I take responsibility for my actions and I have for a while now. I also don't ever want to be helpless again and rely on someone to help me and then depend on it. things that happen should just happen. the things I do. are because I have been able to distinguish what decisions I make based on what it will mean and do to me later. I haven't regretted anything I've given or done with you because life goes on. people leave each other's lives and it's more frequently that it happens not long after too. so I don't do anything I will regret later. or will hurt me later. I used to thrive on people's happiness and making them happy. I stopped doing anything for anyone because anything I ever did for people,, in the end I was left with nothing. but that's my own fault. maybe I take too much responsibility. maybe I've stopped learning that things hurt and people hurt me and I should care. but I don't blame them I blame my self for letting it happen.
"I hear all the time. but not everyone is like that. you just haven't met the right people."
no shit.... However I have met people who run organizations or it's their career or life to help people. and yet. why does it feel so disconnected. why is it that I find isolation more healing than being with someone? even a friend?
I found that I need to help myself before I can help anyone else. and that's a tall order because I've gotten pretty far to get where I have wanted to be and I still haven't had it in me to connect with anyone.
people are disposable. but is that what it means to really be human? if it is.... is rather not be one...
