I identify as a genderqueer or possibly agender yet sexually female. I absolutely love my body and genitalia, in a fantasy world I would probably have a small penis instead of a clitoris but I’m happy the way I am, I would be just as happy being male too. Why identify as genderqueer then? Because I just don’t resonate with gender, personally, at all. I don’t want to go to women’s drum circles, I don’t feel comfortable being excluded or included in anything based on gender, I don’t like it when people assume anything based on my vagina or lack of penis, I really don’t fit in with man or woman in terms of gender. To be honest I don’t think many people do, but people generally want to fit into society so conform even if it isn’t healthy.
2. What pronouns honor you?
She/her but I’m also happy being described with any pronouns, I am not attached to any of them. My partner enjoys mixing up pronouns to describe us.
3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.
I wear a mixture of gender neutral clothing (courd trousers, unisex t-shirts, practical shorts) and what society would deem feminine clothing - I really love clothing and own a really beautiful variety of outfits with styles I would describe as festival-circus-gothic-pixie-tribal-psychedelic-punk... But personally I don’t think clothing can belong to any gender, my partner isn’t trans but he enjoys wearing “female” clothing. But that’s the point really... It’s just “clothing” it doesn’t have a gender, we assign it gender. We love sharing clothes!
4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?
I choose to grow out most of my body hair, I quit shaving my armpits three years ago and my legs about two years ago, and my eyebrows I stopped plucking about two years ago too. I think body and facial hair is beautiful on both genders. I actually find it very attractive! I don’t judge people based on their body hair but I do believe very strongly that “choice” implies that the woman making it have actually experimented and researched and seriously considered it as opposed to just following the beauty standards set down by society. Most women I have queried on it have admitted they have /never/ seen their legs or armpits fully hairy and I think it’s kind of sad that the majority of woman feel that pressure that they couldn’t even contemplate trying it out. At the same time some people of both genders just prefer it, and that is cool, it’s just important to have diversity and our current system does not encourage anything other then total hairlessness from women! Also as a little sneaky secret I sometimes shave part of my pubic area underneath because I find it heightens sensation during sex, but I actually prefer having a complete bush aesthetically. I still pluck my chin hairs (when I let them grow I have about four or five little black hairs) which I feel confused about, but we all have social conditioning and pressure no matter how much we feel we’ve overcome it.
5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?
I only wear make-up when I am at festivals or parties or occasionally just for fun at home, I’d say once a month or less. I believe make-up is never more beautiful then a natural face without it. Make-up can be really fun! But to me it’s like facepaints. I would pick spots and scars and blemishes over foundation any day :) It’s SO important to love your face and body as they are naturally, because that is the truth. If you’re only comfortable when you have make-up on, you’re not being comfortable with your real self. When I was younger I would wear foundation, concealer, eyeliner and mascara every single day. It took years of learning self-acceptance to overcome my make-up habit. Now I can’t imagine being like that! I just love my own skin. I hardly ever paint my fingernails but I sometimes paint my toenails.
I really despise perfume, I have never ever smelt one I have liked. I hate deodorant too! I love natural earthy human smells. Really bad BO is pretty horrible though, so I appreciate why some people feel the need to use them, and I know lots of people love perfume, it’s just personally one of my most hated of the normal cosmetic things. I love oils and resins though, like a drop of lavender oil rubbed into my mohawk or some nice resin on a shirt collar.
On soaps & that kind of product I am a fussy fucker, I don’t have much money spare but I definitely prioritise getting good quality products, I am very conscious about my health and skin and personally I don’t trust most companies - I try and use products that only use natural and gentle ingredients. My favourites are Mistry, Lavera and Dr Bronners Magic Hemp Soap
6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?
Well, in the sense that people don’t assume I’m genderqueer, yes, but I don’t think it’s obvious enough for people to guess.
7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?
Hmmm, not really, I used to when I was younger because I didn’t like my body as much, I didn’t appreciate my curves and wanted a male body, and I also felt like having a penis would be nicer then a vagina, and didn’t really fit in with “other girls” - but my journey has been a unique and beautiful one and I began a path of self-acceptance and self-love which has shown me so much about how beautiful we all are and how our natural bodies give us so much. I definitely love my female body now. I would love to be more muscular though! Curse my bodies lack of desire to be hench.
8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?
Definitely. Having children is a top priority for my life. I also really want to be pregnant at least once. I would really love to be in a poly amorous situation by then and would love to co-parent with other partner/s. My dream is to have a big polyamorous family where we all share children too!
9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?
I don’t care. I have been a “housewife” and I have been the main breadwinner and I have also shared work equally with partners. I would prefer to work less when I have a family so I could devote more time to parenting. I have both had all my dates paid for and also paid for all of the dates, it’s really utterly irrelevant to me. Money doesn’t mean much at all except as a means to ends.
10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?
It’s been a long long road of exploration and self-acceptance, but I feel very comfortable with my gender and sexuality and hope it continues to evolve.
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