Joshua Faraday

[rp-meme-glaceon]

Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have

[hetaczechia]

Josh: Ash! the police gave me another award!

Ash: . . . for?

Josh, holding up a ticket: fastest driver!

Ash:

[hetaczechia]

Josh: [T-posing in the doorway] Good morning, romantic interest.

Ash: [not looking up from her coffee] Good morning, idiot.

[hetaczechia]

Owen: What are you two wearing?

Peter: These are our sneaking around pants.

Josh: Don't be jealous, we got you a matching pair.

[hetaczechia]

Peter: who's the more clingy one?

Ash, sitting in Josh's lap, with her arms wrapped around his neck and face buried in his chest: Josh, obviously

[hetaczechia]

Josh: [squishing Ash's face]

Josh: Look at this pure girl? Look at her cute face! Isn’t she precious?

Josh: I will kill for her.

[hetaczechia]

Josh: change is inedible

Ash: don't you mean inevitable?

Josh, spitting out a bunch of pennies: no, I really didn't

[hetaczechia]

Josh: *seriously injured*

Ash: Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Please please please don’t be dead.

Josh: I’m... I’m not dead.

Ash: I’m going to fucking kill you WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???????

[hetaczechia]

“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

— Joshua Faraday

[hetaczechia]

Josh: I have a new hoodie.

Ash: "We" have a new hoodie.

[hetaczechia]

Therapist: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.

Josh: Yes.

Therapist: Okay... may I know what you create?

Josh: Problems.

[hetaczechia]

Ash: Pete, tell Josh he’s an idiot but i love him

Peter: why don’t u tell him urself?

Ash: bc we’re in a fight

Peter: you’re sitting on his lap???

[hetaczechia]

Ash: *walks into the room smiling*

Peter: Why are you smiling?

Ash: Josh is drunk and he doesn't recognize me

Peter: ....I don't see how that's a good thing

Ash: I tried to hug him but he pushed me away and said, "Back off! I have a girlfriend named Ashley!"

[hetaczechia]

Ash: Tall people, if we are walking please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you. Please think of my tiny legs, I don’t want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you titans!

Josh: Just get a pair of roller skates and hang onto my sleeve. We don’t have all day.

[hetaczechia]

Peter: So how was the honeymoon?

Ash: Josh got drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire

Ash: He said; 'good luck trying to return me without the receipt'

[hetaczechia]

Peter: Look guys, I need help.

Owen: Love help?

Ash: Financial help?

Ikuya: Emotional help?

Josh: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Josh*

Josh: ¯\_(-_-)_/¯

[hetaczechia]

Ash: love?

Josh: yeah?

Ash: honey?

Josh: yeah?

Ash: babe?

Josh: yeah?

Ash: Joshua?

Josh: what? What happened?

Ash: how are you?

Josh: should I be fine? What did I do? I am sorry!