he’s become an expert at. He’ll take his marksmanship and tactical mind. He blushes again, but he could go for some food. Under the moonlight? He’s never done such a thing, but he likes the idea of this. “I hear they usually eat sandwiches on picnics, but we should spice it up. Pizza?” He asks as he pulls the domino mask off of his face, tucking it into one of his pockets. RJ walls out of the building, and looking around at their surroundings. “Think we can find a good spot in the park?”

[expiatcs]

ofspeedsters‌:

He had a fleeting smirk on his face when he smoothly slid his way into the warehouse, RJ sure knew what he was doing. He liked how they worked as a team. The term of ‘endearment didn’t sound all that bad either. Quick to get a visual of RJ he sprung into action, sweeping people off their feet and while he punched some out he trusted RJ to take out the rest and cover him.

Once nearly every man was knocked out or groaning in immense pain or was laying there motionless did he sprint his way to RJ “Hey you, good job back there. Let’s tie them up before the police gets here.”

Once Everyone was taken out he feels pretty accomplished, only having needed a few of his rounds. He puts the gun away, deciding that this whole HERO thing was a lot different than being on the other side. He likes feeling like he could make a difference. His face smiles though when Tommy shows up in front of him again. “Thank you. We make a good team actually you know that?” He says as he starts to to tie up one of the men nearby. He stands up, and starts to walk over to tie up a few more of them. He would be slower at this than Tommy probably would, but once they were done he heads over to the doorway. “We should get out of here. What do you want to do now? The night is still young.”