Ha.

[just-shower-thoughts]

No matter how much time you spend on your phone, it never appears in your dream

[uneventfulness]

[nick-avallone]

my kink is seeing money go into my bank account

[just-shower-thoughts]

Uber and Lyft are exactly what our parents told us not to do when we were children.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Aristotle said “Manly men are attracted to manly things”, and the manliest of things are men. This implies the manliest of men have to be gay

[just-shower-thoughts]

Your future self is talking shit about you

[babe-relax]

broken doll // photographer: Mark Louvier Repost for a follow babe <3

[caylaxmerie-blog]

i wish i hated food as much as i hate myself

[imreallyaverage]

i may not be smoking hot but i sure as hell am smoking pot

[fuckstev-deactivated20240104]

why are people 5’4 and under always full of unrelenting rage

[edgylizard-deactivated20181210]

closer to hell

[circumcisions-deactivated201401]

what men think women love to be called:

babe

baby

sweetie

honey

sexy

what women ACTUALLY like to be called:

lamp shade

broken chair

Samuel L Jackson

dirty dish rag

Mr.Clean

[xhba]

third base is when he sees u cry for the first time

[eyelasheslongerthanyourdick]

me: *wants to live a minimalist life with little to no clutter*

also me: I'm keeping this math assignment from 5th grade I might need it later.

[eyelasheslongerthanyourdick]

Me: *makes a small irrelevant mistake*

My Brain, banging pots and pans together: YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUC

Me: *makes huge mistake that will directly affect my future horribly*

My Brain, lounging on a lawn chair with shades on: ....acknowledged

[eyelasheslongerthanyourdick]

me: please don't panic and overanalyze things again

brain: how bout i do a n y w a y

[pc-engine-duo-deactivated201711]

i hope donkey kong walks into my house and smashes a barrel over my head killing me instantly 

[my-teen-quote]