R E C O V E R Y @felldownstoodup - Tumblr Blog

I miss

Never having to wonder or doubt you. Feeling like the only person that mattered. Thinking that I hit the jackpot with you.

Feeling secure. Not having random outburst of tears. Being genuinely happy.

I don’t even have anyone to talk to about how sad or hurt I feel. I think I’ll never be able to share what goes through my mind with anyone.

I hope our daughter never has to hurt the way that I do.

timbllr

via weheartit

emotionalwords

6 years later

It’s been a while since I read the messages between the both of you.

But then tonight, as I was cleaning my files, I saw the messages again. We’re 37 weeks pregnant and it’s been 6 years. I thought I’ve fully forgiven you but how come it feels like I haven’t?

I still feel the hurt. It was so easy to feel again. It scares me so much. I just took 100 steps back at the worst time possible.

9/29, 2:48 am

FUCK YOU, MAI.

poemswords

Thought 01

If I could go back to the day we met, I’m sorry but, I’d turn around and walk away.

#sarawrites

Resentment

I think it’s a good time to write that I’m slowly standing up again. However, there are times like these where I feel like rocks are being thrown my way and, I end up in a hole with no will to climb out again.

The thing with holes are, they’re comforting. I know that nothing can come at me if I’m in there. Secure. Ah, security isn’t really a luxury I have – nor does it exist in my dictionary anymore.

I resent you for taking that away from our relationship. I used to find security in it and now, it feels like I’m completely and utterly exposed.

I don’t know how to overcome this resentment. Everytime a scene plays in my head, it comes back. A shooting pain, so sharp - it almost feels like someone’s stabbing me. From the back.

I may never have been stabbed but now, I think I know how it feels. That’s what resentment and betrayal is and remember, it was you - the person I loved more than life itself, that chose to stab me.

#sarawrites