junnat

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

your eyes were ruins that i mistook for catharsis

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

there’s a box of thoughts i keep under my pillow. 50 of them are recollections of the way you say my name.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i have some power over how people perceive me but it surprises me how people view me as anything but miserable.

if only i could take my trenchcoat off and hang it on the coat hanger. if i could step out of my beige flats and take my stockings off. lay in bed with my lover and then leave with the door open, smell of dirty whiskey on both of our bodies.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i am made of secrets. i was made to lose you in every lifetime.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

constantly writing with a hiccup stuck in my throat that shakes to spell out his name in morse code.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i found him in the gaps between blades of grass. i found him in purple strobe lights and i found him folded in between pages of the bible.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

write his name in cathedrals and mosques. remember him in religion. remember him in religious transcripts and the gap between arabic syllables.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i’m never alone these days because the thought of you keeps me company.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

writing a letter and ending it with “i can’t sign this off with anything because im nothing but yours.”

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

when he thinks i don’t fw him like that but he is literally present in the absence of all thought.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i am waiting on a coincidence that will bring me back to you.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

in this constant grey static, you are my white noise, my moment of clarity.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i don’t know when we met, i do not know when we parted.

all i know is that looking at you lasted lifetimes.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i told myself i only loved you when it rained but that was far from the truth. i loved you when the sky offered anything at all.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

i hope new york is kinder to you than i ever was

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

my boyfriends told me he doesn’t remember his dreams. little does he know i steal them when he’s sleeping and binge-watch them on a projector.

[fabricsoftner4thesoul]

curtain call. i was out of tricks. the applause was drowning. my body felt like it was drowning when really, it was just intoxicated. i had held the facade so close to my skin that it seeped in.