Busy these weeks for things, but I have finally been able to return and I am delighted that FAITHWOOD HAS SEEN ME, HELLO FAITHWOOD I AM YOUR FAN
There is a lot that I would love to say and I am very grateful for the support and knowing that you have or are reading Beholden somewhat because of what I have sought to say through my drawings. In fact, I still have to read the last two chapters and I would love to continue sharing those scenes that only point to my heart, I hope I don't say too much for those who haven't read it yet and say a lot for those who have read it. Of course I would love to be as faithful to the scene in question, but it's accurate to what I'm trying to say and it's not.
AND WE STILL NEED TO SEE MORE OF WHAT I WILL SAY, OKAY? THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️
hey! i just finished beholden. i wanted to ask what got you writing, what had you stop for a decade, and what got you back in?
Ahhhh! Asking me why I write? You wanted word vomit? You're getting word vomit.
(There's a little spoiler for Beholden under the cut.)
What got me writing?
RAGE.
No, really.
I was a lurker/reader in the Buffy fandom at the time, and I'd only occasionally read HP fics — 95% gen!fic, 4% low rated canon romance, 1% Sirius/OC smut, because the rest of my faves were kids, and I wasn't interested in anything else.
And then after DH, with Draco getting pushed to the brink of redemption, but not crossing the line, and with Harry's view of him changing — always so sorry, so sad for him, always noting how scared he seemed, even switching to calling him 'Draco' — I was left with such a need to read that pairing. I wanted Draco to cross that line, and I wanted that soft understanding Harry had found for him to get explored.
So, I tried reading Harry/Draco fics. And OH MAN.
I was no stranger to character-bashing and unusual interpretations of canon — Buffy fandom was pretty damn crazy — but I knew my way around that place. With Harry/Draco, I stepped into the WILD. Fic after fic, all I could find was everything I loved and everything Harry loved in canon torn apart to pieces. His friends, his girlfriend, his House, his beliefs, his humor, the things that he wanted, the things that he fought for, the things that he was willing to die for, his character growth in DH, the confident brave man he became after Dobby's death, all of it dismissed, usually in a handful of exposition paragraphs. Endless apologies for the pure-blood supremacists. Draco 'redeeming' himself by quoting lines written by his fans on discussion boards, and therefore showing me he's not regretful, just full of excuses. Or he's not even redeemed, just cool and rich and suave (lol) and so much wittier than that bumbling, irrationally angry Harry Potter that felt plucked straight from OotP with all his teen angst painfully exaggerated. And then in those fics Harry just goes with it because he thinks Draco is hot.
I could go on. I won't.
So, I had that petulant moment where I thought, "Fine. I'll do it myself. How hard can it be?"
Well, pretty damn hard, apparently. It's hard to create convincing drama. It's hard to get the characters in the right frame of mind so your plot could work. It's very hard to write smart and witty characters. It's hard to convincingly redeem someone. It's hard to juggle a cast of side-characters. It's hard to spell the word nesscscseary. It's especially hard to take that perfect, plausible, well-thought out story in your head and write it down without losing at least half of what makes it good. It's also hard to find time to write and write well. And of course your personal opinions on canon and fanon can seep through no matter how hard you try not to preach, and it can totally ruin a story.
That realization tempered my rage. It didn't mean I was willing to read the things I don't like, of course; I always liberally use that back button. But I did eventually find fics that I love and reccers I can trust, and learned to forgive when authors cut some corners.
Oh, but the taste of POWER writing gave me. The fact that I can just write the things I want to read. Cater to my own preferences. Simply not include the things I don't like. I want it, it's there; I don't want it, it's not.
So that's why I started writing. So I could read exactly what I wanted to read. Stories perfectly tailored for me. Honestly, I'm my biggest fan. I'm my own writing bitch. It doesn't even matter if I fail to do a good job while writing down the little movie that played out in my head, because I know my own intentions. I thought it all through. What I've written might not make sense to a reader sometimes, but it always makes sense to me. And I can always forgive myself if I feel like I failed. I find it very, very easy to forgive myself. Others, not so much, especially if I start to suspect they don't love Harry enough.
What made me stop writing?
I didn't stop writing. I stopped posting. I stopped interacting with fandom. I felt like I had my fill. I'm happy to recycle plots and read and write similar things over and over again, because I want what I want, and I won't apologize for it, but apparently I've reached a limit after all and felt like I have nothing new to offer.
I kept writing stuff. Fanfic for other fandoms, original stuff, even HP fics. Most of it unfinished and unedited and unpresentable, but enough to satisfy my occasional cravings for specific things. Which, as I said, is the whole point of my writing.
So I'll rephrase your next question: What got me to finally finish a Harry/Draco fic and post it?
THE CURSED CHILD. lol I haven't seen it. Or read it. I haven't even read the synopsis. Next gen, eh, I was never interested. But I caught some spoilers about it on tumblr and reddit — about Draco's wife being ill and dying. That's some incredible stuff. Draco being so loving and dedicated, standing up to his parents, so heartbroken when the person he loved died but still being a wonderful father to his son. It's like I discovered a whole new Draco to think about. It got me all inspired. It's everything I ever wanted for him, except of course his wife dying. So he got to save his seemingly terminally ill lover in Beholden, and got the chance to be a loving, tender husband I wouldn't dare to even imagine after finishing the books, as it would feel too OOC to soften him up to that degree.
It likely wasn't visible, but in my mind, Beholden is kind of a Cursed Child fix!it fic — for that tiny part of the story. I needed it so desperately, I actually finished and posted it.
I have a few more asks in my tumblr inbox, and I'll very happily answer them, but it might take some time.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 10/10
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Daphne Greengrass, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley
Additional Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Hurt Harry Potter, Depressed Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Harry Potter Needs a Hug, First Time, Switching, Explicit Sexual Content, moonflower_rose needs a hug
Word Count: 123,754
Summary: [COMPLETED] Draco Malfoy might not be a killer, but it turns out he's an effective painkiller. If stopping pain was all Draco's touch did, things might not be so complicated, but either way Harry can't afford to be choosy.
If ads are personalized, can someone explain to me what the hell did I do to get bombarded by ads for some game with poor, injured, abused cats? Make it stop.
I wish I knew the exact time and date that harry told snape ‘there’s no need to call me sir professor’ so that I could take a moment of silence to remember the moment each year
We know that it’s September 2nd. I’d put it between 9:00 AM and 11:00 AM. (They have breakfast and then a free period. They have Snape’s class before their break, which was before their lunch.)
ok this just appeared on my blog with ample time for you all to prepare because apparently I stumbled across it months ago, and scheduled it to post on september first. executive function TRIUMPH!!!!!!!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 5/5
Words: 76,917
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Tony Stark, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Clint Barton, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Canon Divergence - Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Identity Reveal, Identity Porn, Recovery, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, References only, none of it explicit, First Time, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Period-Typical Homophobia
Summary:
The Winter Soldier thrashed, drowning. It was taking forever. His mask seemed to be stuck. He pulled on it, struggling to draw breath, sinking and resurfacing, clawing at his face, the panic in his eyes terrible.
Steve's would-be killer. The very worst HYDRA had ever conjured. A symbol of death and everything he stood against. And Steve just couldn't bear it. He was ready to go, but this guy clearly wasn't.
----------------------------------------
The premise: the Winter Soldier's mask doesn't come off quite as easily. Meaning, Steve never saw Bucky's face, and he didn't hold back during the fight on the Helicarrier. This is where the story picks up and is no longer canon-compliant. Though, I've stolen some ideas from the sequels and deliberately contradicted some future plot points/established canon.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/5
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Tony Stark, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Clint Barton, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Canon Divergence - Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Identity Reveal, Identity Porn, Recovery, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, References only, none of it explicit, First Time, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Period-Typical Homophobia
Summary:
The Winter Soldier thrashed, drowning. It was taking forever. His mask seemed to be stuck. He pulled on it, struggling to draw breath, sinking and resurfacing, clawing at his face, the panic in his eyes terrible.
Steve's would-be killer. The very worst HYDRA had ever conjured. A symbol of death and everything he stood against. And Steve just couldn't bear it. He was ready to go, but this guy clearly wasn't.
----------------------------------------
The premise: the Winter Soldier's mask doesn't come off quite as easily. Meaning, Steve never saw Bucky's face, and he didn't hold back during the fight on the Helicarrier. This is where the story picks up and is no longer canon-compliant. Though, I've stolen some ideas from the sequels and deliberately contradicted some future plot points/established canon.
I'm not really around, obviously, but I'm sort of still writing. Stuff.
Anyway, I've seen The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, loved it, but it made me sad for Steve and Bucky, so I wanted to go back to 2014. Actually, I'd like to go back regardless, but that's another story.
And now I have a 74k Stucky fic, CATWS era, and I'm wondering if there's anyone here willing to beta it? I've never written Stucky before so I don't know if it's any good. I'm kind of happy with it, but clearly I'm biased.
Are there people here? Are there Stucky people here?
I'll be happy with a SPaG check or an in-depth beta. I'll take what I can get. I'll be happy with just a test-reader from someone in the MCU fandom.
I'd try my luck on LiveJournal, but it feels like no one's there?
My next stop is reddit, so please, for the love of god, save me.
REC: Right Hand Red (73173 words) by lumosed_quill
Link: Right Hand Red
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Additional Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Party Games, Drunkenness, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Secret Relationship, Angst and Humor
Summary: Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory. Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy. Malfoy felt inevitable.
If you know me at all, you know I adore 8th year fics (and if you didn't know that, well, now you do), and though, in all honesty, I'm likely to enjoy 90% of them solely because they remind me of everything I loved about canon, only a handful of them can successfully transport me back to Hogwarts and make me feel as if I'm living in that world again.
This is definitely one of those fics. It's not the plottiest story with death threats and mysteries behind every corner; it relies on characters, their relationships, and their everyday concerns. And that's exactly what lets the author pull us back into the world of Harry Potter and showcase some of Harry Potter's seemingly simpler but no less beautiful themes of friendship, tolerance and growing up.
But vague praise aside, it's just a damn fun fic, with slow-building Harry/Draco romance, clear respect for canon — though it's not enslaved by it, either — and respect for canon characters — not one of them was inexplicably turned into an antagonist hated by all (hey, that's, like, one of my biggest annoyances and more common than it should be); they are all treated with obvious affection regardless of their flaws and virtues.
It's a perfect, quick read (no, really — 74k words but *fingersnap*) if you want to sink into a fictional world and relax. And if you don't believe me, read some of the gorgeous comments on the AO3 page that recommend the fic far more eloquently than I ever could.
And let's not forget — as a part of a BigBang, this fic comes with gorgeous art by iwao — one of HP fandom's most talented artists.
A Fox's Bargain (~6K; NC-17) by raitala
Summary: Harry made a bargain with Draco. He knew it was going to come back and bite him on the arse, he just didn’t think about what exactly Draco would ask for. Draco would say that Harry must have known deep down what he was agreeing to, but then Draco is a prick and what would he know?
This was scorching. I wish I could say more about it; I remember fun banter and Draco being perfectly Draco, but I read it twice and mostly it just fried my brain.
4 ½ Weddings and a Funeral (~12,3K; R) by hazel_wand
Summary: Harry’s quite engaging; Draco’s otherwise engaged.
Delightful story. Humorous and sweet with a touch of angst and full of fun little details. And the characterisations were wonderful.
Swings and Roundabouts (~2,7K; NC-17) by melusinahp
Summary: On the rare occasions in which they had hours to themselves, Draco sometimes wanted to spend them lazily in bed, slowly exploring Harry and learning each and every bit of his body by heart. Other times he just wanted Harry to hold him down and fuck him hard; this was the latter sort of morning.
A fun look at Harry and Draco's relationship. The coolest thing about this fic? Right after it gives you hot porn, it gives you hot porn again.
Pharynx-Larynx-Oesophagus-Trachea (~4,2K; NC-17) by firethesound
Summary: Harry's idea for helping Draco study is the most brilliant thing he's ever come up with, and Draco discovers that studying can be fun when one has the right study partner.
Lovely and entertaining. Once you read this fic, you'll never be able to study without bemoaning the fact that you don't have your own Harry Potter to help you.
