Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc.
genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again.
j confess it:
j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk)
like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for...
well, i dont think any of us did (originally)
but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back.
not now.
basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it.
you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like...
to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry.
she herself is completely unaware of this.
well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace.
so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones.
it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens.
anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children.
like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!?
OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different...
'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens.
im sorry love, but were still right angry about it.
we loved you... how... how could you?
'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him.
oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration?
some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore...
THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK!
anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.
and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply.
but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her.
like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack.
weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry
and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.