[fenist]

you know when you’re seeing a guy and you have a feeling he’s a gay man and you’re a gay woman but you also #love each other

[fenist]

both my sister and I have been extremely overwhelmed and stressed the past few weeks. she had a panic attack tonight which was triggered by my behaviour. the last time she had a panic attack 2 years ago was a very, very dark chapter in which a spate of panic attacks, anxiety, depression, extreme insomnia for a month (resistant to heavy medication even) rendered her on the brink of suicide. i feel quite terrified now, remembering that time, and trying not to focus on my self-loathing because it’s not about me and the priority is to make sure that she is ok and safe. I have no idea how to support her. giving her space as she currently wants

[fenist]

The incarnate Ibn Sina confesses he is in love with me. We have just spent hours in the library pouring over Ibn Arabi. He draws me a diagram of the celestial spheres, shaped like an onion. I still needs to figure out how to make you happy, he tells me. No one has ever said that to me before. I admit to him that I am confused, and he is confused by my confusion. Says, if you are still unsure, it means that you probably don’t return my feelings. The thing is, I have no idea what love is, and there are 4 men who offer me different futures, different selves to become. Later that evening, I am with a man I do not love, and he tells me that a friend of his has just died by suicide. He shows me a photograph of her and begins to cry softly. I hold him in my arms. While I am in bed, I think about the philosopher, and bury my face full of tears into the pillow so that he does not see me. The next day, my lover says “thank you for your care and support last night”. He is already trying to close the loop on it all.

[fenist]

in general, do you know what you want? do you know what you need?

[fenist]

hello! briefly reactivating to ask for advice: any recommendations for early July travel between Naples/ Ischia versus Lecce? desperately want to swim somewhere but also on a budget….

[fenist]

“In Palestine…we are born and we are raised on stories, to cherish stories, to love stories, to seek stories, and at the same time, we are taught early in our lives to tell and retell these stories that we hear from our grandparents, especially our grandmothers, and our parents, especially our mothers...these very stories are the stories that shaped me, that made me the person I am now, the stories that inspire me to continue...that teach me the moral lessons, the stories that connect me to my past, to how my parents lived under Israeli occupation, my grandparents…[storytelling] connects all the generations...as a Palestinian we feel obliged to tell the story...if the story stops, if we don’t narrate the stories to others, the stories are going to die, and [destroy] our heritage and future... Israel wants to push us to despair…to stop telling stories, to stop living, to stop studying, to stop going to university, to stop going to work, and that’s why, as Palestinians, we see every aspect of our lives… as resistance, even going to school, even the mundane, horrible, boring task of doing your homework, we see this as resistance…living is an act of resistance.” 

— Dr. Refaat Alareer, the Palestinian author, poet, and professor of English literature, who was born in Gaza, and was there assassinated, on December 6, 2023, by an Israeli airstrike. The quote is from this podcast, ""Gaza Writes Back: Narratives on Children and Youth," recorded in 2021, which I recommend listening to in its entirety, and the photograph was taken by Refaat's friend, the Palestinian poet Mosab Abu Toha.