Weight is slowly, slowly coming off. I'm feeling great about my body for the most part - my size 12 pants are starting to feel loose, I'm hiking them up a couple times a day when they slip off my hips. It's not coming off fast enough for me though - this is a problem. Not that the weight's not coming off fast enough, but that I'm so obsessed with it. It's not good for me. I still feel unwilling to accept that my number on the scale will always be higher - I am not slight/small framed and will never be.
I'm having some bad mental problems with food. I had two binges this weekend, but with keto foods. Friday was pretty damn awful - I nearly caved to binging on carbs but ended up binging on keto food instead. Last night I started watching a movie and kept getting up to get more food. Not good, not good at all.
I was reading a blog recently by a 600lb or so woman chronicling her fight to lose weight, and was saddened by the vast, month long breaks where she eventually came back and said,"I gained twenty pounds, went on a binging spree, etcetera." She talked about being treated for a binge eating disorder - and oh god, do I understand. The overwhelming compulsion to just eat and eat and eat and not care about the consequences. No worries or cares while you pound those cheeseburgers. In my case, in the past, I would go pick up a large dinner portion from some restaurant, eat it all, and then maybe grab a pint of ice cream and eat it all. And then maybe with more snacking later.
I guess I'm handling it better than I give myself credit for. I did avoid lapsing and eating carbs, even if I did still eat more than I wanted. The weekends are dangerous for me - I lapse the most on them. Perhaps I should be proud I didn't lapse at all - most weekends I lapse with a small amount of rice at the indian buffet.
I keep thinking I need some sort of support system, but I have a pathological fear of shrinks or anything else mental health, mostly instilled by my Dad who insisted that only crazy people sought help. Thanks Dad!
My main fear is of being talked down to, or not being taken seriously. I have had a few times in my life where I have opened up to someone or talked to them and had this happen. People simply cannot seem to take me seriously. It's tiring, it's discouraging, it makes me want to go live in a shack in the woods sometimes. Who needs people, I have cats, right? /s
