˟ ╰ 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 ,

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

there’s a tiny little voice in taeyoons head that whispers to him how so undeserving he is of this attention from jisung. his eyes moving to land on his long time friend and seeming to be trying to figure out if jisung really meant what he said. he knows his friend has never been one to say things without meaning them but there has always been two years with the two of them not really talking all that much. other than fighting.

he isn’t sure if in that time his quite friend changed and thus finds himself worried that jisung could merely be humoring him for the time. 

but then again something tells him that isn’t the case. something in the way jisung moves closer and keeps looking at him–something in his eyes that has taeyoons heart aching. the desire to just cling onto his friend and never let him go again wells up in him.

he manages to hold it back, mostly, but taeyoon does end up reaching out with one hand to slowly–hesitantly–lace his fingers with one of jisungs hands. he’s nervous, scared to be rejected, but desperately wanting the contact. desperately seeking some kind of obvious notion that there is a chance him and jisung are going to be okay. 

only then does he finally answer the question, shoulders sagging as he lets out a long heavy breath. “you know how my parents are.” is his response and he wonders if he really needs to go into dept. then again he also knows jisung wouldn’t be fully aware of how bad things have gotten. wouldn’t know what has been going on because taeyoon hadn’t let him in for the longest time.

“things have been… weird lately. after– after the thing with sebin hyung and halloween.” he takes a shuttering breath, blinking away tears quickly. “i just haven’t… i don’t… ugh– god. i don’t know why i suddenly can’t talk.” taeyoon pauses for a moment before he glances at jisung again then continues. “i’ve been a horrible friend, jiji– don’t say i haven’t–and.. i just didn’t–i don’t know still, really, how to fix it. if i even can. i don’t think i have any right to even call you my friend anymore. but without you, when it’s just me, i become so… lost? and i know now that this was all on me but i–it was hard to stop.. being me for a moment… to be able to say i’m sorry to you.” then it’s like the dam was broken as words start pouring out of him, shaky and almost incoherent. a rambling mess like he always is. 

he isn’t expecting anything. within the two years they’ve interacted, jisung has learned that it’d be better if he didn’t, to let things flow as they are just for a hope of keeping some type of connection with a friend he thought hated him. in the past, he’d consider himself someone who knew taeyoon well, able to predict what the other wanted before taeyoon needed to say it aloud. he realises now that isn’t the case, especially now that he realised taeyoon had always been more than a best friend.

something else he needed to keep locked away in his heart, hidden from everyone else but himself.

it’s hard to keep his focus. with no music to drown out the sound and the silence between them present, he’s struggling to keep his attention on just one thing. he tries his best still, taeyoon deserves that much.

when taeyoon reaches out to him, though, jisung was taken aback. although his expression remains as pensive as ever, something he finds difficult to change, his eyes widen slightly, a small sign of surprise. his hand twitches a moment, but jisung doesn’t pull away—he never would, not from taeyoon. he stays silent, letting taeyoon speak, listening as he always would, as if they weren’t separated by circumstances for two years.

he doesn’t like seeing taeyoon this way, his friend’s radiant smile and the memory of it are one of the few things keeping him going. that said, he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t find comfort in the way taeyoon still seeks him out during troubled times. even if he doesn’t know what that meant.

just when he thought maybe this is where they’ll stop for today, taeyoon continues—and ends his speech with an apology, one that seemed out of place. jisung had always thought it’d come from himself, not taeyoon. he doesn’t know how to respond, lips parting with no words coming out. he looks at taeyoon as if asking the other what he should say, but that’d make it pointless. if he doesn’t speak now, then they might really be over.

so, he starts with the truth. “i never stopped considering you a friend.” he can feel taeyoon’s sincerity. even if jisung doesn’t see the point in apologising, always one to blame himself, he doesn’t dismiss it. he accepts it with a squeeze to taeyoon’s hand. “thank you, for being honest with me.” it’s a start. but where do they go from here?

“i’m sorry, too.” he tries to list it all, but it’s futile. taeyoon knows, and it’d only be an insult if he went on a tangent after taeyoon had.

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

it’s never been hard for taeyoon to get jisung to talk. his best friend had always been the quiet one of the two of them and in most company the younger boy wouldn’t utter more than a word and generally those words would be in reply to taeyoon himself. it’s never been an issue though even if sometimes kids thought that to be a good enough reason to taunt and jeer. it worked for them because taeyoon likes to talk. he likes the sound of his own voice and especially likes when someone listens to him.

in his household no one ever listened to him. 

but then he met jisung, and jisung listens to him and plays with him and the two of them would do everything together. and jisung would talk for him! as they got older he would hear more of his best friends voice and it always felt so special. feeding into that possessive nature of his. jisung is his best friend so it always made sense that he would be the one to hear him talk.

but he also knows if jisung doesn’t want to talk, he won’t. taeyoon has never pushed him on this and he never would, being able to read his friend even when he’s silent. it’s why, right now, he’s a little surprise jisung is talking so much. going so far as to question him. it makes something ache in his chest but he can’t identify the feeling. 

with his head resting on his crossed arms over his knees, taeyoon shifts slightly so he was able to see the other from this ankle. gazing up at him with an almost sad expression on his face. wondering silently to himself if this would be the last time they would be able to converse calmly. wondering if jisung was giving him one last moment before cutting him out–after all, taeyoon would deserve it. 

before he can stop himself he’s replying. “i wanted to see you.” a heavy tone to his voice that is always there when taeyoon feels like crying. a give away to anyone who knows how much of a cry baby the teen is. “i– i didn’t. i don’t know if— i.” he chokes up a little, head turning to muffle his words in to his hands so he was no longer looking at the other. fighting against the pride in him to be fucking honest for once in his life. that shred of hope that he might be able to fix something before he really does lose every thing. 

“i didn’t know where else to go and–and you were always the one i would come too..” he can hear the wobble in his voice and god, it’s embarrassing. “i’d understand if you want me to leave–i just.. i don’t know, it’s stupid.. sorry.” 

he knows how it feels to not be heard, to scream and cry but only for those to fall upon deaf ears. it happens at home, wherever he usually ventures. that’s one of the reasons why he started singing, getting on a stage and having the audience listen was something he needed, at the time. he’s sharing something, and although they may not fully understand or be able to comprehend the hidden meaning behind his words, they’re still there.

maybe that’s why regardless of how taeyoon would react to him, whether he’d be shunned or accepted into his friend’s space, jisung will always be willing to lend an ear. he’s aware of the other’s situation at home, not an ideal one, similar to jisung’s own. he had wanted to provide taeyoon a safe space, as taeyoon had done to him. at this moment, he’s not sure if he’s equipped to be that type of space, but he’s trying. he still wants to be. his feelings hasn’t changed, he doubts they will.

a shame that he realised them too late, but that isn’t something he deserves to dwell on anymore.

taeyoon’s admittance somehow still manages to surprise jisung. he cranes his neck slightly to look at the other. despite having a few questions, as well as finding it slightly hard to believe that taeyoon sought him out of all people after everything they went through, he lets taeyoon speak. he doesn’t interrupt and stays in his lane, he knows when to keep his mouth shut and when to give input.

vulnerable, uncertain, afraid—that’s how taeyoon seems at this moment. jisung’s heart aches, he wonders whether he contributed in some way, a passing thought he dismisses because this isn’t about him right now, it’s about taeyoon. it always was, with jisung.

“i’m here,” he says, a form of reassurance. against his better judgement, jisung moves a little closer to the other, but he doesn’t make contact—he’ll only do so if taeyoon starts it. “i don’t mind your presence.” he thought taeyoon knew of that fact, although he doesn’t mind reminding the other of that every now and then.

he doesn’t want to dismiss taeyoon’s feelings, so he asks, “did something happen?”

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

it’s startling when jisung just crosses the distance between them and takes a seat beside taeyoon on the curb. it’s cold out but it’s not as bad when his old friend comes within range. even though taeyoon doesn’t understand why he’s sticking around. he owes nothing to taeyoon, the older boy has been nothing but a horrible friend the last two years and he would have figured jisung to given up on him at this point. 

his chest aches at the idea but he knows he deserves it. 

so when, instead, jisung stays by his side, he can’t help but grasp onto the hope that maybe there is still something here worth saving. maybe not all hope is lost and he has a chance to redeem himself in the eyes of his friend. the most important person in his life. 

taeyoon relaxes slightly, almost slumping as he crosses his arms over his knees and rest his chin on them. he doesn’t look at jisung directly but he can see the other from the corner of his eye and part of him feels it might just be a figment of his imagination. he wants to reach out, to verify, but if it is fact he doesn’t want to ruin the image. 

“aren’t you cold?” he asks after a long moment of them sitting there. he doesn’t know what else to say right now. doesn’t know what he could say or should say or even how to start any of it. 

a part of him knows he needs to just start with the simple words of i’m sorry and let it go from there, but it’s so much harder than in practice to say those words. to take the responsibility would to be admitting to ones own faults and taeyoon has never been good at that. to show any kind of weakness would be to set oneself up for disaster in his world. 

“do you ever… think that maybe the world is out to get us?”

jisung isn’t expecting anything from this encounter, he’s certain that once morning comes and the day fades away they’ll go back to how they were—or that is what he’s trying to tell himself, to squash out the hope that keeps growing whenever they’d talk without harmful words leaving their lips. for the moment, there’s silence between them, but he doesn’t hate it. it settles between them comfortingly, although it doesn’t stop his mind from producing thoughts he’d rather leave behind.

not looking at taeyoon, he directs his gaze before him to the empty street. at this hour, there aren’t many dwellers, especially not with this temperature. the setting is much more intimate than he had previously thought, they may be able to speak to their hearts content. or not, considering their track record. there’s no telling who’s going to come and go from the club, either. for now though, it’s just the two of them.

“not really,” jisung answers, bringing his legs closer to himself. it’s cold, but there have been colder nights. at least this time around, he isn’t alone. jisung can handle this much.

the question taeyoon hands his way makes him blink, wondering the implications beneath it. jisung doesn’t ask, instead he delivers his answer with honesty. “many times.” it’s a simple answer, but looking back at his history—deeming every mistake and every consequence a curse from the world, it’s hard to lie to taeyoon. he always thought of the world as unfair, ripping everything jisung ever needed from his grasps. he thought it’s something he has to learn to live with, nowadays.

does taeyoon feel the same way?

he doesn’t feel like it’s within his right to ask, but he does anyway. “what brings you here, tonight?” taeyoon can avoid the question, or perhaps lie. either way, jisung will accept it.

[feyjisung]

feyhyunwoo​:

❬ unfortunate ❭

hyunwoo lets out a short laugh when the little werewolf tells him bluntly that sitting there could lead to his death. he really doesn’t think it would have wound up being that serious, unless some other supernatural had come across him in his moment of weakness. that could have potentially happened, another vampire perhaps, drawn by the scent of blood, and hyunwoo would have been too weak to fight them off. in that sense, he’s pretty lucky that the person who had happened across him was jisung, and not some random hunter or another supernatural that wouldn’t have been as amenable to helping. 

“you’re not wrong. i’m lucky you were the one to happen across me, aren’t i?” he murmurs, hiding a grimace as he takes a step too heavily and his head spins. hm, it really does seem like jisung’s suggestion of taking him somewhere had been the best after all. 

“you’re familiar with it?” he asks in mild surprise, arching an eyebrow at the shorter and (much) younger male. “how do you know it?” he questions as he gestures towards the direction that they should go, dropping his arm immediately afterwards as it becomes too heavy to hold up. he suspects that the werewolf is trying to keep him awake, and if hyunwoo hadn’t been long accustomed to pushing his body past its limits in the name of protection, he probably would have needed it. but he’s used to this, used to ignoring the demands of his body as long as there’s someone to protect, and in this case, it would be emotional protection for donghyun. 

“jisung,” he repeats quietly, focusing his attention on taking each step towards flourishing flowers. “you seem quite young.” young and lonely, he doesn’t add one, but he suspects there’s more to this story than jisung is willing to tell — at least, to a stranger.

it’s an exaggeration on his part, stating that hyunwoo could die that easily. but it’s not all that crazy—especially not after everything jisung had witnessed in these recent years. there’s nothing wrong with being too careful, although jisung is one too talk, being someone who ignores his surroundings most of the time. it doesn’t help that he literally hangs out with hunters often, but that’s a topic for another time. definitely not something that hyunwoo needs to concern himself with, not when the other is bleeding out like this.

jisung supposes that hyunwoo is lucky, to run into jisung of all people. the only problem is that jisung isn’t very strong, it was only luck that the vampire they encountered was weakened. if it was a normal vampire, he wouldn’t be able to defend hyunwoo.

he gives a nod and goes to follow hyunwoo’s instruction. “yes, i’m familiar with that place.” he confirms. “some time ago, i encountered a young boy in the music store. i think he’s affiliated with that shop, so i know the general area.” that isn’t a place he frequents—jisung doesn’t even go out that much unless it’s for band practices and performances, or when he needs to try and clear his head as he roams through the forest. he hasn’t been doing that as of late, not after what happened within that forest.

blinking, he turns to hyunwoo with a questioning gaze. “i am,” he replies, unsure what else to add. “and you must be quite old?” it’s a conclusion he came to just from hyunwoo’s statement.

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

feysebin​:

( ... )

where jisung had been, taeyoon had never been far. sebin turns his head slowly, the smell of blood strong in the air, making his throat itch, but he fights the urge to succumb, he’s never had such motivation — and his eyes fall on another familiar figure, guilt washing through him so strongly he thinks he might drown under its tide. “taeyoon,” he whimpers, taeyoon whose neck is bloody and ravaged, taeyoon who he had tried to eat —

( ... )

“it’s—it’s really sebin hyung, right?” he asks, eyes still on jisung before they drop to sebin again, making eye contact with the older as he hears his name from a familiar voice. it makes his heart hurt and if it hadn’t been for the light headed ness ( and fear of vampires ) he might have moved closer. “how–what–i don’t understand… what’s going on…” 

there’s a million questions rushing through his mind, yet he’s not sure whether he’ll be able to garner any answers, at least not tonight. of course the idea of supernaturals isn’t strange to him, he became one within the span of a night. he thought there would no longer be anything that could surprise him to that degree, but as he sees sebin now—noticeable fangs, clouded with bloodlust, seemingly unable to recognise the both of them even as they called out to him. there’s so much he wants to ask, to find out about the other, when or where exactly sebin ended up suffering a similar fate to jisung, but now isn’t the time nor place to do so.

being a defenceless human, taeyoon’s safety is of his utmost priority. his old friend is being stubborn, refusing to move from where he’s standing. or maybe taeyoon is frozen from shock, after all the other is completely aware of where sebin’s whereabouts was supposed to be—six feet under, a tombstone right above where his head should be. jisung knew that well, he was there when they buried him, after all. he would even leave flowers by the grave, stick around just to feel sebin’s presence, no matter how small it was.

an ache in his chest persists, though he tries to ignore it. he thought that things couldn’t get any worse, that surely there was no possible way for the rain to continue and soak his very existence to the point where it grew to heavy to move. how many times had he asked for sebin to return to the land of the living? how many times had he wondered whether sebin is in a better place that he wouldn’t be able to reach? how many times have they looked up at the same moon?

everything is becoming noisy—his head is getting full, fuller, too full—his grip around sebin tightens just for something to hold, bring him back to reality for a split second. amidst all the sounds he couldn’t sort out, comes a voice; broken, unsure, but familiar. when jisung opens his eyes again, there’s sebin—the sebin that he knows, wrecked with guilt and struggling to make sense of his surroundings. like this, sebin reminds him so much of himself.

“sebin hyung,” he says in a whisper. jisung doesn’t know where to start, but he loosens his grip around the other. he can’t bear to hold such hostility against the only family member who would even acknowledge his existence, who would readily welcome his presence. “what... happened to you?” he doesn’t expect to receive a proper and coherent answer, but the question slips out of his lips before he could catch himself.

jisung doesn’t know what to do, faced with a situation he thought could never possibly occur. he doesn’t know where to put his hands, what it is he should say or what steps to take next. too much, too much, too much—even after everything shoved down his throat, there’s something that he can’t handle. although he’s trying not to, wanting to be the stronger of the three, he’s almost at his limit. he’s trembling, he can’t control it, a soft gasp leaves him before he could stop it.

his eyes go all over the place, unable to settle on just one thing for a second—until eventually, his eyes land on taeyoon. he doesn’t know what expression he’s wearing, but he knows it’s unsightly, especially with the wretched sob that he’s desperately trying to hold back.

help me, he silently pleads, even though he’s the one who should be saving taeyoon.

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

there’s something funny about this situation, taeyoon sitting on the curb feeling heart broken over a boy he hasn’t even had the chance to properly like. funny because there was a time when taeyoon would say they would be together forever. friends forever. he never thought there would be a time when he didn’t have jisung by his side. the two of them have been friends for so long and for a while there taeyoon was certain it would be forever. after all they worked so well together why would they ever split? 

he hadn’t realized at the time what his feelings really meant and now he believes he won’t ever get the chance to do something about the feelings. everything is all muddled and all he truly knows is he fucked up.

would jisung ever forgive him? does he deserve it? 

he sniffs, rubbing the sleeve of his jacket across his eyes. he doesn’t even think he has the right to cry over this because it’s his fault. he did this to them, ripped apart their bond as if it was nothing. any excuse he wants to make wouldn’t do anything to rid him of the responsibility. 

taeyoon thinks he has his emotions under control–and he knows he can’t keep sitting out here in the cold–but when he hears his name from the very voice he was hoping to hear tonight his gaze snaps up from the ground. he spots jisung easily, and his heart almost seems to jump in is chest. “jiji?” he responds, a hitch in his voice as his eyes swell. those emotions bubbling up and it was like seeing jisung was enough to finally break the damn. 

“ugh– didn’t– don’t you have a performance?” he gets out, dropping his head again to hide the tears rolling down his cheeks. not wanting to worry jisung–not thinking he deserves the others concern. plus he didn’t want the other to see the cut on his cheek. the only person in his life aware of the tension in his family. once upon a time he would have called jisung for an escape, after all. 

“i was just getting some fresh air.” liar.

the way taeyoon calls out to him, using the nickname that he had missed listening to, feels so familiar that his chest aches. it’s hard to look away from the tears gathering in his old friend’s eyes, even harder to pretend he didn’t catch the way taeyoon drops his head almost immediately. there’s something important that he is missing—a sign that something is happening right now. the way the other turns away as he did was enough to paint a vague picture, but he needs something clearer.

jisung remains patient. despite everything that happened between them, jisung isn’t here to push, bombard taeyoon with questions that he may not even want to answer. there’s a distance between them that he knows he should maintain, but it’s difficult to do so when taeyoon seems so broken.

the reply that he receives from taeyoon is expected, a dismissal that jisung could ignore, but he won’t. there are many things he can turn a blind eye to, such as the insults that came hurdling his way whenever he’d be within close proximity of taeyoon himself. seeing taeyoon hurt, all alone and suffering though—that’s a different matter. jisung can shut his eyes and close his ears to the world around him and let the haze in his mind overtake his senses, but if there’s a chance he could reach out to taeyoon no matter how small, he’d take it.

“we’re done. another band is scheduled after us,” is his simple response. he doesn’t say that taeyoon is lying, even if he is aware his old friend isn’t being truthful at the moment. no good will come from that, he doesn’t want to start arguments either. instead, he braces himself and makes his approach, leading himself by taeyoon’s side. 

he doesn’t say anything when he sits down by the curb too, crossing his legs and dropping his bag onto his lap, signifying that he’ll be there for as long as need be—for as long as taeyoon needed him to be. where else would he rather be?

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

waiting.

@feyjisung

the cold air is but one of the many things bothering taeyoon as he hovers outside the club. his arms crossed over his chest and eyes watching the door with a strange nervousness that isn’t typical of taeyoon. someone who has always been so ready to jump head first into things. he isn’t one to be intimidated easily, or bothered by the thoughts and opinions of others. even the last two years of fighting with his best friend he never let it stop him from going to places he wanted to go. like this club before him.

he knows the band is in there, always knows their schedule even if right now he isn’t really talking to anyone in said band like he use to. one person who seemed to forget about him, and one who he pushed away. 

the stinging of the cold air against his face isn’t enough right now to push him forward. even if right now he could really use loud music and a pumped up crowd to just forget everything going on in is life. he knows what brought him here and who he’s seeking out but he finds himself.. nervous. unable to continue on. the fingers of his right hand raise slowly to softly poke at the thin cut and bruise along his left cheek. the memory of a aged hand wearing a bulky ring lashing out and catching him just right , marking him in a way he never has been before. 

maybe it’s because he doesn’t want jisung to see him like this. for his friend to see just how broken down taeyoon has let himself become recently. the self imposed guilt eating at him and the growing tension at his parents him. maybe he’s worried jisung has finally grown sick of him, tired of the game the two have been playing. his heart aches thinking about having lost his chance to make amends. especially.. knowing what he knows about himself. 

his bottom lip wobbles a little, the tell tell sign that his body wants to just cry it out, and he finds himself dropping down onto the curb a little down the street form the club. he can’t go in, not this way, not right now. 

no matter how much he wants to, he can’t rely on his friend right now. it wouldn’t be right. he just… he has ot find some way to talk to jisung first.

it’s supposed to be like any other night. get on stage, finish the gig without a hitch, take a sip of juice and leave. there’s one thing missing though—a person, to be more precise. jisung isn’t supposed to be expecting a certain someone, not when their relationship has been so rocky he doesn’t know what to label it. despite that, taeyoon usually shows up to their performances, particularly in bars. he can’t tell whether taeyoon memorises their schedule, but it’s too easy to chalk it all up to coincidence.

tonight, taeyoon isn’t here. even as he scans the crowd before him, a mess of bodies moving mindlessly, possibly not paying attention to what he’s even singing, there’s no sign of his friend. the first thing that comes to mind is that taeyoon got himself in trouble, worry seeping underneath his skin and leaving him a little antsy on stage.

but there’s a chance that taeyoon just got tired of him, exhausted with their back and forth, this game they’re playing. maybe taeyoon decided to cut off the string that connects them once and for all—jisung doesn’t want to think about this option, yet he can’t exactly rule it out. a part of him wants to believe that they’ll be okay, that they’ll be able to move on from here, or wherever it is they are. at this point, it feels unrealistic.

jisung doesn’t usually stay long after a gig. he’s not allowed to drink, he doesn’t really feel the desire to either. if it isn’t a bar where jihoon works, he’d leave immediately. he isn’t the type to mingle, anyway. he’s not familiar with any of the staff in this club, let alone the intoxicated guests. after bidding farewell to his fellow band members, jisung left with his bag in tow.

a familiar scent stops him from turning the other way. just a few feet away from the entrance, he finds the one he had been looking for the entire night. the figure sits by the curb, seemingly contemplating something. jisung isn’t sure whether he should approach, so he remains where he stands. “taeyoon?” he calls out, his voice a little hoarse after rounds of performances.

he wants to ask what taeyoon is doing here, if he wants to enter the club—if jisung’s presence is what kept him from coming in. he doesn’t. 

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

( ... )

“you could have just called–texted me to meet you somewhere.” He chokes out, voice heavy with the sound of tears as he hugs his best friend. “Not get yourself hurt for–for this– for me…” he can’t help the warmth that blooms through him.. the small sign that jisung really does still care for him. 

“I’m sorry..” he mumbles softly into the others shoulder. “and thank you.” 

there’s a different air around them right now, an atmosphere that’s more peaceful, a pleasant surprise though he can’t help but wonder just how long it’ll last. he had always been rather pessimistic, his mind drifting towards thoughts he’d want to push aside. right now, he’s trying to not pay attention to that, taking in every small shift in his old friend’s expression and observing the little changes he doesn’t want to miss. he doesn’t know what to expect, he never does when it comes to taeyoon. he used to think he’d be able to make accurate predictions, but uncertainty follows him wherever he goes nowadays.

lately, they’ve been apart. he hasn’t been keeping up with taeyoon’s recent whereabouts, doesn’t have a clue what the other has been doing—sometimes he’d see taeyoon among the crowd while he’s on stage, other times they’d be at each other’s throats, unable to ask a simple “how was your day,” he hopes it doesn’t end up that way today. just one day, it’ll be enough for him. he won’t ask for too much.

the first sign should have been that taeyoon stayed quiet, a rarity although jisung never did minded taeyoon’s ability to strike a conversation about anything. it’s strange, to be able to speak freely when he had just gotten used to being cut off by someone he had assumed was his best friend. it should have told him that something’s changing, or maybe it’s because he’s in tatters, bruises all over his skin as he’s barely able to stand. whatever it is, when taeyoon’s tears come, he hadn’t been prepared for it.

he’s even more unprepared for what comes after, taeyoon’s warm embrace, something he had been missing for quite a while but believed he could never attain again. he can’t help but wince, muscles tense as he figures out what to do. it’s hard for him to move his arms, not when he’s in this state. not long after, the familiarity of taeyoon’s comfort sets in, and he relaxes just a little bit. taeyoon’s tears aren’t a new sight, in the past he’d do anything to wipe them away. he thought he lost that right when taeyoon turned his back on him—on them. 

something is changing.

“i’m not good with texting.” there’s truth in that, though not the complete reason. he’s never one to lie. “i wasn’t expecting... the moon, but i’m glad i made it on time.” there’s more he could have said, how he wished taeyoon a great day, that he hoped taeyoon celebrated regardless of whether jisung was there or not. the words die at his lips.

jisung doesn’t miss the whispered apology, but he doesn’t know how to address it either. he hums, at first. “i should be the one apologising, you had to see me in a... bad state.” he moves his hand to give one gentle—albeit awkward—pat on taeyoon’s back. “it’s not your fault. i just think, things like that, would be better said aloud.”

[feyjisung]

the text is sent at the stroke of midnight, and this time it isnt just some memes like he has been sending for a few weeks now. a simple message that reads "happy birthday, jiji. when you're free let's meet up?" it's not like taeyoon to request and not demand, but he does ask. and he sends a cute sticker after.

birthdays are complicated. it’s why he doesn’t celebrate them.

maybe back in the day, when he was still too small to properly process what’s happening and he’s able to tune out the little whispers in his head. he remembers the sight of cake, the melody of laughter that he doesn’t hear often anymore. he’s not sure whether he misses it, simply chooses the easier option of not thinking about it. there’s always one person who remembers, a friend he believes he had lost a while ago. he isn’t expecting anything this year. he never has, but he crushed whatever lingering hope stubbornly remains. or at least he thought he did.

something is missing. there’s a void in his life, one he doesn’t know how to fill up. jisung thinks he’s always gloomy during this time of the year, soft snow under his fingertips—a little gloomier than usual, especially when there’s no one to hold his hand through the cold. he’ll get through the winter just fine, he managed to do so last year, against all odds. this year won’t be any different, even if he wants it to be.

submerged in his thoughts, talking to no one but himself to keep himself company, jisung thought that’s how he’ll waste the day away. to his surprise, he hears the familiar ding of his phone. it takes a while for him to realise that he just received a message, he doesn’t even try to read what it says from his notification. jisung isn’t the easiest to reach through phone, he takes his time to respond. sometimes, he doesn’t. something is telling him to open the message though, an urge he can’t quite label. so he does, only to be greeted by a contact he wasn’t expecting to see.

the message is simple. usually, it would be, a message he expected. but to jisung, it’s a little more complicated than that. he blinks, taking note of the date displayed on his own phone. his own birthday had slipped his mind, but that isn’t anything new. he’s grateful, more than he should be, that taeyoon remembers. he wants to accept the invitation, even if nothing comes out of it. as he usually does, jisung takes his time to reply, mostly because he needs to organise the right words.

he starts with a thank you, followed by a where?

simple.

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

feysebin​:

( ... )

there’s very little in his mind in that moment except for the fog of bloodlust heavily clouding his vision, and he snarls wordlessly, baring his fangs at the person holding him down and fighting to get free again. but it’s no use. vampire though he is, sebin is incredibly weak — only a fledgling, but a deprived one at that, one so barely in control of himself in that moment that he can’t even use his enhanced strength to his advantage. not that it’s really useful against other supernaturals, anyways. 

there’s no recognition in his eyes as he whines, struggling, fighting against the familiar familiar scents that surround him. why are they so nostalgic?

( ... )

his eyes land on the thing that had just attacked him and a startled gasp leaves his lips. eyes widening in horror at what he’s seeing because it’s not just some vampire. no. not some random creature which had decided to make taeyoons it’s snack for the evening. a horrified whisper leaves his lips. “sebin hyung?” as if he can’t fully believe what it is he’s seeing but he’s been around the older enough times to know what he looks like. it makes his body run cold ( though part of that could be the blood loss too ) and he repeats. “thats– thats sebin hyung.” a little louder. almost begging someone to tell him he’s wrong. 

sebin died. so why is he here now? 

the first thing he’d think of would be taeyoon—is his friend, if he could still call taeyoon that, alright? jisung doesn’t dare take his eyes off of the creature (one like him, so close to who he is) under him, keeping himself in place lest the vampire start trashing around and chase after taeyoon once more. he’s fairly certain that this vampire won’t try to bite him at least, because supposedly werewolf blood is intoxicating to them. but when he pays closer attention to said vampire, he’s not sure whether he’s aware of what he’s doing, nor be able to discern what’s good and what isn’t.

upon further inspection, or what little he can inspect—there’s no mistaking who he’s pinning down to the ground. as taeyoon says the vampire’s name—his cousin’s name—it all clicks. it’s not just another vampire, it’s sebin, the only member of his family who still stuck around him, who hadn’t turn away from him. whose graduation he visited only to realise sebin isn’t there, he wasn’t in this world anymore. it’s the first time jisung had faced grief, something he never processed properly, even to this day.

maybe if jisung hadn’t been unwillingly turned into a genera himself, he’d be in pure disbelief. there’s no good that will come out from staying here and just letting himself drown in circumstances, he has to do something more. “taeyoon, the wound—cloth, press on it.” the words he manages to get out comes out more jumbled than he’d like it to be, but taeyoon had always been pretty good at knowing what he meant, although it all comes down to whether taeyoon decides to let himself digest jisung’s words or not.

as he stares down at sebin, his gaze shifts into one of regret. there’s so many things he wants to say to sebin, he isn’t even sure if his cousin would be able to hear him or even recognise him. he wonders how he’s faring as a supernatural himself, but noticing sebin’s brittle bones and the way he has no control over himself, jisung can come to his own conclusions. it must not have been easy, jisung knew exactly how it felt, having to go through it alone.

“sebin hyung, i’m—i’m sorry,” he says, not knowing what else to tell the other. he can’t help but ponder over whether he’d be able to save sebin from this life, a curse. he’s not sure what to do now, whether he’d be able to hurt the other to save taeyoon.

[feyjisung]

— safe inside

feyminsoo​:

don’t repeat my mistakes ; @feyjisung

( ... )

that’s why he’s here now, with a box full of fried chicken because youngsters like fried chicken, right? minsoo is there to make check up on jisung after the halloween — in the end minsoo ended up being too busy making sure his pack was in order and it’s very certainly feeling guilty he didn’t have the time to check up on jisung then, even if he offered the materials to make sure he’d be fine anyway — but also finally make an offer. he knows he can convince his pack to take the other in even if he’s still too young and has passed way too long without a pack to be as “useful” as the samgaksan pack usually likes their members. minsoo will find some argument, some reason, even if he has to bullshit his way through it.

“jisung-ah.” he smiles, soft and gentle, when he sees the other. “i brought fried chicken.” he gestures to the bag on his hand, wiggles his eyebrows in hope that the younger werewolf would at least give him a small smile. “do you think we could talk for a bit while we eat?” 

halloween marks yet another checkpoint for him as a werewolf, witnessing a different moon for the very first time. it wasn’t fun—he had no idea what he was doing, barely had any grasp over his own senses. ultimately, he finds himself being chased by hunters, eager to claim his life. it’s a miracle he even managed to escape with his life, bruises all over his body and blood trickling down his skin. he ran to the only safe space he knows, even though he didn’t make it very far. if it wasn’t for his best friend finding him, jisung wasn’t sure he could have made it out of that entire ordeal alive. it has been roughly two years since he turned, surely at one point, he’ll come to appreciate what he is and what he has becomes. that seems to be the case with the other genera he knows, at the very least. so why hasn’t jisung reached that point, yet? how long must he continue to feel that strong desire to become human again—normal—knowing that it won’t happen?

when the transformation had occur, he went through it all on his own. as he laid on the ground, pain coursing throughout his entire body, wondering whether he’d live or not—there was no one by his side. when there are screams within his head, ones he cannot quiet down no matter how hard he tries, he had been alone. to jisung, being on his own is natural, akin to breathing. it hadn’t always been that way, he used to have someone by his side almost everyday, but that quickly changed because of what he is now. he simply can’t see a silver lining—that’s probably why he needs help, though he isn’t one to ever ask for it.

enter minsoo, a kind older werewolf who started taking care of him a while back. jisung felt a little bad, especially when the other has more important responsibilities to tend to, like younger werewolves from his own pack. he wants to be able to convince minsoo that jisung would be fine on his own, that he’s used to venturing the world by himself, he doesn’t expect anything more and he never will. minsoo is a much more experienced werewolf, however. despite his strong beliefs, he knows minsoo wouldn’t be able to accept his reasoning. werewolves are social beings, jisung always found it strange how someone as antisocial as him ended up being a werewolf. he supposes it isn’t something he can just pick and choose, it’s not like being a vampire or a witch is any better. at the end of the day, jisung simply wants to be a simple human being.

he appears to minsoo in a better state than during the end of halloween, at the very least. the injuries are healing, gradually—probably because he hasn’t been around other werewolves, always growing weaker due to that. there are leftover bandages on his arms and legs, showcasing what he had gone through during that night. still, he approaches minsoo with a calm face, as if he hadn’t almost lost his life recently. he stares at the meal that minsoo had prepared, blinking before he looks back up at the older. “what do you want to talk about?” once his words are out of his mouth, he reels himself back in—why does he have to sound so cold all the time?

“thank you for the meal,” he adds, hoping minsoo wouldn’t take offence to his earlier words. even after all this time, the mistakes he made when it came to speaking, he’s still unable to choose the write words or use the right tone. “i hope halloween treated you well.”

[feyjisung]

feytaeyoon​:

( ... )

“come on, no one is home at my house.” his hand wraps loosely around jisungs wrist. urging the other with his eyes to lean on him. taeyoon might not be the strongest person but he’s sure he could at least help jisung walk and it’s not far. he’s able to ignore the way his heart skips at just being in contact with jisung. he has no right to have these feelings after all. “i probably still have some of your clothing too so… you can like change after getting cleaned up.” 

“are you hurt badly?” 

he could see the hurt in taeyoon’s eyes when he decides to pull away, to recoil and take a step back, even though he knows in his heart that he doesn’t want to. jisung regrets it immediately after, wants nothing more than to comfort taeyoon even if he doesn’t know, even if he knows there’s a greater chance he’ll fail at it and they’ll go back to square one. but right now, he can’t, not when almost every inch of his body is aching and he doesn’t know where to start looking for injuries. he had accumulated enough experience when it comes to treating others, yet when it comes to himself, he’s at a loss most of the time.

there’s no telling what will happen next, whether things will continue to be like this or if there will be another unexpected turn, just like the one he hadn’t expected a year ago. the safety that comes with taeyoon’s presence has long gone, replaced by uncertainty and doubt—and it hurts, he doesn’t like that he his perception of taeyoon had morphed this way, that there’s an underlying fear whenever he’s around the other. most of all, he’s disappointed in himself. for what? at this point, there’s too many on the list for him to name.

this time, he’ll settle for seemingly causing taeyoon more pain, even though he hadn’t meant to—just because he fell into is fear, for a moment.

(he could hear the voices telling him all this is warranted, but he ignores them the best he could. because no matter the veil of fear he’s wearing, underneath everything, his feelings for taeyoon remain the same.)

“i’m... sorry.” that’s all he can say, another apology with too many meanings, one he doesn’t know will ever reach taeyoon properly, seeing as the ones that came before failed to do so. “i really... am nothing more than a burden to you, am i?” he mumbles under his breath, a question that needs no answers—especially not from taeyoon. he could figure it out himself, even without the help of the voices in his head.

jisung wants to say he’s fine, but he knows better than to lie to taeyoon. the first time he tried to keep a secret, it didn’t end well. he remains silent, although he brings himself to look taeyoon in the eyes once more. it was then that a memory came to him—abruptly, as if it had stayed at the back of his mind, buried from the transformation he had to undergo under the heavy blue moon. suddenly, it all made sense—why jisung headed towards taeyoon’s house as if it was natural, as if he’s meant to be there that night, of all nights. jisung had never been good with words, he’s not sure he’ll even sound genuine after the stunt he pulled earlier, but he wants to say it either way.

what’s another three words that he has trouble saying out loud, right?

“tonight... i really was looking for you, tonight.” he doesn’t try to move even close to taeyoon, there’s no comfort that he could possibly grant the other now, not in this state—not ever, it seems. feebly, with his reddened hand holding onto his own elbow, leaning on one leg instead of the other injured one, jisung tries to muster a smile. he feels nothing short of pathetic, appearing to taeyoon like this—but that doesn’t matter. what matters is—

“happy birthday, taeyoon.”

he isn’t going to rely on a song, just this once.

[feyjisung]

so, what do you think? in another, simpler life, could we be real friends?

it’d be a lie if jisung had never thought of this question before, he spent a lot of time around jaeyong and there are moments when he would forget what the older was—what he was, for a peaceful moment in time. jisung always longed for the past. it wasn’t perfect, there are still hardships that he had to go through, but everything made sense. just another human, trying to survive living, without having to worry about the full moon or hunters who want to do more than kill.

a simpler life, where he doesn’t need to raise his guards up so high around jaeyong whenever they’re in the same room, where he can talk to jaeyong naturally, without having to pick out every word and figuring out whether he’d be setting himself up or not. it doesn’t feel real, feeding a delusion that will only hurt him in the long run. but no matter what jaeyong is, human or hunter, jisung had been genuine when he found the older cool, strumming his guitar among a crowd of fans as he did way back then.

he still does now, as exuberant and rowdy as jaeyong can be. the complete opposite of who jisung is, encouraging the bloom of what could have been an unlikely friendship.

it’s nice.

“i don’t know.” it’s not a world he wants to dwell on for too long, seeming too good to be true—maybe a little boring to some, but it’d be like salvation to jisung. there are too many wrongs that he wants to correct in that other world, too many possibilities that he couldn’t explore in this one. but in a world where the both of them are edgy band kids with a contrasting dynamic—could they have been friends?

the answer isn’t difficult to come by. “i’d like us to be,” jisung says, a sigh he wasn’t aware he was holding leaving him. there’s no use fantasising, such a dream will never come true in this lifetime. he’s the one pulling himself away from jaeyong, putting up a wall of defence because if he were to die, he wants to be the one to choose how it’ll happen—not have jaeyong, a hunter, decide for him. still, he’s not happy about it. at the end of the day, jaeyong is a valuable member of his band, someone he would have liked to befriend, if he could. 

“after all... i don’t hate you,” jisung adds, his voice a little softer this time. “not even in this life.”

mentioned: @feyjaeyong

[feyjisung]

Tell us about Taeyoon.

the question—command—leaves him slightly stunned. it’s not a sentence he thought he’d be forced to face anytime soon, but it’s here now. it might be the fact that he hadn’t been able to talk to taeyoon himself without hearing sharp words, without going on a tangent and ending up in an argument. there’s a lot jisung wants to say, but never had the opportunity to, whether because taeyoon would walk away before he could or he stopped himself. but right now, he’s being given the opportunity to be completely honest, to say what he wants to say—what he needs to.

why not? no one’s listening, right? taeyoon doesn’t need to know, and he won’t.

“he’s one of my oldest friends.” jisung can’t quite remember how they ended up talking, what their first interaction was like, his head filled with too many unnecessary baggage that the important memories he does want to keep from his past have slowly faded away. what he does know, is that taeyoon had been in his life since a long time ago, a constant presence jisung never thought he’d lose. “he’s kind of spoiled, he was always a bit of a troublemaker too.” there’s a hint of a smile ghosting his lips as he recalled a moment in time where taeyoon would defend him, small fists flying around as he crouched down not knowing what to do. jisung had to fix taeyoon up a little that day, but that was the time he understood what it meant to have a friend. “he’s a good friend,” jisung says, genuine with his words.

jisung may not remember much, but the great memories that remain with him from his childhood are always linked with the other one way or another, sparks in time he desperately tries to keep close to his heart, not tainted. but they’re slowly fading away, lost to the hallucinations and the mess that comes with his current state. he used to be able to picture taeyoon’s smile so easily. nowadays, he can only see taeyoon’s frown, the disgust and fear in his friend’s eyes as he turns his back on jisung.

taeyoon had always been there—until suddenly, he wasn’t.

the tiny smile that came from reminiscing disappears, he exhausted all his good memories. “but... we aren’t friends anymore.” that’s the easiest way to put it. “i betrayed him, in a way. i can’t tell you much about taeyoon now... because we aren’t as close as we used to be.” he hates me. “i can tell you all about how he used to be, but he’s different now.” that’s no one’s fault but jisung’s, he blames himself everyday—that’s what taeyoon wants, right?

“i think i love him,” he blurts out, and he blinks. he hadn’t expected that from himself, he fully expected to take his feelings with him to his grave, never stating them allowed to anyone, not even to himself. but it’s out there now, he has to deal with the aftermath. “i love him,” he repeats, a little quieter now, as if he’s trying to confirm it with himself. jisung had never been good with emotions, he’s awful at identifying them and much less expressing them. it took too long for him to reach this point, but he feels as if it had always been this way. back then, taeyoon was constantly by his side, showing no signs of leaving.

so the moment taeyoon abandoned him, stab him with sharp words and looked at him as if he was a stranger—the moment he lost taeyoon’s warmth, is when he realised he loves his best friend. the irony of it all. “but it’s too late,” he says, voice tired, a faint whisper. “i don’t think i even deserve to talk about him like this.”

he’ll just have to live with this.

mentioned: @feytaeyoon

[feyjisung]

Is there someone in life you care deeply about?

“of course there is,” is the simpler answer he could have gone with. but that wouldn’t be satisfactory, that much he can tell. “it’s more than one person.” jisung isn’t one to put his thoughts to words—there are too many for him to focus on, so he’ll take it slow. there are times when he feels like it’d be better if he omitted that part of him that still cares, that is capable of concern. he realises now that it would mean letting go of what makes him human, that maybe it’s fine for him to still care even if he gets nothing in return.

even if all it makes him feel is hurt.

he starts off with the person he could still converse with, that still stuck by his side. “i don’t have many friends, so i’m grateful for jihoon hyung.” the older risked his own life to save jisung, they’ve known each other for quite a while too. a part of him is afraid that he’d lose jihoon, just like how he had lost another friend of his, and he’d be left completely alone again. there’s a chance he’ll bring more trouble to jihoon than anything else, but jihoon remained—there’s no way he could cast away his care for his friend, he doesn’t want to either.

“i also... have a cousin, the only person in my family who acknowledged my existence. i care about him too.” his flat tone doesn’t convey the swirl of emotions that he felt when it came to sebin, who he thought he had lost. but for sebin, it was too late. it doesn’t matter how much jisung cared about his cousin, how sincere he’s being right now—jisung wasn’t there when sebin passed. he hadn’t been there when sebin needed him most, what’s the point in stating that he cares now, when he hadn’t shown it back then?

maybe that’s why he lost his cousin—maybe that’s why he continues to lose, like how taeyoon turned his back on jisung, seemingly without hesitation. the image is still clear in his mind, haunting him whenever he closes his eyes. “there’s a friend i used to have, who i care about deeply.” is there a need to mention his name? there’s no one else it could be. “i don’t think... he has much room for me in his life anymore, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t care deeply for him to this day.” even if taeyoon doesn’t.

mentioned: @feyhoon, @feysebin, @feytaeyoon

[feyjisung]

you can only choose one person you truly care about from dying. who do you choose and why?

what a cruel question, is his first thought. “assuming there’s only one person i truly care about,” he mumbles, but there’s no point in pointing that out, all he needs to do is answer. jisung isn’t close to many people, he hasn’t made meaningful connections, even more so in recent time. not because he doesn’t want to, no, but because he couldn’t. still, jisung is—was—human, there are people he grew up with that he couldn’t imagine losing (but have lost, anyway, so that’s a whole other matter).

death—he imagined what would have happened if things turned out differently for himself, whether it’d be better if he lost his life the day a werewolf attacked him or if he was lucky, being able to breath like this. it takes just one look at the best friend he lost and the prominent problems he brings to another to tell him it wasn’t worth it, that he should have died that day.

but could he ever wish that upon anyone else?

the answer comes without hesitation: no. he knows what loss feels like, has gone through it more than he’d like, never giving himself the proper time to grieve. at the end of the day, he doesn’t want to go experience that again. what a hypocrite you’re being, jisung.

“if i had to choose... it’d be taeyoon.” there’s a weak puff of air where a bitter laugh should have been. “i don’t know what context this question is being asked from, but i think... no matter what it was, i don’t want to watch him die.” he lets out a short sigh. “even if it’s not my place to make that choice, anymore.” he doesn’t have a place in taeyoon’s life, merely a sore spot where friendship could have been.

“that isn’t to say there aren’t others i want to save, who i want to see live.” after all, he wishes that jihoon would be able to truly live for himself, to find meaning beyond whatever superficial reason jihoon is holding onto. but, if he’s allowed to be selfish—if he was asked who he’d readily give his own life up for, then he supposes he’ll have to follow his heart.

mentioned: @feytaeyoon, @feyhoon

[feyevents]

it’s time for honesty hour! for this meme, you’ll be sending and receiving questions to help develop your characters. you’ll have to answer in character, and yes, your characters must be honest. these questions can be about anything, but try to keep development in mind! to let members know that you’d like to receive asks in your inbox for this meme, please reblog this post. and remember “rp karma”; the more questions you send out to your fellow members, the more you’re likely to receive!

this meme may be reblogged for the next two weeks, until december 17th at 11:59pm. after this time, this post is no longer permitted to be reblogged and no new honesty hour questions may be sent to inboxes. responses may be posted at any time, including after the deadline.

as long as your meme answers for the week add up to more than 250 words altogether, they may count as activity, but only until the december 17th activity check. responses posted after that time will not be sufficient to pass an activity check.