FAT COLIN

This is my way of tracking my fat loss attempts

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https://soundcloud.com/cvesper/mass-effect-andromeda-tough-mercenary-colin-vesper-explorerswanted

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https://soundcloud.com/cvesper/mass-effect-andromeda-jordan-tate-colin-vesper-explorerswanted

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Zuppa time!

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I helped her with an art project, and now I'm covered in glitter

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Anybody got a miracle toothache cure? I need a temporary fix.

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gabgonepaleo-ish replied to your photo: Rubber ducky

THE V

Haha yeah kinda.  V for victory!

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Rubber ducky

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Party recovery salad

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Ouch

I think I tore something in my arm. Last Friday I had a great workout, but woke up the next day with a horrible pain. Today, the pain is still there. If I lift my arm in a certain direction, it'll drop as I get a stabbing pain. I have to go to the gym a couple times this week (8 times a month and my job pays for it), but maybe I'll just run.  Really bummed out though, I was making progress and getting excited about looking better.  

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I've been eating this lately. A lot.

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I've been holding on to definitions of being undeserving. Here's how it works.

I don't feel like I deserve anything positive.  It's some sort of anti-entitlement.  I make things difficult for myself so that when I conquer them (luckily, I believe that I can conquer some things), I feel like I have earned a reward.  No matter what it is, food, relationships, money, jobs, it's only allowed BY MYSELF when I feel like I have faced opposition equal to the amount of reward.  I'm dangling a donut in front of my own face.  It's all self-inflicted. 

It brings me to ask myself, why do I have this system in place?  It's because it's the only way to allow myself to have good things in my life.  My beliefs state that nothing can come to me unless I deserve it, with the default value of being undeserving.  If I simply changed the belief that I am deserving, I could allow good things to come to me without weathering the bad.

Now, wouldn't that be nice?

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I should know better than to check facebook after the debates.

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trianglesandmaps replied to your post: I'm not sure when I made the transition to actually hating my job, but I'm definitely there. I need to find something new.

i remember you telling us about moving to a city in denver where you found a job you might like more. Is that still in your plans?

Yeah, I didn't get the job.  They already filled the position.  Back to square 1.

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I'm not sure when I made the transition to actually hating my job, but I'm definitely there. I need to find something new.

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Packed and ready to go (Taken with Instagram)