Sir,
I am still here. I told you that I would be here until you no longer want me and I truly meant it. I care about you. I love being your cow. But this is really fucking with me.
When you're around, you tell me that you want me to think about you, and how I'm an ugly, fat cow, as much as possible. And that is hard to stop doing just because you're gone. But it shifts. The things about my body that I dislike, that I would normally tell you about, hurt to think about. I still think about you every day, and check my messages here and on the other app where we talked. And I expect not to see anything, but it still hurts.
I've tried talking to other people on here a little bit, but (no offense to anyone else reading this) they're not you. I miss the way I could trust you without needing to consider whether I should. I miss knowing what you liked and being able to make you proud. I miss pushing myself to do better, to expand what I was comfortable with, and the praise that would come with it.
All I've wanted is to make you proud, and to make you happy.
All I've asked for is to know you're alright, and for a heads-up when you're going to be gone (or continue to be gone if that's what you can do). I worry about you. I miss you.
Please. Either come back or say goodbye.
