boogles

ciggies with gighies

[fallow-blood]

I hate everything

[fallow-blood]

every cigarette tastes the same as the one I smoked for the first time with you no matter how many I have smoked since this is not about cigarettes

[fallow-blood]

who cares but I was never the same again and I knew that I will never be the same again and truly believed it in but who cares it's all over now 31012026

[fallow-blood]

21st basically

[fallow-blood]

I think we kissed on 20th ? it just makes sense ig 20th nov wow it's been long

[fallow-blood]

so I have come a long way and a longer way awaits me that's all I understand

[fallow-blood]

at the end every time I wish I was different so much more different than I am and I wonder why (11012026)

[fallow-blood]

so maybe one day you will have the courage to be my friend again or maybe one day I will be no chalant enough to not care at all

[fallow-blood]

maybe it's a sign to get over the past if I can't remember it then it doesn't matter and the future has something more promising for which there is a space in my heart and the gaps in my memory

[fallow-blood]

getting over you was the single most hardest thing for me and now I am missing details like the day we first kissed and that's a pity because why am I mourning the loss of tethers of the part I despise or am supposed to despise I hate how every cigarette still tastes like the first I ever smoked with you I wish I took more pictures of you of your pretty face of us together

and suddenly when it was over

I was scrambling for the remains

[fallow-blood]

26 though and I will begin again though it's harder now and I have no hold or anchor

[fallow-blood]

wish we become friends again clean state from the beginning wish I could be charismatic enough to make you notice the absence like you do for me

[fallow-blood]

wish I could have been better wish I could apologise wish you knew

[fallow-blood]

now you have a new boytoy

which is good for you

[fallow-blood]

it's been god knows how many years

today I fell down the rabbit hole

because for me

so many things still remind me of you

and I have healed

but it still chokes me

even the thought of us

do you think about me as well

[fallow-blood]

in moments of absolute rage, words I never could scream, hands balled up streched too thin

I hate you

[fallow-blood]

Apathy is the opposite of love

I am not scared of loving you, I fear not caring