A R C H I V E

archive of the revamped feelthecollapse-blog (indie oc)

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

;ooc

[  super unexpected psa, bless me. As from today, this blog is put on an indefinite hiatus because of personal reasons. All replies are queued, my apologies for the wait and that you'll have to wait again, feel free to contanct me in case you wanna drop it, won't blame you bla bla bla you know what I mean. See ya!  ]

[undauntedxspirit]

          She has already opened the file when her ordered drinks are placed in front of her. More statements and the medical examiner’s report. ‘Good’ reading with a cold beer and liquor – to wash down the bitter taste all of this leaves in her mouth.

          One could think she would get used to this, has seen worse, but this is obviously betrayal and that’s something she’d never get used to. Someone has started to kill his own people and the children for what? Yeah something they have dealt with in one of their missions, but until the SECARM doesn’t give her the necessary security clearance for this information she’d continue feeling blindfolded.

          A voice beside her makes her frown. she’s only heard him once, but apparently that’s enough to recognize him the second he opens his mouth. So she turns her head and gives him a side glance, sees the documents in front of him and just watches at him for another moment. It’s probably just a matter of time until he recognizes her as well and.. Dear Lord she can at least try to be nice.

                     ❝ Of all people I could possibly meet it’s you I find myself sitting next to in a random bar I chose to visit. Life has a strange sense of humor, don’t you think?  ❞

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    His hand reaches, if not even longs for the beer before the bartender’s able to place it in front of him, already guiding it to slightly parted lips to take a sip. It’s cold, tingling, and he can feel how it makes it’s way down to his stomach. It feels good, satisfying, yet it’s nothing but a cold comfort, and the bitter taste it leaves tells as much.

    And then there’s this voice; her voice. He knew it, he just knew he would recognize this voice despite hearing it only once, no matter how much time would’ve passed since their first meeting. And out of all the people he could’ve met here in this bar, stewing over dozens reports from past missions, drinking a beer to wash away the bitter taste of an eventual failure, it’s her.

    “I guess it’s a small world we’re living in.” He doesn’t raise his gaze to look at her or the document in her hands, he’s already heard how she’s turned the pages to read through it. “But it seems like a neat coincidence, given the fact we had the same reasons to come here, don’t you think?”

[narcissisticfanger-blog]

He stood there. Listening. The pain the other felt, the desire to end one’s life, the feeling of helplessness: they were all welcomed and known to him way before Dan was ever born. He could even point the exact date when these emotions perched on his shoulders, like vultures waiting for the moment he’d let go and pass.

“The nightmare can be ended,” Radulph responded. His back was still facing Dan’s green eyes. He wasn’t going to move. He wasn’t going to turn around. “I know this. I know it can be ended if you let me do it…” The anger seeped in his body. 

“I want to help you. I want to help you because if your nightmare can be ended so mine can. And I’m thinking that only together we can make it. I do not need you to die for me, I need you to be with me, for whatever blink of time you think you’ll have in this Earth.”

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    "Why is it not enough to just know this can be ended?”

    His response follows fast; he fears it’s too fast, but it’s been the first thing to come to his mind after he’s heard the vampire’s words. The question matters, maybe more than he likes to acknowledge to himself. He’s made himself clear enough, telling the other he doesn’t want to leave this ‘nightmare’, that he’s chosen it, aware of the consequences. Yet he’s adamant about ending it, though he clearly has personal reasons to achieve this goal.

[narcissisticfanger-blog]

“Then so be it—”

Radulph simply released his hands and recoiled, like a snake about to give an attack, the vampire pushed his body back and moved away from Dan, his hands dropped to the sides. There was nothing he wanted more than to show the idiot that he could be happy, but he decided not to follow him. And Radulph was just getting tired of this non-sense. “Then so be it.” The vampire replied. There was no anger. No fury. No confusion on his words. He was out of it and there was simply nothing else to throw at Dan that he hadn’t throw before. There was simply nothing else to say. He shook his head.

And walked away.

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

     Lips part before he can do anything against it, the back turned on him leaves him speechless; shocked. It’s not like the vampire to dismiss the situation so dry of emotions, yet he can tell it’s not an act for once; that there’s no facade hiding what he truly feels in this very moment.

     “Do you wanna know the reason why I agreed to all of this in the first place?” And right there, he just stops thinking. He doesn’t give it a second thought, he doesn’t consider the consequences, he just says what comes to his mind. Because the vampire deserves to know the truth. “I wanted to die. I hoped that this job would be dangerous enough to kill me -- if not by your hands because I provoked you until you’d lose control, then by protecting you against whatever or whoever wanted to see you dead. And I still do.”

     His mouth goes dry, and he has to swallow before he can continue. Ever since his brother’s death, he has stopped caring. He has stopped caring for people’s feelings, and if his words or his actions would hurt them. The man in front of him has been no exception, but now? Things have changed.

     “Don’t take me for a fool and think I don’t know that I can be happy. Don’t think I don’t know that just a few, simple things could end this nightmare, or that whatever it is you’re feeling for me could help me enjoy my life again. I don’t long for happiness, Radulph. I chose this hell by myself, I wanted it, and I don’t plan on leaving it.”

[undauntedxspirit]

          Two days and still no notice from the SECARM. Hell, even the Navy is faster than the Army. But she has an appointment for Monday morning what means the unsub has another weekend to kill another family. She had been so fucking pissed about this that the decision to go out for drinks had sounded like a good one. The fact that she basically knows no one around here makes this even a better idea. 

          When she enters the bar she feels much better than earlier today where she had gotten really sick after a damn long day in the clothes she had to wear for work. Now in boots, jeans and her leather jacket over a simple shirt she feels much more like herself. Even after almost one year she’s still not used to the damn FBI-dress code and she doubts to ever get used to it.            Her feet carry her straight to the bar where an unoccupied stool invites her to sit next to a man with broad shoulders. There’s something familiar about him, but she doesn’t even try to think of who he’s reminding her of but instead concentrates on the barkeeper as soon as she sits on the stool.

          “A beer and one tequila,” she orders from the young man behind the bar. Yes, it’s one of that nights —because it’s one of those cases.

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

     It feels good. Just sitting here in this bar, enjoying a beer, maybe a drink, relaxing for once -- or at least trying it, since he cannot even name a single part of his body that doesn’t ache or hurt (and it’s not surprising, considering the way he goes through the day for years now). It feels good. And it’s one of those things he misses sooner or later when he’s on duty; it’s one of those things he appreciates the most when he’s surrounded by his squad, his dearest friends. It feels good.

     At least that’s what he’s telling himself. It should feel good. But it doesn’t, and no matter how good he may be at hiding his inner restlessness behind his calm and collected attitude, the dozen documents spread out in front of him tell as much. It‘s not like he hasn’t tried to calm down and rest, but given the present situation, with the lives of many people, especially his squad and his family, at stake? There’s no way he could just sit here and do nothing at all.

     “Another beer, please.”                       Because it’s one of those nights.

[secretsurvivalist]

“I’m not really sure what’s wise or not. Just trying to find a safe place for the night but it seems like you don’t think this is it.”

Erin tilted her head slightly as she looked at him, surprised at his response. Her tone was simply curious as she gave a brief smile. “Why would you bother trying to keep me safe?”

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    "Legitimate question. I could just kill you and continue whatever I was doing before this meeting, but honestly? It wouldn't pay off, and since I need to keep this place safe either way, it doesn't realy matter if I have to do it for me or for both of us." Broad shoulders raise and fall for a simple shrug to be gestured, mirrowing the apathy found in the soldier's voice as he responds. Green-colored eyes throw a glance at her, trying to show her that he is -- aside his rude attitude -- completely honest right now.

[undauntedxspirit]

          Keeping the trust that you and your family are safe in this town isn’t easy in times like these and Ella got the feeling during this conversation that Vaughan is exactly the kind of person who would take matters in his own hands if necessary.

          She looks at him for a moment and then decides to get up and be done here. Of course there’s more he can tell her, but it’s either not necessary to ask because she has the answer to her question right there in the file on the table or he’s not allowed to tell her. If she truly wants to ask him more — and most of all the really interesting questions it should be in a completely different environment.           That moment they’d had? She is damn sure it had shown her what had been the real question for his invitation to this room. He hadn’t done this. That had been her task to find out when she had entered the room and now she’s sure.

                    Before Ella made a move to actually leave the room she took a deep breath. “Thank you for your cooperation this far, if you can think of anything that might help the case any further, please let me know. Ask for Shepard, it’ll only take few days till they’re so fed up with me everyone will know who I am.” She’s almost grinning when she grabs for the file and nods at him. Before she reaches the door she turns around once more. “We’ll get him —whatever it takes.” Her eyes seek out his’ once more. She’d had difficult tasks before and has never given up before or hesitated to what’S necessary —so she won’t this time.

                    She hasn’t even completely left the room when the CID monkey storms out of the other room and approaches her with a furious expression on his face. “What the hell do you think you’re doing there, Shepard?”           Apparently it doesn’t even take her a few days to piss this one off or at least enough to yell at her, what leaves Ella completely cold. “Letting him go. I know what I needed to know and he’s free to leave.”                     “You haven’t even asked him for his alibi.”           Now sh’s raising her voice as well. “I don’t need to. If you’d done you homework, Special Agent, you’d know that it’s waterproof. Unlike you I have spent the morning checking his statements from the initial questioning what hat led to this little talk. And now stop yelling in this fucking hallway and behave for once like the professional you’re supposed to be, because he can hear you. This is not a bunker and believe me, even there the captive would have heard you.”

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    Her words are nothing but a cold comfort, though he believes they hold the truth; that the agent wants this man as much as he does, and something tells him their reasons aren't that different. What she's hinted in this short conversation seems to confirm his thoughts, at least now he's sure that she's damn familiar with the situation he finds himself in.

    His frame arises as hers does and a nod follows soon. It's as though whatever the woman has searched for, he's given her the answer without facing the question to begin with -- it just remains to be seen if that's a good or a bad thing.

    "I'm afraid my testimony is of little help, but I hope my superiors' cooperation can make up for this. Either way, it's been a pleasure to do at least something." Calmness lays within his voice, the same he has welcomed her mere minutes before, and it seems that he prefers to take his leave with it as well.     Thankfully, their ways part after passing the doorframe, though it's impossible to miss the argument between the two agents...

[undauntedxspirit]

          Their eyes linger on each other’s for longer than she has anticipated or even planned and in a more intense way than she had ever been prepared for. Yeah, sure she’s had connections with people she had interrogated before. Different situations darker, dustier rooms in places she hopes most people would never see. But this is different. It’s like he’s seeing right through her.

          And Ella can’t say she dislikes it. not only because it probably will help her with this case, but also on a personal level —what surprises her deeply. But even now her face doesn’t betray her. He might catch a small twitch of the muscles around her eyes, but that’s all that’S giving away her surprise of this strange situation that’s laid out in front of them for as long as the silence persists.

                    “I know,” she replies. she also knows that they’ll probably have his ass if he says one more word on possible missions. But Ella is damn sure he’s too smart to give any hint. But maybe that moment they had also was a moment of understanding. “I’ll just have to convince Army command to share this one secret with me.” —or find other ways to dig into this, her gaze is telling him, if he’s able to read it. What she silently hopes for.

          Us, yes she remembers that very well. It’s what she’s missing the most. There’s a slight nod. She doesn’t know if he’s getting the meaning or not and it’S not that important. that is her personal feeling, but in the end that is exactly what makes her understand the situation he’s in. 

                     ”You will understand that I will have to ask to you to stay in town for the ongoing investigation, I guess.” She raises her eyebrows for a moment. She has to tell him and she doesn’t feel bad to let him know that. “I know you deployment status can change any minute under normal situations but for the time being the FBI and CID will probably force your direct command to keep you out of active missions for the time being.” And hell, she knows how much that sucks from very personal experience.

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    Features remain cold, her attitude's changed once again but unlike a moment ago, there's nothing that gives a hint what has changed and why. That intense gaze they've shared probably has been the all-around cause, yet it's not the only reason for her to react the way she does. Whatever it might be, now isn't the time to bother my head about it.

    "It will not become a problem, Special Agent. My squad is put on standby for the time being, and of course for their own safety." Or so he hopes, still believing that everywhere is safer than staying in the city where all these incidents have occured... and his vibrant green eyes reveal that this is about to become a personal matter he will get rid off for himself soon.

[animaimperfecta]

    “I’m all for pretending that,” he waved the bartender over, “though we should first order a drink to make it believable, right?” Chuck was smiling at the other, quite amused by the way he had gone to accept his offer.

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    "That'd be a wise decision, indeed." The soldier joins in the amusement of the other man, a low chuckle leaving his throat as he orders just another bourbon. "I hope you didn't come here just to offer a stranger a drink, did you?"

[undauntedxspirit]

          While she’s waiting for his answer, she wonders if he’s surprised. But Vaughan hid his emotions far to well from her to give her any hint of what he’s thinking right now.

          but it seems that simply accepting his reaction was the right thing to do. Because he seems more relaxed and not as offensive as before, when he starts talking.

                    Ella nods. she hadn’t expected that anyone would have noticed the unsub. Otherwise soldiers like them would have taken actions. Se had met enough special forces members herself to know that for sure. 

          She takes a deep breath and places her clasped hands on the table, her weight on her elbows. “Do you think this is related to one of your missions? Because let me be honest here, I’ve seen their and your records, or the accessible parts of them. And even there I see more blacked out lines than in any other service record I’ve had in my hands ever before. And I’ve seen some in my career.” She makes a short break looking directly at him, dark hues resting on emerald ones. “I know better than you might think that you are not in the position to give me any detail or hint about a potential mission that could be related to this. A simple yes or no is enough so I can ask people who are able to take a closer look and give me lead to the bastard who did this.”           And she means what she says, she will move heaven and hell to get the information she needs.. She wants this guy. Those dead people could be as well her brothers in arms and families. and it almost sick to just think about the pictures inside the file her hands are resting on right now.

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    Silence lingers in the air and a mere moment turns into infinity; vibrant eyes meet the other's and it's as though they're exchanging stories of a lifetime in such a short time, it's almost unbelievable. He feels certain there's more to it than what his first impression has given him; that she's of a strong mind, almost stubbornly assertive, that she's been through hell and back without losing her true self, without losing strength... and that there's something greater than just ambition that guides her.

    "As obvious as it is, I'm bound to obey issued orders by my superiors." The personification of calmness, it's him indeed. Emotions are hidden behind a flawless pokerface of professionalism, just nothing gives a line on his true state of mind. "But I'm still in control of my own opinion, and as such I do believe these incidents are closely connected to our operations. It's the only thing that connects us, after all."

[narcissisticfanger-blog]

"What you just told me to do–"

Radulph is still near Dan, pressing his thumbs with tenderness over Dan’s face, feeling the warmth and the soft sensation of the soldier’s face. Yes, he is rough and yes, Dan is sometimes stupidly rude, but his face does not feel like that. It’s also in this closeness that Radulph is truly enjoying the way the other smells and the heat that seems to come off his living body. "Do you want to keep playing these idiotic high school games where we pretend nothing is happening or just allow yourself to let things happen?”  The words of the vampire are not harsh. They sound actually tender, yet the way he whispers it and that raspy low, almost throaty like, makes the word sound slightly more threatening than Rad intended to. The vampire leans forward. "If you let it happen, I’ll let it happen. No games. No lies. No more going behind your back. If you want me to jump in then, jump with me.”

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

And now it's definitely necessary.

    His grip tightens around his wrists, features turn cold as hands push the vampire's away, the space he has ceased just a moment ago is easily gained again, his tall frame is even stepping back to make sure there it's there. It's the situation he has always tried to avoid, but he's expected it to happen sooner or later; there's no way it couldn't have occured, though this only makes things even worse.

    Silence reigns for a moment, and for once in a while he wishes he'd be at a loss of words. He's angered, dissappointed, hurt; so many feelings are about to overwhelm him that it's hard to swallow them, to find the words reflecting all these feelings in only one way.

                        "Too late."

[trodairexcroga]

one has appeared

[trodairexcroga]

Kat looked over the other man before checking her computer. There was in fact a meeting scheduled with her Commanding Officer but it seemed that the Admiral had been called away. “I’m sorry, Sir” she placated, “but it looks like the Admiral’s attention was required elsewhere. Is there anything I can help you with? Or one of the officers even?” 

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    The soldier stays silent while the woman checks her computer and the Admiral's schedule, though her face's expression confirms his guesses faster than she could open her lips to tell him. 

    "I already thought so, it's always the most plausible reason for such a situation," his voice resonates calmly, green eyes are still set on the female marine in front of him, "Unfortunately, only the Admiral himself can help me, but thank you very much for your efforts."

[nonselfdestruct]

     Dan didn’t quite yell, so Ryn didn’t quite flinch. Not fully, at least, and not enough to silence his return of ” — I can do it fast, okay?!” What he’d said, exactly, taken completely out of context but not wholly outside their realm of thought, had him swallowing his tongue against further hole-digging. (Dammit. Not even safe in his own mind.)

     He would allow himself, however, the chance to flop out on the nearest couch and merely bask in the moment. The nay-saying, the bickering, all the time spent convinced that the Staff Commander didn’t actually care whether he’d lived or died (not really a step too far from previous employers), when both of them were slowly gravitating towards some sort of collision.

     Thankfully, this seems to be the fun and consensual kind of collision, rather than the ones with fists. Or bullets.

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    The elevator slowly comes to a halt as it arrives at its destination, the gaze of jade-colored eyes roams over the CIC but just like the soldier has expected it, there's not a single crew member to be seen anymore and the ship's captain probably headed for his cabin a while ago. For once he's able to enjoy the silence he's missing so much sometimes, though he cannot deny it's fun to be part of this crew, privacy has definitely turned into a desperate wish over all these months.

    Slow-paced he carries himself over to the airlock, his large frame leaning against its frame as soon as he's there, his back facing the elevator. A yellow glow lights up the nearest space as the holographic devise flickers up and fingers began to slide ever so lightly over its interface...

[undauntedxspirit]

          Her head tilts slightly. She looks at him for a moment before she nods. He doesn’t buy it or doesn’t give a shit if she’s truly sorry. And why would he? She could remember fairly well how much she cared for the so well meant sympathies she’s gotten just a few years back. 

          In an instant she decides against opening the file and showing him the pictures. He has probably already seen them, or knows just too well what it looks like. And to be honest she can decide other wise at any moment she gets the impression this is getting nowhere. But she’s also very aware the if he doesn’t wanna tell something he won’t. She has neither the time, the means not the authority to sanction the means.

                    ”When was the last time you talked to either of them? And have they mentioned anything unusual?” 

          If it had been her, she would have talked to her whole team after the second death and the realization that it probably wasn’t just a very terrible accident. How high is the probability that things like that happen to people that live in completely different cities and the only connection is their work? 

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    There's a shift; sudden and barely noticeable her body language has changed, and so has her mind. Whatever she's planned to do, it doesn't seem to be that important anymore, though it's still not irrelevant enough to completely forget about it -- a joker probably, a not-so-friendly reminder if things won't proceed as she expects.

    Her voice's tone changes as she speaks, adapting to the shift of her body language just a second ago. He can tell that she doesn't care for his answer, that she maybe even sympathizes with the way he's chosen to react instead of blaming him like others would've already done, and it seems as though she's more familiar with such situations than he's first guessed.

    "I've talked to most of them on a daily basis, though rather due our professional career as a part of the special operations forces than anything else, let alone because of personal matters. As far as I remember, neither of them addressed a worrisome problem before the incidents happened, at least nothing that was related to their work in any way."

[secretsurvivalist]

"I haven’t run into many other survivors. I’m not familiar with this area. I just got run out of my safe house and I’ve just been keeping on the move since."

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

I'm sure you'll meet them sooner than you prefer...

    He's silent for a second, her words only confirm what he's just said; the area is as dangerous as he expected, and this woman will probably learn this the hard way -- if she's all alone, that is.

    "Stay if you think it's the wisest idea, but don't tell me I didn't warn you when the worst case occurs. Either way, I cannot ensure your safety.                                            ----but I can try."

[fortisxetxinnocens-blog]

"I’m not a kid, and there’s no possible way that you’ve been here that long without my noticing. Have you?”

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    "Well, it seems there is a possible way. At least be glad you're still alive, things could've turned out very different if it wouldn't have been me who 'sneaked up on you'."

[trodairexcroga]

one has appeared

"I’m sorry Sir, can I help you?"

[feelthecollapse-archive2]

    "Probably. I'm here because of an appointment with Admiral Benett, but he's nowhere to be seen."