Fake Comic Book Plots

[fakecomicplots]

Avengers 2 (1963)

(cover by Jack Kirby and Dick Ayers)

After defeating Loki, Thor, Hulk, Ant-Man, the Wasp, and Iron Man all go get shawarma at Tony's suggestion.

Iron Man suggests they form a team in case Loki or another villain threatens the planet.

Thor says, "Nah. I can protect yon Midgard."

Hulk says he's strongest, doesn't need weak tin man's help.

Ant-Man and Wasp say they're in, and Iron Man sighs.

Little do they know...a strange phantom lurks nearby, invisible to our heroes’ eyes. This phantom comes from a planet far away —he’s a Space Phantom if you will — and he’s here to find out if Earth has any powerful beings that could defend against an invasion. He must stop these heroes from forming a team.SP would try to possess Iron Man but the man wears a suit of accursed metal, his species’s weakness. So he possesses the Hulk and smacks Iron Man through the restaurant’s wall out into the streets. 

They all try to stop Hulk, who in addition to his strength seems to be exhibiting strange new powers like telekinesis and neon energy beams. Not only that, but he’s speaking in a different dialect, calling humans “Earthlings.” Wasp intuits that something must be controlling Hulk and Ant-Man improvises, hacking into his ant controlling helmet to determine yes there’s a force controlling the Hulk.

Wasp says, “I know, I said that.” They both shrink down and attack the Hulk’s eyes, since eyes are the window to the soul. This temporarily blinds the Hulk, which blinds the Space Phantom by proxy. Thor gives Hulk / SP a huge wack on the head, and Hulk / SP goes reeling.

Dazed and blind, the Space Phantom goes to leave Hulk’s body and possess Thor instead, but he doesn’t realize that Iron Man has moved in to attack and is now where Thor was. When SP’s spectral form comes in contact with Iron Man’s metal armor there’s a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, and SP is no more.

“Well that was weird,” Iron Man says, “anyway see what I mean? This stuffs going to keep happening, we’re better off as a team.”

“Forsooth, verily. I agree,” Thor says, “you have convinced me of yon argument. The son of Odin will join thou.” He looks over at the Hulk, recovering from the possession. “What about you, green giant? Will you join our ranks?”

Hulk, still confused by the possession bit, is aggressively noncommittal on the whole thing.

“Alright, well that’s 4 members and a maybe,” Iron Man says, “that’s a start.”

"But what should we name ourselves?" Wasp asks.

Everyone stands around, dumfounded. It did not occur to any of the men that things have names.

Hulk, still catching up, asks "Where is ghost man? No one controls Hulk and gets away with it."

Thor offers, "If you ever find this ghost man, Thor will help avenge you, my friend."

"Boom!" Wasp says, "Got it. Avengers!"

Everyone shrugs and nods, and the Avengers are born.

[fakecomicplots]

Avengers 1 (1963)

(cover by Jack Kirby and Dick Ayers)

Loki shows up in NYC. "Bah, humans. My brother Thor loves them but I will kill them all." He looks at a dude and turns his hat into snakes. "Bah. Lol."

Thor shows up. "Stop that, um, I mean, thou shalt stop it."

Loki refuses. Also, he's brought along the Elder Feather, which he's stolen from a vault.

Loki uses the Elder Feather to summon someone strong enough to beat Thor. It's the Hulk! However, the plan backfires and Hulk and Thor team up against Loki. Loki teleports away.

Now in his Ice Tower, Loki uses the Feather again and summons Iron Man and Ant-Man and the Wasp to help him beat Hulk and Thor. He lies and tells them that Hulk and Thor are going to destroy America.

Loki faces off with Thor while the rest fight the Hulk. But when Loki summons a bunch of trolls to fight Thor, Wasp realizes that Loki must be the evil one. They all team up to beat Loki. 

THE END