There’s a lot of negativity surrounding Fez and it’s creator Phil Fish, but that’s not something I especially want to cover right now. Right now I’d rather talk personally about Fez and why it matters to me, not only as a player of games, but as a person.
Everything in Fez is perception, both in and out of the game. Phil Fish described the game as ‘having your world blown apart and having to the put the pieces back one by one’ and so you travel across this world collecting and rebuilding the cubes as the world regains stability. It’s a metaphor.
I came to Fez during perhaps one of the worst times of my life, when I suffered badly from depression and crippling panic attacks. I was for the most part a write off and allowing my life down the toilet. I began playing it out of frustration at Super Meat Boy, where at the time every failure was a slap in the face. However Fez was something else, you weren’t able to fail at Fez - you could lack comprehension, or find yourself stuck, but there was no timer and no failstate - if I didn’t understand or wasn’t able to handle a specific challenge, I could go away and be somewhere else even if that being somewhere else was just that, being.
Fez did something nothing else at the time had, it made everything quiet. In a time in my life when I found everything hard work and everything overwhelming, Fez became peace.
Fez wasn’t my depression, it wasn’t my fear of dying or my desire to die, my drinking habits or my self hatred. Fez wasn’t my panic attacks or anger.
Fez was peace.
Fez was putting the world back together piece by piece.
Fez, was also the first game I had every gone to by myself, in the sense I wasn’t physically handed the game and told to play it by someone else. My partner had played it and I thought I’d give it ago. At the time I was incredibly fresh to playing games, having only completed two other games before in my life, Pokemon Red on the gameboy colour and Persona 3 PSP. Playing anything made me feel like an incompetent fraud, that I had no right to play games, yet alone talk about them because I didn’t have a childhood of experience playing games. Games as a concept felt off limit to me, especially puzzle games as I had always written myself off as too stupid or not logical enough to tackle even simply puzzles and I thought Fez would be no exception.
But the game taught me - it would show you once and then ask you to figure it out next time. Entirely based on a single mechanic, of turning the world - or changing your perception, when I did become stuck I knew all I had to do was to the same thing I had always been doing. And for the first time in a long time I felt like I was achieving something, every small victory was rewarding as Gomez would jump in the air in joy upon finding a cube or a map. That sort of enthusiasm is very validating for a person who was hardly functioning as a person at the time.
Obviously, I wasn’t magically cured and all was well with me, but it gave me somewhere to go when I’d become overwhelmed and spent more than a few nights having the soundtrack played to me while I fell asleep. And intentionally or unintentionally when those feelings start to come back I find myself playing Fez on a save file on my Vita which is rarely played but always there.
Fez left me with a confidence to play games, and talk about games with other people. It made me curious to go looking for games that I could play.
Mostly importantly though it made me do something, it put the first block in place to do something else and slowly but surely rebuild the world piece by piece.
WARNING : This series about an detailed play through of Final Fantasy 7 and will of course contain spoilers. But then again, the game did come out in 1997.
After getting away from the Turks, Aerith not even remotely phased invites Cloud home with her. They make their way through to the Sector 5 slums where they encounter a sick man in a bin with #2 tattooed on his arm, and the pair carry on like it's not even slightly suspicious. Moving on Cloud and Aerith go in and out of people's houses, and steal money from a drunk child's cupboard.
Travelling onwards you arrive at a beautiful garden... where flowers grow even though Aerith said they only grew in the church… Regardless they head into the house where they are met by Elmyra, Aerith’s mother. Once introduced to Cloud Strife, protector of Aerith’s assets if you know what I’m saying, Elmyra questions if Aerith has been followed again.
Again.
Apparently these followings are a regular occurrence and Aerith is pretty biz casual about the whole thing and her mother is not shocked by the presence of Cloud as her bodyguard, which leaves me with a lot of questions – first of all being is Aerith a praying mantis who feasts on her previous bodyguards/dates? Unlikely but it's good to keep options open. Aerith asks about Cloud's plans and he explains he wants to get back to Sector 7 and to Tifa’s bar, which I imagine is still being run by a child and Aerith beings to question Cloud on his relationship to Tifa. Cloud not understanding human emotions denies any towards Tifa and Aerith mocks him but is satisfied. She insists that Cloud takes her to Sector 7, declaring she is used to danger (then why does she need a Cloud shaped body guard?) and Cloud the sexist remarks that women are useless. Aerith informs her mother she is going to Sector 7 even though it's obviously a stupid idea, she agrees but convinces them to go in the morning instead.
Aerith goes upstairs, leaving Cloud and her mother alone together and Elmyra tells Cloud he has weird SOLDIER eyes and to kindly fuck off. Cloud says nothing and goes up to bed, where he has a dream about being in a bed and having a woman tell him he should find a girlfriend preferably an older girlfriend who doesn’t require emotional support because Cloud is unable to give that to anyone. It’s unclear if that woman is his mother or something trying to get a dream piece of that Strife peen.
He wakes up acknowledging he’d been asleep and sneaks out leaving Aerith behind. On his way back to Sector 7, Cloud comes across a man who proclaims you can’t trust anything Shinra say, nor can you trust AVALANCHE, the only person he can believe is himself because he never lies to himself. Cloud leaves the man without batting an eyelid and carries on with his journey. As he reaches the outskirts of the Sector Aerith appears, only Satan knowing how.
‘You’re up bright and early,’ she remarks terrifyingly. Cloud tries to keep his composure, being shaken for the first time probably in his life, trying to smooth down his hair as Aerith insists on coming with him and he has no choice because he does not know what she is capable of.
Making your way to Sector 5, you have a series of battle against some demon houses and no-one bats an eyelid because who hasn’t been attacked by a demon house in the slums of an Orwellian nightmare. Where did these houses come from? Do people live in them? Why are they attacking me? I have many questions.
It’s also worth noting that the house enemies aren’t weak to fire attacks and that really irritates me.
On the way they pause at a children's playground and decided to take a break as Aerith questions Cloud on his rank, causing him to have some PTSD flashback before Aerith talks vaguely about her first boyfriend who was also First Class in SOLDIER and also not her boyfriend.
A gate opens and we see a carriage pulled by a chocobo. Cloud sees Tifa is in the back being taken somewhere and that she looks strange. He tells Aerith to go home, but she jumps down from the slide and chases after the carriage. Cloud shakes his head with an ‘oh you’ sensibility and follows after her.
You follow Aerith into Midgar's Sleaze Capital where she keeps talking about how dangerous it is, especially for women, but with no regard for her own safety plows on regardless, visiting and being denied access to a brothel, hanging around a shady bar and a gym full of guys doing squats.
After asking around they learn Tifa is most likely with Don Corneo and potentially sold into prostitution. With haste, they make their way to the Don’s mansion where they are denied access because of Cloud's giant sword. Aerith tries to go in without Cloud and he drags her back, knowing she would be passed around like a plate of biscuits. But Cloud simply cannot storm in swinging his sword about.
Then Aerith has an idea.
An awful idea!
Aerith had a wonderful, awful idea!
The only possible answer to this problem; dressing Cloud up like a chick, obviously.
Aerith informs the doorman she’ll be back with a cute friend and Cloud tries to argue but blackmailing him with Tifa’s safety she convinces Cloud there is no other way. So he is dragged back to the dress shop and sets a series of surreal events in order to obtain the appropriate attire to convince the doorman Cloud is a woman.
Starting with collecting a sad drunk dressmaker from a bar and convincing him to make you a dress. He refuses to make men’s clothing but excited by the prospect of some cross-dressing he agrees and takes you back to the shop in which he finds a dress for Cloud, however this is not enough - Princess Cloud needs a wig and apparently the only way to obtain a wig in Midgar is to go to the local gym and have a word with ‘Big Bro’ and have to win a ‘squat-off’ with a burly man. After winning said ‘squat-off’ Cloud obtains the second hand wig and the loser moans until he is punched across the room by Big Bro and is left twitching on the floor as Cloud and Aerith leave.
You can apparently also obtain a tiara for Cloud as well as... some other things but by this point I was too confused by what had already taken place that I just wanted to proceed and save my so called friend. As a result, I did not make Cloud as sexy as he could be. Aerith gets jealous and insists she gets her own dress to go to the brothel in.
Heading back to the Don’s mansion, the doorman is totally fooled by Cloud's disguise. After being let in they are told to stay where they are while they wait for Don Corneo. Aerith doesn’t stay where she is and heads down to what is apparently a sex dungeon where we find Tifa dressed like a slut. Cue a lot of confusing
‘what are you doing here?’
‘what are you doing here?’
‘why is Cloud dressed like that?’
‘why are you dressed like that Tifa?’
Questions over, we learn that Tifa is whoring herself out to find out information, even after Barrett told her not to, about a man snooping around AVALANCHE and how the Don’s name was one of interest. So of course, the only way to find what she wanted would be to play with his balls and here we all are.
From above a lacky calls to the sex dungeon telling them Don Corneo is ready to see them. Tifa, Aerith and our little princess Cloud are lined up in front of the Don like blind date and in my playthrough he choose Tifa. Cloud is thrown like a sack of shit to a room full of guys zombie walking at him, telling him how good they’ll treat him in the single most terrifying scene I have ever encountered in a videogame until Cloud rips off his dress to reveal he was wearing his regular clothes the whole time because he apparently suspected something like this would happen. Upon revealing he is a man, the scumbags declare violence upon you and Cloud takes out his gleaming weapon and slays the bunch of them before running to find Tifa and Aerith. Aerith is down in the sex dungeon being chased around and around the bondage table by one guy, upon seeing Cloud she runs up the stairs towards him, with the man following. As she approaches Cloud she turns to the man and unceremoniously drop-kicks the motherfucker down the stairs before leaving with Cloud.
Meanwhile Tifa is trying to postpone Don Corneo’s hideous sexual advances while trying to get the information she whored herself out for. But instead he throws himself at her. Literally. She's nearly crushed. But just in time Cloud and Aerith kick the door down and Tifa dives out of the way avoiding a horrific incident for everyone. Don Hardon is cornered and questioned by the team as they one by one threaten to mutilate his genitals. He reveals that Shinra are trying to find AVALANCHE, and they have their suspicions they are based in Sector 7. So instead of doing a thorough search of Sector 7, they decided to break the support and drop a chunk of the city on them.
It’s overkill but efficient.
Pleased they got what they came for, Tifa avoided a hump from a man who looks like an uncooked turkey, Cloud agrees to head back with them to Sector 7. The Don however has other plans, pulls a switch which opens a trapdoor to the sewers below. Like all good Scooby Doo villains...
I had a few topics I wanted to cover for my Anime Monday, including an in depth critical look at Kill La Kill's tiddies, but that can wait for now as something much more important has come up. I also couldn’t think of a wittier heading.
Ghost Stories or Gakkō no Kaidan (学校の怪談) is a 20 part anime series made for Fuji Television by Pierrot and Aniplex in 2000 based on a book series by Tōru Tsunemitsu of the same name.
The series tells the story of transfer student (aren’t they always) Satsuki and her younger brother Keiichirou, and the friends they make at their new school. The school is newly built, beside the abandoned old building where her grandmother (and her mum was there too maybe?) was once the headmistress. Due to the urbanization of the area sleeping spirits are now awake and vengeful. It's then up to the gang to seal away the spirits and discover the truth about Satsuki’s family.
Yeah.
The show didn’t do well in Japan. The original show was poorly written, with horrible art and had about as much emotional depth as Scooby Doo. Facing bankruptcy the company decided to ship it out to America where the Western anime boom of the early 2000’s was in full swing and where localized shows such as Dragonball and Pokemon were making hella cash. Eventually, the show was bought by ADV films, under the condition that the characters names remained the same, the plot more or less remained the same and that it had to sell. The original script was thrown out and the voice actors almost entirely ad-libbed the entire thing in time to the mouth-flaps.
And the result is what I’d like to talk about. Because the result is something. An almost entirely ad-libbed dub turning the show from a supposedly tense horror drama to a black comedy.
And oh boy is it something.
The vintage of this particular product is apparent and does throw out some dated references as well as some dated humor, akin to South Park's more crass gags which may not be to everyone’s taste. Ghost Stories is considered by some to be polarizing and some anime connoisseurs despise it, claiming that the dub strips away the art of the original work...yeah.
Most surprisingly to me was that I expected the gag to have run out by the end of the first episode, especially by the end of the second, however like a good car crash, I am unable to look away from Ghost Stories.
WARNING : This series about an detailed play through of Final Fantasy 7 and will of course contain spoilers. But then again, the game did come out in 1997.
Once again on the train, a business man bitches about how you damn delinquents are ruining his commute, but you have to admire his dedication to his work, heading out even after all that terrorism. However this becomes worst when the trains security checks happen sooner than they expected and the gangs ID cards are discovered to be fake. As they make their way through the train, the threat level rises. Thankfully, Cloud manages to take a moment to question Tifa’s intentions and Jessie disguises herself in a Shinra uniform. Then they jump out of a moving train like it’s nothing.
In the underground tunnels, they come across a Shinra ™ laser grid gate. Cloud finds a small ventilation shaft and Barrett becomes nervous that his giant meat fists won't fit through. Eventually they make their way through and Jessie reveals she made Cloud’s ID card special, which is why it failed, because why not take that chance and screw up during your super important mission.
Once inside the reactor, everything feels very familiar and you make you’re way through with each until you reach the reactor. Suddenly, Cloud falls to the ground and begins hallucinating.
He’s inside the Mako reactor. On the floor is a sword. A younger Tifa is kneeling on the ground next to a dead man.
"Papa..."
"Sephiroth did this to you, didn't he!?" she asks. The young Tifa, the picks up the sword and runs, declaring her hatred.
What does it mean? I guess we can assume Sephiroth killed Tifa’s dad but it still doesn’t add up to much.
Cloud comes round, Barrett and Tifa are trying to help him But Cloud brushes it off and hurries to the bomb detonation. Unless last time, this device the three of them to press the button in unison and holy shit, it’s not easy. It took two of us almost 10 minutes to get the timing right and undermining all of Clouds characterization thus far as now he seems like an incompetent boob.
However, we did eventually press the button when suddenly they are ambushed by SOLIDER soliders™. Ominous music starts, as President Shinra presents himself to them. He mocks them lazily and mentions Clouds weird eye, a sign he’d been exposed to Mako. And Barrett retorts with some A* grade backchat.
And then he leaves for his dinner plans not before dropping the Air Buster : Techno Soilder, which prompted my partner to start to sing :
Meet the Air Buster-
Techno Soldier -
Fighting weapons development -
With a tasty sound’
And the pair of us making stupid techno music jokes during the boss fight with it’s Metal Gear Solid 1 sounding boss music. After defeating it, President Shinra flies away in his indoor helicopter to his dinner arrangements and the bridge they are stood on collapses, leaving Cloud hanging on for his life. Neither Barrett or Tifa does much to save him. But Tifa starts yelling something about how much she had to tell him but then the bomb goes off and Cloud falls to his untimely demises.
Cut to Black.
...You all right?
...Can you hear me?
Cloud wakes up in a flower patch, inside a church - the Flower Girl from earlier is standing over him. Somewhere in the background Chrom is waiting with a wedding ring*
Cloud sits up and she asks if he’s alright. He’s alright as much as someone who just fell Jesus knows how far can be. The Flower Girl beings tending to her flowers, telling Cloud that it’s the only place in Midgar that flowers can grow, is inside the old church.
She asks if you remember their first meeting, but regardless of your answer she’s happy that you bought a flower from her. She then tells you about her useless materia and asks if you want to talk, then carries on tending to her flowers. All she does it tell you about the fucking flowers though and that her name is Aerith. Cloud then smugly claims he does a little of everything and is then hired as her bodyguard, in exchange for a date. The man who before was demanding money for his work, is now happy to work for free because of the chance he may get some.
At the entrance of the Church a mysterious figure appears and in the promise of mild petting Cloud confronts them.
"I don't know who you are, but....You don't know me.....?
......I know you. ‘
Three Shinra guards burst in and we learn the man is the door is Reno . It’s revealed these mean are Turks - some shady motherfuckers who work for Shinra.
Aerith’s brother who calls Cloud a weirdo before Cloud and Aerith run away.
Reno walks over the flowers like a dick and the guards become upset claiming he’ll catch holy hell and announce that The Ancient is getting away. Thus declaring Aerith is plot relevant.
The guards chase them into the back of the church where Cloud runs up to the rafters and some bullshit with some barrels happens which Aerith tries and fight off the guards.
Eventually they find their way through a hole in the roof of the church and get away.
If you’re the sort of person who questions the scientific validity of Pacific Rim, then Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure isn’t for you.
A series with a slightly confusing history for a new comer - starting life as a manga series written and illustrated by Hirohiko Araki and serialized in Weekly Shōnen Jump between 1986 and 2004 the manga spans several storylines and well over 100 volumes. Then between 1993 and 2003 A.P.P.P made a series of OVA’s covering fragmented pieces of the third arc Stardust Crusaders and in 2007 a movie of the first arc Phantom Blood was made and was seen by literally no-one, and disowned by the series creator it was that good.
Fast forward to 2012 when David Production, the studio who also made Soul Eater and the anime adaptation of Hyperdimension Neptunia, neither of which are shows I’ve seen, released the anime adaptation of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure that I’m going to talk about right now.
The show follows the Joestar bloodline throughout ages, starting with Jonathan and his battle against adopted brother, human-turned-ancient-Mayan-vampire and actual shitstain Dio Brando and his desire to for unknown reasons ruin Jonathan's life and eventually take over humanity I think. And Jonathan has anti-vampire hamon powers, which is something to do with water, breathing and Viking wind energy from the north...I guess…
Heavily character driven Jojo’s charm lies in its simplicity; the plots are uncomplicated, allowing the large casts of well realized but again not overly complex characters to take the limelight. And somehow, somehow it makes you care. By some unfathomable feat the show makes you care about those idiots.
The show expects you to keep to its own strange logic for long periods of ‘just go with it-ness’ such as a complete rewrite of British history to merely facility the existence of two side characters and the understanding that a single street contains all the criminals in the east-end of London. Things happen because the show says they happen so the plot can move forward.
Yet what is truly astounding is the shows ability to burst its own stupid bubble when it needs to with startling moments of pure logic and lend your suspension of disbelief a helping hand. As the show ramps up the increasing ridiculousness, you as the audience just go with it and begin to think within the universe’s logic, predicting more and more outlandish ways for the characters to overcome their adversaries. And it is here when the show slaps you in the face and calls you a moron because the answer was so simple all along - the reason they knew it was a demon in disguise and not a damsel in distress is because her hands were on backwards. Obviously.
On the topic of ‘just go along with it’ a few words need to be said about the art - it’s awful. And hold on, I can hear you getting angry at me, but you know I’m right. The shows art style is a strangely charming broken anatomical mess but beautifully animated. The show knows exactly what to do with its budget - everything is detailed and considered. Visually impressive and interesting throughout, it needs to be seen. Particularly when intense moments are highlighted with amazing colour swaps. Plus if you love impossible feats of contortion while striking poses then you’re in the right place.
It’s really bad, but in a really good way.
On paper, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure should be awful. With no respect for plot structure, character development, or the anatomy of actual human beings, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is so much better than it has any right to be. A large cast of loveable, distinct characters and an endless series of contradictions time and again, the show never lags and the joke never runs out. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is joyously stupid, fast paced, shōnen anime and like it’s protagonist, has a big heart.
*Not recommended for anyone looking for in depth plot or characters or anyone who knows what a human man actually looks like.
I’ve never played a Final Fantasy game, despite JRPG’s being my bag and all I thought I’d take a crack at it and finally play Final Fantasy 7.
Warning : This is a moment by moment account and contains spoilers...obviously.
We open to the stars in the night sky and the face of a young woman. The camera pan’s through dark dingy streets and out over the city of Migdar and back down to a different place - a train station. You’re thrown immediately into the action without any of the prologue or world building a lot of similar games indulge in.
We meet Cloud ex-SOLDIER who is rude to everyone, Barrett and AVALANCHE - a terrorist cell working to destroy the evil Shinra, who we can only assume at this moment is an evil corporation. You fight some girls with no explanation of the battle system and you simply push buttons and hope for the best which is enough for now and proceed forward to the reactor. Barratt constantly breaks card for being an arrogant and trustworthy arsehole and cloud does nothing but behave like an arrogant untrustworthy arsehole.
Barrett explains that AVALANCHE are working to save the planets as the Mako reactors are sucking the worlds life blood but Cloud doesn’t really give a shit.
After arriving at the reactor Barrett instructs Cloud to attach and detonate the bomb. Suddenly the screen dims to red and someone beings talking inside Cloud's mind.
‘ Watch out!
This isn't just a reactor!! ‘
What does it mean? Not a clue.
They blow up the reactor regardless and hightail it out of there, but not before your first boss battle with Guard Scorpion. Here not being taught much about the battle system becomes an issue, as you’re no longer able to bumble your way through with button mashing and low level enemies. A handful of deaths and replaying the entire start later because you didn’t save the game properly, you are well on your way to getting the hell out of the reactor because there’s only ten minutes before it blows.
On the way, Cloud saves Jessie - a member of AVALANCHE whose leg got caught, suggesting he’s maybe not a total shit.
Outside they pause and watch as the reactor blows up, bright green in the night sky. Crawling out from underground tunnels, the gang plan to head back to their base to celebrate an act of terrorism well done, they then depart their separate ways.
Cloud run into the young woman from the opening scene trying to sell flowers, seemingly unperturbed by the mass destruction taking place so near to her as people run away in fear, and tries to sell flowers to Cloud. People around him are panicking and Cloud is spotted by the police. He tries to fight them off but eventually he’s surrounded and informs the police -
"I don't have time to be messin' around with you guys."
Bored of the police’s shit, Cloud backflips off a bridge onto a train and is away. Mildly bored throughout. He is of course too cool to have emotions.
Meanwhile on the train Barrett and the rest of AVALANCHE wonder where Cloud got too and if he’s alright, when he suddenly appears from the roof, cool look remark
‘Looks like I’m a little late’
And his wink at the camera ready. Barrett yells at Cloud for being a selfish assehole, and Cloud simply shurgs him off but who needs the human compassion when you have a sword bigger than you are and a terrible past?
On the train passengers talk about the destruction of the reactor and we learn that the city of Midgar is an underground Orwellian nightmare made up of 8 sectors and a central column that holds the literally ceiling up with a spiral shaped rail system stringing them together. Jessie laments that because of today's events security will greatly increase . Cloud wonders aloud which everyone doesn’t just go live above the surface, having no concept of an oppressive class system and is quickly shut up by Barrett.
Off the train they head back to their home ; Seventh Heaven, a bar and the secret hideout AVALANCHE. Clouds mere presence upsets, Barrett’s adopted daughter Marlene and we are introduced to Tifa, a childhood friend. Marlene does everything she can to avoid Cloud, and I am more surprised more people don’t feel the same way...
Barrett calls everyone to a meeting down his secret pinball machine left, leaving Cloud and Tifa alone to have a drink. Once again Cloud is a hardass who only wants to get paid and leave but Tifa tells him he’s looking tired. He ignores her and leaves for the meeting. During the meeting they discuss how the next reactor will be in Sector 5 and Barret accuses Cloud of still working for Shinra. Cloud leaves, reiterating he doesn’t give a shit about the destruction of the planet and demanding his payment.
As he’s storming out ...get it...storm...Cloud… - Tifa stops him, reminding him of a promise he’s made her.
Here we see a flashback in which Cloud reveals his desire to join Soldier and Tifa makes Cloud promise that if becomes famous and she is ever in trouble that he’d have to help her. Tifa uses this promise, despite him not being famous nor her being in trouble - simply because he joined SOILDER as he intended to make Cloud stay with AVALANCHE. Barrett joins them where Cloud insists he is paid more next time. Tifa agrees saying they can use the money they intended for Merla’s education - not only emotionally blackmailing Cloud but robbing a child of an education in the process. Cloud agrees.
The next day they make the preparations to destroy Reactor 5 and they leave Marlene, a child, in charge of the bar.
I have a problem. A rather serious life long affliction. The Binding of Isaac.
A, in my case, unendable task. A burden on my back.
It is no understatement to say I love this game, but it's probably better to say I am a slave to this game. As I type this, I would rather be sat on my sofa playing it. At any moment of the day I think I’d rather be playing it. I’ll be playing it and announce ‘fuck it!’ ...only a few minutes later to start it up again and continue where I left, with a renewed hope that this time will be different. This time I won't run into flies like a moron, or I’ll find some more health. Maybe a secret room that leads to my success, maybe this time I’ll beat another boss and unlock another sacred item.
Each defeat deflates me, each victory exhausts me. Each defeat encourages me, each victory empowers me .
I have a seriously fucking problem. I have so many other games I want to play. Hell I have been saying I’ll play Bayonetta since October and yet, every time I find a spare moment I am playing The Binding of Isaac.
A few months ago, I thought my interest would wane as the game increased in difficulty and I believed I’d hit a wall. Then I overcame the wall.
And it happened again and again and again.
I used to say I’d never Platinum God the game, until I achieved Golden God.
I used to say I’d never Platinum God the game, until I beat Mega Satan.
I say I could never Platinum God the game until I beat every boss as every character.
And now I can’t go back. Now I am at the start of act three in journey, the part where you think I’m about to die and all odds are stacked against me and I somehow, against the odds, survive and conquer me foes, those fucking flies.
I, once a women who would fall to Monstro every single time, endless defeated by Dingle, afeared of Larry Jr’s wrath, now laughs in the face of my former incompetence and destroys them with ease, and one occasionally whilst writing a text message with my other hand. Now I fear no boss fight*
Perhaps this is a demonstration of the strength of the human soul. Proof, if proof ever be needed that the human will is the most powerful force in the universe and that if we believe, we shall conquer all and become a god in our own way.
At least it would be if it wasn’t for the announcement of the fucking Afterbirth DLC. Because now my story has a sequel - the road before has stretched further, and before me is nothing but flaming shit, internal organs and flies.
‘And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor,
‘I just got 28 for 10’, it’s a Sunday and my boyfriend is at work and in our relationship, it’s perfectly acceptable that I send him texts to update him on my KD. Me and Dale (that’s the other half) play Battlefront together when we can’t see each other, which is quite often considering we live three motorway junctions apart and both have full time jobs. Believe me, there’s nothing better after a long day at work than defeating the rebel scum with a loved one. Romantic, no?
Dale bought Battlefront with me in mind because, at the time, I didn’t have a PS4 and being a huge Starwars fan, obviously needed to play it. Well he said he bought it with me in mind, let’s be honest, we all know he wanted it as much as I did, so I let him have this one. It only took perhaps just over a week before I caved and found myself £300 out of pocket but with a shiny new PlayStation 4 and of course, Starwars Battlefront.
When I first started playing, I wasn’t great, I’ll be honest with you. I haven’t found a first person shooter where the game rage doesn’t overtake the enjoyment, but this one seems to have achieved it. Maybe the playing with whole the boyfriend thing helps (probably). Dale is just good at games so obviously he just took to it straight away, much to my annoyance, but thanks to his top tips, none of which I can recall now, I have managed to improve ever so slightly. And yes, I do text him with updates if I think I’ve done well, I just want my boyfriend to be proud of my Battlefront efforts, okay?
The healthy competition that comes from playing together is good for our relationship, we currently have a little thing going with who can get the most head shots. I was winning, very briefly before the master marksman over took me. Don’t worry, I’ll get my title back, somehow… Of course we always get a little bit competitive over the amount of kills during a match, but that’s just normal gaming behaviour and not related to the fact we are in a relationship. Most of all, I like playing objectives with him, we take everything a tad seriously and aim to be the best two in the game, like some kind of gaming power couple. I cringed whilst writing that and I am not even sorry. Although sometimes there have been game rage related crossed words, especially when we are tired, the majority of the time we just have a blast, see what I did there? Someone stop me, please…
Moving swiftly on, overall I enjoy the game a lot; for me it’s highly reminiscent of Halo, but Starwars themed and seems to have less, well, rage than COD. There is a great variety of maps, so you get a chance to actually utilise long, medium and short range blasters and, for lovers of the franchise, you get to visit Hoth and run around the Millenium Falcon. Of course, I’m sure a lot of players will agree with me here, EA do need to get their act together and release some DLC, I want new blasters and playable characters please! And I do enjoy that it has become a bonding experience within my relationship. Date night? No thanks, let’s just stay in and play Battlefront until 3am. It’s a much better plan.
