An Elegant Crime (♪)

independent Oswald Cobblepot. primarily BTAS and Arkham-based. selective. private. nsfw. written by Andy.

[adelphe]

[ofcoffinwoodarchived-blog]

“Ozzy, your faith in my survival skills has me flattered…” Sionis rasped, gloved hands clasped tightly as the mafioso steps forward. “Well, if I’m back from the dead then that makes me one pissed off fuckin’ ghost, don’t it? I’m not happy with what I’ve been hearin’ about you tryin’ to muscle in on my turf, Penguin. Not. One. Bit,”

[fancyfowl]

       His first instinct was to flinch, to back away from his rival’s advance, but he maintained composure. Fear was blood to the sharks, and a lifetime of dealing with sharks had left Cobblepot with tougher scales than that.

“ I’m surprised you can hear anything wearin’ that bloody skull casket, ” he replied. “ There’s plenty o’ room for advancement in this city, Roman. You didn’t expect me to just sit back ‘n do nothing while you were gone, did ya? Give me some credit, mate. ”

[creeporter-blog]

[5:44:01 PM] queer in the attic: He looks like a poor man’s Black Mask. Which … if you’re coming in second to Black Mask, you know you have some issues

@sionisisms, i think you might wanna help @fancyfowl tenderize his beef

[fancyfowl]

Now see here.. This was totally taken out of context and I meant you no disrespect, Roman ol’ boy.

nobody can come second to you m8.. because you’re already in dead last 

[fancyfowl]

quick Cobblegram

I just wanted to let you guys know that I’ll be undergoing surgery tomorrow, so I’ll probably not be able to get on for the next few days. Or maybe I will get on, in which case disregard anything I post cause that’ll probably be the meds talking. I wanna get to know you all better when I get back, so I’m lookin’ forward to that. XOXO penguin kisses <3 

[fancyfowl]

He had been watching her for weeks from the shadows and knew exactly where she would be. It was all too easy, really. The pretty little girl would be coming out of her perfect little job at this precise hour, give or take a few ticks of the clock --- but the Penguin was, if nothing else, a creature with all the time in the world. 

The blonde woman walked out of her job right on cue, as he had predicted, and he struck at once. Skulking from a distance, he finally approached her. 

“ Good evening, miss. A moment of your.. hmnn.. time, if you could? ” 

He knew she would find him repulsive and frightening, they all did at first. But his looks were the least of her problems now.

[fancyfowl]

         His gasp was audible; his excitement palpable. Seldom had he seen a woman of this class and magnitude before him, but to have her walk into his very own establishment was a cause for pause. 

“ Dear lady you are radiance incarnate! Such poise, such elegance, such finesse! I must know your name. ”

[fancyfowl]

“ Well well well.. If it isn’t ol’ Sionis back from the grave. What’s the matter, Maskie? Afraid people would ‘ave forgotten yer ugly mug? Baahaha! ” 

[fancyfowl]

HONK HONK! LIKE FOR A STARTER!~

I figured I need to break the ice, so here we go. I’ll be capping at 5, though.

[fancyfowl]

I’m about to start Arkham Knight for the first time.  (◕ v Q) Wish me luck yawl

[creeporter-blog]

           As far as job safety went, Jack was set – Gotham never had any shortage of news, mostly crime-related – but as far as safety on the job went, he was shit outta luck.  In one way or another, he always managed to get himself into trouble, and more often than not, he found himself face-to-face with one of Gotham’s rogues.  This didn’t look like it’d be any different.         —- At least, from what little he could see from under the burlap sack that had been forced over his head.  Once it was removed, however, he immediately wished it could be put back, as he was left to stare into the flabby, sagging face of Oswald Cobblepot. 

          ❛ P-Penguin.  A, uh– a chat, huh?  Wh-what can I do for you? ❜

[fancyfowl]

       “ Don’t play coy with me, Ryder! You know what you bloody well did. ” 

Oswald’s grand return to Gotham was going off without a hitch. Time spent abroad had done wonders for his mood and complexion -- not to mention draw off some of the heat brought on by GCPD investigations. His climb to power would come in the new guise of a reputable and trustworthy businessman. The Cobblepot name would once again dominate Gotham, he had vowed; today as a business magnate, tomorrow perhaps as Mayor.

---- This rebirth, however, was being threatened by one intrepid and unflattering reporter.

He puffed on his cigar, bellowing out another plume of smoke, and snapped his fingers. One of his nameless goons rushed over and placed a newspaper in the short man’s hand, which Oswald promptly opened with a sneer.

“ ‘Prodigal half-pint son returns! Will he face charges?’, ” he read aloud.  “ Very nice headline, Jackie boy. He’s got a way with words this one -- OH! -- wait, here’s my favourite part: ‘The proud and pompous potato-man prances predominantly unperturbed.’ ”  

[marlopoe]

[fancyfowl]

       Cobblepot stepped into the warehouse in a gale of smoke and laughter. The boys had finally nabbed his fidgety target, so he was in a rather pleasant mood this evening. Pleasant enough to have made him forget the blizzard which raged outside and the frost that still clung to his coat so bitterly.

“ Do you know what man’s biggest folly has always been? ” he roared to the rafters while waddling closer. At the center of the room was a person, bound to a chair, with a dark bag covering their sight. 

“ Well.. I reckon weakness would be number one. But if I ‘ad to pick a number two, I would say.. it’s definitely a big mouth! ”  With a mere nod, the bag was yanked off the kidnapped reporter’s head. 

“ You and I need to ‘ave a small chat, Mister Ryder. ”

[fancyfowl]

                               ❛ Please-- now that all the pretenses are off, call me                                 P E N G U I N.  A flightless bird, but one with style! ❜