Can a Woman be a Feminist and Still Enjoy Traditional “Girl” Things?
Growing up, people always assumed I was a straight girl who would marry a man and give up my education. I never understood why until I turned 12 and asked one of my friends who said something I’ll never forget:
“Well, you just kind of… look like you could be a trophy wife”
I was 12 years old and didn’t really know what that meant. So I went home and asked my mom. She asked why I cared what a trophy wife and I told my mom what my friend said. I didn’t really understand why mom appeared appalled. She told me what my friend said was untrue but not to worry about it. I still had no idea what she said meant.
So, being a young child, I googled it. Then I was personally offended. I couldn’t figure out how someone could assume I was just going to give up all my ambitions because I fell in love.
Then, when I thought about it, I realized that my room is pink. I had long hair, I enjoyed looking at makeup, I enjoyed traditional “girly” things. So, I guess I could see how people would think that.
But yet again, I couldn’t. I was an honor roll student (I was still 12, so I still wasn't in advanced classes), I had goals and dreams. None of them were solely about getting married. Now, I still think getting married one day would be nice, but my goals are much more career oriented.
So while I do enjoy doing makeup and my favorite colors are “girly”, I still love flowers, and my favorite genre of movies in rom-coms, I love science. I am extremely passionate about science. In fact, it’s what I would like to do with my life. I want to be an optometrist. I want to have a career.
I fully support women who choose to become housewives, but that is not for me. I don’t hold my tongue very well, I have a very big personality, and I just don’t want to be a housewife. I don’t particularly want children (another crime against that fact that I can have children apparently).
However, these feelings tied into my coming out as bisexual. I felt as though people wouldn’t believe me because I didn’t “look” gay. In fact, the absolutely first person I told about my sexuality told me I just wanted attention.
So, I spent three years in the closet, not because I was afraid of being kicked out, but out of fear of no one believing me. I guess I still blame that friend a little bit for giving me that idea.
So sure, people call me a lipstick lesbian, but honestly I’m ok with that. For a while, I was in a relationship with a boy who was ok with my ambition. He was ambitious too, and didn’t try to contain my dreams. I really appreciate him.
The other issue with this is the women who shame women like me. Women who like both traditional things that are meant for girls, but also who enjoy science. Women who scold me for not caring about if I can attract a husband, and the women who tell me that by wearing makeup, I am putting the feminist movement back. Both women are in the wrong.
It is, in my opinion, wrong to tell someone that because they enjoy x, they can not enjoy a, b, or c. They can only enjoy y and z.
It’s all about pursuing what you want. Don’t let someone tell you that what you like to do is wrong (unless you’re into murdering people or stuff up that alley). I’m still so glad that I grew up with great examples of what I could be when I grew up. My mom has more education than my father and that’s ok. My father is in my corner and wants me to become educated. Both of my parents support my goals.
If you don’t have anyone, I can be your person. I will support your goals and dreams. Because as women, and as people, that should be what we are striving for.
theartofmadeline
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
yousharknotpass