Fantroll Review Corner

A fantroll review blog that reviews both good and bad fantrolls that's run by [Mod Calliope].

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I got a headache from reading this. Worst part is, I made this and I was serious.

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Sorry about the downtime!

Tumblr had a glitch in its server, which deleted my account. Thanks to the nice people at the Tumblr Tech Support, it’s now back up. I’m sorry about the downtime, and now I’m ready to continue reviewing your fantrolls.

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[I found this, and I thought you’d like it. This is, in fact, the mascot of the blog, as well as my first fantroll ever. She is also the first one I tried spriting. As you can see, it didn’t quite end well for our poor friend Jumoke/Vracho. Compare her to the new art, and you can obviously see how I’ve improved.]

[Oh, and I can’t find any info for her right now. The only things I can remember are her lusus (huge mole), her land (Land of Tunnels and ?), and her consorts (moles with cute little hardhats).]

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[I’ve decided to submit some of my old fantrolls on here, I hope you don’t mind. -mod Calliope]

[Edit: If you don’t want to see my fantrolls, you can blacklist #mod calliopes trolls.]

[Note: The text is unedited, except for the commentary, and dated at 6-14-2016.]

[Art review: The art is pretty bad, except for the outfits. I’m going to redo this soon. Also, the horns look vaguely sexual. I’m very sorry.]

Uganka Jumbaq is a yellow-blooded troll who enjoys doing puzzles, doing calculations, training her psiionics, creative writing, and coming up with jokes. She is really interested in trains, as well. [Because one of her horns looks like a train whistle?]

Sometimes, her jokes are really cruel. When she naively tells those jokes to others, and sees their response, she starts to feel bad. She finds it very hard to express her feelings without feeling embarassed [*embarrassed]. She relies on reason rather than her feelings, and she also finds it very hard to feel sympathy or empathy for anyone. She values justice higher than mercy, unless she is facing a highblood, which could make her look ruthless in the eyes of others. She doesn't go out of her way to make friends; friends just come to her, instead. [I’m impressed by my past self.]

She dislikes fighting, as she is not very physically strong, and she hasn't mastered her psiionics yet, so she might end up exploding herself. [Ok.]

She is afraid of accidentally blasting one of her friends or a highblood with her psiionics, and highbloods not liking her. [Wow!]

She is very hemoloyal, and very polite to highbloods. When she is thinking, she usually starts chewing on a pen. She is a good planner. She is also very organized, as she likes organizing things. She prefers to be alone to socializing.

Her ancestor is The Jokester. She was to entertain the highbloods with her clever, highbrow humor. But, unfortunately, she had no control at all over her psiionics, and ended up accidentally blasting the highbloods she were to entertain. Thus, she was sentenced to death. Her ancestor is the reason why she started training her psiioniics, and also why she is so hemoloyal. [I’m truly impressed! This is a good ancestor! : D ]

Her lusus is an elephant with an eye on his forehead, wings instead of ears, and psiionics. Uganka loves her lusus and treats him like a friend. [Why did I abandon such a truly awesome OC?]

Her trollhandle is elephasMystifier, and she only speaks in riddles that rhyme. She also uses words that have to do with puzzles and riddles very often, and she uses advanced words, too. She never swears under any circumstances. She has varied laughs depending on the context, and doesn't use emotes at all. [Past me was as creative as present me, I see. : D ]

Her strife specibus is penkind. Her fetch modus is Puzzle; it requires that you solve a unique puzzle or riddle to get your item. [Nice.]

She is a Derse Dreamer.

Her land is the Land of - and -. [I’m going to make up a land right now: Land of Puzzles and Manipulation (LOPAM)]

Her quest is to learn the rules and systems of her land and learn to use it to her advantage. [: ‘ D]

Her God Tier is the Mage of Mind. [One who receives knowledge from Mind? That’s pretty good, but I could do better, actually.]

--Extras--

She is an INTJ [Okay.]

[Final rating: A-. This is pretty good, except for the art. I’m redoing her sprite, along with others I will show you later on.]

[toastless-fuck]

Any fantroll review blogs still active?

Seems like they’re all dead. Please reblog with a comment (like, I dunno “here” or something) so I know who is active.

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I’m here.

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Fantroll for review

One sentence description: He is cool™

[Picture review: I hope this is a joke.]

General

Full Name: Assdic McFuck [*giggles* That’s not how you name a troll. Or maybe it is, because that follows the 6x6 naming rule.] Reason for name: He’s Mr. Destroy your datemate and also he’s Dirk and Eridan’s freak ectolab experiment. [Oh, that’s why he looks like…that. Also, Eridan was dead before Dirk was even introduced, so how is he even possible?] It’s perfect. [I do not ship and I can already tell that it’s definitely not perfect.] Nickname: Dic, Ass, Addict, McFuckie […] Reason for nickname: Dic & Ass - shortened name, Addict - born from typos, McFuckie - his moirail calls him this […] Age: 8 sweeps (17-18 years) [The age is okay.] Sex: yes please [*giggles*] Gender: Male Place of Birth: Ectolab Birthday: April 20th, 069 A.H (After Hussie/Homestuck) [Makes him even less likely to exist.] Currently living in: The new universe […] Species/Race: Troll/human fusion [No. Bad.] Ethnicity: Troll/ectohuman fusion [Still bad. Nothing has changed in the past few seconds.] Blood Type: Purple ??? [Eridan’s blood color, you mean? If it’s violet, why is part of his hair orange and why is his symbol brown?] Occupation: Leader [Of what?] Sexual Orientation: Extremely pan [Trolls don’t have a defined sexuality.] Social Status: Leader of the new troll society [Oh.] Relationship Status: Stealing everybody’s datemates [Oh no.] Status: Alive and not very well. he is immortal. he cannot die. its like a Kenny from South Park situation. always dying but nobody can keep him down. why wont he stay down. pls end this man [Happily. *readies a machine gun*]

Appearance

Body Build: really buff [Okay…] Height: 6'0 Weight: 169 lbs Skin colour: Grey [Makes sense.] Hair style: Spikey [*spiky], wavy, anime Hair colour: Black with an orange streak [That is more than a streak, my friend.] Eye colour: Yellow scalera [*sclera], black iris and pupil. [His iris should probably be starting to fill in with his blood color by now.] Distinguishing Features: His hair is very obvious. seriously wtf. also he buff. somebody stealing your datemate? that’s him. also freckles. [I don’t think trolls have freckles…] Preferred Clothing: A white tanktop with a dick on it, overtop of a black turtle neck. He wears black skinny jeans with purple stripes. His shoes are purple and orange. [Trolls think that fashion is stupid, dude.] Accessories: He wears triangular clear lense glasses. [Are his eyes triangular?] Also he got horns. [All trolls have horns.]

Health

General health: Good Posture: Bad Any physical illnesses?: He smokes weed everyday. As a result, his physical health is bad. Any mental illnesses?: This boy is the production of the two most fucked up characters in Homestuck. [Correction: You forgot that Gamzee is more f*cked up than both of them, and he’s my favorite troll.] What the fuck do you think his mental status is like. this boy shouldnt [*shouldn’t] be trusted to even lead himself out of a cardboard box. let alone troll society [Agreed.] Take drugs?: yes, everyday [Why.] Smoke?: he smokes weed [No.]

Mental/Emotional State

Archetype: The Jester […] Mental age: 13 years/6 sweeps (eternal) Act before thinking/Think before acting?: he never thinks. this boy doesn’t think Emotion-wise, generally: Bad. This boy has depression as fuck.

Conversation

Way of speaking: Very formal, but with a southern accent. nobody can take him seriously […] Common conversation starter: Howdy y'all Swears?: very much [*crickets chirping*] Made-up words?: yes Made-up language?: no

Likes/Dislikes

Likes: Fancy clothing, flirting, being a leader, not failing at being a leader, doodling dicks, doing drugs, making an honest living by selling illegal drugs, the “succ” meme, memes, pepe [No.] Dislikes: People who reply with just “k”, fake country boys and fake country girls, fake farmers, fake aristocrats, corn […]

Hobbies: Using the internet, memes, smoking weed, smoking memes, smooching your datemate, doodling dicks [Okay, this is getting even more ridiculous.]

Habits: Doodling dicks, watching My Little Pony, smoking weed, chewing his fingernails [Watching a TV  show is not a habit.]

Strengths/Weaknesses

Strengths: He is very stronk, he is immortal [No.] Weaknesses: Nobody takes him seriously, he’s kind of a prick (only kinda)

Skills/Abilities: he can do the magic [Highbloods don’t have powers.], he can make weed, he can build robots, he can think about and create memes, beans, he can flirt really well

Education/Intelligence

Education: None. there is no troll school. learn troll cuture [There are actually troll schools, mentioned here.] IQ: 666 […] EQ: -420 [……..]

Secrets: All he wishes for is a stable, domestic and sincere relationship with mutual affection and respect. Somebody to wake up next to every morning and tell that he loves them, and mean it with every ounce of his being. [That’s actually surprisingly good.]

Fears: he has a fear of abandonement [*abandonment]

Dreams/Goals: to rule the world, make a robot that will date him […]

Views/Opinions on… Government: only if he is in control Religion: no. he is god [*giggles*] Economy: all of the money should be going to him [Same.] Technology: good. he likes memes

Favourites Food: Ass an dick [*Cackles*] Colour: purple and orange Animal: seahorse Number: 420, 666, 69 Holiday: his birthday Season: summer. water is nice [Same.] Time of day: 4:20 AM Thing to watch: My Little Pony Movie: Equestria Girls Show: My Little Pony Type of art: Anime art Genre of music: Emo rapping J-pop dubstep [So, Vocaloid rap music with dark lyrics?]. very specific bran [*brand] of music Genre of literature: Romcom novels, because his uncle Karkat introduced them to him as a baby Genre of shows: Cartoon Genre of movies: Romcom ponies

History: He is an unholy amalgamation of Dirk and Eridan, created from their mutual love [Eridan was dead before Dirk was even introduced. How would they even be in love?] and also a little bit of ectoslime. He grew up in the new world, born to lead the new troll-human society to greatness. He is the bridge between trollkind and humanity. He is the Steven Universe of Homestuck [How can he be the Steven Universe of Homestuck… if he doesn’t exist?], except more of a prick. Less Moms, more Dads. He has so many dads [Correction: Exactly two dads.]. He grew up with his parents and their friends, and considering both of his fathers are so fucked up [Gamzee is more f*cked up than Eridan.], it didn’t turn out so well for him. As a result he has many fears and anxieties, and due to Karkat’s influence- isn’t as great of a leader as he should be.

Personality: INFJ, Taurus [Taurus isn’t a personality trait.], melancholic, very intense and serious. He is anxious, depressed and very insecure. He relies on others, though he is very creative and intelligent. He sees no worth in himself but acts as though he is the best of them all.

Relationships

Family: Dirk and Eridan, fathers. Uncle Karkat (not related). Love interest: Rosemary Lalonde-Maryam, the unholy amagamation of Rose and Kanaya is his moirail. Akwete Purrmusk Strider-Harley-Vantas is his kismesis, the unholy amalgamation of Jade, Karkat and Dave. Carl Lalonde-Crocker, the unholy amalgamation of Roxy and Jane.. Wait, so not so unholy. They are agender. He has a flush crush on them. [That was very hard to read.]

Friends/Allies: Rosemary (moirail), Akwete (kismesis) [Kismesisii are enemies, dude.], Carl (friend potential love interest). Enemies: Scourge Pyrope-Serket (frenemy, sometimes).

Quotes: “Wweh!” [No.] “Bro, man, we are teens.” “Seeeeexi.” [in reference to Carl] “Bro, people, li'e, they li'e, die. When they are ‘illed!” [In conversation with Rosemary.] [What does it mean?] “Bruh… Bruh, I am so pale gay for you.” [to Rosemary] [Gay for a female when you’re a male. That makes so much sense.] “I am so stoned right now.”

Trivia: - Once when he was 3 sweeps old, he died for the first time. That is how they discovered Assdic could never be kept down. - Assdic has died a total of 69 times so far. 80% of those was by decapitation. [Am I the only person who dislikes seeing Dirk being decapitated?] - The other 20% was being sawed in half. [No.] - There is a theme going on here, methinks. [Yep. Being NSFW and a weird abomination.] - Spoofy! [Oh, it’s a joke troll. I think.] - He has a lusus bc he can?? We haven’t really decided yet. [No. If it’s after Homestuck, then I’m pretty sure all of the lusii are dead.] - He was made by 3 people. All working in tandem. Pls we worked really hard on this please actually review this in all seriousness [I already have.]

[Final rating: D-. There are a few things I like about him, but the overwhelming majority is bad. This fantroll is near unsavable. Sorry if this isn’t a joke troll; I’ll help you in any way I can. If it is a joke troll, well, I’ll just leave him right here. Now, excuse me while I shoot myself with this loaded machine gun.]

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Second Fantroll Review

[For animatedravenclaw.tumblr.com ]

((don’t mind me, just submitting a second fantroll..)) [That’s fine : ) ]

Theme: I guess water and fish. [Good theme! : ) ]

Name: Epsoli Volado [Sounds like a real troll’s name! ^u^]

Meaning: Epsolion is the name of one of the stars in the constellation Volans ((flying fish)) and Volador is flying in Spanish [Name’s meaning fits in with the theme : D ]

Symbol: Volans, the flying fish. [Nice! : ) ]

Gender: Male

Blood: #a32c81 [He’s a violet blood. : ) ]

Powers: None, but he is quite strong [You’re right; Highbloods don’t have powers, but are very strong. : ) ]

Lusus: Flyingfish-dad [Nice lusus! : D ]

Hive: A big dome in the middle of the ocean, it has multiple rooms linking to it. The outside is decorated with coral, seaweed, and underwater plants. [Creative hive! ^u^ ]

Age: 6.2 sweeps

Likes: Swimming, diving, making fun of landwellers, history, and crimes such as murder cases. [Cool! : D ]

Personality: Epsoli is a pretty pessimistic and self-centered. He hates landwellers and he thinks they are unworthy of him, but of course he still talks with them. Secretly, he is a HUGE history dork, but no ones knows that. At night he’ll visit his library and stays there for hours. He doesn’t have many friends since he will make fun of them or their lower blooded friends. This is one of the reasons he doesn’t like people, Epsoli thinks that he did nothing wrong and everyone else is really rude. [Solid personality! : D ]

Trollian: egotisticYachter

Meaning: Egotistic means vain, boastful, and selfish and yachter means a person who travels by sea. [Fits both his personality and his theme around water. : ) ]

Quirk: Uses “^” instead of “a” to symbolize fins and starts sentences with “>~^^>” to symbolize a fish. [Creative quirk! ^u^]

Example:  EY: >~^^> L^ndwellers ^re pe^sents in my book. [It’s readable, too! : ) ]

Fetch Modus: Idk yet, suggestions? [I also have no clue. Sorry.]

Strife Specibus: I don’t know yet, maybe some type of hookkind? Suggestions? [I think that he should use a miniature anchor, just small enough to hold, and he throws it at people. It would be called... minianchorkind. : ) ]

God Tier: Thief of Rage (or possibly a Prince of Blood) [I think that Prince of Blood would suit him the best because Princes destroy their aspect, and I’m pretty sure Blood represents Unity; since he makes fun of lower-blooded people and landdwellers and dislikes people in general, that could be considered a destruction of Unity.]

Land: Land of Storm and Mistrust [This land is good. : ) ]

Ancestor: Greatfin [Solid ancestor name! : D]

((Thanks for doing this!)) [You’re welcome! : ) ]

[Final grade: A+. I don’t have any problems with this troll; it’s perfectly flawed.]

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Sorry, I was on vacation.

So, if you’re wondering why I haven’t been online lately, I was on vacation, and the place I was staying at didn’t have any internet. Sorry! I’m back now, and ready to do more fantroll reviews.

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First Fantroll Review

[For: http://animatedravenclaw.tumblr.com/ ]

Theme: swans, poetry [That’s really good! : D ]

Name: Agraci Charca [This sounds like it would be a real troll’s name! ^u^]

Meaning: Agraci is short for the Spanish word of graceful and Charca mean pond in Spanish [Name’s meaning follows the troll’s theme. I like it! : D ]

Blood: Emerald, right above Jade [Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s a canonical blood colour; it’s a minor complaint, though, and it definitely doesn’t ruin your OC.]

Lusus: Swan mom, a medium sized swan with 2 pairs of wings [Nice lusus! : ) ]

Hive: a large house built into a hill near a lake (think Bilbo Baggins house) [I haven’t watched “The Lord of the Rings”, and I’m ashamed XD; however, I know what you mean, and that’s a good hive. : ) ]

Strife: none, suggestions? [Perhaps penkind or bookkind?]

Captchalogue Modus: Haiku; to retrieve items, you have to say a haiku about the item you want. [Creative captchalogue modus! : ) ]

Troll tag: eclipsisPoet [Great trolltag! : D]

Meaning: eclipsis means sounds or words in speech and poet is well, a poet [I seriously didn’t know what eclipsis was, and I’m in a gifted class at school XD

Quirks: uses 2 instead of ’s’ to look like her symbol and uses emotions such as ^>^ :^ and o>o to symbol a bird and ’~’ at the end of a sentence [Creative quirk! : ) ]

Symbol: Cygnus, the swan symbol/constellation [*Googles it* Looks like something that would be a real symbol! *thumbs up*]

Gender: Female

Age: 6 sweeps

Likes: poetry, theater, taking walks, history and mystery books, things such as grimdark and other “gothic” things, troll William Shakespeare [Good likes: check! : ) ]

Dislikes: fire, rap music, meats, big messes  [This makes sense! ^u^]

Personality: Agraci is a very caring and like a mother to her friends. She tries to think on the positive side of things but is sometimes a pessimist. She will always protect them and prefers to read by the fire than go out and party. Definitely an introvert. [A+ personality! : D ]

God Tier: Sylph of Hope [God Tier = 10/10, seriously.]

Land: Land of Peace and Relics [Land fits character, so it’s good. : ) ]

Denizen: Leda (from Greek mythology Leda and the Swan) [The custom denizen sounds awesome! : ) ]

Moon: Prospit

Ancestor: The Sonnetist [*Googles* … ‘Tis a nice ancestor we’ve got right here! : D ]

((It’s kinda ironic how i made this troll be I hate poetry and she loves it)) Thanks for doing this. [No problem! ^u^]

[Final grade: A+; the only problem I have with this is the blood color, and that is easily changeable. I recommend teal blood; however, you could change it to be whatever you’d like.]

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Hello!

Hi, this is my first blog post! Feel free to submit fantrolls in the "submit" box, and I'll review them. I will review any fantroll and post it on this blog. If you want me to review it, but don't want me to post it, just message me and I'll review it. Thank you! ^u^

-Sincerely, mod Calliope