"Ethical AI" activists are making artwork AI-proof
Hello dreamers!
Art thieves have been infamously claiming that AI illustration "thinks just like a human" and that an AI copying an artist's image is as noble and righteous as a human artist taking inspiration.
It turns out this is - surprise! - factually and provably not true. In fact, some people who have experience working with AI models are developing a technology that can make AI art theft no longer possible by exploiting a fatal, and unfixable, flaw in their algorithms.
They have published an early version of this technology called Glaze.
https://glaze.cs.uchicago.edu
Glaze works by altering an image so that it looks only a little different to the human eye but very different to an AI. This produces what is called an adversarial example. Adversarial examples are a known vulnerability of all current AI models that have been written on extensively since 2014, and it isn't possible to "fix" it without inventing a whole new AI technology, because it's a consequence of the basic way that modern AIs work.
This "glaze" will persist through screenshotting, cropping, rotating, and any other mundane transformation to an image that keeps it the same image from the human perspective.
The web site gives a hypothetical example of the consequences - poisoned with enough adversarial examples, AIs asked to copy an artist's style will end up combining several different art styles together. Perhaps they might even stop being able to tell hands from mouths or otherwise devolve into eldritch slops of colors and shapes.
Techbros are attempting to discourage people from using this by lying and claiming that it can be bypassed, or is only a temporary solution, or most desperately that they already have all the data they need so it wouldn't matter. However, if this glaze technology works, using it will retroactively damage their existing data unless they completely cease automatically scalping images.
Give it a try and see if it works. Can't hurt, right?
This Orion/Kwite thing trending on Twitter won't make people disbelieve & attack alleged victims of sexual assault.
Everyone was already doing that, and will continue to do it at any or no excuse.
If humanity weren't racists, they'd be able to tell two different Asian cultures apart let alone two Asian individuals, & wouldn't make every perceived Asian answer for the real (WW2 Japan) or imagined ("lab-made virus") crimes of other Asians.
If humanity weren't misogynists, they'd be able to tell two different women apart, & wouldn't make every woman answer for the Amber Heards of the world.
If humanity weren't monsters, they'd have basic compassion for victims - both of sexual assault and of false accusations - & a concern for truth and justice, and wouldn't dogpile on alleged victims to keep abusing an "easy mark".
But humanity has always been full of racist, misogynist monsters. These tragic events don't make new ones. They expose the ones who were always there. And they will always be there.
I'm so fuggin' tired of hearing morons drool out their mouths over this so here's all you need to know:
It's perfectly fine that Rise April is black.
April o'Neil has been portrayed as black before Rise.
April o'Neil was not "originally black" in the Mirage comics.
Rise did not make April black for woke points. Rise makes numerous changes to Turtles orthodoxy so that it isn't a boring repeat of the more traditional 2012 cartoon that immediately preceded it.
(EDIT: Many of the comic scans from this blog post, as well as some of its information, are from this blogspot post from 2018. I neglected to mention this earlier, but at least one person is asking. Unfortunately, people who reblog this post from earlier versions will not see this edit.)
The original creators of TMNT are Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman. Laird has always considered April o'Neil to be white other than considering possibly making her Asian in early notes; the confusion over April's race is solely due to Eastman.
In her earliest appearances, April o'Neil conveniently stands right next to known definitely-black character Baxter Stockman:
This April is as white as the Mousers and the lab walls and doesn't have curly hair. If anything she looks like Sigourney Weaver (Dutch, English, Scots-Irish, Scottish), right down to Ellen Ripley's outfit.
Since Alien came out in 1979 and Ellen Ripley is a massive influence on female lead characters even decades later, this resemblance might be intentional.
But Kevin Eastman, who has a habit of designing female characters based on the woman he is seeing at the time, redesigned April two issues or so later based (rather loosely) on his at-the-time girlfriend April Fisher (she has since passed away.)
April Fisher was, as a matter of fact, mixed-race.
Eastman later clarified that April Fisher was, of course, the source of April o'Neil's given name the entire time. (And I would like to point out that the surname of o'Neil doesn't preclude someone from being black.)
But being named after or inspired by a mixed-race person the creator knows does not mean the character is mixed-race, any more than the numerous My Little Ponies based on real people share those people's races (as opposed to being cartoon horse fairies or whatnot.)
April o'Neil specifically states that she got her hair done. That is to say, she got a perm.
Since black women's hair is already very curly, black women get perms to straighten their hair. April got hers to curl her hair - because she's not black, she's a white lady trying to look like a bootleg Paula Abdul (Syrian).
Or, quite frankly, any other 1980s pop star?
Because, y'see, now's a great time to point something out that Twitter & Tumblr seem to hope you'll forget:
The entire 1980s.
I'm pretty sure nobody who cares whether April o'Neil is black or not knows who Paula Abdul is, except maybe that she was a judge on American Idol. Paula herself might be a year or two late for April's redesign to reference her specifically, but April o'Neil looks like any random white woman from the 1980s. Because the Mirage comics were released in the 1980s. They take place in 1980s New York. And damn near every single white woman in the 1980s got a perm at some time or another.
I doubt these black April fanatics recognize half of them:
.....
Even the men got them!!
And eventually, around the time everybody else was over it, the exact same April o'Neil in the exact same continuity lost the perm:
Remember what Eastman said about April's "different looks"? Even in the same damn comic they can't draw her consistently. April here not only looks nothing like Paula Abdul April, but nothing like Ellen Ripley April either. Hell, she looks like a JoJo character.
And there are some panels were Paula Abdul April is shaded darker than in others, which you could take as April being black if you literally ignore the entire rest of the comic and pretend that's the only time she was ever drawn:
You know, like how people pretend Princess Daisy was "originally black" because she was sliiiightly darker in Mario Tennis than usualy, including ignoring that there are earlier illustrations where she is more pale?
A perm and a tan doesn't make you black. That'd be, y'know, blackface. Not like T&T actually knows what that means either, since they think a white person posting an image with a black person in it counts as it.
Don't you think the fact April looks like four different people in the same fucking comic should convince us that we can't deduce her race from interpreting the illustrations and instead, we should, I dunno, recognize that every single time April has appeared in color with Laird and Eastman's oversight, she's been clearly white?
As opposed to that one comic everybody likes to cite, which is a non-canon guest comic by Mark Bode that changes such details as the city it takes place in and April's job, which was originally published in black and white, whose black April was colored that way by another guest artist (Bill Fitts) and looks like a disco queen stereotype which I could've sworn T&T hated, and which was later corrected to a white April when republished:
We really shouldn't listen to uneducated narcissists who want to have their cake and eat it too, don't know who Cyndi Lauper is, and already had their conclusion ready before they looked at any of the evidence, blatantly misinforming us about the world's most inconsistent comic and pretending 98% of that comic and one of the most important decades in modern human culture just never fucking happened.
I haven't sat down to watch this movie myself and don't intend to, but it appears to be a really bad, shlocky, low-budget gorn movie that capitalizes on mascot horror (specifically, Five Nights at Freddy's) with the added appeal of not having to pay anyone any royalties.
The director claims he's received death threats over the matter. I should remind everybody that the modern generation has a severe mental health crisis. They're psychopaths who can't get the treatment they need because, even if they wanted it, the US in particular refuses to let them have it.
Only Winnie and Piglet (and Eeyore's tail) appear in live-action form - they're both fat guys in goofy Halloween masks, they look like Leatherface, and some cuts of Winnie resemble Bulk Bogan's initial Oblooblivion face. If you have no idea who Bulk Bogan is or why I spelled that Oblooblivion you should really start watching better things than Winnie-the-Pooh horror movies.
Rabbit, Owl, and Eeyore appear in the intro, which is hand-animated in a crude parody of Milne's illustrations, but not in live action form. Kanga and Roo are completely absent, and Tigger will not be in public domain until 2024 so he's not present either.
For some reason, the movie really needs Winnie and Piglet to just not talk. The excuse for this is that after Christopher Robin first met the group (who were actual living things and not imaginary), he grew up and left for college.
Now, in Disney's Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search For Christopher Robin (pictured), the incredibly stupid animals were terrified that Christopher Robin was seemingly abducted by "Skull" (i.e. school, they can't read) and went through what would be a horror experience for a four-year-old but everything worked out fine in the end.
In this version, unable to take care of themselves, they ate Eeyore because of course they ate Eeyore and were so disgusted with themselves for doing this that they vowed to return to animalism, never speaking again, and also killing every human being they saw, especially Christopher Robin.
The only thing either of them says is "You left..." from Winnie after Christopher offers to stay with them to stop them from killing people.
Like so many other trashy "be disgusted!!" slasher movies, one of the ladies gets her boobers exposed before she gets her face took off and is tossed in a wood chipper. Many viewers are confused why this happens; it's because slasher films rely on disgust and frequently use sex, misogyny, or x-phobia as a source of it. Murdering attractive, usually-nude women in barbaric ways is a punishment for thinking the female body is beautiful. The viewer is meant to suffer dissonance in whether they find female flesh appealing or disgusting. It's an outrageous and therefore disgusting portrayal of women as hunks of meat to lust after and/or murder and/or turn into hot dogs.
Winnie is also capable of blasting people's faces and limbs off with stiff-jointed kung fu like some sort of tubby honey-covered Kenshiro, but likes to eviscerate people with knives anyway.
Despite being incredibly short, the movie feels exhaustingly long due to stretching out its lackluster tension and violent torture-porn scenes as much as possible.
To cap this off, here's a gem of a quote from Christopher Robin after the first kill in the movie:
Winnie! You've got to help me! I think something's wrong with Piglet. He just killed my wife!
I can't wait for the sequel (yes they're already planning one) where Kanga will probably melt somebody's face off with acid-milk from her kangaroo-tits and Roo will scratch out a gravelly LoOk wHaT I CaN DoOo... while shoving a bike pump up somebody's ass and making them explode. They're trying to make a whole series, fuck it's like Leprechaun all over again except without Warwick Davis to carry the movie.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to fly back out of my art slump with Elae Meltaea's versions of the Winnie the Pooh cast. You might still find them rather tasteless, but at least they'll be pretty to look at. Especially Kanga. Hubba bubba!
Hello dreamers! I once again forgot Tumblr existed. Then again, didn't everybody?
I have no idea if I have any actual followers. I have a few people who've clicked Follow on my page, but that doesn't mean they're particularly invested or all that familiar with me beyond whatever pretty pictures they happen to see on their timelines.
But anybody who is familiar with me might wonder how I can preach all righteously when all I draw is naked furries and half of them have boobs or balls the size of basketballs.
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I'm tired of rape & shame being the only allowed sexuality.
People have developed a hideously unhealthy view of how sex works, and they attack everybody else's sexuality in fear of it.
Our modern political trends like feminism and transgender, and the basic day-to-day operation of our TV and media, are largely founded around the toxic notion that womanhood is weak, gross & shameful and manhood is strong, violent & threatening. The world runs around the childish caricature of "woman slut, man rapist" and people are having their entire self-images and worldview poisoned by this.
Real women with large breasts are shepherded into pornographic modeling only*, or harassed and pressured to "get a reduction" with fear-mongering and misinformation - either defining themselves as someone else's sex object, or mutilating themselves for someone else's Victorian comfort**.
Children with precocious puberty are slut-shamed by their own (female) peers and teachers because they can't fit into standard child-sized clothes.
I don't think a lady with big tits or a big ass is inherently pornographic. She may be a hottie, but this does not make her a free lunch. The "sluts" are the people who think that she is.
And what I never noticed growing up in the 1990s, because I was less than ten years old at the time, is that the women of that era agreed with me. The 1990s are marked by sexually-charged "bad bitches" like the Spice Girls or Lola Bunny who are in sole control of their lady areas. That's why Lola says "Don't call me doll". A doll is the most frequent metaphor for a sexual abuse victim - a toy - and no one is entitled to Lola just because she's hot.
I don't even want to go that far. I don't need to make a whole cast of cock-teasing Bayonettas. I just want Daisy and Lily to be allowed to breathe.
But changes are done by pushing as hard as you can and seeing what stays. To that end, somebody will always try to censor you as hard as they can, so you gotta give the Queen a pair of huge tits and see if they let her keep 'em. I mean a duck. Give the Queen a pet duck. Hell, give her both, see which one survives management.
So yes, sometimes I draw an incongruent number of characters who are rather more endowed than necessary. For every average-sized pair of boobs you won't let a woman have, I'll draw three women with pairs bigger than their heads. Maybe I'll draw one with four. Fuck you.
* There are many women and men who are quite comfortable working in the sex industry. Sex workers should not be uniformly treated as victims who need to be saved. There are, however, also women and men who are unable to find work outside of the sex industry because they are too well-endowed to be "presentable", and there are sex workers whose bosses act like their pimps, and all of them are treated by society like public use fucktoys, and this is repulsive.
** At the same time, women who have undergone mastectomy due to cancer et al. are treated as "less than women".
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I'm not going to pretend that my personal attraction to over-endowed characters isn't a factor in my history of drawing them. Of course it is.
And I'm not going to pretend everything I draw turns out the way that I want, in quality or in message. It pretty much never does.
But I do not categorically treat endowed characters or people like "sluts". Certainly some of them are sluts, but not because of their proportions.
People who shame others for sexuality in such broad strokes are part of rape culture. They have developed a hideously unhealthy view of how sex works, and they attack everybody else's sexuality in fear of it.
I recently watched a playthrough of Spider-Man: Miles Morales.
I was a bit worried about this game, because I knew that it would be plagued by people alternately parading about and whining about “Black Spider-Man”.
I’ve known for a while that the world has made me cynical and egocentric.
I don’t like immediately wrinkling my nose immediately because a non-white character appears in a major role. Yes, there are a lot of properties out there that are just shallow populist wash, companies have always done that for as long as there’s been a business to do it in.
But it had been long enough since I watched a playthrough of the original game that I’d quite forgotten it already had a huge ethnic diversity, as it takes place in vaguely-realistic New York and uses popular and obscure Spider-Man characters who were already quite diverse decades ago, yet it never felt to me like it was showing any of its ethnicities off (other than how absolutely goofy Mr. Negative and his evil Chinese demon gang were.)
And, of course, Miles was already in it (though he does not get his powers until the ending.) His stealth sections were a bit jarring but he was fine and relevant as a character.
Sorry for forgetting.
But, you see, if the diversity was forced, I would have noticed and remembered it. As it was, it was completely natural, and I did not pay it any heed.
I watched the same player who I watched play the original game. He was quite eager to try out the expansion and I knew he would not get “political” about anything unless an elephant appeared in the room.
Early in the game, Miles consistently uses Spider-Man only to refer to Peter. His nerd buddy, whose name I don’t remember except it sounds like Genki, calls him out on it and tells him “No, stop doing that. You’re Spider-Man.”
And, as the game goes on, Miles’s lines start naming him as “Spider-Man” in his subtitles. At the end of the game, when asked who he is by reporters, the people of Harlem say:
“That’s our Spider-Man.”
Stan Lee once said that he believed the reason Spider-Man took off so well is that he had a full-body suit. By all means, he was Spider-Man, but other than his sex, he could be anybody. White kids, Black kids, Asian kids, nobody could say they had the wrong skin color for the outfit, like people do with modern cosplay. All young boys could be Spider-Man.
Not “Black Spider-Man”.
Not “Asian Spider-Man”.
Spider-Man.
Stan Lee grew up in a time where it was “radical” to consider black people to be human beings. In the era where Star Trek shocked the world with the first black character on TV who was not in an unreasonably servile role, Stan Lee quickly discovered that a lot of people were affected by the social commentaries of his comics. He certainly got a lot of hate mail for “moralizing”.
So, in the most polite way that a nerd from the 1960s could, he told the haters to kiss his ass. He knew his comics were affecting people, and that the world was full of hatred and racism, so he was going to set his work in an optimistic world, not a racist caricature.
He co-created Black Panther and Falcon, and gave his full support for Luke Cage (without using his skin color as a hook.) He continued to insist on Marvel embracing human diversity into the 2010s, shortly before his passing.
Stan Lee believed that “a story without a message, however subliminal, is like a man without a soul.” He noted that even ancient fairytales and mythology were wrapped around contemporary cultural values and traditions.
When Stan Lee passed away, a lot of “yo-yos” tried to tell everybody he was racist. They knew nobody would bother to click any links or fact-check anything to see that Stan Lee was one of the least racist men in American history and, quite possibly, the only reason we have black superheroes at all.
It’s that kind of yo-yo who would exploit Miles Morales’s ethnicity for personal vanity as though black or Hispanic people were trophies.
It’s that kind of yo-yo who accuses every single creator who ever features a non-white protagonist of cheap racial baiting.
It’s because of yo-yos that we need people like Stan Lee to begin with.
I have no doubt that Stan Lee was delighted with Miles Morales, and probably just as delighted with Miguel o’Hara, and Spider-Gwen, and every other wild new take on Spider-Man.
But I think Stan would agree with me that Miles Morales is not “Black Spider-Man”.
Haven’t posted in a while but I’ve been making lots of great progress. Never have too much stuff to show since it’s mostly back end stuff but today I thought I would take a break and create something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.
I put together this system that creates a safe path through a grid of traps and then creates a solution that can be found elsewhere in the dungeon which is then added as a note into the player’s journal. The solution can be found in a chest, dropped by an enemy, on a stone plinth somewhere or even bought from the shop. This should create a lot of cool situations in Dungeon runs to encourage exploration.
Hello dreamers, I only ever sign on Tumblr when I want to rant angrily about something and remember not to pollute my art profiles with it.
There’s a really bad problem in humanity that I haven’t found an existing term for, let me know if you have one, but I’m going to call it egocentric substitution.
It’s when somebody doesn’t understand something, because they’ve never experienced it, so they take something else they think they do understand, and which is supposedly similar, and pretend that’s the something they don’t.
Is that a lot of confusing words? Well, this journal is about an example of it that hopefully makes it clear how it works.
“Dyslexic typefaces”
The creators of so-called “dyslexic typefaces” such as Dyslexie claim that they help dyslexic people read by, essentially, avoiding making glyphs that look too similar. Examples are 6 and 9. Flip ‘em around, they look the same, people mix ‘em up sometimes.
And while this can reduce reading errors for everybody, it will not affect dyslexia beyond that, because that’s not how dyslexia works.
It’s not “dyslexia” just because you misread a word or letter. It is, in fact, completely normal for people to sometimes mix up letters or words, especially when they’re first learning to read. Non-dyslexic children, or adults who were formerly illiterate, very commonly make the kind of mistakes these “dyslexic typefaces” claim to help solve.
But dyslexia isn’t a reading disorder. It’s a language disorder. Dyslexic people have trouble processing any form of language, whether it’s written, spoken, or signed. It doesn’t matter how clear or distinct it is.
(Dyslexia is not known to affect overall intelligence other than by disrupting language processing.)
There’s an old saying: “The name is not the thing named”. I think that sums up dyslexia pretty well. If you put a bunch of flowers in front of someone and ask them to pick the rose, a typical normal person will find it pretty quickly, while a typical dyslexic person will take a while to remember what “rose” refers to. They immediately recognize the flower itself, absolutely, but dyslexic people do not readily match a real-life thing with what it is called.
It’s not that a dyslexic person can’t tell the glyphs 6 and 9 apart because they look too similar, but rather, a dyslexic person has trouble processing which actual number is written as which glyph. If they see the glyph 6, they are just as likely to mistake it for 9, 4, 5, 2, 38, or any other number that might make sense in context. They are seeing the glyph 6 just fine. They just have trouble connecting the written glyph 6 to the actual concept of the number six.
Ergo these typefaces do nothing to help with dyslexia - there is no typeface that can, except by making it easier for everybody to read.
Hell, telling dyslexic people they’re mixing up the glyphs in their brains is probably making it harder for them by basically gaslighting them.
So in short
Most non-dyslexic people can’t understand how dyslexia works.
Many non-dyslexic people sometimes mix up a few letters or words when they read.
Non-dyslexic people have fooled themselves into thinking this completely normal reading quirk is dyslexia.
Non-dyslexic people pat themselves on the back for making typefaces that might help with these non-dyslexic reading errors, and fraudulently claiming they do something about actual dyslexia.
“A kitsune is a special kind of fox with two or more tails”
NO >:o(
狐 Kitsune is the Japanese word for any fox. All foxes have the opportunity to earn extra tails.
Japanese culture has a profound respect for age. In their mythology, anything that is sufficiently old - even inanimate objects like shoes and parasols - "gains a spirit” if it does not have one and is spiritually empowered.
The age requirement is literally said as “100 years old”, but this may be a metaphor similar to how English-speakers say “a billion years old”.
This empowerment causes a fox in particular to grow gradually more tails and develop gradually more magical powers. Traditionally, the maximum number is nine. A nine-tailed fox (九尾の狐 kyuubi no kitsune) can see and hear everything happening on the planet and is generally one of the most powerful things in Japanese mythology other than the actual gods.
While this system should apply to any animal, no others have received as much attention and detail as the kitsune, and I’ve never seen another animal consistently depicted with multiple tails. Kitsune are so revered that some even get to be the divine envoys of Inari, probably the most important Shinto deity.
Words that refer only to these empowered foxes include:
霊狐 ryōko, “spirit-fox”
白狐 byakko, “white fox”. I think this refers only to Inari’s foxes, because those are white while all others are usually golden.
The #1 trick that corrupt politicians and tyrants use to perform “real life mind control” is euphemism. This is when you use a different word that sounds nice to mean something that is not so nice. (”That wasn’t falling, it was flying with style”.)
Most people are familiar with sexual euphemism. However, it can be used to disguise anything unpalatable as something good.
It is basically lying.
Here are a few examples from politics:
alternative facts
misinformation
conversion therapy
shaming & torture of social “undesirables” until they conform or commit suicide
economical with the truth
prone to lying and censorship
final user
the john to a prostitute, but somebody else pays
watching badgers
having sex with a stranger in a park
Capitalism, socialism, & fascism
These are three historically significant ideals on how to run a nation. (They were the three big ideals that conflicted in World War II.)
Socialism wants everything to be rationed out so that everybody can live comfortably. People may or may not be given an opportunity to qualify for a larger share. This requires a strong central government.
Capitalism wants everybody to have a fair chance to earn whatever they work for. This pressures the government to butt out.
The problem is that both systems turn out the same way, because the same corrupt people run them. They become a mirage - the illusion of a socialism or a capitalism, beneath which are the same reality of bigwigs taking everything for themselves and leaving everybody else to die from starvation and illness.
The goal of these parasites is to take full control of society. They want to control who lives and who dies, what right is and what wrong is, what beautiful is and what ugly is, and so forth and so on. They want the whole damn nation to be one big ad for themselves, their products, and their hateful delusions.
This total control of society is called fascism (though this implies a lone dictator like Hitler or Mussolini) and it is basically modern-day monarchy.
The United States is currently in a war between capitalist and fascist ideals, with a drop of socialism here and there, and its future is worrisome.
Why we are not a capitalism
One of the foundations of capitalism is competition.
A proper capitalism allows a new business to start up and offers them the opportunity to compete with the businesses already there. They will not necessarily succeed, but they are given a fair shot.
This is vital because the more competitors there are, the less likely any of them can get away with bullshit, because their customers will go elsewhere. They are much obliged to play fair. They are heavily pressured to innovate the industry so that they can reduce costs and thus store prices to out-perform their competition, while also potentially advancing technology and human civilization in the process.
Our fake capitalism doesn’t permit competition. Our fake capitalism is a corporate oligarchy - run by a few big industries who have given each of themselves a cut of the country as their own little kingdom.
Big corporations use all kinds of underhanded tactics and schemes to snuff out competition. Some of these are legal, but blatantly unethical. Others are actually illegal, but they are never held accountable as the government is just as corrupt as they are.
A great example is internet service providers (ISPs).
Major ISPs work as a cartel; they have an illegal agreement between them not to step into each other’s territory. They have mapped out the entire United States and each of them takes one part of it. This means that, while there are several major ISPs in the US as a whole, any given location within the US only has access to one. Thus, they can be as tyrannical as they like, you can’t take your business elsewhere.
ISPs are also working hard to legalize doctoring traffic. If another smaller ISP tries to start up, the existing ISPs want it to be legal for them to stop their users from going to that other ISP’s web page to look at their offers. They could even take deals from companies to stop you from going to rivals’ web pages or downloading any of their software.
ISPs want to be able to slow down traffic to a web site and then charge that site to un-block it, like bandits blocking a public road and charging tolls.
This is the very most extreme opposite of competition, and it is extremely anti-capitalist.
And, since the Internet is the foundation of all modern society, and thus controlling it is controlling society, it is quite arguably fascist.
In conclusion
They want you to call this miserable mess “capitalism” (which it isn’t) so that you come to hate capitalism. Then you’ll flock to socialism, its perceived exact opposite. You’ll actually get fascism again, except this time it’s dressed up as socialism.
Your kids, who are not wise to this trick, will grow to hate socialism, and flock back to capitalism. Guess what happens then? That’s right, they’ll get fascism again, dressed as capitalism, just like they did to you.
Rinse and repeat.
Stop letting liars trick you into calling things what they aren’t and leading you around in circles.
Cut through the lies.
Find the heart.
Stab the fucking monster in the heart and solve the real problem.
In 1992, Stella Liebeck sued McDonalds after spilling hot coffee on herself and won the suit.
Galaxy brains on the Internet like to think of this as a “frivolous lawsuit”.
That is because because they are stupid, lazy, and egocentric, and did not bother to look up anything about the case at all.
You know, like judges and juries do when they decide cases?
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Stella Liebeck was 79 years old. (She passed in 2004 at 91.)
Old people cannot reasonably be expected to handle fragile styrofoam cups full of hot liquids any more than to navigate stairs or operate complex machinery.
A nation-wide restaurant that serves countless masses of people must be held to a standard that is safe not only for healthy, competent, strapping young adults, but also for young children and the elderly.
Many people ignore this because they themselves are neither young children nor elderly, and do not care about the welfare of either.
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It is expected that, now and again, people will accidentally spill coffee on themselves at no fault of the restaurant. Most restaurants have clear warnings on all served hot beverages that they’re hot, which serves to reduce their liability. As such, in the trial, Liebeck was indeed found partially liable for her own injury, and her award was reduced accordingly.
However, it is not acceptable for these spill accidents to result in third-degree burns requiring hospitalization and skin grafts like Liebeck and 700 other people suffered. Her daughter asserts that Liebeck was permanently crippled by her injury and required a live-in nurse from then on.
McDonalds had a “policy” where coffee must be somewhere from 170~190 degrees F at the time it is poured into the cup. This temperature causes third-degree burns within 7 seconds of sustained contact (usually less) and is therefore not suitable for immediate drinking.
I cannot find a consistent source as to whether McDonalds continues to serve coffee at this temperature, or the served temperature of other chains such as Burger King and Starbucks. However, modern-day coffee cups are sturdier and the warnings are larger.
(Some studies claim that other chains serving coffee, such as Burger King and Starbucks, serve similar or even higher temperatures. No doubt they also receive lawsuits.)
In court, McDonalds staff admitted:
McDonalds was serving coffee at an undrinkable temperature (duh)
While there was a warning on the cup, McDonalds was not properly warning consumers of how dangerous the coffee was. (The jury also found it was not printed large enough.)
McDonalds had been doing this for over 10 years despite over 700 reports and several expensive settlements, because they sold billions of cups a day and considered the injuries negligible
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The damages awarded to Liebeck were largely punitive. That is to say, the court was disgusted by McDonalds and gave them a slap on the wrist, except their wrist was their wallet.
Compensatory damages: $160,000
Punitive damages: $480,000
Final award: $640,000
The jury initially granted a punitive value of “two days of McDonalds coffee revenues”, which they estimated at US $2,700,000. The judge knocked that down to $480,000 (3x the compensatory).
McDonalds and Liebeck both appealed and eventually settled out of court for an unknown sum that is definitely much less than $640,000.
Hello people of Tumblr! Let’s talk about the most divisive Zelda game.
James Rolfe semi-reviewed Majora’s Mask as part of Angry Video Game Nerd, tying the game’s themes into both a Twilight Zone reference (as per masks) and the New Year ball drop (as per moonfall):
I DIDN’T LIKE WUT HE SAID HARUMPH. >:o[
The Nerd is, of course, a fictional character that James has to put on an act for, and I’ve found that this act is much more obvious and stiff than usual. The Nerd normally tries to balance criticism with praise, but the transition in this one comes across as especially jarring and abrupt.
(OOTA = Ocarina of Time Also = James / The Nerd complains about something that applies to OoT also, or doesn’t notice / appreciate something that he ought to as an OoT veteran)
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Graphics
For some strange reason, The Nerd begins by complaining about the graphics - possibly a reference to the Game Grumps playthrough of Majora’s Mask. Arin Hanson did not wait 5 seconds before blurting out “THIS GAME LOOKS LIKE SHIT“ in a tone that made it obvious he was simply trying to stir drama.
OOTA: Despite pointing out that Majora’s Mask reuses the engine and some other assets, James / the Nerd doesn’t include or compare to OoT while criticizing the derived graphics of Majora’s Mask.
Of course, Majora’s Mask is designed to take advantage of the N64′s surreal, creepy graphics and create a disturbing, uncanny world. I would say that “bad graphics” tend to work in the favor of such games, if handled properly. Just look at Puppet Combo.
One must keep in mind, and James would absolutely be familiar with this, that older games up to around the GameCube era were still played on CRT televisions. The color choices and jagged edges of the N64 were less obvious due to the color balancing and blurriness of these old TVs. As such, today’s better monitors actually make these particular games look worse.
While the console overall has definitely not aged well visually, Majora’s Mask is one of the most graphically intensive games on the N64. If I recall correctly, the scene where the Woodfall Temple rises from the swamp is the most graphically demanding scene in any N64 game.
The Nerd asserts that, in contrast to early 3D, certain 2D styles such as Link to the Past still look good by today’s standards. This is never going to be an objective statement - not only because of the strong bias most people have in favor of or against particular graphical media, but also due to the high emotional investment longtime Zelda players have in both LttP and OoT, which tend to jockey for the title of Best Zelda. (Link’s Awakening is usually a close third place.)
I personally find LttP’s color palette appealing, but many sprites are incoherent or anatomically malformed, and its Escher-esque viewing angle with every wall slanting away from you is absurd. This is underscored in A Link Between Worlds, which is in full 3D but copies the viewing angle by hilariously tilting everything.
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Cosmic Checkpoints
The central criticism of Majora’s Mask, which the Nerd for some strange reason prioritizes after the graphics, has always been an example of Time Limit Syndrome.
Time Limit Syndrome is the phenomenon where perceiving a time limit will make many players freak out and possibly make them quit playing the game permanently. This is true even if the time limit turns out to do absolutely nothing when it expires. After all, they don’t know that ahead of time.
I usually hear complaints about Majora’s Mask’s time system from people who quit within 5 minutes due to Time Limit Syndrome... but James / The Nerd has beaten the final boss and really ought to know better.
As James / The Nerd implies, Majora’s Mask does not expect you to beat the game within a single three-day cycle. Indeed, you are forced to “fail” the first cycle in order to teach you the underlying mechanic of resetting the clock and instill in you the idea that you do not have to “beat the time limit”.
Majora’s Mask runs on a cosmic checkpoint system.
At any millisecond you can simply play the Song of Time to return to the Dawn of the First Day and keep every “checkpoint” you’ve met up to that point; “checkpoints” are things like acquired items and learned Songs.
For instance, as soon as you have the Sonata of Awakening, you can enter the Woodfall Temple. You can and should smack the Owl Statue closest to that temple, then immediately reset to a new cycle and enter the temple fresh on the First Day, skipping the long-ass Metal Gear Solid segment you did to get that song.
The Nerd’s implication that you’re “losing progress” when you use the Song of Time thus makes no sense. It’s not any different than leaving a room in a dungeon and seeing that the puzzle in it has reset when you come back in. You don’t need to do that puzzle again if you already got the key item you get for completing it, thus you have not lost any progress. The proper term is replay value, since you have the option at any point of doing any part of the game over again, with any power-ups or self-prescribed inhibitions you like, without starting a new game. Why criticize Majora’s Mask for the #1 reason people love Super Mario World?
When you use the Song of Time to return to the Dawn of the First Day, you save the game. This is the only way to make a “permanent” save in the N64 version of the game (as compared to the 3DS remake); the other methods let you make a temporary save if you’re interrupted or have something else to do, which is deleted when you load it back up.
If you do let the timer run out by itself, then you get an amazingly horrific game over scene (as featured in the above video), and your current 3-day cycle is lost as you must reload the previous First Day save. The reason the N64 game will not let you override your permanent save mid-cycle is, undoubtedly, so that you do not somehow save a scenario where you will repeatedly game over without any chance to use the Song of Time (however unlikely that may be.) In addition, you can always count on your hard saves being at the start of everybody’s schedule, and you will not need to remember where in the middle of some convoluted three-day quest you were.
Personally, I would have made it so that the timer running out just forced the Song of Time effect. The only “good reason” I can think of to do otherwise is because Majora’s Mask is a very unsettling game and the anxiety of Time Limit Syndrome may actually be intentional as part of the mood... but I would prioritize consistent and intuitive gameplay over an inconsistent and unpredictable audience response.
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Time & Dungeons
Majora’s Mask does have a few frustrating consequences of its time system.
Minor annoyances include quests and rewards that only trigger at a very specific time (ghosts at night, The Other Link, etc.)
Moderate annoyances include quests that are not only that specific, but you have to trigger them first by doing something else specific at an earlier time, or intentionally fail another quest. (the Kafei & Anju quests that are not the Couple’s Mask quest)
Major annoyances include questlines that take place over all three days and which you have to completely restart if you mess up at any step and which sometimes have more than one ending (Couple’s Mask quest)
... but the dungeons semi-resetting is not a problem.
You should be smart and warp back as soon as you can access the dungeon, so that you can enter it at the very start of a new cycle. All you need is the Song that opens it and the Owl Statue closest to it (usually right in front of the dungeon entrance.)
Half of the dungeon is only there to block off the dungeon item. Once you get that, if you need to reset, you can skip half the dungeon next time because you’ve already got the dungeon item. You only need to get the Big Key and go fight the boss.
If you’ve ever challenged the boss, even if you had to quit the fight and reset, you can skip the entire dungeon and teleport right to the boss again on all subsequent cycles. (The boss will also call you out for holding its remains, if applicable.)
You only need to gather the fairies once per dungeon, since you keep all of the unlocked items across cycles.
It’s really quite forgiving except that it does not make it overt exactly where your checkpoints are. In fact, before James made this video and I looked it up, I didn’t know for the last 15+ years that merely challenging the boss let you skip the dungeon on subsequent cycles.
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But Why Tho
The entire 3-day nonsense is a necessity because of the illusion of life.
Similarly to Harvest Moon, major NPCs are scheduled to be in particular places at particular times of the three days. However, unlike Harvest Moon, this schedule is extremely specific for applicable characters. If you slow down time with the Inverted Song of Time, you will actually see these affected NPCs moving proportionately more slowly, because even their path from one place to another, and their exact departure and arrival times, are aligned to the time schedule. Doing certain things will also alter NPC schedules accordingly.
This, of course, helps deepen the characters and make them look more life-like in a game that is all about exploring them emotionally and learning about their fears, hardships, and heartbreaks. Link earns every single Mask in the game by healing somebody, even if he does not use the Song of Healing per se. If he gets every single last one, then he has the ultimate power of love and kindness that off-handedly obliterates the malice and hatred of Majora.
This level of detail would not be feasible, or at least not very intuitive, with a very long schedule, so the game takes place over the same three days repeated indefinitely.
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Comparisons
The Nerd compares Majora’s Mask to Breath of the Wild in other places in the video, but does not do so when it would not be favorable to the latter; specifically, his criticism of the Majora’s Mask banker and his/her talkiness applies ten times over to the Great Fairies in Breath of the Wild, who not only give their entire explanation of how they work every time you leave and return to them again, but also forcibly close the upgrade window when you run out of items you have materials for, without letting you look them over to see what you need to farm for.
You need to use the BotW Great Fairies all the time, but you only need to use the MM bank rarely. You can just deposit money into it once per cycle and ignore it otherwise, since you refill your ammo just by cutting bushes and never need to purchase any... unlike Breath of the Wild.
To deposit or withdraw all your Rupees at once, just enter 999 as the number. It will change it to however many you actually have. The reason you’ve given 5 Rupees in hand is (probably) because otherwise you might lose them when you had 995 or more Rupees in the bank, if indeed you can stand to grind Rupees for that long.
OOTA: The banker is the Termina counterpart of OoT’s beggar, and reuses the animation.
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Around this point, the “sequence breaking” in the editing becomes apparent. Like a videogamedunkey skit, random bits of the game are strewn into the video out of order.
This comes back to bite the review because the Nerd acts like he’s just gotten to a part of the game that has to be completed before what was shown earlier in the video (hence why I call it “sequence breaking”). This breaks the illusion of sincerity; the suspension of disbelief as to the video being scripted is lost and it starts to look a bit more doctored to color the perception of the game.
OOTA: The Nerd does not recognize obvious counterparts to or parodies of characters like the Organ Grinder / Guru Guru, and acts like he’s never encountered an N64 ReDead before.
OOTA: The swim sound is the same sound as in Ocarina of Time. Talk about fishing for complaints.
I disagree harshly with the statement that “all everybody talks about [in regards to Majora’s Mask] are the good things”. I’ve almost only ever heard people complain about the time system and how it’s “Not Really Zelda”.
The particular glitch shown - Zora Link rapidly colliding with the wall - must be intentionally invoked. That glitch occurs if you use the speed-swim against very specific spots of very specific walls... fittingly, any of the corners in the infamous whirlpool room work. All you have to do is let go of the buttons and it will stop. It’s kind of like sailing Mario under the log with a Green Shell in Lethal Lava Land, except Mario always dies (in the most hilarious way) when you do that and Link is only briefly inconvenienced (in the most hilarious way).
OOTA: Most of Majora’s Mask’s more common glitches are the same as in Ocarina of Time due to reusing the engine. Infinite Sword Glitch and Bombchu Hover are both still around, for instance.
The one glitch that is the most problematic is that sometimes, when you reset in the middle of a dungeon, the doors will lock but the Small Keys will not go back into their chests. You then have to keep resetting until it resets correctly, which should be the very next reset.
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Wart / Arrghus
Majora’s Mask may be the only Zelda game with two minibosses in every dungeon - one for the dungeon item, one for the Big Key.
That eyeball boss is Wart, the first of the two Great Bay Temple minibosses, who guards the Ice Arrows. It’s Arrghus from Link to the Past, who was always called ワート WART in Japanese. In the 3DS version, its name in several other languages is the same as Arrghus’s.
Wart is the most annoying enemy in the entire game. He’s a fucker and I hate him. The worst thing about Wart is that the only way to make his long-ass battle faster is to completely destroy your N64. You do this by shooting an arrow into his eye when it’s open, causing every single mini-eyeball to fall off of him, dropping your frame rate into the gutter. (It gets even worse when you start hitting them with the sword.)
You fight Wart again in the Secret Temple (which is basically a boss gauntlet.)
Fuck Wart.
And fuck the second Great Bay miniboss, the gecko in the blob.
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Bits and Bobs
Sometimes the game’s camera cuts (such as when night falls and the game pauses to announce it) interrupt the gameplay. I don’t remember whether the camera angle you had before the cut effects the camera angle after the cut.
While not strictly required, the Bunny Hood literally only makes you run much faster, and makes the skeleton captain sequence (and 90% of the game) much easier. Always use the Bunny Hood when you don’t need any other mask.
OOTA: You should always be tapping the Lens of Truth on and off to use way less magic. (Basically zero, if you tap it rapidly enough.)
The Goron Race is one of the most frustrating parts of the game, and you need to complete it by the 2nd Day or else you can’t get the Gilded Sword. To get the most amount of time possible to complete it:
Confront Ghot at least once
Save a lot of Rupees in the bank
Get the Powder Keg certification
Start a new cycle
Buy a Powder Keg
Use Fire Arrow to ready forge and turn in sword for Razor Sword
Defeat Ghot (necessary for races to start)
Use bought Powder Keg to blow up boulder (shoot it with an arrow to detonate it)
Complete race as soon as possible for Gold Dust
Get Razor Sword
Turn Razor Sword right back in
Get Gilded Sword
Nintendo has never had good control sticks; the N64 and the Joycon alike both have shitty sticks that experience drift or misalign after a few months of use. This is probably why James is unable to roll Goron Link straight forward, or stay on the pipes, despite the N64′s analog stick locking into an octagon to ensure the 8 main directions are easy to hit.
You have to hit the trees with the Hookhot, but the stupid turtle wobbles around, so the trees are hard to hit. I’m not sure how the game determines whether the Hookshot connected or not. Is it checked on fire? Is it checked on arrival? No idea.
The reason the Ice Arrows are not working is because James is shooting too close to the wall. The ice platform would then clip through it. The game could move the platform to be further from the wall but decides to just not form any platform at all. I remember being pretty pissed off with it myself.
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Video ending
The Nerd doesn’t have to do the entire dungeon over again, because he already has the Ice Arrows. He only has to get to and fight that stupid blob gecko again for the Big Key and then get back to the boss.
OOTA: Why would you walk into the giant exit light before you got the Heart Container. Hell, so far as I know, this is Every Zelda Game Also since all of them let you forget to pick up the Heart Container...
Majora’s a bastard. If you get every mask in the game and turn them all in to him, he will for some unfathomable reason give you the Fierce Deity Mask and let you completely whoop his ass with it. The Fierce Deity Mask makes the battle into an utter joke. In the N64 version you can only use it in boss rooms, unless you use a glitch. The 3DS version also lets you use it when fishing (which itself is not in the N64 version.)
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In summary
Majora’s Mask is definitely beloved more for its themes and characters than for its gameplay. It has some of the most beautiful music in all of Zelda, most notably the Song of Healing, and its advanced special effects and cinematography are top-tier by the standards of the N64. It is chock-full of bittersweet, heavy-hitting content and is a major source of inspiration for future "serious subject” indie games and creepypastas - not just BEN DROWNED and Spooky’s Jumpscare Mansion, but in general.
The gameplay is, for the most part, a weird Ocarina of Time mod. The mask forms play differently, and there are extra mechanics introduced by some songs such as the Elegy of Emptiness, but overall you solve puzzles and fight battles with the same “strategy” as in OoT.
MM has always been very divisive because of the time system, which the game does not adequately explain to most players, and which is particularly frustrating in regards to specific parts of the game such as the Gilded Sword or the Couple’s Mask quest. The Bomber’s Notebook helps keep track of some aspects (and is expanded in the 3DS version), but many players simply find the detailed scheduling and the sequence of events too much crap to keep track of and too many repeated chores in the event of failures and many resets, and do not develop a recognition - let alone appreciation - of when they have reached a checkpoint in the main game and can reset to a new cycle without losing anything, or how to gauge whether they have the time left to take on a new task whimsically rather than through planning.
When I first started playing I hated it, but over time I began to be okay with the structure around the time cycle, albeit a bit bored or frustrated when I had to repeat day 1+2 because I screwed up a quest on day 3.
There are so many cool moments in Majora’s Mask that, for me at least, it supercedes the frustrating parts of the quests that cover all 3 days, and some of the just plain annoying parts that are not strictly relevant to the time system.
How the dogs react to each form of Link
Any time you use the Song of Healing
Mummy-Dad and the Well
When you realize who the Skull Kid is
When you realize what happened to the Butler’s son
The full ending with 100% completion
I’ve often said that Earthbound is “a lousy game but a great experience”.
I suppose it’s not out of the park to say Majora’s Mask is in the same boat.
The bottom row was added on later, possibly by a second person, and was not in the first version of this image I saw.
Fire types & Zodiac
Pokemon is a Japanese game, and damn near everything in Asian culture references the Zodiac to some extent, so there is likely more than a coincidental overlap between Pokemon in general with Zodiac animals even if not directly intended. That said...
Charizard is infamously not Dragon-type. It only acquires this type through Mega Charizard X (the cool black-and-blue one.)
Typhlosion is a very fat porcupine, not a rat. This is made clear by the names of its previous evolutions, Cyndaquil / Hinoarashi and Quilava / Magmarashi. Yama-arashi is Japanese for a porcupine, and porcupines have quills.
Infernape is based on Sun Wukong / Son Goku, the infamous “Monkey King” of the Asian legend Journey to the West. To be fair, the three other major non-human characters of this story are also connected to Zodiac animals (a pig, an ox, and a dragon who turns into a horse), so one could argue that referencing this story is necessarily referencing the Zodiac (see first point.)
Delphox is not a dog - it is a fox. These two animals have very separate places in Asian mythology and symbolism and are rarely (perhaps never) mixed up. Delphox’s line is just another transformation of the kitsune, reimagining it with a semi-Western witch aesthetic.
The not-entirely-revealed-yet G8 fire starter is a rabbit, which would fit into the Zodiac (Hare).
The missing Zodiac animals so far not counting false positives are: Ox, Snake, Horse, Ram
Serperior matches Snake
Grass types & Ancient Animals
This is cheating; every animal on Earth has a prehistoric ancestor and like 80% have one that looks arguably similar to the modern edition. Grass-types that are not themselves plants tend to disproportionately resemble regular, terrestrial animals (especially herbivores because grass) more clearly than other types, so they will probably line up more with dinosaurs et al than non-Grass types.
Blastoise, Feraligatr, Swampert, and Infernape are also extremely prehistorically compatible.
Like Infernape, the G8 grass starter is a monkey - there are definitely prehistoric something-pithicus monkey critters to connect it to.
Water types & Weapons
... brass knuckles?? Wouldn’t every Fighting-type Pokemon and thus the 3 Fire/Fighting starters match this too, then??
Feraligatr is based on spikes, primarily its teeth, and is utterly unarmed. It doesn’t even punch, so brass knuckles is a baffling comparison.
Swampert is also unarmed, and relies on its brute strength - this is the one better connected to brass knuckles, but the memer chose fans because some of its body parts are fan-shaped.
Primarina is made out of softness and snuggles and I have to presume the spiked mace is bizarre humor.
Delphox uses a magic wand
Three Grass-types are also connected to armament:
Sceptile’s tail resembles a bladed mace
Chesnaught has the ability to form a shield from its hands
Decidueye is effectively a living arbalest
The G8 water starter does not have any armament in its only known form (first evolution). Neither did Greninja or Samurott, though, so time will tell if it picks something up down the road.
Smash Ultimate tier list based entirely on which characters I like and which I hate
BSP = Big Sexy Personality
FBNIS = Fun, But Not In Smash
MPATBUD = Mario Princesses Are Terrifying Blow-Up Dolls
S Tier
Kirby: absolutely the man, if you don’t love Kirby you’re probably the asshole who got this roster flooded with Marth World pricks
Pikachu: He quicc. He thicc. He’ll Thunderbolt you to hicc
Except it’s a she because I only ever play Librechu ;p
Bowser: BSP
Zelda: She is so cute, I can finally stand playing as her
Pichu: He is so cute, it almost makes up for how stupid he is
Ganondorf: He’s finally fucking cool. He uses the goddamn sword now
Lucario: What if Mewtwo was a Shaolin monk hunk
I only play purple Lucario for reasons you’re best not knowing
Toon Link: He’s the cartoon that Link and Young Link watched and modeled themselves on
Ridley: HOLY SHIT IT FEELS AWESOME TO PLAY RIDLEY
I love how the game designers know he’s way too small so when you fight him in Classic Mode as Samus he gets Giant modifier
K. Rool: BSP
Piranha Plant: The pain from the pipes, this disrespectful piece of shit is so stupid he wraps around to greatness, with his inclusion I’ve changed my mind and now say fuck it, add Bandana Waddle Dee, hell add a regular Waddle Dee if you want, I don’t even care anymore
A Tier
Luigi: Few people know that he and Mario are actually identical twins, his brother merely wears a fat suit (the weight of which has crushed his spine) so they can be told apart
Ness: I like the picture you get when you play for 20 hours
C. Falcon: This is the guy who beats up Incineroar. As the positive icon of the people he never shows any emotion except for “YUS!” and “SHOW ME”. All Might was probably based on this jackass
Jigglypuff: Like so many other Pokemon, its adorable facade is a veneer for an expansive and unfathomable eldritch demon. The difference is, despite how fucking many Pokemon like that there are, nobody has found Jigglypuff’s secret and lived to tell
Young Link: He’s actually Link’s son, who idolizes his father and wants to follow in his footsteps. His dad has strayed from the path but young blood here carries on the true faith. Also, FBNIS
Mewtwo: He was the original Damn Cool Pokemon. He jockeys with Lucario for that role now but all they ever do is sit there charging their neutral Bs talking about how the planet will explode in 5 minutes
Roy: He knows that the Marth World infestation is soon to be purged, because there are like five actual Marths including him, so he decided to become the best Marth World character so he alone will survive
Pit: The only cunt from his series besides Dark Pit who had the decency not to change voice and try to pretend it was the same fucking one. I never play as him ever but Sakurai sure cared more about making him fresh & fun post-Uprising than any of his other goddamn characters
Charizard: BSP
Dedede: BSP
Bowser Jr.: This rude little shit is the guy who you invite to a party and he brings his whole crew, excuse me no I didn’t invite Wendy and Horton and Lenny and all these bitches, but fuck it y’all cool
Simon: I like his funny walk and he looks like Conan the Barbarian
Richter: I like his funny walk and he looks like a dork
Isabelle: Do you know this literal bitch killed me with a fucking stop sign 3 times before I unlocked her, why isn’t that a reaction macro
Incineroar: He pretends to be a bad guy so that kids’ heroes will beat him up on TV and they will be happy. He is so sweet
B Tier (Everyone Is Meh)
Mario: Meh
Donkey Kong: Meh
Link: The dad who strayed from the path, I really don’t like the Breath of the Wild Link, FBNIS
Fox: Meh
Sheik: Meh
Dr. Meh: Mario
Falco: Hands off my meh
Mehrth: He’s kinda cool but Roy is way cooler
Mr. Game & Watch: What an annoying asshole
Wario: It’s not the cool Wario, it’s the stupid Wario Ware one, and he brings all his obnoxious waifu friends with him. It’s Wario after he retired from his teen Youtube star days at the age of 30 and he’s trying to stay young and cool-looking but his stoner friends keep fucking it up
Solid Snake: Meh, too indirect for me, FBNIS
Squirtle: Meh-est of the Pokemon Trainer trio, he just doesn’t provoke like any reaction from me at all unlike the other two
Diddy Kong: Meh
Olimeh: This is the most boring goddamn character, everything you do you have to pluck fucks
ROB: He barely animates
Villager: I kinda wish Animal Crossing let you be an animal too. The lone human character is really boring
Mega Meh: You got: FBNIS
Little Meh: I dunno I’ve just barely ever played him
Mehninja: Maybe I should actually try playing it once ever
Duck Hunt: If there was a B-and-a-half tier I’d put this one there because you can delay the side-B and set up Snake-level GOTCHA combos, otherwise the novelty wears off fast
Ryu: He is the 2nd-least likeable guy, what a turbo douche
Bayomehtta: She’s rule 63 Dante, her game was always just a DMC ripoff that relied on her tits & ass to differentiate from it
Inkling: I like the yellow hair girl one but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE CRINGY-ASS ASSIST TROPHY AND WILL ABSOLUTELY UNFAIRLY BLAME THE CHARACTER FOR THIS.
C Tier
Samus: She is the most FBNIS character
Ice Climber: They’re really un-cute and I hate their desync thing
Metaknight: This guy was so much cooler before he talked, or rather, before he screamed AYAYGYGYAYGYAGA
Ike: Marth World has like 2,000 characters ranging from pegasus knights to barbarians to psychic dragon-girl dancers, and yet we keep getting these boring fucking swordsmen
Pokemon Trainer: Get absolutely the fuck out you twerp you don’t even do a goddamn thing and you die the second any one of your THREE fighters is KO’d so you don’t even incorporate the actual spirit of your original character unlike literally everybody else
Venusaur: If I evolved this ugly fucker I would delete my save
Lucas: If I had an Absolutely Gone Machine that could erase anything in the world and delete everyone’s memory that it ever existed so they would shut the fuck up about it, Mother 3 would be precisely the fourth thing I deleted
Robin: Least shitty post-Melee Marth World character but I just haven’t bothered to try it out to see if it’s actually good or not, probably because I’m just too allergic to Marth World by now
Dark Samus: Cool, but why
Daisy: MPATBUD, but this one has the closest thing to a personality. Unfortunately it is a fucking terrible and horrific personality
Zero Suit Samus: hey cool Samus is Barbie now
Ken: Remember how I said Ryu was the 2nd-least likeable? Well here’s Liquid Ryu to seize the coveted spot
Cloud: Yeah hey, let’s take the one Final Fantasy protagonist with like the least connection to Nintendo, no it’s fine, every goddamn Marth World game except the one that justified its worldwide presence has a character in but we’re not gonna use Cecil or Buttz or Terra
Corrin: Any hope this bitch had to go on my “Is a dragon so I like it” list was ruined by how absolutely infuriating it is to fight against Corrin especially that one Spirit match where he spams his INSTANT FINAL SMASH THAT HAS LIKE AN INFINITELY VERTICAL HITBOX fuck this goddamn digimon
D tier
Yoshi: I’ve hated this thing ever since it stopped going BAWONKA WONKA and started going blblblblblbl
add Birdo as an Echo and I might forgive you
Peach: MPATBUD, Peach is usually able to manifest either the behavior of a real person (Paper Mario) or the appearance of one (Smash), but sadly never both, she is doomed to blow-up-dollery forevermore
Sonic: Please add any other Sonic character, any at all, I’ll even take Charmy, I fucking hate Blue Bubsy
Wolf: The only reason he is not the furry-trashiest character in Smash is because Krystal is an AT, this cocksucker deadass awoos
Wii Fit Trainer: Next to her, Mario Princesses almost look human
Rozzalinda: MPATBUD and this one is the worst, far and away the worst Mario Princess, she is the creepiest fucking woman. WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY IN MARIO ACTS LIKE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING EXCEPT THE CHARACTERS WHO AREN’T FUCKING HUMAN. tl;dr the only people who say rosalina is their waifu collect people’s faces
Mii Fighters: you dress them up to make a parody of a character and then never once actually use said parody because they are stupid
Palutena: remember in Uprising how they could make fake Palutenas, this is one of them, they have a fake Viridi too, you know it is because starting in smash 4 it is clearly two different actresses trying way too hard to sound like the old ones and i can’t get over it sorry. (also she plays like shit)
Pac-Man: I only liked him when he was a pizza
Shulk: does he ever shut the fuck up
Lucina: add a red nose and it’s Marth: Tumblr Edition
Chrom: oh fuck off
Robin’s bitchass final smash still calls this clown
even if you use it on Chrom
he is so ashamed of his audacity he fucking fucks himself
Twitter's starting to annoy me. I'm running out of patience with the whole walking on eggshells around it thing. "Um wow this artist draws fetish art they must be a psychopathic rapist IRL".
Oh, what's that, did somebody say fetish art? I can do really awful fetish art. I didn't do that before because I was worried about exactly this kind of reaction but do you know what, Twitter?
If it's an artist fault that someone sees their artwork and suddenly decides to rape someone they supposedly wouldn't have before (which it isn’t), then it's your fault that I saw your bitching and whining and decided to draw disgusting gross art that I wouldn't have before.
Which means if that art causes someone to rape someone (which it won’t), then ultimately, that’s your fault too! :)
Don’t worry, I’m not going to post any of it to Tumblr. Check fibs.carrd.co after Valentine’s Day if you want any of that freaky shit.
