feerce

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gonnnna watch freaks and geeks maybe idfk. no gonna workout and then go to school. :) and eat before jesus! day 5 of the 30 day shred. gonna check my weight loss progress. :P

[feerce-blog]

okay personal trainers in the house? jk. ha ha that'd help me though, ugh my ten week plan is kind of sucking right now. nottt. lol im excited :D i read Apology today and it was good. yeah i'm fat but, it'll work and i'll slim down by june 8th. thats only... 66 days away. i am about to do my 4th day in a row of the 30 day shred. :) im super excited. then im gonna bathe and relax and watch a movie and go to bed early<3 hopefully by 10. so i should get started lolz. hm i want to go free write somewhere and i really need to like, get my stuff together so far as my to do list is concerned. hmph. i wish it were easier. lolz this sucks. im like freezing i have the hiccups i ate too much and im too tired to workout. lol

i can't  have a rest day its the 30day shred

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lol im doing well and that makes me happy. im not gonna eat anything else tonight. its already 9 and im tired anyways. also, dont worry... there is no need to ever. lol. hm, i also am trying to think of the hw i need to do. tomorrow at work ill read for english, and then no bio hw obviously. lol i need to go get the extra credit worksheet though. and all will be great. gonna go hang with mom now, later

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ugh i ate a bag of peanut butter m&ms and milk duds, but i like never eat candy like that.

so whatever. i needed it. mostly. i at least truly wanted it. uhm anyway watching dwts lol

but my stomach finally feels better from not eating so much today. lol i still feel fat, but you know what, i dont really think it matters, because i wont always be. i mean, im getting better. you know. i will work out everyday and i will try to not overeat or eat much besides vegetables and fruit. and drink lots of water everyday. it feels good. lol i can't wait to feel lighter! right now, to get rid of some of my weight that'd feel good. and i've never been skinny. so i hope i can do this: work my strong body into a powerhouse of breaking down food and anything harmful and like, a body that can blast fat and process food. lmfao ya know thats pretty miraculous. lol i think i should do dance and yoga. i really do think that'd help me get in a group, and fight to be fit. like with volleyball and stuff i had to do that. maybe ill go with bekah to dance. lol slowdancing in a burning room. i used to have that song. i always skipped it. computers gonna die. sister just walked in lattter. dwts<#

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yay my moms here. lol im gonna eat cauliflower from the garden annnd 1000 islands. never feel like youre not goood enough - louise hay. so true, thats our problem us all.

ha. ima watch nirvana on netflix probabaly i lvoe it so. bye

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my stomach still hurts 

i feel much better thought about my weight because i'm not as fat lol. i am not hungry though because i ate so much recently 

i gotta go back to the hospital tonight.

i could do yoga at 6 but i might wait til next week.

i'd also like to incorporate something else into my workout regime so i can lose more weight. something besides the 30 day shred. yayayayay damon just texted me. maybe though i definitely will add something to the REGGGGIME. lmfao. k. like yoga once a week. lol with jillian. love it. or pilates. or like, running, skating, biking, 30 day shred level 2 and one at once. but the only reason i dont wanna do that is because the shit is so hard lol and i think i want to try it out how it should be done because its a good exercise. so why not do both levels in one day because that'd be double the goodness ya know? jeesus. i mayy, but my abs hurt lmfao. all i can think about is rice right now.

which sucks. :) becauseeee im only gonna eat like, whole wheat pasta and carrots. nah ill eat rice potato salad beans and salad. or something of the mix? nah. i need to vary my foods. carrots, fruit, and yeah. today im also trying to cleanse so i think that i will not eat really much more today except fruits and vegetables. im so glad damon texted! 

okay well anyway i still need to like, organize and plan. so... i need an organizer... idk what my project is though so idk what to organize. ya know? pizza. my project is just losing weight, being happy, inspired, clean house, get a job, save money, hang out, read, do homework, garden, cook, eat well, yoga, be nice/better, change my life. lol

god sooo yeah, to get organized and started on that is kinda whack. i think thats why i am so into the schedule thing. thats what im after now. i want vertical lines/day. ima make  a calendar now. i want to be hot by april 28th. truly, but june 8th is like ultimate. rock. ima watch freaky friday. cause ive been waiting all my life for someone just like you youre it youre the ultimate you 

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it's all gonna be okay i just wish it lasted longer. that feeling did. fml. lol. today i went to look for a job and it was a total bust no one was at feast, and yeah thats all i went to because i feared the car wouldn't run properly. the tire was like shaking too. im glad im home now and no one has to know. i think it was  good i took it though, the chipotle hotsauce was still in there ew. :/ anyway, i feel extremely fat. and i still want to read the illustrated man and watch freaks and geeks and big fish. and have a beer. i am quitting cigarettes. my goal is to lose 20 lbs by june 8th. thats 10 weeks from yesterday. thats 70 days. i also hope that i can get a job by like, idk. i watered the garden today. i also read some of you can heal your life and im about to do the 30 day shred level 1 day 2. lolz. k i hope it works. hm it will but i amm just needing a place to track my progress, so here it is:

breakfast: yogurt, strawberries, grapes, half an apple

lunch: salad with italian dressing, two saltines, two forks of beans.

snack:

dinner:

hmmm, also, i've only drunk one bottle of water today i guess ill do that now and maybe eat some carrotts. time just keeps flying by. i dont even matter. like, my philosophy thing is about the truth existing out there. lol i guess theres the flaw.

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hay

"Think about what you would really love to do with the next portion of your life. Don't think of limitations or why you can't do things. Allow your mind to go in new directions. You have a lifetime ahead of you, so fill it with experiences that will fulfill you. When you are clear in your mind about what you really want and know that you deserve to have it, then the Universe will find avenues for this to come to you -- probably in ways you would not expect.

So stay healthy and enjoy your life. There is so much to see and do and experience!" - louise hay

http://www.innerself.com/content/self-help/personal-growth/behavior-modification/life-changes/5617-affirmative-aging-by-louise-l-hay.html

reading louise hay's you can heal your life. i love that, "what do you want to do with your life." i think ill try to think that way and stop limiting myself. ask yourself, what can i do to make you happy today? anyways, its really a good book with pretty pictures. what you believe about yourself is true for you. i love the universe lol. "in the infinity of life where i am, all is perfect, whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing. there is no beginning and no end, only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experience. life is never stuck or static or stale, for each moment is ever new and fresh." I hope thattt i will not limit myself anymore but see the world as open and myself too.

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well i havent done anything. ill check up the times for yoga, and then bathe and watch a film. then ill also read. maybe go see my dad. have lunch. workout. bathe. read philosophy then go to yoga? annnd, yeah. maybe i'll apply for jobs or go to the grocery store. but thats last on my list right now i have to pee, and i dont know if i can take the car out. i'll apply online where I can and do a resume i guess. :) life is easy if you wear a smile. i can't believe veronica sings all those songs on saddle club lol i wanna watch, but ill wait for my sister. yay. april firrst. lol i needa get mom a present too. and read the illustrated man. i dont feel like going out lol. damn. but i shoulddd go to grandmas and do a resume and read and maybe see dad. and bathe and eat well! and workout. and do yoga. andddd read. really those are my goals. id like to change my sheets and play the guitar tonight also. read some philosophyyy on my bed. oh yeah. thats all i think staying in is kind of a good change. i feel safer at the moment not driving and that cars not even stable. i swear im not trying to be lazy, yeah i wanna stay in, but like, alssso. why go out? what am i gonna do? truly, besides get a job thats it. i love this blog thing. i hope people follow it so i can feel there's an audience. cause right now, the points kinda being missed. i talk to myself like this already. I need someeone. lol k 

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okay well i realized 10 pounds isnt that much. and thats going to take me till may 4th.

but at least, this week has been good. my stomach doesnt hurt so bad. lol shutupnlisten.

tomorrow: ill try to do 30 day shred twice. i'll eat yogurt and a banana for breakfast. then i'll look on here for what else to eat. 9am the cleaners coming. lol. ill keep drinking water. and then, i may ride a bike to southtown. :) hopefully. and i'll eat lunch (salad) and do the shred at four. hmmm, i also need to apply for some jobs and maybe go to the store early. i need to put the sleeping bag in the shed, the boxes in the attic. shower and shred twice. then, i'll also just keep my progress going and i'll also work on trying to be happy and i want to go to yoga tomorrow too. lolz. i'd love to ride my bike to yoga and go. i shall. lol 6am early bird yoga my ass. i have to :D jk. im so not going at 6am. i think i am being more positive. ill also work on something creative tomorrow, take a nap and read philosophy. i think it'll be great. maybe also gget a playlist. lol my hair doesnt fling, it cascades. i needa smile. lol itll be okay. buttt, maybe this weekend is first friday. i need sleep. 

tuesday: bio. english. annnd, thats it<3

wed: work, art, workout.

[feerce-blog]

Thank u =) Gonna repeat yesterday’s anons answer: Breakfast - Whole wheat bread/ turkey ham/ greek yogurt. -Lunch - brown rice, beans, veggies + some protein or whole wheat past intead of them all.-Dinner - After training protein bar, a salad, an egg, a sandwich or peanut butter + banana.-Snacks - fruits or cereal bar { normally fruit tho} 

whole wheat pasta too.

i just needa eat well, not get hungry, and not over eat. :) yeah. dont eat too much or not enough.

i hope this works well. ill track my progress everyday on photobooth. :) someone follow me so i can have support. i wanna network :) <3

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k i feel a lot better. i might write on here n vent a lot. because i think it helps. i worked out and i feel a lot better too. i cant eat though which sucks. lol ill just like, idk. its your choice what you put in your body. like and you dont have to eat. :) im having fun. i am glad tomorrow i dont have school. n will look for a job. i love god. lol im watching superstar with bekah. notice how you tried to leave town and it just didnt work out. why do i make everyone so insecure? lmfao love it. the lord god... lololosls love THIS PART. k

well tomorrrow will be great. :) ill also plant and read philosophy and workout and do whatever homework and look for a job. so yeah :D love, joolie.

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free time

hiding out. 

i feel like im sick of not being good enough. and i think that comes from not being alone enough lately. i have no plans and that makes me weary. it's like constantly hopping from one thing to another, and without being good enough for any of it because idk who i am. its so lame. idk, but i wanna be me again, and get some stuff straight. i need to do the

Garden

Job

Lose weight

Volunteer

Clean my room

Save money

Grades

Hobby like guitar

Health

 for now those are my priorities.

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ugh i also really need to clean my room.

and read a few books in april. 

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I needa do the garden tomorrow or next weekend.

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I'll also read and finish my shows n movie

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Ima go home eat carrots drink water and workout. I remember the calm I had last summer and I miss it a lot.