falimojk

my own evil twin.

[falimojk]

if anyone who drew my ocs during last year's artfight goes to my profile this year and asks why i massacred over half of my babies just know that i have turned into fucking saturn and time eats all his children in the end.

just kidding. i actually spent some time writing and trying to craft a coherent narrative and i realized that i absolutely do not need so many characters to get my thoughts across.

[falimojk]

david and cats — an uneasy alliance. especially in david's younger days.

[falimojk]

i’ve decided to take a break from writing fanfiction until at least the end of may. in my rush to get all my thoughts out before deltarune chapter 5, i’ve been writing so much since september that i’m starting to feel like i’ve been neglecting my other interests. i figured this would be a good chance to focus more on the story i’ve been trying to create myself, especially now that i have a lot more experience writing a coherent narrative than i did when i first came up with the idea.

this probably won’t be very interesting to anyone, so sorry for breaking my habit of not cluttering my account with random posts — but i kind of want to ramble a bit about some of the concepts and ideas i’ve been thinking about.

i should mention that i don’t really create characters around specific traits. usually i just have certain “vibes” and disconnected ideas that come to me naturally, and then i try to piece them together into a single fictional person, which can involve a lot of trial and error. so i guess i should start with the character who’s always been central to the story, but who’s also gone through the most drastic changes while i tried to shape his identity into something that matched the ideas i had in my head — david.

one of the things that has always stayed consistent about david is that he was inspired by a 20-minute one-on-one conversation i once had with a semi-public figure. i don’t really want to name the guy because i think some of what i’m about to say could come across as a little mean, but he’s a hungarian “artist” (people who know will probably know who i mean, haha). the conversation itself honestly wasn’t anything especially remarkable. he didn’t say anything particularly strange or unexpected — if anything, he was actually nicer than i had anticipated. he asked me a surprising number of questions about my life and seemed genuinely interested in what i had to say, while also being really patient with me being a little nervous and starstruck at first.

what actually stuck with me was the way he spoke, and how perfectly it matched the impression i already had of him. or maybe i realized that his public persona wasn’t really a persona at all — it just genuinely seemed to be the way he naturally was. he carried himself in a way that felt very effortless and sincere. basically, i realized that he really was just as mysterious and funny up close as he seemed from a distance, and that kind of led me to the thought that there’s probably just a category of people who are like that — naturally weird. special, but not in a way that really matters in the grand scheme of things. sort of “touched”, if you will.

another aspect was this idea of a ruthless auteur who will do anything to bring their vision into reality, no matter the cost — even if that means resorting to extreme measures like violence or threats. this, too, was inspired by a real person who will remain unnamed and whom i admire to some extent, though not without reservations and certainly not because i condone the worst of their actions. i just find the idea of someone so completely devoted to realizing the world as they see it in their head fascinating. at what point does artistic vision or visionary thinking become something pathological or destructive? where is the line between dedication and obsession, between conviction and toxicity?

here, i can also briefly mention someone else i feel loosely ties into this idea, alongside a few others — serge gainsbourg. i genuinely think there are very few artists i find more revolting than him. not just because of some of his actions or messaging, but because of how undeniably good his music could be while the rest of him often came across as hollow and even rotten. he almost feels like the ultimate rage-baiter of that era, because so many of his worst moments seemed driven by this endless hunger for attention or “hype”, to put it in modern terms. and honestly, that almost feels worse than if all of it had been completely sincere. at the same time, though, i can’t help but notice how committed he was to his craft. and i genuinely don’t know what to do with that contradiction. is that dedication something admirable? i can’t tell.

if we take a person whom i don’t really have any personal negative feelings towards in order to illustrate an adjacent idea, i’d probably go with david bowie — definitely an auteur, and someone with a remarkable talent for crafting characters and narratives. overall, a much more palatable figure than serge gainsbourg, though still not entirely free of controversy himself.

another thing i think about a lot, though this is on a slightly separate note, is the idealized view people tend to have of celebrities from past decades, especially the so-called rockstars. i do genuinely love older music, though i usually avoid saying that because i don’t want to be associated with the weird superiority complex some people attach to it.

but i also overthink everything, so sometimes it seems to me that we view musicians from the 60s, 70s, and 80s through this lens of mythologization where they stop being people and instead become symbols of some genre, movement, or aesthetic. i really dislike how so many horrible things ended up condensed into the phrase “sex, drugs, rock ’n’ roll”, because it reads like this thought-terminating cliché we’ve imposed onto the lives of actual human beings who made incredible art while also probably being in immense pain — and not even in a romanticized “tortured artist” way, but in a much uglier and more human sense.

my mom is a massive fan of the doors. i’m not, honestly — i don’t even fully know why. something about them just never really clicked with me, which is completely fine because art is subjective and one person’s opinion shouldn’t affect anyone else’s enjoyment of it. so when my mom decided to take me 1000 kilometers away from home to watch the 1991 film “the doors” in a theater where the tickets somehow cost 60 bucks (what the fuck?) i was basically just like, sure. the funniest part is that the movie was in english, and my mom doesn’t even speak english well enough to understand the movie.

but the film ended up leaving a really strong impression on me — probably not in the way she expected, though. when we left the theater, she asked if i thought it was cool. and i told her no, i thought it was overwhelmingly depressing. she asked why, and i told her that i genuinely couldn’t understand what was supposed to be so “cool” about watching a guy who is clearly in horrific mental anguish slowly kill himself in a way that becomes extremely unglamorous the moment you think about it for more than two seconds, while a crowd cheers him on and indulges his drug-fueled delusions of grandeur. and now that he’s dead, he can only exist as a legend, or a photograph, or some kind of martyr figure — not as an actual human being.

my mom basically told me i was lame for looking at it that way and said something like “you just don’t get it, that’s just sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll”. and for some reason, at that particular moment, that expression made me irrationally angry. people use this blanket phrase to avoid examining anything beneath the surface-level aura that figures like jim morrison undeniably had.

this whole thing happened back in 2019, and ever since then i’ve rewatched the doors with my mom every year. and somehow, every single time, i still fail to understand what exactly is supposed to be so cool about it.

but the movie always ends up making me think about similar situations where society turns a real person into a symbol — usually someone brilliant, charismatic, and dead far too early. people like michael jackson, elvis presley, james dean, marilyn monroe, jimi hendrix, freddie mercury, kurt cobain, and so on. i could probably add less internationally famous figures too, like viktor tsoi, or even my personal darling daniel balavoine. the moment a celebrity dies prematurely — before what we consider the “natural” end of a life — they stop belonging to themselves and instead become public property, a part of the larger collective subconscious.

on one hand, this process preserves their artistic legacy and keeps people emotionally connected to their work long after they’re gone. but on the other hand, it can also become dehumanizing. because once someone dies, their actual humanity slowly disappears from public perception. what remains is this collage made up of their most recognizable traits, quotes, scandals, aesthetics, and performances, all rearranged into a simplified image that often has very little to do with the complexity of the real person. and in the worst cases, that image can eventually be stolen from them entirely, because they’re no longer alive to object to the ways they are being interpreted, commercialized, distorted, or exploited — which is something that unfortunately happened to marilyn monroe to a frankly disturbing extent.

another aspect of this that i find incredibly strange, though maybe less obvious, is the obsession people have with conspiracy theories surrounding celebrity deaths. the inability to accept that a tragic accident, an overdose, an illness, or suicide could simply be what happened. instead, people insist it must have secretly been murder — preferably politically motivated murder, if they want the theory to sound more dramatic — or that the celebrity somehow faked their death and now lives peacefully on an island somewhere far away from public life. and i don’t know, there’s just something deeply unsettling to me about how normalized this is. because when you strip away the mythology, this is not a normal way to talk about real people.

this whole idea kind of reminds me of the song “kitsch” from the austrian musical “elisabeth”. the song basically makes fun of the exploitation and commercialization of the image of a very complex real woman — in a musical that is itself exploiting the image of sisi, though obviously not in a malicious way.

now, i’m not trying to say that we shouldn’t have idols, or depict real people in art, or anything extreme like that; i’m not claiming that i am innocent of any of the dubious actions described above either, and i don’t even believe that this is all inherently bad — i just think we should maybe calm down with the mythologization a little and be more critical of how we view these “legendary” figures. but even that’s totally optional: do whatever you want, i’m not your daddy — i’m just a random guy on the internet.

coming back to david, he’s sort of a combination of all these ideas in one character. a naturally weird but troubled rockstar who ends up hurting himself and those around him, and who builds bizarre characters that partially fulfill his fantasies and delusions while also keeping him from honestly examining his own life for too long. it becomes a kind of carousel he’s trapped on, one that only keeps going faster and faster until it crashes. and david wishes he had died — or maybe, on some level, he has always wished that. but he doesn’t. instead, he finds what feels like the ultimate escape from himself and the consequences of his actions in this mystical dimension of the talt, which allows him to inhabit the skin of one of his characters — the emperor. but the problem is that even as the emperor he keeps repeating the same pattern as before because even literal magic cannot help him to run away from himself.

well, that’s probably all in regards to the ideas that inspired david. maybe i’ll talk about the rest of my characters like this. :D

[falimojk]

Hi! I found your fic 'The American Dream' on ao3 and uh-- I love it so much. There's just such a cool vibe to the whole thing, besides all the things I notice in your writing that I could talk about for far too long. Your vision for these characters is so unique and compelling!

Would you mind if I made fanart for it, and posted it on my art account? With full credit to you and a link to your fic.

hi! firstly, thank you so much! i’m always grateful when people take time out of their days to read/look at the stuff i come up with. and secondly, yes, of course! go ahead of you want to!

i am actually so flattered! wow. the amount of inspiration that “the american dream” has generated is astounding. there’s an artist who has started a fancomic, and now there’s another artist who would like to draw fanart — not to mention all the people who leave their comments and are invested in the story… aaah!!! crazy stuff!

i was honestly hesitant when i posted the first few chapters. i thought my depiction of the characters involved would seem weird to the community. but after getting feedback, i realized that even if my interpretation was unconventional, it was at least entertaining — which is already a good result for me, lol.

sorry for all the yapping — though if you’re reading my fics, you can probably tell that i’m a yapper based on the long-ass notes i leave…

[falimojk]

whenever i see comparisons between undertale/deltarune and off, i can't help but wonder if off is more like a reverse undertale than a proto-undertale.

nowadays, whenever people talk about off, they usually say something like: "oh it's a game that judges your choices, but it did that before undertale." and i always think... no?

maybe it's just because i liked off even before undertale came out, but i've always interpreted the story of the game very differently.

where do you even see "choices"? you barely have any, except for the very last one — and as the judge himself points out, that one is basically meaningless, because the world is already dead by the batter's hands by that point. the whole thing is that we don't actually get a choice. that's what makes it such a bizarre experience: you feel like a kid being dragged around by a guardian, getting introduced to this scary but fascinating world, until it all suddenly falls apart. i feel like the real "bad guy" isn't the player — it's the batter himself, or whoever sent him on his mission — the mission that was already assigned before we even start playing.

sure, he starts out as this stoic "silent protagonist" type of character, but the more time we spend with him, the more opinions he starts showing, and the clearer it becomes that "purification" is his personal goal. he genuinely believes the world would be better off purified. by the time you reach the queen/vader eloha fight, it's obvious this whole thing is deeply personal to the batter.

so the batter has a morally dubious goal, and the only way he can achieve it is with the player's help. he basically uses the player by staying extremely vague about what he's actually doing and why. we only know as much as he's willing to tell us. and i think that's exactly why the reveal of the batter's "true", monstrous appearance in the special ending fight feels so jarring. like... this is what he actually looked like the whole time? and to us, he was just some baseball guy? you feel betrayed, but it's not really your fault — the game (or the batter himself) betrayed you by hiding the important things from the very beginning.

honestly, i feel like deltarune might be doing something pretty similar. i don't mean that kris is evil or anything, but they are clearly hiding something and might be using us for their own goals. i just don't think their goals are as fucked up as the batter's.

[falimojk]

today i found out that the creator of off the game/rpg has made a piece of starmania fanart… france is not a real place.

[falimojk]

i wanna post this here too, because i'm low-key kinda sorta proud of this lol.

human tenna and spamton from my bestie's fic. fun fact in their interpretation tenna's appearance is heavily inspired by claude françois, so i basically had to draw claude françois fanart even though i'm a bit of a hater /hj.

[falimojk]

my girlfailure oc leksi.

[falimojk]

i know i'm a million years late to everything but my unofficial goal for 2026 in terms of starmania is to make that animatic that i've been thinking about for YEARS.

the problem is that i don't have the best track record of finishing animatics. i've only tried making two. the first one (a fear and hunger animatic to "pinwheel" from "beowulf: a thousand years of baggage") had half of the rough draft corrupted by an app update and i got so discouraged that i simply quit. the second one (a deltarune animatic to "rush" by bohemian betyars) has the full rough draft complete, but i can't decide what to do with its bizarre artstyle i don't really like anymore as well as some ideas that i've changed my mind on.

the song and the idea for the "starmania" are very well-defined in my head, but the style would be so hard to actually execute (basically photobashing real images and rendering them in half-tone) that i'm scared to even try.

[falimojk]

human tenna, spamton and etty as a bonus. tenna’s like 6’8 and thinks tanning beds are the perfect place for a 3 hour long nap. spamton’s got vitiligo and mystery scars. pipette is definitely becoming legally blind in a few years.

i also drew tenna in the same pose as in a recent piece of fanart to compare the vibes i guess.

[falimojk]

addicted to drawing him with these specific proportions now.

[falimojk]

lil tenna. he looks like he’s asking for a belly rub lmao.

[falimojk]

okay, so coming out: i’m the anon behind this. i thought it was such a normal take, i didn’t expect it to blow up like this. i only posted it through the confession system because i wanted more people to chime in, and utdr confessions just has a way bigger reach than my account.

aside from the usual “op is stupid” stuff — which i’m not even mad about, that’s just twitter being twitter — i’ve seen a few responses that really caught my eye.

first up: “he’s just a tv, he only wants to be watched”. okay, so… yes, he’s a tv who craves an audience, but hasn’t the whole point of deltarune so far been that darkners are their own people, not just tools for lightners? by that logic, you could say “ralsei’s just the lonely prince, he only wants to serve lightners” — and sure, he loves being useful to kris and susie — but that doesn’t erase his own desires or right to figure himself out. ralsei and tenna mirror each other in this aspect, which is why that scene where ralsei tries to cheer him up but just makes it worse is so heartbreaking: it’s like the blind leading the blind.

next: “being adopted is his wish, so ignoring that denies his autonomy”. i kinda get this one, actually. he does ask for a new home and susie does promise to find him one. but come on — that’s right after his whole world falls apart, he’s in total crisis mode. of course he’s desperate to escape and pretend nothing happened; that’s just tenna — the king of denial and running away. giving him space to reflect, build some confidence, maybe even apologize to his old crew is not the worst idea. and hey, ralsei begs the heroes to “forget him” and “find real friends” — does saying no to that violate his wishes too?

oh, and just to be clear: i’m not against mettaton adopting tenna. give tenna away to mettaton? awesome. keep him? awesome too. let him die? a little sad, but your call. i’m all for seeing where these diverging paths go. with mettaton, though... what happens when the internet comes back online? does mettaton just ditch him? and i really hope mettaton doesn’t stay a shut-in forever — maybe tenna even helps him get out there. but would tenna handle mettaton getting a life? he flipped out over asriel going to college, and those abandonment issues aren’t fixing themselves. he’d probably spiral even harder.

castletown feels perfect for darkners like him — they can figure themselves out, meet new folks, become who they want to be. we’ve already got that one bloxer who wants to be arranged in an unusual way, or the dust bunny and swatchling bonding over cleaning. as the town grows, i think we’ll see more of that. and, in my opinion, this is the best environment for tenna to deal with his problems and become a more stable person before moving on with his life in whatever way that might be — and i do hope we can give him away to mettaton later. after all, castletown is literally the only place where he isn’t just “a big electric box attached to a wall”.

i invite whoever wants to discuss this to do so — politely. i think it’s possible to have a productive conversation here.

[falimojk]

the addisons.

[falimojk]

i’ve seen half-joking posts talking about the “ocfication of spamton” that some artists experience. basically, they add so many personal touches to the way they draw spamton that at some point he just looks like an oc. now, one of the things i love about “low graphics” games like deltarune is the ambiguity of canon designs — the sprites aren’t detailed, so it’s up to the fans to interpret them and let the visuals flourish in unique ways.

in short, i love the fact that the utdr community has been making up interesting lil design elements for spamton…

which makes the evolution of how i draw spamton the more unexplainable, because i’m experiencing REVERSE ocfication, as illustrated by the images below (my art of puppet spamton from september 2025 to january 2026, in chronological order).

the same goes for addispam. though there is no official design for this version of spamton, it’s still kinda obvious that i’ve leaned into the “canon” addison look for him in later iterations (again, september 2025 —> january 2026).

i don’t really have a conclusion or a point to make. i just think it’s hella funny that i’m doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing with spamton.

[falimojk]

oh no he blew up.

[falimojk]

god i have been writing so much fanfiction since october. like non-stop just typing my hands off every second of free time i have, during every boring uni lecture. jesus christ, i need a break. because i’m starting to feel like i’m losing my writing style — or maybe i’m just tired? — but i still have a gazillion things to say before deltarune chapter 5 comes out and rearranges the lore so much that none of my ideas will make any sense anymore lol.