today marks one year of being His, one year owned, one year denied for Him.
one year. when i put it like that it sounds both small and enormous. a whole orbit of days and nights where everything i am has been slowly reshaped by Him. this past year has been centering His pleasure, feeling His control, and learning how constant my neediness could become.
there were chapters in the middle of this year where our rhythm shifted, life happened, things quieted. being denied through that time became my anchor. it kept me tethered to Him even through the noise of everyday life. the absence of our usual rituals made me ache in new, more concentrated ways, and my neediness for Him intensified in a way i didn’t even know was possible.
this year we also started training my ass, something i was so scared of and have grown (mostly) accustomed to. being plugged is a small, constant reminder of Him, it turns ordinary moments into acts of devotion. i crave His control, i ache to be seen by Him, used by Him, shaped by Him. my denial, my obedience, my submission, they are the most precious parts of me.
this year of being denied for Him has changed the shape of my mind. i never think about orgasms for myself anymore, my thoughts are always centered around His pleasure. each day denied has made me more desperate for Him. the ache is devotion, worship.
it feels silly to say i’m proud of this year, mostly i’m grateful. grateful to be denied for Him, to be His, to be molded into the perfect submissive for Him, because He doesn’t deserve anything less. every moment of denial rewires me into someone more pliant, more desperate for His guidance, more certain of my place. i don’t long for release, i long for Him.
one year denied, one year owned. one year more subby, more obedient, more His🩵
