real eyes realize real lies

just a collection of some of the things I've written

[eyeswideopen1021]

“I could remember every detail about him. How his eyes looked brown far away, but up close they were golden with flecks of green. How he aways tasted like skittles when we kissed. He was pretty much obsessed with them. And how every time we went out for coffee he waited until his drink was almost cold before he would even try it. He claimed it tasted better like that, but I think he just wanted to prolong every moment we had together. He was moving in two months when we started dating, not exactly the perfect set up for a serious relationship. Somehow though, in those two months, he became the only person who knew every single thing about me. So maybe people were right when they said us being together was illogical and impulsive, but they were all wrong when they said it was meaningless. He was one of those special people you never forget. Even now, two years later, I’ll still come back to the same coffee place and wait until my drink is cold. Not because I haven’t moved on, but because that was the first place I learned what love was.”

— Kiannah Joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

“Here I am, sitting alone in my apartment that seems just a bit too big without you here. I’m drinking wine straight from the bottle, and reruns of Friends are playing on the tv. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s the silence of the night, but I can’t get you out of my head. My mind wanders to one of those rare days when had no other plans, and you decided we should drive to the beach. Somehow you just knew I would love watching the sunset with one of my favorite people, on a beach all alone. We didn’t do anything extravagant or crazy like some of our other times together, yet that day is still my favorite memory of you. When I think back to days like that, the way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, it’s hard to understand how we got to where we are now. The secrets you once told me are no longer mine to know. The memories we have together are just that, memories. It’s crazy to think that I used to know your soul and everything in your mind, but now I’m not even sure if you live in the same place you used to.”

— Kiannah Joylinn (via eyeswideopen1021)

[eyeswideopen1021]

“She wanted everything. Some would say she was ungrateful, or spoiled. But anyone who really knew her, knew that wasn’t the case. She wanted love and heartbreak and everything in between. She wanted to see everywhere in the world that was physically possible for a human to see. She wanted happiness and fulfillment in her life. So yes she did want everything, but only a few were things.”

— Kiannah Joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

“I could have sat there and stared at you for hours. I would love nothing more than to just watch the way you breathe, the way you blink, to watch you. For your mind is so beautiful, and I can’t get enough.”

— Kiannah Joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

“And in that moment all you could do was stop and wonder. Wonder how you got there at that exact moment. Wonder how the dominos lined up so perfectly to get yourself in that situation. You wondered not in a good way, but also not in a bad way. Just in a wondering way. You knew this was something that shouldn’t be forgotten because these wondering moments only came a few times in life.”

— Kiannah Joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

“My eyes met yours, but only for a second. Like the fallen snow, we were never meant to last. So I allow myself one last glance at your hazel eyes before I must bring myself out of the cold winter you’ve created.”

— Kiannah Joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

“Why do people fall for someone they shouldn’t? I’m not even talking about myself, just people in general. In one of my favorite books, it says, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” but why can’t we believe we deserve more than what we have? And I mean that in all aspects of life. Why can’t we win first place? Why can’t we date that person? Why are all of us limiting ourselves, making ourselves suffer because we’re scared. Scared of failure. Scared of disappointment. But most of all, scared that we deserve so much more, and that we’re capable of so much more.”

— Kiannah Joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

it’s a little ridiculous, isn’t it? that things would end like this. we were so madly in love, you’d think that our demise would be at least a little dramatic. but no, you’re just leaving. that’s where we stop. that’s where our story ends. no drama, no crying. we don’t end with a blazing forest fire or a wild combustion, rather we’re a weak flame that eventually burns out. i stay. you go.

kiannah joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

i just wish time would slow down. for even one second. he’s going, i’m staying. i knew this would happen eventually, but now that it’s actually here all i want is more. more of his touch, more of his kiss. he’s like a drug, and i’ve become addicted.

kiannah joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

i miss you. god, i miss you so much. it’s kind of embarrassing how hard it’s been since you left. i can’t even blink without seeing your face in my mind. i can’t breathe without imagining your scent. please. i’m begging you. come home.

- kiannah joylinn

[eyeswideopen1021]

there’s this sort of electricity in the air. the city lights are blinding, and you feel completely and utterly fearless. it’s new york. the place that can inspire anybody. people from all over the world go come to new york just to feel an ounce of freedom. there’s a surge of energy that runs through your blood. it’s a type of sensation that you’ve been waiting for your whole life, but didn’t know you were missing. new york, the place where dreamers go.

kiannah joylinn (via eyeswideopen1021)

[eyeswideopen1021]

“I want your midnights, but i’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day.” - Taylor Swift

You have my mind spinning. I’ve only known you for a few months, and I would barely consider us friends. But somehow, you haven’t left my mind in days. I get excited to fall asleep so I can see you in my dreams. I don’t even know what it is, you’re actually kind of a jerk sometimes. I think it’s because I want to know what you’re like when no one’s watching. The you at school is loud and charismatic and carefree. But what’s the big-brother version of you, the son version of you, the boyfriend version of you? What are you like when you’re sad, or angry, or genuinely, truly happy. I wish that I could be the person you showed all of that to. So here I am, it’s 12:15 am, and all I can think about is you. I know I can be a little bit naive about this kind of stuff, but i hope that you think about me sometimes too.

[eyeswideopen1021]

“We’re all just walking each other home.” - Ram Dass

Growing up, I’ve always been told that everyone has a forever friend. My sisters met theirs in elementary school, and through it all they still manage to talk to their best friends everyday. I still wonder if that will ever happen to me, or has it already? See, in fifth grade I thought I had met her. Although we had known each other for years, it was the first year we actually started talking, and as it turns out, we were a lot alike. We remained friends throughout middle school, but then high school started. People say things change when you get to high school, but I guess I never realized that meant your best friend of 4 years might not want to be your best friend anymore. That was the one that hurt. A lot. For the the entirety of second semester freshman year we did not talk at all. Merely only awkward glances in the hall. By sophomore year we were talking again, but we were strictly ‘school friends’. Not real friends. Will it ever be like it used to? That I haven’t found out yet. I think that’s the real kicker of the idea of ‘forever friends.’ You go through high school gaining friends and definitely losing them too. The hard part is, no matter how many connections you make in high school, you never really know which ones are gonna stick until it’s too late. There may be people you were inseparable with, but as soon as you two hit college, you never speak again. Then there’s the people who you might not have always been the closest to, but they end up being the people you still text when you’re fifty. I doubt she’ll ever read this, but in the off chance she does, I hope she knows I want the latter to be her.

[eyeswideopen1021]

“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person i have ever known- and even that is an understatement.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

The idea of a soulmate has always created a strong longing inside of me, but it has also mystified me. I’m not so cynical to say that soulmates don’t exist. I’m also not so naive in believing there is only one person, out of circa 8 billion, that is ever truly meant for you. To really understand what a soulmate is, one must understand the butterfly effect. The butterfly effect states that small, seemingly insignificant actions, can have the possibility of completely altering a person’s future. Assuming this notion is true, every single decision one makes from the time they are born, somehow perfectly aligns them with another person who has also, somehow, made just the right choices to lead them to that person. It’s nearly mind-boggling to try to wrap your head around it. But in short, a soulmate is basically the universe’s miracle. Those who believe soulmates do not exist, probably haven’t ever looked around them, because it is so clear that there are certain people who were simply destined to be together and that’s really the only way to explain it. However, i believe anyone can have more than one soulmate. Humans have never been stagnant beings, so it’s illogical that there is only one person who is made for all of our different phases of life. Rather, soulmates are people who have exactly what we need at that exact time. Still just as miraculous. And while the whole idea that all of our decisions lead up to meeting a soul mate seems insane to happen just once, let alone twice, actually think about it. The universe is kind of a fucked up place to live sometimes. Rarely does it ever make sense. If there was one place where insane things such as soulmates could occur multiple times to one person, it sure as hell is in this universe.

[eyeswideopen1021]

She acts as if you put the stars in the sky, and you keep stringing her along because you can’t make up your mind. If you love her, then tell her. If not, just let her go. She deserves much better than this.

Kiannah Joylinn (via eyeswideopen1021)

[eyeswideopen1021]

There’s things in life that you just know. They’re things that have always been the same, and will probably remain the same until the end of time. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Planets move. People change. The one thing I’ve always known to be true is that everything happens for a reason. Yes, I know it’s probably the most cliched phrase on this universe, yet it’s also one of the most truthful. Things that seem like a big deal are usually unimportant five years from now. Time heals most things, and we can heal what it can’t. People forgive, and at some point, people forget. The world keeps spinning. No matter how catastrophic your life may seem right now, the world moves on. Life moves on. You move on.

Kiannah Joylinn (via eyeswideopen1021)

[eyeswideopen1021]

starting over without you is much more difficult than i thought it would be. it's not as if people just wake up one day, forgetting the pain. i wish it was that easy. moving on from you is a gradual thing. in every decision i make, i suddenly realize you're not there with me. hopefully one day i will be able to wake up, and while the pain cannot be forgotten, it can be healed.

kiannah joylinn