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@faktapsoul
artsy
œ
Gue orangnya setengah-setengah. Sering banget bikin resolusi dan goal yang ujung-ujungnya kalau ga lupa, ya ga terlaksana. Setiap tutup tahun di bulan Desember misalnya, selalu tarik napas karena ga berhasil mencapai milestones yang udah âterbayangâ dari tahun sebelumnya. Apa ga setengah-setengah itu namanya? Terus gue kalau lagi suka sama sesuatu seringnya âmusimanâ. Kalau lagi suka, sukaaaaaa banget. Tapi abis itu bosen dan mau move on ke hal lainnya. Contohnya aja nih, dari segi makanan. Ada waktunya gue suka makan es krim Mcd yang McFlurry Oreo. Nah dalam kurun waktu 7 hari itu gue setiap hari makan es krim itu terus. Sampe enek, sampe liat bentuknya aja udah males. Eh, tapi ada 1 hal yang ga akan bikin gue bosen sih, dan ga akan pernah bosen : kopi !
Ngomongin soal setengah-setengah, gue sekarang kebetulan lagi dapet tugas kantor buat meliput orang-orang yang passionate soal pekerjaannya. Gara-gara itu, gue sekarang jadi lumayan menggebu-gebu buat mulai menulis lagi. Dan tadaaaa.. hadirlah tulisan ini. Tapi gue harus hati-hati nih, karena gue orangnya suka setengah-setengah. Pikirannya menclok-menclok dan suka gampang bosen. Semoga bisa disiplin nulis deh mulai sekarang.
So anyway, ngomongin soal setengah-setengah ya. Gue paling setengah-setengah itu kalau menyangkut soal rasa nasionalisme. Biasanya menggebu-gebu kalau abis terlibat dalam acara apa gitu yang menyangkut soal Indonesia, tapi langsung ciut lagi kalau ingat mentalitas warga dan realita yang ada depan mata. Kemarin itu, masih di bulan ini, gue lihat puluhan orang berkumpul di Kemendikbud, bersiap-siap mewakili Indonesia di acara internasional Frankfurt Book Fair. Nah kalau lagi begitu, rasanya gue terharu, bangga, dan merasa unik jadi orang Indonesia. Segitunya loh mereka mau mengenalkan Indonesia ke mata dunia. Dan orang-orang asing itu, mereka sebegitu semangatnya mau mengenal lebih jauh seperti apa sih Indonesia.
Di lain acara, seorang Pandji Pragiwaksono bilang, kalau di dunia internasional, bahasa Indonesia itu cukup banyak peminatnya. Terus gue kayak, âHahhh? Ga salah? Bahasa Indonesia?â. Ternyata bener tuh ga salah denger. Bahasa Indonesia tepat berada di urutan ke-8 deretan bahasa yang paling diminati untuk dipelajari di kalangan mahasiswa dan pelajar. Wow. I wasnât expecting that.
Tapi yah, sayangnya gue baru sampai tahap mengagumi orang-orang itu. Gue sendiri sih, boro-boro bangga, kadang maluuuu kalo pas chatting ngaku gue orang Indonesia. Bukan karena banyak yang ga tahu Indonesia dimana, tapi karena sikap orang-orangnya. Karena korupsinya. Karena orang-orang Indonesia sendiri itu kebanyakan kayak gue. Mau kebarat-baratan tanpa peduli akar budayanya. Terus gue mikir lagi, âLah ya pantesan aja gue ga bangga jadi orang Indonesia. Anak-anak mudanya aja banyak yang setengah-setengah kayak gue. Bangga ngga, ya biasa aja.â
Padahal, seandainya aja gue ga setengah-setengah, pasti event dan komunitas semacam IYC, Idea Fest, dll makin banyak dan negara ini makin maju, at least dari segi mental anak-anak mudanya.
Jadilah gue yang masih belajar buat jadi 1 bukannya setengah ini, masih harus banyak âdigeberâ sama orang-orang yang punya semangat menggebu-gebu. Karena gue orangnya bosenan. Karena gue orangnya musiman. Tapi juga mungkin karena selama masih setengah begini, gue hidupnya masih masuk status dormant. Lalu apa yang bisa diharapkan dari organisme yang statusnya dormant? Tidak ada? Exactly.
Waktunya bangun dan punya sikap, ga takut menggenapi diri jadi 1 bukannya main aman dan selalu jadi  œ .
26 Agustus 2015 (10:09)
When will i have the nerve to just be happy and not letting other people ruining my day?
TI on depressed mode
I'm no longer expecting you to understand. I'm simply asking myself to just back off and let dissapointments flow through my veins.
Turbulensi Inspirasi
I know what you're thinking. It's not even in the same theme. It's better.
turbulen inspirasi
Sometimes we remember small things. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes I care too much, sometimes I don't give a damn
When will people invent a STOP button and we will be able to stop whatever shitty feelings that came to our heart? You just can't stop. You are not capable of understanding the word 'stop', or 'enough'. You just can't stop, can you?
TI
Oh dear i hate exaggerated person. They not putting themselves directly under the spotlight. Instead they stand in the most dark room but with the faintest voice, whisper âI am the best.â
TI
The wishes I need to let go
I wish I don't have a heart. But I have a heart, a gentle kind of heart. It breaks easily. I wish I don't have wishes. But I have tons of wishes, how I want to spend my life, how my days should be, how I wish everything is okay. I wish I don't have to cry. But instead I cry a lot, and when I cry it's hard to stop. I cry like a weeping baby and it's not okay. I wish I don't get hurt from little things, like words or thoughts. But I got hurt from just a simple act, or harsh words, and there is no comeback. When it hurts, it hurts like a goddamn needle pointed to my feelings. I wish I have nothing to complain about. But I complain a lot. A little flaws here, another mistake over there it's just I live by spreading complaints everywhere. I wish I could just be numb, like a rock kind of numb. But I never be able to be numb. I cannot just face-staight-ing all things and leave every feelings behind. I wish you read this, I really do. And I wish you know how much it hurts when you yell at me instead of telling me softly. I wish.
my world revolves around you, and yours are around others. shame, indeed i agree.
turbulensi inspirasi
tentang mengeluh
kadang-kadang saya lelah mengeluh. sesulit apa sih memangnya, menjalani satu saja putaran matahari tanpa keluhan? susah, ternyata. ada saja yang saya keluhkan. dan lucunya, semakin saya tahu saya justru semakin banyak mengeluh.
padahal tidak ada yang ditutupi, padahal semua dibagi. kadang saya juga bingung sampai sepanjang apa keluhan diri sendiri bila ditumpahkan semuanya. mungkin tidak ada habisnya, atau kalaupun ada, mungkin orang sudah keburu mati karena bosan menunggu tumpahannya usai.
lucu kadang kalau dipikir, betapa saya begitu mudah mengeluh dan betapa kamu begitu mudah bingung kenapa saya terus menerus mengeluh. lebih lucu lagi karena tak lama berselang saya akan terus menerus bertanya dalam hati âhow come you didnât see whatâs been upsetting me?â dan kamu akan terus menerus berpikir dalam diam âwhat now? what did i do that makes you so upset?â
saya sedang lelah mengeluh, saking lelahnya sekarang saya sudah memutuskan untuk berhenti mengeluh dan menelan banyak hal bulat-bulat.
So
I am the one with a lot of complaints. I always complain here and there. Too rough, too much. So apparently I am the one who ask too much and cry too much. And maybe, in the slightest reflection, maybe I am. Maybe I'm that weak, maybe I'm that annoying. Just maybe, that's because you drill to deep, you act so plain, and maybe that's just because the way you are. So, I'll be numb, then. Be the one with no tears, no complain, no asking for more. So if that's okay, I'll learn how to be numb, and let's see who keeps hurting who.
menyebalkan padahal ini hari jumat
kamu mungkin punya akses bebas keluar masuk pikiran saya, punya free pass yang bebas biaya dan bebas digunakan kapan saja, tapi kadang kamu lupa kalau bagian lain tidak sepenuhnya bisa dirajai, perasaan saya contohnya. salah saya mungkin karena terlalu perasa. tapi menilik ulang apa yang kamu paksa, bagian mana dari cara kerja hubungan yang tidak kamu mengerti? kamu lontarkan kata2 yang seakan bilang, 'kata siapa posisi kamu sehebat itu', tapi toh kamu lakukan juga bagian 'harus-mau-ikut' bagianmu. berapa kali harus tersirat lewat tindakan diam bahwa spontan itu beda dengan keharusan. mungkin saya memang mencoba semua dari sisi saya, mungkin saya yang kelewat perasa. tapi pernahkah kamu tinjau ulang, kamu mungkin yang terus menerus membuat saya yang biasa jadi terlalu perasa? tidak ada salahnya tanya pendapat dan argumen saya sebelum bilang 'tidak' dan 'harus'.
To you.
Sheâs a kind of life you would never give up to. You will not find her everywhere, itâs like sheâs here on purpose. She looks like a dawn before the new shiny day. Her smiles brings you hope, her love define what love is. And as if she understand every sign, stops when she needs to, run when the road offered her freedom. You think it is nice for her to have you around, but it turns out that you canât live another day without her. To breath the same air with her, to hold her close when sheâs around, to whisper thoughts on her ears, those are things that you would put on your wishlist. Sheâs the pros and cons and spinning you over. Sheâs good, sheâs naughty, sheâs humble, sheâs overwhelming. You told them what you want, it is her, one and only. And you will follow her, because wherever sheâs bring you, she keeps you near, and youâll do the same. May all the kindness she brings, all the prayers you sing, and all the moments you spent together, tied with hope, sealed with love, and saved in peace.
â And I will let you know every single day, every single day, how much you mean to me â€
The sharing part is the one I hate
I asked you to give me the exciting life, and yet you came up with the best thing in life, love. A giant love that can light up the entire city in a blink. Weâre pretty bad when it comes to word romance. Ainât love is just so funny? Makes me feel like Iâve never falling before, and ease that queasy feelings of jealousy. If love is about sharing, then I donât mind living without love. Because Iâm a wrecked little bastard who never fond the idea of sharing attention, or love. But the more I crave, the scarier it becomes. So I no longer care, go ahead and share your part to the world. But it is your heart and mind and the whole you that is mine and mine only. And your love belongs to me. Me and me only. This possesive little bastard.
sometimes things happen for a reason. sometimes it just happen.
remind me, brain. to keep the 5 percent for myself. remind me.
TI