FattyFatty2X4 @fattyfatty2x4 - Tumblr Blog

Tomorrow is my favorite day of the week. I’ll be better tomorrow. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow.

Yesterday holds my shame. I shouldn’t have…can’t believe I did…yesterday yesterday yesterday.

Today is when I both realize my shame and yet hold hope in both hands. Yesterday was awful but tomorrow will be better. For today, I can only wait. Wait wait wait.

My hobby lately is eating, feeling full, regretting it, hating it, and then scrolling through tumblr and hating MYSELF. What a great use of my time.

If only I looked like xxx, I’d be ok. If I could just weigh xxx, I’d love myself.

And other lies I tell myself…

If I’m anxious about my weight, I’m not anxious about anything else. Which is a… good thing? I guess?

I try not to freak out after eating something yummy when I’m hungry but I still get anxious when I’m full, or when I enjoyed what I ate.. I feel instant regret.

How is it possible to lose 10 pounds and your clothes are STILL tight?? Where did those 10 pounds come from, my fucking brain?? Because that’s what it feels like.

#light as a 🪶

I Ate Too Much Too Fast And Now My Stomach Hurts: A 3-part Docuseries written and directed by Me

When you’re hungry but nothing sounds good so you take a bite of whatever is around and you realize it’s not worth the ~calories~ so you spit it out and just….stay hungry >>>>>

But then you cave later and eat something WORSE because you’re so hungry and then you hate yourself for caving <<<<<

I am having like, the BEST time.

Swam .5 miles, open water (ocean), on an empty stomach, and went to breakfast with my mom right after. I got an egg white omelet with spinach and hot sauce only and I was RAVENOUS. Mom asked, mid omelette, “Are you in a hurry or something?” Immediately stopped eating and said (nicely), “Mom, it’s 2024, you know you’re not supposed to comment on people’s eating.” Mom: “Of course not! Except yours.”

I really thought (after sooo many years of comments like this) that she couldn’t trigger me anymore. But damn!! I couldn’t finish the omelette. Which meant the rest of the day- over hungry and binged. And I still feel guilty and awful. UGHHHHHH.

I’m ok. And I love my mom but damn that woman is a stone cold bitch sometimes. I have to remember her comments stem from her own unresolved eating disorder and body image issues, but… I still hurt when she makes those comments…

I am NOT spending another summer this fat, absolutely not. I HATE how my thighs stick together, I HATE feeling like I am suffocating in my clothes, I HATE how fucking sweaty I am all the time. FUCK ME.

If I have to spend ONE MORE SUMMER with my thighs RUBBING TOGETHER- I am burning this mf to the ground.

Why do I fail within hours of saying THIS TIME will be different….

#light as a 🪶

I Ate Too Much Today: An Autobiography by Me

#⭐️ve #light as a 🪶

Note to self: no snacks. Why snacks. You don’t need snacks. Just push through.

Is it too much to ask for my calves to fit into REGULAR SIZE BOOTS?!

#watch out wide calves coming through #heaven forbid I want to wear SOCKS #light as a 🪶

Honestly, obsessing over food and my weight helps me NOT obsess/get anxious over anything else - like, did I sound like an idiot earlier? Did I say the wrong thing? Was that the wrong choice? Who cares? I LOST/GAINED A POUND, better think about that all night instead. Problem. Solved. #mic drop #trips over mic #thumbs up

#light as a 🪶#st@rving #⭐️ve

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