👒 ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ──────────── there was something sacred about the time giselle spent with jackson now. even with the fog of hesitation that covered the early stages of their interactions being gone, there was still a huge rain clouds of tension hanging above their heads. they were practically bursting with conversations neither wanted to start, and resolutions they were too scared of approaching. this new normal ( as abnormal as it may be ) allowed them to get lost in world of ease that could only be found when the two of them were together. not having to share with him the delicate way her heart leaped from her chest to her stomach and back whenever she caught him looking at her, meant that she could think about how cute he was when he was complaining without worrying about how he might feel about it. she could bite the inside of her cheek to hold back her smile from getting any wider at the way he persisted with his task, regardless of his feelings about it. she could think to herself that he was doing it strictly for her, and not have to worry about whether or not it was true.
“ do you think about this often ? ” she questioned through a soft laugh. there was a dangerous familiarity in the absurdity of their back and forth. giselle had to remind herself that this wasn’t the version of themselves that would allow her to cross the room and pepper gentle kisses along his cheek, and jaw as he whined. the time that separated them meant all she could do was spare him a moment’s glance, smile still plastered on her face from her laugh, before turning to the box of decorations and continuing her own tasks as she spoke. “ as i mentioned before, snow on a tree is pretty ! if i covered it in real snow it would melt, obviously. ” the sarcasm was clear in her tone as she shot him a playful look. “ the tree in times square isn’t covered in snow yet so i can’t get the full snowy picture like i could with the fake snow. plus, i really love lighting the christmas tree up at night, and drinking hot coco, and putting on a christmas movie while i wrap gifts. it’s tradition…─── but you’ll take me to see the times square tree once it’s covered in snow too, right ? i do wanna see that one too. ” it wasn’t like giselle hadn’t seen that tree every year since she moved here, but if it was a promise to see jackson again she’d make it twice.
the fact that he remembered was enough to bring a light red tint to her cheeks. but her mind was quick to let her believe it was only because of gio. she so often dragged both of them down to donation centers, and hospitals to hand out toys to organizers or even the kids themselves. it was hard to forget that she did that when he, and gio spent half the time playing tag or hot potato with the presents. “ never missed a year. i had to invest in one of those baskets meant to bring in groceries about two years ago to put the presents in. ” she doesn’t say the reason why, but she doesn’t think she needs to. giovanni was long gone, and for quite awhile jackson had been too. there was no one to help her carry the gifts down to her car, and as easy as it would have been to get help from a friend giselle couldn’t bring herself to ask. “ would that make me mrs. claus ? ” she did her best to perk back up as she looked to him. “ because i would gladly dress up as her to hand out gifts. the dress she wears is so cute, i love how the little skirt poofs up at the bottom. and the furry white trim is also cute ! i’m sure i have a pair of red tights around here somewhere. ”
“ probably more often than i should, especially around this time of year, “ he admitted, breathing out the hints of an amused laugh. “ and i wasn’t saying you should put real snow ── obviously ── that’d get cold and wet. “ he mimicked her sarcasm as he returned the comment, pulling the cap off the spray can and starting to shake it. it clicked as he did. “ i just don’t get it, i guess. the idea of cutting down some poor old tree just to have it in your living room for a month. for what; i know, i know, christmas spirit and all that but ── “ he shrugged, letting the comment trail off and turning his attention back to the task at hand. he couldn’t tell her that he thought christmas was stupid because he didn’t have anybody to spend it with; because it hurt him to think about his family back home celebrating without him, or giselle doing the same. he didn’t have much more to add. so he just left it at that.
no matter how much time he spent with giselle, he couldn’t help the twinge of guilt that still tugged at the inside of his chest. it was a reminder that ── even if things seemed okay now ── they weren’t. all of this normalcy couldn’t erase the violent reaction he had the first time she had tried to talk to him, and it didn’t change the fact that if she tried to bring it up again, he’d probably do the same thing. it was just a false sense of security: they could tiptoe around everything they wanted to say, and things would stay okay, but it would never go beyond that. jackson wouldn’t let them, and giselle deserved better than that. when she brought things back around to the tree in times square that he’d just been prattling on about, he touched his tongue uncomfortably to his lower lip. say no, a little voice in the back of his head urged, tell her you don’t want to. but he knew that was never an option, because he did want to. “ sure, i guess. “ he shrugged, “ i really based my entire argument on that tree, so ── i can’t really say no. “
pushing up the sleeves of his sweater, he pointed the can towards himself, stupidly using his forearm as a test for whatever was going to come out ── unfortunately, when he pressed down on the button, nothing did. frowning, he shook it and tried again; giselle was momentarily forgotten as he turned all of his attention on the can. even if he didn’t want to spray the fake snow on the tree, there was no way he was letting it beat him. shake, press, shake, press ── he forced the button down all the way and, without much warning, it worked. he startled at the hissing noise the can made and the contact of the sticky, fake snow against his arm, the surprise visible on his features before it quickly switched to a scowl. “ stupid; s’fucking stupid ── “ he muttered under his breath to himself, scrubbing at his arm while he clued back into the conversation that, for a minute or two, giselle had really just been having with herself.
“ you haven’t yet? “ he asked. he had to bite back the grin that threatened at the image ── as cute as it was ( as she was ), he had forfeited that right. maybe thirteen years ago he would have made some cheeky comment, revealing in how flustered she got, but for now he lowered his head instead to focus intently on scratching at the polymer drying on his skin; a harsh reminder that friends didn’t quite feel like it was enough to describe everything swirling between them. “ i figured that would’ve been part of the whole shtick. little jingle bells and everything. “
