farces of death

Illustrations from Wikipedia's list of unusual deaths

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Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

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#58. Inventor of leaded gas, Freon, and killer beds

1944: Inventor and chemist Thomas Midgley, Jr. accidentally strangled himself with the cord of a pulley-operated mechanical bed of his own design.

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#57. Does this happen a lot?

1944: 74 men died when the US Submarine Tang accidentally torpedoed itself with it's last remaining torpedo during combat patrol off the coast of Taiwan.

Nine survivors, including the captain, were picked up the next morning by a Japanese destroyer. Victims of Tang's previous sinkings were on board, and they beat the men.

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If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

George Bernard Shaw (disputed)

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#56. Textbook SNAFU

1942: 32 men died when the British cruiser HMS Trinidad accidentally torpedoed itself in the Arctic Ocean while on convoy duty. Then things got weird.

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#55. He only smiled once in his lifetime

1941: Sherwood Anderson, writer, died of peritonitis after swallowing a toothpick at a party on a boat.

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#54. The Murder Trust

1933: Michael "the Durable" Malloy, a homeless man, was murdered by five men in a plot to collect on life insurance policies they had purchased in his name.

Since one of the men owned a speakeasy they gave Malloy unlimited credit, thinking he would drink himself to death.

When this didn't work antifreeze was substituted for liquor, but still, Malloy would drink until he passed out, wake up, and come back for more.

Next they added turpentine.

Followed by horse liniment.

Finally mixed in rat poison.

Raw oysters soaked in methanol.

Then came a sandwich of spoiled sardines mixed with poison and carpet tacks. It didn't work.

On a cold night of -14 °F the passed out Malloy was carried to a park, dumped in the snow, and had five gallons of water poured on his bare chest. Malloy reappeared the following day for his drink.

They hit him with a car going 45 miles per hour, which put Malloy in the hospital for three weeks.

Finally, a hose was stuck in his mouth and was connected to a gas jet, which killed Malloy in a few minutes.

Eventually police heard rumors of "Mike the Durable" in speakeasies all over town, and upon learning that a Michael Malloy had died that night, they had the body exhumed and examined.

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#53. Everything was fine until his jaw came off

1932: Eben Byers, an American golfer and industrialist, died from multiple cancers caused by drinking over 1400 bottles of a radioactive "health potion" called Radithor.

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#52. Cashed in his chips

1930: William Kogut, an inmate on death row at San Quentin, committed suicide with a pipe bomb created from several packs of playing cards and the hollow leg from his cot. At the time, the red ink in playing cards contained flammable nitrocellulose, which when wet can create an explosive mixture. Kogut used the heater in his cell to activate the bomb.

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Isadora Duncan (dancer): Will you be the father of my next child? A combination of my beauty and your brains would startle the world. George Bernard Shaw (playwright): I must decline your offer with thanks, for the child might have my beauty and your brains.

Farces of Death

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#51. I survived the Lusitania for this?!

1927: Isadora Duncan, dancer, died of a broken neck when her long scarf caught on the wheel of a car in which she was a passenger.

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I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.

Edgar Allan Poe

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#50. Low Blow

1926: Harry Houdini, the famous American escape artist, was punched in the stomach by an amateur boxer. Although this was done with Houdini's permission, complications from this injury may have caused him to die days later, on October 31.

It was later determined that Houdini died of a ruptured appendix, though it is contested as to whether or not the punches actually caused the appendicitis.

The greatest escape I ever made was when I left Appleton, Wisconsin. ~Houdini

Bonus: Read Houdini's book exposing successful criminals: The Right Way to Do Wrong

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#49. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side.

1926: Phillip McClean, 16, from Queensland, Australia became the only person documented to have been killed by a cassowary. After encountering the bird on their family property near Mossman in April, McClean and his brother decided to kill it with clubs.

When McClean struck the bird it knocked him down, then kicked him in the neck, opening a 1.25 cm (0.5 in) long cut in one of his main blood vessels. Though the boy managed to get back on his feet and run away, he collapsed a short while later and died from the hemorrhage.

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#48. The Ironking

1925: Zishe (Siegmund) Breitbart, a circus strongman and Jewish folklore hero, died after demonstrating he could drive a spike through five one-inch (2.54 cm) thick oak boards using only his bare hands. He accidentally pierced his knee and the rusted spike caused an infection which led to fatal blood poisoning.

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#47. King Tut's Curse

1923: George Herbert, 5th Earl of Carnarvon, died allegedly because of the so-called King Tut's Curse after a mosquito bite on his face, which he cut while shaving, became seriously infected with erysipelas, leading to blood poisoning and eventually pneumonia.

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#46. Jockey beats 20-1 odds, not Death

1923: Frank Hayes, a jockey at Belmont Park, New York, died of a heart attack during his first race. His mount, Sweet Kiss, finished first with his body still attached to the saddle, and he was only discovered to be dead when the horse's owner went to congratulate him.