Tales from the Wasteland

18+ only. This blog is a work in progress at this time. A place for memories and musings.

[falloutkinfessionals]

Inbox: OPEN

This blog is intended to be a place for falloutkin or fictives to discuss memories and experiences related to their source and/or daily lives.

Prohibited:

-Minors. This blog is 18+ only

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-Death threats towards a real person

-Community drama or "callout posts"

[falloutkinfessionals]

This is embarrassing. The first two times I took a hot bath in this life, I had flashbacks to when I was enslaved by the Legion. As far as their treatment of me goes, I was privileged due to being Caesar's doctor. A doctor has to be clean when unwillingly tending to his tyrannical, immunocompromised patient, right? Right. So. Yeah.

As soon as I was submerged in hot water, I remembered the hand in my hair, hands yanking me in every direction because some idiot thought the order to make sure I bathed meant doing it personally. Yeah, that didn't go over well. For anyone. Even after that incident, you can probably guess that having a bunch of soldiers watch you bathe is not the best experience. I remember the bath I took after Julie died. I couldn't do it, so they brought someone's slave in to wash me. Did she resent me? I would have. Here was this guy getting special treatment while people were lashed just for looking at someone in the face instead of the ground, for not doing a task fast enough. And he's getting regular baths and speaking out of turn in ways that would put any one else on a cross.

....

I don't know where I'm going with this. I still carry some guilt about the position I was in, the people I couldn't help.

The woman who washed me that night was beaten to death for eating food I gave her.

And here I am, doing a woe is me lap when I arguably had it better than any other person in that situation.

At least I can wash myself.

Baths are actually nice, once the memories fade and I can move. When I realize that there's no eyes on me, and I'm not there anymore. It'll get easier with time, probably. But yeah. That was an unexpected trigger.

Boo hoo, am I right? .... Yeah. I don't know.

-Arcade (fictive)

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[falloutkinfessionals]

It seems as if people believe that as you begin to grow into yourself, find who you are and live it authentically, as you reach out and create bonds with those around you, you will feel seen.

But they are wrong.

In a strange way, I've become a different ghost.

It was easier to be nothing but a force for the Legion. Back then, I didn't care about things like this.

- Vulpes Inculta

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[falloutkinfessionals]

https://www.tumblr.com/falloutkinfessionals/820768783575678976/i-dont-know-if-ask-responses-are-allowed-but?source=share

Hi, Arcade! I don't mind doubles at all, or responses to my asks. You're absolutely right, I get why nobody else thinks it's important or thinks any of that is my fault. I left when I was too young to have any memory at all of it. I think I'm expecting other people to still be as caught up in the old politics as I am. I know I'll never really be able to move past it, I've tried and it just hurts my head. It's always a conscious effort not a real change in viewpoint. Making that conscious effort is worth it when trying to guess how other people will feel, though.

I hope you're well,

Arcade, again

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[falloutkinfessionals]

I don't know if ask responses are allowed, but /820731398641025024/i-feel-like-everyones-lying-when-they-say-they?source=share I don't know if doubles bother you, and I can really only speak for my own experiences but I was a child when we had to flee. I didn't have any idea what the Enclave had done, I had to learn that gradually when growing up in the wasteland. I didn't really tell anyone, but the people I know now helped me understand that I mattered more to them than where I was born. What is there to forgive or condemn you for? It was a lifetime ago that has nothing to do with the person you are now. It's not anywhere near the implications it might have had once. The people who really matter won't look at that sliver of your life and let it define you. I hope in time you can do that too. Take care. - Arcade

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[falloutkinfessionals]

I feel like everyone's lying when they say they don't mind the whole Enclave thing now. If I were someone else talking to me, I'd still hold it against me. I know it's people trying to be nice, but it'll never stop feeling uncanny.

- Arcade

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[falloutkinfessionals]

Sometimes it felt as if the people around me didn't realize how beautiful the world was. They appreciated it in their own ways yes. They understood sky and earth. But wasn't the what was left of the Back When beautiful too, in its own way? There were people there once.

- Follows-Chalk

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[falloutkinfessionals]

I didn't know. I didn't know. I thought it'd be a white lie. I knew it was wrong, I knew she'd be scared. I knew. I knew. I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted to go home. I just wanted that damned collar off. I was at my breaking point. I was twitchy and irritable from withdrawals and I didn't know. I didn't know. I tried to talk her down. I tried to say sorry. She was right though, I was a monster. She had no idea how right she was. I'm sorry, kid. I'm sorry. It was you or me, and I wanted to go home. Fuck that vault. Fuck that place. Fuck Elijah. I stuck him like a pig. Hope that makes up for it. I know it don't.

-Six

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