Of the Elite

bede/othello ✾ 16 ✾ he/them ✾ ballonlea's elite fairy type gym leader

[faede]

note to self: ban bisharps from my life from now on

[goedwig]

Is it time to swear again?

[faede]

fuck

[goedwig]

fuck!

[faede]

fuckth!

[goedwig]

Is it time to swear again?

[faede]

fuck

[faede]

x

it’s so eerie not being able to feel that link anymore.  ever since meeting the others there’s been some sort of connection between us, but now with him?  that one is gone.  it’s like there’s strings connecting all of us to each other, but the one between us alone has been severed.  or almost.  i feel something, but it’s so bare now, like i can only know if he’s alive or not.  i can’t feel any shred of emotion from him anymore

part of me wonders if i should be scared of this.  scared of losing a connection that i grew to cherish and wanted to protect.

and another part of me wonders if it’s for the best if i find a way to cut these strings all together.  if that one incident is anything to go by, this link may be empathetic in a way like my ability, and they don’t need that in their life.  they don’t need to feel the emotions of others and while i probably wouldn’t be able to destroy this completely, i should at least get rid of their ties to me.  they don’t need to be dealing with what i feel

or maybe i’m just reading too much into this.  maybe it’s only me that feels their feelings because of this fucking curse of mine.  i hate this i hate this i hate it so fucking much!  they don’t and can’t understand this and i hate that too 

what’s even the point of all this?  

[faede]

i tell myself that i never want anymore regrets, but those just keep piling up higher and higher these days.  this city may keep one issue of mine at bay, but it has its own plethora when it comes to the vast amount of citizens that i can’t escape from easily.

even going back to my old home is more appealing at times, despite the tangle possibly posing a threat and me losing my damn mind with all that whispering from it

[faede]

IMSORRYSTOPSTOPSTOP

[faede]

LEAVE MEALONE SHUTDUP SHUDUP STOPPPP

[faede]

why are the voices getting louder they wont’ shuddup stop stop stop

[faede]

this shit tastes godawful but at least the burning in my throat is distracting from the stupid whispers in my ears

why did we choose the tangle again for this party why did i come i know what happens now when i come here it’s gonna get me 

[faede]

crap

[faede]

ugh i should have expected to see HIM here.  maybe if i stay out of sight he won’t say anything

[faede]

when the moon rises, the fair ones shall play

only those who are invited will not cause a fuss

[faede]

choices have been made and i will stand by them for as long as i am capable of

[faede]

I hate this city, just being here makes my skin crawl

[faede]

Forever unsure if I should make amends or burn down every single bridge I can find.  What’s easier, pain with others or loneliness and ease?

[faede]

woa

[faede]

these people really be falling for the old tricks of the fae