I hate everything
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@fallow-blood
I hate everything
every cigarette tastes the same as the one I smoked for the first time with you no matter how many I have smoked since this is not about cigarettes
who cares but I was never the same again and I knew that I will never be the same again and truly believed it in but who cares it's all over now 31012026
21st basically
I think we kissed on 20th ? it just makes sense ig 20th nov wow it's been long
so I have come a long way and a longer way awaits me that's all I understand
at the end every time I wish I was different so much more different than I am and I wonder why (11012026)
so maybe one day you will have the courage to be my friend again or maybe one day I will be no chalant enough to not care at all
maybe it's a sign to get over the past if I can't remember it then it doesn't matter and the future has something more promising for which there is a space in my heart and the gaps in my memory
getting over you was the single most hardest thing for me and now I am missing details like the day we first kissed and that's a pity because why am I mourning the loss of tethers of the part I despise or am supposed to despise I hate how every cigarette still tastes like the first I ever smoked with you I wish I took more pictures of you of your pretty face of us together
and suddenly when it was over
I was scrambling for the remains
26 though and I will begin again though it's harder now and I have no hold or anchor
wish we become friends again clean state from the beginning wish I could be charismatic enough to make you notice the absence like you do for me
wish I could have been better wish I could apologise wish you knew
now you have a new boytoy
which is good for you
it's been god knows how many years
today I fell down the rabbit hole
because for me
so many things still remind me of you
and I have healed
but it still chokes me
even the thought of us
do you think about me as well
in moments of absolute rage, words I never could scream, hands balled up streched too thin
I hate you
Apathy is the opposite of love
I am not scared of loving you, I fear not caring