𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵-𝚂𝙻𝙰𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁 ,

woman 𝘰𝘳 ᴎoqɒɘw ; ʷʰᵒ ʷⁱᵉˡᵈˢ ʸᵒᵘ

[feneireth2]

the moon is my sun, the night is my day . . . read carrd before interacting ➶ blogroll

the white wolf , ᶠᵉⁿ'ᵉⁱʳᵉᵗʰ ﴿ the inquisitor from dragon age: inquisition. she is a dalish hunter, not a herald nor hero, in the right place at the wrong time. into the darkness : al'anna lavellan. inspired by prey turned predator, devouring the self to nourish enmity and pride, flight vs fight, a love that must bleed to satiate, living folklore, and becoming the monster in order to kill it.

#𝙵𝙴𝙽'𝙴𝙸𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙷. highly selective & private rp account by sam (she/her, 21+). slow activity + queued posts; i write plotted dynamics only. canon divergent, especially post-trespasser with fairytale / high fantasy influences. minors dni.

. . . blood is my life, and you are my prey. ᵃᶜᵗⁱᵛᵉ ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗˢ : and i darken & bloodlust & language of thorns

[twise]

TAEYEON Opening 'LOL' @ The Unseen (200119)

[ohisms]

↪       𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑮𝑼𝑬 𝑨𝑻 𝟑 𝑨.𝑴   .    (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  sylvia  plath’s  “ the collected poems ” .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .)

my mendings itch .  there’s nothing to do .

what ceremony of words can patch the havoc ?

stop crying .  open your hand .

it is a terrible thing ,  to be so open .

i am too pure for you or anyone .

it’s easy to blame the dark .

how free it is ,  you have no idea how free .

it must be one or the other of us .

it was a kind of marriage ,  being so close .

nobody sees us .

i couldn’t sleep for a week .

it is comfortable ,  for a change ,  to mean so little.

tell me i’m here .

your room is lousy with flowers .

now i resemble a sort of god .

nobody can tell what i lack .

i suppose it’s pointless to think of you at all .

i can stay awake all night ,  if need be .

this is not what i meant .

i can’t get it out of my mind .

when you kick me out ,  that’s what i’ll remember .

i wasn’t fooled .  i knew you at once .

if the moon smiled ,  she would resemble you .

your clear eye is the one absolutely beautiful thing .

perfection is terrible .

i do not trust the spirit .

one day ,  it won’t come back .

they will wonder if i was important .

oh god ,  i am not like you .

there is no stopping it .

we have come so far ,  it’s over .

tonight will be ,  in every respect ,  like every other night .

that’s how you always talk before we start .

if i didn’t trust you at this ,  i wouldn’t trust myself .

at least i feel less dread of the world beyond ours .

i admit it :  i’m afraid .

don’t be so smart .

i dreamed of doing it ,  and now it’s done .

earth is my haunt .

what manner of business are you on ?

perhaps you’ve late quitted heaven ?

i shall never grow old .

sugar can cure everything .

is there no way out of the mind ?

there are no trees or birds in this world .

this is what i am made of ,  this and terror .

why is it so quiet ,  what are they hiding ?

this is what it is to be complete .

is he wearing pajamas or an evening suit ?

the police love you ,  you confess everything .

is my life so intriguing ?

where are you going that you suck breath like mileage ?

you flicker .  i cannot touch you .

if i could bleed ,  or sleep !  if my mouth could marry a hurt like that !

what did they know that i didn’t ?

you say you can’t stand her .

i’m doped and thick from my last sleeping pill .

you are ill .

you are so exhausted .

i can’t communicate .

we’re here on a visit .

where do you stash your knife ?

what sort of scenery is it ?

you know who you hate .

pure ?  what does it mean ?

i am not subtle .

right now you are dumb ,  and i love your stupidity .

i know why you won’t give it to me .  you’re terrified .

is it impossible for you to let something go and have it whole ?

must you kill what you can ?

there is one thing i want today ,  and only you can give it to me .

it won’t hurt .

do away with it altogether .

are you our sort of person ?

i have always been scared of you .

i didn’t call you .  i didn’t call you at all .

there is nothing between us .

seven hours knocked out of my right mind .

i am myself .  that is not enough .

i dream of someone else entirely .

we should meet in another life .

it was an accident .

you know what lies are for .

dying is an art ,  like everything else .

how far is it now ?

do not accept it .  it’s not genuine .

i am so stupidly happy .

eternity bores me ,  i never wanted it .

[garnet-xx-rose]

Yes, I’ve done the work analyzing this relationship’s problematic traits and I’ve come to the educated conclusion that I still want them to fuck

[feneireth2]

what a character wants vs what they need is always interesting to think about, and i'm always of the mind that they should be opposing/incompatible or can only be achieved in tandem. and i think what al'anna wants is permanence. she feels unwanted and apart, never certain of herself in the eyes of others, never sure that she can take a breath and relax, and that draws her to stability. marriage vows... the walls of a home... rather than learn to accept herself, which is what al'anna needs if she ever wants to actually be happy, she externalizes the solution and relies on acceptance that comes with a kind of permanence, legally, physically, etc. something that binds and engenders trust even when she's not sure what to trust herself... hm hm hm. to be honest, i don't think she achieves this in any of her verses atm ://////////////////////////// eta: i'm also realizing that both examples i mentioned ( marriage + house ) are things she thinks are unrealistic / incompatible with her lifestyle and so lmao further extends her sense of self-sorrow without having to actually do any internal work

[fenahrel]

the keepers of the silent planes have a warning to hunters,     and it speaks like this : do not walk in the shadow of a wolf’s gait.       wolves leave tracks,     intended in the soil where the earth shields itself from them,     and if you match their steps,     perfect paw by perfect foot,     you will become one yourself.       that is to say,     you become the thing you love and fear ( which are,     by themselves,     inseparable ) .       he had laughed at the fable before,     that nothing could turn into a monster that same way,     until he married an elf of it.

the dread wolf leaves no tracks but instead a trail of red,     bits of hare and deer - skull crushed under the weight of his jaws.       they could swallow the moon but not her throat,     the sun but not her hands.       she is larger than the sky,     where her hair shadows light,     like a curtain over his face,     and blankets the world in the dark,     darker with only stray streaks of silver as a guiding thread.       ❛❛ there is nothing i must prove to you,     i’saota.       have i not done enough,     plucked you from your obscure village and wreathed you in the finery of court ? given you power that your people would only hope to dream of ? ❜❜ yet it is not enough, thin voices cry ! it is not enough !

❛❛ banal na esaya. ❜❜ her hands are arrow - seeking,     in the dark where they ply his vulnerability open like embrium unfurling in the way flowers do,     full of pain,     slow and lumbering.       her thumb catches on the sharp edge of his teeth and he feels a thin drop of it bleed in his mouth,     iron and honey in a cascade.       ❛❛ mm … you revel in that,     in disobedience.       you will skin me and wear my pelt if i forbid the act.       you would kill one of them if i told you that you could not. ❜❜ a mirror for a mirror : where the sharpness of his hands finds the crook of her knees,     the line of where her thighs meet her chemise.       the wolves howl in their chorus of woes,     bacchic and frenzied,     across the gloom of slumbering arlathan,     where dark things do not sleep.       ❛❛ your blood curls with envy.       i can taste it. ❜❜

[feneireth2]

his are tiresome retorts. ❛❛ all that and more which i did not ask for, ❜❜ she sullenly sighs, now sinking her weight down onto his, relaxing into his flesh, his heart's beat in her chest, only pale linen between them. villages and courts are more similar than not; whatever fen'harel provides she has already refused, in this life and her last. FINERY, POWER . . . mere trinkets! these are mundane gifts, what he'd offer any fool who called upon him and prayed. she requires what is withheld, what must be surrendered to submit.

❛❛ you are made of disobedience. not i. ❜❜ what he tastes in her blood is only what he can recognize; they are a covetous pair, weaned on want. al'anna presses a kiss to his bottom lip, teeth nicking against the soft, yielding mouth that is given to her alone. ❛❛ solas . . . evanuris anathema, ❜❜ she hisses, into her kiss, into his mouth. ❛❛ fangs blackened by taboo. deceiver of all, kin to none. ❜❜ will he snarl and bite her? has she gone too far? the proposition thrills! ( OH, TO BE DEVOURED. TO BE HUNGERED FOR. ) her words are carved sharp, an arrow she has honed with each hour since he stole her and each touch shared between them. ❛❛ but i cannot disobey. ❜❜

i have been a hunter longer than i have been a wife: her fingers capture that soft curve of his neck and tease, pressing into the places where a person ought not, ( the artery, the throat, the little flutters of pain ) where al'anna would slit her blade, her prey finally caught. ❛❛ you slink into our sheets and show me your stomach, where your skin is thinnest and pale . . . where i plunge the knife to gut you. ❜❜ her hands are laced delicate around his neck; she's the finest thing he's ever worn. ❛❛ won't you bring me her divinity, still beating, instead to eat? ❜❜

[feneireth2]

al'anna lavellan ( 1 / ? edits ) + extra bb

[feneireth2]

al'anna of eternal winter: the broken heart of the huntress archfey.

long ago, long enough that the details are lost even to her, al'anna was an elvhen hunter cast out by her clan. the hunt had been thin that year and the winter long, and al'anna, weak with her kind and fragile heart, had refused to kill twin fawns, meat that would have meant survival, meat that would have meant she belonged.

she had always considered herself alone in the world though, and so she traveled quickly and with ease from the lands of her clan, from those who were blood and kin. and when she found herself lost, al'anna thought, "it serves me right, in the end, to die in the snow that will claim the young of my people who starved when i shirked, to die in the forest where i will become food to the animals who are smarter than me and know to eat what is given when hunger comes."

but she was not eaten and she did not die. for al'anna, despite that kind and fragile heart, was a good hunter and was beautiful in that wood, sunlight streaming through clouds to illuminate the snow that rested in her hair and on her cheeks. and a divine wolf-lord, cunning and clever and cruel, who passed through the forest on a hunt of his own, claimed her as his quarry and sunk his fangs into her heart.

al'anna loved him too. she had never been wanted, never been warmed at the side of another, and it was an intoxicating feeling. she cared not for his cruelty, but she walked in her fae lover's footsteps as he hunted and menaced and fed and she learned to be cunning and she learned to be clever. and she learned, most of all, to want and desire, to covet what was out of reach and not wilt, but take.

but as the seasons changed and the years multiplied, she did the one thing the wolf-lord would not allow: age. her elvhen lifespan stretched out further than any other race, but it could not compare to the immortality of her lover. al'anna accepted her fate for she was glad to simply be loved. she had thought herself alone, but, for a time, at least, she had been wanted, even adored, and her heart was full.

but the fae wolf raged. "i devour all who would cross me, i am worshiped as a god by the elves, i have watched the centuries turn, and yet i cannot protect her?" he could not accept that his powers had limit and that his cunning mind and clever tongue could not trick fate to bend to his will.

he abandoned al'anna, not telling her of his intent, and raced through the lands, tracking every whisper and rumor and hunting down every lead, until he came across a fae both older and wiser who had buried herself and her secrets deep in the heart of the world. the divine wolf-lord pleaded and threatened, desperate for her aid, but the ancient fae just laughed and told him what she knew without hesitation or price. for it was an awful secret, an answer that took as much as it gave, and it delighted her to see his triumph fade and sorrow overcome his face.

and so the fae lord, wolf of sorrow and ill fate, returned to al'anna, his once and forever love, and drove the silver arrow he'd been given deep into her chest and revoked all the love, that want and adoration, he had given and broke her heart.

with a sharp exhale, al'anna was changed. antlers, twisted and delicate, sprouted from her temples; the brown of her hair fell like autumn and turned white; her features sharpened and glittered with frost; and her heart froze, a dull and pained white-blue pulse in her chest. al'anna stood still in time, immortal, finally fae. she became the forest of eternal winter she'd been lost in.

al'anna is now an archfey, her power amassed through devouring the hearts of those unfortunate enough to pass through her woods and decide to hunt. she is as lonely as she had once been, but far angrier, finally as cruel as her once-lover in the aftermath of him breaking her heart. her only friends are a pack of wolves who hunt alongside her through the forest. and though they are dear to her and bring her stories of the world beyond the trees, she misses what it felt like to belong.

misc. details and headcanons for this au . . .

al'anna wields an elemental bow that changes with the seasons. as she lives in eternal winter, it has remained a weapon of frost and ice.

al'anna's woods exist in a fixed place within the fey realm, but can be accessed from various locations in other worlds or planes under the right circumstances a la narnia. through a sliver of moonlight, through a mirror frosted over at midnight, through a pool of fresh deer blood on the winter solstice.

enterprising fae often send adventurers to her woods for fun or as a test to see if they survive. she is effective at cleaning up loose ends though she would be insulted to learn that was her peers' intent.

al'anna is not trapped within her woods. she simply has no idea where else to go. they are the one place she feels at home, though her court is merely an empty grand estate of stark and unfeeling white. her heart still grieves too, and the idea of companions, though it tempts her, sounds exhausting and dangerous. she isn't keen to lose anyone ever again and feel that breaking in her heart.

her wolves call her eir'mae, snow mom, and are a secret gift from her once-lover who yearns for her still. their lives are entwined with hers and she is strengthened when they feed upon hearts as she is weakened when they are injured or slain.

should al'anna love her wolf-lord again and have that love returned, her heart will melt and she will begin to age. she is unaware of this or the truth of their breakup. technically, al'anna can fall in love with a new lover and not lose her immortality, a fact that ancient fae had been all too eager to tell the fae-wolf.

al'anna is frustratingly hard to kill. her cursed heart is the only way to her true death and why the wolf-lord was willing to sacrifice his love; not only is she an immortal fae, but she is as difficult to kill as he. they will always live together even if apart. unless her heart melts, al'anna can 'reform' within her woods of winter when seemingly killed. it is slow and painful, however, and she will fight until her last breath to prevent this.

[duskildan-arc]

I'M DREAMING , LET ME TAKE YOU THERE . private, independent + selective writing blog for vax’ildan of critical role’s first campaign.  21+,  stealthed by vic,  sideblog to @rosenvale.

[feneireth2]

al'anna, when she is first inquisitor, is slightly pulling a batman in mentally detailing all of her companions' and advisors' weaknesses and vulnerabilities in the event she ever were up against them. and it wouldn't be combat necessarily, but, as the instinct would be born out of paranoia and an unease with the situation she finds herself in, a dalish elf masquerading as andrastrian, a dalish elf given power no non-elf in thedas would willingly give, it'd be more about "if i had to run" "if i had to trust one of these people who i do not trust" "if i had to last long enough to not win but escape." she's so prey-coded, i love her 🦌🤎

[feneireth2]

does it turn you on when i desecrate your shrines? @fenheral ﴿ a dragon age: dreadwolf au playlist.

i worshipped the myth i made of you, but i'm off my knees / now. [ traci brimhall, dear eros ]

nightmare , halsey: i've tasted blood and it is sweet / i've had the rug pulled beneath my feet / i've trusted lies and trusted men / broke down and put myself back together again.

therefore i am , billie eilish: i'm not your friend or anything, damn / you think that you're the man / i think, therefore i am.

can't control myself , taeyeon: you call me crazy, so what / cause i can't control myself / in front of you / everything becomes out of control / it feels like everything is going to explode / cause i can't control myself.

choke , i don't know how but they found me: now shut your pretty mouth / if i could burn this town / i wouldn't hesitate / to smile while you suffocate and die / and that would be just fine / and what a lovely time, that it would surely be / so bite your tongue / and choke yourself to sleep.

hatefuck , cruel youth: and i hate all your friends and the knife that you twist / when you say that you always win / i hate you every time i fuck you / but i close the door / cause i'm young and insecure / i loved you, what am i supposed to do?

kiss or kill , stela cole: you could say it's mental, dancing in your blood / but all is fair in war and love / k-i-s-s-i-n-g / me and you were sitting in a tree.

fetish , selena gomez feat. gucci mane: i can't deny / your appetite, ah / you got a fetish for my love / i push you out and you come right back / don't see a point in blaming you / if i were you, i'd do me too.

unholy , hey violet: don't say it's unholy / if i let you come hold me / i know it's wrong / that i want to be here in your arms / but tonight i'm so lonely.

religion , isak danielson: you know your power / and i know it too / i'll end up in the fire / burning with you / i've lost my reality / i've lost everything in me.

holiest , glass animals feat. tei shi: but you're the holiest thing i know / yes you're the holiest thing, holiest i know / look at the mess you've made / babe, i'm not what you think, come on listen to me / now all i do is feel afraid / can't you see that i'm real, can't you see i've been played.

why do you love me , charlotte lawrence: apologize, never apologize / you hate the way i lie / so here you go, i'm being honest / narcissist, come on, give us a kiss / let's have some fun with it.

better by myself , hey violet: would you kill me if i told you / that i never want to speak to you / cause when i'm on my own, i feel alive / and there's nothing wrong with crying / but my empathy is dying.

yes & no , xylø: i'll pull you closer into me / and i'm pushing you away / cause i'm yes and no / wait, i don't know / i think i'm dying / hold up, i'm invincible.

saints , echos: i'm sorry, but your story isn't adding up / think your religion is a lie to keep my mouth shut / so i won't testify to crime you're keeping score of / why don't you throw me to the wolves, i thought you were one?

two evils , bastille: i'm the lesser of two evils / or am i, am i tricking myself nice? / if i'm the lesser of two evils / who's this man, who's this act i hide behind? / there are two ways to skin tonight / let's see whose road gets there faster / this is a game, no wrongs, no right / only a winner and a loser / you and i, oh you and i / we're not that different, you and i.

would've, could've, should've , taylor swift: oh, all i used to do was pray / would've, could've, should've / if you'd never looked my way / i would've stayed / on my knees / and i damn sure never would have danced with the devil.

siren , kailee morgue: boy, i know what you desire / oh, you're such a bad, bad liar / this could be perfection / venom drippin' in your mouth / singin' like a siren / love me while your wrists are bound / you've been seein' me in your dreams but / i'll be there when your reality drowns.

after rain , dermot kennedy: pick a weapon up or something / we're bout to have ourselves a brawl / in the dead of night, one window open / he heard her singing down the hall / singing bout him, least he was hoping / she left her listener enthralled.

[feneireth2]

i love my da muses so much. i know it’s super self-indulgent and semi-unpopular to write the protags, but the thought and love and development i’ve poured into them is unreal compared to every other oc i’ve had. i have so much content written for them that will never even see the light of day, lmao. they’re my daughters, my trauma target practice. idk, it means the world to me that people interact and are interested in them. i am so grateful you all are here!

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

[feneireth2]

do not thank me. all i did was teach them to fear me. so says nesta acheron , ᵗᵉˡᵇᵃⁿⁱˢᵉ  ๋࣭ ⭑ ﴿ @silvreflames

then there is to be no bond or debt between them. al'anna is fleet-footed, quick, all too happy to revoke her thanks if that's what the lady insists. ❛❛ does fear not satisfy you? ❜❜ her head sinks into her furs, her wolves encircle her tight. nesta, bright-eyed, nesta, hearth-stung / the woods had whispered her arrival, gilded her in their finest frost, melted the snow beneath her steps, and still . . . they had done her no justice.

but al'anna tires of beauty, it greets her in reflections each day, and so, the harder she stares, the more she laughs. her mouth is sharp with silver, all her teeth bared. ❛❛ oh, is it love you covet instead? ❜❜

[feneireth2]

you are the only real thing in my life. so says solas , ᵐᵃ ᵛʰᵉⁿᵃⁿ  ๋࣭ ⭑ ﴿ @fenheral

i am god to the divine, his first thought and last. in their white bed, the sheets are marble, holding up this temple in which he worships and desecrates. and she loves him too, benevolent. ❛❛ nothing and no one will touch you again. ❜❜ save for me . . ! his many eyes are shut, sealed behind a blindfold of black and lavish silk. they are good at playing this game, ( THE HUNTER & HER QUARRY ) a reenactment of their wedding night, though all the roles are switched. her hands are soft and steadying, gracing across his slender frame, marking each shiver for a future kiss, the she-wolf's eyes catching on his throat as it shakes, veins flickering with each stuttering inhale, like the still-bleeding deer that lags behind the herd. ❛❛ i know, vhenan. ❜❜ why had the great wolf stolen himself a wife? what lurked within his court, filled with friends, familial faces, that had him crave a pawn of his own making when all solas needed was this touch, her care? ❛❛ you belong with me. ❜❜

[feneireth2]

it belongs to me, and i belong to it. so says sheik , ˢᵒᵐⁿⁱᵃʳⁱ  ๋࣭ ⭑ ﴿ @sheikage

to be mastered and muzzled, that is not what she would brag. but the shadow seems contented. or are they more ancient than in appearance? has it been a slow and steady giving, a slow and steady taking? and the sheik who was once born, who would have cared, could simply be no more, drowned in destiny, consumed. ❛❛ to fate, to time . . . ❜❜ al'anna wonders aloud. her wolves have them surrounded, snouts pressing into cloth, tongues claiming what is bared, and she smells as they do, tastes as they do. sheik is real, present and before her, and yet: ❛❛ are you amorphous as well? are you a body with no soul or a soul with no body? ❜❜

❛❛ oh, don't answer. both mean the same. ❜❜ she beckons her wolves back, without word or gesture, and they rise as one, a sea of fur and teeth to nearly swallow sheik, and swell again around their mother. ❛❛ numb. ❜❜

[johasul]