seven months (Jungkook Angst)
a/n: i could possibly be turning this into a series. if you like it, please let me know so i have the motivation to write more parts 😊
You were so stupid. Why did you have to go into the cafe that day? It’s not like you knew he would go in there today, but you should have known he would have shown up sooner or later. It was just a matter of time. You hoped he would. It was why you still went there every week. It had been such a special place for you both. It was where you met. It was where you had your first date. Hell, it was the place where he had asked you to be his girlfriend. It was also the place he broke your heart. Today marked the first time in 7 months since you’ve seen him. It wouldn’t have hurt so bad to see him if he didn’t have another girl on his arm. You took another swig of your drink to try and drown out your thoughts.
[1:15 PM, earlier that day]
You clacked away at the keys on your computer. This essay for your psychology class was kicking your ass and the only thing getting you through was your usual caramel mocha and frosted cinnamon roll. You glanced over at the table to your left. “No,” you thought to yourself, “keep working.” You couldn’t let past thoughts distract you from your work. This essay was worth at least 70% of your final grade and you couldn’t afford to let Jungkook cloud over your mind. You reached for your mocha and pressed the lid to your lips. The hot, sweet coffee trickled into your mouth and down your throat. The door to the cafe opened, resulting in the soft little jingle of the bell. You sat, frozen in your seat. That chuckle was so familiar to you and you knew exactly who it was. You had to look up. You locked eyes with him for the first time in 7 months. It seemed like neither of you can look away. Jungkook’s friend, Hoseok, followed his eyes and saw you sitting there.
“Hey!” he screamed, joy dripping from his voice.
Hoseok always liked you. He was the one you got along with most out of all of Jungkook’s friends. He was so bubbly and cheerful and his smile was contagious. Hoseok jogged over to you with open arms. You stood up to greet him and he enveloped you in a huge hug.
“Hey, I missed you,” he said, pulling away to look at you.
“I missed you too, Hoseok,” you said, trying too smile but you caught yourself looking over his shoulder at Jungkook, who still hadn’t taken his eyes off of you.
Hoseok kept rambling on about things you don’t really remember. You felt bad for not really listening to him but you just couldn’t stop looking at Jungkook. The door to the cafe jingled again, but this time it was a girl. She was probably a little taller than you and her hair was super long. She was pretty. Incredibly pretty. She walked over to Jungkook and she wrapped her arm around his. He immediately broke his gaze with you and started talking to her. She said something and he smiled that cute smile that you had always loved. He would smile so wide that his nose would crinkle up. You would always kiss his cute, little wrinkled nose. The girl leaned up and kissed Jungkook and that's when you realized that they definitely weren't just friends. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks and your hands started to get clammy.
“I'm sorry, Hobi, but I really need to go,” you said to him as you gathered up your laptop.
You didn't even bother to grab your drink or your cinnamon roll. You had to get out of there as fast as possible. You pushed past Hoseok and made your way to the door, having it jingle as you left.
Your drink was almost empty. You got up from your seat and walked to the kitchen, pouring yourself another. Your house was quiet. You didn’t have anything on because you just wanted silence so you could sit and think, even though thinking isn't the best thing for you to be doing right now. You walked over to your bookshelf, your soft steps padded against the carpeted floor. You grabbed a photo album off of one of the top shelves and walked back to your seat on the couch. Flicking through the album just made it worse. It was like you were reliving all of the memories that you saw at once. The time he took you to the carnival or when you finally met his parents for the first time were just racing through your mind. Then, you came across of a picture of you two on your one year anniversary. He took you to the cafe because he thought it would be romantic since it was where you met him. You suddenly became angry. “How dare he bring her to our special place? That was our place,” you thought out loud. Your anger turned into tears and you knew that once your first tear fell, you wouldn’t be able to stop.
You sat patiently at the table. You and Jungkook always sat here. It was the table he was sitting at when he moved his chair to scoot out when he accidentally bumped into you, causing you to spill your drink all over yourself. You could still remember the apologetic look in his big, puppy dog eyes. You saw Jungkook walking up to the front door of the cafe. You smiled widely and gave him a big wave, but he didn’t seem to smile back at you. “That’s odd,” you thought. He pushed opened the door, that familiar jingle rang through the air.
“I ordered your favorite. Iced americano with very little ice,” you told him as he sat down across from you.
“Uh, thanks,” he replied, not being able to look you in the eyes.
“Kook, what’s wrong? You’re really not acting like yourself. Did you not want americano or wa-,”
“It’s not the coffee,” his voice was stern. It kind of intimidated you. He never spoke to you with that tone before.
“Then what is it?” your voice sounded small.
“I’ve just, um, been thinking for a while about some things and I just sort of, well, I don’t know how to say it,” he said, fumbling over his words, making you nervous.
“W-whatever it is, Jungkook, you can tell me.”
“Well, I kind of want to break up,” he said, looking down at his hands.
You immediately felt sick to your stomach. Did you hear him right? You couldn’t have. Everything was going so well. His parents loved you, his friends loved you, and you thought that he loved you.
“Why?” you asked, your voice was shaky.
“I just... I’m not sure if I feel it anymore. When I first met you, my heart was constantly beating as hard and as fast as it could and I thought I was super in love with you. It was great. You were great. But as time went on, I started to feel back to normal, I guess. I didn’t feel those same feelings as I did when we first got together,” he said.
“How long have you felt this way?” you asked, trying to blink back your tears.
“A couples months? A couple months, Jungkook? Why didn’t you tell me this, oh, I don’t know, a couple months ago?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said, finally looking at you.
“Well, I guess you didn’t succeed with that. How did you expect me not to be hurt?”, your voice raised. People in the cafe were starting to look at you.
“Can you please lower your voice and calm down?” he asked, grabbing onto your wrist lightly.
That just fueled your anger even more. Calm down? Calm down? How were you supposed to be calm about this. Maybe you would be better off without him.
“You know what, fine. I’ll see you later, Jungkook,” you started grabbing your belongings.
“Can we talk about this?” he asked you.
“We just did,” you stood up from your chair, “And I’m taking this coffee,” you said, grabbing Jungkook’s americano and walking out the door.
You sniffled before taking another sip from your drink. You had been crying nonstop and you looked and felt terrible. You had been hoping for the last 7 months to see him but now that you had, you felt like shit. Maybe you should just go to bed. You walked to the bathroom and put your hair up into probably the messiest bun possible. You started to brush your teeth when you heard a slight knock. You stopped to listen, to see if you really heard it. It turns out you did because there was another knock, louder this time. You sat your toothbrush down and made your way to the front door.
“Who is it?” you asked, before opening your front door.
“I’m sure you could guess,” the voice was quiet but you knew exactly who it was.
You opened the door to see Jungkook just standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“To talk,” he said, making his way into your home and closing the door.
“You think that you can just walk into my home, expecting us to just ‘talk’,” you said, your words slurred a little bit from all the drinks.
“Just let me talk, alright? I saw you today, obviously. And, well, after that I just couldn’t stop thinking about you. I felt something. I don’t know what I felt, nostalgia, maybe? But whatever it was, I loved it. And I know, I only get that feeling when I’m around you because as soon as you left that cafe, I couldn’t feel it anymore,” he said.
You were at a loss for words. You just stood there, looking at him. You didn’t know whether this was actually happening or if you were just imagining it because of all the drinks.
“Well, say something,” he said.
“I just, I don’t know what to say. What are you trying to say?”
“Well, I was maybe thinking about getting back together after we talked out somethi-”
“Getting back together? Are you stupid? Jungkook, you have talked to me for seven months. And today, I saw you kissing a girl at the cafe. When you broke up with me, the only reason that you gave me was that you ‘weren’t feeling it anymore’. What kind of bullshit reason is that? I still love you and I absolutely hate it. You just left me. I miss you constantly. I miss you when I can’t sleep. I miss you right after I have my morning cup of coffee. Did you miss me liked I missed you during those seven months? And I’m tired, Jungkook. Really tired. I’m tired of that feeling. That feeling of not knowing if I was good enough for you, but I’m not tired of you. I cant ever be tired of you. I loved you so much. The thing is, though, is that I don’t know if I can do this anymore. My feelings are so mixed right now. The thought of calling you up and trying to make things work again always crossed my mind but I would be constantly terrified that you just wouldn’t ‘feel’ it anymore and just leave me again. Please, just get out of my house.”
He stared at you, obviously taken aback.
“Well, are you going to get out or not?” you asked him.
“Uh, yeah. Sure. But please just know, I really did miss you. I just didn’t know if you missed me,” he said before he turned away, walking out of your front door.
