EUCATASTROPHE

it is only a passing thing, this shadow. helena. xix. bi. novelist, poet, student at oxford.

[historyy]

i miss this place. i have things to say i don’t want anyone to hear. maybe the trees and the wind will suffice.

i’m not coming back.

[rascalnikov]

I’ve seen a couple posts floating around that say something along the lines of ‘you can still be dark academia even if you don’t go to a uni like oxford!!’

My personal feelings on ‘dark academia’ as a lifestyle (whatever that means) aside, whilst I completely agree with the sentiment of these posts, I do want to clear up a few things as someone who actually goes to Oxford. The posts in question say that you can create your own dark academia experiences even if you don’t go somewhere where dark academia is ‘a given,’ which misleadingly suggests that there are places in the world - like Oxbridge or the Ivy Leagues - where the dark academia vision is a reality, and I just want to say firmly that this is not true.

Oxford is an amazing university because of the resources and funding it has available, and the city is very beautiful - I know I’m fortunate to go here and I’m not trying to deny that. But at the end of the day, it is just another university. You still get students sadly making instant noodles in a shitty kitchen at 3am, or vomiting into their sinks because they couldn’t make it to the toilet, or drunkenly eating yesterday’s pizza out of a bin. Oxford students don’t sit around discussing literature or philosophy any more than your average student, and the view from my bedroom window is this:

The work culture here is more rigorous and intense than at most other unis, but that is more because of our shorter terms than anything else. And that ‘academic vigour’ is not something to be envious of or aspire towards, because it’s not fucking healthy: I know the DA community likes to talk romantically about pulling all-nighters to study because of your unquenchable thirst for knowledge or whatever, but being at a uni where you have no choice but to pull frequent all nighters to get through all your work can actually be pretty horrible sometimes, and the state of mental health here at Oxford is absolutely appalling as a result.

Basically what I’m saying is: dark academia as an aesthetic is all very well and good, and if it encourages you to study that’s fantastic, but please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that dark academia is a state of being that can actually be attained by people in reality. It’s not real. Not at Oxford or Cambridge, not at Harvard or Yale, not at posh English boarding schools (and let me tell you, some of the boys who went to schools like that are some of the most unpleasant and bigoted people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting). Dark academia is not attainable as anything more than a way of dressing or of decorating your room, so please don’t get sad if you feel like there are people out there living it while you can’t. There aren’t.

[historyy]

in my most memorable night at my last term at Oxford I drank a bottle of prosecco, embarrassed myself in front of a well known youtuber, and was violently ill for 24hours before eating 5 slices of toast at a cheap cafe in tears.

people ask me if my life in oxford is ‘aesthetic’.

[lizziestudieshistory]

Oxford is definitely NOT "dark academia" outside of beautifully shot films like Brideshead Revisited and novels... I got accepted for my masters and I quit after a month because of how APPALLING it was for my mental health (and financial stability but that’s a completely different story...)

I spent weeks being ignored in seminars, had my ideas stolen (and praised) in front of me when I'd been shot down by the seminar lead, and even had one elite boarding school guy make fun of my regional accent which isn't even that strong... It took a total of three weeks to destroy the little bit of self esteem I'd gained during my undergrad degree, and it took my wonderful undergrad supervisor getting in touch to make me apply for the course I'm starting at University of Warwick fresh this year.

In my experience Oxford has some amazing people there, such as my new supervisor. But the elitism, sexism, and racism is alive and kicking no matter what they have you think. For some people this doesn't effect them too much and Oxford is the right call - but it was NOT for me. I'm glad I'm a white woman tbh or I imagine it could have been a lot worse.

Oxford is a beautiful city and under different conditions it's a fabulous university to attend as one of the most well funded and prestigious institutions in the world. However, it's not the intellectual vision we have of it on the outside. Just like anywhere else it has it's flaws - and students will always act like students, drugs, drink, and breakdowns galore...

Also if you want to strive for a HEALTHY version of dark academia then wear the clothes and take pleasure in learning for the sake of learning? You can do that anywhere - but your whole life can't be an aesthetic. Also I'd say my beaten up 1960s seminar rooms with 6 engaged students and a lecturer who actually wanted us to develop as academics is a much more "dark academia" than a beautiful period lecture hall with 300 students and a lecturer who doesn't really care!

[jawnkeets]

[rascalnikov]

I’ve seen a couple posts floating around that say something along the lines of ‘you can still be dark academia even if you don’t go to a uni like oxford!!’

My personal feelings on ‘dark academia’ as a lifestyle (whatever that means) aside, whilst I completely agree with the sentiment of these posts, I do want to clear up a few things as someone who actually goes to Oxford. The posts in question say that you can create your own dark academia experiences even if you don’t go somewhere where dark academia is ‘a given,’ which misleadingly suggests that there are places in the world - like Oxbridge or the Ivy Leagues - where the dark academia vision is a reality, and I just want to say firmly that this is not true.

Oxford is an amazing university because of the resources and funding it has available, and the city is very beautiful - I know I’m fortunate to go here and I’m not trying to deny that. But at the end of the day, it is just another university. You still get students sadly making instant noodles in a shitty kitchen at 3am, or vomiting into their sinks because they couldn’t make it to the toilet, or drunkenly eating yesterday’s pizza out of a bin. Oxford students don’t sit around discussing literature or philosophy any more than your average student, and the view from my bedroom window is this:

The work culture here is more rigorous and intense than at most other unis, but that is more because of our shorter terms than anything else. And that ‘academic vigour’ is not something to be envious of or aspire towards, because it’s not fucking healthy: I know the DA community likes to talk romantically about pulling all-nighters to study because of your unquenchable thirst for knowledge or whatever, but being at a uni where you have no choice but to pull frequent all nighters to get through all your work can actually be pretty horrible sometimes, and the state of mental health here at Oxford is absolutely appalling as a result.

Basically what I’m saying is: dark academia as an aesthetic is all very well and good, and if it encourages you to study that’s fantastic, but please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that dark academia is a state of being that can actually be attained by people in reality. It’s not real. Not at Oxford or Cambridge, not at Harvard or Yale, not at posh English boarding schools (and let me tell you, some of the boys who went to schools like that are some of the most unpleasant and bigoted people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting). Dark academia is not attainable as anything more than a way of dressing or of decorating your room, so please don’t get sad if you feel like there are people out there living it while you can’t. There aren’t.

[historyy]

in my most memorable night at my last term at Oxford I drank a bottle of prosecco, embarrassed myself in front of a well known youtuber, and was violently ill for 24hours before eating 5 slices of toast at a cheap cafe in tears.

people ask me if my life in oxford is ‘aesthetic’.

[historyy]

what happened to @nosebleedclub ? 

[historyy]

PLEASE buy something from my Depop I am so broke. I have v dark academia trousers listed atm!!

[historyy]

life as a writer (esp a young writer) is life not being paid for your work

[thestalkerbunny]

Times are troubling and hard right now-but never forget, your Beet loving Grandmother loves you very very much and wants you to be safe.

And for you to eat your vegetables.

[lakemichiganbaby-deactivated202]

“i do not dream of labor” yes u do. labor is fulfilling. u dream of a world where ur labor isnt exploited and its that or starvation. i guarantee u dream of labor. labor is a necessity and in and of itself is a good thing.

[lakemichiganbaby-deactivated202]

if u dream of having a garden, of painting murals, cooking or baking for people, researching in a lab, or writing stories, u dream of labor. which is good! we all jus hate having our labor exploited and being underpaid for the value of our work. nobody wants to just sit at home and do NOTHING as quarantine proved! in and of itself labor is fulfilling and contributes to the betterment and advancement of society, too many people are just barred by arbitrary divides (class, education) and unable to perform labor they’d be best suited for, or that type of labor (arts, service industry) is undervalued and underpaid.

[historyy]

it’s funny bc depression is associated with lack of productivity and maybe it’s bc it clashes with my anxiety, but I find myself doing lots in an attempt to fill the void. write a poem? edit a magazine? write and produce a play? activism? art? screaming? yes!

[bioaccumulation]

I miss the god complex english class gave me

[trevenanl-deactivated20200913]

When a drunk girl outside a club bathroom speaks… you listen. If she tells you that you’ll find love despite being hurt in the past? She’s right. If she tells you to stop being so self-aware? She’s right. They are the modern day Oracles at Delphi and must be taken at their every word

[sweetanyways]

the entire concept of dark academia is so funny to me

imagine u go to college and immediately upon finding a group of friends u just go feral and commit homicide,,, oh whats that? homer made u do it? shakespeare’s ghost said do it or else ur homophobic? voltaire’s spirit held you at gunpoint?? fitzgerald and his bro hemingway sent you prophetic visions once upon a midnight dreary? 

[historyy]

LOOK I know I’m dead on here but Noelle Stevenson’s Nimona meant a lot to me when I was struggling w my sexuality and though she never confirmed the queer relationship in canon it was always clear to me, and watching the last season of She-Ra made me think about how MUCH that would have meant to me if I’d seen it when I was 13/14, especially bc of how much I related to Adora. GOD I love Noelle and the whole She-Ra team so much, it’s so much more than a kids cartoon.

[historyy]

2020. I know how the ocean feels. Boundless but bounded, almost everywhere but trapped.

[historyy]

Maybe I’d like to be not person but Ocean actually

[historyy]

2020. I know how the ocean feels. Boundless but bounded, almost everywhere but trapped.

[historyy]

did I do the wrong degree I ask myself every five minutes