Chapter four - Too much wine
Warning: Explicit language and smut !NSFW!
“Try this!” Alexander held up a spoon, blew on it before feeding the content to me. The taste was rich, super smooth from the heavy cream, there was a bit of spice to it, more so from the red pepper flakes and not so much from the vodka.
“It’s delicious,” I responded, licking my lips, eager to get another taste. I knew Alexander had told me he was really passionate about cooking, but I would’ve never imagined him being this good.
When he had asked me in the car if I was hungry, I just thought he meant we could go to McDonald’s, not that he would cook for me. I didn’t mind it tho, I was so fascinated by him preparing our meal. I had asked if I could help, that was the least I could do, but he refused my offer, wanting to just enjoy my company on the kitchen barstools.
“How do you like your pasta?” Alexander moved over to the stove again to stir the pot. I had never had Penne ala Vodka before. I wondered if it would get ruined if the pasta wasn’t al dente, the kind I hated. It grossed me out, if my pasta or boiled vegetables had some resistance, I needed that shit to be almost mushy. I was a really picky eater when it came to the texture of food.
“If it’s okay,” I uttered from the kitchen island, holding down on the foot of my half empty wine glass, “I’d like them a bit overcooked.” I was hoping he didn’t think I was weird. My family had always mocked me for my sensitive gag reflex whenever I bit down on something chewy and firm.
“Sure thing!” Alexander turned around to look at me, flashing a smile before picking up his own wine glass and raising it. It almost looked like that scene from The Great Gatsby with Leonardo DiCaprio. Of course, he wasn’t dressed like him. He wasn’t wearing a fancy suit, but was instead standing in an old T-shirt he had put on when we came back to his place, since it probably wasn’t the best look to walk around cooking in a cum stained shirt.
I couldn’t help but to stare at him while he was standing in front of me, downing the rest of his wine. That shirt was old, yes, but it hugged every single muscle on his arms and chest and I surely wasn’t complaining. He gestured with the wine bottle, silently asking if I wanted a refill and I nodded. The last 24 hours had been so weird, so a little bit of alcohol was definitely a must right now. Well… little and little.. We had already emptied almost a whole bottle of wine.
“Food is almost ready,” Alexander said, turning back to the stove to make the finishing touches. “If you look in the cupboard beside the fridge, there should be another bottle of wine.” It was definitely clear that he was just as in need for alcohol as I was. There was no denying that we were having a great time, but neither of us had just magically forgotten about our escapade in his office.
It had been a hot minute since I had had such a fun dinner. We sat on the couch eating Alexander’s delicious food, drank some more wine while watching a random movie on tv. To be honest, neither of us paid much attention to what was going on in the movie, we were mostly just talking about random things like, why Star Wars was better than Star Trek or the whole debate about “is water wet?”
Alexander then suddenly leaned his elbow on the top of the couch cushions, turning his head towards me in all seriousness. “Listen,” he looked me deep in the eyes, making me almost blush from the stare. “I know you probably don’t want to, but we have to address what happened at the office.”
“It’s okay. You already apologized,” I answered, knowing damn well that wasn’t what he meant.
“No it’s.. That’s not what i meant.. It’s just.. We had sex,“ he stuttered, picking nervously at his fingers.
“Yeah I know, I was there.”
Alexander rolled his eyes at me, he was definitely trying to get used to my stupid sarcastic comments. He swatted my arm lightly while trying to suppress a smile. “It’s just.. It wasn’t right. We shouldn’t have done that.” He caressed my arm, his tone suddenly became more serious.
“I’m a grown woman and I can sleep with whoever I please.” I had definitely become more comfortable around him, talking about my sexlife. I laid my hand on top of his. It might have been the mixture between the alcohol and the now existing comfortableness around each other, but we both definitely had become more touchy.
“I’m your boss. I shouldn’t be sleeping with my employees,” he looked me deep in my eyes, making me sink into those brown eyes once again. “Even when they look so sexy spread out on my desk.”
Does he really think I’m sexy? I thought to myself, biting my bottom lip, trying to suppress the arousal those words gave me. The alcohol was definitely taking over my thoughts, no wonder it’s called liquid courage, but I just couldn’t stop the words before they flew out of my mouth. “You should see me on my knees.”
Alexander widened his eyes, almost in disbelief of what he had just heard me saying. I didn’t really care. I was already horny again and just wanted to have a taste of him. I pushed the round wooden coffee table aside and slid down between it and Alexander, looking up at him with my lust filled eyes. He had made me feel so good and appreciated and I wanted to repay him.
“Pl-please you don’t have to,” he looked away while shaking his head, but the bulge in his pants told me otherwise .
“No it’s okay, I want to,” I said caressing his thighs, trying to get him to look at me. He turned his head back to me, meeting my hungry gaze. He leaned forward, cupping my chin and turning it upwards so our noses were touching. He moved his head a little further up and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before retreating back, locking his eyes with mine.
“You’re drunk,” he said while caressing my cheek. His eyes were filled with concern, the same pained expression he had in his office after we had sex, when he was apologizing for yelling at me. “I don’t want to take advantage of you. Trust me, I would very much like to do all kinds of things with you. But not while you’re drunk.”
The embarrassment hit me, hard, and I quickly shuffled myself back on my feet. I tried to look away from him, hiding my tears and my red face, but he almost immediately stood up from the couch to pull me in for a hug. I tried pushing him away, but gave in to the intimacy and safety he gave.
I pushed my face deeper into his chest, almost like I tried to suffocate myself. I really didn’t want to be there anymore, I just wanted to disappear without a trace. One thing was to sleep with my boss in his office, but to be rejected by the same man only a few hours after. That hurted.
Alexander, with his arms wrapped around me, gave me a squeeze before taking a step back to look into my eyes. “Please don’t cry,” he said softly, wiping the tears away from my face with his thumbs. “There is nothing to be ashamed of”.
I clenched my jaw, teeth grinding against each other. I was so embarrassed, but like every other time people had made me embarrassed, the only emotion I would display was anger. “Take me home!” I demanded, eyes beginning to fill with tears again just by the memory of the last five minutes, but I quickly wiped them away before he could notice. I didn’t want to look at him, let alone be in the presence of him. I was so embarrassed by my drunken thoughts, that I just wanted to go home.
“It’s really late and I don’t want to leave you all by yourself, especially when you’re this upset.” Alexander stepped closer to me again, hands on my upper arms, caressing them softly. He grabbed my arms and pulled me into another hug, tightening his hold as I protested. I wanted to slap him, bite him, push him, everything that would make him let go of me. But I also wanted to just stay in his arms until everything I was feeling would melt away.
“I can’t.. I-” My mind was all over the place. On one hand, I really wanted to stay. He made me feel so safe and cherished. But on the other hand, I felt like I was a burden to him. Like he didn’t mean what he said and he actually just wanted me gone. I turn my head upwards to meet his worried eyes. “I don’t want to bother you more than I have already done.” My guards were beginning to go down, trying my hardest to stay calm.
“Please, you’re not bothering me.. At all! You can borrow the couch again if you want.” He turned his head slightly up to rest his chin on top of my head. “Or you can also sleep in my bed If you want. I want to make sure you are okay, and the bed is more comfortable than the couch. I’ll just sleep in here, and you can have the bed to yourself.”
“I- don’t want to be a burden.”
“You’re not being one!” Alexander leaned back to look at me again, hands on my shoulders, brows furrowed. “Please stop saying that. You are sleeping here, end of discussion.”
My eyes travelled down to the floor in defeat, I clearly didn’t have a choice in this. Why did he reject me, just to insist on me staying the night? It didn’t make any sense. I stepped away from Alexander, still looking at the floor, picking my fingers. Some part of my brain told me to just walk out of his house, but my legs weren’t following the order. They were probably listening to the other part of my brain, telling me to calm down and stay the night.
“Fine, but i’ll just sleep on the couch again. And I will leave first thing in the morning,” I insisted, looking back at him again, clenching my teeth together. My bad attitude had come back to haunt me and I couldn’t stop myself from frowning. I never liked being told what to do, especially by a man who just made me so embarrassed of myself. This was all his fault.
“You are so stubborn, but fine, you’ll sleep in here. I’ll go get the T-shirt for you to sleep in.” Alexander walked towards the bathroom to get the T-shirt I had slept in the night before. “It was on the top of the hamper, so don’t worry,” he snarkely commented, returning to the living room and handing me the T-shirt.
I just wanted the day to be over. It had been such a weird day, with my emotions going on their own personal roller coaster with loops and swings, just to make me doubt everything as soon as the ride came to an abrupt end. My mind was all over the place. What was so wrong with me, that he didn’t want me to go down on him? I had never had a guy turn me down because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed. Sure, they weren’t all nice guys and some of them even did stuff against my will, but that's just the price you pay for being sloppy drunk. Right?
No. That’s not right. What the fuck am I thinking? I quickly sat up on the couch, drenched in sweat and shaking. Why the hell was my brain telling me that all the stuff other guys had put me through, was less worse than Alexander telling me he didn’t want to take advantage of me? The alcohol had clearly worn off and I could actually gather some decent thoughts, only to panic from the way I had left things before we had gone to sleep. I had been so mad at him and for what? He must hate me now for sure!
I started to cry. This was all my fault and now I paid the price by sobbing uncontrollably. Why couldn’t I have realized that sooner? Why did I drink so much? Why did I blame him? He was actually trying to not be like any other guy I had been with, and yet I still got so mad and hurt by it.
Suddenly, Alexander emerged from his bedroom, running towards me with fear in his eyes. I had woken him in the worst possible way. He kneeled down on the floor in front of me, taking my hands in his, trying to make me look at him. This felt so familiar, like this whole scenario had happened before.
“Hey! Are you okay?” he said concernedly, rubbing his thumbs on the back of my hands. I tried looking him in the eyes, but it was too difficult for me. I was scared that I was met with a pair of judging eyes staring back at me.
“I’m so sorry!” I choked out, slumping my head down to my chest.
“What are you sorry for? You haven’t done anything wrong!”
I lifted my head a little bit, looking at our hands while trying to catch my breath. He had removed his nailpolish, which I didn't notice until that moment. My eyes slowly traveled further up, still wanting to avoid eye contact. “It’s just- You made me so embarrassed and I got so mad at you for doing that,” I sniffled, trying to slowly ease my eyes towards his. “It was wrong for me to be mad, when you literally did nothing wrong.”
Alexander cracked a small smile, acknowledging my apology. He clearly didn’t think much of the situation my attitude had put us in, probably because he was getting used to it. “It’s okay, I’m not mad,” he reassured, moving his hands to my upper thighs, caressing them lightly. “I told you, I would do all kinds of things with you, just not when you’re drunk.”
His voice felt calming and not at all judging. I finally pulled myself together to look him in the eyes. His warm welcoming brown eyes. His small smile became much bigger as we looked at each other. I hadn't noticed his dimples before that very moment. It was really cute.
I widened my arms and flung them around his neck, giving him the biggest hug I had given in years. He didn’t resist, he just pulled his own arms around my back, reciprocating the hug. He tugged his face in the crook of my neck, moving one of his hands up to hold me between my shoulderblades.
“Come, let’s go get some sleep,” he whispered, pulling slightly away from our hug to look me in the eyes again. He gave me a quick kiss on my cheek before standing up, reaching down so I could pull myself up using his hand. He led me into the dark bedroom, not wanting to turn on the lights in case we both would get blinded. He guided me to the bed, pulled the covers over me, making sure I was comfortable. I felt so safe as he shuffled a little closer to me, spooning my back and reaching his arm around my body, face tucked into the nape of my neck. Yes. This is safe.
For the first time in years, I didn’t need background noise to fall asleep. I had slept through the whole night, curled up next to Alexander. It was like the comfort and safeness this man gave me was all it took for me to fall asleep. My body had relaxed from all the tension it was put through that evening, and had fallen asleep, finally with peace.
The moment I woke up was not as relaxing as the good night sleep I had. My head was pounding, probably from the combination of alcohol and crying. It was definitely one of the worst hangovers I had had in years. I looked beside me to find the empty spot where Alexander had slept. If it had been in my own bed, I would have been really offended by the sudden disappearance.
I shuffled out of the bedroom, slowly so any sudden movement wouldn’t hurt my head more than it already did. The light from the kitchen was so incredibly bright, I needed to squint my eyes so much that they were almost closed. Standing in his underwear, back turned against me, was Alexander cooking up some breakfast.
He turned around, as he heard my feet dragged across the floor. “Good morning sunshine! Did you get some sleep?” he asked, smiling like the big explosion of happiness he was. He clearly wasn't as influenced by the alcohol as I was, which was actually really annoying when you think about the age difference.
“My head hurts,” I mumbled, pitying myself as I sat down at the kitchen island. I probably looked like shit, smudged makeup and puffy eyes, but at that moment I didn’t really care, I just needed to have some painkillers.
Alexander handed me some aspirin and a glass of water, chuckling to himself from the miserable look I had going on. “Stop staring at me!” As if I didn’t feel ugly already, him leaning over the island and gawking at me didn’t help.
Alexander's smile widened even more, if that was even possible. His chocolate brown eyes moving all over me, inspecting every little detail. “You look so beautiful.” He reached over to wipe some smudged mascara away from my cheek, still smiling like a big idiot. “You hungry?” He turned away again to go back to the stove, stirring the pot filled with scrambled eggs, turning the bacon on the pan next to it.
“If I say no, will you still force me to eat?”, I giggled, knowing that I needed to get food in my system, even though I wasn’t hungry.
Alexander chuckled back at me, placing a plate of food in front of me. “You need to eat something, and I don’t take no for an answer.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and walked around the kitchen island to sit next to me.
The savery smell from the bacon mixed with all the spices in the scrambled eggs reminded me of good times, happier times. From when I still lived back home, surrounded by my family and friends. From when I had sleepovers with my best friend Clara, and we made a big deal out of having brunch together. When we always experimented with different spices, which in all honesty, sometimes made us both gag, but laugh afterwards. Those were some happy days. When I moved away, because of my ex boyfriend, things just changed. He wasn’t a breakfast person, so we never made a big deal out of it. That’s when I started to just eat oatmeal. Plain bland oatmeal. We would have dinner together, which I gladly would slay over the entire day, but breakfast was gone. This was the first time in years I had had a proper cooked breakfast. And it was indeed delicious.
“I made a plan this morning, before you woke up,” Alexander said before taking a big swig of his coffee. “We get your car to the mechanic, and while it’s there, you can help me shop for more professional clothes.” He took another sip of his coffee, looking at me with his puppy eyes. How could I say no to those eyes?
I swallowed the last bite of food before thoroughly thinking about his plan. I knew I had technically already said yes, when we were at the bar, but I somehow still didn’t really want to. The shame from the night before still hung over me like some kind of weighted blanket that I couldn’t shrug off. A weighted poncho of some sort.
“Sure!” I already regretted it. “Sounds like a great plan!” It most certainly did not. “Can we maybe make a quick stop at my apartment on the way? I really need a shower and some clean clothes.” I had the feeling that maybe a shower could rinse off all the different kinds of shame that was still attached to me. I wanted to start the day fresh and renewed, and since the office was closed for the weekend, I had plenty of time to scrub every single crevasse of my body down to the bone.
“Yeah of course! Let me just put on some clothes and we can be on our way.” Alexander hurried to his bedroom while I found my old clothes from the day before and put them on. It smelt like regret, but it was either that or the oversized T-shirt and panties, and I was definitely not going up the stairs to my apartment flashing my underwear for everybody's viewing.
As we stood in front of my door to my apartment, it suddenly hit me that Alexander was about to see my place for the first time. It wasn’t as tidy as his house, and it definitely wasn’t as big. I just hoped that he wouldn’t judge me by the lack of cleanliness. Not that it was completely filthy, but I definitely had clothes scattered around the floor.
“Well, this is my place. It’s not that exciting compared to yours,” I nervously chuckled as we walked through the entrance. “I’ll take a quick shower so you just.. Sit.. Somewhere.” I rushed to the bathroom, not even giving a second thought about the apartment’s appearance. I just needed to shower quickly so he couldn’t inspect the entire place.
The water felt so nice on my skin. If it wasn’t for the clock ticking away, I would have stood there for the rest of the day. There was suddenly a knock on the door, which could obviously only have been Alexander, but it still took me by surprise. My mind went completely blank and somehow the only words that came to mind was “come in”. Idiot!
“Hey. Sorry to bother you, but is there room for one more?” I could hear the grinning in his voice, like he thought he made the best joke ever. My apartment was indeed small, but my bathroom, especially my shower, took up a lot of the space, so there was definitely room for one more and especially him. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me naked before. Nothing weird about that, right?
“Uhm. Sure,” I muttered, not knowing how to respond to his question.
The shower curtain got pulled to one side and a naked Alexander stood before me, just as hot as I remembered him from our previous escapades. His eyes travelled across my body, eying every curv. He bit his bottom lip before stepping into the shower, his body just inches away from mine. “Do you need help with the soap?” he asked, locking his eyes with mine. I somehow couldn’t formulate a sentence. The only thing I could do was nod.
He lathered up the soap in his hands, caressing my body while the hot water splashed against my back. His hands suddenly stop at my thighs and he gently pulls on them to get a closer look. There they were, the bruises, his souvenirs from the last time we were naked together. He looked back at me, eyebrows raised and a hint of sadness to his gaze. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I said, cupping his chin. “I like them. Besides, it’ll be fun to sport them at work while no one knows about them but us.” I winked at him, trying to ease the whole situation while I in fact had a heart that was nearly beating out of my chest.
While still looking me in the eyes, his hands slid from my thighs up to my breasts, cupping them and swiping his thumbs across my nipples. He leaned his face closer to mine, his eyes flickering between my eyes and mouth. “Just kiss me already!” I exclaimed, pulling on his jaw so that our lips finally met.
His hands moved up to the back of my head, pulling my face even closer to his. My tongue escaped my mouth to enter his and we deepened our kiss while our tongues tangled together. I could feel him against my thigh, he was getting harder and harder as our kiss continued. I wanted to get on my knees and finally have him in my mouth, but he definitely wanted to enjoy our passionate kiss for much longer, moving his hand down to my ass and pulling me against his erection.
He finally broke the kiss, looking deep into my eyes for a brief moment. “Turn around,” he commanded with his baritone voice, and I obediently followed the order, turning so my back was facing him. He leaned down and kissed along my spine, starting at my neck and stopped between my shoulderblades. His hands were cupping my breasts again, kneading them softly while his pointer fingers were swiping across my hardened nipples. I reached my arms forward, placing both palms on the showertiles to sturdy my balance, scooting my ass closer to his dick. He moaned at the closeness of our bodies and guided one of his hands down to circle my clit. The pure arousal from his fingers made me even more eager to have him inside of me.
“Please. Fuck me,” I panted, wanting to feel him fill me up again. It was less than 24 hours since I last had him inside of me, and I had already missed the sensation.
The hand that was still cupping my breast, moved to his dick, adjusting it at my entrance. I leaned forward, my face almost on the tiles with my hands. He gently kicked my feet apart so that I was more spread for him, before inserting the tip of his cock inside of me.
I turned my head, moaning against my arm to muffle the sound. He wasn’t even fully in yet, and it already felt so good. He made a thrust, and the rest of him sank deeper into me, making me cry out in pure bliss. His hands moved to my hips, avoiding the already bruised areas on my thighs, and dug his fingers into my flesh. With every thrust he made, my legs caved more and more under me from all of the euphoria.
Alexander suddenly pulled himself out and spun me around, placing his lips on mine once again. He opened his mouth so his tongue could intertwine with mine, placing his hand lightly around my throat to make sure I didn't move and pushed me slightly up against the wall tiles. His other hand traveled down to the back of my thigh, pulling it up above his hip, repositioning himself again at my entrance. I grabbed on to the shower’s thermostat, trying not to slip.
With one single thrust, he was already inside of me again, pushing against my g-spot. He started to moan into my mouth and I swallowed every single groan of his. I was so close to an orgasm that only he could give me. My clit was twitching, aching to be touched by him. “Touch me,” I breathed out, biting at his lower lip before licking into his mouth. The hand around my throat made its way down to my clit, rubbing it frantically with his index finger, while still pounding me into oblivion.
My head slammed back onto the wall behind me, eyes rolling back into my head as my orgasm spread through my body. My mouth dropped open, but with no sound coming out. I looked up to meet Alexander's starving eyes, his pupils dilated and black from pure lust. He was still rubbing my clit through my orgasm, riding out my high until I couldn't handle it anymore. That's when he finally let go and moved his hand to my ass, kneading it ever so gently.
My core was clenched around his cock, and it wasn't long until he couldn't hold back his own orgasm anymore. As he reached his peak, his fingers started to dig into my skin, trying to pull me even further on to his dick. Warm spurts of cum started to travel down my leg and his head slumped down onto my sternum, panting from exhaustion. His lips moved against my skin, like he was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't hear it. The water from the shower was really loud and I was too focused on my own breathing.
"Fuck," he breathed out as he pulled out of me and slowly lifted my leg away from his hip, placing it down on the floor again. I was still gripping on to the thermostat for dear life before Alexander gently grabbed my hand, bringing it up to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back side. "You’re so beautiful"
“You’re not too bad yourself,” I giggled, still trying to catch my breath while coming down from my high. “That wasn’t really the quick shower I had planned.” I straightened myself up so I wasn’t leaning against the wall anymore.
“I’m sorry, but come on,” he slipped his hands to my back and pulled me impeccably close to him, like he missed my body’s warmth, like he hadn’t held me for months. He cracked a cocky smile before leaning down to give my forehead a gentle kiss. “This is better, right?”
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