Just saw a fanfic author's bio that said they "aren't homophobic" but "they just don't agree with homosexual ways of life". While their profile was created in 2004 and last updated in 2011, I am shocked those people existed in the fanfic space, but also that they put it in their bio.
The disturbing sights I discover while looking for long Naruto fics!
i know it hasn't even ended yet but i discovered your writing through laws of attraction and i'm already ready to explore your next ideas if you are planning to continue posting fic, and especially if you decide to post drabbles for LOA!!<33
Always great to gain regular readers, and I have too many ideas to quit writing. I'm sure I'll think of LoA drabbles soon after it ends. I put my Sukuna fic under construction where I wanted to change the title, the summary and the plot (not entirely deriving but there will be major changes), so I'll maybe continue with that...or you will see me start a new fic for another character lol.
OMG… girl 😭 i was literally in the middle of dinner when i saw chapter 11 was out. i had to stop eating immediately because there was no way i could wait.
i honestly think this is the most beautiful chapter so far. seeing the reader finally stand up for herself… and finally experience the kind of love she deserved all those years ago… and THEN THE CONFESSION?!?! girl, i literally cried. i don’t even care that i’m sitting in a restaurant having dinner right now 😭
this chapter was beautifully written. i genuinely don’t know how you do it. 🥹 and the fact that this beautiful series is almost coming to an end… 😭 but seriously, thank you. thank you SO MUCH for sharing this story with us.
also!! yesterday i saw an anon ask whether you’d consider writing one-shots or drabbles about this lovely couple, and I GOT SO EXCITED because i would absolutely love to read more of them if you ever decide to write any 🥹🤍 (absolutely no pressure!)
okay love, i should probably go finish my dinner now. although… chapter 11 was the real meal because your writing fed me so well 🤤🤤
talk to you again sometime! take care, my love 🩵
Hey there, thank you for your lovely message - sorry it took me all day to respond, I was waiting for a moment where I could respond in-depth to such a kind message! The fact you read LoA in the middle of your dinner is really amazing, thank you for it haha!
I’m so happy you enjoyed and thanks for your words about the writing - I was actually so frustrated and disappointed with the descriptions of this chapter, so I’m relieved they came across okay! The reader’s happy ending was so fulfilling to write 😭
Of course, I would love to do one-shots or drabbles of LoA, especially if you guys want to read that. The epilogue also has a similar vibe to that, which I think you’ll enjoy. Once again, thank you for sending this in and please take care too!
(Higuruma Hiromi x female reader) 18+ only, no minors.
Higuruma was a man of autonomy. He couldn't be tied down by the most impossible cases, yet he was about to bind himself into a marriage with you.
❧ arranged marriage, angst, hurt/comfort, anxiety & anxiety attacks, overthinking, insecurities, hesitation, slow burn, curses, takes place before Higuruma fully awakens as a sorcerer, eventual smut, reader has a vagina. 18+ only, no minors.
previous | fic masterlist | AO3 | taglist
One more chapter next after this, which will be the epilogue to conclude the story.
"Don't fall asleep."
Your lashes fluttered open. At your return to consciousness, you were greeted by pale light and bathroom tiles, trickles of hot water leaking from the faucet and onto your feet.
"Or I'll go next," he spoke.
You yawned deeply. "Then we'll both drown."
A quiet scoff rumbled against your back.
Warm water lapped against your shoulders, sinking further into him. The bath was deep enough for the both of you and for water to reach almost to your collarbones. His legs stretched beneath yours, while yours rested atop and beneath his.
You were unsure if there was ever a time where you felt so relaxed, even after the onsen. You were spent from sex and now handled with care, skin-to-skin with the man that you'd once felt hundreds of miles apart not long ago.
"Something tells me you've fallen asleep in the bath before," you spoke.
At his lack of answer, you tipped your head back to assess his reaction.
He lightly shook his head, looking away with a half-smile.
It was your turn to lightly chuckle in the echoing room.
"I knew it," you said, before yawning again.
"Want to get out now?" he asked.
"Not yet."
He didn't object, and you fell into another silence.
Your eyes drooped at the feel of his heartbeat, but you wanted his time tonight, for as long as you possibly could. Maybe it was selfish since he'd been at work all day, went to dinner with you and exerted his body with yours, but you couldn't help it.
Once you had him, you grew addictive.
You'd showered after you were done, before following him into the bath. The wrinkle and dryness of your palm was an indicator to get out soon.
"You were," he cleared his throat, "amazing tonight. And this whole week."
You looked up, hair brushing against his chest.
You'd felt like a fool the entire week with the amount of embarrassing moments you'd been in.
"That's because you've been around," you said instead.
"Flatterer.
"Really. It's nice."
Your hand trailed over his, pausing at the ring around his finger. You turned it slowly around.
The hand used to be entirely unfamiliar not long ago.
It was surprising that he'd even kept the ring there in the first place. The band of unity once felt like Hiromi's place in your life - an unknown stranger.
Now, whenever you took it off to shower, you felt an odd ache or itch without the feeling of warm silver on your skin. You couldn't forget how panicked you'd been when you found his ring on the floor of the ryokan.
"I've never had anyone like you," he admitted.
"Relationships?"
"None that were serious," he murmured, pensively.
Only you.
"You?" he asked.
You shook your head, watching the small waves of water. "Same here."
The silence allowed space for your next question, not wanting to bombard him.
"Did you ever feel…pressured to get married?"
It felt like a waste of a question in a way, because you already knew that no one could force Hiromi to do anything.
"No. My parents just always mentioned it. I always knew it was going to happen."
Arms loosely wrapped around your bare waist, as if he knew the doubts were about to run your mind.
"They want to see you," he added, in your ear. "I forgot to say."
Your head turned again. "Your parents?"
Droplets of water clung to the edge of his hair. He nodded, a few droplets falling off of his jaw. "They called and said."
Your shoulders relaxed from tension you hadn't realized was there. The time yours and his parents came to visit was a memory you sought to bury.
"I'd love to," you mumured. "At their house?"
"Mm. My childhood home."
A small smile raised on your lips. "I want to see where you grew up."
"I'll let them know we'll come soon."
With that, you rested your head into his chest, eyes closing without realizing.
You barely registered it when he lifted you from the bath.
The ringing jolted you from the edge of sleep. For a moment, you couldn't place where you were.
Darkness clung to your vision, broken by the pale rectangle of light across the ceiling.
Cool ends of your damp hair rested against the pillow, signalling you hadn't been in bed for long. Hiromi's scent found you before memory did.
His breathing sounded even, at least underneath the ringing - he must've been asleep.
You reached blindly for the glowing phone, realizing it was yours.
Mother, the screen read.
Perhaps there wasn't such a thing as a perfect day, if she was calling.
You slipped from the duvet, stealing a glance at Hiromi.
Easing the bedroom door behind you, you stepped into the hallway. "Hello?"
Your voice was hushed and hoarse.
"There you are," you mother said.
You leaned against the wall, body tense. "Things have been busy."
There was a brief silence before it all finally started.
"Well, we were wondering, since you both hadn't called."
The words took you out of tiredness.
One of these days, you wondered if your father would ever make the effort to call either.
"How is Higuruma?" she asked.
You sighed. Her favorite child was already Hiromi, after all. She reached for him more than her own daughter.
How are you or did I wake you? didn't seem to be in her vocabulary.
"He's asleep. But he's fine. Working less," you said, resisting the urge to ask her to get on with it. Hurry up with the berating so you could hang up and go back to bed with your husband.
"He must be home more often. Are you helping him enough?" she asked.
There it was.
Your gaze drifted from the silhouette of the floor, to the ajar door of his bedroom.
Weeks ago, her words like those had become something else - something you'd never known existed. They'd festered in the corner of your bedroom until the fear grew into a creature and almost killed you.
What if it had?
Would your parents miss you?
"Why do you always…ask that?" you asked quietly.
"What?"
"You always check if I'm doing enough for him."
"Marriage is different. Of course I have to check," she said.
You rolled your eyes and scoffed.
"That's funny," you muttered. "Before, you told me to study, instead of cleaning or cooking."
"Because I wanted more for you."
The words passed by your mind, or maybe you'd trailed under them like a bridge.
"Nothing I do will be enough," you stated.
The words were more for you, than for her. All you were doing was naming something that had lived between you for years.
The line went quiet. She'd hang up any moment, so you needed to get it all out.
The silence used to terrify you, make your heartbeat race as you scrambled to ask if she was okay. It was the default silence with your father.
You'd tried to master the art of reading your parents, much more than law. It was more important, after all.
Since you were a young girl, you'd been an expert of hyper-vigilance. You'd become fluent in everyone else's emotions, while your own had become a language you no longer spoke.
Her mood belonged to her and her only tonight. A realization hit you in that moment, that you'd thought of your parents' expectations less and less, the more that Hiromi took up your mind.
"I can't just be your daughter," you said.
I don't even know why you gave birth to me and raised me.
You held that back, even if you were finally coming to terms with it.
"Stop being so dramatic," she finally snapped, voice hushed.
You closed your eyes, despite the dark hallway.
"I don't even care anymore," you spoke. "I'll call another time, I'm tired. Bye."
You ended the call before she could respond, and stood in the hallway for a minute, adrenaline quickly wearing off.
You'd imagined the conversation countless of times over the years, even when you thought law was the path you wanted to walk.
In every version, you were harsher to them and you got everything off your chest. Then it would have felt like a victory. The reality was that you didn't need to win anything.
And instead, you attempted to rid of the guilt filling your heart, but it would always be there.
Maybe it was your mother's way of checking in with you. Love and hurt had grown together for far too long. She'd never been gentle with you, she'd never even laughed or joked with you before.
From what you knew, her mom didn't either.
Yet, it was your mother's fault that you'd been on the receiving end of it.
Did she ever look at you and remember you as a newborn baby in her arms?
When you quietly went back into bed beside Hiromi, you tried not to think about it. He pulled you closer to him in his sleep and you soon surrendered to the darkness.
A few days later, you'd met Hiromi at his office after work, to go to his parents for the evening. His only other colleague Shimizu wasn't here today.
It was the second time you'd ever gone to the place that used to take up ninety percent of his time.
"You look…" His head tilted slightly, eyes flickering down you.
"Too much?" you asked, searching his face.
You realized it was slightly formal for going to see his parents, but you weren't sure how to present yourself. A burgundy draped dress created a wrapped effect on one side of your body - it wasn't the type of thing you'd usually wear. It ended at the knee, of course, appropriate for your in-laws.
"No, it's…you look good," he slightly stammered, eyes travelling back to your face.
Like the last time you'd come to his office, he was wearing the dark green tie you'd gotten him - your peace offering turned secret.
His hand lifted, fingertips lightly brushing the little flower clipped beside your ear. It was your attempt to make you look more casual after you'd finished getting ready.
"This too."
However, when you stepped into their house for the first time, you realized it didn't matter how you came across.
His mother wrapped her arms around you. For a heartbeat, your body forgot how to respond, even though she'd hugged you before. Whenever you saw his mother, you were still shocked her and yours were former classmates.
You could faintly smell food cooking. In the genkan, family photos hung on the wall, that hadn't seemed to have been updated in years.
Your eyes lingered on Hiromi's graduation photos, fresh from his Bachelor's, judging from the robes.
A younger Hiromi smiled brightly. He must have been in his early 20s.
His white teeth were on show, the smile slightly scrunching his nose. You smiled fondly at how happy he looked.
His hair looked shorter in the photos, at least the few strands that now usually fell over his forehead were gelled up.
There was a radiant light in his face, in his eyes, that seemed to have faded now - even if you'd caught glimpses of it recently.
"He was adorable," his mother's voice pulled you back.
"Kaa-san," Hiromi protested with a light chuckle. You'd never seen the slight embarrassment on his face before.
Hiromi showed you around the well-loved house. It was medium-sized, with miscellanous things stored around, unlike Hiromi's that was devoid of things on the counters.
The sofa covers were slightly rumpled from where his parents had relaxed. There were a few old consoles stored below the TV, ones that must've been from when Hiromi was younger.
His father spoke to you and joked around with Hiromi at once, making your husband lightly sigh at puns that he'd probably heard for twenty years.
"I was beginning to think the courthouse had legally adopted you," his dad said, after Hiromi told him he'd worked before coming over today.
You were guided outside, passing the calender hung near the kitchen's backdoor with birthdays circled on it.
The garden glowed, lined with fairy lights.
The patio table was set up with plates, cup glasses and dishes that Hiromi's parents kept bringing out.
"You made so much. Really, you shouldn't have," you said politely, even though your stomach was growling at the sight of everything.
The evening breeze carried scents of both hot food and damp earth, catching your attention to the grass.
You imagined a young boy with brown hair, running through the grass while he was being called for dinner.
The thought made you smile, even if you felt a dull ache.
You'd never known what it was like to grow up somewhere that wanted you to come back, but it was a relief that Hiromi had.
"How have you been setting in?" his mother asked.
You quickly swallowed your mouthful before nodding. "Great, thank you."
The answer came too quickly, and you weren't even sure if it was the correct answer.
The house? Marriage? Living with her son?
A few days had passed since you and him had slept together, figuratively and literally. That night, you'd then bathed together, and he'd carried you to his bed when you'd fallen asleep.
Since then, you hadn't shared his bed again.
"Oh, and the ryokan too?" his mother continued brightly. "How was it?"
"It was amazing," you said, lighter this time, with an honest smile. "We loved it."
Even if you had finally confronted him about his lack of presence in your life before the ryokan, you were glad it had happened. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't be here at his parents' hosue right now.
"Planning another trip already?" his father asked.
The thought hadn't even crossed your mind. You tried to remind yourself that this is what normal families spoke about.
You glanced towards Hiromi. He'd been beside you and listening more than speaking throughout dinner. One of his arms rested along the back of your chair.
His attention found you immediately, even though you'd felt him watching the side of your face previously.
"I'm not sure," you admitted, breaking away from his gaze. "I'd want to earn some money first."
You weren't planning to spend life living from his wallet. After all, that was why you'd already been job-searching.
His mother waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, don't worry. This is what men are for."
Laugher circled the table. You managed a small smile, but it didn't reach your eyes because you didn't want Hiromi to think that.
His thumb traced the condensation of his beer glass, looking to be in thought.
His father returned to you. "So then, what is it you'd like to do?"
You shook your head slowly.
"I'm not sure yet…"
For the first time, you didn't have a plan, and especially not to work until you died.
"I'll let you know if I hear about any jobs," his dad responded, instead of berating you.
You smiled gently and lightly shook your head. "Thank you, I've applied to some, so looking around and waiting for interviews."
Your eyes couldn't help but trail back to Hiromi's. The evening's breeze blew gently through his har, fairly lights glowing the edge of his profile. He leaned back in his chair, attention not drifting from you.
"Are you okay?" you asked.
Hiromi looked up from whatever distant place his thoughts had wondered to.
You draped the blanket over his broad shoulders. He looked down at it, then back at you, as you lowered yourself into the chair beside his.
His parents had long since gone inside to go to sleep after everyone cleared the table, his mother insisting she was "far too old" to keep up with the two of you. They reminded Hiromi to lock up before disappearing into the house and turning the lights off inside.
Outside, the fairy lights remained awake. His face was beautifully lit by the amber glow, as he was turned to you in his chair.
The garden was quiet, without even the chirp or crickets or no traffic humming in the spring air. You wanted to sit out here and enjoy it for longer, even if it was chilly.
"You wear it," he murmured. Before you could object, he took off the blanket and raised it over you. "You don't have a jacket."
You didn't protest to it, although his words had also warmed you.
"Fine," he answered your question, "just thinking."
Your brows rose. "What about?"
"What happened?" His voice was soft, gaze lingering on you. "With law school and your parents."
You could see why he hesitated. It seemed like an off-limits subject for you, but in reality, it took up too much of your life to explain.
You shook your head slightly, glancing to your hands in your lap. "It wasn't just one moment. My Bachelor's was fine."
His intense eyes watched you, observing any micro-expression that would flash on your face.
You exhaled. "And for law school, I guess the pressure was building too much. Anticipating it and fearing I'd disappoint them. It was more important than doing well in the exam."
"In the final exam, I couldn't breathe. But I…I answered every question." Even as you spoke, it came out breathless, as if you were relieving the moment in the exam hall.
It had been unbelievably cold in the exam hall, air conditioning turned up too high, and you'd wore a short-sleeved top too.
Your water bottle had been dripping with condensation, dampening the top of your exam papers. The desk was too small, with not enough room for your legs to stretch apart as you felt suffocated.
And of course, the clock had been ticking too loudly for your brain to think.
"I studied well before, I shut off my phone and didn't talk to anyone," you added, voice distant as you recalled it.
Your phone and friends weren't distractions to you, not with how you'd prioritized your studies and made that very clear - even to your past partners. Every hour spent with anyone other than your studies felt stolen from your future.
No wonder why you could barely connect with anyone now.
"And…" you bit your lip, throat tightening. "I tried. I really did."
It was an admission you could never even say to yourself in your head - that you'd done all you could.
"I believe you," he murmured. "I know."
You didn't care if it was easy for him to say. At least, there was one person in this world on your side.
"It's not that I won't work," you added, hurrying to explain. "But I don't think I can survive that world again. And...my mom called me a few nights ago. After we had a bath and went to sleep."
He stilled, eyes locking on you intensely.
Your cleared your throat. "She asked if I was doing enough for you. And I'm over it. I just told her I don't care, and I really don't."
Two large hands enclosed yours, sheltering them from the breezy air.
You pulled yourself away from the memory of the phone call, back to the hypnotizing pull of his eyes and touch.
"I don't expect anything from you. Work, housework. Or sex…"
His gaze faltered.
You let out an exhale, knot loosening in your chest.
His brows drew together, brown eyes golden in the dim lights. "If you want to go on a trip, we'll go."
You tensed, lips parting to object, but his thumb swept gently across your knuckles, calming the shaking he'd already noticed.
"If you want another ring, I'll find one." A faint smile touched his mouth.
"I know," he added, before you could protest, "I know you aren't that kind of person at all, you never have been. You don't want anything."
His grip tightened slightly, even if you hung onto his every word.
"But I don't expect you to give me anything either. I'll give it to you. I'll give you everything," he murmured.
You swallowed.
"Why?" you managed.
He exhaled, as though he'd held it for years instead of the mere few months he'd known you.
"Because…" he started.
Fingers threaded through yours, intertwining loosely.
"I don't know if it's too soon to tell you," he prefaced.
You shook your head, although you couldn't have ever seen his next words coming.
"I love you," he said.
Your hands went slack, a deep breath escaping you as if you were in tears - although your eyes were dry.
"You're wrong," you whispered, pulse racing under his fingers. "So wrong."
His expression fell slightly, hands traiilng lightly up your wrist. "Wrong? What-"
"Of course I want something," you cut in.
"Tell me," he begged, eyes pleading with concern. "What is it?"
Your hand lifted to his jaw in consolidation, his skin running hot. His eyes flickered up, desperate.
"i want you."
Your foreheads closed, shielding yourself from his eyes - even though you knew he'd never hold any judgement for you.
"Only you. Always you," you whispered. "Hiromi, I love you."
You felt him lean in, breath tickling against your nose.
His warmth embraced you, far more than the blanket. Arms wrapped around you, fingers lifting to your hair.
Your face disappeared into his chest, your own arms circling around him urgently and trying not to fall off the chair from leaning in. He smelled even better than the first time you caught the scent, which felt impossible with how drugged you initially were from it.
Your eyes were aching, heavy and burning. Your nose betrayed you with a sniffle.
He eased you back, reluctantly.
Wide brown eyes scanned your face. Shine gathered along your lashes; you saw it at the top of your peripheral vision.
A few droplets clung to your jaw. You turned away.
It wasn't like you were sobbing, but still, it was embarrassing to shed a couple of tears.
"What happened?" he whispered.
His fingertips pressed to your jaw, encouraging you back to him. When you still couldn't meet his eyes, his cupped your chin.
You shook your head.
"I don't know, this evening, and lately…I feel so loved," you whispered, clearing your throat. Your eyes blurred again, making you rapidly blink and laugh shakily. "It's stupid, but I've never been loved before."
His expression crumpled, before a slow, shaky breath left him.
He took your hand and settled it over the organ rapidly pulsing inside its cage.
You once thought the one behind your own chest was two sizes too big for your own, but it seemed you were wrong. His was beating even faster than yours.
"It's not stupid," he murmured. "Me too. I might die because of it."
You chuckled. "I'll go with you, then."
A fond smile grew on his lips, reaching his eyes. He shook his head gently.
Your own smile mirrored his, before your gaze dropped and your hand trailed away from his chest at the dampness on his tie.
"I'm sorry, your tie…" you mumbled, from where your face had been buried. "I'll buy you another."
He gave an amused huff. "Don't be silly, you-"
He paused, before his head slightly quirked.
"Wait."
Your brows rose, expectantly.
He glanced down at your tie, then back at you.
"Did you get me this tie?"
You slowly nodded, slightly embarrassed at the fact. You forgot you hadn't told him, but then again, you thought he'd figured it out by now.
He let out an exhale, with a laugh. "Of course. I missed another clue."
"You tried to reach out to me," he added, guiltily. "And I didn't even let you."
You shook your head. "I didn't tell you either."
"I didn't exactly give you a chance."
Your mind pulled you back to the night you'd found him in the bath, swaying you away from openly giving him the gift - where you realized you weren't the only one struggling.
"It's okay," you whispered.
You lifted your joined hands to your mouth, pressing a gentle kiss against his knuckles.
It was as though he needed the signal. Now, that your lips had touched his skin, there was nothing stopping him.
His lips reached yours, soft and silken. The familiar warmth blossomed in your chest and consumed you with promises of longevity; the promises absent in nonexistent vows had found you after all.
comments are appreciated | one more chapter to go!
(Higuruma Hiromi x female reader) 18+ only, no minors.
Higuruma was a man of autonomy. He couldn't be tied down by the most impossible cases, yet he was about to bind himself into a marriage with you.
❧ arranged marriage, angst, hurt/comfort, anxiety & anxiety attacks, overthinking, insecurities, hesitation, slow burn, curses, takes place before Higuruma fully awakens as a sorcerer, eventual smut, reader has a vagina. 18+ only, no minors.
previous | fic masterlist | AO3 | taglist
One more chapter next after this, which will be the epilogue to conclude the story.
check out my edit of the fic here
"Don't fall asleep."
Your lashes fluttered open. At your return to consciousness, you were greeted by pale light and bathroom tiles, trickles of hot water leaking from the faucet and onto your feet.
"Or I'll go next," he spoke.
You yawned deeply. "Then we'll both drown."
A quiet scoff rumbled against your back.
Warm water lapped against your shoulders, sinking further into him. The bath was deep enough for the both of you and for water to reach almost to your collarbones. His legs stretched beneath yours, while yours rested atop and beneath his.
You were unsure if there was ever a time where you felt so relaxed, even after the onsen. You were spent from sex and now handled with care, skin-to-skin with the man that you'd once felt hundreds of miles apart not long ago.
"Something tells me you've fallen asleep in the bath before," you spoke.
At his lack of answer, you tipped your head back to assess his reaction.
He lightly shook his head, looking away with a half-smile.
It was your turn to lightly chuckle in the echoing room.
"I knew it," you said, before yawning again.
"Want to get out now?" he asked.
"Not yet."
He didn't object, and you fell into another silence.
Your eyes drooped at the feel of his heartbeat, but you wanted his time tonight, for as long as you possibly could. Maybe it was selfish since he'd been at work all day, went to dinner with you and exerted his body with yours, but you couldn't help it.
Once you had him, you grew addictive.
You'd showered after you were done, before following him into the bath. The wrinkle and dryness of your palm was an indicator to get out soon.
"You were," he cleared his throat, "amazing tonight. And this whole week."
You looked up, hair brushing against his chest.
You'd felt like a fool the entire week with the amount of embarrassing moments you'd been in.
"That's because you've been around," you said instead.
"Flatterer.
"Really. It's nice."
Your hand trailed over his, pausing at the ring around his finger. You turned it slowly around.
The hand used to be entirely unfamiliar not long ago.
It was surprising that he'd even kept the ring there in the first place. The band of unity once felt like Hiromi's place in your life - an unknown stranger.
Now, whenever you took it off to shower, you felt an odd ache or itch without the feeling of warm silver on your skin. You couldn't forget how panicked you'd been when you found his ring on the floor of the ryokan.
"I've never had anyone like you," he admitted.
"Relationships?"
"None that were serious," he murmured, pensively.
Only you.
"You?" he asked.
You shook your head, watching the small waves of water. "Same here."
The silence allowed space for your next question, not wanting to bombard him.
"Did you ever feel…pressured to get married?"
It felt like a waste of a question in a way, because you already knew that no one could force Hiromi to do anything.
"No. My parents just always mentioned it. I always knew it was going to happen."
Arms loosely wrapped around your bare waist, as if he knew the doubts were about to run your mind.
"They want to see you," he added, in your ear. "I forgot to say."
Your head turned again. "Your parents?"
Droplets of water clung to the edge of his hair. He nodded, a few droplets falling off of his jaw. "They called and said."
Your shoulders relaxed from tension you hadn't realized was there. The time yours and his parents came to visit was a memory you sought to bury.
"I'd love to," you mumured. "At their house?"
"Mm. My childhood home."
A small smile raised on your lips. "I want to see where you grew up."
"I'll let them know we'll come soon."
With that, you rested your head into his chest, eyes closing without realizing.
You barely registered it when he lifted you from the bath.
The ringing jolted you from the edge of sleep. For a moment, you couldn't place where you were.
Darkness clung to your vision, broken by the pale rectangle of light across the ceiling.
Cool ends of your damp hair rested against the pillow, signalling you hadn't been in bed for long. Hiromi's scent found you before memory did.
His breathing sounded even, at least underneath the ringing - he must've been asleep.
You reached blindly for the glowing phone, realizing it was yours.
Mother, the screen read.
Perhaps there wasn't such a thing as a perfect day, if she was calling.
You slipped from the duvet, stealing a glance at Hiromi.
Easing the bedroom door behind you, you stepped into the hallway. "Hello?"
Your voice was hushed and hoarse.
"There you are," you mother said.
You leaned against the wall, body tense. "Things have been busy."
There was a brief silence before it all finally started.
"Well, we were wondering, since you both hadn't called."
The words took you out of tiredness.
One of these days, you wondered if your father would ever make the effort to call either.
"How is Higuruma?" she asked.
You sighed. Her favorite child was already Hiromi, after all. She reached for him more than her own daughter.
How are you or did I wake you? didn't seem to be in her vocabulary.
"He's asleep. But he's fine. Working less," you said, resisting the urge to ask her to get on with it. Hurry up with the berating so you could hang up and go back to bed with your husband.
"He must be home more often. Are you helping him enough?" she asked.
There it was.
Your gaze drifted from the silhouette of the floor, to the ajar door of his bedroom.
Weeks ago, her words like those had become something else - something you'd never known existed. They'd festered in the corner of your bedroom until the fear grew into a creature and almost killed you.
What if it had?
Would your parents miss you?
"Why do you always…ask that?" you asked quietly.
"What?"
"You always check if I'm doing enough for him."
"Marriage is different. Of course I have to check," she said.
You rolled your eyes and scoffed.
"That's funny," you muttered. "Before, you told me to study, instead of cleaning or cooking."
"Because I wanted more for you."
The words passed by your mind, or maybe you'd trailed under them like a bridge.
"Nothing I do will be enough," you stated.
The words were more for you, than for her. All you were doing was naming something that had lived between you for years.
The line went quiet. She'd hang up any moment, so you needed to get it all out.
The silence used to terrify you, make your heartbeat race as you scrambled to ask if she was okay. It was the default silence with your father.
You'd tried to master the art of reading your parents, much more than law. It was more important, after all.
Since you were a young girl, you'd been an expert of hyper-vigilance. You'd become fluent in everyone else's emotions, while your own had become a language you no longer spoke.
Her mood belonged to her and her only tonight. A realization hit you in that moment, that you'd thought of your parents' expectations less and less, the more that Hiromi took up your mind.
"I can't just be your daughter," you said.
I don't even know why you gave birth to me and raised me.
You held that back, even if you were finally coming to terms with it.
"Stop being so dramatic," she finally snapped, voice hushed.
You closed your eyes, despite the dark hallway.
"I don't even care anymore," you spoke. "I'll call another time, I'm tired. Bye."
You ended the call before she could respond, and stood in the hallway for a minute, adrenaline quickly wearing off.
You'd imagined the conversation countless of times over the years, even when you thought law was the path you wanted to walk.
In every version, you were harsher to them and you got everything off your chest. Then it would have felt like a victory. The reality was that you didn't need to win anything.
And instead, you attempted to rid of the guilt filling your heart, but it would always be there.
Maybe it was your mother's way of checking in with you. Love and hurt had grown together for far too long. She'd never been gentle with you, she'd never even laughed or joked with you before.
From what you knew, her mom didn't either.
Yet, it was your mother's fault that you'd been on the receiving end of it.
Did she ever look at you and remember you as a newborn baby in her arms?
When you quietly went back into bed beside Hiromi, you tried not to think about it. He pulled you closer to him in his sleep and you soon surrendered to the darkness.
A few days later, you'd met Hiromi at his office after work, to go to his parents for the evening. His only other colleague Shimizu wasn't here today.
It was the second time you'd ever gone to the place that used to take up ninety percent of his time.
"You look…" His head tilted slightly, eyes flickering down you.
"Too much?" you asked, searching his face.
You realized it was slightly formal for going to see his parents, but you weren't sure how to present yourself. A burgundy draped dress created a wrapped effect on one side of your body - it wasn't the type of thing you'd usually wear. It ended at the knee, of course, appropriate for your in-laws.
"No, it's…you look good," he slightly stammered, eyes travelling back to your face.
Like the last time you'd come to his office, he was wearing the dark green tie you'd gotten him - your peace offering turned secret.
His hand lifted, fingertips lightly brushing the little flower clipped beside your ear. It was your attempt to make you look more casual after you'd finished getting ready.
"This too."
However, when you stepped into their house for the first time, you realized it didn't matter how you came across.
His mother wrapped her arms around you. For a heartbeat, your body forgot how to respond, even though she'd hugged you before. Whenever you saw his mother, you were still shocked her and yours were former classmates.
You could faintly smell food cooking. In the genkan, family photos hung on the wall, that hadn't seemed to have been updated in years.
Your eyes lingered on Hiromi's graduation photos, fresh from his Bachelor's, judging from the robes.
A younger Hiromi smiled brightly. He must have been in his early 20s.
His white teeth were on show, the smile slightly scrunching his nose. You smiled fondly at how happy he looked.
His hair looked shorter in the photos, at least the few strands that now usually fell over his forehead were gelled up.
There was a radiant light in his face, in his eyes, that seemed to have faded now - even if you'd caught glimpses of it recently.
"He was adorable," his mother's voice pulled you back.
"Kaa-san," Hiromi protested with a light chuckle. You'd never seen the slight embarrassment on his face before.
Hiromi showed you around the well-loved house. It was medium-sized, with miscellanous things stored around, unlike Hiromi's that was devoid of things on the counters.
The sofa covers were slightly rumpled from where his parents had relaxed. There were a few old consoles stored below the TV, ones that must've been from when Hiromi was younger.
His father spoke to you and joked around with Hiromi at once, making your husband lightly sigh at puns that he'd probably heard for twenty years.
"I was beginning to think the courthouse had legally adopted you," his dad said, after Hiromi told him he'd worked before coming over today.
You were guided outside, passing the calender hung near the kitchen's backdoor with birthdays circled on it.
The garden glowed, lined with fairy lights.
The patio table was set up with plates, cup glasses and dishes that Hiromi's parents kept bringing out.
"You made so much. Really, you shouldn't have," you said politely, even though your stomach was growling at the sight of everything.
The evening breeze carried scents of both hot food and damp earth, catching your attention to the grass.
You imagined a young boy with brown hair, running through the grass while he was being called for dinner.
The thought made you smile, even if you felt a dull ache.
You'd never known what it was like to grow up somewhere that wanted you to come back, but it was a relief that Hiromi had.
"How have you been setting in?" his mother asked.
You quickly swallowed your mouthful before nodding. "Great, thank you."
The answer came too quickly, and you weren't even sure if it was the correct answer.
The house? Marriage? Living with her son?
A few days had passed since you and him had slept together, figuratively and literally. That night, you'd then bathed together, and he'd carried you to his bed when you'd fallen asleep.
Since then, you hadn't shared his bed again.
"Oh, and the ryokan too?" his mother continued brightly. "How was it?"
"It was amazing," you said, lighter this time, with an honest smile. "We loved it."
Even if you had finally confronted him about his lack of presence in your life before the ryokan, you were glad it had happened. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't be here at his parents' hosue right now.
"Planning another trip already?" his father asked.
The thought hadn't even crossed your mind. You tried to remind yourself that this is what normal families spoke about.
You glanced towards Hiromi. He'd been beside you and listening more than speaking throughout dinner. One of his arms rested along the back of your chair.
His attention found you immediately, even though you'd felt him watching the side of your face previously.
"I'm not sure," you admitted, breaking away from his gaze. "I'd want to earn some money first."
You weren't planning to spend life living from his wallet. After all, that was why you'd already been job-searching.
His mother waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, don't worry. This is what men are for."
Laugher circled the table. You managed a small smile, but it didn't reach your eyes because you didn't want Hiromi to think that.
His thumb traced the condensation of his beer glass, looking to be in thought.
His father returned to you. "So then, what is it you'd like to do?"
You shook your head slowly.
"I'm not sure yet…"
For the first time, you didn't have a plan, and especially not to work until you died.
"I'll let you know if I hear about any jobs," his dad responded, instead of berating you.
You smiled gently and lightly shook your head. "Thank you, I've applied to some, so looking around and waiting for interviews."
Your eyes couldn't help but trail back to Hiromi's. The evening's breeze blew gently through his har, fairly lights glowing the edge of his profile. He leaned back in his chair, attention not drifting from you.
"Are you okay?" you asked.
Hiromi looked up from whatever distant place his thoughts had wondered to.
You draped the blanket over his broad shoulders. He looked down at it, then back at you, as you lowered yourself into the chair beside his.
His parents had long since gone inside to go to sleep after everyone cleared the table, his mother insisting she was "far too old" to keep up with the two of you. They reminded Hiromi to lock up before disappearing into the house and turning the lights off inside.
Outside, the fairy lights remained awake. His face was beautifully lit by the amber glow, as he was turned to you in his chair.
The garden was quiet, without even the chirp or crickets or no traffic humming in the spring air. You wanted to sit out here and enjoy it for longer, even if it was chilly.
"You wear it," he murmured. Before you could object, he took off the blanket and raised it over you. "You don't have a jacket."
You didn't protest to it, although his words had also warmed you.
"Fine," he answered your question, "just thinking."
Your brows rose. "What about?"
"What happened?" His voice was soft, gaze lingering on you. "With law school and your parents."
You could see why he hesitated. It seemed like an off-limits subject for you, but in reality, it took up too much of your life to explain.
You shook your head slightly, glancing to your hands in your lap. "It wasn't just one moment. My Bachelor's was fine."
His intense eyes watched you, observing any micro-expression that would flash on your face.
You exhaled. "And for law school, I guess the pressure was building too much. Anticipating it and fearing I'd disappoint them. It was more important than doing well in the exam."
"In the final exam, I couldn't breathe. But I…I answered every question." Even as you spoke, it came out breathless, as if you were relieving the moment in the exam hall.
It had been unbelievably cold in the exam hall, air conditioning turned up too high, and you'd wore a short-sleeved top too.
Your water bottle had been dripping with condensation, dampening the top of your exam papers. The desk was too small, with not enough room for your legs to stretch apart as you felt suffocated.
And of course, the clock had been ticking too loudly for your brain to think.
"I studied well before, I shut off my phone and didn't talk to anyone," you added, voice distant as you recalled it.
Your phone and friends weren't distractions to you, not with how you'd prioritized your studies and made that very clear - even to your past partners. Every hour spent with anyone other than your studies felt stolen from your future.
No wonder why you could barely connect with anyone now.
"And…" you bit your lip, throat tightening. "I tried. I really did."
It was an admission you could never even say to yourself in your head - that you'd done all you could.
"I believe you," he murmured. "I know."
You didn't care if it was easy for him to say. At least, there was one person in this world on your side.
"It's not that I won't work," you added, hurrying to explain. "But I don't think I can survive that world again. And...my mom called me a few nights ago. After we had a bath and went to sleep."
He stilled, eyes locking on you intensely.
Your cleared your throat. "She asked if I was doing enough for you. And I'm over it. I just told her I don't care, and I really don't."
Two large hands enclosed yours, sheltering them from the breezy air.
You pulled yourself away from the memory of the phone call, back to the hypnotizing pull of his eyes and touch.
"I don't expect anything from you. Work, housework. Or sex…"
His gaze faltered.
You let out an exhale, knot loosening in your chest.
His brows drew together, brown eyes golden in the dim lights. "If you want to go on a trip, we'll go."
You tensed, lips parting to object, but his thumb swept gently across your knuckles, calming the shaking he'd already noticed.
"If you want another ring, I'll find one." A faint smile touched his mouth.
"I know," he added, before you could protest, "I know you aren't that kind of person at all, you never have been. You don't want anything."
His grip tightened slightly, even if you hung onto his every word.
"But I don't expect you to give me anything either. I'll give it to you. I'll give you everything," he murmured.
You swallowed.
"Why?" you managed.
He exhaled, as though he'd held it for years instead of the mere few months he'd known you.
"Because…" he started.
Fingers threaded through yours, intertwining loosely.
"I don't know if it's too soon to tell you," he prefaced.
You shook your head, although you couldn't have ever seen his next words coming.
"I love you," he said.
Your hands went slack, a deep breath escaping you as if you were in tears - although your eyes were dry.
"You're wrong," you whispered, pulse racing under his fingers. "So wrong."
His expression fell slightly, hands traiilng lightly up your wrist. "Wrong? What-"
"Of course I want something," you cut in.
"Tell me," he begged, eyes pleading with concern. "What is it?"
Your hand lifted to his jaw in consolidation, his skin running hot. His eyes flickered up, desperate.
"i want you."
Your foreheads closed, shielding yourself from his eyes - even though you knew he'd never hold any judgement for you.
"Only you. Always you," you whispered. "Hiromi, I love you."
You felt him lean in, breath tickling against your nose.
His warmth embraced you, far more than the blanket. Arms wrapped around you, fingers lifting to your hair.
Your face disappeared into his chest, your own arms circling around him urgently and trying not to fall off the chair from leaning in. He smelled even better than the first time you caught the scent, which felt impossible with how drugged you initially were from it.
Your eyes were aching, heavy and burning. Your nose betrayed you with a sniffle.
He eased you back, reluctantly.
Wide brown eyes scanned your face. Shine gathered along your lashes; you saw it at the top of your peripheral vision.
A few droplets clung to your jaw. You turned away.
It wasn't like you were sobbing, but still, it was embarrassing to shed a couple of tears.
"What happened?" he whispered.
His fingertips pressed to your jaw, encouraging you back to him. When you still couldn't meet his eyes, his cupped your chin.
You shook your head.
"I don't know, this evening, and lately…I feel so loved," you whispered, clearing your throat. Your eyes blurred again, making you rapidly blink and laugh shakily. "It's stupid, but I've never been loved before."
His expression crumpled, before a slow, shaky breath left him.
He took your hand and settled it over the organ rapidly pulsing inside its cage.
You once thought the one behind your own chest was two sizes too big for your own, but it seemed you were wrong. His was beating even faster than yours.
"It's not stupid," he murmured. "Me too. I might die because of it."
You chuckled. "I'll go with you, then."
A fond smile grew on his lips, reaching his eyes. He shook his head gently.
Your own smile mirrored his, before your gaze dropped and your hand trailed away from his chest at the dampness on his tie.
"I'm sorry, your tie…" you mumbled, from where your face had been buried. "I'll buy you another."
He gave an amused huff. "Don't be silly, you-"
He paused, before his head slightly quirked.
"Wait."
Your brows rose, expectantly.
He glanced down at your tie, then back at you.
"Did you get me this tie?"
You slowly nodded, slightly embarrassed at the fact. You forgot you hadn't told him, but then again, you thought he'd figured it out by now.
He let out an exhale, with a laugh. "Of course. I missed another clue."
"You tried to reach out to me," he added, guiltily. "And I didn't even let you."
You shook your head. "I didn't tell you either."
"I didn't exactly give you a chance."
Your mind pulled you back to the night you'd found him in the bath, swaying you away from openly giving him the gift - where you realized you weren't the only one struggling.
"It's okay," you whispered.
You lifted your joined hands to your mouth, pressing a gentle kiss against his knuckles.
It was as though he needed the signal. Now, that your lips had touched his skin, there was nothing stopping him.
His lips reached yours, soft and silken. The familiar warmth blossomed in your chest and consumed you with promises of longevity; the promises absent in nonexistent vows had found you after all.
comments are appreciated | one more chapter to go! check out my edit of this fic here
please do post canon one shots for LOA that are just pure fluff after u finish the fic 😭🙏🙏
The fact someone likes my fic enough to enjoy pure fluff, I really never thought this would happen?! But of course I can do, feel free to request any type of one shot or scenario for me to write too (you can send it in now or when the fic is over), otherwise I can think of some ideas for LoA!
loa could NEVER be boring for me omg im so sad it’s ending 😭😭
That's so sweet, I'm glad but I'm also so sad! Honestly I think the best thing to do is end the story when the plot has finished, but at the same time, this is the fastest I've ever written a chaptered fic so it all feels nostalgic to me already.
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