alone again.

[fcetats]

            #𝐅𝐂𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 ; introspection of addiction , loss , the ache of growing older . loved & adored by morgue ( 23 , cst , virgo , she / her , jess’ wife ) . private & selective . triggering content will be written and explored on this blog . minors DNI .  you can also find me on the following : @driedtearss , @ofchaotics , @tucuerpo

[fcetats]

here to say that dakota’s blog is on a hiatus until i stop feeling icky abt it <3 he’s discord exclusive for a few of my homies but for the meantime i will be over at @ofchaotics & @tucuerpo​

[fcetats]

𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄   /   seafcamrose​   .

His fingers push her underwear to the side and she bites her lip in anticipation, heat throbbing from how turned on she is. It’s fucked up that he’s willing to finger her in public like this, especially when they’re both known by the general populace. It’s the usual kinky shit she gets up to, but for some reason it’s more enticing because of him. He’s beautiful and her gaze drinks him in, noticing how long and dark his lashes are as he looks down at her, fingers starting to slide over her wetness.

“Maybe I’ll consider keeping you around if you’re any good at this,” she teases, but her breath hitches as he dips into her, sliding in a little. “I don’t beg, usually,” she adds, leaning close to him, gaze flicking over his lips again. “But you’re welcome to try.” Despite her words, his fingers feel good and her entire body is hot because she’s so turned on. Her hips buck into his hand a little, eyes fluttering shut as he slides further into her. “’Kota…” A little moan, her hand twining into his shirt, forgetting herself for a second. She needs him closer, touching her, so she kisses him again, mouths slotting together hastily as her tongue slips into his mouth.

                 he’s always on this type of shit . always pushing the boundaries . see how far he can take it before he’s caught , makes it even more fucking hot to him . to know that any passing glance can infer as to what exactly was going on between them . her hushed moans will only inevitably grow louder , and he’s determined on that . whether she knows it or not , her every move encourages his actions . fingers slowly thrusting into her , that slick wetness soaking his digits . how he’s dying to fucking taste her . 

her hips bucking into his touch makes him feel even weaker for her . despite the words that pool at her lips , her body tells him all he needs to know . the way his name sounds in a moan that slips from her lips has the pace of his fingers quickening , deepening . curling inside of her , so desperate to pull that pleasure from her . get her a little less mouthy and a lot more needy . willing to beg . willing to bend and break at his fucking command . “ considering that you’re soaking fucking wet when i’ve barely done a thing to you tells me enough , “ he hums before his lips are met with her own . her tongue finds solace in his mouth , just as his does . kisses her with the kind of demanding dominance that’s all too familiar for him . however fucking temporary , he belonged to her . in this moment , in this low lighting in the back of this fucking lounge while the world continued to move around them . 

[fcetats]

𝐒𝐊𝐘𝐄   /   elleohve​   .

The issue with falling in love with your best friend while simultaneously having to act like you’re not completely taken over by jealousy is that it’s nearly impossible to hide it. Skye was working hard to keep her features from betraying her, despite the fact that her insides were basically bursting with the emotion as she watched him copy her movements, wave at what could be described as a sacrificial lamb. He knew exactly what he was doing, poking at her oh-so-arrogantly. Part of her was irritated about the fact that he’d turned the tables on her, but another part of her just found it endlessly attractive. “I’m not jealous.” The way that her eyes rolled immediately after, followed by a small huff of laughter definitely didn’t help her case. A glance back at the girl; closer to a glare, a silent demand for her to stay the fuck away. The look completely faded away as she set her gaze onto Dakota again. “You’re using this as retaliation, because you’re jealous,” she started, needing to get that point across, but also fully aware that it was time to fold before he actually went ahead with his plan, “do you want to know what I was talking to my ‘new friend’ about?” A step closer to him again, providing the answer anyway. “You, Kota. Maybe the cuddling was a bit much, but you and I - and him - know that the only person to occupy my mind and anything and everything else is you.” 

                    knowing her beneath the surface prior to their romantic relationship made it all too easy to note just how the vexation all consumed her . how he knows , oh so well , all the ways to get under her skin . get that little green eyed monster to awaken within her . does it all with a smile , that fucking larger than life pride he wears like a birthright . he’s all knowing , and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t make that grossly apparent to everyone who gets caught in his webs . “ you’re jealous , “ he states , matter-of-factly . he closes the little space between them , a hand grappling at her waist to pull her in . he’ll disarm himself now , mostly because he has no genuine interest in pursuing mundane conversation with some girl . much rather ease the bitterness he elicited within skye . “ you’re funny , y’know that ? you knew i’d get jealous . doesn’t even matter the topic of discussion because you know i’d look , and then proceed with jealousy . i’m beginning to think you do this shit on purpose , “ he laughs . can’t say he blames her . the sex is always a little more heated when they’ve both got a fucking point to prove . “ and for what it’s worth , i had no intention of talking to that girl . truthfully , i’d rather saw my hand off with a dull handsaw . “

[fcetats]

𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐀   /   fatalcravings​   .

                 quiet whine leaves her lips as his own press against her throat , tilting her head enough to give him the access to her skin that he wanted . she’d give him everything he wanted from her , he didn’t even have to ask . maybe that was bad , maybe she was a little too dependent on him . she didn’t really care . teeth sink into her lower lip as he pressed her down against him , only feeling more eager for him . “ maybe i did . you can’t act like you didn’t miss fucking me , though . ”

                      she always leaves herself open for him to take her all in . she gives an inch and he’ll take a mile . pushing and pulling , how they do so well . she gives , gives , gives and all he’s ever known is to take . hungry hands , how they cling to her frame . desperation buzzing at his fingertips . that familiar carnal desire to have her whole . his lips detach from her , his hands hastily discarding the fabric of her shirt . his gaze is glued upon her , all dazed and alluring . “ i missed you . do you need me to show you how much ? “ he inquires , slender digits unclasping her bra . 

[fcetats]

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐀   /   spotlighteds​   .

                       both of her parents are really bad parents , she’s come to realize that . the difference between them is just that her father is a bad parent whereas her mother is just a bad person . it’s why valentina’s a lot more hesitant to bring her around dakota . if anyone knows how judgmental her mother is , it’s val . lips press together , unable to lift her gaze to meet his own . “ i told them that i’d think about it and i’d have to talk to you about meeting them . ” and she still wasn’t really sure if she was okay with it . she really didn’t want her parents to upset him . gaze lingers on his features at his question , heart sinking at the thought . gaze falls once again , fingers fiddling with the hem of her skirt . “ i don’t know . i don’t think so . i mean , my dad doesn’t even think i should be modeling . says that it’s not a real job and it’s sad my whole life is surrounded around my looks . ” she blames her mother for that . why wouldn’t she ? she’s the one who got her into modeling . 

                      he doesn’t even know the half of it , but he wishes he could make this all a little easier for her to digest . knows it leaves her sick , torn limb from limb . he wonders of all the specifics . knows the trauma of shitty parents like no other . can’t blame her hesitation to open up , considering he’s kept his past tucked away . only for him to know . she was worthy of the confession , but he didn’t want to make this about him . just wanted to listen . to offer his presence as some form of comfort when he knows she feels it’s all falling out of her reach . “ i mean , that’s fair . i don’t think they should expect you to drop everything and just , like , make time for them if all they’ve ever done is been callous and cruel . especially about your career , “ he offers with a shrug . he’s never been good at meeting parents . all fumbled words and trying desperately to redeem himself . one look at him and most parents are calling him off , all eyes rolling and instantly deeming him a bad seed . he’s anxious about it , but he’s more than willing to set his feelings aside to make val happy . “ whatever you wanna do , like i said , i’m here . i wanna make this as easy as it can be , y’know ? “

[fcetats]

𝐑𝐔𝐄   /   redemptioninterlude​   .

She gets it. How the world fucking stops when you spiral, the manic highs, the depressive lows. Not doubting his words in the slightest - her lips peak shyly, almost surprised that it almost felt easy to say, instead of it being an internal battle over sign offs at night. ♡ u or love you? Was she making up half of this herself? Or just getting carried away with the feeling of BEING WITH HIM, in the way that they’re hanging out all the time, that, the drugs are just kind of a plus, but stopped being the reason, and Rue couldn’t remember the last time she felt like that without a constant thrum of anxiety making her hate herself. Dakota never left her wondering what what going on between them, always spilling it out, nervous, the way she does, and it makes her want to fucking kiss him, knowing that same terror, the overwhelming everything of it, head shaking as she laughed against him.

“Nah, like… I fucking get it.” head back, she squeezed him a little closer, fanning her face for a moment as Rue worked through the jumbled thoughts in her head. “Sometimes it feels so fucking OVERWHELMING and it’s like, is it that, is it too much, like… and then it makes you feel kind of fucking crazy, and I mean it’s not that it’s crazy, it’s just how you feel, it’s just scary thinking… you’re the only one feeling it.” exhale - she’s finally able to catch her breath, settling quiet when he finally got to what had him triggered in the first place. Rue can remember what he’s told her about his mom, that she hadn’t wanted him, drawing in a sharper breath, trying to hold herself calmer. That was like… big fucking news, her head shaking for a moment, in an attempt to sort out her thoughts. “Well I mean… do you want to? I guess it’s weird to ask but it’s the most basic one, and kind of the only one that matters.”

- @fcetats​

                “ it’s all fucking overwhelming . i can usually handle shit pretty well , cause i’m disgustingly desensitized to most of the fuckshit that goes on my life , “ he begins , with a sigh . subtle roll of his shoulders , because he’s far too embarrassed to have subjected her to his weakness . all heavy breathing and tunnel vision . never intended for her to see the rawness . the fucking vulnerability , but wasn’t that was loving somebody was all about ? to be seen for it all . the pretty , the ugly , all of that weird shit in between . regardless , he still feels fucking ridiculous for it . knows that she doesn’t view him any different because of his sudden display of human fucking emotion . how it feels so criminal to him to temporarily wear his heart on his sleeve . all exposed and transparent . for her . always for her .

“ i don’t know , that’s the issue , “ he shrugs . because , like , he doesn’t even fucking know his real mother . all that’s known is that she left . without fucking any iota of explanation . just left grasping at concepts . ideas . the what if’s and the maybes . it’s all fucking jumbled . a mess he’s made no real effort in cleaning up , because he’s unsure of just how much it’ll hurt . spares himself the pain of knowing . living in that blissful ignorance . easier , easier . “ it’s like , why now ? you know ? after all this time . it’s not ‘cause i’m , like , doing anything with my life . it’s not like she fucking wants anything . i don’t have shit , and , i don’t know . it’s weird . it’s fucking with my head . “

[fcetats]

𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄   /   seafcamrose​   .

She smiles wordlessly at his admission, knowing they’re both just as fucked up, cut from the same cloth. Paparazzi would have fun with this one, but she didn’t care. If anything it made it that much more entertaining, like some sick game.

She’s barely seated when he slides in next to her, teasing. “I was directly forged in the fires of Hell, actually. It’s why I look like an angel but I’m also completely evil.” She drags a finger across his jaw teasingly, using it to turn his face closer to her. “And horny. Like, all the time.” She’s barely brushed her lips over his again when he tells her to spread her legs. The words make her soaked– almost hates how into this she is, how much he’s exactly her type.

“You’d like that, huh?” she whispers against his mouth, dragging her tongue over his lower lip teasingly. Her hand slides up his neck, pulling him closer as she licks him.

His hand feels good pressed against her inner thigh, so she parts her legs, knees falling open and allowing him access. She holds him close, like she’s using his body as a shield from any wandering eyes that might look over at them. 

                      “ damn , so i really hit the nail on the head with that one , no ? i can sense evil like you from miles away . jokes on you , i’m just as fucked up and horny . good fucking luck getting rid of me , “ he teases . truth be told , she’d probably have to fend him off with a fucking flyswatter from here on out . once he gets a taste , there’s really no telling just how fucking immersed he’ll be in her . gets like that when it’s good . like , actually really fucking good . other times it’s all fleeting . ghosting . never to be fucking heard from again . 

nimble digits are pressing her panties to the side , eager to feel just how wet she is . fingertips ghosting over her folds , tongue darting across his lesser lip . painstakingly slow with his actions , all for the sake of making her wait in anticipation . “ you act so tough , i can’t help but wonder how quick it’ll take until you’re begging for me , “ he hums . digits dip into her , slick arousal coating his fingers . breath catches in his throat , because , fuck , she feels good . 

[fcetats]

𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄   /   seafcamrose   .

Aph usually makes a habit of reigning in her reactions when it comes to this, but he’s particularly good at kissing, moaning into her mouth as their tongues lock. It feels good, and she’s hyper aware of his hand on her thigh, slipping under the hem of her dress so boldly. The way he touches her makes her even wetter, throbbing heat between her legs aching to be relieved. She smiles against his kiss, turned on by how confident he is right now. Then he asks her if they should even be doing it and her eyes flick up to meet his.

“I guess that depends on how badly you want to make headlines for fucking me in a bar.” She says it dryly but also kind of like she’s challenging him. She’s always had a spotty reputation, doing things on a whim whenever she wants, not really caring about peoples’ judgements of her. And right now she wants him, and his hand is way too close to where she needs it.

She reluctantly pulls away and slides off the stool, leaving her drink behind as she takes hold of his hand and tugs him after her. She guides him to a table near the back, not as front and center. It’s a booth, and there aren’t people close enough to see them very well if they play their cards right.

She slides onto the seat, parting her legs enough to tease Dakota, mischevious smirk on her lips.

               she’s trouble all wrapped up in the most alluring package . knows he’s fucked , and doesn’t hesitate to get entangled in the webs she’s begun to weave around him . knows she’s a nosedive spiral , how it’s probably all downhill from here .  maybe he’ll be pleasantly surprised , but to keep his hopes at an all time low spares him the unnecessary drama of that ever present disappointment that comes from girls like her . nice while it lasts , isn’t it ? how she’s all willing and balmy from desire . how she fucking pulls him in , drowns him in all those overwhelming feelings . yearning & desperate , subdued for the sake of appearing indifferent . like , these things always happen to him . 

“ i’ve made headlines for worse , “ he laughs . that’s just how it was with him . so fucking careless . acted like the world revolved around him , bended and folded to his every will and desire . it was his world , wasn’t it ? everyone else just simply living in it . she seems to challenge that , and it only makes this whole dynamic even more tantalizing . she’s got him lured in , caught in the wires . all fucked in the head as she drags him off . already missing her fucking touch . 

frozen in place for a moment , tongue darting across his lesser lip as she slides onto the seat . gaze fluttering to the way her legs part , head all fizzy from the thoughts that plague his twisted psyche . “ i’m not sure what level of hell you crawled up out of , but , fuck , am i glad you found me , “ teasing as he slides next to her . hand dipping between her thighs , hastily . “ spread your legs . i need to feel how wet you already are for me . “

[fcetats]

𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐀   /   fatalcravings​   .

                       easily makes her place on his lap , something that feels so familiar to her . almost as if it’s simply routine for her . it’s almost embarrassing just how much she’s missed this . missed him . she adjusts on his lap , feeling somewhat breathless when he only pulled back to speak . the laugh that leaves her is airy , gaze lingering on his lips . hips move against his own with a grin , lips grazing over his own . “ you know what i think , baby ? ” words are purred out , teeth grazing over his bottom lip before pulling back . “ i think you should shut up and do it . ”

                 never mattered the time spent apart , they quickly settled into the old routine of things . it’s as if the time apart never really happened with how quick they were to melt back into one another . “ yeah ? “ he hums , her taunting words fully anticipated . she would almost always take the bite , and they’d spend the next hour fully immersed in one another . repetitious cycle of chaos that he had no qualms about throwing himself back into . he presses his lips to the base of her throat , trailing up to the underside of her jaw . his hands are grappling at her waist , pressing her down so that she fully felt just how hard he was for her . already . “ so fucking needy , aren’t you ? you missed my dick that much , huh ? “

[fcetats]

𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄   /   seafcamrose​   .

Aphrodite constantly craves attention, not just wanting it but needing it. She notices when someone might give it to her, and Dakota is no exception. She has to be sure he’s committed enough– that he really wants her and knows her worth. Having him chase her like this is a game to her– a thrill.

Made even more exciting when he kisses her back, soft lips moving on hers. The hand clutching his shirt moves downward, against his waist, guiding his body closer to hers. She swivels on her bar stool, knees around him, the hand on his neck urging him on, pressing him into the kiss.

She wants a thrill and she gets it, a shiver moving up her spine because she can feel how much he wants her in the kiss alone, lips desperately moving over hers, taking her breath. His tongue brushes over her lip and she opens her mouth for him, kiss getting messier and more desperate. The taste of him is intoxicating, moisture already pooling in her panties as he licks into her mouth. She swipes her tongue against his teasingly at first, lips slick against his. Then she full on french kisses him, hand sliding up his neck into his curls as their tongues meet. It’s kind of a thrill making out with him in the open like this, where anyone could see. Like she’s staked her claim on him in some way, her knee moving to brush against the hardness in his pants as she tastes his tongue in her mouth.

                     wouldn’t even admit in his head that she’s got him just where he wants him , all willing and eager . mess of a man he usually is , and god knows his inflated ego would never allow him to submit to that . a hard pill to swallow , only made easy by the way he can taste her on his tongue . that taste that will linger even long after she leaves , and he’s left to his thoughts . how he already knows his psyche will remain consumed by her . this fleeting little moment for everyone to see . makes it even more exhilarating , the very fact that he can feel eyes on them .  

persistence pays off , apparently . preens into her touch , like he melts at the feeling of her fingertips pressing into his skin . leans into her as she pulls him closer ; the warmth of her body radiating against his own . a newfound sense of sensitivity plaguing him , how she makes him so desperate with such subtle touch . it’s all evident in the way he kisses her . bruisingly . achingly . 

her knee brushes against the blatantly obvious arousal concealed by his jeans , and he’s quick to release a hushed moan into her mouth . he brings a hand to her thigh , gripping at the flesh . dauntingly pushing his touch further up , slipping beneath the fabric of her dress . pulls from her kiss , however much he doesn’t want to . “ you think we should be doing this here ? of all fucking places ? “

[fcetats]

𝐑𝐔𝐄   /   redemptioninterlude​   .

There’s nothing slick about him. Maybe that’s part of the appeal, how he’ll strip everything raw and leave nothing but the spinning truth there at the center of him… even if he couldn’t look himself. Even if he felt something chipping away, piece by ephemeral piece, Dakota has only ever been FULLY HIMSELF around her… even now. When panting and holding her tight to him as if he were terrified that she’d fade away, she knew that this was him, him, without filters, expectation and judgement. And she could meet him at that level, couldn’t she? Because it’d been so long since she’d felt safe enough for that spark to catch, for the fire to rise, to know that warmth and glow of it, even if… even if it all bares fruit from some stranger start, from baggies and cash exchanged, from uncertain circumstance.

The pounding of his heart hasn’t slowed, not one iota, and Rue wants to ask him if he needs her to grab something, she’s had, too many panic attacks not to know the signs, but he pulls back, not gasping, as she expects, but with trembling hands that cradle her face, on the edge of something profound. Rue knowing to KEEP STILL, but even then the words catch her off guard. Almost shaking because, she knows when it hits her, it’s like, so immediate it leaves her winded, it has her running, doesn’t it? Miles for him, breathing cutting shallow, that pulse that jumps higher within her chest, so fast she isn’t sure if she can breathe. And there’s no mistaking it, not when he catches his breath to say it again, starts and stops and he kisses her sweet and Rue’s working to unseal her mouth from what she feels is inevitable, embarrassed with how easy it comes to her. “I love you too, I-” breathe, her heart’s pounding, thundering, rattling at its bone cage. A nervous giggle bubbling up, and easing the tension in her, fingers combing back through her curls. “Fuck I… I was gonna like, wash your hair and I had this whole nice thing planned but like holy shit, like… I… yeah. I…” hands squeezing his, a little tighter, they sway between the two of them now. “I love you too.”

- @fcetats

                 in quiet moments , left to his own company , he thinks of rue and wonders . . . wonders just how someone of her caliber could find a space in his life . she’s a little too welcoming of his chaos . the way he carries that heavy storm cloud over his head , and how she’s just so okay with it . so understanding of his every twist and turn in emotion . she’s , like , complacent when it comes to him , in a sense that she’s just fine whenever he comes apart . they leave it alone when he comes back to earth . finds his fucking senses . and there he goes , letting that heavy confession leave his fucking lips . this wouldn’t be a moment they’d sweep under the rug . it would forever be embedded in their brains . the first time those three words slipped from both of their lips . that feeling of fucking relief when she says it back . like he hasn’t completely destroyed their dynamic by the complications of human emotion . he loves her . god , does he love her . the way she holds him close in the midst of a come apart only further solidifies the love he harbors for her . 

“ sorry , i , like , don’t wanna fuckin’ overwhelm you but i had to say it . it was eating me up , “ he says with a heavy breath . an understatement . it’s been stuck in his head , replaying on a constant loop . you love her , you love her , you fucking hopeless fool , you fucking adore her . felt like it would never leave his fucking head . like if he didn’t just speak up , he’d sit with these feelings as they tore him limb from limb . can feel his heart settling in his chest , his breathing regulating once again . feeling his feet back on the ground , his head not so clouded by the overbearing thoughts . “ sorry to derail your plans . i know , i’m the worst , “ he chuckles . “ i love you , and i’m sorry if i freaked you out . my , like , birth mom called me . wanted to make amends and it just , like , freaked me the fuck out . i didn’t know who else to call , cause , like , nobody else really knows about all that shit . “

[fcetats]

𝐒𝐊𝐘𝐄   /   elleohve​   .

“You’re welcome,” as if she couldn’t detect the sarcasm. She just found it endlessly entertaining that he had no idea what she’d been talking about earlier to bring on all the giggles. That a good majority of the conversation had been about him, because Skye wasn’t the least bit curious about anyone else now that she finally had him. She just couldn’t help teasing him, until he continued to turn it around on her. Eyebrows furrowed when he continued to talk about his new plan, all that fun that she was poking at him about being jealous suddenly bubbling up within her instead. Even if it was just in retaliation, she didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of him entertaining anyone else. Whether or not she was ready to freely admit that, and subsequently admit defeat so quickly was another thing entirely though. Her fingers finally loosened their grip on his shirt, dropping her hands to her sides instead. “You’re right,” she settled, “It’s not a bad thing at all. I still stand by it being boring, but - - if you think otherwise, then I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun either, baby.” She flashed him a charmed smile, taking a step back as she looked him over, “like I said, whatever you want. If you want to have a conversation with whoever then you know where to find me after.” 

                              easier to get even than to get mad , he thinks . has always stood by that belief , however many times it got him into trouble . but , he was who he was , and welcomed trouble with open arms . fucking basked in it . can tell that the seething jealous has made home in her very being . having her endeavors folded over onto her . cannot stifle the smirk that now lingers at the edges of his lips . easy , easy . how he feels right at home beneath her skin , poking and prodding at her every last nerve . to elicit that troublesome green emotion . how it grows to be all consuming , rids the psyche of any trail of sensibility . “ boring ? “ he hums , the arrogance seeping from his demeanor . the way the words roll past his lips with that booming confidence . knows it does nothing but frustrate her even further . “ you didn’t seem too bored with your new friend , though . so , how is my decision to make a new friend boring ? “ he prods , a brow quirked . he peers behind skye , eyes meeting with the collateral damage . gives the femme a small wave , shooting a playful wink before his eyes fall back to skye . hard to keep his composure , because all he wants to do is fucking laugh . he’s got a one track mind , fixated on skye and skye only . would prefer to do anything but make pointless conversation with some girl who couldn’t compare to skye in the slightest , but he’s got to get his point across . let her know she doesn’t have the upper hand , however much she thinks she does . “ i don’t know , doll . sounds like you’re a little jealous yourself . “

[fcetats]

𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐄   /   loveisliquor​   .

“when have you ever been on the side lines?” soft laughter leaves her lips, her eyes crinkle with easy affection until the truth of his statement sinks in. she sits up, the relaxed sprawl she’d been in, felt too casual for serious revelation. “i see you.” she says softly– this time, devoid of all playfulness. she’s not good at hints, has never been great with subtext when it isn’t in a script, in black and white. “if you’re trying to say something– you should say it. i’ve never been any good with hints, cher.”

                      “ i can’t give a precise timeline , just because i don’t ever think that hard into things , “ spoken with a nonchalant shrug . a lot easier to swallow his feelings when he feigns indifferent . has always kind of spoken between the lines when it came to anything remotely serious in terms of relationships . that blunt demeanor stripped away by the rawness of delicate honest . feelings were too fucking intricate , all crossed wires and raw nerves . was never really his forte , and it’s blissfully apparent when it comes to her . “ i don’t know what i’m trying to say . i mean , i do and i don’t . it makes no sense , and a big part of me never wanted to say anything and get you caught in the crosshairs of my inability to process basic human emotions . “

[fcetats]

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐀   .

            she doesn’t want to let him dismiss the conversation so easily but , valentina’s well aware that pushing won’t do anything to help the situation . lips press together at his question , pulling her hands from his to fiddle with the end of her skirt in nervousness . she doesn’t talk about her parents often , mostly because she’s gone to extreme lengths to keep them from her life . it’s better for her . val doesn’t remember much from her childhood , almost as if her memory had been wiped . a trauma response , according to her therapist . but , the more she talks to them , the more she remembers and none of it is good . “ uh , well , my parents reached out to me this week . i dunno , maybe they saw me on tv or something . but , like , they said they want to talk to me and be apart of my life . ” a dry laugh leaves , gaze falling . “ they even want to meet you . ” things she should be happy about . but , it’s not that simple .

                       treads this conversation carefully , because he knows that her parents aren’t a topic generally discussed . she’s kept that part of her life guarded within good reason . he’s never prodded , mainly because he knows it’s her story to tell on her time . wouldn’t force it , he knows she’d tell him when she felt it was best for her . “ shit , that’s rough . what did you tell them ? “ he inquires softly . eyes widen a little at the mention of her parents wanting to meet him . he’s never fucking been good at those things , mostly because one glance at him and he’s already hated . deemed a fucking menace without any context . knows her parents wouldn’t be easy on him , but also knows he’s strong enough to not give a shit and just be there for val . “ you don’t think they just reached out ‘cause you’re doing so well for yourself ? that’d be my first thought , honestly , “ he shrugs . went through it with his birth mother and learned it the fucking hard way . they only ever want to love you when you have something to offer , not because you’re their fucking kid . “ it’s up to you val . i can only offer the advice i’ve lived through . whatever you wanna do , i’m there . “

[fcetats]

𝐑𝐔𝐄   .

Rue knows what it feels like, when your throat closes and you can’t remember how to breathe. When that roar in your ears is like the ocean, howling, screaming, through some lonely night, and it’s all you hear, all you know. Until the room’s spinning and there’s a RUSH TO THE HEAD, until it all just fades to black and you’re left staring at the ceiling, teary, exhausted, with a pain prickling within your god damned chest. Lexi used to walk her through panic attacks and keep her calm. And maybe now she can return that favour, for someone like him ( someone she fucking cares about ), her touch made tender, careful, with grace. Fingers fisting there at the back of his shirt, letting warmth bleed through. “You don’t gotta if you don’t want to. Or can’t. Sometimes…”

                       Sometimes it’s a feeling, without a logical place to PIN IT.

“Sometimes emotions are like, fucking terrorists. They blow up your day and maybe you never get the message or the manifesto, but you still gotta live with the fallout and the damage.” for her, she’s all, words and explanations and jumbled thoughts that crash at her consciousness, a steady stream when she’s high, and sudden bursts when she’s not. This one, cut off with a chaste kiss that silences that NERVOUS CURVE of her lips, has her coming away from him with a gentler grin, and it’s funny that, even like this, he knows how to keep her calm, settle her uneasy heart. “I… I kinda do. I fucking… sometimes you just need someone there.” who understands. Who sees you. Good, or bad, and accepts it all, she never felt like she could be anything but 100% most of the time with others, but with Dakota… it all gets stripped bare, down to the wood fucking grain. “How about we like, just chill the fuck out first. Is your bath big enough for two?” her mom washes her hair when she’s losing her mind, the feeling of water, that soothing touch, it melts through her anxiety, her tightly-knotted worry. “Nothing weird, I promise! I just figured… maybe it’d help you relax.”

- @fcetats

                     it’s , like , kind of a fucking oddity . because he knows how he harbors so much love for rue , and how suddenly he has this bubbling fucking urge to let those words slip from his lips . maybe it’s this sudden moment of weakness that washes over him . three little words stuck on the tip of his fucking tongue , every fiber of his existence begging for him to just fucking say it . because , honestly ? he’s never had anything like this before . selfless girl so willing to drop everything and tend to him , and god , does it make him fucking weak . these conflicting emotions crashed roughly over one another , tidal waves pulling him in . caught in the fucking rip tide , struggling to keep his head above the water . there she was , putting it all at ease . a reminder to fucking breathe .

he just takes a second , taking her face into his hands . looking to her with that fucking desperation in his eyes . say it , say it . how it burns just at the base of his throat . he loves her , with the heat of a thousand fucking suns . “ rue , i fucking love you . i do , and maybe it’s this little moment of weakness that’s making me say it but i fucking mean it . i’m not the same person i was before i met you , and , like , fuck . i don’t know . you being here , it means a lot , and i love you , “ words are spoken with a bit more clarity , the way she brings him back down to earth . words come easier , despite being slightly sporadic . always struggled with phrasing things . thoughts seemingly coming and going as they please , all the wires so messily crossed . presses a chaste kiss to her forehead , allowing his lips to linger for a moment before pulling from her . “ i , uh , think it’s big enough . should be , ‘cause you’re small . i , uh , think that’s a good idea , actually . “ 

[fcetats]

𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐀   .

                  they’re the same in some ways . maybe in too many ways . the spiraling is the first thing that comes to her mind . how , most times , they end up spiraling around the same time . it never ends well . ends up with loud , heated arguments . saying things that they will later beg the other to forgive . his words earn a faint smirk , staring at the ceiling for a short moment more . then , without much thought , she leans over . one hand rests next to his head as her lips catch his in a heated kiss , lashes fluttering close . 

                       all those harsh words spoken out of misguided anger seem to fade to nothing whenever they get caught in moments like this . his lips meet with her own , a heated kiss pressed against her skin . how she makes him feel every little cell in his body work at such a rapid pace . the way he feels his blood rushing through his veins when she kisses him just like this . hasty hands reach out , grappling at her waist to gently pull her onto his lap . always so greedy . so desperate for more . can’t recall the last time they did this , and oh how his body reminded him of how much he missed it . “ tell me to stop before i fuck you right here on this couch, “ muttered through airy laughter against her lips . right back into things , like not a second had passed where they were apart .