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he/she - bod. 20 - proship - fandom agere blog frequently inactive

[fawnyflower]

hi friends welcome to my blog :)

kitt!! he/she pronouns, boygirl. bodily 19, regresses to ~5. noncom vent regressor. i aint exactly a system but i aint exactly a singlet either. kiddy kitty cat. ocd + psychotic spectrum + autistic. posic. interacts/follows from @nimeowna.

DNI: nsfw, hateful towards ageplayers (fine to not want em around, not fine to accuse them of awful things or be mean to them), frequently in discourse

disclaimers: i am frequently inactive and even more frequently too busy to post anything sorry lol. i dont do requests but you’re welcome to send in ur thoughts for me to reply to/add on to!

fandoms i have agere thoughts about: yellowjackets, steven universe, adventure time, tuca & bertie, buffy

things i love when regressed: stuffies & toys, all animals (especially cats, horses, seals, and ocean animals), mlp (all gens), bluey, blues clues, moomins, warriors, being outside, playing pretend

lets all have fun and play together

tags & anons

[reachmystars]

this idea came to me while i was talking to my friend and i thought about how i haven’t really seen this .. it’s very rushed. i was just doodling around www

[wiserteriaoverbarefeet]

a greater woman wouldn’t beg, but i looked to the sky and said

chronically ill little!lottie , chronically ill little!jackie , some cg!nat notes: lottie has myalgic encephalomyelitis , jackie has gastroparesis & a surgical feeding tube. focused on hurt/comfort & disability solidarity word count: 1,557

this fic means a lot to me , so i really hope you all enjoy it !!

In her room, Lottie can hear the clamor coming from the floor. It’s another movie or another game she was too tired to participate in. Another night together; another night alone. 

Still, it’s okay, Lottie reminds herself. She rolls onto her back and tucks her fawn under her arm, repeating the words until they might’ve been engraved in the back of her skull. 

It’s okay to miss out. Okay to be alone. Okay to be stuck. 

It’s okay and yet the pit in her stomach remains. It’s heavy, too heavy to carry alone, but Lottie figures everything is nowadays. Her body, which once used to move so freely has been opened from the top and filled with quick dry cement. It’s hardened around her bones and suffocated the muscles she remembers always being so strong, so fast. Now, there are cracks around her elbows and knees from where she’d tried to fight it - back when she could still try to break through the rubble on her own.

Evidence of a battle lost; the cement hardened just the same. 

Lottie inhales, feeling her lungs slowly expand and constrict. She watches the twinkling lights Nat helped her hang from the ceiling when the overhead lamp suddenly became too much to bear. She’d said it was like she had a sleeping beauty disorder. It was meant to cheer her up, Lottie figures. But really, it only made the pit grow deeper. She was as far from a princess as someone could ever feel. 

As Lottie adjusts again, she hears a quiet knocking. She turns her head to see the door opening and Jackie hovering beside it. 

“Hi…”

She’s in her pajamas and holding her plush strawberry bunny to her chest. In her other hand is her blue pump and the bag of formula it connects to. Lottie can see the line snaking up under her shirt and the little bump above her belly button from her new tube. 

Baby J, she’d named it. Short for Baby Jejuonostomy. 

Lottie smiles at her and pulls her bottom lip. 

“They’re um…” Jackie glances behind her and shuffles on her heels. When she looks back at Lottie and shakes her head, Lottie figures they must be having dinner. “Can we hang out?” 

Lottie doesn’t respond. Instead, she continues to tug at her lip, wondering if Jackie knows she can’t play right now. She can’t care for her the way that she used to - the way that she once did for everyone back in the wilderness. 

“And… cause… my bunny… she misses you a lot.”

Lottie frowns. She misses Bunny too. She misses playdates and tea parties with Bunny and Bambi. Thinking about it now brings tears to her eyes. There’s nothing she wouldn’t give to bounce right out of bed and have another. 

“Also, I know your body hurts a lot,” Jackie adds. “And that like… you have to be in bed now. But I- I get it ‘cause my body also hurts.”

Lottie’s thumb absentmindedly finds its way into her mouth.

“So I was thinking that we could have a sleepover together. Like when I got my new tubie and you stayed in my room and-”

A jagged edged lump rises to the top of Lottie’s throat. When Jackie came home from the hospital eight days after her surgery, Lottie had stayed in her room to help her. She’d changed the bandages when it was too much for Jackie to look at and flushed water in between feeds so it wouldn’t get clogged. She doesn’t know how to explain that she can’t do that anymore. More importantly, doesn’t know how to explain that more than anything - she needs someone to do it for her. 

She needs someone to sit with her. Someone to braid her hair so it won’t get matted against the pillows. Someone to bring her new clothes when she’s too achy to walk to the dresser and someone to help slip them on when her heart is beating too fast to stand.

But where the ache in her bones truly lies; Lottie just needs someone to hold her. She needs someone to understand that maybe it won’t get better, maybe it will only get worse, but still stay with her through it all. 

“-and now I could do it for you?” 

What? 

Lottie can’t help it, a tear slips out. 

She whimpers at the way her body’s betrayed her yet again and and presses her palm against her eyes. 

“And help and…” 

The words cut off and Lottie burrows further into her pillows. 

“Oh no,” she hears Jackie whisper. 

It’s followed by quick footsteps on the hardwood floor and something being dropped beside her.

When Lottie looks up, Jackie is kneeling at her bedside. She’s set her tube feeds on the mattress and is looking at her with wide, worried eyes. 

“I didn’t wanna make you cry…” she breathes. “‘m sorry…” 

Lottie sniffs. 

She gives a small nod and points to her head, trying to show that she knows. The reassurance seems to click and Jackie nods too - sniffing before her fear can overtake her. 

She pauses for a moment, brow furrowed in thought, then smiles. Lottie can practically see the lightbulb that pops up above her. 

“Do you wanna have a sleepover with me and Bunny?” Jackie asks, holding out her right hand. “Or do you wanna be alone?” She holds out her left. 

Without any hesitation, Lottie reaches for Jackie’s right hand. 

Jackie erupts into a grin. Lottie can tell she’s about to squeal with excitement but quickly stops herself. She flaps her hands instead and rocks from side to side.

Lottie smiles too and inches over to make room for her. Jackie follows in her lead and climbs under the covers, laying down with her feeds beside her so they’ll be on the same level. 

Lottie just watches, giving herself a moment to take it in. With her free hand, she reaches out to link her pinky with Jackie’s. When Jackie sees it, she giggles softly to herself. 

“You’re the sweetest, Lot.”

—-

They lay like that for a little while, snuggled up together in silence. It isn’t long before finds herself curled into Jackie’s side, half asleep against her. 

It’s the nicest feeling, she thinks. She loves the way that Jackie plays with her hair and speaks so quietly to her. Since she can’t reach any of the picture books Lottie normally likes, she does her best to recount them from memory. Or at least, her memory of the altered versions Nat tells her without any of the sad or scary bits. 

Lottie keeps her thumb in her mouth so she won’t giggle when Jackie starts going on about Cinderella and how she took the Fairy Godmother’s wand to make herself a nice mansion far away from her meanie step mother, then threw herself her own ball with all her animal friends. 

Lottie has to admit, the new versions might be somehow more entertaining than the originals. She likes imagining Cinderella in her pretty castle - a castle just for her - and all the new friends she makes in her new village. 

They’re only interrupted when Nat comes in looking for Jackie, holding a big syringe full of water. 

“Hey, Jack - we’ve just gotta do your flush real quick,” she says, making sure to keep her voice low. 

Jackie frowns and whimpers, shaking her head in protest. 

“I know,” Nat says. “But I’ll be really gentle, okay?” 

While Jackie considers it, Nat glances over at Lottie. When she sees her thumb in her mouth, she subtly grabs the sunshine pacifier from her nightstand and hands it over to her. Lottie smiles as she takes it - it’s always been her favorite. 

“Really super gentle?” Jackie asks. 

Nat nods. “Really super gentle.”

Jackie sighs and accepts the response. She lifts up her shirt and reveals the little button on her abdomen. The extension connected to it has been taped down so it won’t get snagged and there’s a cloth tubie pad shaped like a heart sitting behind it.

Nat pauses her pump, which makes both Lottie and Jackie flinch, and disconnects Jackie’s tube. When she attaches the syringe to the extension, Lottie reaches under the covers for Jackie’s hand.

Jackie holds it tightly and squeezes her eyes shut. Lottie watches, focused as ever, to make sure Nat stays true to her word. Just like always, she is. She pushes the water through as slowly as she can and is sure to pause each time she sees Jackie wince. 

“You’re doing so good, bug,” she says as she finishes. 

The syringe is disconnected and Nat makes easy work of hooking her back up to her tube feeds.

“I’m just gonna grab your pole for you - we don’t want you rolling over on those.”  

Jackie nods. When Nat leaves, she turns back over to Lottie. 

“I think you did good too,” she says. 

Lottie isn’t sure what she’s referring to, but she likes the warmth it brings to her chest. She hadn’t even realized how much she’d needed to hear it. 

“Maybe tomorrow… we can have a Bunny and Bambi tea party but in your bed if you don’t feel good,” Jackie adds. “And with my doll food ‘acause of my tummy.” 

Lottie smiles. She can’t think of anything she’d like more.

[fawnyflower]

open for requests very briefly yay yay yay

hello friends!!!! the school year has started again which means that ironically i will be less busy than during the summer. And nothing serious is happening yet! SO i am taking requests for fics and headcanons. I will not promise to get them all done especially not in a timely manner but id love to see what yall have for me :)

rules below cut

fandoms ill write for:

yellowjackets (most familiar), sweetpea, SU, warrior cats, tuca&bertie, amphibia, adventure time

things i will write about:

agere, petre, vent/impure/trauma reg, padded reg, therianthropy/otherkin id. fluff - angst spectrum is wide open i will do anything on that range. NO nsfw or smut. barely disguised fetish requests will be deleted.

pls include in request the character(s) (specify cg/reg/flip please!) and whether you’d like a fic or headcanons

[fawnyflower]

little!rhiannon lewis headcanons

-> BOOK CANON not show - lots of things are different!, discussions of child abuse and serious childhood injury, second half has spoilers for book 3, not all that fluffy cuz it’s rhi rhi :(, canon typical cws

-> Rhi has said in canon that her last simple and happy moment was the Christmas before she got her traumatic brain injury, when she was six. In an ideal world that would be what she regresses to, but more often, she feels like she did just after the attack - terrified, hurting, and unable to do anything. She loses speech and motor skills, everything she had to work so hard to re-learn in the hospital after Priory Gardens. Her regression age is six - just a six year old with serious frontal lobe damage who behaves much more like a younger child.

-> She desperately needs a caregiver but she’s never let anyone in enough to be one for her before she meets Rafael. She told Craig in a desperate moment but he was actively weirded out by it and pretended she’d never said anything. Sometimes, in her saddest and most desperate moments, she’d go on her chat forum and try to solicit attention from men, just in an attempt to find someone willing to take care of her.

-> Her Sylvanians are her most prized possessions and they must ALWAYS be accounted for. As in canon, if anyone touches them or disturbs them, she will have a screaming, crying, throwing things meltdown. Each one has a name, personality, job, and family, and her cg had better remember them all correctly or else it’s over.

-> She’s an absurdly clingy regressor - always needs to be holding on to somebody. If she has no cg, she cuddles with Tink, and if there’s no Tink either, she squeezes a pillow or her gatita plush. If she’s separated from whoever she’s cuddling, even for a minute, she’ll scream and cry and risk a Rhiannon Meltdown until they’re returned to her.

-> She doesn’t like admitting it but she uses regression gear; sippy always (otherwise her drinks spill), separated plates even when she’s big (she doesn't like food touching), paci at bedtime, padding… well, she has to be fought into it, but she really needs it. She also always wears her horse shirt and gets really sad without it.

->Her meltdowns are severe and serious. Not only is she crying, she’s screaming, throwing things, and trying to hurt herself or other people. She hits her head/bangs it on things, pulls out her hair, stabs at tables or couches or people if they’re around, kicks and fights, yells mean words… before she has a carer to help her, her meltdowns lead to serious injury of herself or others every single time they happen.

CG!rafael headcanons - SPOILERS for book 3!

-> Rafael, being the love of her life & the wonderful man that he is, is able to intuit that there are times she feels smaller (like at the superbloom, or after a call from her sister). He knows that this is a sensitive subject and doesn’t bring it up before she’s ready, but he takes care of her in minor ways before that, like taking a turn driving or making her some tea.

-> She does not let herself think of him as a father figure. Her dad was her dad, and she loved him, and he died, so how can she bring somebody else in to pretend to be him? She does let Raf call himself Papí, and eventually starts using that name as well - but make no pretenses, he is not actually her dad, and to conflate them will lead her into a serious meltdown.

-> Most regression scenes start with Rhi panicking or otherwise freaking out, shutting down, and Raf coming to the scene and scooping her up. He lets her cry, scream, hit (not people, though - pillows or plushies or the bed), etc as much as she needs, then he makes her a snack and either plays Sylvanians with her or reads to her until she falls asleep.

-> She isn’t usually verbal when small but she can sign a few words, so she and Raf communicate that way. She also often draws her feelings or writes if she feels capable enough.

-> She’s very afraid of being secretly hated and needs constant reassurance. She benefits a lot from physical reminders that she’s loved - her wedding ring, the matching tattoo, etc. Still, she often passes Rafael notes that say heartbreaking things in her terrible handwriting: “mad at Me?”, “iM sorry”, etc :(

[fawnyflower]

rhiannon lewis you are so age regressor. especially in the books. I just read that part of thorn in my side where she has a flashback about her mom and then describes her head as feeling full of cotton wool… okay. Okay. okay baby let’s get you a sippy cup and a sylvanian vacation house Okay?

[fawnyflower]

Headcanons on Da way btw :3

[fawnyflower]

rhiannon lewis you are so age regressor. especially in the books. I just read that part of thorn in my side where she has a flashback about her mom and then describes her head as feeling full of cotton wool… okay. Okay. okay baby let’s get you a sippy cup and a sylvanian vacation house Okay?

[paramountinplace]

Please do babyre!nat and cg!lottie 😭 nobody ever does a super little nat and i yearn for it

The Ways of Music - Little!Nat, Cg!Lottie

Summary: Mari wants to listen to music with Nat, but Nat's taking a nap and Lottie's not sure how to work Nat's record player anyway. Luckily, Misty's got a stereo and a case of CDs for them to work with once Nat's up from her nap. Ft. Nat, Lottie, Mari, Misty More notes at end

"Woah, slow down, speed racer," Lottie exclaims, reaching out to catch Mari around the waist before she can barrel past her to Nat's room. She's just managed to get Nat to doze off for a nap and if her hunch is correct, Mari is ready to barge into the room at full speed.

"Lemme go," Mari grunts, trying to wiggle out of Lottie's hold. She plants her hands on her wrists and pushes, making Lottie wince.

"Hey, Mar," she says firmly, trying to catch Mari's eyes. "Look at me."

Mari stops struggling long enough to glance over, lips turned down in a fierce pout.

"Nat's sleeping, honey," Lottie continues. "I don't want you running in there and waking her up."

The girl goes lax in her hold, twisting so she can hold Lottie's shoulders, looking up at her with a furrowed brow.

"She's sleepin'?"

"Yes," Lottie nods, "and we don't want to wake the baby, do we?"

Mari shakes her head urgently. She pauses for a long moment, emotions warring on her face as she chews on her lip.

"I wanted to have music time with Nat," she admits, sounding disappointed. "She said we could."

Lottie hums, gently nudging Mari to walk down the hallway with her so they weren't have their conversation directly outside Nat's room.

"I'm sure she'd be happy to do music time with you when she's feeling a little older," she tries to reason.

'I wanted it today," Mari retorts stubbornly. She pulls away from Lottie to march into her own room. Lottie trails behind her, leaning on the doorframe as she watches Mari dig through a pile of things on her beanbag chair. After a moment, she unearths what she had been searching for and straightens, turning to display it proudly to Lottie. It's a flat parcel, clumsily wrapped in construction paper that Mari had obviously doodled all over in decoration, complete with a card taped to the front that read To Nat.

"Aw, Mar," Lottie coos. "You got Nat a gift?"

Mari nods emphatically. She's holding the parcel delicately, like she's concerned it'll fall apart at any second.

"I picked a record for us," she explains softly. "'Cause Nat took me to the doctor and made sure I didn't cry."

"That's so sweet of you, honey," Lottie murmurs. "Nat's going to be really happy about that."

Mari flushes, ducking her head.

"I just wanted to give it today," she says, turning to place the gift gently on her bedside table. She sounds incredibly put-out and it makes Lottie's heart pang a little.

"Tell you what, Mar," Lottie offers, "why don't you help me out with Nat today? That way you can still spend some time with her."

Mari perks up a bit, stepping closer.

"Can we still listen to music?"

Lottie turns the request over in her head a few times.

"We'll have to see," she finally decides. She isn't exactly sure how to work Nat's record player—not that it looks particularly complicated, but her music collection is one of Nat's most treasured things and she doesn't want to mess with it without her express permission.

"I can ask Misty to do it for us," Mari tries, nodding. "She knows how and she's always super careful with it and Nat said she's allowed."

"Is Misty home today?" Lottie asks.

Mari shrugs. "Think so. I dunno."

"We'll have to see, then," she repeats, holding an arm out for Mari. "Let's go have a snack while we wait for Nat to wake up, okay?"

...

Mari's a whirling ball of energy until Lottie decides Nat's probably been asleep for long enough. She calms some as they head upstairs, but Lottie still makes her wait outside the door while she wakes Nat so that they don't overwhelm her right out of her sleep.

Nat's balled up in one corner of her bed, back pressed against the wall and Lottie sits on the edge of the mattress, placing a gentle hand on Nat's calf.

She starts talking, quietly at first and gradually rising to her normal tone as she rambles about nothing, waiting for Nat to recognize her voice. When the girl shifts, face scrunching as she starts to wake up, Lottie moves her hand up to her back, rubbing in wide circles.

"Hey, sleepyhead," she greets when Nat's eyes finally land on her. "Good nap?"

She doesn't expect a reply, reaching forward to help guide Nat upright. Her face is still sleep-scrunched adorably and she waits for Nat to get her bearings a little more, letting her lean heavily against her side, before she beckons Mari into the room.

"Hi, Nat," Mari murmurs, movements much more contained than before as she crouches by the bed. Nat's mouth curves into a small smile and Mari looks up at Lottie with unbridled excitement.

"Someone's happy to see you," Lottie says, unable to keep her own smile from spreading across her face.

"It's 'cause I'm your favorite, huh, Nat?" Mari asks, reaching up to the tip of Nat's nose gently. Nat makes a small sound as her face contorts and Mari shrugs. "That was probably a yes."

"Maybe," Lottie chuckles. "But I'll bet Nat doesn't have favorites."

Nat's head falls against her shoulder and she raises a brow at Mari.

"See? She agrees with me."

"That doesn't mean anything," Mari groans, but she's smiling, offering up a hand for Nat to grasp at.

They sit quietly for a while before Mari starts to get restless and Lottie realizes she should probably check if Nat needs changed.

"Why don't you go find Misty and ask her your question? We'll meet you," she instructs, relieved when Mari obeys without complaint.

Nat's dry, which adds a pit stop to their trip down to the kitchen for some milk, because Lottie's not actually sure if Nat had had anything yet that day. By the time she's gotten everything sorted, she realizes she has no idea where Misty and Mari are.

"Where do you think, hm?" She asks Nat, giving her a little bounce. Her arms are getting a little tired, but Nat's holding onto her tightly enough that she's not sure she'd let her go if she tried, so she ignores it. "Let's try the study. Misty's got that exam coming up, so I'll bet she's doing work."

Her hunch turns out to be correct and she can hear their voices floating down the hallway before she sees them and Nat wiggles excitedly in her arms.

As she enters the study, she sees Mari leaning over Misty's shoulder, peering at the huge textbook she has open on the desk in front of her.

"—quite simple, actually, but it's not the prettiest thing in the world and I'm not entirely sure you should be looking at this, now that I think of it," Misty is saying. She gently nudges Mari back, flipping the textbook shut and Lottie opts not to question whatever it is that they'd been looking at. "Oh, hey, Lottie. Hi, Nat."

Her voice gets much softer over the second greeting and Lottie can't hold back a snort.

"Someone's got favorites."

"Yep," Misty chirps, standing up from her chair. Lottie's about seventy percent sure she's joking. Maybe sixty. "What's up?"

"Can we listen to music?" Mari asks, bouncing on the spot. Her and Misty were never especially close, but they both loved listening to music with Nat and it had brought them together a little more.

Misty hums, face twisting in consideration.

''Let's not use Nat's things without her permission, Mari," she begins, getting an immediate groan of protest. She holds up her finger. "But, I have a stereo in my room. I know it's not the same thing, but do you think we could try that?"

Mari huffs, crossing her arms, but Lottie can tell she's considering the idea seriously. Misty shifts from foot to foot as she waits for Mari to come to a decision, adjusting her glasses. After a tense few moments, Mari uncrosses her arms and looks at Misty.

"Can I pick the music?"

"Well, I—" Misty cuts herself off, shaking her head a little. "Of course you can."

Mari whoops excitedly, jolting forward with her arms up like she's about to throw them around Misty before she freezes awkwardly. Misty bites her lip, holding out one arm and Mari leans into it, giving her a quick squeeze before pulling away and bouncing out of the room happily. It's the most awkwardly sweet thing Lottie's seen all day and she smiles sincerely at Misty.

"You better beat her up there or she might rip apart your CD collection," she warns playfully. Misty seems to take the warning seriously and she bolts out of the room in a way that makes Nat giggle wildly.

Lottie follows a little slower, relieved when she reaches Misty's room and there's a beanbag set out thoughtfully for her to sink onto with Nat on her lap. Mari and Misty are knelt by a shelf containing a few rows of CDs. Van had built it for Misty in an early-on attempt to extend an olive branch and Misty had kept it around despite it not matching the rest of the furniture in her room.

"You have a lot of the same music as Nat," Mari observes quietly, almost reverent as she scans the CDs on the shelf. Misty's smile is small, almost private.

"Yeah," she says. "Nat's got music."

Mari glances over her shoulder at where Lottie sits with Nat, who's mouthing distractedly at the hem of her sleeve, leaning against Lottie's chest. She leans forward to speak to Misty quietly.

"I got her new music," she tells the blonde eagerly.

"What did you get?"

"It's a secret," Mari replies, a little apologetic.

Misty smiles. "Well, I'm sure she'll love it, Mar."

Mari nods, brightening with Misty's approval. She reaches out and pokes at one of the CDs. Misty pulls it out, flashing the black and white cover at Lottie.

"Nice pick," Misty congratulates, sliding the disc out of the case to slip into the stereo.

She twists the volume dial and Lottie watches fondly as she and Mari both sprawl out on their backs on the floor. When the opening notes of the first song play, Nat wiggles a little in her lap, babbling quietly.

"You like this one, baby?"

"The eighth track is her favorite right now," Misty pipes up from the floor.

"Are we listening to this whole thing?" Lottie asks, a little incredulous. She didn't think Mari's attention span was quite that expansive, but Misty nods.

"Yup! Now hush, just listen."

Lottie clamps her mouth shut before she can snap back, realizing that Nat too is pawing at her shoulder to get her to be quiet. She settles back against the beanbag, letting Nat shift until she finds a comfy spot on her chest, head coming to rest just over her heart. Lottie lets her eyes slide shut as she listens, drawing shapes over Nat's back in time with the music. She cracks her eyes open every now and then to make sure Nat hasn't drifted off, because another nap might make it hard to get to sleep at bedtime, but the girl is wide-eyed every time she peeks, seemingly listening intently. She babbles happily at a few moments and Mari sits up to inform Lottie that they're parts that big Nat always comments on.

When the track that Misty identified as Nat's favorite comes on, she sits up off Lottie's chest a little to listen, swaying slightly as she does. Lottie watches with a fond smile on her face, glancing over at Mari and Misty. Mari has her eyes closed, but her mouth is split with a huge grin as she listens, feet tapping against the floor. Misty's face is impassive, but her whole body is lax, shoulders loose of the tension she usually carries around.

"You're a little music magician, huh?" She murmurs to Nat once she settles back against Lottie's chest. She puts a hand through Nat's hair a few times, getting a hum in response.

(They're listening to Fleetwood Mac's Rumours! Sorry it took so long to reply to this, anon!)

[paramountinplace]

could you do a fic about cg!lottie and little!nat? something like nat usually being more of a little kid when she’s regressed, but showing signs of slipping further? doing things like putting things in her mouth, getting fussy over little things, wanting to be held, etc etc. i can’t think of a specific prompt, but if you feel up to it, complete creative freedom haha (love your work btw! always so accurate to the characters and so entertaining)

Doesn't Take A Genius - Little!Nat

Summary: Nat's feeling a little younger than usual. Lottie's stumped, until she isn't. More notes at the end!

"Nat," Lottie murmurs, reaching out for the third time to pull the giraffe toy away from Nat's mouth. She's sitting on the couch, watching Nat play zoo (or maybe pet shop, she's not entirely sure) on the carpet in front of her. "Are you hungry, kiddo?"

She's half-talking to herself because Nat has hardly been responding to her questions all morning, communicating largely through nods and shrugs. It comes as a bit of a surprise, then, that Nat replies.

"No," she says firmly, shaking her head to emphasize. She repeats herself again, quieter, as she gets up on her knees to trot the giraffe over the tops Lottie's legs. The toy gets a ride down Lottie's shin, aided by a whooshing sound effect from Nat as it goes, before she parks it between Lottie's socked feet, where most of the other animals are lined up. Lottie hasn't been able to shift positions because every time she moves, Nat whines that she's going to ruin the animals.

"Well, if you get hungry, let me know," Lottie instructs gently. "I can get you something to chew on that isn't plastic and rubber."

Nat doesn't seem to be listening, humming to herself as she picks out a new toy. She takes the elephant on the journey up one of Lottie's shins before walking it over her knees and letting it slide down the other shin, repeating the process with a few different animals. She's using the horse when Lottie realizes the toy's made its way into Nat's mouth again and she decides she might have to put her foot down. Gently, if she can help it.

"Nat," she says. "If I see another toy in your mouth, we're gonna have to swap activities."

It makes Nat's eyes well up almost instantly and Lottie reels for a second, taken aback by how quickly Nat's entire face crumples. She hooks Nat under the arms and guides her upwards, helping her climb into her lap as she coos aimlessly.

"Hey, hey," she murmurs, "what's all this, kiddo?"

Nat's replaced the toy horse with her thumb and she babbles something unintelligible around it, tears still coming fast. She's not fully sobbing, just little hiccups occasionally, but Lottie's still confused and more than a bit concerned. She shifts to be able to cradle Nat against her chest a little better and it seems to work wonders. Nat's unsteady breathing calms quickly once her cheek is pressed to Lottie's chest and she nuzzles her nose against the fabric of Lottie's shirt with a small sigh. Lottie rocks them back and forth slightly, half for herself and half for Nat.

She settles back against the couch cushions, keeping her grip loose on Nat so that the girl can get up to keep playing if she chooses, but she doesn't move, seemingly content to stay in Lottie's lap. Lottie tries once to adjust Nat's thumb because she's not sure if she'd seen Nat wash her hands at all that morning, but it gets such a fierce whine that she gives up and returns to rubbing soothing circles on Nat's back instead.

Tai comes into the room after long, book tucked under one arm and balancing a mug and a bowl in each hand. Her face softens into a smile when she sees them and she sits carefully on the couch a few feet away, setting her things on the coffee table.

"Are we napping or just resting?" She asks, silently checking in if she's intruding on anything, like Nat needing a moment to herself. Lottie's pretty sure Nat's just fine, other than her newfound penchant for stuffing things in her mouth and crying whenever Lottie's more than a few paces away, so she gives Tai a bright smile.

"Just sitting," she replies, giving Nat a little bounce. It gets a giggle from the girl and she thumps her head against Lottie's shoulder.

"A'ain," she mumbles around her thumb and Lottie obeys, giving her another bounce. It gets another round of giggles before Nat is asking for it again, at which point she whispers that they can do more in a little, but she's going to talk to Tai super quick.

"Someone's a happy camper today," Tai says fondly, taking a long sip from her mug.

Lottie looks down at Nat, who has seemingly decided to occupy herself by twisting her fingers in Lottie's hair.

"Happy and small," she intones, proving herself right when Nat doesn't protest being called small. It's more of a Mari thing to defend her grown-up-ness, but Nat's been known to do it too. "At least, I think that's what's going on. Otherwise, we've got a hungry hungry kiddo on our hands."

"Hun'ry kiddo," Nat repeats, startling them both.

"Are you now?" Lottie asks. Nat shrugs, ducking her head as if to hide the fact that she's got her thumb in her mouth again. "She doesn't normally..."

Lottie trails off as she gazes down at Nat, finding herself a little lost in thought as her eyes trace over the soft curves of Nat's cheeks. She looks relaxed, Lottie realizes, more so that usual. Even small, Nat carries a certain amount of tension between her shoulders, a burden of responsibility that she can't quite seem to shake. It's quieter, smaller than the one Tai hefts, but it's there.

Nat squirms, tipping backwards so that her head is dangling over one of Lottie's arms and she's looking at Tai upside down. Tai sticks her tongue out playfully and Nat collapses into giggles again, picking her face up, now pink in the cheeks, to check if Lottie had seen.

"That was funny, huh, sweetheart?" She says, bracing herself when Nat tips backwards again to do it once more.

"She doesn't," Tai agrees, referring to Lottie's earlier statement. "But she's also not normally so...carefree."

Nat pushes her feet into the sofa and Lottie's arm gives out, sending Nat toppling against the cushions, which only seems to make her giggle harder. She wiggles around until she can reach one of the throw pillows and grabs at it, squealing when Tai's hand darts out to snatch it away.

"What's different now?" Lottie asks Tai, opening her arms to catch the pillow Tai tosses at her over Nat's head. She gets an armful of both pillow and Nat as the girl launches herself at Lottie to try getting the pillow back. She laughs, catching Nat around the waist and twisting so that she thunks gently against the couch cushion. Nat pops back up instantly, hair mussed and grin wide as she makes another grab for the throw pillow. Lottie lets her have it this time, but Nat seems tuckered out already and chooses to lay it down in Lottie's lap so that she can put her head atop it, sprawling out.

Tai shrugs, taking a bite of her yogurt.

"Quiet house, nothing to do today," she begins listing. "You've been taking care of her all day, so she's feeling safe and happy."

Lottie ducks her head. Tai always goes for the subtle praise. Hidden within her words though, is Lottie's answer to why seemingly out of nowhere, Nat's gone much younger than they're used to. She's quiet in Lottie's lap now, gazing up at the ceiling and Lottie puts a hand through her hair gently. In contrast to most of the other girls, as a general rule, the more spooked Nat is, the older she'll feel. It's not a constant, but Nat's need to feel like she can protect herself often wins out over the urge to let someone else step up for her.

"When'd you get so smart?" She teases Tai. Nat's eyes flutter shut and she shifts to press her face into Lottie's stomach, blocking the sunlight pouring into the room from her eyes. Tai snorts, leaning back with her mug.

"It doesn't take a genius to put Nat feeling safe and Nat feeling younger together," she deadpans. Lottie rolls her eyes, but there's something happy bouncing around in her chest that's keeping her from getting too annoyed with Tai.

"Oh, hush," she retorts, wincing when Nat whines in her lap at the volume. She lowers her voice. "Sorry, sorry."

Tai doesn't say anything, smile still playing across her lips as she opens her book and buries her nose in it. Lottie occupies herself by counting the hairs on Nat's head that stayed oddly blonde after she stopped bleaching it as Tai reads and Nat dozes, limbs flung out comfortably.

She doesn't even stir when Mari bangs into the room with Shauna close behind, hushing her.

"Sorry," Shauna whispers. She grabs Mari's shoulder and points to a sleeping Nat. Mari's mouth forms a little 'o' and she puts a finger up to her mouth, shushing herself.

"It's okay," Lottie says quietly, after they've all waited a beat to see if Nat will jolt awake. When she doesn't, Shauna makes a surprised face.

"That's new," she murmurs, almost to herself.

Lottie nods along.

"She's either faking sleep or...or she's really really chill right now."

Her voice is so soft she's not sure if Shauna will even hear her, but the brunette nods, something like awe painted across her face.

"We'll let you be then," she intones. "Mar, let's have a snack, pal."

They creep out of the room again and satisfied that Nat isn't going to fly awake in a panic, Lottie lets her head fall back against the couch cushions, feeling sleepy by proxy.

"Sleep, Lot," Tai murmurs, voice floating up into the sunlight. Lottie figures she may as well take advantage of the quiet while she can and the weight of Nat's head in her lap is soothing, almost like a blanket.

"Wake me if Nat gets up," she orders, already feeling herself drifting.

"Something tells me I won't need to."

Tai smirks when she realizes she's talking to herself because Lottie, in record time, has dropped off to sleep. It's a cute sight, Nat curled up in her lap as Lottie dozes ungracefully with her head tipped back, and she finds herself wishing she had a camera on hand.

Maybe she can ask Shauna when she passes through again.

Not sure if this is exactly what you were going for, anon, but I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for your comment about characterization as well!

[wiserteriaoverbarefeet]

maybe baby!nat and cg!lottie??

why does my skin start to burn?

little!nat , cg!lottie -> pre/no crash , nat's complex relationship with comfort & touch tw: this is focused on nat's trauma. there are no direct references to abuse, but it's heavily implied. word count: 1099

tag list: @yjdrabbles123 @faireyhouses

Nat's need for touch often felt like a hunger.

It was a pang in the back of her mind; constant and nagging. Each time she found herself small, her stomach would clench and her lungs would constrict - overwhelm filling her to the brim.

"You okay, bub?" Lottie would ask.

She'd smile, soft as ever and extend a tentative hand. Curled fingers would brush by Nat's cheek and stroke away tears that hadn't yet fallen. They were careful and gentle - just like Lottie in her entirety - and still, Nat would pull back.

"Oh..." Lottie would breathe, smile wavering only for a second. "It's alright. I won't touch you."

It was only then that Nat's tears really would spill over.

Because sitting on the floor in Lottie's bedroom, listening to her favorite story with the little brown bear Lottie had bought her secure in her lap - all Nat wanted was to be closer. She wanted to be held... wanted to be safe. She wanted it so badly that somewhere along the way, that hunger pain turned to starvation.

So Nat pushed it away.

She buried the childish desire so deep inside that the only way it could ever be rediscovered would be through autopsy. She forced herself to be content with existing side by side while she'd fiddle with her bear. She hugged Lottie's words as close to her chest as she could to protect herself the way she always did... the way she always had to.

And still, the hunger remained. 

It's the kind of hunger that creeps into your bones and sinks its talons into your soul, begging, wailing, for just a taste of what it might be like to be settled.

It kept Nat up at night, itching like bugs crawling beneath her skin as she resisted the urge to just pick up her phone and tell Lottie needed her. To do the thing that Lottie always told her she could. It haunted her with memories: good ones even more than bad.

The afternoons spent blowing bubbles on the soccer field after practice or walking the long way home from school to stop for popsicles at the stand by the corner.

Nat knew Lottie was safe. She knew it the way that she knew her favorite superhero was spiderman and that Van had the coolest DVD collection she'd ever seen. She knew just like she knew the cramping in her stomach and the ache in her chest.

But that’s the thing about hunger; it can only go on for so long before the body starts to reject the very thing it craves. 

—

They’re in Lottie’s room again with the lights dimmed and the TV running an episode of Blue's Clues. The volume is off but something about the visuals are soothing, so Lottie always keeps it on. Just in case. 

“Nat?” Lottie crouches next to her - a cup of goldfish in hand. “Here, I heard your stomach rumbling.” 

Nat curls in on herself and draws the bear close to her chest.

At home, a rumbling stomach was a nuisance. It was disrespectful, her mom always said. Nat had never understood the complaint - it wasn’t like she could control it. But she knew each time she felt the sensation, it was accompanied by her heart flipping in fear. 

As Nat reaches for the snack, she feels tears spring to her eyes. She wants to apologize the way that she knows she should. She doesn’t want to be rude… especially not with Lottie. But her throat is so tight and she can’t remember how to get it back to normal. 

Still, Lottie doesn’t seem to mind. She lowers herself to the ground and sits criss cross at Nat’s side. She leaves the bowl in her hand but doesn’t pressure her to eat. She never does. 

“Do you wanna read something?” Lottie asks. “Where The Wild Things Are?” 

Nat hesitates. The tears are starting to ache something fierce and her bottom lip is trembling. When Lottie looks at her - her wide brown eyes full of worry - it only makes things worse.

“What is it?” Lottie asks.

Nat shakes her head. She doesn’t know how to tell her it isn’t because she’s sad - it’s the opposite. It’s that Lottie wasn’t angry. It’s that goldfish are her favorite snack and Where The Wild Things Are is her favorite book. It’s that Lottie doesn’t think the ugly, scary creatures are all that evil, just like she doesn’t think the little boy who runs away is bad.

Nat sucks in a breath - the sound shaky and quiet. She wants to hug her so badly it hurts. It’s like her body is fighting itself - the muscles in her arms screaming so many things that Nat can never be sure which she’s supposed to listen to. 

Before Nat can stop it, a sob escapes her. The sound is broken and raspy and as it leaves her, she brings her hands up to her hairline. She tugs at clumps of the bleached strands - not hard enough to pull it out, but hard enough that it’ll sting. 

“Oh, baby…” Lottie coos. She reaches out and places her hands over Nat's wrists. Gently, she pries them away. “I know… I know. But I can’t let you hurt yourself.” 

Nat sniffs. She can feel snot pooling on her upper lip - sticky and cold. She wipes it messily on her sleeve before Lottie can do it for her. 

“It’s okay,” Lottie whispers. “It’s all okay.” 

The words don’t feel true right now, but if Lottie’s saying them, then they must be. 

So Nat lets herself crumble. She sinks backwards, falling slowly into Lottie’s steady frame. And when Lottie pulls her close, Nat lets herself be embraced. 

She lets herself nuzzle her face into the fabric of Lottie’s shirt. She lets herself breathe in the smell of strawberry shampoo and vanilla lotion. She lets herself wrap her arms, as shaky as they are, around Lottie’s neck so she can hug her too.

“I’ve got you,” Lottie says. She rubs her hand in a circle against Nat’s back. It’s a familiar yet foreign gesture - Nat’s seen the way mothers do it to crying children on the playground who’ve fallen over and scraped a knee. But she can’t remember the last time she’s felt it herself. If she’s felt it. 

The thought of it makes Nat cry even harder. She clings as tightly as she can to Lottie - as if loosening her grip might make her dissolve into nothingness. 

“I’ve got you,” Lottie says again. “It’s okay.” 

For the first time, Nat actually believes it.

[paramountinplace]

Younger Van getting really upset whenever she gets her period because she feels weird about her body doing “girl things” as Mari calls it

Mel who is feeling older comforts her

Atta Girl - Little!Van

Summary: As soon above + frog hunting and sandwiches! And the debut of Shauna's new nickname.

"Morning, bud," Mel murmured around the rim of her mug, watching as Van trudged into the room still in her pajamas, hair tucked into the hood of her sweatshirt. She was guessing as to Van's headspace based solely on the way she was carrying herself and figured she'd guessed correctly when Van slumped into a chair at the kitchen table without a word, dropping her head forward into her folded arms.

"Someone's in a mood," Shauna teased lightly, turning away from the sink to dry her hands.

"Shut up," Van grumbled, voice muffled.

Shauna's face shifted, getting ready to scold Van for her language, but Mel leaned forward, grabbing her arm and shaking her head. Van didn't tell people to shut up, especially not when they were older and she was younger, and she definitely didn't do it without even looking over to see if she needed to duck a slap. Something had to be pretty wrong for her to talk like that.

"How did you sleep?" Mel asked casually, reaching up into the cupboard to get Van's favorite cereal down. Shauna passed her a bowl.

"Fine."

Van didn't lift her head right away when Mel set the bowl down gently in front of her, unmoving until Shauna gently instructed her to eat her breakfast. Slowly, she spooned a few bites into her mouth.

"Atta girl," Shauna said approvingly.

Van's spoon clattered into her bowl and she shoved away from the table, on her feet before either of the other two had fully registered what was happening.

"Shut up!" She bit out, scowling at Shauna before whirling on her heel and storming out of the kitchen.

"Woah," Shauna breathed, frozen to the spot. "The hell crawled up hers?"

"Shauna," Mel groaned. "Be nice. Something's wrong."

"Is Tai home?"

Mel leaned up to check the calendar schedule on the wall. Tai's column, penned neatly in small purple letters, indicated that she'd be at work until the late evening that day.

"Nope. And won't be for most of the day," she sighed. Shauna grimaced, going over to squint at Nat's column. The writing was near illegible, which Nat insisted wasn't on purpose, but they all suspected was kind of intentional so it was difficult to tell exactly what was on her schedule.

"Nat's out too, I think," she said.

"I can take care of it," Mel replied, knocking back the last bit of her coffee. She stuck her tongue out at Shauna's disbelieving expression. "Seriously, I can. I've got a feeling I know what's going on anyway."

"Yeah, PMS," Shauna snorted.

Mel raised a brow. "Knock it off, Shauna-bear."

She hurried out of the room before Shauna could say anything, slowing once she reached the hallway as she glanced around to try to figure out where Van had gone. She figured Van's room wasn't the best bet, since it was a bit obvious, but she'd definitely run upstairs because Mel remembered hearing footsteps on the stairwell. Slowly, she made her way upstairs and scanned the doors, looking for anything amiss.

Nat's door stood slightly ajar, which was odd because Mel knew that Nat had left her door wide open when she'd hurried out of the house that morning. She pushed it open gently, glancing around the room. Her eyes landed almost instantly on Van, who was curled up against the wall on the other side of Nat's bed, her red hair poking out from behind the bedside table.

"Oh good, Nat, you're home," she said, leaning over the bed to look at Van, whose face morphed from annoyance to confusion. "Have you seen Van around?"

Van's confused face collapsed as she tried to fight back a giggle.

"No," she murmured, failing to contain the smile spreading across her face.

"I just really need to find Van, I've got something very important to share," Mel continued, widening her eyes.

"Mel," Van giggled, uncurling to sit up on her knees. "It's me."

"I—" Mel paused, making a show of looking Van up and down. "Well, I'll be. It is you! What are you doin' in here, dude?"

Van shrank back again, face falling.

"I was just lookin' for something."

"Did you find it?" Mel asked.

Van shook her head sadly.

"No," she murmured, picking at the knee of her pajama pants. They had begun to fray from how often she wore them.

"Can I help you find it?"

"Um, no, I don't think," Van replied.

Mel nodded slowly, offering a hand.

"Why don't we get outta Nat's room then, huh? We can get changed for the day," she suggested. Van accepted her hand, following Mel silently into her room, letting the blonde sit her on the bed before going to Tai and Van's closet to find some clothes for her.

She pulled out a pair of shorts and one of Tai's hoodies, holding them to Van, who wrinkled her nose disapprovingly.

"Those are too short," she murmured. "The hoodie's got purple."

Mel nodded, swapping them out for a longer pair of denim shorts and a green t-shirt with a dinosaur graphic across the front.

"These okay?"

She managed to convince Van to get changed, but ran into an issue when Van started fussing over her hair, shaking it out of her face frustratedly and batting Mel's hands away when she tried to smooth it back down.

"Buddy, what is going on with you today?" She murmured.

Van slumped back against the bed, covering her face with her hands. She mumbled something into her palms. Mel leaned closer, gently urging her to repeat herself.

"I'm bleedin'," Van admitted, face crumpling as she spoke, tears spilling from the corners of her eyes.

"Wait what—oh—buddy."

Mel opened her arms just in time for Van to roll towards her, letting the redhead bury her face in her shoulder. She smoothed a gentle hand over the braid she'd tied into Van's hair. She'd had her suspicions about what was going on for Van when she'd blown up over Shauna's comment that morning and the ensuing fight over her clothes had only confirmed them.

While she'd never explicitly said anything about it, Mel knew Van struggled with certain girl things, as Mari termed them. She got annoyed when assigned the role of "mama" during games of house and Tai had stopped buying her clothes from the "girls" department almost entirely after one too many meltdowns over her clothes. Her hair could be a hassle every now and again, and Van sometimes shyly requested to borrow one of Mel's hats so she could pin her hair back in a bun and tuck the hat over it so she wouldn't have to think about it.

Being on her period was always a touchy subject for Van. A lot of the time, she didn't quite seem to have the words to put it all. She never talked about it much beyond insisting that it felt wrong and griped about it not making any sense, but she was always moodier and more reserved when she was on it. She strayed away from group games and buried herself in her favorite of Nat's sweaters. Her usual personality was turned way down until the week had passed and she was relatively normal again for a while.

"I know it's hard," Mel murmured, patting Van's back as she cried quietly.

"Make it stop," Van whimpered. She made the same pitiful request every month and no one had figured out the best way to respond yet. Not even Tai knew exactly what to say.

"I'm sorry, buddy."

Mel let Van cry herself out, slowing her breathing down for the redhead to copy until she'd calmed down, pulling back from Mel's side to wipe clumsily at her face with the back of one hand.

"I want Tai."

"She'll be home later," Mel promised. She darted out of the room to grab a washcloth soaked in some cool water to wipe Van's reddened face off with. "How about we make a plan for the day until then?"

Van nodded, holding carefully still as Mel went over her scars.

"'Kay."

"Here's what I'm thinking," Mel continued. "We have a little nap right now. Then we can do lunch and you can have your Gameboy for a bit. After that, we go for a walk in the woods and hunt for frogs."

Van perked up a little, eyes brightening at the suggestion of both video game time and frog hunting in the same day. She looked like she was about to nod, but she hesitated.

"Will we be back before Tai gets home?"

"We can, yeah," Mel agreed and Van relaxed, finally giving a nod of approval for the plan.

Mel got her down for a nap easily, tucking her in with her dinosaur teddy and promising to go have a look for Nat's sweater. Van's eyes were shut before Mel had even finished reassuring her that no, Nat probably didn't throw the hoodie away without telling anyone just to get back at Van for taking the blue LEGO piece last week.

She was actually pretty sure Nat was just wearing the sweater today and that's why it hadn't been out on her desk chair where it normally sat, but she made an effort to poke around in the laundry room and check the coat racks for it too.

...

"'Sup, kid," Shauna greeted when Mel walked Van into the kitchen a few hours later. She was standing at the counter prepping sandwiches for Mari, Akilah, and Jackie, who were all already seated around the table. Mel had tugged one of her hats down over Van's head after her nap, which seemed to give her the boost she needed to come downstairs with her.

"Hi," Van murmured, sliding into one of the bar stools at the worktop. She crossed her arms, leaning back a little. "Sorry for telling you to shut up."

Shauna shrugged, pulling out an extra two slices of bread to make Van a sandwich too.

"No biggie. Sorry for pressing your buttons," she replied, reaching across the worktop to tap at the tip of Van's nose, which made a giggle spring out of her.

"You said butt," Van whispered and Shauna snorted. She finished assembling the sandwiches and turned to the cabinet to grab plates. She pulled out the first four she saw before pausing and swapping out one of them for a blue plate with footballs on it towards the bottom of the stack for Van.

"Here, bud," she said, plating Van's sandwich and sliding it over before grabbing the rest and heading to the table. Mel plunked a cup of juice in a matching cup down in front of Van before taking the stool next to her with at leftovers from dinner the night before.

She prompted Van to tell her the plot of the latest movie she'd watched as they ate and found herself caught up in an explanation of the entire LEGO Ninjago universe. The explanation continued until she handed Van her Gameboy after lunch, which quieted her pretty quickly. Mel let her have a little longer than usual on the device before taking it back and directing Van to get her shoes on.

As she bent to tie Van's laces for her, the Ninjago explanation picked up again and she couldn't hold back an amused grin when Van nearly smacked her head into the doorframe as they left the house because of how invested in the topic she was.

"And then he turned out to be a robot, Mel, and—ow, door—and so was the bird. But that's not even the most craziest part of it because 'member the kid from the beginning? He's the green ninja."

"Woah, what? I thought he was a bad guy."

"No. Well, sorta at the start, but his dad's the bad guy. But I'm not 'apposed to know that yet because it comes later. Tai just told me 'cause she thought I saw that part already."

Van slid her hand into Mel's as they walked towards the forest trail they liked to hike to look for frogs, rambling petering off as they got closer and closer.

Just before they were about to enter the treeline, she tugged on Mel's hand.

"Um, thanks," she murmured when Mel paused, turning to look at her. There was a beat of silence before Van hurried out the next part of her sentence. "For letting me borrow your hat."

"Oh, yeah," Mel nodded. "Of course, buddy."

"'Kay. Can we pretend we're ninjas?"

"Sure, but I get to be the cool green one," Mel teased, a little surprised when Van agreed.

"I wanna be the earth one so I can find the frogs better," she explained as they crossed onto the trail.

"Gotcha. You take that side of the trail and I'll look on this one," Mel instructed, earning a salute from Van.

They meandered along the trail for a while without much luck. Van found numerous kinds of bugs and Mel glimpsed the tail end of a small, harmless snake, but by the time they'd reached the boulder that marked their usual turnaround point, they hadn't seen any frogs.

"I think I maybe saw a toad maybe," Van murmured as they turned around to go back. They had to walk a little faster than they'd come down because Van wanted to be home before Tai got home and they were going to be cutting it a little close.

"Let's say you did, hm?" Mel winked. Van smiled, nodding.

"Awesome."

"You can tell Tai all about it when we see her soon."

Van whooped happily, a bit more spring in her step as they continued on. She seemed mostly back to her usual self, but she wilted a bit when her face contorted in pain as they walked back, one hand drifting to her beltline.

"We've got medicine at home," Mel soothed, putting a hand on her back.

"I don't want that," Van whined, face flipping from relative calm to I'm gonna cry in mere seconds at the reminder of what her body was experiencing.

"Shh, let's just focus on getting back to see Tai first then, okay?"

"Tai first, okay," Van parroted, sniffling.

"Yeah, bud," Mel murmured, wrapping an arm around Van's shoulders. "It's okay. You're okay."

Might do a part 2! I know the ending is a little abrupt but I wanted to post this regardless because it's been sitting in my inbox for a minute 🙈

[oftheforesttown]

meant to have this finished a bit earlier but I got totally slammed with school work but it’s done now so all is well✨ here’s another little piece for @cryingatwindermerepeaks safe and sound au! I had a grand old time with this one especially because lottie is my favorite yellowjacket! hope you like it <3

little!lottie moodboard / fanart based on various content and media from cryingatwindermerepeaks’ safe and sound au

if anyone has yellowjackets age regre suggestions / requests feel free to ask in my ask box thingy(?) can’t guarantee I’ll be able to do full things like this regularly but I’d love to do little doodles and simpler pieces!

[cryingatwindermerepeaks]

Hi Adi! i have re read this like a million times, i was wondering if you could right something like that agian but with little!nat:3 thank you very much, no pressure if not!

https://www.tumblr.com/cryingatwindermerepeaks/784660000606961664/could-you-write-a-fluffy-fic-about-babylottie

Little!Nat - Night Time

Notes -> little!nat, cg!lottie, pull-ups, nursing, safe and sound agere au

Word count: 973

The 9 steps of Nat’s bedtime routine:

Dinner. Mari had cooked paella, which was yummy but messy. Nat had rice in her hair and sauce on her shirt. It didn’t really matter though, she’d spent the meal across from Van, the two fighting with their legs under the table until Shauna had grumbled at them to stop. Then they’d moved onto a very intense staring competition, which Nat had won. Though, while trying to keep her eyes on Van, she’d spilled a lot of dinner over herself.

Playtime. Too messy to play inside, Nat and the others were sent to play in the backyard whilst Shauna got the first bath. A game of 44 homes was started quickly - Melissa was chosen as it (Van said she should, and Melissa would never say no to Van). Nat and Van worked together to sneak up to the tree house without being spied by Melissa, and ultimately one the game.

Shower time. Tai stuck her head out of the back door to call Nat in for her shower. The sun was beginning to set so she didn’t argue about being called inside - she didn’t much like being out in the dark anyway. In the bathroom, Jackie was standing at the sink, brushing her teeth while Laura Lee brushed her hair back into a braid. She smiled at Nat, mumbling over her toothpaste about the game she’d played with the rubber ducks in the bath. Tai helped Nat out of her clothes, the jorts and red tank top she’d been wearing all day. The shower was set up for her already, a hand towel on the floor and toys set on the edge. Nat preferred showers, the way the warm water cascaded over her head and she could make the toy dinosaurs chase each other against the floor tiles. Whilst Nat played on the floor, Tai helped her clean up.

Teeth. “Will you count, or will I?” Laura Lee asked, handing Nat her toothbrush - blue - with the toothpaste already on it. “Me!” Nat grinned back proudly, taking her toothbrush and jamming it in her mouth. She counted out loud - muffled by foaming toothpaste.

Hair. While Nat counted happily, Laura Lee started to tackle her hair. It had become messy and tangled from the day of playing. Nat never used to like having her hair brushed - memories of pulled hair and muffled tears always coming up - but Laura Lee was gentler than anyone she’d ever known. Nat’s hair was pretty short, a result of her long struggle to figure out what to do with it after the crash. For a while - it had all felt awful. The bleach reminded her of the wilderness, and her natural hair reminded her of home. So she’d buzzed it all off. But it was back down to her shoulders now, ragged and messy, but she liked it that way. With her hair twisted back into a little braid, topped off with a blue hair tie, Nat was ready for her pajamas. Laura Lee patted her back gently to dismiss her, and Nat was quick to hop out of the way. Once Nat was out of the bathroom, she was greeted by Lottie who was dropping Van off. Van had somehow acquired significantly more mud then the last time Nat had seen her, and was quickly pulled to the bath. Lottie smiled at Nat, offering out a hand. “Bed time?”

Change. Nat nodded, letting her hand slip into Lottie’s. Now was probably Nat’s favourite time of night, she got to be really small, Lottie’s baby small. She didn’t have to be Van’s rough house buddy, or Laura Lee’s good helper. Nat could just be Lottie’s baby. Lottie took Nat to her room, picking out a long sleeved onesie with a little dinosaur on the front of it and a pair of matching red dinosaur pajama pants. Nat had already lay herself down on her bed, thumb in mouth as she gazed distantly at the stars on her ceiling. Lottie dried her off the last little bit, and got her in a pull-up first before getting her into the pajama. “That’s my baby,” she cooed, pressing a kiss to Nat’s forehead.

Bottle. “You get settled and Mama will go grab your bottle, ok?” Nat hummed softly, pulling herself up so that she was nestled amongst her pillows and stuffies. Lottie barely took any time getting Nat’s bottle, and before Nat could even start to miss her she was back, climbing into the bed next to her. “Come here my sweet little one,” Lottie petted her lap and Nat climbed onto it, resting her head on Lottie’s shoulder. Lottie leant back against the headboard and brought the bottle to Nat’s lips. The milk was warm in Nat’s mouth. It soothed her throat and made her mind fuzzy. Her lips moved on instinct, suckling the comforting liquid which settled in her mouth softly. She was nestled in the crook of Lottie’s arm and felt cocooned in a bubble of safety.

Lottie. Her eyes began to flutter close before the milk dried up. She stayed awake, though her eyes were closed. She whined in protest, a soft grumble low in the base of her throat, as her comfort was stolen away. She managed to get over it quickly though, feeling her head guided towards Lottie’s body and letting her lips instinctively find skin. She smelt lightly of soft herbs and lavender, soothing Nat closer to sleep. It was just as comforting as the bottle, warm and soft. The motion let Nat feel closer to her Mama than anything else could let her.

Sleep. Suckling softly on the soft skin of her Mama’s collarbone, Nat let the day fade away softly. She let her breathing even out in time with Lottie’s and soon enough she was fast asleep.

[petalmeadows-crossing]

[paramountinplace]

🍓 - feel free to ignore this! no rush at all! perhaps a fic abt little van struggling very badly with nightmares like you mentioned in the last fic, abt the wolves, and lottie/nat/both comforting her?

Gameboy Prince - Little!Van

Summary: As requested above! Van has trouble getting back to sleep after a nightmare, but Nat and Lottie know just what to do. Sorry if this is a little short, but I hope you enjoy regardless!

Natalie's eyes flew open and she shot upright, scanning the room as she tried to figure out what had woken her. She was laying horizontally at the end of a bed, head propped up on a soft pillow. Her gaze fell on two bodies and she remembered where she was: sprawled across the foot of Lottie's bed. Van lay on one side, curled into herself and wrapped around her favored moose teddy, while Lottie lay propped up against the headboard next to her, arms crossed over her chest like she'd nodded off on accident.

She realized what had woken her when Van's body jolted and she made a scared little noise, curling further into herself as did did. Nat's brain caught up to her and she remembered why she was sleeping at the foot of Lottie's bed like a dog.

"Van," she murmured, getting to her feet so she could crouch down by the side of the bed. "Hey, wake up, bud."

Van had been struggling with a rough bout of nightmares, brought on by some unknown trigger. She hadn't been able to go much longer than an hour without sobbing herself awake, half-delirious with fear and exhaustion.

Careful not to put her hands too close to Van's face, Nat gave the redhead a slight shake.

"Van!"

Her voice got through to Lottie, despite not yet waking Van, and the other woman sat up with a gasp. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes quickly and winced sympathetically when she realized what was going on.

"I'm gonna go get her juice," she said quietly, pushing herself to her feet.

Nat nodded, shaking Van a little harder as her distressed noises picked up. The sounds had started to become words, broken pleas for Tai and Lottie and something that sounded a lot like Mama. Her hands had come up to shield her face protectively.

"Van!" She finally raised her voice to a shout, relieved when it was enough to startle Van out of whatever terrible memory she'd been trapped in. Van scrambled back from Nat, hands out in front of her in the way she tended to do when woken unexpectedly, but she stopped as soon as she recognized who was in front of her.

"You know where you are?" Nat asked gently, rising to sit on the edge of the bed. Van nodded, breathing hard.

"Lottie," she whispered, probing at her cheek with one hand.

"That's right," Nat replied. "Were you having a scary dream?"

"Uh huh." Van's voice was shaky as she nodded. She looked like she still didn't quite believe she was awake yet, frozen awkwardly in the middle of the bed as she glanced around the room skittishly.

"I've got the blue cup which—" Lottie paused as she came back into the room and saw Van awake, expression morphing into one of gentle openness. "Hey, baby."

Van's carefully blank mask fell away as Lottie drew closer and she didn't hesitate when the other woman opened her arms, setting the lidded cup of juice on the nightstand as she sat back down on the bed. She curled up against Lottie's side and dropped her head down against her shoulder, still strangely silent.

"Lotta dreams tonight, huh?" Lottie murmured, reaching for the cup. She offered it to Van, who just stared at it, chewing on her lip.

Lottie exchanged a questioning look with Nat, who just shrugged, equally as confused. They were used to tears and stuttered breathing when Van woke up from nightmares. The still silence was a little unnerving.

"You want a story, bud?" Nat asked, cozying up on Van's other side. "You can even help me tell it."

When her question got no response, Lottie jumped in.

"I'd love a story, Nat," she said, bringing the juice up to Van's mouth for her. The redhead took a few sips before turning away to bury her face in Lottie's shoulder. She sighed, tightening her arms around Van as she nodding to Nat to start up the story.

"Okay, well, once upon a time or something," Nat began. Lottie shot her a heatless glare and she smirked. "There was a little prince who needed to go on an adventure to find something very important for his friends back at home. So he packed up all the things he needed, like a compass, and some water, and his Gameboy—"

Van turned her face out of Lottie's shoulder just a little at that, one eye finding Nat in the dark.

"—into his rucksack for the journey. It started off great. He was just flying through the woods like a champ, finding all sorts of cool things. He found blue frogs and a turtle that played the trumpet—"

"What in the world?" Lottie muttered. Van hushed her, turning a little more towards Nat as she did.

"—and tons of other awesome shit like that."

"Don't say shit," Lottie groaned.

"Sorry, sorry. Don't say shit, Van. Anyways, the little prince was having a really good time on his journey so far. But, when it started to get dark, he figured he better put up for the night because he didn't want to run into any of the big night creatures."

Van looked a little scared at that, nestling back into Lottie more. She'd turned all the way around to face Nat, back flush with Lottie's chest and her arms laid over Lottie's where they were resting around her waist.

Lottie didn't say anything, even if she did give Nat a look.

"He started up a fire, cooked some yummy food, and fell asleep. But then, in the middle of the night, he heard something that woke him from his peaceful slumber. It was...the night creatures," she said, waving her hands vaguely. Van giggled at the face Nat pulled, drawing her eyebrows up and baring her teeth.

"Here's the thing about the little prince," Nat continued, dropping her hands back down to her lap. "He'd had run-ins with the night creatures before. They gave him a big ole' mark on the side of his face with their magical powers, which everyone in the prince's kingdom thought was super cool, even if he didn't like it very much. But he wasn't about to let the night creatures get away with attacking him again. He dove for his rucksack and grabbed his Gameboy."

"Ooh," Lottie exclaimed, giving Van a little nudge.

"The little prince's Gameboy was actually a magical device with, um, special powers granted to it by a—uh—a wizard! Yes, a wizard had blessed the prince's Gameboy with powers to protect him at all times because he was a very special little prince. So, he grabbed out his Gameboy and aimed it right at the night creatures that were snarling and growling at the edge of his camp. He pressed the A button and wham, a glowing beam of light shot out and disintegrated the night creatures!"

Lottie was doing a poor job at hiding her amusement with Nat's story, but Van looked so into it that Nat didn't care. She mimed pointing a device at a corner of the room and made an explosion sound effect.

"Bam! After that, all the night creatures knew not to mess with the little prince, or they'd be disintegrated by his magical Gameboy, so he was able to get a full-up nights sleep and continue on with his very important journey with no issues," Nat finished, nodding to herself satisfactorily.

"Good story, huh, Van?" Lottie asked, mouth still twisted up in a smile. Van nodded, relaxing back against her chest. She'd sat up in excitement as Nat's story had reached its peak, but she was looking much sleepier now. "Maybe we need another one."

"Aw, Lot, c'mon," Nat groaned. She'd had to work to scrap together ideas for the last one. "Maybe some other time, yeah? We should try sleeping again."

Her suggestion made Van whine in protest, fighting Lottie's arms around her waist to sit up again, but Nat gently guided her back down with a hand.

"We can have another story if we wake up again," she soothed. "But it's late, buddy."

"Nat's got a point," Lottie agreed.

Van hung her head sadly, still silent but obviously not wanting to go back to sleep.

"Here," Nat ventured. "What if we all just lay down? You don't have to sleep if you don't want to, but I gotta rest my back. It's been acting up lately."

They managed to get Van laying down, sandwiched comfortably between the two of them. Nat knew full well that once Van was horizontal and Lottie's hand was rubbing soothing circles on her stomach over her shirt that she'd been asleep again in no time.

"Alright, little prince," Lottie murmured as Van's eyes started to droop. "Sweet dreams."

"Mm, get them night creatures," Nat added sleepily, feeling Van's head drop against her shoulder. "Give 'em hell."

"Don't say hell," Lottie hissed.

"She's asleep," Nat protested quietly.

"Still," she replied. "Good story, though. Thinly veiled."

"My specialty," Nat yawned, feeling her own eyes drift shut. "Night, Lot."

"Goodnight, Nat."

[unifoal-archive-deactivated2026]

𓊈🪶𓊉 Farm Kid Regressor Moodboard ｡

[cryingatwindermerepeaks]

Loved the lottie contact needs. Lottie pushing mari or someone off nats lap because she wants to be held too but doesn’t have the words for it. Later it’s very obvious Lottie needs a change but she has a meltdown at the loss of contact

-🐨

Little!Lottie - the feeling comes so fast, and I cannot control it

-> mentions of harmful stims, brief depiction of sh, little!lottie, cg!nat, cg!van, little!mari, safe and sound agere au, autistic Lottie, accidents, diapers,

Word count: 2121

Everything felt wrong. Lottie knew the moment she woke up that it was going to be a bad day. She knew when she was waiting to be let out of her bed and she couldn’t keep her feet from twisting around each other, and her head felt cloudy, and her body a little too floaty.

She imagined herself just floating away, up, up into the ceiling and out of the roof. How cold she’d feel, how alone. She almost forgot she was still in bed - weighed down by her pink weighted blanket - until Van came in to let her out from her crib. “Morning Lot.” Van always smiled at Lottie even if she was sleepy and that made her head feel a little less cloudy. She sat up eagerly and searched around her pillow quickly to find her blankie as Van unlatched and lowered the safety rail. “Sleep well?”

Lottie knew Van didn’t really require a response, but she hummed softly to tell Van she’d slept ok. It wasn’t necessarily true - she’d fallen asleep in Nat’s bed and woken up in her own which was scary and disorienting - but Van didn’t need to worry about that. Van offered out a hand for Lottie to hold, which she bypassed in preference of wrapping her arms around Van’s neck. The pressure felt nice on the skin of her arms and where her chest lay flush against Van’s, a little less like she was going to float away. Van laughed good naturedly, and Lottie knew this because Van never made fun of her. “Did you want a lift, my liege?” She teased, knowing full well what Lottie was requesting. Lottie nodded with a soft hum, pressing her chin into Van’s shoulder and waiting to be picked up properly.

Her weight was shifted gently into Van’s arms and Lottie was happy to wrap her legs tightly around Van’s hips. It felt nice, her body lighter but not at risk of dissolving into sand. Van patted her bottom gently, a wordless question about whether or not it was change time. Lottie shook her head where it sat rested against Van’s shoulder. The only good thing she’d been aware of when she’d woken up was that she wasn’t wet. Whether that was due to a midnight change she’d been too sleepy to remember, or that she’d actually stayed dry the whole night - Lottie wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure that it mattered, either.

They began to walk downstairs, and Lottie tried her best to help Van carry her. She knew Van’s back had been bothering her recently but despite this, Lottie didn’t feel brave enough to just walk. “Is the princess hungry?” Van asked, bouncing Lottie a little on her hip and brushing her bangs, messy from sleep, out of her face. Lottie didn’t feel a need to respond to this - knowing she’d get breakfast soon anyway. She nuzzled further into Van and let the fingers which weren’t twisted around her blankie slip into her mouth. Van tutted lightly, picking up Lottie’s pacifier from where it hung, clipped to the collar of her pink pajama top. She poked it lightly against Lottie’s hand and she took the signal to pull her fingers out and let the pacifier take their place. It was easy to be agreeable when she felt like this, safe and grounded against Van’s body. Rules and requests were easier for her brain to understand and she always seemed to know a little bit better what was expected of her.

“I’m going to go help Tai with breakfast, are you good here?” Van explained as she sat Lottie down on the couch. She was not good, but the lack of contact unsettled her so much that she couldn’t respond. Then Van was gone, and Lottie was alone. The world suddenly felt crushingly big and her so small. Her limbs were buzzing with some sort of energy which felt like it would just burst out of her any second if she wasn’t being held soon. She sucked a little harder on her pacifier, and stroked the silky edge of her blankie against her cheek. But nothing was working. Panicked, she looked around to find something else that would stop the feeling. Lottie was relieved to find Nat sat on the other side of the couch. Mari was curled up in her lap, clad in her pajamas with the little tigers all over them and the tip of one braid tracing over her lips. She looked comfortable on Nat’s lap, Lottie wanted that. She needed it.

Maybe an older, less overwhelmed Lottie would've remembered pushing is wrong. But she didn’t. All she could remember was how it had felt to float away. She crawled across the couch, contemplating for a moment the best way to do this. Nat and Mari were both sleepily watching the morning cartoons and hadn’t really noticed Lottie’s approach. She slammed her body into Mari roughly, replacing her position on Nat’s lap.

“Lottie!”

Lottie didn’t really care for what Nat was saying, burying herself into the safety of her lap. She did catch Mari’s reaction though - teary shock at the disturbance. She instantly felt bad, now that she had the contact of Nat’s body against hers, logical thoughts were starting to come back. But then Shauna came pounding down the stairs with Jackie in toe and Mari looked almost relieved she hadn’t been caught cuddling up on Nat’s lap and she was instantly distracted by Jackie asking to play barbies after breakfast.

Nat sighed, tracing a gentle hand through Lottie’s hair. “You know pushing isn’t ok,” she murmured, a little exasperated. Lottie just huffed, taking Nat’s hand in hers and wrapping it over her shoulders. Nat took the cue, holding Lottie tightly in her lap. “Next time just ask, ok baby?” Nat didn’t sound mad, a little tired if anything, but she wasn’t mad. Finally, things started to feel ok again.

With the steady pressure of Nat around her, the rest of Lottie’s morning went off without a hitch. Nat fed her breakfast, raspberries with peanut butter, and helped her take her meds. Once everyone else had disbanded to go play or complete their chores Nat switched the cartoons to a nature documentary.

Lottie was completely engrossed in the tv, the way the birds were swooping between the trees and flapping their feathers. The words were fluttering over her head meaninglessly. She was safe and comfortable and nothing was going to change that.

Or that’s what she wanted to believe.

Lottie didn’t notice what was happening until she felt it, the warmth spreading between her legs and the relief in her stomach from a tension she hadn’t even noticed she’d been holding onto. It was easier to ignore it these days, when she was small and safe and knew that no one was going to tease her or tell her off for using her diaper. She knew she was supposed to tell Nat that she needed a change, and if she didn’t feel like using her words she could just sign or point and Nat would know what to do. But Lottie knew that would mean losing the contact which felt like the only thing keeping her alive. So she tuned the feeling out and focused back on the pretty red bird on the tv and the way Nat’s hand felt heavy and stabilising on her shoulder.

After a while, Nat readjusted herself under Lottie, causing the younger girl to whine and press her shoulder into Nat to make sure she wouldn’t leave. Nat kissed the top of her head gently. “Is it time for a change?” She asked gently, picking up on how Lottie had been squirming a little more than usual. Lottie whined, shaking her head but doing little to convince Nat. She did not want a change. That would mean letting go of Nat, and even if it was just for a short time, what if Nat got distracted after and wanted to go spend time with the others? She started to cry a little just at the thought, her pacifier dropping from her mouth as she sucked in stunted breaths. Nat bounced her softly in her lap, peppering kisses to the side of her head. “I know, I know,” she murmured into Lottie’s hair. “But you’re wet, yeah? And you’ll feel better once you're cleaned up.” Lottie knew for a fact she wouldn’t feel better, because she wouldn’t be in Nat’s arms. She’d feel scared and small and floaty, and that was so much worse. She couldn’t say this though, her throat thick with tears and her lips pursed like magnets.

Nat lifted Lottie up without even asking if she’d be ok to walk. Lottie knew how hard it was for Nat to carry her, but Nat knew how hard it was for Lottie to walk.

Being carried up to her room was ok, Nat was still holding her. But the second she was laid down on the change mat everything was not ok.

She could feel the cold of the plastic change mat under her back through the thin silk of her pajama shirt. She squirmed a little at this, reaching out to Nat. “It’ll be done soon,” she promised, guiding Lottie’s pacifier back up into her mouth.

She clenched her fists tightly around her blankie to get through the change. Nat was fast and careful but it still felt wrong and like it was taking too long. She held out though, until Nat patted her stomach to tell her she was all done. It was supposed to be her sign to sit up. But she couldn’t. Everything felt so wrong. Floaty and heavy at the same time. She was too cold but her face was warm with tears. It all bubbled up inside of her until she couldn’t handle it anymore. She thrashed her feet against the side of the change table, ragged sobs pushing her paci out of her mouth. She wanted Nat to hold her, but now the contact just felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. Nat stood off a little, trying to verbally calm Lottie as she knew now wasn’t the time for touch no matter how desperate Lottie theoretically wanted it.

She wailed and squirmed and hit her hands against the pink plastic beneath her until her body was too exhausted to move. But the frustration was still there, simmering below the surface. She began picking at the skin on her forearm, nails working shakily against a little bump in her skin. Only now did Nat step in, placing a firm and steady hand over Lottie’s to remove it. But it didn’t feel right. She wailed, wincing away from the bad touch. “Baby you can’t do that, I’m sorry,” Nat explained, holding Lottie’s hand flush against the change mat. She’d almost cried herself out by now, taking to rubbing her blankie against her face in a soothing pattern. “That’s right, you’re doing so well,” Nat guided, removing her grip on Lottie’s other hand so as not to enforce any unwanted sensation. Lottie sniffled softly, pulling herself up so she was sitting. Her head felt sort of fuzzy but she definitely felt less like she was going to float away. She hunched her shoulders up to her ears in shame.

“Sometimes we just need to get it out,” Nat explained gently - no sense of anger or judgment in her voice as she helped Lottie down. “It’s ok to have big feelings.” Lottie nodded and sniffled, she knew this to be true as she had so many and the others always told her it was ok. “Do you want cuddles or your weighted blankie?” Lottie winced at the question - because earlier all she wanted was cuddles but now the thought made her skin crawl and her stomach ache. She pointed to her weighted blankie which was sitting in her bed. Nat grabbed it, and without touching Lottie she wrapped it around the taller girl's shoulders. “Now, I think there are some birds we need to get back to.”

Nat helped Lottie settle on the couch, and even brought her a bottle of warm milk to help her settle as she finished watching the documentary. She still wasn’t understanding what it was saying, but it didn’t matter because she knew Nat would tell her about it later. Because Nat had stayed, sitting far enough away that there was no risk of touching but close enough that Lottie could feel her presence. She rocked a little under her blanket as she finished the bottle and the documentary, and when that finally had her feeling a little bit regulated again, she let her head drop down onto Nat’s shoulder.