Everything begins with controlling my orgasms my pleasure. When I am kept in strict denial, especially when you're stingy with edges... it just follows naturally that I listen to you for everything. What to eat for dinner, how to dress, when to sleep, with what posture to carry myself, how to address you, at what time to be home.
I still sometimes see people misunderstanding orgasm denial and chastity, as if it's purely a manipulative thing, where I must fulfil all of these other expectations because my access to pleasure is dependent upon it.
For me at least, the thing I love the most about orgasm control is how intimate it is. I get to feel your pull on my body all day. I become desperate to obey you because of how keenly I can feel your ownership of my body. I unfold in your hands, I surrender to you, your word rules me. I have no intention of trying to "earn" release.
And now this is how I came to realise that everything really begins with controlling my sleep. As an experienced submissive who knows deeply that my pleasure is not my own, it sometimes barely occurs to me to beg for pleasure. It usually does not occur to me to ask to come. What I depend upon most strongly is your permission to be conscious, or not; to speak with you, or not; to serve you, or not.
When you order me to sleep, you replace my desire (to serve you) with the fact that you know better (I must rest), and my waking moments the next day, bright and lively, will be ruled by your care of me. When you keep me up late serving you, my life is coloured with sleepiness and I can cherish the feeling in my body of having been useful to you.
I hope that you are reading. I still long for your order to sleep.
—and every time I was in bed nice and early to have time to ask for permission to edge, what I wanted most of all was to be seen obeying your rules, my bedtime, your setting my life to please you, and I loved it so very much when you told me No. and Bedtime. and Sleep.