[farawaythinks]

I’m frustrated for so many reasons. There are so many limits in life. Either because of religion or gender or age or family etc.

I just wish I could do what I want without having to ask for permission or do what I wish without feeling bad because of whatever reason.

I mean in some cases, it is good that I find myself being unable to do things because I’m either not supposed to anyways or I don’t have to feel guilty. But it’s just frustrating. Why do I have to feel guilty? Why can’t I do this or that? No. More like why are these rules set in the first place?

12/17/2018

[farawaythinks]

I haven’t posted in a while. I’m thinking of moving all this to Instagram? But idk.

Well a little update: I’m following my goal to finish my first draft by the end of this year. I took way too long to finish my book and I feel motivated to finally get it done.

I can’t wait for vacation. This semester of college is passing by way too slow unfortunately.

And yeah. Pretty much it for now.

11/23/2018

[farawaythinks]

The sky never fails to amaze me abfjnvjfmkss

Summer vacation started- well it started a few weeks ago. I need to start taking my writing seriously or else I’ll never finish with my book.

[farawaythinks]

I don’t know why I get so awkward when talking to people. Especially people I’ve never spoken to. Plus- it feels like I’m the only one feeling awkward and the other person is just chill. Because today the guy said he thought I was very shy but I’m actually easy to talk to or something like that. And I’m just there breaking into very embarrassing awkward laugh/chuckles. I was still able to hold the conversation and keep it going at times but don’t you sometimes just FEEL the awkward on your face? As if your facial muscles are not in the right position and your smile looks fake. I do feel very happy when a person talks to me and approaches me. Inside I really do. But when I’m talking it gets awkward. And its not just with guys its with girls too. And sometimes even with my best friends or just close friends. I’ll be really awkward at times and it’s just like ??? They’re like your family whats with this weird feeling?? Anyways yeah. Okie bai. 05/10/2018

[farawaythinks]

I’m procrastinating again -but hey as long as I get the work done on time lol I do feel stressed with everything I need to finish by Sunday night but I’ve handled this much before so I can do it again. PoSiTiVe ViBes pOsiTive MiNdSEt Also the weather has been really nice these days :) ALSo I have been watching a lot of Traveler’s Notebook videos and flip throughs and pictures and was inspired to buy my own and I’m excited to click the order button any time now! (The Midori one is veeery popular but it seems too expensive compared to other ones that give you a lot of accessories with it so I’m ordering a different one instead) When I get it I’ll post a pic on my main blog @farawayceltic I have posted other journal pics on it if anyone wants to check it out ;)

04/26/2018

[farawayceltic]

There’s only one person who could turn my day from a 0 to a 100 and I will never be able to express the happiness I receive from him because it is indescribable. The grey clouds I mentioned cleared away in a matter of seconds and I was only left with the sun and the moon and the stars and the freshness of the wind for the rest of the day ♥️ I hope this will keep me on my feet for the longest of time as I feel fresh and strong again. Hehehe~

04/18/2018 @moonaldo07

[farawaythinks]

It’s supposed to be sunny today but I feel like I’m stuck in a dark tunnel surrounded by grey clouds that are just starting to settle in.. I feel like some of the grey clouds are stuck in my throat and I can’t swallow them down to make it easier to breathe.. It’s like a season of my own just started and it will take a while to pass.. I wish I could just settle down in a comfy chair with some coffee and watch it all.. but I’m part of the act and it will take a lot of me to finally get to a happy ending.. if there is a happy ending..

[farawaythinks]

I feel sickkk

[farawaythinks]

Yesterday didn’t turn out so shitty after all :)

In fact. The rest of the evening and into the night was very nice. Lots of smiles and laughter.

[farawaythinks]

I was so excited for this weekend. I really was. And the first day was amazing actually (Friday). But the next day just turned to shit. For many reasons actually. And its early Sunday morning now and I feel like this day is already shitty too for some reason. This weekend went from super happy and exciting to sad and lonely and jealous and disappointing then upset to scared to worried to hate to more tears and then it got a little better after that (the hour before I slept) only a little better. And now its like all these emotions are just repeating themselves today with more jealousy and sadness and stress. And I wish I could get a hold of myself and do something to change these feelings but I can’t do SHIT! I can’t. And I have no one to get mad at and let these feelings pour out on. I can’t blame anyone. I can’t yell at anyone. I just have to rot in these emotions and wait for things to just turn better but it won’t. Not the better that I’m looking for. Hoping for. Waiting for. Because that better will take years and I can’t even fucking wait for a whole weekend so how am I going to last? All I can do is cry... but how much do I need to cry? I can’t get any more patient than I am already. And that sucks. I feel helpless. And no one is helping me. I thought I was. I thought that help came this Friday. That’s why it was so amazing. Then what happened? Why does happiness have to last such a little time for it to completely turn upside down. As if to remind me that life isn’t fair and you need to do more to get what you want... but I literally. Have. No. Power. I just wish I was dead sometimes. Temporarily. Sleep for as long as I wished. So I can just go through the days without having to face the bad parts. And wake up when life finally wants to be my friend. I know I’m exaggerating my problems. But I can’t help it. Why do I always feel hurt.. why so much? 03/18/2018

[farawaythinks]

She’s so bubbly and always happy. She brought a smile to my face as soon as she walked in. It’s like her laugh and the shine in her eyes just wakes everyone up in the room and now everyone is talking to each other. She gives off a poppy pink color- especially with the (soft) pink jacket she wore today over her black clothes. Teasing me, complimenting me, and making me laugh. No wonder she has so many friends. Makes me wish I was kind of like her. Unafraid and confident about herself. I also wish I was more friendly and open with her. 03/15/2018

[farawaythinks]

Gelled up black hair. Sunglasses. Sports gloves? The smile. And the smell of cherries. It’s interesting how you notice these things about a random person and make out what type of character they are. Imagining what type of life he or she lives and how they are at home with people dear to him or her. I like the thought process. On my way to the airport to see my mom off. I hope she gets there safely. She’s going by herself and I can’t help but worry. 03/14/2018

[farawaythinks]

Sometimes it’s hard being nice all the time.. because you don’t say your thoughts or feelings out loud, afraid it will make the person upset. Since you value that persons happiness over your own. So it happens over and over again and you pretend that it’s alright. But sometimes it just gets.. tiring?..

Not that I’m always nice.

03/08/2018

[farawaythinks]

Sometimes I just can’t explain my emotions. It’s not a new feeling, it’s just a mixed emotion that you can’t describe because if you labeled it as “loneliness, jealousy, sadness, neutral?” it would be describing something entirely different. Now you might think that it relates to those emotions- but I honestly don’t know. They might be described as something else entirely in a different language that I am unaware of. But whatever this emotion is. Whatever these thoughts are. I am feeling them and I am thinking them. They don’t necessarily have a reason either. It’s just there.

03/01/2018

[farawaythinks]

Does loneliness also feel like throwing up?..

[farawaythinks]

I. AM. SO. BOOOOREEEDD!!!

[farawaythinks]

I absolutely hate when plans get cancelled last minute especially when I’m excited and can’t wait and trying to get my work done knowing I’m gonna go out and have a lot of fun.

I hate how I have to rely on adults to take me places with family and friends cause I can’t drive yet and I’m a girl so I can’t go too far by myself either.