i want it that way

Beth Castillo || 24 || Southport resident and daycare owner || Twin || Recently divorced

[noahchristensen]

“There’s a lot of what we should have back then; we should have had parents who actually gave a damn, ones who didn’t take the easy way out or left us. All I ever needed was my family and I have you and Griffin. But it’s not easy.. I’m not– I wish we were all the way we were back then. It was easier and we weren’t all lying to each other. I never said I knew what was best for you. I never said for you not to do this, I just don’t understand it. I went to get help, find help or whatever.. But they didn’t help, they judged and made me feel like shit before turning me away so I had to learn to deal with it myself, be what I needed.”

[fckbeth-blog]

“Of course we should have done, all kids deserve that. I wish you could’ve had that, Grace. We’re back together again now and we can work at becoming better again – one of these days, we’ll all sit down and talk and help one another but it needs to be when we’re all ready. Hey, hey, they shouldn’t have ever done that to you and I get why you don’t understand me being with them now – I’m so sorry they did that to you. I hate whoever hurt you like that when they should’ve helped. You deserve support not more pain. Are things better now? You can’t fight everything on your own.”

[noahchristensen]

“Supported you? Having us wasn’t enough? It’s always been weird to consider you being married you know. Is that going to happen often? Being compared or whatever to him? Yeah and that’s well and good and all, like really I have no issues with that but supporting things like hat and turning away people who may or may not need or want their help isn’t really what I’d consider good.”

[fckbeth-blog]

“Grace, we were kids, you weren’t ever supposed to be enough, we should have just been children. It’s going to happen when you both sit there acting like you know what’s best for me, even better than I do. Great, so if you have no issue with it, you’ll buy some cake. You don’t even have to be connected to the church here, just buy it off me. Did someone turn you away? Because you know I’d never do that to you, Gracie, I love you.”

[noahchristensen]

“So basically you started going after you left because I really don’t remember you going here? I don’t want to help a church, what good do they do?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“I went sometimes. When things were tough, I went and spoke to a group from the church and they supported me. I got married in the church though- Uh, that was the one I went to. Oh great, here comes another Griffin. Whatever, Grace, do what you want. Considering they were helping children in developing nations and children with cancer today, I’d think it’s pretty obvious what good we’re doing.”

[lesliemartinez-deactivated20210]

“Thats cool. I hope this bake sale works out and you guys make lots of money. if you set me loose I’ll probably by one of everything and gain a million pounds. I’ll just stick with a chocolate cake and some of the vanilla cup cakes over there.”

[fckbeth-blog]

“I hope so too. Good choices, let me just wrap them up for you. Would you like a small container to put them in? If you promise to bring it back, I can even lend one of the tins so they’re easier to carry.”

[delaneyomg]

“Hm, well I think my dad would like a few slices of cake to have at home. I’m not that much of a cake eater, but if it’s going to a children’s cancer charity, then I’m all for it. How much for five pieces?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“Two dollars fifty, thank you, I hope you and your father really like them – I know a lot of children spent a lot of their weekend in the kitchen getting the cakes ready.”

[aescn]

“That’s never a good thing is it, some people aren’t the most reliable but some of are thicker then what you see face first. Tell me about it, it always seems as if this place is one step behind. Oh so you’re married? How long have you two been together?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“I suppose that’s true. I prefer honesty anyway, even if I don’t want to hear what they have to say. I did miss Southport while I was gone, which is pretty strange now I think about it. Oh- Recently divorced, actually. We were together seven and a half years in total.”

[gdieleanor]

“Oh, yeah! Of course I’ll buy some. Um, here’s a twenty… how many cakes does that get me, exactly?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“A lot – it’s only four dollars for the whole cake. Forty cents for a cupcake, fifty cents for a slice of a cake – if you want to get a little bit of everything instead of one huge thing. I think there are people accepting donations too.”

[gracexsullivan-blog]

“That sounds really good, actually. You can drop it at the flower shop downtown. On second. It’s still fairly simple, I just have to be incredibly careful. It’s not an allergy that I can pass off and take Benadryl if I slip up.”

[fckbeth-blog]

“I’m glad you think so, I’ll make sure to package it up and get it over there. That’s good, I’d hate to think it causes you real trouble. I’ll triple check there’s no nuts in it first though, I know how bad the reactions can be.”

[gdigriffin-blog]

“I don’t care what he does, he’s still not a good person if he did that stuff.” Griffin just sighed as she recited, “If you want to believe that Beth, I can’t do anything about that… But you don’t have to follow that to have a real marriage, hell, some people can’t even have kids but that doesn’t make it any less of a marriage. So neither should following every little thing the church tells you to like you can’t think for yourself, which I know you can.” He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his sisters words, no matter how concerned he was, “And do you think women shouldn’t be able to speak in church or have any authority over men?” His question was pointed as he raised an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, and he was willing too, that’s the difference—  even then how the story wasn’t right. I’m not saying you shouldn’t look to the church for guidance, all I’m saying is that you deserve to be treated as more than just someone for your husband to use when he feels like it or as a baby being the only thing you bring to the table.” Although Griffin didn’t understand what was going on with his sister, he didn’t waste anytime to return her hug, his arms wrapping around her tightly. “Beth listen to what you just said… As long as I’m happy and it’s consensual? So what about you– neither of those boxes were ticked off and yet you still sound like your beating yourself up like it’s your fault? And Jesus’ golden rule? Your defending a man who clearly didn’t love you and follow that golden rule, or whatever it’s called.” He pointed this out, though he was happy to hear her laughing. “So I guess that means you’ve grown up to be handsome too, twins and all,” he joked lightly before his face darkened slightly at her words, firmly believing proud in a sentence referring to him didn’t fit at all. “Who would be proud?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“Of course he didn’t understand why I was saying no – he married me in a church after I had promised that I would have children and be a true wife in the eyes of God. Is it any wonder he got mad at me? Even I was mad at myself, Griffin, I was mad at myself every time I went and got myself another pack of contraception.” She was riled up and she hated feeling this way, she wanted to calm back down and stop fighting with her family. She loved them too much to allow them to be hurt by her actions but she wouldn’t stand for Griffin ripping apart her religion, not when it was the only thing that got her through the most difficult times of her life. “No, women shouldn’t speak in church or have authority in a church setting, I don’t agree with that. The priest is there to represent Jesus, the son of God, not the daughter. At work or on the streets all humans are equal and women should have as much authority as they deserve there.” She sighed but shrugged, she wasn’t going to argue with Griffin any more – not when their definitions of marriage were so different and they were looking at her husband’s behaviour from completely different perspectives. “Of course it was consensual, I married him, how the hell is that not consent?” She glared at the ground, angry at herself for blaspheming but deciding to overlook it for the moment, “And I was far happier with him than I had been at home for years so don’t go pulling that on me.” Still, the contact was nice and she breathed easier with her brother pressed up against her, “I’m really not, Griff,” she told him quietly, “You’re the attractive sibling who everyone wants and I’m the boring girl who used to be popular.” Looking at him carefully, she smiled, “Our family, our friends – everyone from our old life – they’d be proud of you.”

[lildanijacks]

I hope so too. I’m Nia, by the way. So uh, how long have you been participating in events like this?

[fckbeth-blog]

“I’m Beth, it’s lovely to meet you. Oh, well, I participated in similar events at my old church – so since I was eighteen or nineteen, I’d suppose.”

[noahchristensen]

“You go to church?” Grace asked with her brows furrowed, “I don’t– I’m uh good?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“I’ve gone every Sunday for six years. You don’t want to help charities?”

[aescn]

“I feel both ashamed and amused that you thought I was being serious. I know you didn’t poison them, you just said you never got a chance to try them so I wanted you to without having to lose any revenue. Since you returned? Why’d ya’ leave?’

[fckbeth-blog]

“Oh – Sorry, I don’t think badly of you, I swear. Honestly, I just- I got used to accepting people at face value. Thank you, I really appreciate you thinking of me like that. J-Just, um, I left to train to become a daycare assistant and to get married. I grew up too fast for this place, I guess.”

[gdigriffin-blog]

“He deserves for much fucking worse to happen to him Beth. No, that’s not what marriage is about Beth. It’s supposed to be about love, you’re supposed to have respect for your partner.” Griffin blinked as she pulled out a bible, he himself had a lot of distaste for it after going through his own stint with religion in jail. “Bethany, don’t pull that crap out on me. That comes from a different time, one that was complete shit for women. I mean, I’m not saying that religion is bad at all but the bible is clearly wrong in some of the things that it says. What about ‘She is to keep silent,’ that’s Timothy, or the one where your apparent God sent bears to maul kids in Kings. Or ‘Salves, accept the authority of your masters… For it is to your credit, if being aware of God, you endure pain while suffering unjustly.’ that’s Peter; our ancestors were enslaved at one point— you can’t agree with that? And what about ‘do not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination,’ because that’s something I’ve done before and I’d like to think you don’t have the same opinion as the bible on that one. Basically, the bible says a lot of things that are complete bullcrap, it’s views on women included. What I’m saying is, none of those things are regarded as okay anymore, even by parts of the church, so why should the fact that it say women should be there to serve be okay? You don’t have to “submit” to anyone Beth? You didn’t disrespect anything by having your own wants. Looking out for you like this comes naturally, and I’m trying to cool it a bit but after how we grew up it’s hard not to get protective. Uh, no I don’t know how awkward that is, and I don’t know how to make that not happen either?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“No he does not. He’s an honest man, who supports his community and works for charity and does a job that everyone needs in life.” Rolling her eyes, she stepped away from her brother a little, “The Catholic Church teaches that ‘The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring’,” she rattled off the extract from the Catechism that she had recited to herself over and over every time she refused to have children. It had felt like a physical trauma to her as she accepted every time that she was the one defying their vocation, not her husband. “It’s not just Timothy, it’s Paul too,” she pointed out petulantly, “He said women can’t speak in church or have authority over men.” She knew that there was lots in the Bible that was cruel and unjust and unfair, but when her husband was the one earning the money that gave her a house and a life, it really wasn’t her place to be upset when he got angry at her for not wanting something that was a key part of marriage. “Jesus Christ had to suffer, Griffin, he was willing to wash the dirt of fisherman’s feet and befriend the tax collectors and the prostitutes and then all he got from that was the most painful death one could endure. The world isn’t fair but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t look to God for guidance and the Church for guidance.” Looking at her brother cautiously, she shook her head, running to him to hug him tight, even though she tended to avoid contact with anyone else after the abuse she had suffered, “No, you know I could never hate you for that. I don’t care who you sleep with as long as you’re happy and it’s consensual and you know I would never hate you for that. Jesus’ golden rule was to love everyone and that is how I live my life. I love you because you are who you are, not in spite of that.” Pulling away, she laughed a little, “Must be because you grew into a handsome young man,” her smile dropped a little as she shrugged at him, “They’d have been proud of you, you know?”

[gdigriffin-blog]

“What? Beth, that’s what should end up happening to him, nobody gets to just treat another person like that. You weren’t a terrible wife for not wanting to do something he wanted you to, you get to chose what you do, not him, and it doesn’t make you a terrible anything or justify him being abusive. Yeah, do that, please. I make you embarrassed, what? Why?!”

[fckbeth-blog]

“No it’s not, then he’d lose his job and his house and everything he worked hard for. It wasn’t that I didn’t want something he wanted, Griffin, this was children, what marriage is for. The book of Ephesians has a clear command,” grabbing her threadbare Bible from her pocket, she flicked to the verse, one she had read over many times. “’Wives,’” she began, “’submit to your husband as the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church… Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.’ That was Ephesians 5:22-24.” Looking at her brother, she frowned, “Besides which, marriage is clearly for having children and raising the next generation. Not only did I behave in a way that disrespected my husband, I also disrespected my marriage. So no, it doesn’t justify him hurting me and that was why I left him, but I should have behaved better. You embarrass me because you’re so determined to look out for me but you’re also – well – girls love you, do you know how awkward it is being your sister when other girls come about desperate to get closer to you?”

[aescn]

“Yeah of course, as long as it’s for a good cause I’d love to help. How much per box? Actually it doesn’t matter, I’ll take two, one for myself and one for you, just in case you poisoned them, I’d like to try to them with the baker. Do you do charity events like this often, or just a seasonal thing?”

[fckbeth-blog]

“You- I didn’t poison them, but I’m happy to eat something to prove it. Oh, we do it regularly, this is just the first one I’ve taken part in since I returned to Southport.”

[nikolaikovalenko]

“Probably drinking, eating and sleeping. I play the piano sometimes but that isn’t something I do for hours.”

[fckbeth-blog]

“Well I don’t drink but I love music. It’s great that you can play something.”

[lesliemartinez-deactivated20210]

You go to church? I didn’t think Castillo’s even knew what churches were for. All jokes  a side, thats pretty rad. You’re lucky I like the cause and I’m so pregnant and just want chocolate 24/7. Is plain chocolate all you have?

[fckbeth-blog]

“Oh, yes, I go every Sunday – more often if I can. Well, that’s all I made but if you take a look around, plenty of people contributed different recipes.”